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A devastating break-up with a bi-polar woman sparked my current fascination with psychology, mind-games, intentions and everything the quirky fandango that is "relationships" entails. I'm a bit of an over-thinker, enjoy playful disagreements just for interesting conversation and will speak my mind on this site whether you like what I have to say or not.
I don't offer advice, just my opinion and right, wrong or deluded, I'll give you my opinion whether you're 13 or 70...
I know all too well that love can blind you, but the agony aunts can help you see things clearly, however there's no guarantee that you'll like what you see...
So will you take the red pill or the blue pill...?
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| Latest articles: An opportunity to say hello to all the long term Aunts and Uncles and an update
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2016: Its been a long time since logging in here, regrettably I do so now to procrastinate an assignment... But hey! lets not let that small detail belittle the moment ;) I'd like to say a big thank you to anyone who is still here from back in the day....
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He has made it clear he doesn't like me, but still takes me out as if it were a date.
Q. I'll try to keep this brief. I'm 18 and this guy is 20. I was "seeing" him back in Sept/Oct/Nov. We used to go to the movies, out to eat, bowling, etc. And so I thought he liked me, if he was willing to take me out and pay each time. So aft...
A. 2 June 2011: Don't drop the "what are we?" line this time. Just have fun! His intentions will become clear over time and he already knows you like him, so if you go in only looking for friendship this time then you won't be disappointed if nothing more comes ... (read in full...)
Do We Have a Distorted Sense of What Love Really Is?
Q. So I just wanted to say something about some of the myths and sayings about love and relationships that we hear all the time. Things like: - you'll know it when you feel it - when it's right, it's easy - you have to kiss a lot of frogs to f...
A. 2 June 2011: Interesting perspective, not sure I agree entirely, but then again I haven't read the book.
Here's what I think about those sayings:
- "You'll know it when you feel it..." I actually agree with this one, the only thing that varies is how lo... (read in full...)
How do you successfully pursue a Capricorn man?
Q. A mutual attraction developed between me and a Carpricorn man that I used to work with. Nothing happened but he was the one who initiated all the indirect flirting and the staring and the prying personal information out of me. I left the company...
A. 31 May 2011: *sigh*
Obviously you're free to believe what you want to, I personally believe in dragons, leprechauns and unicorns, but can I ask why you believe this stuff enough to affect how you're planning to tackle this situation...
He's a guy, its going... (read in full...)
Do men find skinny girls sexier than curvy girls?
Q. I want you opinions men and women! I want to know do men find skinny girls sexier than curvy girls? i used to be rake thin and prided my self on that but now im older i have got bigger and im worried men wont fancy me as me! Given a choice what sort ...
A. 30 May 2011: Rake's aren't sexy.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend said he just stopped loving me and broke up with me
Q. My boyfriend just broke up with me. He just said one day that he didn't love me anymore. Then he just started being really mean to me. His whole personality changed and he tried to kick me out of his house. I couldn't believe he was being so ...
A. 28 May 2011: People can fall out of love... it happens... and it really sucks.
I know that does nothing to help with the whole closure aspect, but it could just be that simple. ... (read in full...)
Should I be me or the dancer?
Q. I am an ex dancer so used to have a good body and be considered attractive. I got treated really badly by an ex boyfriend who I lived with for 2 years, he cheated on me with about 8 of my friends and ended up becoming violent. My self esteem ...
A. 25 May 2011: Allow me to be a bit more thorough about some of the possible causes of erectile dysfunction, in case anybody out there still needs convincing that penises are unanimously linked to how attractive your guy finds you...
Anxiety
Stress (at ho... (read in full...)
Should I tell my ex gf I am moving and the new place is by her?
Q. Ok. I am selling my condominium. I am sick of working on it. I have found a great deal on an apartment in a neighboring city. The only problem is that the apartment is only about 6 blocks from my most recent ex gf. We dated only 4 1/2 months but I ...
