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... Send *arshbutfair a private message | | | *arshbutfair's profile:Some people are going to hate what I say. But sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.
"Most people live lives of quiet desperation"
My advice is always intended to be harsh, but fair and helpful. I hope you enjoy and that it raises the occasional smile. Now get the hell out of my face. Choose life. |
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I'm receiving threats to tell about my secret relationship...
Q. Hi I am 23 muslim girl from Leicester living with my parents. Nowadays I am recieving withheld number calls and threatening text messages. I had a relationship without my parents' acknowledgement. Now a guy knows. He has threatened to ki...
A. 14 August 2005: You should report this to the police, sending threatening communications in the UK is a very serious offence. If there are threats to kidnap or kill, the police will help.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is shopping for another girl online... while we're still together...
Q. I recently found out that my boyfriend of seven years has been spending a lot of time on the local chat lines. He has also been on the internet and has an add running in all the online personals. He has never been an affectionate person,but in his ...
A. 13 August 2005: This is easy: Find yourself a new boyfriend. In fact, why are you even with him? Have you no respect for yourself?... (read in full...)
Big Question No. 2 How do I meet someone who will love me for who I am?
Q. I'm 24 and I've never had a boyfriend. I'm 6 stone overweight but am not unattractive and don't understand why I have such bad luck. I've tried all the diets and everything but none of it works. How do I meet a nice guy who'll love me for me? I ...
A. 10 August 2005: You are trying to apportion "luck" and your weight issue as being directly responsible for your lack of guys. Let me tell you something. I know people with cancer, with arthritis, with other chronic illnesses which they WISH they had a choice ... (read in full...)
We're so in love after only a month. What do we do next?
Q. Hi, I have met this guy on the net and we talk on the phone every day and send pics of each other. It's only been happening about a month this friendship and he lives say 5 hours or so away from me. We have so hit it off; we want to get marr...
A. 9 August 2005: This is fantasy! Pure fantasy! You ask: "What do do?". Meet this man. See if you get on. Take things from there. ... (read in full...)
He wants time to concentrate on his football. He doesn't even want me to text him!
Q. Where do I start? I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year, we've been on several holidays together, have talked about getting a mortgage together and just last week talked of getting engaged. He always tells me he loves me and he used to ...
A. 9 August 2005: I think you're being too overbearing. Give him some space. Don't speak to him ever day. You are suffocating him honey.... (read in full...)
When we go out I have to make all the overtures and keep the conversation going. It's starting to get me down...
Q. I am really interested in a guy I play volleyball in the same team with. I have just taken up 10 pin bowling and he is a very good bowler, we have been bowling a few times now but I can't get him to talk. He is shy, I am shy and I am making all the ...
A. 8 August 2005: Your bio-clock is not a thermonuclear bomb, therefore you do not HAVE to date this non-chatty, non-interesting chap. Why not date someone interesting instead?... (read in full...)
Need advice on my unaffectionate, cheating, Internet girlfriend... What to do?!
Q. Hey, I've been with my girlfriend for the past 7 months. We have struggled to keep are relationship alive due to third parties who keep trying to destroy are relationship. Basically, she has met a lad off the net, she told me she might have feeli...
A. 5 August 2005: I am struggling to see even the tiniest reason you would want to be with this girl. I suggest you ditch her before she makes a total fool of you. These kind of chicks are all over the net. So, switch off the Interweb. Go date real girls.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to try oral sex, but I can't get past my revulsion...
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and only in the last week or so, he's voiced his desire to attempt oral sex. The act has no appeal to me whatsoever and I am highly reluctant to attempt it. He says that whatever I decide w...
A. 31 July 2005: Suck it and see ?... (read in full...)
Do I tell my co-worker the way I feel and hope she'll leave her boyfriend for me?
Q. Six months ago my office hired a new administrative assistant. She is very beautiful and we hit it off great. As we got to know each other, I realized she was not just a pretty face, but that she had a great personality too. We talk on the phon...
A. 30 July 2005: First things first fella.. Make sure that her boyfriend is not capable of physically hurting you if you steal her from him (as would be his right). If that all checks out okay, I say that you should continue to try to seduce her, but not to the ... (read in full...)
My younger partner wants to go out with his friends when I can't! I worry that he'll find someone else...
Q. I am very much in love with my partner who is 11 years younger than me. We have been together for over two years! He is only 19, but mature for his age. I don't know what to do though, as he has started to go out all of the time with his friends,...
A. 28 July 2005: This relationship is doomed to fail I'm afraid. He will almost certainly meet someone younger, prettier and without a kid. Sorry to be harsh... But fair.... (read in full...)
Why would my boyfriend ignore my request that he not go with his friends to a strip club?
Q. Hi, I am 19 years old and a freshman in college. I am living at home this summer and my boyfriend is also living at his home. He informed me the other day that he and a bunch of pals (some I personally deem as immature) are going to take a trip to ...
