My wife went to an adults-only topless pool in Vegas. I'm not so sure what to think about it
Q. My wife recently went on a bachelorette party to Las Vegas. Some of the girls decided to go to the adults-only topless pool. My wife and a couple other girls (single) decided to take their tops off. The one's who were married did not. My wife ...
A. 10 September 2015: Maybe this is because I grew up in Europe, but in my experience going topless on holiday is very normal and not sexual at all. It means you don't get tan lines and keeps you cooler on the beach too. So personally I don't think you have anything to ... (read in full...)
How do I get her to be more attentive to my needs?
Q. So I've been with my gf for a few months now. We started to progress things sexually. But it all seems focussed around here really. I spend a lot of time getting her off with fingers / oral, and all the lead up to it to warm her up - paying ...
A. 9 August 2015: She might be nervous. I remember when I started having sex and my boyfriend moved my hand down there, and I had no idea what to do so I just froze.That went on for a while as I was too scared of doing something wrong, until I eventually told him ... (read in full...)
Why do I get so much rejection if I'm what people say I am?
Q. Okay so I'm a bi man who's not out as bi. I am confident and friendly and funny (so I'm told) here's my problem. I've been told more times than I can count how good looking I am by both men and women, people telling friends your friends good loo...
A. 9 August 2015: First of all, being good looking is in the eye of the beholder so it may just be that you are not some peoples type. It happens to everyone, but it sounds like there are lots of people who do like how you look so that's a good sign. Secondly, it ... (read in full...)
My relationship is failing, was I in the wrong??
Q. Who was in the wrong here? Trying to get some perspective on my failing relationship :( I got tickets for a band I like and went with my boyf. I paid the tickets as its my fav band (he does like them too but not as much as me) and I wanted us to ge...
A. 9 August 2015: Also, he said he wanted to stay in your bed but wouldn't look at you, touch you and was verbally abusive when you tried to speak to him? You should have told him to sleep in the spare room or done it yourself. He was trying to make you feel bad ... (read in full...)
My relationship is failing, was I in the wrong??
Q. Who was in the wrong here? Trying to get some perspective on my failing relationship :( I got tickets for a band I like and went with my boyf. I paid the tickets as its my fav band (he does like them too but not as much as me) and I wanted us to ge...
A. 9 August 2015: No you don't deserve it at all. This is exactly how my ex boyfriend used to behave - I could honestly have written this myself. In the case of my ex, he would be mad when I asked him to do anything he didn't want to do. Most of the time he wouldn't ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend insulted me and made me feel terrible and now I'm having a hard time forgiving her
Q. Recently when we were texting, my girlfriend got really angry and said some pretty horrible things about me while I tried to calm her down. I've never been one to take insults easily or very lightly. It's something I grew up with. Everyone in my ...
A. 8 August 2015: It will be much easier to give you advice if you tell us what she said.... (read in full...)
How can I convince my girlfriend that my sexual needs do matter?
Q. In college I had a friend named "Jon." He was a stage actor and while he was not conventionally handsome he was a leading man in the style of Gérard Depardieu. He was a decent guy and he had a lot a women interested in him at various points. ...
A. 5 August 2015: You can't make her see or do anything. She's made it quite clear that she's not interested in that sort of sex, regardless of what she may or may not have done in the past.
Of course you are more than entitled to go looking for a girlfrie... (read in full...)
Online dating - why do women never reply to email?
Q. I admit I've tried online dating because it's convenient and saves a lot of time and creates a certain comfort level for people because a person can always choose not to respond and feel no pressure. My problem is nobody responds. When I send a ...
A. 3 August 2015: I don't mean this to sound harsh, but after reading your follow-up I believe it's you who is coming across as a little entitled. As if these women owe you a reply, and the fact they don't means they must either have overly high expectations or they ... (read in full...)
