How to reframe my mind for healthy dating after toxic past
Q. So if you see my previous posts I was in what I now consider a toxic relationship for almost 2 years. I will spare the details but I essentially felt used, discarded, and led-on by my ex-boyfriend who I considered to be a pretty nice guy. I'm not ...
A. 24 December 2023: Ok i know you have some bad experiences with regards to dating, and you feel you are surrounded by negative relationships.
I am a great believer that time is the healer of all things, and its so important to refrain from dating and get yourself... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's admission of cheating has left me uncertain
Q. Hello My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship about a year. He just admitted because of my work schedule he cheated once with an older woman he met online. He was very casual about it when telling me. I suspected something was up...
A. 24 December 2023: I can't stress enough how important trust is in a relationship. In fact its the biggest contributing factor that make a relationship work. Without trust a relationship is often doomed.
He knew exactly what he was doing, he new full well what job... (read in full...)
Husband wants to argue about everything
Q. Hi! My husband's moods have gotten alot worse. He's very irritable. Always angry and causing arguments with me, over the smallest issues. I believe he has low testosterone and he refuses to go to a doctor to check what is going on. It's har...
A. 18 December 2023: I really appreciate how difficult this must be for you, and it must be very stressful living under these conditions.
I feel in these situations communication is the key here, i think you need to sit down and have a chat and find out what is going... (read in full...)
I am interested in him but is a married coworker also interested in him?
Q. They are supposedly 'just friends' but I have possibly noticed a few things but will focus on asking about one. Whenever I am at work and dressed really nice, looking pretty or what some would consider 'sexy' she goes out of her office to talk and ...
A. 13 December 2023: Firstly i am going to say its never a good idea to date co-workers as things can get very messy when/if things never worked out.
I think you are thinking to much about this situation between him and this other colleague. For starters she is marri... (read in full...)
What should I do about the feelings I have towards a coworker?
Q. I(28M) work in a small organisation with a handful of people in the team. I'm the most senior person in the group and we all report to the owner of the organisation. About half a year back a girl joined our organisation. She is a very polite and ...
A. 13 December 2023: I think its very grown up and mature of you to recognise that dating someone you work so close with is not a good idea. This would of been precisely my advice to you. Its all well and good dating a co-worker when things are going well, but if things ... (read in full...)
Do I need to be more ambitious in life?
Q. I’ve been at my current workplace for almost 18 years. Im 40. I’ve had a couple of promotions (nothing fancy) and I get to work on different projects which varies and to be honest I admit I’m settled and happy and have no desire to find ...
A. 29 November 2023: First of all it does not matter what they think, if they see you as boring then so be it.
By your own admission you say that you are happy and settled and have no desire to find another job. You are happy there so why would you leave.
I actua... (read in full...)
The guy I'm dating is too clingy
Q. I've been dating a guy for the last few months, we've had sex and he was a virgin. I have a history of sexual abuse which I have told him about and told him sometimes I need a bit of space around sex or I feel pushed and suffocated. He said he ...
A. 29 November 2023: No this is not normal, and he should respect your boundries and learn that No means No.
Your decision to stop seeing him is a wise choice, you need someone who will show you respect and not keep invading your space when you have said no.
Fini... (read in full...)
My dance partner has been behaving strangely with me
Q. I have a friend who is also my dance partner and we have been dancing together for a year. We're extremely close, and most people tend to think we're in a relationship and we keep having to tell them we're not. He is married and he has a daughte...
A. 29 November 2023: Yes I think that you are doing the right thing by distancing yourself. He is wrong to be flirting with you and sending you the texts he does.
He has crossed the boundries of professionalism so things are always going to feel rather awkward ... (read in full...)
Ex contacted me to wish me a Happy Birthday
Q. So about 2 months ago I came here and asked a question regarding about going to therapy about a girl I was romantically involved with leaving me. I come back ask the situation with her has changed entirely that I've had what can only describe as an ...
A. 29 November 2023: I think that there are just to many complications with her, you tried with her but it never worked so time to move on.
I don't know why she text happy birthday, but I would accept that its never going to work with her and move on. You have bee... (read in full...)
FWB not working out and I want more
Q. I stopped sleeping with FWB recently because he insulted me. He said I wanted more and was into drama because I questioned him about a woman that was in his vehicle (ex wife) because they had to take care of a bank issue. Not questioning WHY she was ...
A. 18 October 2023: In all honesty in my opinion if someone is just a FWB you are not really in a place to question what they are doing or who they are with.
By your own admission you said you knew who he was with and what he was doing, so why did you feel the need... (read in full...)
Whirlwind vacationship gone wrong
Q. Thank you all for reading my story: I am 35 years old, and on a recent trip to the Pacific, I met a man 10 years older and we fell in love. After a brief week together, we parted ways, only to reunite in Thailand weeks later to see where things...
