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... Send *arshbutfair a private message | | | *arshbutfair's profile:Some people are going to hate what I say. But sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.
"Most people live lives of quiet desperation"
My advice is always intended to be harsh, but fair and helpful. I hope you enjoy and that it raises the occasional smile. Now get the hell out of my face. Choose life. |
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Two women! One likes sex... the other one doesn't. Who do I choose?
Q. hi ive been with my girlfriend for 10 years and we planned to buy a house and settle down together, the only problem was there was little or no sex, ive recently met someone and ive fallen for her and the sex is amazing. i could make a life with ...
A. 28 February 2006: Easy, the girl with the sex. Anything else would be foolish, and you will cheat on your no-sex girl.... (read in full...)
I'm 16-he's 31...we're so happy together..how do we get other's to see it that way?
Q. I'm 16 and have known this 31 year old guy for about a year now. At first, I wasn't at all attracted to him, but as I got to know him, I realized how much I enjoyed being around him. As the summer went on and I got to know him better, I really ...
A. 26 February 2006: Yet again GLForever (the "GL" stands for "girl love", as I understand) pops up with advice congratulating and justifying middle-aged men dating young girls. His arguments can surely be seen for what they are... I am bemused as to what he does in ... (read in full...)
My online guy popped up after an absence, but all he wants to chat about is meeting up and sex!
Q. Hello, I am wondering what to do in this (long) situation I am currently in. I met this guy online a few months back. We talked maybe like five times a week for the first month, then after that it was like once a week (if that) and it was real ...
A. 26 February 2006: This has "danger!, danger!, warning!, perve-alert!" written all over it. My suggestion is to turn off the internet, and get out there and meet guys who you talk to face to face and get to know. Seriously.... (read in full...)
She's 16, living with and sleeping with a 28 year old man!
Q. My daughter is dating a 28yearold man she id only 16 years old they have been together for 7 months and have come to me and told me that they have been having sex and are deeply in love about 5 months ago i let her move in with him what should i do?...
A. 21 February 2006: Some of the answers here are DUMB. Who are you guys? Morons?
Age of consent differs all over the world, so before everyone gets on their "high-horse" and starts invading Iraq or publishing badass cartoons, lets take a deep breath. In most of ... (read in full...)
He's told me that "we're going to sleep together" on Saturday. Should I?
Q. I have a problem. There's this guy I've known for about 4 years. We have been on and off for ages, usually when he has a girlfriend, but we've never slept together. Now, he's breaking up with his girlfriend and we've been flirting outrageo...
A. 21 February 2006: Thanks sweetie. Let us know how you get on.... (read in full...)
I wish my boyfriend would just take his time when he touches me. Right now, it isn't a turn on at all!
Q. When my boyfriend tries to finger me it really hurts. (This is the most sexual activity I've paricipated in.) The first time it was OK, but it didnt turn me on at all. And the second time it hurt. I told him to stop, which he did of course. I feel...
A. 20 February 2006: Just talk to him. He'll only learn if you tell him. Guys also tend to have a fascination with penetration that needs to be "un-learnt".... (read in full...)
He's told me that "we're going to sleep together" on Saturday. Should I?
Q. I have a problem. There's this guy I've known for about 4 years. We have been on and off for ages, usually when he has a girlfriend, but we've never slept together. Now, he's breaking up with his girlfriend and we've been flirting outrageo...
A. 20 February 2006: Do whatever feels right. One observation: He sounds like an arrogant chap. Maybe this is a good thing, maybe not.... (read in full...)
Does he care?
Q. Can you tell me if this is the way a caring partner should be. I had been looking forward to going out all week but last night it went wrong. We went to pick up a friend and I felt unwell so we had to get the taxi to take me home. My boyfrien...
A. 11 February 2006: I think Smeedle's advice here is spot on.... (read in full...)
He proposed... But made it sounded like his friends *persuaded him* to keep with me!
