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... Send *arshbutfair a private message | | | *arshbutfair's profile:Some people are going to hate what I say. But sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.
"Most people live lives of quiet desperation"
My advice is always intended to be harsh, but fair and helpful. I hope you enjoy and that it raises the occasional smile. Now get the hell out of my face. Choose life. |
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Tell me when to worry about porn...
Q. How often is too often for a man who's been in a relationship for three years to watch adult movies? When should girlfriends be concerned and when to break up...after watching porn do men wish they had more than they do...can it eventually lead to ...
A. 7 December 2005: To the lady who thinks porn is sexual violence and hate towards women... Wrong! Most guys who watch porn love chicks.... (read in full...)
Will the hormones in the Pill affect my body development?
Q. Hello everyone! I am new here and this is my first post. I am trying to find out more about estrogen and testosterone a still changing body. I am mature for my age (I am 15 in May) and have the biggest boobs in my year, (I get quite a lot of s...
A. 7 December 2005: Talk to your doctor - she will be able to tell you the ins and outs.
Also if you are using "pull out" method as birth control you're playing russian roulette. The penis leaks semen when erect even before ejaculation and it's enough to make you... (read in full...)
I have this strange lump on my genital area-and I'm embarrassed
Q. Dear Cupid, This isn't especially a question about sex, but I'm really worried about my 'body' and could use some reassurance. Well, about two weeks ago, I noticed a lump between my anus and my vagina. I was pretty freaked out so I had a look on th...
A. 5 December 2005: Talk to your mom and ask her to take you to the doctors. Embarrasment is a strange thing. It just ebbs away as you get older. A doctor will have seen thousands and thousands of willies, fannies (the front-bottom for you americans), bottoms, old ... (read in full...)
I went too far in my sexual exploration and now my girlfriend says she's lost trust in me!
Q. Ok so tonight I was in a horny mood and it was overwhelming me. My g/f, who I dearly love and plan to marry, wasn't really in the mood. We were sitting there and I started kissing and licking at her stomach and then began to move up to her ...
A. 5 December 2005: If this chick is your girlfriend you shouldn't NEED to ask permission. You should just gauge her reaction and mood and go with the flow. I'd say SHE has the problem here and if you marry her you're stuck until you get a divorce. I'm guessing that ... (read in full...)
Could I have contracted HIV when a colleague grabbed my hand?
Q. Hi I need some serious advice and some light on this subject. I just found out that a collegue of mine has HIV, and she told me that she is taking all the medication, I have become so paranoid about it that its driving me insane, obviously I know...
A. 30 November 2005: Chances of you contracting HIV from what you have described sound like 1-in-one-million but to put your mind at rest why not have an HIV test or talk to your doctor?... (read in full...)
What's wrong with condoms?
Q. I have recently found out that guys dont like to wear condoms by experience. Why is this?...
A. 26 November 2005: It's ruder, nastier, messier and lazier without condoms. Plus it feels better. That's guys for you. Harsh. But fair.... (read in full...)
Is sex always this... messy?
Q. Me and my girlfriend had a very active sex life. We decided to change from using condoms to her going on the pill so there would be no delay when we were in the mood. Unfortunately it seems to have had the opposite effect. The main reason is f...
A. 5 October 2005: This is actually a great question! Remember that you don't HAVE to shoot your load inside her. If you want to save her a five minute clean up and spending the night on "the wet patch", aim for her boobs or belly every now and then. Or even neater, ... (read in full...)
No more joking and fun, my boyfriend's gone all obsessive about me...
Q. Help me. I have been with my bf for 1 month now and I feel like he is suffocating me. Everything was going really well until last weekend. He said he loved me. Ahhhh... I feel he has changed and he is no longer jokey with me and he is all ...
A. 5 October 2005: Simple: Yes. Good luck.... (read in full...)
I think he's interested in me, but I don't know how to get beyond our professional acquaintance...
Q. Dear Cupid I recently joined my local gym, and have also taken up Personal Training sessions. My Personal Trainer and I have been talking a lot more during our sessions, and I have grown to really like him. At times he seems interested in me...
A. 4 October 2005: This guy probably screws 50% of all the female clients he sees. So, hey... Why not join the club?... (read in full...)
Is there anything wrong with thinking about someone other than my partner when I'm pleasing myself?
Q. I need to know if it is normal for me to have sexual fantasies about men other than my fiance. When I am alone, and *ahem* pleasing myself, I sometimes think of someone other than my fiance. It's not someone I know well or see all the time. I don't ...
