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| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
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Am I being silly because I am worried about him seeing those girls?
Q. i'm meeting this guy tomorrow, we met one night out and now we've arranged to meet again in a club/bar because then it's more of a relaxed environment and we'll be out with our friends making it less awkward and meaning we don't have to stay ...
A. 6 February 2012: What if it does go wrong? What if he does end up liking someone else, or you get attached and he doesn't? Well, life goes on. You'll survive it.
But I think you're seriously overestimating the chances of that happening. Don't get me wrong, i... (read in full...)
Guitar solos turn me on? Does anyone else have any strange turn ons?
Q. Oh gosh, this is kinda strange but I've just recently realized that guitar solos really turn me on.. more than porn or anything else. It's so strange.. does this sort of thing happen to anyone else? Not just with guitar solos, but anything? lol I ...
A. 6 February 2012: You sound like a normal girl to me. There's a reason so many guys try (and often, fail) to learn to play guitar in college (guilty). Chicks dig it.
To share one I've seen a few times, I live in a blue state, where most girls have never even hel... (read in full...)
If a married man and a woman have an affair, can the woman be blamed as well?
Q. If a woman and a married man have an affair, is it the woman's fault as well? Obviously, it is the man's fault, but is the woman to blame as well as a home-wrecker? I have heard the defense of the woman saying "It was his choice to go after m...
A. 6 February 2012: If she knew, or should have known, she's due for plenty of blame. After all, how many married men would be having affairs if it weren't for women willing to sleep with a married man (for that matter, you can flip the sexes and get the same ... (read in full...)
How do I approach my classmate?
Q. I'm really interested in this girl in my college; we're together in a class of only 15 people. The problem is that we haven't even talked yet. And that's what makes it so difficult. It's very difficult to get the opportunity to talk to her beca...
A. 6 February 2012: Walk up to her and say, "Hi, what's up." It's not lame at all, it's confident and casual.
Think about it. Finding her online and then talking to her for the very first time - how is that casual? How is that confident? I promise you, she will... (read in full...)
Would I be considered a ladies man?
Q. Do I sound like a ladies man to you at all? I'm 18, a senior in high school. I know perfectly how to treat a woman, if she was my girlfriend, would treat her like a queen, or like the best the women in the world. I never had a girlfriend before, but ...
A. 6 February 2012: I'm not sure if we're using the same definition of "ladies' man." To me, it means a man who knows how to handle women, including having a satisfying love life (whether that's with one woman or a whole slew of them). By that definition, you're just ... (read in full...)
Dealing with a boyfriend who acts like a frat boy when he's with his friends
Q. Hello everyone, My b/f and I have been together a little over three years, and we are both in our mid to late twenties. Everything generally goes well except he is sometimes very immature. I am usually very tolerant of his immature humor, ...
A. 6 February 2012: The strip joints are something you'll have to work out between the two of you. If it bothers you enough, you can ask him not to go, but remember that it's his right to decide what he does - all you can do is decide whether or not it's a dealbreaker ... (read in full...)
"how do I attract boys?"
Q. (Note: The good advice is at the bottom. Read through for a laugh) I see this so often nowadays. mostly it's girls who want their first kiss, or a boyfriend, or whatever, and they ask us what they need to do to get a boyfriend. So I'm...
A. 6 February 2012: I'll fully endorse your selection process. Finding the right guy is tough, but worthwhile. Same with accepting when a guy isn't interested or available - in fact, girls should be careful not to let that make them even *more* interested in the ... (read in full...)
Making Monogamy Work
Q. Making Monogamy Work By Frank Kermit, Relationships Monogamy is easier than open relationships, because the rules are simpler...but the application of the rules of monogamy is not as easy. Monogamy works for monogamous people...however...
A. 6 February 2012: You're correct about Rules 1 and 2, not having sex with other people (definition of monogamy) and getting rid of unnecessary temptation, but you missed a pretty major point here - have lots of high-quality, enthusiastic, monogamous sex!
