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... Send *ostandalone a private message | | | *ostandalone's profile: I am a 32 year old male from the US and I have alot of general life experiences. What qualifies me to help other people is the fact that I am an observer of life. I am an avid reader and majoring in mathmatics and psycology doesn't hurt. I am currently single(going through a bad break-up). I just enjoy helping people and I am very open-minded. |
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I caught him cheating; will he always be a cheater?
Q. My bf and I have been together 3 years, but last year I learned that he had been unfaithful and although it hurt very much, I decided to stay with him and try and work through our problems. The last year has been hard but we have had good times and ...
A. 3 August 2006: Great advice immuno. I agree 100%. Just tell him how you feel without bringing up the past. You have to look forward to the future and not live in the past. I for one have made that mistake and try desperately to prove that it won't happen ... (read in full...)
Ladies: do you think you're more sympathetic to females who cheat?
Q. Why is it on this site that women tend to be so sympathetic to a woman who has cheated and are so very understanding but when it's a man who cheated you hear phrases like, "Once a cheater always a cheater" or "A leopard never changes his spots". Is ...
A. 3 August 2006: Well for those who believe "Once a cheater always a cheater" I am the living example that this is not true. I cheated on my fiance and I have never done this again and I know that pain that came with it and I know how I felt. I would never want to ... (read in full...)
Ladies: do you think you're more sympathetic to females who cheat?
Q. Why is it on this site that women tend to be so sympathetic to a woman who has cheated and are so very understanding but when it's a man who cheated you hear phrases like, "Once a cheater always a cheater" or "A leopard never changes his spots". Is ...
A. 2 August 2006: I thank you all for your responses and for the most part feel like ariel. People cheat for a number of reasons. It doesn't change the fact that it is cheating nevertheless. I pose this question because I am guilty of cheating and though I am ... (read in full...)
I am cheating to avoid my marriage problems
Q. I 've been married for 11 years and for the last three years it has felt like habit and no longer love.I love my husband but it is like i love my brother!! We dont have much in common(never really have) nad now our kids are growing up this is ...
A. 2 August 2006: I think having an affair is like drinking to solve a problem. When you get sober all you have is the same problem added with a hang-over. Right now you still have the same problem and your feelings for your lover is the hang-over. Communicate ... (read in full...)
Is he keeping me around just in case he wants me back or am I wasting my time being his friend still?
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago and he still wants to remain friends with me. His reason for breaking up with me is because he's not happy with his life and needs time to be alone to figure things out. Is he keeping me around just in case ...
A. 2 August 2006: You're wasting your time if you feel like you want more than friendship. If he wants to be alone then let him be. He can't have his cake and eat it too. Be friendly but not too friendly. Answer his call and talk cordially but he chose to be ... (read in full...)
I slept with my friends BF and now she is ruining my reputation!
Q. How would you handle this??? I had entirely too much to drink and slept with my friends boyfriend in her house and she walked in on it. They have been dating for a few weeks and I knew he had a little crush on me before they hooked up but I never ...
A. 1 August 2006: I hate to sound like the broken record around here but I wouldn't say everyone is right but I will say that you were wrong. Learn from this and be a better person.... (read in full...)
We broke up after 6 years, think I was to blame, now I think he wants to come back, what do we do ?
Q. PLEASE help! I seriously need some advice. I was with my bf for 6 years we really had our ups and downs. We met when we where pretty young, but we somehow managed to stay together, grow and love each other more. However, I have been through many thi...
A. 1 August 2006: When you love someone no one can ever replace that feeling in your heart. Sometimes seperation makes you appreciate something more. Its like seeing what you have taken for granted for so long and the littles things that you used to do before, ... (read in full...)
I cant settle with anyone since finishing with my ex, how can I find new love and move on ?
Q. hi please help!!! me and my ex have been finished for 6 months now...we were together for a year and abit...were both in realationships. but to be honest im not happy, ive been off and on with 4 guys after my ex. and i just cant fall for them, all i ...
