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... Send *ostandalone a private message | | | *ostandalone's profile: I am a 32 year old male from the US and I have alot of general life experiences. What qualifies me to help other people is the fact that I am an observer of life. I am an avid reader and majoring in mathmatics and psycology doesn't hurt. I am currently single(going through a bad break-up). I just enjoy helping people and I am very open-minded. |
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Me and my ex boyfriend's best mate have decided to become f***-buddies... How might my ex react?
Q. I have recently split up with my boyfriend for the 4th time in the last 7 months. this time it is well and truly over cos ive realised i am woth more than that! Last sat night i went to a mutual friends house because he needed someone to talk ...
A. 15 June 2006: No he shouldnt be mad but you two obviously aren't finished with eachother if you stay in eachother's personal business seeing who can hurt who the most and the fastest. this whole thing is childish and you both need to grow the hell up and ... (read in full...)
I can't desert my children to keep my girlfriend happy
Q. Hello, I am in need of your advice in trying to address a problem I have. I live in England, I am a 45 year old man, divorced for 4 years, with 2 children: a boy of 7 and a girl of 13. I live on my own, and see my children every other weekend,...
A. 14 June 2006: I think by bailing out you are doing the right thing. First of all, if she loves you she has to love and except every part of you and that means your children. If she cared she wouldn't make you choose between her and your children. I mean be ... (read in full...)
I don't think it's fair that my boyfriend listens to his ex's opinion!
Q. I am a 23 year old female and I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. We have a 1 year old son together. He also has 2 children with his someone else. I know he cheated with this person he has these other children with in ...
A. 14 June 2006: I'm sorry but your boyfriend needs to have a little more backbone when it comes to this other woman. He is putting her feelings ahead of yours in this case and its not right. She will always have issues with you and his relationship until she ... (read in full...)
How can I get my ex-fiance back?
Q. How can I get my ex-fiance back? She said she still loves me but we haven't got back together yet. ...
A. 14 June 2006: Its no guarantees that you will get back together even more so now that you are moving so far away. I'm sure you love her and she loves you but experience new things and new people. You are still young. Time will tell because love never dies. ... (read in full...)
I don't want to have sex with him in case something bad happens....what can I do?
Q. I have a slight dilemma. I have been going around to my best friends house almost every day for the past year now. (he is 22, i am 17). One day, about 5 months ago, he kissed me. I shall not go into further detail, however it has escalated to a ...
A. 13 June 2006: You have to know that you see him as your best friend and he sees you as sex. If he is your best friend thats what he is. The moment you kissed him that changed and certainly after you had sex. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you but he is not ... (read in full...)
He is sweet and very courteous, always compliments me, does this mean that he likes me ?
Q. I like this guy, he's sweet, courteous and likes me too. well i think he does. he told me i was beautiful, and when we were talking about fun i said i didnt have much of it, he said well u need a boyfriend, i said im looking. would that have went ...
A. 12 June 2006: Possibly he's interested. I know me being a guy, I love women and I love to see a woman smile and feel good about herself. I would compliment her and make her feel like she is the most beautiful woman in the world. This is not always because I ... (read in full...)
We had a chat about our feelings, now she needs space ? Is this now over for us ?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for the past 5 years. We lived apart for the first 1, together for 3 and have been long distance for the last one. We are (or were) supposed to move to Boston in a weeks, but last week we got on the ...
A. 12 June 2006: I think you should give her the space that she asks for. If you love a person you do whats best to make them happy even if being happy isn't with you. Don't be selfish. Are you thinking about the best thing for her or are you thinking about the ... (read in full...)
Im not as attractive as all my friends or as clever, how can I become more like them for acceptance ?
Q. My friends are amazing fun, and I love them all to pieces. However they always look better than me, wear better clothes, have nicer hair, and generally have a better appearance than I do. Also I'm really dense and say stupid things because I don't ...
A. 12 June 2006: Confidence confidence confidence. You have friends therefore you bring something to the table. These people don't care about what you wear or what you say as dippy as you think it is. They look past those things and into your heart. As long as ... (read in full...)
My ex won't leave me alone... I just want to get away from his threats and comments!
