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*ls022

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My visiting a strip club upset my girlfriend ... how do I fix this?

Q.   I need help fixing things with my girlfriend. Over the last few months she has gone off sex quite a bit and we only really have it once a week just now. She's been to the doctor who said she is physically fine so it might be stress or something. ...

A.   9 December 2014: I'd like to point out that while I do agree with CMMP in that people should sometimes try to have sex for the benefit of their partner, it's worth noting that if she says her sex drive is dead and she's still having sex with you once a week, she ... (read in full...)

My visiting a strip club upset my girlfriend ... how do I fix this?

Q.   I need help fixing things with my girlfriend. Over the last few months she has gone off sex quite a bit and we only really have it once a week just now. She's been to the doctor who said she is physically fine so it might be stress or something. ...

A.   9 December 2014: I think this is a case of very bad timing on your part. You say your girlfriend has lost her sex drive and even the doctor can't work out why. You also say you've expressed your frustration, so she clearly knows this is an issue for you. My be... (read in full...)

Why does my ex keep asking about who I might be dating?

Q.   Ex, who is now married and I'm sleeping with (not proud of this), keeps asking me about who I'm dating. Why is he asking me this? Why does he even care to know? When I ask him, he changes the subject. He doesn't want a relationship with me again, ...

A.   8 December 2014: I think he's forcing the point that you are free to go out and date to make it 100% clear that you are not in a relationship with him. Whatever his reasons, he doesn't sound like someone worth your time or effort.... (read in full...)

My wife wants my permission to go out and flirt with other men when it suits her

Q.   My wife and I have been together for 17 years, married for 12. We're still young-ish in our 30s because we met young. We've had a great marriage overall and have a relationship that was genuingely best friends first, then it became romantic. She ...

A.   8 December 2014: What does she mean by flirting exactly? I can be a bit of a flirt at times with others, but I'm talking about a throwaway comment to a cashier to make his day or something equally innocent. It sounds as though your wife wants to do a lot more than ... (read in full...)

Why am I never good enough for more than dating or them wanting sex?!?

Q.   Why am I never good enough for more than dating or them wanting sex?!? They don't get the goodies, but that seems to be the only thing men want from me. I'm an attractive woman and get told this many many times by men and women alike. I'm good-...

A.   8 December 2014: I 100% agree with Honeypie. If you don't want to have sex until you are in a relationship or at least heading that way, then wait. If some guys are too 'sex starved' or whatever to wait for you then they are clearly not looking for the things you ... (read in full...)

I'm 31, moved back home and my mom is driving me crazy

Q.   I'm 31 I moved out of my parents house for a little over a year to live with my ex bf. He cheated on me we broke up and I met my current bf, my lease was up so I decided to move back home. My mom has never stopped treating me the same way when I ...

A.   7 December 2014: Your only option is to move out and save money at a slower pace. I am 29 and am back living at home at the moment too as my new house is still being built, but I appreciate the fact my parents are doing me a favour and respect the fact they want me ... (read in full...)

How do I find someone to help fulfill my fiance's fantasy?

Q.   My fiance and I have been together 4.5 years. We are very secure and loving toward each other and I don't see that changing at all. However, he's got a fantasy that he kind of wants to fulfill before we get married and has told me that he wants me ...

A.   3 December 2014: I agree with everyone else - what exactly is the other woman getting out of this? I don't know anyone who'd be willing to give a random guy a blow job with no other pay-off for her. Would you do it for another couple?... (read in full...)

I want sex as a Christmas present and I want her to fulfill my sexual fantasies! How do I say this to my wife?

Q.   My wife keeps asking me what I want for Christmas, but I'm a bit nervous about asking for what I really want - sex. I want to have sex more often - I think she does too. The issue is last Christmas - after copious research - I bought her lingerie ...

A.   30 November 2014: I think we need a bit more information before we start suggesting your wife needs medication! Do you try to initiate sex or are you too nervous about that too? If so, why are you nervous? Has she rejected you a lot or are you scared she'll c... (read in full...)

Good sex versus Bad sex. Why is she so unwilling to try to oral?