A. 19 July 2005: Sweet-heart, YOU are on the route to dumpsville. You're not married, you're not engaged and ALREADY you're badgering your poor fella and telling him what he can and can't do. The human body is pretty beautiful and sexy (well, on some people). Why ... (read in full...)
I'd like his friends to be my friends, too, but will that look odd?
Q. I want to be friends with my boyfriend's friends but I don't want to make it seem like I'm flirting with them. Everytime we're in a group, I go silent because I don't really know any of his friends. I'd like to get to know them but I only com...
A. 9 June 2005: You're putting way too much thought into this. Just take it easy whenever you see them.... (read in full...)
Is my online "relationship" ok?
Q. I am 28, single and have been emailing a guy in the USA who I "met" through an internet chat room a few months ago. We don't talk sexually at all, we talk intelligently about all kinds of things, but mainly about life, our thoughts and feelings ...
A. 6 May 2005: If you meet you you should prepare yourself to be disappointed. Trust me, I've been there. Don't become obsessed with this guy or think he's your soul mate, enjoy it for what it is: A bit of harmless fun.... (read in full...)
What happens if you wee during sex?
Q. What happenes if the women or man pees while having sex?...
A. 27 April 2005: A man's willy is pretty much setup to make that impossible... Or at least make it very hard and require determined effort to urinate with an erection. Plus it's impossible to aim.... (read in full...)
Want to ask her out, but I don't know what to do or say!
Q. Think I'm falling in love with a girl who I have known for 13 years. She's always been there for me and I really want to ask her out but I don't know what to do or say. Please help me...
A. 26 April 2005: My guess is you are heading for a disappointment. 13 years and you haven't asked her out... !? Crikey. Let me help you out here, with the exact wordage you should use: "Do you like me, sex-wise?".... (read in full...)
Boys don't want to kiss me... Is it because I'm a tomboy?
Q. No boys fancy me and when I do go out with a boy they never want to do anything......I don't want to have sex but a kiss every once in a while would be nice. I am 12 and a tomboy, do you think this is why boys never want to do anything with me ...
A. 26 April 2005: You are still pretty young... You'll hate me for this but it's true: Just concentrate on having fun as a kid and leave dating/kissing/holding hands until you're 16+. Seriously.... (read in full...)
I'm cheating on my husband, now I've started cheating on my lover. Why?
Q. Hi, I have been married for 15 years and I have been having an affair for the past 7 yrs. Now I started having a fling with another guy. Why do I do these things? I have a wonderful husband but still seek these flings. Why? I am always attracte...
A. 25 April 2005: Low self esteem? Sex addiction? Thrill seeking? At least you are living a full life!... (read in full...)
We're attracted to each other, but she wants to keep us a secret...
Q. A while ago I met a girl. We're really good friends, so it seems and we spend a lot of time together; the time we spend together is extraordinary! A month ago we admitted we were attracted to one another. I'm open about my sexuality but she isn't. I...
A. 25 April 2005: Be patient as long as you can, coming out about her sexuality is likely to be a huge deal to her.... (read in full...)
We agreed she can see her fling once a week & our sex life has improved. Just wondering if it's normal...
Q. My wife is 53 and I am 55 and children have left. My wife's behavior has changed since she went on a residential weekend where she had a fling with a much younger man. After a lot of discussion I have told her that it is OK and she reassured me it ...
A. 23 April 2005: Boy this is a tough one. To even things out you need to find YOURSELF some young totty to have fun with. Only once a week would be OK to start with. And probably on the same night as your wife gets her weekly fill.... (read in full...)
How to break up with violent man?
Q. I am having a hard time breaking it off with my boyfriend of 3.5 years. He is potentially violent and avoiding him does not seem to work. He shows up every where I go and ends up knocking on my window in the middle of the night. I try to keep his ...
A. 20 April 2005: Tell your male friends what is happening. Call the police. Get people to look out for you.... (read in full...)
How to get closer to my new friend?
Q.
I have recently joined a new sports club and have met a woman who I like a
lot - we get on well, always laugh together and never run out of things to
say. I find myself very attracted to her and cannot get her out of my head
(this is very ...
A. 20 April 2005: Ask her to meet for lunch one day. That keeps it friendly. If things go well, invite her for dinner. Carry on from there.... (read in full...)
I proposed then self destructed that very night!
Q.
dear cupids arrow, I have to admit ive never been one to commit myself to any one person even though the idea of a monogamous relationship is really what ive craved for a long time. The problem is that just when I decide to commit myself to a ...
A. 20 April 2005: You're not ready to get married yet. Simple as that. Over time you will grow up, but cancel the engagement and chill out.... (read in full...)
I'm thinking of having an affair
Q.
I've been married for 10 years, and with my husband for 15. While we are great friends and generally have a good life together, from my point of view our sex life has never been great, although from his, its fine. I'm 42 and my husband is 41. it ...
A. 20 April 2005: Have the affair. Keep it a secret. See how you feel about it.... (read in full...)
I am worried about my boyfriend who is at Uni
Q.
My boyfriend and I have been together for six months, we've always had
a very loving, secure and happy relationship,although there is a long
distance between us and have made every opportunity to spend time
together, we are both in our early ...