Q. I'd like to start off saying I'm not a liar, but I was in a relationship that involved a lot of lying from both me and the other person. I raised hell when I found out that he lied to me and vowed revenge, which I acheived. Not long ago though, ...
A. 11 June 2006: I feel as if you should talk because the things you hold him at fault for are the things that you have done and more. Think of how you felt when he did what he did now is what he's doing similar to what you did. You want to throw a rock and hide ... (read in full...)
We broke up and are back to being mates, but I want more!
Q. Me and my ex are close and have been fighting a bit lately, as we have only just broke up really. But we are now back to mates. I really want more. I know he likes me still but should I stay mates for a while and see what happens or tell him how ...
A. 9 June 2006: Give it time don't rush it. If you are still friends then you are the closest thing to him because you know him on a more intimate level than others. If you pressure him on a relationship that he is not ready for than you could lose him as a ... (read in full...)
Is it just a rebound thing, or should I take a chance with my friend?
Q. Two weeks ago my boyfriend of two years dumped me. Although I still think I love him, I'm just not sure any more. A week ago I met up with an acquaintance who I've known for about a year. However since we met up I've started having strong feelings...
A. 9 June 2006: Definitely a rebound. Its seems as if you are looking for a quick fix to fill that void in your life left empty by your ex. Don't rush it. Take time for yourself and be single for a while. You are not going to keel over if someone is not in ... (read in full...)
She wants a break, but I'm scared this will be the end...what can I do?
Q. i love my girlfriend more than i love life and now she has asked for a relationship break, i fear this is the end of us, and its killing me, i know for certain i cant live without her, how do i convince her to return to me and at the same time ...
A. 9 June 2006: Give her the break that she asks for. If you love her like you say you do then you would want to see her happy. If this makes her happy then you must give her that. Love is give and take and I think that dealing with her issues is her way of ... (read in full...)
Afraid my boyfriend will break my heart
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 1/2 years, and we broke up about a month ago, and got back together after a couple of weeks of being apart (both of our choices). I was confused why he did it, but then I started to understand that he wasn't sure ...
A. 8 June 2006: Take a break. Get away from the whole situation for awhile. Let him see where he wants to be and you go do some exploring of your own. I am in the exact situation, I mean almost exactly. I just gave her the space that she needs and just talk ... (read in full...)
Should I have gotten back to my ex when she rang me?
Q. Hey guys, status update, here's my last couple of questions for a quick background: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-ex-got-bitchy-by-text-when-i.html http://www.dearcupid.org/quest...
A. 7 June 2006: Its about you. If you didn't feel comfortable answering the phone than thats fine. You have to do what you think is best for you in this case. Until you feel good enough to answer the phone then do so until then just keep living. The only ... (read in full...)
They say they lie to protect you....why?
Q. What does it mean when a loved one says that they lied to you protect you? In situation does this really show any real sign of caring?...
A. 5 June 2006: In their mind yes. Some people feel that the truth could be to much for you to handle. Its not totally a bad method but in the end it does more harm than good. They feel like for some reason they have to protect for some reason. In some cases ... (read in full...)
He treats me badly, then sweet talks me back into his life, only to abandon me again!
Q. I really like this guy who I was with for well over a year, but he treated me really bad with the things he said and did, like he has no respect for me. He is my first so I love he so much and when I know he's treating me badly I leave him, but he ...
A. 5 June 2006: Stay away for awhile and get yourself together. Don't keep playing this cat and mouse game with him, because you are only hurting yourself. He has to realize and I mean really realize what it is that he is losing and you haven't made him feel ... (read in full...)
Pressure to have sex, but I'm not comfortable with it!
Q. My boyfriend wants me to have sex with him. I've done it before but I don't feel comfortable with him. What should I do?...
A. 5 June 2006: Then don't do it. Sex is supposed be enjoyable and beautiful. If you don't feel comfortable then don't do it. Why cheat yourself in the process of making him happy? Be true to yourself. There has got to be a reason that you feel this way and ... (read in full...)
Been together over 5 years..sex is down to 1-2 times per week. What's going on?