A. 1 August 2006: I to have problems with being with other people after my ex and I split. No one ever seems to be good enough or does the things that she did the way that she did. Spend time with yourself and stop rushing out and finding boyfriends. You make ... (read in full...)
I work with my ex boyfriend, I ended as I didnt trust him, I think hes seeing someone else at work!!
Q. I work w my exboyfriend. We broke up a couple weeks ago because he was acting weird and I didn't trust him but work was fine. He swore he hadn't been with anyone new, I didn't really beleive it but I slept with him again the other day anyway. It was ...
A. 1 August 2006: Move on as you have broken up with him and if is sleeping with her than you have nothing to say about it. He can sleep with whomever he likes. You let him go so now you need to go and if you had someone of your own you wouldn't be concerned with ... (read in full...)
Too young to be in a committed relationship - I want to play the field
Q. I have been in a steady relationship for almost a year now, although I think I am too young! I am only seventeen and want to go out with my friends an have a good time. I really like another person and I know he likes me and I don't know what to do ...
A. 1 August 2006: I don't get it. You are too young to be in a relationship but you have your eye on someone else. FOR What??? Is it for a RELATIONSHIP??? I agree to be 17 and in a serious relationship is almost crazy. Get out and enjoy your youth but remember ... (read in full...)
I fall in love with rats!
Q. Hello All, I was wondering if I could get some advice from any men out there? I'm a single woman in early 30s, and I constantly seem to attract men who are lovely in the beginning, but then turn out to be complete rats. What's more, I fi...
A. 26 July 2006: Well Sam. I don't have the foggiest idea of what this guy is doing and what motivates him to continue. I can only guess at it. There can be a host of things that could be going on in his head. Thats something you have to discuss with him. You ... (read in full...)
She's still in contact with her ex and being all "secret" about it...
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 6 months and most of the time things have been great. However throughout our relationship her ex has been e-mailing and calling as has his mother. They live abroad and I they know nothing about me, he e-mails ...
A. 26 July 2006: No it isn't. Sorry so harsh but if she is lying about a simple e-mail or a phone call what else is she hiding? I say break it off and let her have time to get her head together and make a decision but for you don't sit around and wait for her. ... (read in full...)
I promised him I wouldn't cheat again, but I did anyway! Should I tell?
Q. So here's the thing. I met my boyfriend over a year ago at a time where I have just gotten out of my first relationship. I was devastated that things ended between me and what I thought was my first love. My current boyfriend helped me through ...
A. 26 July 2006: Once again I agree with Pete. There is nothing more I can add except, What if he did you this way? I really feel like he is a rebound guy that went too far. And Iris26 shame shame!!! It doesn't matter what he did in the 8 months he was gone, she ... (read in full...)
I told him I cheated, but hes still living with me but not talking to me felt for sure we would split up, not sure how what going on!??
Q. Right, here goes! I recently cheated on my boyfriend of 16 months, everything was perfect and we had just got back off a holiday together where we got on really well. I had to tell him what i had done, at first he didn't let it sink in, it was only ...
A. 26 July 2006: It seems to me that you want it to be over. I don't understand. Why don't you move out because you obviously don't care if he left you or not because you never expressed love for him or regret for your actions. Cheating is what it is as I ... (read in full...)
So hurt by my husband's philandering, that I can't show my love for him... so he cheated again!
Q. I'm married. My husband cheated three times that I know of. The first time left me with so much of wounds. Because of this I am not doing what I should like making love and showing love. That's why he cheated again. Now we are at a point that we ...
A. 25 July 2006: I think a time out is good in this case because you haven't given yourself ample time to heal fully. If you love him like you say you do and want to stick it out you need to sort out your feelings and try to make a fresh start. If not you will ... (read in full...)
Does my ex regret breaking up with me?
Q. Hi, My g/f broke up with me after 5 months and claimed that she wanted to be best friends with me, i bought her a ring a while ago and she said that i prefer chucky rings but because the ring design was different she said that she loves it because ...
A. 25 July 2006: She broke up with you so its up to her to approach you with her explanation for her antics and to say she regrets the break-up. She might be pride filled and she might be embarassed to say it. Either way she seems to regret it but if I were you I ... (read in full...)