A. 20 April 2005: Don't let him leave uni for you. You need to find other things to fill your life other than your boyfriend and your constant worries about him. Friends Interests Career Activities etc. Your boyfriend should be just one item on the list. ... (read in full...)
She's beautiful and I told her so, but is that going to be a problem?
Q. Hi, Today at college I was stood near an emergency exit door and my friend said to me to open the door and I said OK not realising that there was a girl who me and my friend like stood on the other side. I nearly bumped her into the door and sh...
A. 19 April 2005: How would you feel if one of the hot girls at your college told you, straight to your face, that she thought you were pretty good looking and kinda hunky. Pretty good, huh? Well I guess she'll feel the same way. I wouldn't make a habit of it t... (read in full...)
Girls: Do you prefer sensitive guys or muscly show-offs ?
Q. Dear GIRLS!!! I have a theory about the type of guys you like and need some advice. I think that most girls when they are in their teenage years prefer muscly, jerky show-offs, and then adults prefer sensitive guys. I'm pretty sensitive, and I ...
A. 18 April 2005: Stay sensitive but BUILD SOME MUSCLES. One year down the gym, training hard and eating well and you'll look better, feel better, still be sensitive and be much more attractive to the ladies. Don't worry about getting massive, you will only do that ... (read in full...)
Can't understand why the girl I like has ' warm' moods and 'cold' moods with me...
Q. There's this girl at work which I really like. She has one of the sweetest smiles around & she usually gives me this special looks (the way she stares at me) which in my opinion shows that she's interested in me. Every time she stares at me & when ...
A. 18 April 2005: Yes she is playing games with you and YES that's how a lot of girls are. Just keep things cool, don't lose your head OR let her into yours. If things develop, then all well and good. Good luck, kiddo. You'll need it.... (read in full...)
Is a cancer compatible with a libra?
Q. I'm a cancer, and my boyfriend is a Libra. He is 9 years younger than me. Are we compatible?...
A. 18 April 2005: In a word: Yes. Astrology is a nonsense, not a science.... (read in full...)
Should I ask my daughter's teacher out?
Q. Hi, I am 28 years old and a single parent looking after my 4 year old daughter. In September this year my daughter started school and I am attracted to her teacher but I am not sure if she is single, although I do know she is not married. I d...
A. 18 April 2005: Yes, ask her out otherwise you will be tortured by this forever. If your daughter was older and at the state where EVERYTHING embaresses her, it would be different.... (read in full...)
My divorced catholic girlfriend refuses to have sex
Q.
I AM 57 AND I HAVE GOT QUITE FRIENDY WITH A WOMAN WHO IS THE SAME AGE AS ME, WE WERE BORN THE SAME YEAR, I WAS BORN IN AUGUST
MY LADY FRIEND WAS BORN IN OCTOBER, SHE IS A DIVORCIE AND UNFORTUNATLY SHE IS A CATHOLIC, WE HAVE BECOME VERY CLOS...
A. 18 April 2005: Sometimes you just can't change people. It's sad, but explain the predicament to her and move on.... (read in full...)
My husband has found a new soul-mate
Q.
I am sure this has happened many times before with other couples. We find that after a 35year marriage, we have drifted in so much as he has found a new mate who shares his passionate sporting interest.
They have been aware of each othe...
A. 18 April 2005: You are on the right tracks. Start building up YOUR life. Your friends, your interests, your sports, your male friends... That way, IF the relationship burns up - you won't be sat at home each day wishing things were different.... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend just using me?
Q.
I met my new boyfriend via an on-line dating agency. He lives 200 miles away. However, both of us have retired early so have few time commitments. We met for the first time just over a week ago when he stayed with me for the weekend. We got on ...
A. 18 April 2005: Yes, I agree. He is using you. But while you still get some comfort out of the arrangement, what harm in continuing?... (read in full...)
I have run out of things to say to my boyfriend
Q.
I have been seeing my current partner for about 18 months now and i am finding making conversation very hard. I think it is putting strain on our relationship!!
Also i am a very jelous person, how do over come this??
...
A. 18 April 2005: Maybe you need more interests in your life other than your partner? Then you would have more to talk about, and you won't be so sad when the relationship ends.... (read in full...)
Is my ex girlfriend using me? Have I done the right thing?
Q.
A year ago this past Saturday my girlfriend left me and moved out of our house into her own flat.
The relationship for the past 4 months prior to that wasn't good and it was inevitable she would leave. Now her reasons behind this were that...
A. 18 April 2005: She probably is using you, but you are also using her. If you are happy with the situation I would keep the status-quo. Use your internal happy-o-meter to guide you on this one.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has not told his ex about us
Q.
Dear Cupid,
I am totally in love with a wonderful Man. We have been together for a year this month and are now living together in a flat rented by me while we do up a bungalow nearby that he has bought with a view of us moving into it toge...
A. 18 April 2005: "Let it go". You just need to give him time. ... (read in full...)
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