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*'llTryToHelp agony aunt

*'llTryToHelp

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Do people really change?

Q.   Is it a good decision to go back to an ex? Do you think the same mistakes can be repeated? or Do people really change? I hope u can help me ...

A.   18 June 2008: It depends on the mistakes! Is he cheating? Is he abusing you? Unless the Ex has recognized the mistakes he's made and is actively seeking help to work through it, then no, he won't change! Most men never go the distance. I'm sorry guys, but it's... (read in full...)

Should the child always come first before a relationship?

Q.   Should the child always come first before a relationship? I am dating a widowed guy with a kid who prefers to give up sex with me if his daughter (seven) wants to sleep in bed with us that night. He doesn't ask me if I mind first. Every major li...

A.   14 June 2008: What if she were your biological daughter? Think about it!! This is how you need to start thinking of her if you wish to marry this man! They're a package deal, honey! He isn't brushing you off! If you and he had a 7 yo daughter together and she ... (read in full...)

He seems to still love someone who rejected him years ago!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 7 months now. I love him very much, and I believe him when he says that he loves me too. However, recently he has been talking to other girls, arranging dates to meet up without telling me. I found ...

A.   14 June 2008: He certainly sounds confused and I'm afraid if it were me, I'd be very unhappy to feel as if I were in competition with some other girl he once knew. Arranging to meet up with other girls certainly doesn't sound like true love to me. It sounds l... (read in full...)

How do I get rid of this girl?

Q.   Ahhh! My friend is driving me nuts! She is so two faced and I dont trust her with anything, but behind my back she keeps calling me fridgid and flirts with my boyfriend (who tells me this) For example today they met with a few friends and she was ...

A.   8 June 2008: The best way to get rid of her is to ignore her and EVERYTHING she says. With friends like her, who needs enemies? I want to know why your BF allowed her to stroke his crotch! She's obviously VERY jealous of you and what you have so try to feel ... (read in full...)

I want to try anal with my girlfriend!

Q.   Hi, My problem is that I want to try anal sex with my girlfriend. But she doesn't want to do it. I said i wanted to try it because I haven't ever done it before. She has done it a 'few times' before with her ex boyfriend but she didn't like it. ...

A.   6 June 2008:  The ONLY problem you asked for advice on was her refusal to have anal sex with you. You made no mention of anything else such as "special" attention you feel she paid to him. First of all, she's with you now, NOT him. You're winning and can'... (read in full...)

I want to try anal with my girlfriend!

Q.   Hi, My problem is that I want to try anal sex with my girlfriend. But she doesn't want to do it. I said i wanted to try it because I haven't ever done it before. She has done it a 'few times' before with her ex boyfriend but she didn't like it. ...

A.   6 June 2008: Her answer to your request is as honest as she can get it, man! She's tried it, didn't like it and it has nothing to do with "opening Up" to you. I agree with the previous poster. Don't push it! Literaly and figuratively!... (read in full...)

My husband is making me have too many children!

Q.   I need some advice. I am 8 months pregnant with my 5th child. my other children are 7, 5, 4 and 18 months old. My husband works extremely long hours and spends every second week working in another state. I was done having children after our t...

A.   6 June 2008: I agree with the others! If you don't want anymore kids, it's more your decision than his because it's your body and you're the one being run ragged taking care of them. Why does he want so many if he's never there to spend time with them? I ... (read in full...)

Should I give my husband a second chance after he cheated and had a child behind my back?

Q.   March of this year was the worse month of my life. I found out my husband of 5 years, had cheated on me 3 years ago. During that affair they conceived a child. The child is now around 3 years old and I never knew anything about her. I received a l...

A.   4 June 2008: The new details you've added have changed my mind. You need to divorce his sorry ass, sue for child support and start a new life without him. Immeditately!!! He doesn't deserve you! You're also right about the other woman. She deserves... (read in full...)

Should I give my husband a second chance after he cheated and had a child behind my back?

Q.   March of this year was the worse month of my life. I found out my husband of 5 years, had cheated on me 3 years ago. During that affair they conceived a child. The child is now around 3 years old and I never knew anything about her. I received a l...