A. 3 October 2005: Nothing wrong. Next question... (read in full...)
Do I stay in my bad relationship, or make a break and hope the love is as strong as I think it is with my online woman?
Q. I have been in a bad relationship for 14 years and about 4 months ago I fell in love with a girl online that lives in another country. About 3 weeks ago the online girl was diagnosed with ovarian cancer...I had been contemplating staying in my bad ...
A. 3 October 2005: This is going to sound terribly harsh, but I have heard of this happening before... Unless you have absolute proof that your online girl IS who she says she is and DOES have cancer... Treat it with a pinch of salt. Even for me this is harsh but I ... (read in full...)
My online girl and I fell for each other, but then her mum found out...
Q. I met a girl online and we hit it off from the start. We would talk like every day for hours on end. I really fell for her (we never met) but the thing is, she is only 14 and I'm 19. The age doesn't bother me. We agreed on waiting till she was older ...
A. 2 October 2005: This is madness. Seriously, I would suggest two things. 1: Stay off the Internet for a bit. It's a great tool but easily abused. 2: Stay away from young girls. This chick is 14... 14!!! 3: Get out, meet girls your own age. There is only one thing ... (read in full...)
Three in a bed and we were all drunk. I swear I thought it was my boyfriend touching me!
Q. I have done a really bad thing and I just don't know what to do! The other night my Boyfriend of 4 and a half years and myself stayed with one of our very close male friends. We shared his bed, which we have done before. I was in the middle. We w...
A. 27 September 2005: This is easy. Lots of silly things happen when people are drunk and in many ways you're lucky it ended when it did. In the future do not share a bed with other males, and if you do, sleep on the OUTSIDE not the middle.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is almost perfect, except for hairy nipples...
Q. I have started dating a lovely girl. Perfect in almost every way except, she has quite hairy nipples. It's fine to say I should just ignore this little problem. However, how do I suggest that she might want to get rid of the hairs, without seeming ...
A. 26 September 2005: You could pull them out with your teeth (the hairs, not the nipples) next time you're in that area?... (read in full...)
Walked in on my husband with the Page Three girl and I need reassurance that all men do this...
Q. I know all men masturbate and have had numerous conversations with my Partner about this, he always said he never did it if I was in the house. Recently I was still quite sleepy so he got up to have a shower. I decided to get up shortly after and ...
A. 23 September 2005: Sometimes guys feel so horny they could BURST. Seriously! He probably just wanted to jerk off so he could relax, sleep well, and not have to pester you for sex if you were already napping. I wouldn't make a huge deal of it.... (read in full...)
Should I make a move on the hot, funny and intelligent guy I work with?
Q. I have a bf have been with him for three years in November but I am not sure how I feel about him anymore because I find he is too controlling and we have not much in common. I just started a new job and have met this new really gorgeous, funny, i...
A. 23 September 2005: Liz - you are either very brave and right or very foolish. Please keep us updated and whatever happens, good luck.... (read in full...)
Should I make a move on the hot, funny and intelligent guy I work with?
Q. I have a bf have been with him for three years in November but I am not sure how I feel about him anymore because I find he is too controlling and we have not much in common. I just started a new job and have met this new really gorgeous, funny, i...
A. 22 September 2005: You are in danger of becoming a bunny-boiler. Sorry.... (read in full...)
She thought I was getting stalker-ish, but I just wanted to talk to her...
Q. I was trying to talk this girl at school, but in a week of me trying to talk to her, it turned into her thinking I was following her too much. I wrote her a note saying I was sorry and she said that it was okay, but to just not follow her. What ...
A. 21 September 2005: Keep clear. You have scared her so just keep your distance and move on!... (read in full...)
I'm apparently not "the one" my boyfriend is looking for, but he wants me to stick around anyway...
Q. I have been seeing my boyfriend for 3 months. We met on the internet and hit it off straight away. We have loads in common and everything is fantastic. We both agree on this! But after 4 dates he told me I wasn't 'the one'. We carried on seeing e...
A. 21 September 2005: I tend to agree with Bev, I have shared houses with guys who treat their girls like this. They have a few that they keep on the "back-burner". Slow cook, you might say. They have them round, maybe make love to them -- but not too often. But they ... (read in full...)
Could my pubic hair be off-putting to guys, even though it's tidy?
Q. I have pubic hair insecurities. I am an attractive 23year old girl who is confident with my body, however I am afraid that my pubic hair could be unattractive! I know this sounds dumb, but how important is it to a guy? I wax my bikini line to k...