Q. my girlfiend and i have been in a steady relationship for 5 years. Over the past year and half, she wants sex less and less. On average when we first got together, we had sex 1-2 times aday. now, we are lucky to have sex 1-2 times a week. I suspect ...
A. 5 June 2006: I wouldn't jump to conclusions like that just because of that. It could be a number of things. Communication is the key and you have to sit down and tell her how you feel and see if you all can get it worked out. 5 years is a long time in a ... (read in full...)
Me and my ex boyfriend's best mate have decided to become f***-buddies... How might my ex react?
Q. I have recently split up with my boyfriend for the 4th time in the last 7 months. this time it is well and truly over cos ive realised i am woth more than that! Last sat night i went to a mutual friends house because he needed someone to talk ...
A. 5 June 2006: I think he does have a reason to be mad, I know I would. Thats his friend and for the most part the way me and my friends do it, you are off limits. There is no way this will sit well with your ex. Out of all the women in the world he would ... (read in full...)
He was sleeping with his roomate behind my back but I still love him!
Q. I am really having a hard time lately. My boyfriend of one year and 2 months and I were going to move in together. right before moving in he told me he didn't think he loved me anymore. After some snooping and living together for the first week, i ...
A. 5 June 2006: Walk away. You haven't let him know what it feels like to be without you. Cut all contact and let him go. You're getting strung along and its not healthy for you. He is having his cake and eating lots of it. You will only hurt yourself in the ... (read in full...)
A question for the guys, why does he get so jeolous?
Q. hey i just wanna know what the guys think. ok i have a bf for almost 10 months and things do seem to be pretty ok but one thing is his jealousy. i have a guy friend ive known for almost 4 years now and we were startin to think we should do a ...
A. 5 June 2006: Its just insecurity. I mean take it like this he can support you or leave you. Those aren't things that you should have to deal with. Whether he knows it he is making you get closer to your friend because he isn't giving you all that you need ... (read in full...)
My step-sister is blackmailing me for money and sex
Q. I am a 12 year old boy from the uk and my problem is that my 14 year old stepsister caught me smoking cannabis 3 months ago and ever since then she has been blackmailing me by threating to tell my mum at first she was only demanding money but since ...
A. 5 June 2006: Just confess to your mom. Honesty is always the best policy. Go ahead and get it out of the way and take your punishment. I mean what could be worse being made to have sex or getting a whipping or grounded. When you tell, tell the whole story ... (read in full...)
How can I tell if, he is just be a rebound?
Q. I was just wondering if you guys think I'm on the rebound. I think I might be as I broke up with my b/f a few months back and still miss him and think about him A LOT. But this new guy has been messaging me, we have been out on one date and tonight ...
A. 5 June 2006: I say go for it but go slowly because you don't know. Be careful because you don't want to hurt this guy and you still have feelings for your ex. I say do it just take it slow. Good Luck.... (read in full...)
Update on my problem: more advice wanted! Is this over?
Q. I wrote the following question a week ago and I desperately need more advice!! The update is, I didn't go and talk to him although people that gave me advice from this said that I should; my friends told me I shouldn't. He still hadn't called me...
A. 5 June 2006: Maybe he has feelings and it is too much to talk to you. People can always say casual sex but sex is not casual. You were friends after you started having sex and spending the weekend with eachother you were in a relationship whether you want to ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to tell him I'm scared about getting pregnant, what should I do?
Q. i'm 15yrs old and my boyfriend is 23 he's already got a daughter, and i've been pregnant before but miscarried. when we have sex he doesn't use condoms and i don't want to get pregnant again, he says he wants me to have his kids but only when i'm ...
A. 5 June 2006: I apologize for my first response but not only tell him you're not ready tell him you are too young for this type of relationship and pressure. If you keep having sex with him then for the love of GOD use condoms and get on birth control. I ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to tell him I'm scared about getting pregnant, what should I do?
Q. i'm 15yrs old and my boyfriend is 23 he's already got a daughter, and i've been pregnant before but miscarried. when we have sex he doesn't use condoms and i don't want to get pregnant again, he says he wants me to have his kids but only when i'm ...
