| Latest articles: Reflections on my breakup
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 May 2011: I just broke up with my boyfriend of six yrs, my only serious relationship at this point. The most startling feeling I have is after weeks of build up of anger, bitterness, and hurt towards my partner, the ambivalence and second-guessing I'm now ...
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Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 4 December 2016: I too am disappointed they didn't do more, like I said before, this can't be the first time this guy has done this-which also reflects poorly on management. I think your plan makes sense, save money now to create a rainy day unemployment fund, get ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 3 December 2016: Curious if there were any more updates on this! Hope things have taken a positive turn, anon!... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 22 September 2016: Yeah I would just go now. I think you may be responding TOO much to him. You don't want to put yourself in a position where "assertive" devolves into aggressive or drama-creating. It's really none of his business when you decide to take it to HR. ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 19 September 2016: I know he's generally been pretty good about talking to you when no one else is around, but if you can think of any incidents where there were others that may have overheard anything inappropriate, remember those events too, so they may have someone ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 17 September 2016: It's a good choice on your part, and I agree with HoneyPie to document it as detailed as possible. I wouldn't hide that you had an out-of-office outing with him because it's not like this event gave him a justifiable opening for his inappropriate ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 15 September 2016: I think he already IS at a reportable level; just because you hung out outside of work doesn't mean that "asking me about the last time I went on a date, and even if I'd ever slept with somebody before" should ever be brought up IN the workplace. ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 9 September 2016: I agree with Tisha. He is a manipulator and wants what he thinks he deserves. But he is not entitled to you. You don't owe this guy anything. ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 9 September 2016: Stay faaaaaaaaaaar away from him. Your sixth sense about him is obviously right, he thought he could groom you into his mistress. Technically, what he's done probably counts as sexual harassment already, asking about your sex life is WAY ... (read in full...)
I believe my husband’s client was flirting with him! She shared way too much personal information!
Q. My husband is a building contractor and recently met with a woman to give an estimate for repairs at her residence. I accompanied him as we were on our way to dinner after this as it was in the early evening hours however, I remained in the vehicle ...
A. 8 September 2016: It's a quick job, it's money, and she's not a priority, emotionally, for your husband. He sat there listening so he could get the job and get out of there! Yea, she may not be entirely stable but look, there's a balance that goes on ESPECIALLY when ... (read in full...)
Should I end the weird FWB relationship I'm in?
Q. So I don't really know what to do. I'm to the point I'm just about to ghost and say enough is enough. I've got this weird Fwb relationship for roughly a year. 90% of the time, I'll know what to expect from her. The other 10% she just baffles me....
A. 5 September 2016: You have to be honest that you've developed feelings for her. Let her make the decision on whether she sees this as a place where love can grow, because if she can't see it, then she's using you. ... (read in full...)
I just found out that the LDR guy I'd been dating is married and has a kid. I've blocked him but should I give him a chance to explain?
Q. Dear Cupid, I found out yesterday that the guy I’m with is married and has a child. I blocked him in wechat and whatsapp. It was such a disastrous feeling with I saw his Facebook of his wife and the child’s photos and not forgetting his we...
A. 5 September 2016: What possible explanation can justify or pacify you in this? What a waste of your time he has been! There's nothing here for you. ... (read in full...)
Does he care? Or am I crazy? Am I obsessed with him? Or am I just in love?
Q. It's taken me a Few moments to figure out how I should ask my question, but the Fact is The question Is just as confusing as the story..... A couple Of months ago I met this guy, I had just gotten out of a relationship Three months prior to the ...
A. 5 September 2016: It's not love. You knew him a week. You put Talking in quotes which makes me think it was mostly sexual? You don't get to know a person's personality in a week. They put their best foot forward. That he invited you to live with you after a week of ... (read in full...)
We are thinking marriage but I have concerns. Is my boyfriend gay or bi curious?
Q. Hi, A little back story... My BF and I have been together for 3 years and 1/2, living together for 1 year. He's very loving, have great morals and have alwayst treated me amazingly and we have a average sex life. But we are really freaky, ...
A. 5 September 2016: #1-it sounds like the snooping continues, if you're seeing he's looked up engagement rings
#2-trust and believe. I have definitely looked up things I have zero interest in. Actually, most places my brain GOES when I masturbate is not where I ... (read in full...)
What is my ex boyfriend feeling?