A. 25 May 2011: You don't want her to think you are doing this to be close to her...
She won't unless you tell her. You can't help it if you run into her by coincidence. ... (read in full...)
How can I get pregnant quickly?
Q. hi i am currently trying to conceive i would like some advice on the any quick ways to get pregnant? or anything i can do to get pregnant faster? i have been with my bf for 2years and have had one misscarraige before we have been trying again for...
A. 25 May 2011: Giggity giggity and lots of it.... (read in full...)
Is this insecure man testing me?
Q. Would an insecure man who constantly tests you go as far to tell you he is engaged and going to get married just to see your reaction? And would he then have a problem if you just replied and said she is a lucky girl and i hope it all works out for ...
A. 25 May 2011: I doubt that's a test. If he didn't tell you in person then I really doubt its a test. Regardless, talking to him again would be time better spent talking to a better guy. ... (read in full...)
Can a narcissist and a co-dependent person have a relationship that works?
Q. Hi. I am a co-dependent person. For those who do not know what this is, it is a person who feels the need to please other people in order to get his own validation. I have had treatment for this but still ahve strong codependent tendencies. Last...
A. 25 May 2011: You're completing each other now, hell, it may even feel perfect at times, but here's how I've seen a narcissist/co-dependent relationship playing out... assuming a serious case of narcissism.
Narcissist finds treatment from the co-depen... (read in full...)
Should I be me or the dancer?
Q. I am an ex dancer so used to have a good body and be considered attractive. I got treated really badly by an ex boyfriend who I lived with for 2 years, he cheated on me with about 8 of my friends and ended up becoming violent. My self esteem ...
A. 25 May 2011: You can't judge your level of attractiveness on the strength of a guys erection...
I've lost count of how many times I've had to tell women that. There are a million different factors that affect the ability to get and sustain an erection... (read in full...)
Was his non-reply a sign to stop?
Q. Okay I like this guy, but he doesn't know me. He actually knows my sister's boyfriend. While we was texting he asked to see a picture. I sent the cutest picture in my phone. I'm really not ugly okay. So he said he couldn't see my face I was told to ...
A. 25 May 2011: Text him to say hi and ask a question so that he's inclined to reply. No response after 2 days and yeah, that's your cue that he's not interested. ... (read in full...)
Dating is frying my brain and I am becoming obsessive and stupid! Help!
Q. Hey guys. So, I'm sure this is going to be a bit redundant, as I'm sure others have asked similar questions in the past, but I really am confused and am curious as to what people think about my situation in particular. This is a book, unfortunately. ...
A. 25 May 2011: Just throw it out there and suggest a date that reflects your personality- what have you got to lose?
Seriously, if you have to play games to get him interested- then you'll have to play games to keep him... and still there's no guarante... (read in full...)
My wife's sex life before she met me, and her attitude towards sex now have left me shattered....
Q. This seems to be a big topic here. I have read a lot of the responses from people and they are helping. What I notice is that there are two categories of people suffering from this. One is people who have had a lot of partners (maybe even more tha...
A. 25 May 2011: I think your question has become a bit hazy through largely irrelevant details...
You say that you don't think you can go another 20 years like this, fair enough, can understand that. So lets look at your options the way I see it- (anyone ... (read in full...)
My wife's sex life before she met me, and her attitude towards sex now have left me shattered....
Q. This seems to be a big topic here. I have read a lot of the responses from people and they are helping. What I notice is that there are two categories of people suffering from this. One is people who have had a lot of partners (maybe even more tha...
A. 24 May 2011: I actually think people are being a bit harsh to you so far. Yes, you've got some twisted logic which has been built up over the years, yes, you've got retroactive jealousy pretty bad, yes, you've started to rationalize to yourself why you should ... (read in full...)
Guys : Girls what do you think of "the rules?"
Q. The Rules: do you ladies out there follow them? And men- does it work? Do you like a lady better of she ignores you until you call? I'm asking because I'm such an open book and I think I make it too easy for guys by being easy going and not pl...