A. 17 October 2023: Well I think that you have given a relationship with him a fair shot and unfortunately it has not worked. I feel if you try again I fail to see how things would improve.
I think that you should save yourself future upset and heartache and call... (read in full...)
Why do FWB get so possessive?
Q. Why do fwb get so possessive? I really never had a good experience, that's why I want to give up on it. Even pleasant conversation and flirting and cuddling goes away as soon as the sex starts. I've had several year long friendships go away as soon ...
A. 17 October 2023: Life is a learning curve, you are only young so just put these previous encounters down to experience.
We have all had bad experiences and relationships that we would rather forget, but each one of these experiences there is a lesson to be learn... (read in full...)
I don't want to be pushed into sex. How do I express I want it to come naturally?
Q. Hello, I was chatting with someone online for about 5 years. He finally moved to my country. I have seen him several times since he moved here. We get along well, he seems very serious. He reminds me he moved here for me. We haven't had s...
A. 16 October 2023: I would be very cautious over this situation because I sense a red flag.
You were chatting for five years, so you had not actually met. Him saying he came here for you and is now pressuring you into something your not ready to do.
This is... (read in full...)
Why send me the photos
Q. Meet a guy for sex every blue moon. Last time was over a month ago. I think he said, Thanks for letting me use you for sex or I use you for sex. I replied, and me with you too. He sent me a photo of himself ages a go of himself having a drink. H...
A. 27 September 2023: Its difficult to say why he sends them, it is an odd thing to do for sure.
At the end of the day he is just someone you meet for casual sex once in a blue moon, which i'm guessing you are happy to do, and assuming your not looking for anything... (read in full...)
Colleague ruined spa day. Do I inform management of her behavior?
Q. My workplace paid for myself and a colleague to a spa day last week as we were the top 2 in our team with the highest sales records. Often they treat staff members who have hit target with things like this and this was both our first time. ...
A. 26 September 2023: To be perfectly honest i would not mention it when you go back and your manager asks how it went, as you say it could go against you and look bad for the workplace.
Where ever you go in life you are always going to come across a Debbie Downer o... (read in full...)
I am missing my partner after our breakup
Q. I have recently left my partner, who I didn’t want to leave but the relationship was toxic. He blamed me for everything that was wrong, said I didn’t communicate with him. I did, but he didn’t want to listen or compromise on anything. We were ...
A. 25 September 2023: You should not regret your decision because you 100% did the right thing.
the relationship was toxic and coming with that a myriad of red flags, you were right to do what you did.
You just need to give yourself time, the feelings you are... (read in full...)
Embarrassed him at the airport & things haven’t been the same since.
Q. I’ve made a complete fool of myself and not sure how to fix it…. Please don’t tell me it’s my fault as I know it is and I’m not looking for sympathy. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years- we don’t live together (we both rent our own pro...
A. 24 September 2023: I actually agree with your friends and family, i think he is being too sensitive and unappreciative.
You both had not seen each other in a long time, i just think that a couple in love who have not seen each other in months the reaction at the a... (read in full...)
Followup to post produce
Q. This is a follow up to my post on the 29th August “ Are we being harsh by no longer giving neighbors fresh produce as they seem to take advantage?” I wanted to thank everyone for backing us up and making us realize we weren’t being harsh for ...
A. 22 September 2023: Well done you, you did the right thing.
Lol, I agree, what a cheeky cow. ... (read in full...)
Accused of bragging about my 2nd property at work
Q. My husband and i recently bought a 2nd property - it’s an apartment on the beach here in the UK. We’ve saved up and made sacrifices for years to be able to do this and are proud that we have been able to do so. At work last week a few ...
A. 19 September 2023: I think sometimes social media is more trouble than what its worth to be honest. If i was you i would not have anyone from work on your social media, just your close friends and family.
You are always going to get jealous people, who want to ... (read in full...)
Early friend dating and sensing a conflcit coming
Q. I have an inquiry about new friends. I try and be very open to different kinds of friends. I've seen people who are closed off and I feel they miss out on great people because they are so safety-concerned and any sign of remote conflict, sends them ...
A. 18 September 2023: You really have not know him for very long, and the little time you have there are some red flags, which are a sign that you should walk away.
Passive aggression, ridicule, low key aggression, drink drugs. Come on OP, you know in your heart of... (read in full...)
Dating a single parent with a teenager
Q. I am a single woman in my early 50s with no kids. I'm trying online dating which is a minefield. However over the last week I have made a good connection with a man in his late 50s. We have had two lengthy conversations this weekend on the phone. He ...