A small am... (read in full...)
No present for Christmas and not being enthusiastic about New Year's Eve. Is this a reason to dump the guy I've been with for 3 months?
Q. No present for Christmas and not being enthusiastic about New Year's Eve. Is this a reason to dump the guy I've been with for 3 months? We were casual for the first month and a half. Then we agreed to date exclusively. He swears he wants to be w...
A. 30 December 2011: Seems like a really odd reason to dump someone. Is this really why you want to break up with him, or is there some other issue (or whole slew of issues) that are already causing you to look for a good pretext? Or do you think you've got an itchy ... (read in full...)
Alcohol ruins relationships right??
Q. My Mother had always had a drinking problem and it drove my parents to divorce. I made a promise to myself I would never drink or be with someone who drinks since I thought 'If alcohol ruined my parents relationship then it would to the same to ...
A. 30 December 2011: It's difficult, I understand, and you have every right to feel the way you do. At the same time, your boyfriend's response is just about right - even if he gave up drinking, that wouldn't address the underlying fear, only treat the symptom of that ... (read in full...)
What exactly goes through a women's head when they allow me to keep treating them like trash?
Q. I am in awe at the way women let me treat them and I just don't get it. Ill see a girl I like and treat her like complete garabage but she still chases after me so I continue to do it because it works every time but I've had enough, I just don'...
A. 30 December 2011: When it comes to men, chicks value confidence, extroversion, social savvy, interpersonal dominance, and love of one's self. Or, depending on how you want to phrase it, narcissism, influence, manipulativeness, controlling behavior, and mild ... (read in full...)
I don't have any female friends to interpret this girl, so can you lot shine some light on this please..
Q. Hi all :) I have a friend who ive known for a good 5 years, although last 3 years we only meet every few months due to university. I went out with with her and few friends on a night out. When we got back home from the night out, i went into h...
A. 29 December 2011: If you have any player friends, they're usually the best possible source for interpreting girls, for future reference.
Anyway, she's either putting herself out there and giving you an opportunity to upgrade from friend to friend with benefits... (read in full...)
I am almost a beautiful 22 year old and never had a boyfriend
Q. Where will I find him? The right guy for me? I tried online dating, the only messages I get are from guys that I am not attracted to. They write me nice messages saying how I have beautiful eyes and smile. Its very nice of them to write me nice mes...
A. 29 December 2011: When one of these guys messages you, the first thing to do is find three things that are good about him. Then go on the date, keeping those things in mind. First impressions are very difficult, even for good, decent men - many of whom would ... (read in full...)
Do guys dump shy girls?
Q. guys!is it true that a guy would dump a girl is she's shy to make the first move or anything?but some girls can be like that because all they wanna do is talk or go out not make out at his house everytime they're alone?...
A. 29 December 2011: I tend to date shy girls, but only if I think they'll come out of their shell for someone they know better. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert. That said, some guys aren't into that - some guys prefer extroverts, and there's nothing ... (read in full...)
Do guys find black hair attractive in girls?
Q. i know this is a random question but i just want to see what everyones opinion was, mostly from a guys perspective. Of course a lot of guys like or "love" blondes then theres the burnettes and red heads. what about the girls with black hair? in my ...
A. 29 December 2011: I prefer black hair, myself. All that matters is growing long - mid-back, at least.
Most guys I know see hair more as an accessory than a determining factor. If it goes well with the rest of her, it's great, no matter the color. Outright... (read in full...)
Why do perfectly decent guys have one night stands?
Q. Two questions: 1) why do I feel like my brother is betraying me by dating the girl my ex cheated on me with? 2) why do perfectly decent guys choose to have one night stands? I turned 18 on boxing day but a month before I found out my bf cheated on...
