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... Send *ikita a private message | | | *ikita's profile:Hi, I'm Nikita. I'm 41 and I have three children, two teenagers and one eleven year old. I also have five cats; Misty, Monty, Binks, Shreddie and Fluffy. I don't have any professional qualifications to be an agony aunt but what I do have is experience of life and relationships and common sense and my friends all tell me that I give good advice and I'll try my best to do the same on this site no matter what the problem is. I've had my fair share of them over the years and I know what it feels like to be alone, afraid and low. I also know how it feels to be content and happy so I know there's always light in the darkness. What makes me tick is writing. I've had several short stories published and Im in the process of writing a novel. I also like reading, red wine, chocolate chip cookies, dancing, walking and being by the sea. I'm currently in a relationship and have been for three years. |
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How can I get him back without it being obvious?
Q. A guy split up with me and was so rude. Is there any way I can get him back that is not too obvious?? Thank you....
A. 20 December 2006: Hi anon, well when you say get him back, i take it that you mean you want revenge and not that you want him back! If you want revenge then the best form is to let him see that you dont care about him and you're having fun without him. Any other form ... (read in full...)
Nasty fella just with me for sex?
Q. Whenever my boyfriend gets wasted he ends up arguing with me and splitting up with me. He apologises the next day and acts like nothing happened. But i hurt for ages after. On sat night, he was downing shots of wine in a game, and it brought a real ...
A. 18 December 2006: i feel for you you poor thing. My advice to you? DUMP HIM. He does not deserve you at all. What a complete *******! Sorry but ive been where you are and its not nice at all. I spent so much time crying and trying to change him. What a wasted few ... (read in full...)
GF or older woman, which way do I turn?
Q. Hi, wondering if you can help. I have been with my g/f since i was 16 and she was 18. We quickly grew to love each other over a short space of time. She revealed to me that she had suffered with depression and used to be really ill as a child. This ...
A. 18 December 2006: Hi Dave, I think its natural to miss her cos you were together for quite a while but if you're not sure what to do then i dont think you should go back to her cos it wouldnt be fair on her. She's obviously quite fragile and if she has low esteem ... (read in full...)
Am I likely to be pregnant?
Q. i had unprotected sex a week b4 i was supposed to ovulate and 4 days b4 too. am i more likely to be pregnant than not be. i do not need to worry about sexually transmitted infections as he hasnt had sex with any1 since me as i was his first. help ...
A. 18 December 2006: Hi anon, you could be pregnant yes because as Stina has said, you are more fertile just before you ovulate, normally two weeks before your period. If your cycle isnt regular however then your ovulation days will be different of course. Im not going ... (read in full...)
He wants me in his life, I am not over him, what should I do?
Q. My ex and I have dated for one and a half years and were very much into each other during the time. We were both each other's first loves, but sex was always a big issue in our relationship, because I wasn't ready and he was. Eight months into the ...
A. 18 December 2006: Hello, well it sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it because he's trying to string both of you along and its not fair to you, or to her.I think you should ignore his calls and texts and dont talk to him until he's grown up a little. He's ... (read in full...)
Contraceptive advice - side effects?
Q. Hi. I have a question about birth control. I just started Yasmin about 3 weeks ago and i have this tingling sensation in my right foot and sometimes it's like an itching feeling in my lower calf muscles. I've been on Junel and experienced "charlie ...
A. 18 December 2006: Hello,Im not sure i can help you on this question because as Willywombat says you need to see a doctor who would be able to examine you and tell you more about it than i could. There are side effects with the pill but im not familiar with the ones ... (read in full...)
Do I wait or is she just playing with me?
Q. hey. Me and this girl have recently been getting very close although she has only just finished in a realtionship. She sent me this text yesterday. "I do really like you im just not ready for a relationship yet but its nothing against you. I really ...
A. 17 December 2006: Hi anon, i dont think that she is playing with you. she just wants to take things slowly thats all. she cares for you obviously but she's probably feeling a little fragile after the break up of her last relationship and needs some time to adjust. ... (read in full...)
She left me because she didn't agree that I communicated with other females. I want to call, is it too late?