A. 5 June 2006: Call the police. I'm sorry that was my first reaction. First of all you are to young to be having sex, secondly why are you dating a man who is 23 with a child. I know you like him and all but thats just not right. Thats statutory rape. What ... (read in full...)
I think I have caught my BF cheating.
Q. dear cupid, i really am very down at the minute. while i was pregnant i found a photograph of a mystery girl in my boyfriends wallet, on the back of the pic it said i hope you like it keep it with you claudia!! i thought this was very disrespectful. ...
A. 5 June 2006: Believe your own eyes. No matter how much it hurts suck up your emotions and prepare for the worst. This woman is not just gonna make this up she didn't know it was you. Your bf has obviously had extensive contact with her and plans on meeting ... (read in full...)
I have spoken to her in 2 weeks and it's killing me. I want her back!
Q. Ok, here's the situation. So I havn't talked to my ex for just over two weeks. It's killing me! Seriously though, I'm going to continue to keep this up, but I was just wondering how long it takes to start feeling better. Maybe it's because I'm ...
A. 4 June 2006: You're right it is. You will always have those memories and thats what they are MEMORIES. I don't know what caused the break-up or what went on between you two but it does go away eventually it just takes time. And yes, being at home alone ... (read in full...)
Her past is threatening our future
Q. I am destroying our marriage. We are not long married and probably should have waited. My wife did not tell me everthing about her past until after we had fallen in love and i has asked her to marry me, I should have realised I could not handle it b...
A. 4 June 2006: I think that your past affects your future. You make mistakes and do things you wish you could take back. This thing with your wife is her past and is long gone. Yes what she did was lack-luster but she is human. Are you flawless? You can't ... (read in full...)
Can we rekindle our love?
Q. my fiancee and i have been together for two years until last week said out of the blue that he doesn't want to be with me and he loves me but isn't in love with me and feels he is too young to be in a serious relationship. im still in love with him ...
A. 4 June 2006: This could mean a number of things. Personally, I would let him do his own thing for awhile. You go out and do yours. I think he is just scared of the whole commitment thing, which is fine most men are. Pick yourself up and get out and do ... (read in full...)
I still love my ex
Q. Boy am I messed up...and would appreciate some advice! On the 1st of May, me and my girlfriend of 5 1/2yrs (i'm 25 and she's 22) made a decision to split up - we both agreed 'something was missing' from our relationship...we weren't unhappy - but ...
A. 4 June 2006: I am with you on this. I am going through it also. Time man time. She obviously still loves you. Like anon said you have to give her that space that she asks for. It hurts like hell but trust me its worth it. Your task now is to focus on you. ... (read in full...)
I used to be a cheater, but now I have changed, I dont think My girlfriend believes me, how do I prove to her that I wont cheat!?
Q. Im not sure how to convince my girlfriend i will not cheat on her, she says that she knows that i wont but i really dont think she means this, the reason for this is because i have had 2 serious relationships in the past and both i have cheated. I ...
A. 2 June 2006: Cheater huh? Well join the club. I lost my girl that way and am now in the same boat. I'm trying to convince her I won't do it again. If this thing has taught you anything it should have been patience. Things like this don't come over night. ... (read in full...)
He cheated, he dumped me but I want him back
Q. Hi I was in a 3 and a half year relationship that just ended. He broke up with me saying that he wasn't happy anymore. I later found out that he had been talking to his ex-girlfriend who had cheated on him. I confronted him about this and he s...
A. 2 June 2006: I say there is hope but keep in mind he obviously has feelings for his ex. To be honest, his honesty is giving him the chance to have his cake and eat it to. Instead of just sitting around and waiting to see if he chooses you go out and do your ... (read in full...)
All I did was answer her question honestly, now shes hardly talking to me! what have I done wrong?
Q. Hi, this is my first time doing this, im also using my wifes account!! im really confused, the other day my wife asked me if i fancied any one and i didnt think i did, but after thinking about it all night i realised i do fancy atleast 10 people, i ...
