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*ikita agony aunt

*ikita

United Kingdom  (Female   XML/RSS

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*ikita's profile:

Hi, I'm Nikita. I'm 41 and I have three children, two teenagers and one eleven year old. I also have five cats; Misty, Monty, Binks, Shreddie and Fluffy. I don't have any professional qualifications to be an agony aunt but what I do have is experience of life and relationships and common sense and my friends all tell me that I give good advice and I'll try my best to do the same on this site no matter what the problem is. I've had my fair share of them over the years and I know what it feels like to be alone, afraid and low. I also know how it feels to be content and happy so I know there's always light in the darkness. What makes me tick is writing. I've had several short stories published and Im in the process of writing a novel. I also like reading, red wine, chocolate chip cookies, dancing, walking and being by the sea. I'm currently in a relationship and have been for three years.

< Prev1234Next > [4 pages, 138 answers]

How do I get over this big obsession about his ex! What should I do?

Q.   I have been seeing a guy over 3 yrs, and he left his ex and kids,but now his son is having problems in behavior and might have to stay there. How do i get over not getting upset with him ex there causei really don't like her. I know he loves me. ...

A.   25 January 2007: No problem June. Im glad that you talked with him and that its all out in the open. I hope you stay happy. x... (read in full...)

How do you ask a guy how he feels about you, without giving away all your feelings?

Q.   I really like this guy I work with and I'm pretty sure he likes me too but the flirting and the hinting has gone on for so long now, I just want to know if he likes me in the same way as I like him. But I want to think of a way of asking him how he ...

A.   23 January 2007: Good luck. go for it girl! You wont know until you take the plunge. Hope it works. Let me knowx... (read in full...)

How do you ask a guy how he feels about you, without giving away all your feelings?

Q.   I really like this guy I work with and I'm pretty sure he likes me too but the flirting and the hinting has gone on for so long now, I just want to know if he likes me in the same way as I like him. But I want to think of a way of asking him how he ...

A.   23 January 2007: Hi there, it certainly sounds as if he likes you but you two could be going on like this for ages if one of you doesnt make a move. It sounds like he's too shy to do it so you have to get in there! If you dont want to lay all your cards on the table ... (read in full...)

How do I get over this big obsession about his ex! What should I do?

Q.   I have been seeing a guy over 3 yrs, and he left his ex and kids,but now his son is having problems in behavior and might have to stay there. How do i get over not getting upset with him ex there causei really don't like her. I know he loves me. ...

A.   23 January 2007: Hi there, well you have to accept that he does have a responsibilty to his children and if he has to move back in with his ex to help control his son's behaviour then you should respect that. I know its hard if you really dont like his ex but you ... (read in full...)

What would you make of a disappearing condom?

Q.   If you counted condoms one time at your b/f's place AND was pretty damn sure you counted right and said 9 to yourself and then another time count them and you are pretty damn sure one was missing..would you automatically assume your b.f was ...

A.   20 January 2007: Hi there, well, its pretty flimsy evidence but if you're worried why not ask him in a casual way and see what he says. if everything is fine in your relationship otherwise then I wouldnt be too concerned about this.... (read in full...)

He's gone from my life and I can't move on-in case he comes back! What should I do?

Q.   Me and this "lad" got talking online about a year ago now and we fell for each other. We live about 5 and a half hours away from each other also we became best friends weve been threw alot together and stuck by each other through thick and thin. ...

A.   20 January 2007: Hi there, when you say he's gone do you mean he's moved? If he hasnt responded to your emails or anything then I think you have to accept that he's had something happen in his life that has caused him to move on from you. it could be that he's met ... (read in full...)

Do I risk hurting my sensitive bf and date this other guy that I have fun with?

Q.   i dated this guy for two weeks but its still very early..and i like his freind before i met him..my bf is really sweet, but kinda clingy,and hes very sensitive..and i really hate to hurt him! and his freind is so fun to be around..he makes...

A.   20 January 2007: Hi there, well I think to be honest, you should be kind to your bf and end it with him because its not fair to be making eyes at someone else when with him knowing that you like this other boy more. He will be hurt probably but he will get over it ... (read in full...)

Thought I was completely over my ex, until we met up again. She single so what Should I do now?

Q.   My ex whom I dated for a year and a half broke up with me about 7 months ago. It turned out she left me for someone else which was heartbreaking at the time, but now im over it. Anyways I stumbled across my ex after not talking to her in the longest ...