My fiance is a sex addict and it feels like our relationship is just about sex
Q. My Fiancé and I have been together a year. We have always enjoyed sex and have it quite frequently, 4 to 6 times a week. The thing is though I feel as though my sex drive is going down and I don't want it as much and his is going up and always ...
A. 30 July 2015: The reason he keeps doing it is because you cave in. He doesn't care that you don't really want to do it, because to him getting his needs met is more important than what you want. Which is fair enough to a certain extent, since YOU are the one who ... (read in full...)
Can a man live without sex in a marriage?
Q. Can a married man in his mid 40's stay happily married if his wife doesn't want sex anymore? And I'm talking years now? Can a man live without sex in a marriage? ...
A. 30 July 2015: I think people often make the answer to this question far too simplistic. I actually think that the majority of men AND women wouldn't want to live in a sexless marriage. However, that doesn't mean they can't do it or that there aren't exceptions.
... (read in full...)
Just started dating, communication is all one way
Q. Thank you for reading. Last Tuesday I went out on a first date. I've known her for 4 years because she works in a coffee shop in a city I pass through for work reasons about once every 3 weeks. Over the years we have always got along and ha...
A. 22 July 2015: I think she's probably trying to avoid coming across too keen. There are so many mixed messages for women with regards to dating out there - let him come to you; if he's interested he'll pursue you; if you show too much interest you'll scare him off ... (read in full...)
Do I throw away a twenty year marriage because he is more interested in porn stars than me?
Q. My husbands obsession with Porn is driving me crazy . There is no desire when he looks at me anymore . Our sex life feel like he is in another world . He has his favourite porn stars saved on his computer.I've Tried talking to him and he sa...
A. 19 July 2015: Does he know how much this upsets you? That you are considering ending your marriage over it? Quite often we get men writing on here saying they were blindsided when their long term partner or wife left them, yet when we probe deeper we find she was ... (read in full...)
Would it be so horrible to have sex on a second date?
Q. Met this great guy online, like me he's been a single a year. We have a lot in common and have spent hours laughing on the phone for the time we've known each other. Our first date was great, we were comfortable with one another almost right away. ...
A. 19 July 2015: I think that since you are a grown woman, you should be able to do what you want to do. HOWEVER, we get so many posts here from women saying the guy lost interest after she slept with him too soon and from men saying their feelings changed overnight ... (read in full...)
How to deal with sexually abusive wife?
Q. My wife of a decade will not respond to me sexually at all. She used to be very fit but now she has gained a lot of weight (from 100lbs to maybe 150 lbs). I still think she is sexy, but she says she hates her body. I can understand why she feels th...
A. 16 July 2015: Male anon - several people have already told him to leave if that's what he wants to do. If he just wants 'permission' to leave her because of this, then he absolutely has it. However, if he wants to FIX it, then he will have to change tactics.
... (read in full...)
How to deal with sexually abusive wife?
Q. My wife of a decade will not respond to me sexually at all. She used to be very fit but now she has gained a lot of weight (from 100lbs to maybe 150 lbs). I still think she is sexy, but she says she hates her body. I can understand why she feels th...
A. 16 July 2015: Male anon - several people have already told him to leave if that's what he wants to do. If he just wants 'permission' to leave her because of this, then he absolutely has it. However, if he wants to FIX it, then he will have to change tactics.
... (read in full...)
How can I be expected to stay in a relationship where my feelings are blunted or ignored?
Q. I am really struggling with my relationship. I feel whenever I do something nice for my boyfriend he doesn't really respond or appreciate it at all. For example if I make a post on facebook where I let known of my care and appreciation for him in ...
A. 12 July 2015: Being honest, I don't think you are compatible. You are obviously the type of person who likes to demonstrate how much you love the other person and you like to hear that in return, whereas he sounds much more reserved. It's not really that either ... (read in full...)
Can I get over this revelation? Three years ago, before I knew her, she gave a guy a bj.