A. 28 December 2011: 1) It's natural to want to see people in teams (or tribal groups). When he cheated with her, your boyfriend put her in the "other team" light in your mind. On a very primal level, it feels like your brother is sleeping with the enemy. It sucks, ... (read in full...)
Should I follow my religion or just enjoy being young?
Q. I go to a Roman Catholic school and In Religious Education we were discussing sex before marriage. everyone in my class was saying that they can't wait to have sex and are not waiting for marriage, but for some reason, I want to wait. I am not a ...
A. 28 December 2011: Have you considered that some of the friends teasing you are just doing it to cover up their own, similar insecurities? If one of them felt the same way, she may have seen one of the others teasing you, and decided it's easier to just play along ... (read in full...)
Is sex nessassary for a happy life?
Q. How important is sex in life? Apart from the whole producing life bit. Is sex necessary for a happy life. Sex causes a lot of problems in peoples lives from unwanted children to emotional and physical complications. If sex was not a factor in life ...
A. 21 December 2011: Well, some of the best scientists and thinkers in history were life-long bachelors. Isaac Newton probably died a virgin, for example. Whether the others were without sex or just without marriage is probably lost to history in most cases, so who ... (read in full...)
Is beauty a blessing or a curse?
Q. Do extremely attractive people have a more difficult time maintaining a relationship? With all their options and the multitudes drooling over them does it make it more difficult for beautiful people to stay in a relationship....
A. 21 December 2011: I've seen men dating very attractive women get upset and insecure when other men hit on her. Sometimes, he's just being paranoid; sometimes, she's deliberately messing with him. I'd call beauty a curse in the former case, but even then there are ... (read in full...)
Does your families opinion have bearing on the race of those you date?
Q. Would you ever not date a particular ethnicity because of your families opinion?...
A. 21 December 2011: My family is pretty open and accepting of race (but very, very willing to judge someone for their character and morals, whatever race they be). But, hypothetically, if they objected to someone I was dating because of her race, I'd tell them where ... (read in full...)
Is an abortion ever morally wrong because it transgresses the father's rights?
Q. Sometimes the mother wants an abortion and the father wants her to have the baby. Is an abortion ever morally wrong because it transgresses the father's rights? A Post in here made me think of this question. Would like to hear peoples opinions...
A. 21 December 2011: Personally, I'm *very* strongly pro-life - I believe abortion is murder. But I'll skip right past that, because your question raises a contention I have with the self-styled "pro-choice" crowd. So, for the purposes of this answer, take for granted ... (read in full...)
Should I choose a major that I like or challenge myself to something new that I have an interest in?
Q. I'm graduating next year and I having a heard time choosing a major my choices are business management and graphic design. I can't choose between the because it's pros and cons the reasons are I love to draw industrial design and graphic design is ...
A. 21 December 2011: You need a practical skillset to go with the business major, or it will not pay off the way the college is telling you it will. Lots of business majors are pretty desperate for jobs right now. Graphic design can be a good practical skill, if its ... (read in full...)
Guys: Would you be awkward about this or let it go and forget about it?
Q. My friend has been seriously pissing me off just because someone asked him if he liked me. He just literally ignores me. He said to me a few months ago that the person asked him if he liked me and he got scared if this person told everyone else. ...
A. 21 December 2011: I might have reacted that way when I was 15 or 16. But back then I felt really conflicted about the opposing forces of trying to look cool and trying to be content with life. I couldn't say if that's what's going on in his head, but it might give ... (read in full...)
How do you get a boy's number?
Q. Okay i like this guy right, well we talk but not a lot. i really want to get to know him and get his number but thats just it, i dont know how to get a guys number! can sombody please tell me how to get a boys number? please and thanks...
A. 21 December 2011: Get in a conversation with him. When it's over, tell him he's fun to talk to, and ask for his number - and offer your own, as well. Most guys are eager to exchange numbers with a girl.... (read in full...)
I'm tired of him making excuses not to try for a child or to get engaged!