Q.   I'm writing this for guidance. I've been dating my girlfriend for just 4.5 months now. We are in love and talk about how we're definitely going to marry each other all the time. She asked me if I wanted the relationship originally. my g...

A.   29 November 2014: Also OP, the 'hanging by a thread' comment could back up what I said too. Time to stop picking holes in her sexual skills because she's feeling like she's failing to meet your needs so much that you may leave her because if it.... (read in full...)

Good sex versus Bad sex. Why is she so unwilling to try to oral?

Q.   I'm writing this for guidance. I've been dating my girlfriend for just 4.5 months now. We are in love and talk about how we're definitely going to marry each other all the time. She asked me if I wanted the relationship originally. my g...

A.   29 November 2014: "We will have long talks about what I want that she's not doing and our sex life in general" This would have a terrible impact on my sex drive. I'd feel like an unsexy failure if my boyfriend constantly had long talks with me about where he felt ... (read in full...)

I want her to know I love her but I don't want to pressure her

Q.   i have been with my girlfriend for just about a year now. she is 21 and i am 29. everything has been going very well. i love her and she says she loves me. we have a lot in common and always have fun. never fight. her family likes me and my family ...

A.   29 November 2014: Yes I think you should keep giving her space. Real space, as in you don't contact her unless she contacts you for a while. If she's not sure of her feelings, then she needs to really see what her life is like without you. Hopefully she will realise ... (read in full...)

Still trying at 38! Never been in a relationship

Q.   I am a 38 year old British male, I was wondering if anybody has any advice that works, I have never been in a relationship with a woman in my entire life. I have tried 12 different dating sites wasting thousands of pounds, I have been to speed ...

A.   25 November 2014: "I worry that prolonged abstinence from sex is not healthy for the mental state of a man with a healthy sex drive." Hmm, perhaps you're giving off a 'desperate for sex' vibe? Nothing kills a woman's attraction for a man quite like the idea tha... (read in full...)

My wife won't have sex with me anymore and won't tell me why not

Q.   I think the title says it all. We have been married for 7 years, together for 10 years, and the sex went from twice a night (which is normal in a honeymoon phase) to never over the course of 2 years. Over the last 5 years we have not had se...

A.   25 November 2014: "I am tired of women pinning their own idiosyncrasies on their lovers. Women are complicated and what gets a woman off on Saturday doesn't get her off on Wednesday." What would you suggest women do about this instead anon male? "After 5 year... (read in full...)

My wife won't have sex with me anymore and won't tell me why not

Q.   I think the title says it all. We have been married for 7 years, together for 10 years, and the sex went from twice a night (which is normal in a honeymoon phase) to never over the course of 2 years. Over the last 5 years we have not had se...

A.   25 November 2014: "None of the two of us were really understanding where the other was coming from" This lady's story is so common and sums up a lot of what can go wrong between long-term couples. At the beginning, both parties make a conscious effort to please t... (read in full...)

Confused, but better than most!

Q.   I have been married for 8 year and have known my wife for 10. I have a near photographic memory and remember many things that people tell me. 10 years ago I contracted an STD from my wife. She found out she had it from a medical checkup. No big ...

A.   24 November 2014: "She was the one that told me of her "innocence", I did not ask." It depends on what she means by innocence. I would say I was an innocent girl growing up because I was sheltered. When I left to move to uni I didn't know much about sex or anything... (read in full...)

My wife won't have sex with me anymore and won't tell me why not

Q.   I think the title says it all. We have been married for 7 years, together for 10 years, and the sex went from twice a night (which is normal in a honeymoon phase) to never over the course of 2 years. Over the last 5 years we have not had se...

A.   23 November 2014: There could be lots of reasons for her not wanting to have sex. She may not enjoy it (many women don't get any pleasure from intercourse, so it might be that it does nothing for her or she may even resent the fact you get pleasure while she gets ... (read in full...)

I found out my wife worked as a prostitute

Q.   I got married 6 months ago. After marriage i found out my wife i Was a prostitute im just shell shocked. I dont know how to cope with it? Im just gone mental. I told her how treeible im feeling roght now and i told her to end this marriage...