Q. Ok, I REALLY would like some advice before I marry my fiance. I am 23, and he is 26. We've been together for 3 years. He treats me well, and everything about the relationship is very good. we have the usual spats, but we always end up back together. ...
A. 9 February 2006: You sound like hard work. Maybe he was right and his friends were wrong?
Also if you're having doubts about this, chances are that getting engaged is the wrong thing to do.... (read in full...)
Any way I can tell if the married man I'm dating will leave his wife, kids, for me?
Q. Why did i have to start dating a married man! It's been almost a year now, he's in his late 30s and says that, even though he loves me, he won't leave his wife because they have been together since she was 16 and they have children together and so ...
A. 9 February 2006: He loves sleeping with you, and probably spending time with you too.
But, he's too weak to leave his wife and his kids because he probably loves them too.
It's never going to happen.
PS. Respect and peace to a fellow Londoner... Where you fr... (read in full...)
Stuck in the middle with a girlfriend I care about, her sugar daddy and trying to use men for green cards!
Q. PLEASE READ AND HELP ME: I met this mid 20s girl thru a friend about 5 1/2 months ago and we started dating a few weeks into it. I had sex with her fairly quickly, 2nd or 3rd date. She is what people considering quite cute, fairly short (5'...
A. 4 February 2006: I agree with fairyagenl. Sweetheart, this chick is a hooker, she will use you for as long as you are useful to her, then she will chew you up and spit you out.
She's one of those crazy women who do crazy things and, I think you know this in your ... (read in full...)
I'm interested in sex all the time, but I never pressure my boyfriends into it. Is there something wrong with me?
Q. Hi I'm 21 years old, and I masturbate almost every day. I don't have a boyfriend, but it seems like I am always horny. A couple of guys I have dated don't want to be with me because they say I'm "too much" in the sex department. What gives? I...
A. 2 February 2006: Out there, indeed on this very site, there are guys that are highly sexed, just like you. In fact many of those same sex-guys are with women whose libido is less than theirs, resulting in a mis-match. The ideal scenario would be for those girls to ... (read in full...)
He isn't so fit with his clothes off!
Q. I met a guy online, and he actually turned out to be amazing...he's cute, he's smart, secure, funny, etc. etc.; pretty much perfect for me. We've been dating for a while now, and have even gotten to the point of saying that we love each other. ...
A. 2 February 2006: Find a new man? Even better, find a man at a gym? Seems like everytime I go to the gym it is riddled with hot gay guys. I would say that a bigger problem is not so much your shallowness in looking for a better model, as much as it was his ... (read in full...)
He tells me that this girl called him out to dinner just for "food"... But I think it's more!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 10 months. We are both in our thirties. He is away alot. He went out with friends the other night to a club. A girl that was with the group asked him for his phone number and he gave it to her. Two days ...
A. 2 February 2006: A man and a woman, in a restaurant, together, away from prying eyes, with mouth-watering delicacies (Oysters?), fine wines (a peppery Shiraz to get the blood flowing), attentive waters, long dreamy conversations, fluttering eyelashes and feet gently ... (read in full...)
She's set me a challenge to "proove" how much I love her!? How?
Q. this is a weird situation. me and my girlfriends breakup seems like its become inevitable. like 3 weeks ago me and her got into a big arguement. at a party, so we were both kinda drunk. after that we made up. but now she says that i told her that i ...
A. 2 February 2006: I fully agree with Dazzer.
Kidnap a penguin from a local zoo (or order it over the Internet; you can actually do this nowadays I believe) and give it to her on valentines day.... (read in full...)
Anything wrong with having sex in the bath?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend now for a couple of months and we always talk about new ways to enjoy sex. Last night I came up with the idea of having sex in the bath, but I have heard that it is dangerous for females to do so. Is this true? ...
A. 19 January 2006: It is rumoured to be dangerous - but neither me nor my partner died last time we did it. It is very very very inpractical though, water gets all over the place and you might both get stuck.
Stick to the bed / sofa / carpet / appropriately sloped w... (read in full...)