Q. Okay so im 18 and have been with my girlfriend who is 19 for a year. I'm very happy with her, and still am, but recently found out that when she was barely 15, she gave a bj to a guy who she only got with 2 or 3 times, who she knew had a gf but d...
A. 12 July 2015: So you got a BJ at 16 and she gave one at 15, yet you are judging her and slut shaming her?!
You do realise what a double standard that is right? That it's ok for the guy to accept sexual favours with no recriminations, but the woman who did it i... (read in full...)
What are the reasons or justifications to share, or not share, one's sexual past with a significant other?
Q. Would you share your sexual past with someone who you're in a committed relationship with, or do you think it's best to leave the past in the past? Similarly, would you want to know about your significant other's past or would you prefer not to k...
A. 10 July 2015: I think that sex is a private act between the two people involved, therefore I would never share any details with any future partners. It's simply not their business in my opinion. To those who think that means I must be ashamed of my past and/or ... (read in full...)
How do I keep myself from getting attached to my female FWB?
Q. Hi Guys, Please can you advise me how to not get so attached to a girl that I'm being casual with? We speak everyday, but I want to just keep it to fwb only. Thank you ...
A. 7 July 2015: It's very easy to develop feelings for someone you are being intimate with, so you may not be able to keep sleeping together without growing more attached. Why would you not want it to become more than fwb?... (read in full...)
We've been talking for 8 months and still no sex!
Q. I need help..Ive been talking to this girl for about almost 8 months and we havent had sex yet. She telling me to wait and I'll ask for it when i want too. Im really into this girl, always bring her out, pay, buy surprise gifts and love talking to ...
A. 7 July 2015: What do you mean when you say you've 'been talking'? Are you in a relationship with her? If so is it exclusive? ... (read in full...)
Can this marriage still work after what my husband told me? He loves me, but not my changed physical appearance
Q. I have been with my husband for 5 years. After having two children and dealing with my weight issues this past year, my body has definitely changed. My husband sat me down a couple of nights ago and I knew something was wrong. He told me he didn'...
A. 6 July 2015: I have to say, I think that what he said to you was pretty cruel. Of course I know he can't help how he feels, but you've given him 2 children within 5 years so of course your body is going to have changed! He could have tried being a bit more ... (read in full...)
Why is my wife spending so much time sleeping, while meanwhile our sex life is non existent?
Q. My wife recently went away for a few days with friends. While she was away, we chatted on the phone everyday. However, for the past few months she's been sleeping all the time and she's also put on weight and she's still gaining. Her weight doesn't ...
A. 6 July 2015: To be brutally honest, I think you need to stop thinking about sex for a while and get your wife to a doctor to make sure she is ok. It's not normal for an adult woman to suddenly need so much sleep, and the weight gain could be another symptom of ... (read in full...)
She is a newer employee. Why would our boss give her preferential treatment not offered to the rest of us?
Q. My boss gave a female cowoker 'blocked days' off that were forbidden to the rest of us.. A manager refused to give her those days. Then she asked the head manager, who gave her anything. Even the better work schedule. She's newer than most of us....
A. 6 July 2015: How new is she? If she's very new there's a chance she made arrangements before starting this job and the manager is trying to be fair and accommodate those. She may have exceptional circumstances that you don't know about, or she may have been the ... (read in full...)
I am obsessed with my colleague, do you think she will be receptive to my attempts to be her friend again?
Q. I'm not really writing this to find a solution to a problem. I don't really think there is a solution. I just needed to express something. I'm a married male father of four and I would consider myself happily married. About five years ago, there was ...
A. 30 June 2015: I feel you should stop disrespecting your wife and either leave her so you can moon over this other woman all you like, or forget the other woman and focus your romantic intentions where they should be focused - within your marriage.
And stop mak... (read in full...)
How to deal with sexually abusive wife?
Q. My wife of a decade will not respond to me sexually at all. She used to be very fit but now she has gained a lot of weight (from 100lbs to maybe 150 lbs). I still think she is sexy, but she says she hates her body. I can understand why she feels th...