Q. After our current 4th breakup in over a 1yr and a half, my still want to try again, because I truly believe in us. Hesitantly, she left 2 weeks ago, because she discovered that I still communicate w/ other women (couple of moved-on exs and...
A. 17 December 2006: Hi Adrian. well from what i can see you've done everything you can to convince her that she is the only woman in your life. you've bent over backwards for her and i dont think that you should remove every female from your life because i dont think ... (read in full...)
I haven't hear from in 2-3 weeks. I miss him so bad! Any advice?
Q. Recently split with my boyfriend and its been about 2/3 weeks and not heard from him! i miss him so bad! xx...
A. 17 December 2006: Hi anon, well if he hasnt called you then i think its because he realises its over and has moved on. I know you're missing him and it hurts but i think you should try and get on with your life. go out with your friends and have fun and eventually ... (read in full...)
He postponed our wedding - am I food for sticking with him?
Q. Am I a fool still wanting to be with my fiance after he wanted to postpone our wedding? Just a few months before our wedding date, he wanted to postpone our wedding because he felt we were not as close as before. I sort of agree but think it is ...
A. 15 December 2006: Hi there, Its better that he postponed the wedding then go through with it and regret it. He probably had pre wedding jitters which is quite common because after all getting married is a big step. If you still love each other and are still commited ... (read in full...)
I haven't had a bf in ages and my friends are hurtful towards me - I'm so upset. Please help!
Q. Dear all those willing to listen to me... atm i feel very depressed i havent had a bf in ages and all the guys in my area and surrounding towns hate me and everywhere i go im known as the midge or the lezbo im sick of this reputation i mean im only ...
A. 15 December 2006: Hello, Im really sorry that you're feeling so down. Your friends cant be true friends if they're so mean to you. I know where you're coming from cos when i was sixteen i was very much like you. I had no bf and hardly any real friends. I got called ... (read in full...)
After two months he said things weren't working out. Do we still have a chance, or should I take time out for myself?
Q. Hi there, I am feeling very sad. The guy I was seeing broke it off with me a few nights ago. I am 25 he is 27. We got on so well and things were going great. He told me he really liked me, how amazing I was and how he hadn't been with someone he ...
A. 15 December 2006: Hi anon, i think you realise that you went out with this guy too soon after the breakup of your previous relationship. you're right when you say that you were still in 'relationship' mode. you were rushing things with the new guy and that scared him ... (read in full...)
I dumped her but expected her to contact me but she hasn't! Am I regretting all I did?
Q. Hi I finished with a girl I had been seeing as things were great then they were not. I have not been with anyone serious for years. This girl really made an impact on me, she was pretty different, fun no hangups. Although she start getting pr...
A. 15 December 2006: Hi anon, well im not sure why you would want her to contact you after you've just dumped her. Did you think that she would be so devasted that she would try and make you change your mind in some way. you cant expect the girl to contact you after ... (read in full...)
I'm 13-he's 16 and I need toask what type of trouble he would get into, if we were to have sex.
Q. hi this may be a stupid question but what is the law on under 16? i have a 16yr old bf and i m 13 and obviosly he can get in to trouble. But we havent had sex yet and ive made it clear that i am not going to till i can with you. But what is it h...
A. 15 December 2006: hi anon, well as Dr Psych says, the age of consent is 16 here and it is ilegal to have sex if you're under that age as you are. Its good that he hasnt pressurised you into it yet and dont let him. there is a good reason why the age of consent is 16 ... (read in full...)
He says that he wants to be in a relationship with me, but I'm not convinced he means it
Q. I need some advice! A couple of days ago, I told my ex boyfriend that I was reaching my breaking point because we were acting like a couple but didn't have that label of boyfriend/girlfriend. After I told him this, he told me that he really cares ...
A. 15 December 2006: Hi mwest, well it sounds like he wants to be with you. all the signs say so. After all, he wouldnt be with you if he didnt want to be. he said that he would do anything to make you happy and keep you from leaving so i think thats pretty good ... (read in full...)
My long distance bf and I are on a break, but I want him back. I'm afraid he'll forget about me if I give him loads of space!