A. 24 May 2011: "The rules" has done more harm than good for both girls and guys worldwide... and yes, I have read it... its hilarious in its counter-productiveness.
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's adhd is causing problems in our relationship!
Q. my boyfriend had adhd as a child and does affect him as an adult in our relationship in that he fidgits alot and i need to tap him to remind him to keep still i tolerate it when we are going sleep, that he moves alot before he gets comfortable...
A. 24 May 2011: If you had adhd you'd understand... research doesn't cut it.
Frankly you're gonna have to accept him warts and all or live a frustrated life with him, cos he ain't gonna change. ... (read in full...)
If a girl gives out her contact info to a guy without any intention of dating him, is it leading him on???
Q. ok this friend of mine (a girl) got into an argument recently and i would love to hear your opinion on this. she is very pretty and she gets hit upon a lot. she is very friendly too so she engages guys in conversations. then they inevitably ask f...
A. 23 May 2011: If a guy asks for her number so that they can take her out for a date and she actually has no intention of going out on a date with him.... then yeah, that's leading the guy on.
If a guy just asks for her number and she gives it to him... t... (read in full...)
Should my boyfriend want to go off with his friends on a bank holiday?
Q. Okay, so this weekend is a bank holiday, my guy is off work Saturday and Sunday (he works a lot of weekends) and basically he has been invited to go camping with his two best mates. I’m pi***d off. I don’t have a problem with either of these gu...
A. 23 May 2011: The last time he went away for a weekend with a mate was a year ago? He's going camping... not a tour of Vegas strip clubs.
You are not in competition with his friends... making it seem like you are is only going to breed resentment, from you... (read in full...)
My bf thought I was asleep and started masturbating to porn. How should I deal with this?
Q. Hi new to this! But just wondering. Iv been with my boyfreind for 6months now and we live in our own flat. Everythings great etc and Yesterday we had sex during The day, and I fell asleep in bed cuddled up to my boyfriend about 1am this morning...
A. 23 May 2011: The best thing you can do is tell him that you don't mind if he masturbates, just that you don't want it rubbed in your face. Its disrespectful and no, you're not being stupid... I think you're being quite level-headed about the whole thing to be ... (read in full...)
My best friend is stealing my ideas...including the one about the tattoo that I've always wanted!!
Q. Basically the question is, am I making a bigger deal of this than I should. Here's the situation: So, I've always wanted at least one or two small tattoos. That's it. But I'm not going to get them until I'm older. So what I did was I took ...
A. 23 May 2011: That's the problem with tattoo's... Once people see it and thinks it's cool, they can copy it. ANYBODY who see's it, friend or stranger.
Tribal tattoos used to be cool, now every man and his dog has them. Same with the barbed wire arm bands...... (read in full...)
I'm sleeping with a married man and he wants me to stay at his house. Should I?
Q. I am seeing a married guy 3 or 4 times a year we meet in cities away from home in Fl and or Ca I am 69 and he is 40. When in Ca I have dinner with him and his wifr, I am goig to Ca next and he suggested I stay at his home. Good idea ?????"??...
A. 23 May 2011: Nothing about your situation seems to have been built on a foundation of "good ideas". ... (read in full...)
Why do guys get handsy in a bar when a girl is JUST talking to them!?
Q. I don't understand why when i'm at a bar and a guy approaches me he seems nice, funny and pretty respectful at first. But then he'll start getting handsy whilst we're talking, such as putting his hand on my waist or bum and it's like they do it ...
A. 23 May 2011: It's a litmus test as to whether you'd be up for something more. If you aren't, then it becomes obvious sooner rather than later. Sorry... but after 4 years working in a nightclub, that's what it boils down to for many guys. ... (read in full...)
I really cant figure out if he likes me or not!!