Q. Hi I accidently got pregnant last summer with my boyfriend (we've been a steady couple for 3 years) and then had a early miscarriage. I took the MC very bad but by bf just shook the whole thing off as "those things happen". Now I've been wantin...
A. 19 December 2011: "later I will work full time, later when you might get a fulltime job too, later when I might have bought a house, later I will stop fiddling with my cars and computers and spend time with you, later when we have kids and really need to get married ... (read in full...)
Our sex life has stopped being fun, she says its because she is not comfortable 100%, any advice please?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years, the relationship is going alright, however certain things are making me feel a little unappreciated, and I know this sounds selfish, but it's all to do with sex. For the first year, the sex was adventur...
A. 19 December 2011: "I'm not saying I need sex and blow jobs to feel appreciated..."
You say that, but:
"...the lack of instigation and giving from her just makes me feel like I'm unattractive and useless."
There is no shame is wanting and needing a physical a... (read in full...)
Do I have the right to be mad?
Q. My husband and I rarely go out. We visit alot with his family and we go out as a couple often. But we dont go out with other couples. He has has a job almost a year now, and we have gone out 2x with the owner of the company and with the own...
A. 19 December 2011: You have the right to your feelings, even when they are unreasonable. How you act is another story.
Your husband has to work with this man, and leaving him to his own devices could cause a rift later. Not to mention the basic human decency ... (read in full...)
Do I pick the good guy or the bad guy?
Q. help me!!!! I love two men and have no idea what to do.... one is a good guy ones a bad guy but I just dont know who to choose!...
A. 17 December 2011: Please tell me you're only trolling.... (read in full...)
My crushes always like my prettier friends
Q. I like a guy, who is a friend of mine. But, I think he likes one of my other friends. Neither of them knows I like him. I won't tell them. My friend is so much prettier than I am... she has great hair (I have thin, ugly hair), green eyes (I have ...
A. 16 December 2011: This is one of those things where the first step is the hardest one. If it makes you feel better, the vast majority of guys have a similar problem - attracting someone in the first place is the hardest step of all. So you're not alone.
Attra... (read in full...)
Guys! What are the motivations, excuses, reasons, justification for men who are cheating?
Q. I'm trying to better understand motivations for men cheating. So all the men out there... IF your woman is very attractive, always sexually available and ready for you, gives you massages, regularly cooks meals, works and pays her own sh...
A. 16 December 2011: I wouldn't, personally, but I live by a pretty strict moral code (one of the side effects being how very judgmental I am of everyone else). Or at least, I haven't yet, despite never having even met a woman who has all the qualities you listed.
... (read in full...)
How do I get past my social awkwardness?
Q. This is something that I have been wanting/trying to get past for a long time. I have been struggling with a lot of things i.e negative thoughts, what people think of me, percieved lack of confidence etc. This has lead me to isolate myself s...
A. 13 December 2011: This ought to get you started:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-be-attractive-a-beginners-guide-for.html
Above all, remember to be willing to take risks. Nothing ventured, nothing gained; who dares, wins. Are there consequences whe... (read in full...)
Why do all the men I meet mess me around?
Q. Hi eveyone this is my problem I can never meet a man who won't mess me about! eveyone I have dated have cheated on me or used me for money even though I'm skint. my last relationship was we met he wanted sex nothing more that was it, kept making ...
A. 13 December 2011: The bad news is, it's probably something you're doing. The good news is, that means you have the power to change it.
Either you're choosing to date guys who are predisposed to screwing girls over, or you're dating otherwise decent men but acti... (read in full...)
Have any girls on here gone to a bar alone?
Q. I have been on my own for a long time now. It has been bothering me for a while but it has only become a problem recently. I don't have particularly great coping skills and feelings of loneliness have become overwhelming. I really need to make some ...
A. 13 December 2011: Don't go to a bar alone, especially as a chick. You can't drink enough to really enjoy yourself when you're alone, and every guy you talk to will consider talking to you a waste of time if you aren't looking to hook up.