Q. My boyfriend and I are long distance and are on a break, I want him back desperately, what do I do? He wants to think over our long term future until end Jan but I think if I give him loads of space he will just forget about me. We spoke last sun ...
A. 14 December 2006: Hi Anon, you have to let him come to a decision on his own and that means stepping back and giving him the space he needs. i realise that this is hard but if you do this then he will think more favourably of you. long distance relationships are not ... (read in full...)
My girl has done "porno" shoots before!
Q. Hi I've been seeing a girl now for two weeks. She's great and funny and attractive and smart (something you don't always get). But there's just one thing. She told me she did one or two porn photo shoots which she says she regrets and needed money ...
A. 14 December 2006: dear anon, at least she told you and didnt hide it from you. She obviously values you and cares for you enough to be upfront about it. She regrets it and obviously would like to forget it. i wouldnt worry about what other guys think. They'll just be ... (read in full...)
What does commitment really mean?
Q. What does commitment really mean? ...
A. 13 December 2006: Hi Anon, well commitement can mean different things to different people. To some its just being together in a relationship while to others its moving in together or getting married. I would say, personally, that commitement is buying a house ... (read in full...)
Is there better contraception then the pill?
Q. I have sex with my boyfriend. and I use the pill and he uses the condom. so two protections. but my main concern is, sometimes i forget to take the pill for a while. and take it later in the morning then as soon as i get up. could i get pre...
A. 13 December 2006: Dear Anon, if you forget to take the pill and his condom splits then yes you could get pregnant so you need to remember to take it every day. I think the pill is 98%effective so unless you abstain from sex its the best form of contraception for ... (read in full...)
My bf constantly stares at other females until they notice him! Is he desperate for attention, is he insecure?
Q. My boyfriend of 4 years drives me nuts by constantly staring at other girls until they notice and then start returning the stares enjoying the attention...eye ping-pong begins! Why does he do this? Is he desperate for attention, is he insecure or ...
A. 13 December 2006: Hi Confused. Well, most men will flick looks at an attractive woman and some will even stare quite openly but it seems that your partenr is taking this to an extreme and it is making you unhappy. He could be doing it to reassure himself that he ... (read in full...)
I ended a brief affair w/ my coworker, but I would like to hear others' opinions about it - any thoughts?
Q. I can't believe I'm writing this, my head must be mashed! Well, where do I start? I've been married for 4 years and have a beautiful daughter coming up to three years old. I care for my wife deeply but cannot honestly say I'm in love with her any ...
A. 12 December 2006: Hi Anon, You did the right thing in ending the affair.You really need to concentrate on sorting your marriage out. You say you're not in love with your wife anymore. I think the best thing would for you to talk with her. You've both slipped into a ... (read in full...)
Happy Holidays agony aunts! Thank you Dear Cupid!
Q. I would like to wish everyone on this website HAPPY HOLIDAYS! All the discussions have really helped me a lot, and I have gained much understanding about love and relationships from reading everyones answers and the different perspectives...
A. 12 December 2006: thanks Manya and a happy holidays to you too. I hope that you get everything you ask for. Have a brilliant new year!xx... (read in full...)
He and everyone else says my partner has not been seeing someone else, but I have doubts
Q. Everyone is telling me that my partner of 6 years has been not seeing this women and he swears on our three kids lives that he hasn't, My heart believes him but my mind has doubts, we have so much to loose if i walk out but will i always wonder if ...
A. 12 December 2006: Hi Robyn,
Its hard when you have little niggling doubts about someone. Ive been there myself but as you will never 100% know for sure I think that you have to move on from this and try and forget it, hard as it may be. Is it worth losi... (read in full...)
I feel ashamed of my body since he's been looking at porn - I feel this could break us apart
Q. Pornography - How do I cope, I can't compete Found out my fella has been using pornography when he stays in hotels.....this comes after an event 2-3 years ago when I found out he had been looking at porn on my computer.....nearly tore us appart t...
A. 12 December 2006: Hi,
Please dont feel ashamed of yourself or your body. Porn stars finely tune their bodies to look its best(well most anyway. Ive seen some that are dogs!)and some have surgery too. My partner looks at porn and he tells me that he doesn't in a... (read in full...)