A.   22 November 2014: Hi OP. I'm guessing by your age, the dates and your location that you are the same man who has posted about this several times before? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-found-my-new-wife-on-an-escort.html If so, then it doesn't seem to ... (read in full...)

How can I tell in advance if a threesome will mess things up?

Q.   I'm unsure about whether or not to have a threesome (ffm) with my boyfriend. We have a solid relationship. Used to have some issues but we've worked through them. I know he would love to have one and I'm not closed off to the idea at all, I think it ...

A.   22 November 2014: Just think about the type of things that could happen if you do this. He could be giving her more attention because she's new and exciting, and you're left feeling like an extra. She could have some amazing tricks that drive him wild and you'd have ... (read in full...)

Didn't expect the father's reaction when I told him about the baby

Q.   I had a baby in September. i had gone through my entire pregnancy without telling anyone i was pregnant. in retrospect, it was kind of a bad idea but in my defense, i was terribly confused and overwhelmed. once i had the baby, my family became i...

A.   20 November 2014: OP you told him 3 days ago! You showed up out of the blue and dropped a life-changing bomb on him, then get mad because he isn't reacting the way you wanted him to? Yes I'm afraid you are being selfish - very much so. Give the guy space and time... (read in full...)

I had a feeling he was texting other girls, and he was! How do I approach this as it will reveal I went through his phone?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for 15 months. Recently I haven't been feeling the same, like I still love him but I get the feeling he doesn't. Things have changed a little over the weekend and I don't like the way it's going. I had a feeling he was ...

A.   17 November 2014: I would tell him I know he's been texting and meeting other girls (you don't need to explain how) and that you're leaving him. You can do so much better than this cheating coward - go and find someone who will treat you better.... (read in full...)

I told him its me or the weed ...

Q.   my boyfriend stopped smoking weed and recently he talked about starting back. but me on the other hand hate it and don't want to be around it. What should I do? I told him to pick me or weed and he says its up to me.. help!...

A.   16 November 2014: If it were me I'd cut my losses and find someone else who shares your views. I myself am really anti-smoking (weed and cigarettes) and I told my boyfriend that right upfront. He told me that wasn't an issue as he didn't do any of those things. ... (read in full...)

What does the word 'cute' mean to guys? To me, it means 'ugly but acceptable'!

Q.   Dear Auntz Me and my new boyfriend started dating a week ago and he keeps saying that im cute! I have always told myself that i will never date any guy that thinks i am cute, but here i am. I wish he would use the word beautiful instea...

A.   4 November 2014: To me, cute means you find that person attractive. Most young men I know would choose a word like cute or hot rather than beautiful, but they all effectively mean the same thing.... (read in full...)

Are these red flags? I'm nervous because of my past abusive relationship

Q.   Hello! I was previously in an abusive relationship, that ended around 4 years ago. I am now in a new relationship, and we've been together for 3 months. Because of my past abusive relationship I am now very cautious of "red flags", and I find some ...

A.   3 November 2014: Hi OP, I have a few thoughts on your post: 1. You shouldn't be trying to get random men to buy you drinks while you are in a relationship. Not because it makes you look like a prostitute, but because it might give them the wrong idea and that's n... (read in full...)

I want to get married at Disney World but he doesn't

Q.   I got engaged a few month ago and need some help. Since I was 10 I said I was going to get married at Disneyworld and I've never changed my mind. My fiance wants a big wedding here. I don't!! All we do I argue over it because I want to go to ...

A.   2 November 2014: This is going to require compromise on both sides to resolve it. For example, could you get married at home then go to Disneyworld for your honeymoon? To save money you could suggest a small/mid-sized wedding at home first instead of a huge one. ... (read in full...)

Do I have a chance? In love with my friend

Q.   so my problem is this i have met a guy on a dating site we had one date he said he liked me but hes not ready for a relationship yet so we agreed to be friends (we both came off the dating site) we have met up as friends and its like we have known ...

A.   2 November 2014: Why is he saying he's not ready for a relationship? To be honest, I think he's stringing you along while he sees what else is out there. It's not believable to me that he could say he expects to be ready by Christmas. What's going to have changed by ... (read in full...)