Is my wife seeing someone else, and just using me as a "fix it man" when she needs something done?
Q. My wife and I separated 3 months ago and I think she is seeing someone else but am not sure. When I asked her about it she said they were mostly friends. I know she has known him for a long time because they work together. I still love her and ...
A. 18 January 2006: You're only being used if you're "unaware" of what the situation is. Seems like you're fully aware. You're only being used if you feel it. Keep aware and go with the flow. No point ditching your ex from your life but it sounds like she has moved on ... (read in full...)
Have I seen too much porn? I can't get hard enough when fooling around with my girlfriend!
Q. Hmm, where to start. I've been looking at porn since I was like 13 or 14. Just do it like every day out of boredom, ya know? Well, anyway it has fucked with libido. I'm 18 now, and I can't get my dick to go full mast when my girl and I are ...
A. 17 January 2006: Wonder if you could clarify, are you still "on" porn or have you given up?... (read in full...)
Worried I might have erectile dysfunction. So how would I bring it up to my mom?
Q. I think I've got ED. I'm 18 and moving out of the house soon. I think I should go see a doctor about this, but I can't be like "Hey Mom, I think I've got ED... Can I go see the Doc?" What the hell am I supposed to do? ...
A. 17 January 2006: You're 18 kidda, no need to tell your folks what the hell you're up to. Just make an appointment and go along. Good luck.... (read in full...)
Why don't the men who use porn...ever think about the pain and hurt they can cause their partners?
Q. Why is it that a lot of men dont seem to even think about the hurt they can cause their partners by using porn. Dont they stop to think how it would feel to them if we used pictures of young hunks to get off especially as they are changing and ...
A. 17 January 2006: They ain't thinking with their head sweetie.
Plus, if you girls really were looking at pics of young hunks to get off... They probably wouldn't be too bothered!... (read in full...)
How do I go from being attracted to a woman who lives in my building, to actually asking her out?
Q. There's this woman that I'm attracted to that lives in the apartment just below me. The problem is that I would like to ask her out but I have no contact with her except if we run into each other coming or going from the building. Should I slip a ...
A. 16 January 2006: I think this is creepy.
Don't slip a note under her door it will scare the bejeezus out of her.... (read in full...)
Find it hard to relate to people but want to change... What can I do?
Q. Hi, I am worried about my personality as i find it hard to relate with people. I am 24 yrs. old male and don't consider some people (esp. those who are ugly) as worth of glance. I just keep by head down and talk with them. Same for people whom ...
A. 16 January 2006: Anon - not a terribly helpful answer.
To the question asker. Great question and very honest.
Remember that inside everyone is the same. Sure, some have killed. Some have been abused as kids. Some are fuc**d on drink and drugs... And oth... (read in full...)
Is selling stories the same as selling sex??
Q. My other half surprised me with a comment the other night and it caused such an argument. He said that all those people (mostly women) who sell their stories to magazines (which can be about anything) are the same as prostitutes. I didn't agree but ...
A. 16 January 2006: I think that it is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.... (read in full...)
Feel let down that my husband has gotten lazy, fat and less attractive since we married! I haven't so why has he?
Q. Short Version: If I am taking pride in my physical being-looking after my health and wellbeing as well as my sexual attractiveness for my husband then is it wrong to expect him to do the same? He disapproves of other women "letting themselves go" ...
A. 16 January 2006: Worst thing you can do is nag. So don't do that.
I agree with the other suggestion, that you find fun stuff that keeps you fit and that you can do together (hey, you at the back of class, STOP giggling).
Power-walk is a great idea. How about ... (read in full...)
What would Jesus do?
Q. Dear cupid, what do you do if your boy friend says he wants to give his life to Jesus so you should abandon the relationship?...
A. 14 January 2006: I'd give him a big hard kick up the a** and if he didn't come to his senses be glad to get rid of him. Move on girl.... (read in full...)
Did he drink a love potion, or what?! I never thought he'd fall for me this hard!