Q. Basically me and my boyfriend had a typical break up however I pushed for it because he was feeling so depressed and I knew he was gonna push me away I didn't want to be hurt. His depression had taken over and he said he felt nothing about anything ...
A. 5 September 2016: I don't like his behavior returning to a relationship without a conversation. My feeling is that this gray, limbo area is not good for either of you. Sit him down and ask what he wants. It sounds like you'd be willing to give him another chance. Ask ... (read in full...)
My partner has become evasive. I gave him his marching orders but he wanted to stay. It was too late?
Q. Recently my partner has been going to a new church but he is evasive about where this church is or what it is called. Previously we used to go to church together. Yesterday he went to a church party which was apparently for one hour in the afte...
A. 5 September 2016: Without mutual trust and respect, you don't have much of anything left. Too bad he wants to stay, he's being unstable and there's no reason you should have a part of it.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend rushed our goodbye and did not even kiss me. Should I feel bad?
Q. My BF and I work together. We left early today as our company lets us off early every other Friday. He is my manager and our relationship is kept professional at the office. And it is our private business outside the office. He is ver...
A. 3 September 2016: I can understand not feeling cared for in that moment, but he has been consistent about his position on how to approach the workplace romance, and to leave the romance basically at the door. Which is appropriate. Doesn't mean it didn't hurt your ... (read in full...)
I've had sex with many men and I'm afraid of what my future husband will think?
Q. I had an intimate relationship with many boys when I was 19-20 years old. Im really upset with what I had done. And I'm scared that what would happen if in the future my husband would get to know about my bad body figure. Please help me?...
A. 30 August 2016: The likelihood that he knows that you are not a virgin will be low. You likely haven't done any damage to yourself, you can do kegel exercises if you're worried about not feeling tight enough. And if you don't bleed: not everyone bleeds their first ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 28 August 2016: yea this could go south real fast (no pun intended?). I might consider bringing a friend with you two so you can feel assured he won't pull any moves. ... (read in full...)
Is it likely that my GF thinks of nothing when she masturbates? Is she telling lies? I'd like to spice things up.
Q. I've been trying to spice things up and find out what turns my gf on but she told me she doesn't think of anything while she masturbates. Is she lieing? ...
A. 28 August 2016: I have found zero correlation between the thoughts I've had masturbating and bedroom time with another person. By that I mean, I have no fantasies I would want acted up on, explored, or fulfilled. So even if I have sexy thoughts, I would likely ... (read in full...)
I want to have sex without a condom but I'm not taking birth control pills. Will emergency contraceptive pills after sex work just as well to prevent pregnancy?
Q. This is a contraceptive related question. I wanna have sex without a condom, i'm also ovulating and i'm currently not on the pills. If i use plan B pills after sex can it be equally effective ? Or will there be a chance of unwanted pregnancy....
A. 28 August 2016: There's a bigger chance of pregnancy. From webMd--
"If you take it within 72 hours after you've had unprotected sex, Plan B One-Step can reduce the risk of pregnancy by up to 89%. If you take Plan B One-Step within 24 hours, it is about 95% effe... (read in full...)
Am I being unreasonable wanting to take things slow after our breakup?
Q. Hello to everyone... So I'm looking for some advice... My girlfriend and I had been together for six....almost 7 years. Anyway... We broke up and things got a bit messy. There were a lot of horrible things said.... She was hurting... I wa...
A. 23 August 2016: I don't think you can hold it against her that she went out with people, or slept with people after she wanted a break. She didn't cheat on you. I understand if the dramatic turnaround hurt you. Is it something she can ever fix, in your mind, or are ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure about a second date with him any more, my feelings have changed!
Q. im not 100 % sure what to do and thats why im here . A year ago i went on a date with a guy we both wanted the same out of life then , the date was good and we got on well but he always had an excuse for cancelling a 2nd date ( always a 'family ...
A. 23 August 2016: I guess it doesn't hurt to see him once-after all, you DID want a second date long ago! But I think you sound pretty disinterested, in which case, I wouldn't bother wasting both of your time.... (read in full...)
He said he doesn't want me to spend the weekend at his place and now he's not responding to my texts! Help!
Q. Dear Cupid I am dating a guy for past 5 months, we meet every weekend in his place. Its not perfect, but its good, he doesnt like talking in phone or texting, so i dont usually call him over the week, even if i do its rare that he picks up the cal...