A. 2 June 2006: Man are you insane. You never tell a woman you fancy another woman. I would have answered this way, "What? I didn't know GOD made anything more beautiful than you." "and if he did I'm sure he kept it for himself." Sometimes the truth isn't ALWAYS ... (read in full...)
Can people really change ? Is it worth the risk giving him a second chance ?
Q. Do you believe in second chances...? I was with my boyfriend who I loved very much for about a year and half...I found out by chance that he'd slept with someone behind my back. Whilst finding this out it also came to light that he'd been contac...
A. 2 June 2006: I get tired of singing this same song but there is actually good advice in here. I feel like if you cant forgive someone than why should anyone forgive you, because you are not mistake free. The thing is can you live with that. I agree with ... (read in full...)
I broke up with my GF 2 weeks ago, shes now playing mind games! What gives ?
Q. Two weeks ago my GF and I broke it off. We been together for a 1.5 years. And I pushed her away at the end of our relationship because she had no time for me, only coming out to see me if she had something she had to do around my area, like dance ...
A. 1 June 2006: Dude you are so NOT in control. Just don't be available. Answering her call and giving her the oppurtunity to make you feel like this is insane. Cut the strings and move on. Your little talk at her dance practice will only boost her ego even ... (read in full...)
I want to see someone else, but how do I break up with my man of 4 years without breaking his heart!
Q. how do you break up with ur boyfriend of 4 yrs???? i like someone else, although i love him, i cant help feeling guilty over liking someone else. i dont want to break his heart he's like my soul mate and we all have the same group of friends. how do ...
A. 1 June 2006: If you think he is your soul mate why risk it? The grass is not always greener on the other side. Plus, if it doesn't work out with the other guy what then? You said you have the same group of friends and you run in the same circle. You will ... (read in full...)
Why does he talk for ages at night with me, but during the day cuts me short! Is there another girl ?
Q. My boyfriend is always cutting me short on the phone during the day, but we talk for hours at night. What does this mean? Is there another girl?...
A. 1 June 2006: In this case I don't know but I can say that when I was cheating on my girl I used to call her just to get her out of the way. That means I would call and get a quick rundown of her day and mine just to let her know I was thinking about her. ... (read in full...)
i love him but i want someone else
Q. hi, i think i want to break up with my boyfriend,gary, but i just dont know how or when? we have been together for 3 1/2 yrs. we split breifly after two years as we both agreed it wasn't working,we were constantly arguing and sex was virtually non ...
A. 31 May 2006: You never worked out your previous issues with "Gary" and you fell back into the same rut. My only question is why do you go after guys that he knows or knows him. Personally, that would totally turn me off because who wants to be with a woman ... (read in full...)
We've been married for 3 years, living together for 13, hes cheated since we got married, and is still in contact, how can I make him give her up ?
Q. my husband of 3 years, living together for 13 years has had an affair since we got married. Now he says that he wants me and loves me but can't get his lover out of his head and don't know what to do. he promises me every week that he won't text her ...
A. 31 May 2006: I also think you should leave him. If he loves you like he says he does and wants to make it work than losing you will hurt him more than anything. Thats when you will see the real change. If you keep doing the same things you will keep getting ... (read in full...)
I cheated by mistake with my Ex, now my man cant forgive me, please help!
Q. Hello all, I ruined my life the other day by cheating on my boyfriend of 2 years. Ive never done anything like it before. Not that this is an excuse but I didnt consciously choose to cheat. I slept at my exes and woke up to him having sex with me....
A. 31 May 2006: I agree with Camille. I was once the cheater and I was also miserable. Like she said ask for forgiveness let him know that you love him and give him space and time. Thats basically all you can do at this point. If you choose to make it work with ... (read in full...)
Will he lose respect for me if we go to a f***-buddy type relationship from just friends?
Q. hi im curious if there are any guys to give me some perspective. im contemplating a strictly sex/friend relationship with a friend of mine who has wanted to for some time now. i have no worries about it, i know about the attachement problems and i ...
A. 30 May 2006: Quick and easy. No!!! Once you have sex with someone I don't care how much you try someone's feelings will get involved. Therefore, you can't be friends once you have had sex. People seem to take this act so lightly and its not. When you have sex ... (read in full...)
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