Now that her fling is over she comes crawling back to me
Q. My ex girlfirend/fiancee of 8 years left me 5 months ago for another man. She lied about the other guy and I only found the truth out recently. I am almost over her, it has been very hard. She has now broken up with the man she left me for, he is ...
A. 25 July 2006: Well thats one thing we agree on WHAT A MESS! I don't know how to approach this but to say that if you have those type of feelings its best to leave her be. Even if you do take her back this will always linger as you have yet to fully recover so ... (read in full...)
My BF cheated on me with my friend! I'm angry and confused...
Q. I have always been against serious relationships because I always seem to get hurt. Well about a year and a half ago I was introduced to this boy and of course I didn't want a serious relationship and he did. We struggled for about 6 months a...
A. 24 July 2006: I think for the time being you should leave him alone and your "friend" is no longer your friend she is just someone you know. You need time to heal from all the lying and deceit and then the cheating. If your EX-boyfriend came back to you now ... (read in full...)
She wanted to go to the next level, I refused, and now she "hates" me
Q. Along time ago a close friend of mine started coming on to me and one night while talking to her she was really tryig to get me to get down with her. Knowing her past and all the guys she got with I played it off giving her the hit that I was cool ...
A. 24 July 2006: I agree. You took the high road and thats hard to do in this case. I applaud you for your effort in holding on to the friendship. Relationships come and go but a true friendship lasts forever. ... (read in full...)
If I feel bad about dumping my boyfriend, does it mean that I love him?
Q. I need advice from people that are actually married or know different girls who sometimes felt like they loved their boyfriends and sometimes didn't but then after awhile that feeling went away and they were in love and were happy because some girl ...
A. 24 July 2006: Yes you care for him but love can be defined in many different ways, this is just one of them. Its more sympathy than actual "being in love". Because you do care about him and don't want to hurt his feelings but if you feel like its the best thing ... (read in full...)
I had a bad experience and not sure if he did have sex with me, is there a way I can tell if im still a virgin ?
Q. About one year ago I was drinking and a guy made a move on me. Having no second thoughts at the time i went with it. One thing lead to another and he ended up stripping me and himself down and throwing me onto the bed. From there i know i told him i ...
A. 24 July 2006: I agree with chazx as you have been raped. I also agree that you are no longer a virgin and this is a very serious matter and should be addressed IMMEDIATLEY. Rape is hard to prove and it has been a while since but you have to get some kind of ... (read in full...)
Never thought I'd look at another guy but this married guy makes me feel sexy and alive! What should I do?
Q. I am a 32 year old women. I have been with my husband for 14 years, 7 years non married 7 years married. My problem is that I have recently met another guy who is also married. Nothing has happened between us yet except for a snog but it is quite ...
A. 24 July 2006: The grass is not always greener on the other side. For GOD's sake your human and you will notice other people and find other people attractive. Carnal Instinct. This man has proven himself and continues to do so. You are making a big mistake and ... (read in full...)
Do straight me like to watch gay porn ?
Q. Do straight men watch gay porn?. What if it was more than curiosity and he was aroused by it. I've put it down to him exploring his sexuality. Am I being naive? ...
A. 24 July 2006: Well I must be part of the abnormal world of heterosexaulity because I have never wanted to watch gay porn and have never been curious about being gay. The thought actually repulses me!!! I mean if thats what you're into then have at it. For my ... (read in full...)
Im so sorry I cheated and feel awful, but he didt show me the love I wanted, what should I do ?
Q. In a bit od a situation nere and i feel awful for it, i can't stop crying, thing is i have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now, we were good at the start and for the past about 8 months he has no urge to have sex with me, this on ...
A. 23 July 2006: This thing baffles me. I may be harsh about it but it really is confussing how women on this site are so sympathetic to other women who have cheated and bash men who cheat in the same regard. Totally wrong. Its like saying men cheat and they ... (read in full...)
In love with my bestfriends boyfriend and I'm married.