A. 21 September 2005: It's no big deal! If it's brazillianed and kinda neat, then you've done better than the majority (I'm guessing, but maybe I've been unlucky) of other girls who just go au-naturel.... (read in full...)
I've never had a long-term relationship. Is it because they want sex?
Q. I'm 18 and a virgin and also never had a girlfriend. I am always meeting with girls and dating them, I always decide not to rush into things too quickly, so I never become bf/gf with someone over night. I never make the first move and I never sugg...
A. 20 September 2005: Forget the Internet dating and meet girls in Real Life. Pops is right. Get yourself *involved* in something and meet girls, talk to girls, have a laugh with girls. Try and kick the porn habit or at least cut back. Trust me it ain't taught you ... (read in full...)
I don;t want to hurt my girlfriend's feelings, but I just don't feel the way I used to!
Q. Hi I am 22 years old and recently went overseas for a year to study. My girlfriend and I were very close before I left and now that I am back, we still are. The problem is that for some reason I just don't feel the same way as I used to before I...
A. 20 September 2005: Sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind... Or harsh, to be fair. Good luck, you know that the best thing is to split rather than drag this out.... (read in full...)
My boss and I had a relationshp that went sour. Now I don't have a job...
Q. Me and my married employer formed a relationship. Afterwards he kept changing his mind as to whether or not he wanted a future with me. I decided to just apologise for any upset so he would employ me for the next 1 years contract. He switched and ...
A. 20 September 2005: You could probably take him to an employment tribuneral if he has sacked you. Your local citizens advice bureau or equivalent could probably help you. Although, you have probably ruined your chances at the company by persuing your relationship ... (read in full...)
Oh no... I got drunk and had sex with my brother!
Q. I am twenty nine years old. Last summer my ex husband had the kids away on holidays and I went to stay with my brother for a couple of days. His wife and kids were away. We went to a party and we both drank a lot, when we came home we drank a bottle ...
A. 19 September 2005: Make sure it never happens again. You're gonna have to take it to the grave sweetie. Everyone has a secret or two that will die with them... Welcome to yours.... (read in full...)
My fiance won't marry me until I'm clinically obese!
Q. I am 24 and my fiance is 28. He has delayed our wedding until I become clinically obese. He said to me that he wants a clinically obese bride (me) at our wedding. I tried talking to him about it, but to no avail. What is going on with him...
A. 17 September 2005: Good grief, you have a "feeder" on your hands. He won't stop until you're bedridden. Try a google search.... (read in full...)
Should I finish with my lying, cheating, no good partner?
Q. Should i finish with my partner he lies all the time and i cant trust him we have been together 10 months and i just dont trust him he goes to womans houses when we split goes out and says oh look here shes nice but not as good as you please help i ...
A. 15 September 2005: YES you should finish with him! Just becaues he's the first person you had sex with is NO reason to stick with this lying, no-good pond-life.... (read in full...)
Fallen for my ex's best mate... He doesn't want to hurt his friend!
Q. I have very recently broken up with my boyfriend of nearly 18 months. I love him very much but the chemistry has gone and I no longer feel attracted towards him. I know this because I have fallen for someone else, and it just so happens this someone ...
A. 15 September 2005: This is really a problem for your ex's mate, not you. He needs to do what he believes is right by his friend.... (read in full...)
Worried my big sister's new MSN contact I chatted to will turn stalker!
Q. hi, im 14 years old and i dont chat in chat rooms or msn very much but my big sis does. her and i share an msn account bcoz we usually know the ppl we both talk 2. but i went on msn yesterday and there was a new contact, a 22 yr old guy from london ...
A. 13 September 2005: You must tell your older sister exactly what happened. You have done NOTHING wrong. She needs to know. This guy could be a mentalist.... (read in full...)
We're both straight and we don't have gay feelings for each other... but I feel almost "lovestruck" about him!
Q. I am a 20 year old single straight guy and am confused about my friendship with my (male) best-friend. We always have a good laugh together, enjoy each others' company, share problems etc. etc, and I feel like I can speak openly with him about ...
A. 13 September 2005: Great answer from Pops. As time goes on you will both find girlfriends but hopefully you will keep the closeness and the friendship you have developed. Keep it platonic! Maybe take some time apart, too.... (read in full...)
What can I do about unwanted erections?