A. 23 August 2016: It doesn't sound like he's that invested in you. You should move on.... (read in full...)
Sure ''anything'' could happen. But is he being genuine ? Are his words genuine? Or is he giving me false hope?
Q. My ex and I broke up a few months ago when he told me he didnt know if he loved me anymore. Things are amicable so we're remaining friends. However, whenever i bring up my feelings for him and the relationship, he tells me "anything can ha...
A. 16 August 2016: You're giving YOURSELF false hope. What are you looking for him to say when you tell him you still have feelings for him? You're basically feeding yourself answers you don't want to hear, so don't ask the questions you don't want the answers to. You ... (read in full...)
I don't want a gf but I don't want her to be with anyone else. what should I do?
Q. Sooo about 6 months I got a new roommate who happens to be a female. We became roommates after meeting once for about 10 minutes. We hit it off eight away as we are both direct and have weird personal issues that almost identical in how we handl...
A. 11 August 2016: Go in with the mindset that you need to talk to her so that you can recalibrate the appropriate feelings level. Like next time you hook up, I would just say that you like the arrangement you have, but you could also see yourself wanting more with ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is not happy, he doesn't smile or talk anymore.
Q. so I've been dating my be for 9months, everything has been perfect but for 2-3months my bf has changed, he doesn't converse and have laughs with me anymore, he just seem so serious and hardly smile. He doesn't even talk to me I do all the ...
A. 11 August 2016: He sounds depressed. Have you expressed to him how severe the toll is on the relationship? I feel like you really need to lay out that your relationship is at a crossroads, that his mood is not just one bad day or one rough work experience, it is a ... (read in full...)
Help with confidence in a relationship
Q. Hi, the last boyfriend i had took drugs and smoked. Also i had suspicions he cheated on me with his girl best friend. He was nice to me until i dumped him because my parents thought he was bad news. When i dumped him he started saying he wad going ...
A. 11 August 2016: Things went way too far in your last relationship. Think about it, weren't there red flags--violence, temper, possessiveness, drugs, a wandering eye--before the day you broke up? Like, honestly, probably pretty soon into dating you must have known ... (read in full...)
I'm feeling insecure and would appreciate some insight.
Q. Hey there, My amazing boyfriend of almost one year has me slightly confused and saddened due to an incident that occurred last night and I would love your honest opinions...last night during sex I noticed that he was losing his erection. During t...
A. 11 August 2016: Sounds to me like he was trying to get hard in the bathroom too, just needed some inspiration, to return to you. Really, you don't know if that wasn't the plan. If it was, to me that says he was invested in having sex with you longer. It wouldn't be ... (read in full...)
I can't forgive or learn to love him.
Q. I want a divorce. But, I feel that it is selfish and illogical. And I love my husband in a platonic way and do not want to hurt him, I know that it would be better for him in the long run to be with somebody else but he is very dependent on...
A. 10 August 2016: I also tend to believe that sometimes, you just know too much of a person's past, and that the pain from or negativity of that past is too hard to overcome. It is better to let that person go so that they can be with someone who is not holding the ... (read in full...)
I can't forgive or learn to love him.
Q. I want a divorce. But, I feel that it is selfish and illogical. And I love my husband in a platonic way and do not want to hurt him, I know that it would be better for him in the long run to be with somebody else but he is very dependent on...
A. 10 August 2016: You can't beat yourself up for feelings you don't have, punishing yourself for it doesn't suddenly create the feelings you lack. I think you're trying to rationalize the relationship--that it makes sense to stay, things are better etc., but these ... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't want to move but I'm feeling isolated!
Q. My husband and I have been together for more than 7 years now, 3.5 years married. When I met him, I had just moved from my hometown to his area for college, and I swore to myself it was temporary. I told him it wasn't fair for us to date, since I ...
A. 29 July 2016: How easy is it for you two to find jobs in the areas you're thinking of? Sounds like he's letting his ego get caught up in all this, either bc if he feels he'd be leaving a secure job that he may not have other places, or because that job has earned ... (read in full...)
How do I get over extreme loneliness?
Q. I talked to a guy on Tinder for about a month and after dating a week, we hooked up multiple times. He was interested in something sexual immediately and initially I was only seeking something romantic and a possible relationship. I hadn't been with ...
A. 29 July 2016: Dating is harder than it is portrayed in media, and there are a lot of times it can be lonely, especially if you go in assuming that hitting it off with each person is the norm, but I think the best way to think about everytime you DO experience ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's personality has changed, should I address this? And how?