A. 30 June 2015: Firstly, withholding sex could be termed as abuse if it is done from a place of control or punishment. In your wife's case, it seems more like she doesn't desire sex, so it's not that she's withholding sex, it's that she doesn't WANT it.
There... (read in full...)
How to deal with sexually abusive wife?
Q. My wife of a decade will not respond to me sexually at all. She used to be very fit but now she has gained a lot of weight (from 100lbs to maybe 150 lbs). I still think she is sexy, but she says she hates her body. I can understand why she feels th...
A. 29 June 2015: It sounds like you could both really benefit from counselling to try to get the love back between you, as this is a vicious circle that's going to be difficult to break. You don't see why you should be nice to her if she's not giving you sex, and ... (read in full...)
What to do? I Love my Gf, she's pretty, but I'm not attracted to her body
Q. I need help. I love my girlfriend a lot but don't think I'm attracted to her body. I'm not trying to say she's completely unattractive because she's not, she's actually very pretty. I just don't find myself lusting or wanting her body/sex. I've ...
A. 26 June 2015: This is a very delicate issue, as she probably has her own body issues to deal with so any suggestion that you like her at a particular weight could easily harm her confidence and put her under pressure.
If you think she needs to lose weight f... (read in full...)
Without making her mad, how do I let her know I want to sleep with her?
Q. I just met a woman at new housing development and signed paper work to buy a house from. She is know longer with the company and I have met with her once for coffee. My question is how can i let her i want to sleep with her witout offending her or ...
A. 26 June 2015: There's a chance that may not be possible. I know from my point of view that there's nothing a man could say to me to get me to agree to casual sex, most especially if he asked for it straight away without putting any other effort to really get to ... (read in full...)
Why was my wife so good to her cheating ex partners but I have to beg for sex?
Q. My wife and I are very happily married. However, in the past she was involved in very emotionally abusive relationships in the past where she put up with a lot of cheating and verbal abuse. She told me that she always tried to give more of herself ...
A. 17 June 2015: 'She tells me she is doing it to make me happy. I try my very best to not get upset and I am as patient as I can be with the situation.'
I think you need to be careful here, as she's falling into old patterns and having sex only because you want... (read in full...)
My cousin has now totally blanked me. Should I persist in trying to talk to him about our night of passion together?
Q. Advice needed please. So Saturday night I invited my Cousin over for a chat and a catch up as I'm staying in the area while another family member is in hospital. My cousin and I are not close and although we've met a few times and went to the ...
A. 16 June 2015: Because he realises how messy this could get. How do you think your parents would feel if they knew what had happened? Regardless of how the sex was, you should really do the same as him and forget it ever happened before you damage your family for ... (read in full...)
If I still have strong feelings for him, why am I no longer as excited to see him, after a period of absence from each other?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for four years now. I am older than him by a few years. Things have been going really well until he moved away for work. Because it is far away we rarely get to see each other and have to rely on technology to ke...
A. 16 June 2015: I went through something very similar with my now ex boyfriend which may (or may not) resonate with you.
Like yours, my boyfriend worked long and unpredictable shifts so finding time to see each other was hard. He also had a full social life to ... (read in full...)
He said he "was thinking about me while getting his lapdances,"and thinks it's not cheating. Should I give him another chance?
Q. My bf, J (23) and I(25) are both military and have been together nearly 3 yrs, mostly long distance (we're 10 hrs apart now). At the start, we made boundaries for cheating. Since we're both jealous, we said kissing, flirting and all the various ...
A. 16 June 2015: Being honest, I think you can do much better than him. He's trying to justify his behaviour with all these different excuses, but the fact is he agreed to certain rules then broke them. Having no emotional connection to the woman is irrelevant - ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has become self centered and doesn't put forth any effort sexually
Q. So I've been with my boyfriend for a year now. At first it was going good and then it got shakey...long story short we became homeless. After we got out of the situation we moved in to a place he started being self centered about himself and doesn't ...