Q. Is it common for a guy to fall in love with a girl who he initially wanted a no-strings-attached relationship with? I’m referring to a relationship in which they are the male and female version of each other, so they never fight. They agree about ...
A. 14 January 2006: I'd say this is fairly common, yes. He's found something that good, and that he likes, and that he wants to keep. For himself.
Is this a bad thing?... (read in full...)
Are we both being stubbon fools for not saying "I love you"?!
Q. Help! I am thinking about telling my boyfriend that I love him, but I'm afraid that he might not say it back, or that I'll scare him off! (He hasn't done anything in particular to make me think this; this is just my own paranoia setting in.) We...
A. 14 January 2006: This is stupid. Let your actions speak louder than words. You shouldn't need to say it or make a deal out of it!
PS. That "special three word phrase"... Aw man I bet nearly ALL guys love it when their girlfriend utters those special three words. ... (read in full...)
After heartbreak I thought finally this was the man of my dreams... Until I walked in on him snorting cocaine.
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a 36 year old single woman. I have not been able to find happiness since I split from my long term partner due to his alcoholism. I have been dumped twice by commitment phobic men and just as I was getting disillusioned met someone ...
A. 13 January 2006: I'm gonna be controversial here.
I would rather have someone on coke looking after my kid than someone totally out of his mind on booze.
Don't forget that just a little over 100 years ago, cocaine was seen as a tonic for all ills, particular... (read in full...)
We want to have sex...are condoms enough to prevent pregnancy?
Q. Basically I'm 18 and having my first relationship but my mum keeps calling me a slut and saying that she just knows I'll end up pregnant. I'm very upset because I love my b/f so much and he's so kind and sweet and now I feel like I'm going to have ...
A. 13 January 2006: Jeez your Mom has some serious issues.
Ignore her. Calling her daugher a slut? Outrageous.
Yes condoms, used properly, are very very safe. If you have a mis-hap you have other avenues available such as the morning-after pill. ... (read in full...)
I feel invisible. Are women treated with less respect after they become mothers?
Q. Are women treated with less respect from society once they become mothers. I dont know if its just me or if this is common but I have noticed that since beoming a mother it seems that Im totally disregarded by society in a lot of ways. It kind of ...
A. 13 January 2006: Hey anon don't shoot the messenger! I can't change the world but I can tell it like it is. And of course I'm generalising.
Anon, you ask why you are you less attractive. It's biological programming. Your face is just as pretty as before you had ... (read in full...)
My mom treats me like a naughty schoolgirl... And I'm 21! And not naughty (usually).
Q. Help! My mom won't talk to me anymore. She hasn't spoken to me in nearly a week. She is angry because I am 21 years old and I'm tired of being treated like I'm 13, so I told her what I thought about her practically oppressive parenting style....
A. 13 January 2006: Your mom has her own issues that she needs to deal with. You need to, and are old enough to, move out and get your own place. You know this and accept this who why not get The Action Habit and get the hell out of there and get your own place? Your ... (read in full...)
I feel invisible. Are women treated with less respect after they become mothers?
Q. Are women treated with less respect from society once they become mothers. I dont know if its just me or if this is common but I have noticed that since beoming a mother it seems that Im totally disregarded by society in a lot of ways. It kind of ...
A. 13 January 2006: Yes. As a mother, you've done your job. Well done.
You're suddenly less employable and also less attractive to men.... (read in full...)
Is oral sex intercourse? Did my buddy lose her virginity?
Q. Why is oral sex considered inter course? This is a question my friend asked me after she had given a guy a Blow job. But isn't this kind of the breakipoint between fooling around and sex? I wanted to tell her,"Hun, I think you just lost your ...
A. 13 January 2006: This is one that Bill Clinton and the rest of the world has been puzzling about. Is it intercourse? Probably. Has she lost her virginity? No. Anyway, who cares? Why is your friend's virginity any of your business? She could be banging a bus of ... (read in full...)
Not sure what to think after my girl send me a pic of her boob! Was it a honey-trap?