A.   3 June 2008: I know how devastating this is for you and my prayers are with you and your children. I agree, he's the scum of the earth. But also keep in mind that he most probably lied to her just like he lied to you. She possibly didn't know anything... (read in full...)

I have really bad BO! Why is that?

Q.   Why is it that after i take a shower i still smell? All over my body! Feet, underarms, and vagina? i have really bad body order! why is that! i take like 3-4 showers a day! ...

A.   3 June 2008: It definitely could be a medical problem. Our diet can play a part in how we look and smell so you might want to consider that. Sometimes different medications we take can effect your body odor in unpleasant ways, also. Do you think you smell or... (read in full...)

We think she's pregnant and don't know what to do!

Q.   Hello.. We think my girlfriend is pregnant and were not sure what to do. We had sex just about a week after her last period finished, She is now 2 weeks late on her next period. She is getting weird stomache aches nearly all the time and he...

A.   3 June 2008: STOP torturing yourself and go get a prenacy test. Please don't go for an abortion if she is pregnant. Have you ever heard of anyone saying that they were happy with that decision? It might take the pressure away for the moment but it alway... (read in full...)

My ex led me on, and now he tells me that he was just teasing me! I'm very hurt...

Q.   Hello all agony aunts I need some help in the current situation I'm in, my ex of almost a year who has a girlfriend (his ex) has now lead me on twice. The first time was back in feburary in which he almost kissed me and told me the old feelings have ...

A.   3 June 2008:  Wow, I know how much this hurts! Not just your feelings but you feel exposed and vulnerable now. Your pride is hurt, too! This happened to me once. I remember how I felt just like it was yesterday. (10 years ago) The important thing is... (read in full...)

Now he's in a relationship and I'm so confused!

Q.   Ok, my situation is fairly complicated so please try to read it all and understand it. Well, me and this lad have been friends for about 18 months now and we get on really, really well. He used to text me every single day, sometimes until the early ...

A.   3 June 2008: First of all, I'm sure you're a beautiful girl and he must think so, too. You should never say bad things about yourself. We're all beautiful in our own unique way. If all you've done for 18 months is text each other and he's made no attempt ... (read in full...)

Dilemma, this new man is lovely, but I'm worried he'll want me out of the way due to his ex!

Q.   The new man in my life i think is lovely. However he is seperated, and his wife who lives in her own house has found out and it threatening him financially. This has led to a stomach churning time for me thinking that he will want me out of the ...

A.   3 June 2008: cheshamite, I'm sure he's very stressed right now. There's no telling what she's saying to him or the threats she's making. Be sure not to give her anything she can use against him until the divorce is final... which is when? He is really ge... (read in full...)

When I ask him about us, he always says he wants things to stay as they already are - but I'm not happy with the little time we spend together!

Q.   im a 41 yr old woman, whose been in a 2 yr relationship with my bf, hes 60, we both been married and divorced with children from our marrages, his children are grown, but his younger son is still living with him, hes 18 and 2 of my children are ...

A.   3 June 2008:  You are ONLY 41 and I say that to make a point. You are still young and there are plenty of men out there that would love to spend time with you and plan a future with you. Lose the loser because that's what he is... Move on. It should b... (read in full...)

I suffer from a tremendous amount of guilt and shame for having sex before marriage! Will guys hate me?

Q.   I feel rather confused. I've always believed in God (Im a Christian/Anglican) but have never really been to church much but still believe in God and also the morals and values from my religion. To me thats the main thing that draws me to it, I ...

A.   3 June 2008: Girl, God forgave you a long, long time ago. Now you have to forgive yourself. Remember God made us exactly the way we are and knows each and every mistake we'll make during our life on earth. His love and approval is the only approval you shou... (read in full...)

He told me some awful things. Are all men like this?

Q.   Hi, ok I have a SERIOUS problem. I've been madly in love with my boyfriend over the past year or so and we are having a child together. I want to make an extremely long story short so here it goes...we've battled drugs, and sex together. We've ...

A.   3 June 2008: Oh and NO, all men are NOT like this!... (read in full...)

He told me some awful things. Are all men like this?