A. 18 September 2023: I think its really early days to say how things are going to go between the two of you.
I guess he just never wanted his daughter to know he is online dating, which is kind of understandable i suppose. I think if things materialized between ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my brother and his wife that I'm moving out of state?
Q. My brother, his wife and I live on the same street. My brother and I have always been close. I am single and work from home. I rent while my brother owns his home. About 4 months ago, my brother and sister-in-law announced that the...
A. 10 September 2023: Nothing was set in stone that you would babysit the baby when its born. They are assuming that you will do this as they assume that you are available and work from home, which is wrong.
You are single, your life is your own and you are free to ... (read in full...)
My mum's friend is a bad customer
Q. I’m really annoyed at my mums friend for messing me about and also at my mum as she is siding with her friend!!! Last year i started making and selling some items- jewelry, hats, bags etc… My mums friend who I’ve only met a handful of times...
A. 10 September 2023: I agree with what you said, you would not go into a shop or buy something online and pay a week later, this would never happen in the real world.
I feel you did the right thing by not giving her the goods and letting her pay later. She would be... (read in full...)
How to let him down gently
Q. Before the summer, I ask my ex to give me some space as i was feeling overwhelmed by our interactions. It felt very unbalanced, as he was in love with me then and I wasn’t with him. He wanted to keep having long talks but for me I really needed to ...
A. 10 September 2023: Sometimes in life we have to be cruel to be kind. He wants to have this talk because he still thinks there is a glimmer of hope there between the pair of you. I feel by saying you both can talk after summer has provided him with false hope.
I thi... (read in full...)
After our drunken threesome I had sex with boyfriend's friend
Q. Is it bad I let my boyfriends mate finish inside me in morning. My bf had been talking to me for few months about this, so we finally had a drunken threesome with his friend last night. Everything was fine until we met in toilet early morning , ...
A. 8 September 2023: Oh dear what a mess, things like this never end well. Because you have indulged in the threesome scene, his mate takes this as a green light to do what he did.
I would never advise bringing a third party into a relationship, and even worse be... (read in full...)
Dating for 2 months and I asked where this is headed
Q. I’ve been dating this guy for 2 months now. I really like him and feel like things were going really well. I finally thought I’d met someone special. I however asked him where he saw this going and he said he didn’t know I feel really upset and ...
A. 6 September 2023: To be honest two months into a new relationship is not really a great deal of time, you still in that kind of new getting to know each other phase.
By your own admission you say he likes your company, thinks your beautiful, have an amazing ... (read in full...)
How to approach neighbor who takes our flowers without asking?
Q. 8 months ago we had a lovely foreign family move in opposite us. The lady is a cake maker and she showed me a portfolio of all her cakes and they look amazing. On a couple of occasions she has asked to use our flowers that we have in our fron...
A. 29 August 2023: She is taking a liberty with your flowers and taking advantage of your good nature.
You just can't stroll onto someone elses property and take a bunch of flowers, so much to the extent it leaves gaps in your garden, she is out of order and this... (read in full...)
Are we being harsh by no longer giving neighbors fresh produce as they seem to take advantage?
Q. My husband and i last year took over my parents allotment. We’ve been very fortunate that we always have an abundance of fresh produce such as lettuce, cucumbers, onions, apples, figs, strawberries, carrots, cabbage etc…. So often we will give ...
A. 29 August 2023: In no way are you being harsh by cutting them off with your fruit and veg, far from it.
I mean what a total cheek, charging you for a pot of jam after you went over with a crate of veggies.
Yep i totally 100% agree with you and your husband... (read in full...)
I don't feel wanted sexually
Q. Me and my gf went away for 8 days for my birthday. It was a great time but when I got back I was disappointed that I had to come back home to relieve myself (we are living separate due to distance and jobs, planning to move in next year). She ...
A. 28 August 2023: It sounds like you are both going through the motions, and you are both to kind to tell each other your true feelings for fear of hurting one another.
I just get the feeling that the pair of you are better suited as friends, i think you maybe ha... (read in full...)
Radio silence did I do something wrong?
Q. Hey there, I've got a bit of a situation on my hands that I could use some advice on. There's this amazing girl I've had a massive crush on, and she's a customer at the comic shop where I work. I've always liked her, but since she's a customer...
A. 27 August 2023: I don't think that you did anything wrong here, and there could a a number of reasons for her elusiveness.
She could be into you and is to shy to let you know.
She could just be one of these people that like to play games, build someones h... (read in full...)
What can I do to be less shy around boys?
Q. I am 17 years old (soon to be 18), and have never, ever been close to being in a relationship. Not once. I really cannot figure out why, I am a bit nervous around guys but not in a way thats weird or anything, I'm just a bit shy. It's not because ...
A. 25 August 2023: I think the best thing is to be your authentic self and just go with the flow and let things transpire easily and naturally.