Q. Hi there, Please help... I received a text last night while I was having a curry and a few beers with a mate of mine from a number that was unknown. It read, "Hi, do you fancy a $hag?" I ignored this as I am not into cheating and I lov...
A. 11 January 2006: "Ordeal"?
You call this an "ordeal"?
What about having a stillborn child?
Or being told by your doctor you have cancer?
Or seeing your parent die in front of you?
Or being tied up, raped and tortured before you entered your teens?
Those... (read in full...)
Something seems to be missing from my life! I just don't know what it is...
Q. I need some advice, I'm unhappy but I don't know why!! I have a loving family, great friends, fantastic boyfriend, lovely car and house, I'm studying the subject I love (law) at university and I like my job. I've always had a very high standard of...
A. 10 January 2006: Sweetie Pie is almost right.
To appreciate what is good in life it helps to have seen and felt what is bad. It's sometimes fun, too.
Ever seen someone die? Ever woken up after a 3-day drug/drink binge unable to move, with a 2-day blackout? ... (read in full...)
I'm a guy, 21, and me and my fiancee are stuck in a rut. She never shows me any affection!
Q. My fiancee and me are stuck in a rut. We have been together for 3 years and we have never really been ok for the majority, its nothing like it used to be. I know all about the honey moon period and all that stuff... but still i'm really confused!! ...
A. 9 January 2006: You proposed too early. You're no longer in love with her(or vice-versa). You're too scared to admit you screwed up and got it wrong. The manly thing to do would be to call off the engagement, have fun and be single for a good while, then get ... (read in full...)
All we do is have sex when we have our weekly hook-up? I am any more than booty?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for two years now and we have had great sex together. I really love it but recently I have been thinking that it is all we ever do. I only get to see him once a week and we talk for hours during the week, but sometimes ...
A. 8 January 2006: When I want a f*** I do my booty-call. We don't talk, we don't chat, we screw until we are both sweaty, worn out, exhausted shells of human beings. Then we shower and part ways. I see similarities in your situation.... (read in full...)
I have spent my entire life ensuring my family is happy. Despite the fact that they'll hate me for it, should I now make *me* happy and leave my husband?
Q. how can i leave my husband when my family will turn there backs on me? please help me i have been married for 20 years and have 2 grown up kids. 10 years ago i became pregnant and my husband felt i could not cope. so he persuaded my mum and dad help...
A. 8 January 2006: Screw your husband... And more than that, screw your family too! Do you want to waste another twenty years of your life?... (read in full...)
She swallowed my sperm and claims she is pregnant!! Is this possible?
Q. i am a 13 yr old boy and my girlfriend and i have been having oral sex she wants to go all the way but i am afraid of having a baby, she wants a baby i dont. She said that because she has been swallowing that she is pregnant now, I said thats ...
A. 7 January 2006: People say that this is "impossible" which is commendable but they may wish to Google what happened to famous ginger-German tennis star of old, Borris Becker. He thought the same! Google for: boris becker oral cupboard... (read in full...)
He's too busy selling drugs and hasn't time for me.I love him..I miss him-so what should I do?
Q. im 17 and have a boyfrend of 19....he told me he loves me but he isnt showin it to me..i fink i love him too..i av a lot of strong feelings for him..we have been together 4 months now but things r slippin downhill..he isnt answerin my fone calls or ...
A. 7 January 2006: This guy will pimp you out, get you pregnant, give you aids and one day you'll end up dead - a skeleton with your skin tightly clinging to your bones, smoking on a crack pipe and wondering where it all went wrong. Well, let me tell you kidda, it ... (read in full...)
Could I bring back a lost love with a love spell... or is that just a scam?
Q. I have a question about somehting a Lil bit different. I was doing a search for love advice and came across this one and another one that I have a question about. It was bring back a lost love by ordering a spell .Do you think these really work or ...
A. 6 January 2006: Bev - take that back about santa this minute!... (read in full...)
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