Q. I am in love with my best friend's boyfriend. I am 24 years old and married and I am deeply in love with my best friend's boyfriend. They have been together for a little over a year, and we have had a sexual relationship, for just about as long. Be...
A. 21 July 2006: First of all Martini WELL DONE OLD CHAP!!! I agree 100% with Martini. For God's sake why would you do this and then to feel no guilt whatsoever!!! I can't even begin to feel sympathy for you and I know Martini can be harsh but in this case I am ... (read in full...)
Im totally devoted to him, but he keeps accusing me of cheating and its driving a wedge!!
Q. Hello, I guess I need some help for my situation. First of all, I'd like to talk about myself, so you can understand who I am. I'm twenty years old, and I'm a woman with simple dreams. What I mean by this is, I love being devoted, and I would love ...
A. 21 July 2006: The problems that you have could be a host of different things:
1) He could have been jaded and feels alot of insecurity.
2) He could actually be the one cheating. (Most times people who distrust without jest cause are the ones actually un... (read in full...)
We stopped having sex, then I found him with another woman, I dont care he cheated just want to feel wanted!
Q. Dear Cupid I have been with my fiance for almost 4 years. He is 30 and I am 27. In the beginning our relationship was great but then we hit a couple of ruff pathes financially and it took a lot out of us. He stopped having sex with me but I though...
A. 21 July 2006: Most times like this I would defend the man and say that anyone can change but he hasn't reformed from the last time he cheated. You should have made him suffer to let him know what he was losing. I don't agree fully with Charmedone as it is ... (read in full...)
Why cant I forget that he slept with his ex behind my back ?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and he has now moved in with me. Although i love him very much, and he is mostly with me.I stress all the time when he goes round to see his kids. They have 2 children 16 and 19,so he sees his ex wife a fair ...
A. 21 July 2006: I know the regulars on this site are probably tired of hearing my sob story of me cheating on my ex. The thing is Malyce Synn is absolutely correct. You have to want to build that trust up again. I know it hurts like hell but if he wanted her ... (read in full...)
Still hung on the ex bf-what should I do about this?
Q. ok so me and my bf have been together for a few months and things have been really rocky, this is due to me though. I split with my ex bf about 3 and half months ago we were together for about 8 months and i was so happy with him, and now i am so mi...
A. 21 July 2006: If he's not what you want then why prolong this whole thing. Have you tried to make-up with your ex? Maybe you moved too fast in seeing someone else not giving yourself time to grieve. Either way its not fair to the other guy for you go be with ... (read in full...)
Does he only want me around when it suits him?
Q. After a long distance relationship we are now engaged, still long distance though. I still feel like he puts his friends, and own life before me. He makes the effort to spend weekends with friends but rarely can get weekends for us. When I mention ...
A. 21 July 2006: Possibly. I would back-off for awhile and let him miss me. People don't miss their water until their well runs dry. Spend more time with your friends and do other things. He will wonder why you backed off and began to ask questions when all your ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend cheating? Tell me what you think..
Q. is my boyfriend cheating? i have been with my boyf for 2months have known each other for 7 months and i realli like him but lately im getting very suspicious of him he as always got his mobile on silent and reads messages so i cant see what th...
A. 21 July 2006: I agree it sounds fishy. I would be upfront about it. You can't go on thinking this. Do you have insecurity problems or was once in a relationship were someone cheated on you. The things that he is doing are signs of cheating I agree but they ... (read in full...)
Whose child is this? My husband's on the 'one night stand' guy?
Q. I have never been one to do something so terrible as cheat on the one I love, until a few months ago. I play it back what should have happened, why it didn't, what to do now. My husband and I have been together for X amount of years and have an X ...
A. 21 July 2006: Tha is a very very sticky situation and I can tell you now on this site people don't take to kindly to cheaters. I in turn am the exception for I was once in your shoes. The guilt will eat you alive. You have betrayed trust and that is the ... (read in full...)
Advice from those people having affairs please.