She says she loves me, but she refuses to stop seeing other guys! Should I let her go?
Q. Please I need everyone's help on this situation. My problem now is that, I have a girl friend which I truely love, and she told me she really love me and the same time have another guy which she loved as well just like the way she love me, that she ...
A. 12 December 2006: Dear Anon,
I think that if she really loved you then she wouldn't be with another guy. She likes you obviously but if you love her then its not enough. if you were completely happy with her seeing other men then there wouldn't be a prob... (read in full...)
I'm 13, started my periods but I think my body is too small for tampons!
Q. I started my period, the next one is due next week and im really worried. i cant wear towels, im 13 but my pant size is very small and the towels are sticking out of them. they irrate me and go up my butt its digusting! I want to try tampons but i ...
A. 11 December 2006: Hi there.
I feel for you. Periods are no fun are they and towels are even less fun. Dont worry though because you can use tampons even if you think you're too small. They come in all shapes and sizes and you can get small ones that will be e... (read in full...)
I'm 13, started my periods but I think my body is too small for tampons!
Q. I started my period, the next one is due next week and im really worried. i cant wear towels, im 13 but my pant size is very small and the towels are sticking out of them. they irrate me and go up my butt its digusting! I want to try tampons but i ...
A. 11 December 2006: Hi there.
I feel for you. Periods are no fun are they and towels are even less fun. Dont worry though because you can use tampons even if you think you're too small. They come in all shapes and sizes and you can get small ones that will be e... (read in full...)
I'm 14 - how do I stop this 'relationship' I'm in?
Q. Okay, im fourteen years old, and me and this boy sam have been mucking around together for the last month. its a secret fling which i loveed, and we would do sexual things to each other. it seemed perfect, none of us got hurt, i liked this other...
A. 11 December 2006: Hi Little girl, It seems to me that this boy Sam has got it made. He's got every girl at his beck and call including you. My advice to you would be to stop having this kind of relationship with him. I know its not what you want to hear ... (read in full...)
He's being distant..what can I do to save this relationship?
Q. What can I do to save my relationship with my man, we don't always agree on things and now he is being distance....
A. 11 December 2006: Hi anon,
You have to talk to him and ask him whats on his mind, how he's feeling. Everybody has differences. Its what makes a relationship more exciting but if these differences spill over into rows all the time then it can be a battle cons... (read in full...)
My dad's friend had sex with me and now my Dad and him got into a big fight! What should I do?
Q. Ok I had sex with guy that is 35 and he is my dads best freind and we were supposed to keep it between us well I started going out with this guy and he found out about it and because i am only 18 he thinks he took advantage of me so he call him and ...
A. 11 December 2006: Hi, well I would sit your dad down and tell him the truth because its bound to come out at some point. If this guy that you're now seeing tells your dad then it will sound bad and much better coming from you. It will be hard to tell him and he will ... (read in full...)
I can't rid myself of this self-hate! Should I see a counselor?
Q. Mt ex split with me 18 months ago for someone else. Im over it now but I cannot stop blaming myself and feeling embarressed and ashamed of what happened. When I first got with him I knew he wasnt exactly the nicest boy in the world. But I fel...
A. 11 December 2006: Dear Anon,
You are obviously still feeling the after effects of what this man did to you. The hurt has gone but the anger remains and I can emphasise with that. Please stop beating yourself up over this. The way he treated you was bad and ... (read in full...)
"Hooking-Up"What does it mean?
Q. What does "hooking up" mean these days? Long ago, being "hooked" meant being married. But now, does it mean immediate physical relationship?...
A. 10 December 2006: Hi Anon,
I have a friend who says that. She'll say, 'we'll have to hook up sometime and do this or do that' It just means to get together with someone and do stuff. Doesnt have to mean you're married or having a relationship. Its quite a ge... (read in full...)
I like him but I don' t do well asking a guy out. What should I do?
Q. I think I like my best friend. I don't get on with girls so I hang around guys. I hang around my best friend a lot. We laugh together. We're nearly in all the same classes. He's so cool. What should I do? I don't do well when I ask a guy out and I ...