A.   20 January 2007: Hi, well if you believe in second chances then I think you should take that chance. Next time you see her, ask her if she wants to give it another go and if she does then fine. Lay some ground rules though first. Make it clear that you want to take ... (read in full...)

I'm a recovering alcoholic. I'm just wondering, in new relationships is it best not to mention it until later?

Q.   It's been four weeks since I split with my ex. I can now see what a damaging relationship it was. She had so many issues, played so many mind games and lied so much that I can now see that I should have got out much sooner. I have not made contact ...

A.   19 January 2007: Hi, first of all Id just like to say how well you're doing as regards the alcohol. I know how hard it is. My ex partner was an alcoholic so well done for not having a drink in three years. As regards accepting other dates, I think that if you want ... (read in full...)

He said he doesn't want sex b/c he's "got something" that's none of my business. Then I found a vile text from him to another woman!

Q.   Dear Cupid My partner had been tempted to have a fling with a girl he met at the gym and I found a text he was going to send her, which was vile. He swore nothing came of it and never would. It forced me to look at myself and why he may want to ...

A.   19 January 2007: I feel for you, you poor thing. He's behaving badly at the moment and you shouldnt put up with it. You have to talk to him again and find out whats going on. You deserve to know where you stand so you can make a decision as regards this ... (read in full...)

Why are my friends trying to screw me over?!

Q.   Ok here the deal, Its kind of complicated but one of my best friends (Rach) went crazy at me today because she thinks i'm talking about her behind her back. Obiously I haven't, but no matter what I said I couldn't make her see that. So eventually I ...

A.   19 January 2007: Well, I guess she cant be that much of a friend if she truely doesnt believe you and has taken someone elses word over yours, especially when you've tried to convince her you didnt say things about her. I dont know why she doesnt believe you. Have ... (read in full...)

I'm crazy about her but she's married! She says she feels 'something' but is commited to her marrige. What can I do?

Q.   I'm a single guy in my thirties. Last year i met this great woman at a place i don't go to very often. I asked her out as i thought she was lovely and amazing. She refused as she's married. A couple of months ago, i met with her again at the s...

A.   19 January 2007: If she's committed to her marriage then you have to do the right thing and take a step back. It wouldnt be fair or right to keep seeing her when she wants to give her marriage a go and it certainly wouldnt be fair to her husband. I would suggest ... (read in full...)

I met a guy who is perfect for me but he has two kids from a previous marrige. I feel that everyone is prejudiced against us. What should we do?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I have a problem. I met this man 1 yr and some months ago , he was nice and really a wonderful guy....in other words perfect for me...but he came with bagage.He was married and had 2 kids from his previous marriage.When we met , he had ...

A.   17 January 2007: I feel for you. This is hard, She obviously is determined to hold onto him in some way even if she doesnt want him anymore and its terrible for the children stuck in the middle of all this. You have to retain your dignity and hold your head up. Do ... (read in full...)

Been with my bf for 5 years but he has no photos of me up in his house. Should I be worried by this?

Q.   me and my boyfriend have been together 5 years,in his home he doesn't have anything to suggest he's in a relationship, not even a photo of me or me and him together. I believe it's to say he is single and available,am i right in thinking this?...

A.   17 January 2007: Not necessarily. Maybe he just hasnt thought about putting a pic up of you. I would look at other aspects of your relationship to see if there's anything to suggest he wants to appear to be single. If he is still loving to you and treats you well ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend fouund out I chaeted on him with my ex, I'm afraid he might dump me. I need a solution quick!

Q.   I have lied to my boyfriend about not having sex with my ex as i was afraid that he would dump me. Right now, he has found out somehow and i need a solution to make up for this big mistake or he'll never come back to me. Please help me with the huge ...

A.   16 January 2007: I see well in that case, you havent done anything wrong if it was before you met him. I think he's feeling a bit insecure here and needs to realise that you have a past and you cant change it. Why would it be any of his business anyway for you to be ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend fouund out I chaeted on him with my ex, I'm afraid he might dump me. I need a solution quick!

Q.   I have lied to my boyfriend about not having sex with my ex as i was afraid that he would dump me. Right now, he has found out somehow and i need a solution to make up for this big mistake or he'll never come back to me. Please help me with the huge ...

A.   16 January 2007: Hi there, well if you want him back you're going to have to be prepared to do a lot of apologising and bending over backwards to please him. You've hurt him and betrayed him badly so at the moment he's not going to in much of a forgiving mood but if ... (read in full...)

My partner is acting suspicious, he's cheated on me before but am I worrying over nothing?