I cheated my girlfriend and she found out?

Q.   Ok so I've been dating my girlfriend Karen for two years, I'm 24 and she is 23. But about a month ago, I did the worst possible thing I could've done, I cheated on her with her best-friend Eva (not they real names). I knew that Eva had a thing for ...

A.   2 November 2014: If it were me I wouldn't have forgiven either of you. Perhaps it was a test/trap that you failed (strange to me but I know of girls who have done that before). OP you say you couldn't control yourself, but that's even worse for a girlfrie... (read in full...)

I'm in a badly sex-deprived long term marriage!

Q.   I've been married for 22 years, and feel terribly sexually starved by my partner. If I don't ask (often beg, demand or cajole) for sex, I'll almost never get it. Once I tried waiting for three months, to see if she would think of it. She didn't! ...

A.   30 October 2014: OP I'm sorry I've just read my posts back and I'm worried I've not been clear. I'm not at all suggesting that you should just accept a sexless marriage or that this is all your fault. If your wife refuses to have sex and is unwilling to discuss it ... (read in full...)

I'm in a badly sex-deprived long term marriage!

Q.   I've been married for 22 years, and feel terribly sexually starved by my partner. If I don't ask (often beg, demand or cajole) for sex, I'll almost never get it. Once I tried waiting for three months, to see if she would think of it. She didn't! ...

A.   30 October 2014: To the anonymous male, you are right to say that the OP has the right to have his needs met by his wife, but she also has the right to have hers met by him. She could just as easily turn around and say that until he meets her basic need of feeling ... (read in full...)

I'm in a badly sex-deprived long term marriage!

Q.   I've been married for 22 years, and feel terribly sexually starved by my partner. If I don't ask (often beg, demand or cajole) for sex, I'll almost never get it. Once I tried waiting for three months, to see if she would think of it. She didn't! ...

A.   30 October 2014: If she has virtually no sex drive, then she is likely to say you do want it 'all the time' if you're asking for it 3 times a week. In fact, I'm 29 and I'd say I have quite a healthy sex drive, and I think 3 times a week is quite good going when you ... (read in full...)

Heard rumors that she's a virgin. After dating for 5 months, how to bring up the topic of sex?

Q.   I have been dating this amazing girl for 5 months, I am 24 and she is 20. We get along great and connect very well, however in the time we have been dating the subject of sex (or anything remotely close to the subject) has not been brought up yet. I ...

A.   27 October 2014: Have you tried to bring it up with her at all? You say you're unhappy that she's not mentioned it, but it doesn't sound like you have either. Why don't you ask her if she wants to stay over at yours one night and see what she says? ... (read in full...)

Did hiring a escort make me look bad?

Q.   I'm doing an update since my post "I'm a 27 year old virgin, should I go hire an escort to experience sex?" (I'm 28 now)and have not post anything for few months. Well I hired a escort and done the deed, and I can my experience was not bad as ...

A.   25 October 2014: It would put me right off a man if he'd ever paid for sex, although there may be women out there that disagree. However, I think your biggest issue is still that you're too scared to put yourself out there and try to find a woman that likes you. Now ... (read in full...)

I gave an ultimatum to my boyfriend: start talking about your feelings or lose me.

Q.   So, i've been searching on google about giving ultimatums and all of them are related to getting married and stuff. Mine is way more simple. Basically, our stone in the path of our two year relationship has been his constant closure towards love and ...

A.   21 October 2014: I think you were a bit harsh on him, but at the same time I couldn't be with one of those people who just shuts down and refuses to speak when he is angry at me either. I expect the person I'm with to deal with these situations rather than letting ... (read in full...)

I need to smoke weed for medicinal purposes but my boyfriend doesn't like this!

Q.   I have a problem because i fell in love with a guy who thinks weed is bad and i need to smoke because i have nervous problems and severe depression and fibromyalgia pain all over my body. and when i smoke weed i dont feel sick or nervous i can eat ...