A. 11 June 2015: Your issue is outlined in your last paragraph - you never ask him for anything. You have the right to have your needs met in your relationship, so start showing and telling him what you want. If he's too tired or stressed to meet your needs, then he ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my wife her vagina is loose without hurting her feelings?
Q. We have been married for around 15 years and have had a good sex life. I'm around 42 and my wife is 40. I have started facing this problem - I find my wife's vagina very loose now. I do not get the same feeling in my penis now as I used to get ...
A. 11 June 2015: I don't think there is any way she won't be offended to be honest. That would be like her telling you your penis feels smaller recently and as such she is less satisfied - there's no way you can deliver a message like that without hurting the other ... (read in full...)
My Girlfriend never let's me finish when we make love. Am I doing something wrong?
Q. This is my first time every doing anything like this, because i can usually solve problems myself, so please bare with me. But, this is different for me. My question is Ive been seeing this girl for almost 2 years it's crazy how we met but she's...
A. 9 June 2015: But nowhere does the OP say she is angry or blowing up at him about it. He said she said she's too sensitive after she's climaxed so she asks him to pull out. If she's in pain, I think that's fair enough don't you? Or would you be ok if your partner ... (read in full...)
My Girlfriend never let's me finish when we make love. Am I doing something wrong?
Q. This is my first time every doing anything like this, because i can usually solve problems myself, so please bare with me. But, this is different for me. My question is Ive been seeing this girl for almost 2 years it's crazy how we met but she's...
A. 8 June 2015: Chigirl is absolutely spot on - her body her rules. No one ever has 'the right' to anyone else's body at any point. End of story.... (read in full...)
What to do if the sex still sucks after 2 years? She doesn't seem to be into me...Nor into sex in general
Q. I'm not feeling like I'm sexually wanted by my girlfriend of now 2 years. I'm 25 and she's 28 and we've been, as said, together for 2 years. In the start we had debates about this and eventually it settled to sex when I wanted to have sex b...
A. 6 June 2015: First of all, what exactly is a 'somewhat sloppy' orgasm?! I have no idea what that could possibly mean so some insight would be really helpful.
Secondly, to be perfectly honest it sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on her. Like she... (read in full...)
Can a married man fall in love with another woman, yet never leave his wife?
Q. Can a married man fall in love with another woman he has been with for 2-3 years but never leave his wife?...
A. 5 June 2015: No I don't think he can truly love her. He can like the free sex and escapism she provides, but love - no.... (read in full...)
He says there is is no need to spend on me until we get married!
Q. I'm 24year plus and my guy is 30 plus we both love eachother despite i was aware that he had a child out of wedlock and he is a contractor by proffession and im a pertime student and working as a secretary in a small studio where i earn little ...
A. 5 June 2015: I'm guessing this is also you: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-wants-to-be-friends-and-he-wants.html
I'm going to reiterate the advice I gave then. Your boyfriend's daughter must come first and he doesn't owe you any financial assistan... (read in full...)
Is the pill alone enough?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We live together, and we are very much in love. I am on the pill, and I'm very faithful about taking it every day. We haven't used condoms since about a month or two into our relationship, we have ...
A. 4 June 2015: I may have picked the male anon up wrong, but just for the avoidance of any doubt, the pull out method is definitely ineffective as a form of birth control. There can be sperm in pre-cum at any time (not just after a recent ejaculation - there have ... (read in full...)
Is the pill alone enough?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We live together, and we are very much in love. I am on the pill, and I'm very faithful about taking it every day. We haven't used condoms since about a month or two into our relationship, we have ...
A. 4 June 2015: I may have picked the male anon up wrong, but just for the avoidance of any doubt, the pull out method is definitely ineffective as a form of birth control. There can be sperm in pre-cum at any time (not just after a recent ejaculation - there have ... (read in full...)
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