Q.   my partner is still texting his ex and tells her he still loves her and that we are not together. we have been together six months. he also hides his mobiles or puts them on silent or turns them off when im around. he spends every night with me and ...

A.   16 January 2007: Hi Mandy, well, Yes I would be very suspicious if my partner was still texting his ex, expecially if he told her he still loved her and we werent together! In fact I would be asking him some very stern questions like why are you behaving like this ... (read in full...)

He blows hot and cold!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now.We live in the same house and are getting married. My question is Why does he not seem to care how I feel at times and other times he can be so sweet? I am not sure how to read him....

A.   16 January 2007: Hi there, well I think most women can identify with what you say. Just as us females blow hot and cold at particular time sof the month so can men. They cant be nice and sweet all the time. Other influences can affect how they feel and its no ... (read in full...)

Confused, scared and alone... lied to a bunch of friends that I was no longer a virgin when I am!

Q.   Recently I lied to a bunch of my friends about being a virgin. I know its childish and inmature of me to do, but when I was confronted with the question flashes of rejection from every girl I've ever liked dating back into gradeschool flashed in ...

A.   16 January 2007: Hiya, well I agree with David. Stop looking and trying so hard and it will come to you. I felt this way a few years ago. Im a teeny bit older than you but we all get alone sometimes no matter what age we are, especially when everyone around you ... (read in full...)

Just got out of a 2 year relationship-is it too soon to date others, again?

Q.   hi i have just come out of a 2 year relationship which ended on good terms.thing is i really like this bloke and he seems to like me as well.i am just wondering is it too soon to start a new relationship or just go on a few dates first and have fun?...

A.   14 January 2007: Well, if you like each other it seems a shame not to have fun together in a casual way. Just go out on a few fun dates at first, nothing heavy okay and see where it leads. You're young and need to experience a bit of life before you tie yourself ... (read in full...)

I get turned on by naked chicks more than men.. scared I may become a lesbian!

Q.   I'm a female and not a lesbian but i get turned on seeing women naked than seeing men naked. What the heck is wrong with me!?? This is very unlikely for a woman but i do get excited when i see women's breast and women in bikinis (only those you ...

A.   11 January 2007: Hiya, well Im pretty sure you're not a lesbian especially when you say you only get turned on by women on porn sites where they are blatantly sexual. If you were a lesbian then you would fancy other women, ie, in your everyday life. Its quite normal ... (read in full...)

I'm afraid that I'll push him away with my insecurities!

Q.   i had a seven year relationship that ended due to his cheating. im with someone else now who had a similar relationship with his ex girlfriend. how do i stop myself thinking he will do the same as my ex? i love him very much but im scared i will ...

A.   10 January 2007: Everytime you feel insecure and have 'thoughts' in your head, try and rethink how you're feeling. You have to learn how to undo all the negativity that has been in your life and try and introduce positivity. Its hard but with practice you can ... (read in full...)

Im only 13 and watching porn sites. Is this normal?

Q.   I need some help. I've been looking at porn sites, but i'm only 13. i do it almost everyday, but a few weeks ago i stopped. Just last week i' starting to view them again. is this normal?...

A.   7 January 2007: Hiya, its normal for you to be interested in sex and curious about it all but these porn sites will give you a distorted view of sex. They can be addictive as you have discovered and they are not really healthy for you especially as you are such a ... (read in full...)

Am I suffering from a stress rash and if so, how do I get rid of it?

Q.   does anybody suffer with this problem because its really getting me down. when i go out with friends have sex with my boyfriend of 2 yrs or just at college i get a rash on my face which travels down my neck to my chest ive been told its a stress ...

A.   7 January 2007: Hiya. well from what you've said, it sounds as if you have very sensitive skin. I have suffered from this problem in the past and I discovered that differences in temp brought it on. If I entered a warm place from the cold I would get a red rash or ... (read in full...)

She's special to me and she's dealing with the grief of losing someone close...how can I further help her with this?

Q.   about a month ago i met a really special woman! She is the one i have been waiting for, and it just feels realy perfect when we are together! We both feel the same way, but about a year ago her boyfriend died in a accident, and she is still battling ...

A.   6 January 2007: You sound so lovely. I wish id had someone like you when my bf died years ago. You are doing all you can for this girl and she is lucky to have you there. Just keep doing what you're doing is my advice. She obviously trusts you a lot as she is ... (read in full...)

Do I have Seasonal Affective Disorder? Does anyone know more about this?

Q.   I don't know why but recently I have felt a little low, and a bit down. I have been quite tired a lot too and felt worn out. I have been working quite a bit, and my job is very physical with lifting heavy goods. I go too the gym three times a week ...