A.   19 October 2014: I don't think you can. If he's really against weed and you are going to continue to smoke it, then that's a deal breaker. My ex used to smoke a lot for his back pain (self-medicated) and I left him because of it, partly because it's illegal in the ... (read in full...)

I'm very hurt by this comment he made! What does he mean? Is this a brush-off?

Q.   I met my online friend last week which was amazing after being friends for a year. We hit it off and ther was a real connection both of us very attracted to the other. He has messaged me everyday since and we both miss each other so much already....

A.   14 October 2014: Maybe he is talking about the distance? As in he is finding it hard having feelings for you when you can't see each other often?... (read in full...)

What should I do to make our relationship stronger after I rejected him?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years. We are just getting back together after a rough break up. I initiate the break up but then I realize that's the biggest mistake I've ever made. He's going to propose and marry me next year and I ...

A.   12 October 2014: I think you have posted about this lots of times already (this chap also got a tattoo that you're not happy with, right?), and you've already had lots of great advice. Have you listened to any of that? It seems like you are upset that your boy... (read in full...)

Seven years?? Am I wasting my time waiting for my married lover to leave his wife and children?

Q.   I have left my husband but I have been involved with a married man for 7 years.I said I wanted a proper relationship but he said he can't leave his kids who are 15 and 17. We haven't really talked about our future it's like he lives for today yet ...

A.   12 October 2014: Yes they would have their own lives, that their DAD would always be a part of. Therefore, if you were to end up with him, whether you like it or not, you'd inherit the role of stepmum. As a mother yourself, do you really think that his kids wil... (read in full...)

My wife can't cope with me being a nude model.

Q.   I often see posts from guys saying their wife/gf wants to be a nude model or stripper and wondering how and if they can handle it, but I have the opposite problem, and I've not seen it here before. I'm a guy in his early sixties. For the past couple ...

A.   12 October 2014: I think that you should stop modelling nude, and perhaps try to be a clothed life model instead (I did art at school and they exist too). If it was something you had been doing before you met her, then it would be different, but since it's new, you ... (read in full...)

I miss her. She was my closest friend. How do I move on from the sadness I feel now that our affair is over?

Q.   I had an affair with another woman that lasted a very long time. Our affair lasted 12 years. It was the right thing to do for both of us. She is considerably younger than me and neither of us thought it would go on so long...but it just never ended ...

A.   12 October 2014: You can move on by focusing on your wife and repairing your marriage. You've been having an affair, and therefore you've not been giving your marriage 100%. Try to reignite that spark and see if you can fix whatever lead you to cheat in the first ... (read in full...)

Seven years?? Am I wasting my time waiting for my married lover to leave his wife and children?

Q.   I have left my husband but I have been involved with a married man for 7 years.I said I wanted a proper relationship but he said he can't leave his kids who are 15 and 17. We haven't really talked about our future it's like he lives for today yet ...

A.   12 October 2014: "I don't think his ex wife would want him at any family event if they were apart?" What about when his children have their 21st birthday parties, or graduate, or get married? What about when they have kids of their own and they have birthday... (read in full...)

Why would he want to be around me if he's going to act stressed in my presence ?

Q.   I'm seeing a guy and he seems to be stressed out when he's in my presence. I hang out with him at his request. He doesn't seem stressed while talking the moments before we see each other. I ask him if everything is ok, he says he's enjoying my...

A.   11 October 2014: Is it possible that he's a bit socially awkward in one on one situations? That could explain why his friend's presence allowed him to come out of his shell a bit, as it took the conversational pressure off him a bit. It might not be the case, bu... (read in full...)

I don't want him to give up his dream but I just found out I'm pregnant! How do I break the news?

Q.   Hi everyone. Ok I'm 30 years old and my OH is 32. We both are currently living separately at our parents houses while we save up to buy a house ourselves. Unfortunately.. New mortgage regulationss have just come in and now we have to up twice wh...

A.   11 October 2014: I think you will both need to adjust your dreams to make this work. Firstly, you really need to find somewhere to live. Saving to buy a house is a great goal, but unfortunately it's not likely to be achievable for you for the foreseeable future. ... (read in full...)

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