Q. I'm with this guy for a year and a half now. And he had just broken up with his abusive ex of 5 years, by the time we met. He was very frail, little things could upset him greatly, and it took a few months for him to be himself again. But he was ...
A. 29 July 2016: I don't know..did his ex MAKE him keep a tumblr or FORCE him to be romantic towards her? It's possible that if she was abusive when he didn't do those things, he originally did romantic things in his relationship with you out of habit of ... (read in full...)
My mother is abusive and makes things out to be my fault when its actually her!
Q. I am a 22 year old male and I've had problems with my mother ever since I can remember. My mom is a very abusive person who yells and belittles me all the time, takes her anger out on me, etc. and then turns around and says I am the one with the ...
A. 29 July 2016: How do you respond to your mom, do you try to beat her at her game, or just passively take the abuse? Are you still financially dependent on her still? I would consider family therapy before removing her from your life. Maybe you can bring up the ... (read in full...)
Why would someone go out of their way to not be searchable on social media and delete their online date profile on the day we were due to meet the first time?
Q. Why would someone go out of their way to not be searchable on social media and delete their online date profile on the day we were due to meet the first time? Wed been chatting for over a week through a site and thought we were getting on ok. Had to ...
A. 26 July 2016: I doubt it was anything personal. Maybe he started dating someone he liked, maybe he felt like the online dating scene really wasn't going in a direction he liked or he was getting disillusioned by it, or maybe he felt like he needed a break from ... (read in full...)
I'm new to the US...What should I expect if I want to date am American guy?
Q. Hi all. I'm new and just moved to the US 3 months ago. I am single and want to start dating here. I am not familiar with the culture so I don't want to look odd. Can someone help me and give me some tips that what should I expect if I want to date ...
A. 26 July 2016: Old fashioned! No..I'm sorry but a lot of men are after sex or some form of physical intimacy before they even know a girl. It is not unheard of for men to communicate wanting sex after one date. There is a general saying--and I don't know how well ... (read in full...)
Healthy eating is a bone of contention
Q. Hi please advise. My boyfriend is trying to have a healthier lifestyle because he is about 20 pounds overweight so he's trying to eat right, etc. I myself (in my opinion) should probably be around 125 but I' almost 140, so I'm at the upper end of ...
A. 25 July 2016: This is tough.It's unclear from your posting whether your bf has the same relationship with food--does he emotionally eat, or has he just been kinda thoughtlessly eating? Because for you, eating unhealthy foods is tied to trying to relieve anxiety, ... (read in full...)
If I can't control my moods I'll lose him
Q. I don't even know where to start, I lost my mum at the beginning of the year and ever since then I feel my life spiralling out of control. Especially my relationship, I have the best boyfriend in the world and I'm not 100 per cent sure why he's st...
A. 25 July 2016: I'm so sorry about your mom. You're too young to lose a parent, I can imagine how hard that must be.
How to control mood:
One of the most important things is recognition of the mood you're feeling. If you resist the feeling you have, that u... (read in full...)
Is it OK to steal him from his girl friend?
Q. I fancy my brother's close friend. He's two years older than me but I've known him for years. We've always had a thing many people have said he has a thing for me. He sadly has a gf with a girl I know but I am single now and he's been quite flirty ...
A. 25 July 2016: Let it dissolve naturally. It's not like he doesn't show signs of interest, and it sounds like the current relationship is a ticking time bomb. It's possible you'll show some characteristics he may not like if he sees you actively driving a wedge in ... (read in full...)
I'm so sick of the games that my husband's ex has been playing. When will this stop?
Q. When do the games stop?Do we have to grin and bear it? I have a situation where my husband and I have been married for twenty years. My whole marriage the ex has been in the picture with his family. I came along 2 years after they were divorced. ...
A. 25 July 2016: I dunno, if these are games, they're pretty weak! Driving by your house in Mommy's car, really? Who cares?
I don't know if this lady went to the reunion to disrespect you, she does HAVE family with your husband's family, and she is obviously clos... (read in full...)
Porn and masturbation and the ex. How can I raise these issues with him with it escalating to his usual angry response of, none of your business?
Q. My bf have been together for 4 years on and on, mostly just seeing each other on the weekends. With in those 4 years I have been on my edge with him knowing he Jacks off every morning watching porn or some sort activities with porn on his computer...