A.   6 January 2007: Yes it could be SAD. My mum suffers from this actually and she feels ever so low in the Winter months when the evenings are darker. She bought a light box and she says it has helped a little. There are plenty of websites that you can look up which ... (read in full...)

I cant take his lies anymore. He says he will change but he doesnt. Any advice?

Q.   have been dating my boyfriend on and off for about four years now. he is a good guy and i love him, and he still tells me he loves me. we have had our problems but usually we work things out. recently though he did something that made me feel very ...

A.   6 January 2007: Hiya, well you say that he is a good guy and that he loves you but in the same breath you say he lies and didnt call you on New Years Eve. What does he lie about? Are they serious enough to warrent ending your relationship. Everybody tells lies to a ... (read in full...)

I'm in love with my best friend's brother and might be pregnant! I have no idea what to do!

Q.   Im a 16 yrs old and Im in love with my best friends brother who is 25. Im so scared because I lost my virginity to him. I am freaking out. I think Im pregnant. I cant talk to my mom or dad because it will hurt them that I had sex with a 25 year old. ...

A.   6 January 2007: Well, the first thing you need to do is find out if you're pregnant. You need to get a testing kit or see your doctor. Then you need to talk to your parents. I know itll be hard but they are the best people to talk to and can help you. They will be ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend gets in a mood if I don't act super excited about what she's talking about! It's annoying putting on an act, though. Advice?

Q.   I feel most of the time when im with my girlfriend (of 1 year) I have too put on an act. Im not a loud hyperactive speaking person and just say it as it is. But my girlfriend is the opposite and when im not jumping up and down over somthing she is ...

A.   5 January 2007: I agree with Shandypop. It doesnt sound like you have a lot in common. You appear to be complete opposites and while that is not always a bad thing, you do need to find some common ground in order to make this work. Ask her what she likes doing, ... (read in full...)

He's my first bf and he tretas me like a queen..but I wnat to experience dating others. Whar should I do?

Q.   pls someone answer me! im 17 and have been with my boyfriend for 1yr and a half. he means the world to me and i to him. he treats me like a queen. but there is one problem. ive never dated before i met him, he was my first, so i keep getting this ...

A.   24 December 2006: Hi there. well, if you are feel that you want to date other guys and experience being single then the kindest thing to do is to end the relationship. You said you will probably regret it but if you stay you may regret it more. I dont think that this ... (read in full...)

I love my GF, but Im really bothered about her past sexaul partners, how can I get past this ??

Q.   I have been with my girl or almost a year. Im in love with her so much, but it really bothers me about the guys she has slept with beore me and she is my 1st girl riend. What should i do to get over this?...

A.   23 December 2006: Hi Mark, Im afraid there's not a lot you can do about her past but there is a lot you can do about her future, and that is, realise that she's with you now and try and stop thinking about her other bfs. They are her ex's for a reason. Everyone has a ... (read in full...)

There's a sleepover soon, with alcohol. Should we do the nasty?

Q.   I'm 15 and i really love this guy. Should i sleep with him? I know he feels the same way. There is a sleepover soon with alcohol and i dont know if things will just happen without me really thinking about it so i want to make my mind up before i go....

A.   23 December 2006: hi there again, well all I can add to what ive already said is, if you want to drink then thats up to you but i wouldnt advise you to have sex while you're drunk. I realise that you want to sleep with him and again thats up to you. I would just do ... (read in full...)

There's a sleepover soon, with alcohol. Should we do the nasty?

Q.   I'm 15 and i really love this guy. Should i sleep with him? I know he feels the same way. There is a sleepover soon with alcohol and i dont know if things will just happen without me really thinking about it so i want to make my mind up before i go....

A.   23 December 2006: Hi there. Im going to tell you a true story about a teenage girl, a friend of my daughter who did exactly as you're thinking of doing. She was your age and she went to a party and got drunk and had sex with a boy she fancied. You can probably guess ... (read in full...)

Preganancy and abortion help, please!

Q.   I am 18 and normally my boyfriend and I take care to use precautions when having sex. I am on the pill, but recently due to exam stress I have happened to miss approx. 3-4 pills in a row and we have had 'unprotected' sex twice(without hi...

A.   23 December 2006: Hi there, well Pete's answer has covered your question pretty well but one thing i will say is that ive taken the morning after pill in the past and my period was late also. This can happen with the morning after pill. Sometimes, your period can be ... (read in full...)