Q. hello..a question to those of you having affairs(come on you know you're out there)i have begun an affair but have no intention of leaving my husband for my lover and neither does my lover want or expect me to. we are both happy about this decision ...
A. 20 July 2006: Personally, I don't condone cheating because I cheated on my fiance. The difference is I felt like crap and still do to think what I did. I won't bash you like everyone here seems to have done but I will say this. Imagine if the shoe was on the ... (read in full...)
She broke up with me but wants me back... I'm not sure what to do! Any advice welcome
Q. hi i've been going out with a girl for a year.she lives in my home town but we started going out while i was at university.i came home every weekend as she had to work and i couldnt live without her. holidays were realy good but term time wa...
A. 20 July 2006: I applaud you for you wisdom at such a young age. You have made leaps and bounds that people twice your age haven't been able to accomplish. The thing is that you protect yourself amongst all things. Your feelings are validated in the fact that ... (read in full...)
Scared that shes hanging out with the ex and will get back with him, as we have only dated a short time!
Q. alright, so seeing a girl for about 3 weeks now, and moving along quite fast. so she says she cant hang out this week because she is with her best friend on monday (which i promote, never give up friends) and again with another friend on tuesda...
A. 19 July 2006: You have something to worry about and you are right exes do win over the new guy. I would tell her straight out how I feel about this whole situation. What do you have to lose but her and if you let this continue without any recourse you will ... (read in full...)
Keen on my friend. Should I say so?
Q. I'm starting to fancy a friend, but I don't know what to do. I don't want to ruin a friendship but at the same time I don't want to let the oppertunity disappear. What do you think? What should I say/do?...
A. 18 July 2006: This is tricky. I would personally say something. I mean you can't walk around feeling like this. How good a friend could you actually be when someone else is with him and they are around you. That jealuos bug will bite you. Even if it ... (read in full...)
Can u get pregnant with anal sex?
Q. Can u gt pregnant or catch sti from havin unprotected anal sex? if u can which ones? are they treatable? Plz help......
A. 18 July 2006: You can't get pregant but you definitely get an STD. I mean how do you think gay men get them. STD's contracted during anal sex are treated the same way if it was regular intercourse. These are things you should know before you start this type ... (read in full...)
My sister and I like the same guy! Help!
Q. is it wrong for me to get into a relationship with a guy that once dated my sister? i mean it was not serious between them and i actually dated him first. i really like this guy a lot we do everything together, i just don't want out relationship to ...
A. 18 July 2006: Personally, I think the whole thing is foul. What is wrong with him? Its like he's working the whole family. I think its wrong for you and your sister to jepordize your relationship for a man who obviously doesn't care about the damage he is ... (read in full...)
My Jamaican is involved with someone else. Could that be why I'm seeing such a change in the way he treats me?
Q. I am in love with a man of Jamaican descent. He and I began as friends because we are both into some of the same things. I knew all along that there was a physical attraction almost immediately. I also knew that he was involved already and for ...
A. 17 July 2006: I don't understand is he still with his girlfriend or not? If so then you are probably just the flavor of the month or the year. If wants to change up from his girlfriend then he calls you and hangs out with you. If he is not then he has ... (read in full...)
It is just not right the way I treat but I want her back
Q. Hi, I have a problem and need a solution quickly, my girlfriend of about 1year eight months has dumped and I want her back. problem lies with me, shes very disapponted in me, the way I treat her is just not right and shes been hearing a lot now ...
A. 17 July 2006: Tell her. I mean I would love to give you some advice but what you are saying is just a little vague. You need to give more info for better advice.... (read in full...)
I don't want to wait years for my friend to get over his ex, but if he'd ask me to be his girlfriend, that'd be fine!
Q. Where to start? Been friends with this guy since the beginning of the year. We ended up kissing recently, but thankfully he put a stop to it because he was still confused over his feelings for his ex. We had a talk a few days later and I told him ...
A. 12 July 2006: You should go out and date if not for yourself for him. He has to come to a conclusion about you. He can't stop you from having potential mates. If you show him that you are living fine without him and he has a social life without him he'll have ... (read in full...)
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