Q.   Hi, ok I have a SERIOUS problem. I've been madly in love with my boyfriend over the past year or so and we are having a child together. I want to make an extremely long story short so here it goes...we've battled drugs, and sex together. We've ...

A.   3 June 2008: Ok, I'm gonna jump in here and give YOU a little guidance, young lady. YOU ARE NOT HIS MOTHER! ASk yourself this VERY important question right now! Are you getting anything good from this relationship? From what you've typed here, the answer is ... (read in full...)

I cannot work out whether I really do bring out the worst in him and men in general as he said or whether these are signs I should leave!

Q.   My boyfriend and I had a really bad argument about our future (there is a lot of pressure surrounding finances and commitment etc)on holiday and it became physical. I threw a cushion at him and he shoved me and I fell on the floor. This hurt my ...

A.   3 June 2008: First of all, YOU have done nothing to cause him to act this way! If you do a little research on the internet or at the book store about abusers, the abuse, control and anger is always blamed on the victim. Don't for an instant think it's your ... (read in full...)

My problem is that she seems to believe that I am stupid!

Q.   A little background first. I am a 22 year old male dating a 20 year old single mother. He have known each other since High School and dated one for a short period of time. My problem is that she seems to believe that I am stupid. When asking about ...

A.   3 June 2008: First of all, she should be grateful that you're interested enough to ask questions and I commend you. Most guys are the opposite. What she is doing is considered verbal abuse. Anything someone says to us continually to demean us or make us fe... (read in full...)

His 'anger problem' escalated into a physical assault on me!

Q.   My boyfriend tried to kill me and I don't know what to do! We had stayed at a friends on Saturday night but I had went out for a little while, upon returning home on the Sunday my boyfriend started shouting and swearing at me for going out and le...

A.   3 June 2008: What do you think he'll do the next time you defy him? Say "That's OK, baby. You just go ahead and do whatever you want." He'll lose it again and again as long as you continue to take it.. Think long and hard about the effect this has had on ... (read in full...)

She said she's not looking for a relationship at the moment, does this mean she's not interested or just waiting to see how it goes?

Q.   hey everyone hope you all well need a bit of help .I went on a date the other day and it went good both had a laff and that when we were talking the day after she said "that she didnt want to lead me on and that she not looking for a releations...

A.   3 June 2008: From a female perspective, she's just not interested in you as a potential boyfriend but as just a friend. She likes you but not seriously for a relationship and she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Move on and date someone else. Good Luc... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is understanding, but my friends seem to keep pushing me to have sex with him. I'm not ready!

Q.   I've never really wanted to have a sexual relationship in any way - even kissing for long periods of time either seems boring or just plain gross. I much prefer to have an emotional relationship. However, I am very aware that this is practically ...

A.   3 June 2008: Ok, I had to answer this one. Are your friends always around when you're with your boyfriend? Don't you have alone time? Why is it your friends' business what you and your boyfriend do during your time together? You are not obligated to tel... (read in full...)

This girl wants me to come over, is that slutty?

Q.   I just recently started talking to this girl, we havnt hung out yet but she has already asked me to come over to her house, is that somewhat of a slutty thing to do? I really would like her to be my GF but it seems shes looking just for sex. Btw im ...

A.   3 June 2008: According to your question, she asked you over and it SEEMS she wants sex? What did she say exactly? She asked you over to her house too soon? You just started talking today? Yesterday? Last week? The word slutty in reference to a female a... (read in full...)

Had an affair, I'm trying to be a good husband, but I just don't want sex anymore!

Q.   I'm a man of 60 and have been married for 37 years, but I have committed the ultimate betrayal to my wife, I had an affair for 7 years, my wife found out about it about 18/19 months ago and I ended it straight away,since then I have tried to be a ...

A.   3 June 2008: YOU had an affair for 7 years that you ended only because you were discovered. Wow. And you want your wife to feel YOUR pain? How selfish is that? A 7 year affair is a bit more than a "stupid mistake". It was the ultimate betrayal of a marriage... (read in full...)

Why do they ejaculate on my belly? Is this normal?