A. 25 July 2016: I want to take the photos of ex and porn issues separately here. With porn: I kind of empathize with him. I would not want my masturbation to be regulated by someone else, I would feel claustrophobic. Is porn a dealbreaker for you? Does it have to ... (read in full...)
I feel we have a blessed life. Yet due to his responses I ask, am I married to a narcissist?
Q. I am wondering if I am married to a narcissist? I have been with my husband for ten years and I have never cried so much in my life than I have in these ten years. When someone says you are lucky to have the wife you have or your wife is bea...
A. 25 July 2016: I don't know if he's narcissistic, I don't know enough about narcissism, but he is definitely manipulative, controlling and borderline emotionally abusive.
These behaviors should have been nipped in the bud years ago, but it sounds like you have... (read in full...)
I do love him, but was I right to break up with this man who is childish and one sided in his behaviour towards me?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for over 6 years and he recently broke up with me. He has a total of 6 kids and I have only 1, all of his kids are grown except for 2 whose ages are 16 and 9. He gets them every other weekend, so I thought I would ...
A. 25 July 2016: That's a pretty abrupt way to end a six year relationship. You would think the relationship would mean more to him than this one bickering session you two had. If that's the way he handles minor conflicts, I agree it's for the best you two move on.... (read in full...)
Men's opinons needed on this man's behavior
Q. If a Shy guy who has a crush on me asks me why don't I come to buy my meals when he is working at the cashier desk of a coffee shop of our company. He then nervously changed the topic even before i could say something. Even when he was asking me the ...
A. 23 July 2016: It's possible that he has a crush on you; if he does, he's coming off pretty insecure about it. He shouldn't be getting upset about you not coming around. Seems like a type that would interpret a lot of things as slights against him. I don't think ... (read in full...)
What needs to be done? I am so ashamed. Should I hold back from going into detail about all the online sites I visited?
Q. Hello! so I have this problem. I've been with my girlfriend for going on 6 months, I really and truly care for her. I've gotten close to not only her but her family! She left for Costa Rica a month ago and since then we are alright but my t...
A. 23 July 2016: I had an ex who had an alcohol problem and he had a lot of lows. I wasn't present for the one that really shook him-I was in Morocco and the details are not completely clear to me still, I know setting a fire extinguisher off was involved and ... (read in full...)
What needs to be done? I am so ashamed. Should I hold back from going into detail about all the online sites I visited?
Q. Hello! so I have this problem. I've been with my girlfriend for going on 6 months, I really and truly care for her. I've gotten close to not only her but her family! She left for Costa Rica a month ago and since then we are alright but my t...
A. 22 July 2016: I think if I were in her shoes, and you explained both the depth of your regret, your recognition of how serious it was, as well as the fact that this would not have happened if it weren't for your unhealthy binging and your taking responsibility ... (read in full...)
What needs to be done? I am so ashamed. Should I hold back from going into detail about all the online sites I visited?
Q. Hello! so I have this problem. I've been with my girlfriend for going on 6 months, I really and truly care for her. I've gotten close to not only her but her family! She left for Costa Rica a month ago and since then we are alright but my t...
A. 20 July 2016: Yeaa I don't think it's necessary to tell her there were other indiscretions in your blacked out state. I don't think there's any benefit of being like "hey baby, my bad, it wasn't one girl I messaged, it was 4, let me tell you the play by play." ... (read in full...)
What needs to be done? I am so ashamed. Should I hold back from going into detail about all the online sites I visited?
Q. Hello! so I have this problem. I've been with my girlfriend for going on 6 months, I really and truly care for her. I've gotten close to not only her but her family! She left for Costa Rica a month ago and since then we are alright but my t...
A. 19 July 2016: If it was only this night that you were on the online dating sites and messaging other girls, I don't think it's necessary to go into everything you got up to. If this is something you've been doing even while sober, then I think you should come ... (read in full...)
Do I show him what to do or stick to what's easy?
Q. Hey everyone . This might come across as a bit of an odd question but here goes. Ive just got a new boyfriend hes on the large side body shape im not skinny myself more melissa maccarthy size after her weight loss. Weve not done the deed yet but are ...
A. 19 July 2016: Considering you don't seem to know yet what will work for the two of you, it seems premature to take the lead. I think it should be a bit of mutual exploration. It's up to you, but given that you're saying you'd be out of your comfort zone, and ... (read in full...)
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