I think sometimes people think to much and try to hard and end up being something they are not, then when they eventual... (read in full...)
My out of country husband does things just to annoy me
Q. So my husband who lives in another country asked me to send him little bit of some money for internet so he can call me. I sent it him and he put the internet on his phone and then the next day asked me did I want him to call me later and so i sai...
A. 20 August 2023: You don't divulge much information about your situation here and how you are married to someone from another country who likes to ask you for money then mess you around in return.
None of this sounds right to me, and from the little informat... (read in full...)
Why is my fwb being so disrespectful
Q. I've been seeing a FWB for sometime. We do things together. Hang out, go out in his boat, go to dinner sometimes. Lately he seems irritated by something. We went to his condo on the beach in his truck. It was really a hot day. I asked if he could ...
A. 18 August 2023: Why he was so disrespectful is now irrelevant, this is not important here.
You know in your heart of hearts what you need to do here. For starters you want a relationship and he does not. So my advice would be to delete/block and move on, and ... (read in full...)
GF not pregnant now but BF still wants to get married.
Q. My name is Seath. I have been dating the same girl since we were 16 and now we are in college. We had a scary moment last month where we thought she might be pregnant even thought we were using birth control. I asked her to marry me and even got ...
A. 16 August 2023: All things happen for a reason, this just means at this stage in your life was not the right time.
You are still both very young, its all about communication really, for you both sit down and discuss what you both want and what the future holds fo... (read in full...)
Our families don't approve of how we spend our weekends
Q. My female cousin, Brooke (37 years old), and I have always been close. I am a 38 years old male. She has always been best friends. A few years ago, I was curious and joined a nudist park. I fell in love with it and spend as much time as pos...
A. 14 August 2023: At the end of the day you are both 37 & 38 years old, grown adults and how you both wish to spend your spare time is your business.
The fact that she is lesbian should be enough for them to realise that there never will be any kind of sexual c... (read in full...)
Is the crush fading?
Q. The most senior staff in my child's school has a crush on me. The attraction is mutual. Please don't ask me ' how do I know as I have passed that stage. The signs were so obvious i,e there was one or two things that he did that was unprofes...
A. 14 August 2023: Unlike love the feeling of a crush or lust are often short lived and often just dissipate of their own accord.
You know this is wrong, he knows this is wrong, everyone reading this post knows its wrong.
This will just lead to huge complicatio... (read in full...)
Is my friend a freeloader?
Q. I need some opinions to work out if my friend is a freeloader… For as long as I have known her- 8 years she has always struggled with money- she works full time but doesn’t save anything and doesnt think about what she spends and where. W...
A. 14 August 2023: Yes i do think she is kind of a free loader, and she has got used to you footing the bill, or paying for her to have the expensive dinner and extra drinks, which as we both know is not on.
I do think you have to set some boundries and be clear wi... (read in full...)
Shall I confront my neighbor or not?
Q. My neighbor, on several occasion, whilst I have been away has looked after my indoor rabbits. I’ve never had any issues with her coming to my house and looking after them. My bunnies have their own allocated big room downstairs which is rabb...
A. 14 August 2023: I don't think i would mention it to be honest as will more than likely cause some bad feeling.
Next time you go away just maybe consider someone else look after them. ... (read in full...)
I left my abusive partner so why do I feel bad?
Q. I have just left my partner of two years who was emotionally abusive. I have felt unhappy for months living with him but why do I feel even more unhappy without him? Before I met him I was a happy, lived my best life. Now I feel like a shell of my ...
A. 14 August 2023: I understand how you feel, but leaving him was the best thing you could have possibly done.
Break ups are never easy, but i believe time is the healer of all things. Use your own space wisely and try to find things to do that make your heart si... (read in full...)
Husband left me stranded at restaurant after we had a disagreement. Is the marriage over?
Q. Dear cupid I (40f) been married to my husband (35m) for 2 years, dated for about 3 yrs before marriage. Have 1 kid (3 yr). Got a new car recently based on my husband suggestions. He never came to see the car or test drive, I did it and liked it....
A. 24 July 2023: You dated for around three years before marriage, did he not display any of these signs during this time. I find it hard to believe he all of a sudden just turned into this controlling guy once you tied the knot.
If you are really unhappy ... (read in full...)
What went wrong with our dating? I thought we were doing ok!
Q. I need advice on what went wrong with this guy. We met in April. He totally swept me off my feet I'm talking expensive dates,flowers a love story. He even gave me money when I was in need. It was long distance and he was coming to me every weekend. ...
A. 24 July 2023: I think that you had a lucky escape in my opinion, there are to many red flags with this guy
Stop wasting your valuable time and energy on this guy and move on.
I know it hurts so bad, but honestly time is the healer, just keep telling you... (read in full...)
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