Are you sure nobody a... (read in full...)
Do women want powerful, wealthy men more than considerate, nice guys?
Q. I know nobody wants a wimp. But do all women prefer the self-absorbed jerk with power over the nice, middle class guy who is considerate of a woman's feelings? Is the law of the jungle and the law of human love really the same?...
A. 13 December 2011: Women want socially dominant men above all else. Power and wealth are the most visible means of getting social dominance, but there are other ways - confidence, fame, social savvy, outright thuggishness... depends on the woman's social circle, as ... (read in full...)
What do you think the norm is for sexual experiences at age 20?
Q. Is it normal to have less than 2 sexual partners and to settle with one long term boyfriend by the age of 20? I don't mean to generalize, but many people my age treat sex like it's no big deal, having multiple one night stands. I don't like the idea ...
A. 12 December 2011: In my experience, the most mature and emotionally stable girls are the ones who good at finding decent men, and who only have sex with those men within established relationships. There are obviously other factors in determining maturity, but those ... (read in full...)
I am pregnant but don't want to tell date I've met online
Q. ive been speaking to this guy who i meet on plent of fish for over a year now and never meet untill 2 weeks ago and have met twice now we get on really well over txt phone and in person, but the thing is he told me he wants to be with me and ...
A. 9 December 2011: If your pregnancy is going to make you lose him, that won't change just because you don't tell him right away. Do it as soon as possible so he won't think you've been hiding it. It's your best shot.... (read in full...)
What is the best way to get back your husband's sexual attention?
Q. What is the best way to get back your husband's sexual attention? I feel my husband does not look at me with desire. And never really care to have sex with me. I'm not sure what is going on, but I would like to make some changes from my side, an...
A. 9 December 2011: Depends on a lot of things. Can you post a follow-up with any or all of the following information (obviously, don't worry about posting anything you're uncomfortable with):
What kind of shape are you in (including your BMI)? How good is your ski... (read in full...)
My ex wanted someone with direction and a plan. We broke up but I am working on it. Will she consider that?
Q. Hello, So, I'm writing from a guy's point of view, but more for a need for perspective than anything else. So you see, I was dating a girl with a pretty similar personality. Motivated by work, has a high paying job and though open minded, comes fr...
A. 9 December 2011: First off, good for you on trying to step up and motivate yourself to achieve more. Just remember that, when you look at successful people, all you see is the end result; it's all too easy to miss their earlier failures, missteps, and regrets. ... (read in full...)
He wants a baby but not marriage?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year. (He's in his early 40's and I'm in my early 30's.) We recently got pregnant, but I had a miscarriage. Though this pregnancy was unexpected, we had discussed wanting to have kids together in ...
A. 8 December 2011: "He still wants to move forward with getting pregnant again soon, and keeps saying that we could get married after we have the baby. Why after we have the baby and not now?"
I think you're trying to imply concern that he may be trying to put if o... (read in full...)
Feeling Of No Self Worth...Advice?
Q. Ok so I don't really think I'm asking a question just randomnly ranting. But I am a 19 year old girl. I just feel like there is no purpose in this world for me. I don't have a job or going to college. I dropped out of college in November 2010 ...
A. 7 December 2011: I usually hate cliche sayings, but... "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." I'll bet it feels like a thousand miles between where you are and where you want to be. There are effective ways to combat depression and to improve ... (read in full...)
He wants a baby but not marriage?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year. (He's in his early 40's and I'm in my early 30's.) We recently got pregnant, but I had a miscarriage. Though this pregnancy was unexpected, we had discussed wanting to have kids together in ...
A. 7 December 2011: The problem is (and ask him, I'm sure he'll agree) is that marriage is not a "commitment." Every state in the U.S. has no-fault divorce. You can literally walk away and take his children anytime you like, mail him the divorce papers, and that's ... (read in full...)
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