Q. I get erections all the time and it gets bothersome when we are just hugging. What can I do to calm things down?...
A. 13 September 2005: Sounds like you're pretty young kidda. Just enjoy it while you can this stage in your life will pass. Maybe it's not such a bad thing to be getting erections at the drop-of-a-hat anyway!... (read in full...)
I started to go down on him and he said "Don't bother"...
Q. I just started dating this guy. We fooled around for the first time the other night and when I went down to return the favor he told me not to bother because he's only gotten off twice like that with his ex-girlfriend. I hesitated to ask if he's ...
A. 9 September 2005: Sometimes handjobs and blowjobs just don't cut it for a guy. That's the way it works, for around 25% of all guys I'd say. Rather than let you waste 10 or more minutes totally unproductively he helped you avoid lockjaw or tennis elbow. Hey, this ... (read in full...)
Those long, blonde hairs around the house aren't mine... so whose are they?
Q. I have been in a relationship with a great guy for just over 9 months. He is often out working around the city we live in. We hardly ever have sex although I have pretty much adjusted to that. However recently I have found several long blond ha...
A. 8 September 2005: He's cheating on you because you don't have sex. Sorry to say it, but it's probably true :-(... (read in full...)
Our relationship is in trouble, but I want to fix it. Can it be saved?
Q. My relationship with my girlfriend is going bad to the point we will most likely break up. I want to fix it, but she does not seem like she wants to. Can it still be fixed?...
A. 7 September 2005: NO!... (read in full...)
After his cybercheating and tantrum, I just want him to leave!
Q. I have a man in my life whom I naively and stupidly thought, loved me. Much of his actions do not coincide with true love..I am finding he's very selfish. I thought I loved him but now I feel he may be a controlling man and is taking advantage of my ...
A. 29 August 2005: Classic symptoms of narcissism. Try a search on google.... (read in full...)
Should I give up on my emotionally barren husband?
Q. I have been married for 12 years. My husband is practally very suportive but emotional and intimately barren. He is also verbally abusive and threatens physical violence. He has a bad temper and easily erupts. Two years ago I had a brief liaison ...
A. 26 August 2005: One word: Yes!... (read in full...)
I'm feeling so needy and pathetic... Help!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend with 9 months, and as we are at seperate universities, we have a long distance relationship, except in the holidays. We normally get on really well, and were best friends before. But recently i've been feeling very ...
A. 26 August 2005: Sounds like with you feeling this way, a break is the very best thing that could have happened to you. It may help you to gain some lost perspective over your love and life.... (read in full...)
My wife is having affairs
Q.
My wife has just told me she has had two affairs while abroad visiting her family. I have always been sure she was unfaithful, and as a result I have had a few one night stands.I also get excited when thinking of her with another man. She has ...
A. 26 August 2005: Sounds like she is a sex addict. Also sounds like your marriage is over. Maybe file for divorce?... (read in full...)
Things aren't good with my boyfriend, but do I take a chance on the new guy..?
Q. My bf does not know how to show affection or how to recieve it. I have spent 9 months trying to show him how, but nothing has come of it. Now I've met a 28 yr old who seems so perfect, and I'm so attracted to him but I'm 17. Is the age gap too big,...
A. 17 August 2005: You have a THIRD way. Ditch your current boyfriend. You say he "does not know how to show affection or how to receive it", yet you are still with him? Why not try being single?... (read in full...)
Am I just the 'back-up girlfriend' in case things don't work out with is new girl?
Q. Hi, my ex just moved away from me...really far to try and make things work with someone else. His new chick does not know that we kept in contact after breaking up. One minute he says he will always love me and that I mean the world to him still and ...
A. 15 August 2005: In a word... Yes. You're on the "back-burner", simmering away hon. Forget about him.... (read in full...)
If he's not ready to agree to another child, how bad would it be to trick him?
Q. Hi, I have three children, (36) husband is (42). I told him I want another, my youngest set of twins just turned 6. I feel I waited enough time, he used to say financially he didn't know. We are doing fine now. I think he is just stalling. I'm ...
A. 15 August 2005: Tricking him would be awful. Terrible.... (read in full...)
I'm receiving threats to tell about my secret relationship...
Q. Hi I am 23 muslim girl from Leicester living with my parents. Nowadays I am recieving withheld number calls and threatening text messages. I had a relationship without my parents' acknowledgement. Now a guy knows. He has threatened to ki...
A. 14 August 2005: You should report this to the police, sending threatening communications in the UK is a very serious offence. If there are threats to kidnap or kill, the police will help.... (read in full...)
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