Q. so there is this guy I've been crushing on for the past year. we went to a concert last nov. where we got into a water fight and kept pouring water over each others heads and he kept looking back at me throughout the concert and smiling. I asked hi...
A. 23 May 2011: Keep doing what you're doing and reassuring him. Be persistent. It sounds like he likes you... I'm willing to bet he hasn't really had a serious relationship before. ... (read in full...)
I'm completely against my BF getting a bullet bike, but he says he would choose the bike over me without a second thought!!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now. He is amazing in almost every way. We are so alike and we have so much fun together, and we have a passionate love life. I love him more than anything but recently I have begun to have doubts ...
A. 23 May 2011: Walking the walk and talking the talk are two VERY different things. He's told you he would get over you if you were to breakup, that he wouldn't be devastated, that he'd find someone new, that he'd choose a bike over you... Yet after 3 years he's ... (read in full...)
I feel like a crazy person. It's as if I won't allow anyone to love me, but I WANT somebody to love me.
Q. Why am I so picky when it comes to men? I'll like a guy and the minute he starts to get interested in me it's like I completely go off him, infact I can't stand him to be around me or touch me. And even liking a guy is a rare occurance, I never ...
A. 23 May 2011: Though I think it'd be better to talk to a therapist about this stuff, if I had to have a shot in the dark I'd say that you're self-sabotaging yourself... simply because its more comfortable for you not to get too close to someone and leave yourself ... (read in full...)
The wedding is so close and I know I love this guy but why do I keep focusing on reasons why the wedding shouldn't happen when the date is so close and there is a kid involved?
Q. The man I am with treats me very well, and treats my 7 year old kid just the way I would want a step parent to treat her, but there is no heat in our relationship anymore and I am SOOO infatuated with a guy I used to work with and constantly see him ...
A. 19 May 2011: Do you love him?... (read in full...)
How do I deal with these games???
Q. I am in a difficult situation and not sure what to do I have been with my partner nearly 18 months. He has two kids and i have none. I love him but just lately i have had my doubts... We both can be jealous. He gets more jealous when he has ha...
A. 19 May 2011: Whatever response he's after from you when he plays a mind game- just do the opposite to what you used to do... or better yet, just ignore him. He's so used to playing these games because they used to work, but now he has to learn the hard way that ... (read in full...)
Work outs...
Q. Hello, I have gotten interested in working out recently but I don't have a clue about the topic. I have a friend who works out (hes the only friend that does) but he is a little shy and secluded. He talks to me fine but is still shy. The thing that ...
A. 19 May 2011: Just go to a gym dude. They'll write up a program for you and show you how to do the exercises. Do them for a month and you'll start seeing results... but other people tend to notice first any differences first... ;)... (read in full...)
Female orgasm from performing fellatio?
Q. Do some women experience orgasms while (or from) performing fellatio ? She stops (hesitates) several times while performing fellatio and seems to need to get her breath.... almost like choking but different. She twitches and gets her breath then con...
A. 19 May 2011: Hah, that's a new one. ... (read in full...)
She refused to shave after eveything I do for her...
Q. Dear fellow readers, I have found myself stuck in a very fragile situation and I am in need of some serious, thought out advice. I am 16 and have been with my girlfriend for about a year now, and I have hit a brick wall. A few weeks ago I ask her to ...
A. 19 May 2011: APOLOGIZE!... (read in full...)
Is Pornography cheating?
Q. The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
A. 17 May 2011: Thank you for bringing some level-headed sanity to this thread smiliek... (no seriously)... I was beginning to think that there were only the self-righteous whacko's left. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is too controlling and needy, we fight a lot, what should I do?
Q. My girlfriend is often needy and controlling and I am not sure what to do about it. We often fight over small things due to this and I want to have a healthier relationship with her. Please help me. I will give the following background: We have b...
A. 17 May 2011: Oh dear. As I was reading this I was thinking to myself- "sounds like she's bi-polar", having dated a bi-polar girl for a few years myself. Then I read that her mum has bi-polar...