A. 10 December 2006: Hi Pink Fairy,
Well you could ask him in a roundabout way by saying something like, 'do you think we'd get as well if we going out together?', and see what his response is. Just say it in a lighthearted way and see what he says. You'... (read in full...)
My husband of 27 years looks at shemale porn. Should I be concerned?
Q. Should I be concerned if my husband of 27 years has been looking at shemale stuff behind my back for the past 2 years? We have only had sex 2 times in 2 years...
A. 10 December 2006: Hi Jane,
I think you need to have a good talk with your husband. It seems to me that if you've only had sex twice in two years and he's looking at porn then you do have a problem that need s to be aired. its become a habit with him and the ... (read in full...)
I'm a teacher. Do you think it is wrong that bossing students around turns me on?
Q. I am a bit of a power freak and I enjoy bossing people around. I am a teacher and I love my job, sometimes I do go little too far but not often. Thing is though, the power thing relates directly to my sexuality. I enjoy bossing students around ...
A. 10 December 2006: Dear Anon,
I have to say i think you have a little problem here and you need to get it sorted, quick before it develops any further. There are lots of things in life that turns on on, form the mundane to the downright weird and as long as i... (read in full...)
Can a relationship continue when only one person has a sex drive?
Q. hi my question is it reasonable to expect a relationship to continue when only one of the couple has any sex drive my partner wont disscus it its been a problem for three years now we are both 39 years old....
A. 10 December 2006: Hi Murdo,
If this relationship is to continue then you have to discover the real reason why your partner has no sex drive. Its normal when one has a higher or lower drive than the other but not if that person has no drive at all. Has she ... (read in full...)
She doesn't want a relationship anymore and the problem is...I can't forget about her! What should I do?
Q. I've been in a relationship for about a month or 2. I have been in plenty of relationships in the past, dumped some girls, been dumped, and moved on. My latest relationship, however, is rather different. I'm 17, she's 19. In the past month or so ...
A. 9 December 2006: Dear Anon,
Im sorry to hear that she doesn't want a relationship anymore. Its hard but you're going to have to respect her wishes. you can't force her into coming back to you. She obviously has her reasons and if she has family issues then... (read in full...)
I always go for the bad boys...is there nothing I can do to make more sensible decisions?
Q. This is no doubt a very common problem, but I always fall for the 'bad boy', and as I result I always end up getting hurt. There are guys I know who are totally into me who are really nice guys, and that are very compatable with me, but I'm just not ...
A. 9 December 2006: Dear Anon,
You're right when you say this is a very common problem. There's just something about a bad boy that attracts women. Maybe they seem more macho in some way but of course, as you've discovered, the risk is that you will end up g... (read in full...)
He invited me to the movies and I am too shy to go with him alone. What can I do?
Q. a guy i like has invited me to the pictures. I want to go but none of my friends are coming and I am really shy what should I do? Should I go to build my confidence or should I leave it and wait until some of my friends can go with me?...
A. 9 December 2006: Dear Anon,
I know how awkward it can be on your very first date! If you really want to go but are too shy then why dont you suggest that one of his friends and one of your friends go along too? If that's not an option then pluck up the cour... (read in full...)
My relationships never last over a month and it's giving me a bad rep! What can I do to keep a guy?
Q. Dear all Please help me out, I am 26 years old and a very pretty and attractive lady but I have never had a serious relationship with a guy. All my relationships wont go past a month. I have tried everything on planet to make the relationship wor...
A. 8 December 2006: What you need to do is take a step back away from looking for a relationship and just spend some time being with friends and doing your own thing. Dont go looking for a guy when you go out. I think sometimes that we give out the wrong signals when ... (read in full...)
How can I get over her cheating on me? I can't stop crying.
Q. How can I stop the tears from falling? How can I get her out of my head? How could she cheat on me when all I did was love her? She was my world and now she has gone....
A. 8 December 2006: I really feel for you. Its the worst thing in the world when you love someone and they betray you. The feeling of hurt you're experiencing wont just go away overnight. its gonna take time and you have to work through your feelings. You may feel ... (read in full...)
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