Q.   I am on the pill and recently started having sex. Even though I am supposed to be safe, the boys I've been with still pull out and ejaculate on my belly. My friend tells me all guys like to do this. Is this normal? Is it necessary at all?...

A.   3 June 2008: No condoms? Have you ever heard of STD's, girl? The PILL doesn't protect you from those. You are NOT safe! Maybe you should be more worried about that than why they ejaculate on your belly. This is exactly how disease is spread. Be careful!... (read in full...)

I am worried about my wife's threats towards my friend (she thinks we have an affair), should I tell my friend or wait and see what happens?

Q.   My marriage has had its ups and downs for years, mainly,I admit,my fault,but we carried on. I have been with my wife(age 57)for 20 years,I am 61,we have one adult child. I met a woman of similar age,through work about a year ago, we built up a ve...

A.   3 June 2008:  I typed a whole bunch of stuff here that I knew I shouldn't say so I deleted it and started over. Here goes: If I were your wife, this is what I would do. I'd make sure the husband and family of your girlfriend knows exactly what's been goi... (read in full...)

Our relationship is progessing too quickly...

Q.   ok, I have a major problem here. My girlfriend and I are very close and recently our relationship has been accelerating at an unreasonable rate. I mean we haven't hardly dated that much and already she is interested in sexual activity (not ...

A.   2 June 2008: Jumping right into an intimate situation at the beginning of a relationship is definitely not wise and you are very mature for seeing this. Plus, you're both so young and there's plenty of time for intimacy. The biggest mistake people make in a... (read in full...)

My husband is changed on 180 degrees, acting cold and odd towards me lately. As I mentioned this to him he said I'm making things up!?

Q.   Looking for advice to become a stronger and wiser person. Here's my prob: I do believe that my husband of 1yr is cheating on me. Like any other couple, we have the ups and downs but things seem more of a down right now. He's been act...

A.   2 June 2008: Don't immediately assume he's cheating without some sort of proof. Men don't handle stress as well as women. They tend to internalize the real problem but it always comes out one way or another. Usually as frustration and lashing out at the one ... (read in full...)

I'm worried about the way my girlfriend's vagina looks may have something to do with her past!

Q.   I have a rather strange question to ask here... I am curious about vagina... I have been with a variety of different women (sexually), and up until recently I have always encountered generally the same type(ish) vagina... Usually tighter, snug, not ...

A.   2 June 2008: Every woman's vagina inside and out can and will look different. It's the same as a person's face with different eyes, nose, lips, ears. I'm sure every man's penis doesn't look exactly the same, either. Not the same size, length, color, straight... (read in full...)

Is this a medical issue or is it that my girlfriends have been satisfied quicker than I have?

Q.   Dear DearCupid, I have what feels a serious problem, I'm in love with this girl, we have been for nearly 2 years(in a relationship). We began to have sex in October last year. I love her so much; but a problem that we seem to have is that I can sa...

A.   31 May 2008: I want to say this first. You said you had the same problem with your previous girlfriend. I can't stress this enough! You need to be sure to accept the blame for this and not present it to your girlfriend in the same way you presented the problem ... (read in full...)

How do I deal with the fact that everyone I know loves my abusive ex bf?

Q.   How do i deal with the fact that everyone i know loves my abusive ex bf? They all think he is this great guy, caring, chamring, respectful and a good catholic guy. But hes not...it just really frustrats me. People would always say when we were ...

A.   31 May 2008:  This is how it always is with abusive people. They only show that side of themselves at home. I'm in the same situation and I understand the frustration you feel. I've tried to tell others about him but they really don't want to know or care. ... (read in full...)

She won't talk about sex and I'm extremely unhappy and thinking about ending the relationship.

Q.   Okay so I'm almost 18 and my girlfriend is 15 we have about a 2 year 9 month age difference and we have been going out for about 10 month now. Now on to the question I feel that I'm a very sexual person and I know she's a little younger then me and ...

A.   28 May 2008: This question has gotten allot of replies because of the subject matter but I'd like to add my 2 cents worth, also. Here are your options: BEST OPTION - # 1 1. Back off and leave her alone. It's more than obvious she's just not ready to hav... (read in full...)

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