You do know that bi-polar can be genetically passed down fro... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my hubby want to make love to me?
Q. I'm newly married for 3 months n I'm 22 and my husband is 30. I was a virgin when I married him and he is not. From what he says he's had many girlfriends and had sex with lots of people, obviously he went through that clubbing and player stage. ...
A. 17 May 2011: You've been married for 3 months, but how long did you date before the wedding?... (read in full...)
Will my boyfriend change?
Q. Is it possible to change somebody in some respect, i mean to say my boyfriend had many girlfriends in past but he did not settle and I don't want to fool myself with the hope that he will settle this time. But I want to know if there is a chance ...
A. 17 May 2011: Maturity comes very gradually over time... if he's in his 20's... it could be many many years before you consider him "mature". I personally think its naive to only be with a person in the hope that they'll change into the person you want/think ... (read in full...)
Is this a good long term method to desensitize the penis?
Q. I read somewhere that for uncircumcised/sensitive penis a remedy to desensitize it is to expose the head of the penis (or glans) for by pulling the foreskin back, for long period each day for several days (or even weeks). Say I pull my foreskin...
A. 17 May 2011: Why on earth do you want to desensitize your penis?... (read in full...)
Is it selfish that I don't want my boyfriend's 2 kids to live with us?
Q. My boyfriend has two kids from a previous marriage. One is 7, and the other one is 5. They are two very hyper boys. We have a 9 week old together. I never knew his boys were living with their mothers grandmother. So, not too long ago, she told my...
A. 17 May 2011: Tough call... I might say you were being selfish if you weren't going to be the one looking after them the majority of the time. Its one thing to accept your partner for whom they are- including their responsibilities, but this just seems a bit ... (read in full...)
I need help deciding on which love to follow: The love of my life or current girlfriend that I love dearly, equally!
Q. Okay, I know I'm young, but I'm in love. My situation: I am 19 and in love with two young women. They are both 18. So let's call girl 1 Lisa and call girl 2 Tina. Lisa (girl 1) and I dated for a little over a year with the addition of a few mont...
A. 17 May 2011: Only you can make this decision, but here's a few things to consider.
You say that you are "deeply, deeply in love with Lisa", who has been faithful to you, yet you broke up with her for this other girl Tina.
Now why is that? Do you re... (read in full...)
My boyfriend was in bed with another girl but claims she is just a friend!
Q. I caught a girl in my bf laying on the same bed with my bf, the door was locked. My bf is now telling me that the girl was just a casual friend, what do think? ...
A. 17 May 2011: I think its a load of bulls**t.... (read in full...)
What should I do to my bf? Keep him around?
Q. I'm not sure where to start but to simply put this into a shorter way is that I think I might be a psychopath. I know people keeps saying that if someone really is one, he/she wouldn't be looking for help or asking this question here. I keep wa...
A. 17 May 2011: Maybe you should see your doctor and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist. I'm not saying you're crazy, but it might be worth getting checked out in case you do have some kind of disorder (BPD?). Not feeling guilt is kind of a red flag.... (read in full...)
He used to be confident around me but now he's really shy?
Q. So there's this guy i know likes me. We've kissed (i was drunk at the time but knew what i was doing) and since then he's been very shy around me. Beforehand he was confident to me and seemed a bit of a player, but after that night he's gone shy. He ...
A. 17 May 2011: Whats your question exactly?... (read in full...)
Is Pornography cheating?
Q. The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
A. 10 May 2011: "Do the women ask the men to behave like Brad Pitt from some romantic movie?"
Have you ever dated a woman before...?... (read in full...)
Is Pornography cheating?
Q. The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
A. 5 May 2011: This is your opinion, but you've been presenting it like its fact because what... the entire scientific community agrees on this? Garbage. The scientific community can't even unite on whether coffee is good or bad for you, it all depends on which ... (read in full...)
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