SITE NEWS: Happy Xmas to everyone, from DearCupid!

Q.   It has been a busy year here at DearCupid! We celebrated our 2nd birthday in November and had our 20,000th question and 70,000th answer published... Thanks to everyone who contributes to the site: Those who ask questions, those who answer, and ...

A.   23 December 2006: my xmas was going just fine and dandy until the cat jumped at the xmas tree and pulled it over which in turn pulled a decoration down which fell into the candles i had burning which caught fire. I leapt up yelling, tripped over the cat who had run ... (read in full...)

How can I ask her out again? I was rejected the last time I asked.

Q.   there is this girl i love,when i asked her out the first time she said no,i guess because we were in the crowd.she then stopped talking to me.after me started talking to me.i would like to know how to ask her out a second time and to gain her trust ...

A.   22 December 2006: hi there. well just be friendly and nice to her but dont pressure her in any way. Treat her like a lady and make it clear that you dont want anything but friendship. when she sees that you've backed off a little, she'll relax and things will ... (read in full...)

I'm flying from the US to England to meet my bf's family - but they detest Americans! I'm so nervous!!

Q.   Hi, I'm in an LDR with an English guy (I'm in New York) and over the Christmas holiday I'm flying over there to spend time with him. During that time I'm meeting his family. I'm really nervous. In addition to normal nerves when meeting a boy...

A.   20 December 2006: Hi anon, well i can see why you're nervous! I can sort of relate cos my daughter in law is American. She's from Baltimore and she was terribly nervous when she first visited here cos she had heard stories about how us Brits hate Americans. I assured ... (read in full...)

I'm ready to call our new marriage quits because he masterbates...

Q.   How can I deal with husband masterbating instead of being with me? I am young and attractive, I have a very high sex drive and my huband who is 12 years older than me doesn't. I've caught him materbating numerious times and it disgusts me because of ...

A.   20 December 2006: Hi anon, well, its quite normal for a man to masturbate i can assure you and has no reflection on you at all. Even men that are in happy and loving relationships masturbate. Its just a quick and easy release for them when they're maybe too tired or ... (read in full...)

SITE NEWS: Happy Xmas to everyone, from DearCupid!

Q.   It has been a busy year here at DearCupid! We celebrated our 2nd birthday in November and had our 20,000th question and 70,000th answer published... Thanks to everyone who contributes to the site: Those who ask questions, those who answer, and ...

A.   20 December 2006: Hello everyone and a Merry Xmas to you all. Have a wonderful time. Eat drink and be merry. Its the only time when you have an excuse! Hope the New Year will bring you all that you hope for, love and best wishes to all the Aunts and Uncles and all ... (read in full...)

How do I move on from my break up? How do I meet someone who even begins to compare?

Q.   ive had a lot of help from this website, now I REALLY need some please!! My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday. We had been on a break and he now says he is pretty sure we dont have a future together. We had been together 2 1/2 years, and altho...

A.   20 December 2006: Oh you poor thing. I really emphasise with you. You must be feeling so wretched. i have gone through a similiar experience. Years ago i was going out with the most gorgeous man. He was the sort whose looks stop you in the street and i couldnt quite ... (read in full...)

I feel like he doesn't care, it's really upsetting me. I'm not sure he misses me at all.

Q.   I met my boyfriend in my first term at university and we spent every day together for the past 7 weeks before having just gone home for the holidays. However towards the end of the term I started feeling like he was taking me for granted... he ...

A.   20 December 2006: Hi anon, Im really sorry that you feel your bf doesnt miss you or care anymore. It does sound as if he's having a little me time but he really should talk with you and not ignore your texts. I would feel the same if it was me. I think that something ... (read in full...)

Why is it that men split with women and don't really give them a reason why?

Q.   Hi Cupids, Why is it that men split with women and don't really give them a reason why? I am 25. It doesn't happen to me often but it has done recently. I really liked a guy and he tried to avoid me for nearly a month then we did meet up he said ...

A.   20 December 2006: hi anon, well guys are a mystery thats for sure. They give out mixed signals a lot of the time so how are we supposed to know where we stand! I think that the reason men dont give much of an answer as to why they want to end it is becasue they find ... (read in full...)

How can I get him back without it being obvious?

Q.   A guy split up with me and was so rude. Is there any way I can get him back that is not too obvious?? Thank you....

A.   20 December 2006: Hi anon, well when you say get him back, i take it that you mean you want revenge and not that you want him back! If you want revenge then the best form is to let him see that you dont care about him and you're having fun without him. Any other form ... (read in full...)

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