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... Send *nzian a private message | | | *nzian's profile:Ciao! I'm from Europe and my mother-tongue is not English – so please my spelling errors!
I'm in my twentys and in best hands. Also we have our ups and downs, so I found this page asking questions myselfe.
I'm Christian and so I may seem to be quite conservative. In my free time I read a lot of books about relationship and marriage. I believe that in christianity – also it may seems to be a very old-fashioned perspective – this is a very honest perspective and it really helps for a good relationship. For me what is normal for most people today seems to be very selfish. One should try to look away from oneself and try to do best for the others. On the other hand I very much like to talk to other people, friends, singles and married couple and especially to my grandmother, which was very happy married for 60 years (my grandfather just died a month after their diamond wedding).
Therefore not everything I write is my own experience, but I'm sure it is honest. I write what I think and what I learned. I can't say if the advice I give is always helpful. It also could be because of my language that I don't always find the right words for my sentence and so it could be that you don't understand what I meant to say. And it is probable not always what you want to hear, but it is one point of view and I hope it will at least be thought-provoking. You can always write a message to ask!
I can learn from other peoples answers and would like to learn from your comments as well. So I would love to hear your comments on some of the advice i have given. |
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What's the difference between having a crush on somebody or loving them?
Q. whats the difference between loving someone or having a crush on them?...
A. 9 June 2007: My perspecitve of the difference of falling in love and really love someone:
- Falling in love just happens to you. You can't really control it yourself. It is like being on drugs. The hormones in your body tell you what to do and are reigning... (read in full...)
What can I do to win her heart again?
Q. i have been with my wife 10 years, married for 7. I thought we were happy but she has just told me that she loves me but is not in love with me. she said she has felt like this for a long time but she never gave any hint of it. We had a long and ...
A. 2 June 2007: Hi there! I think, you have nothing lost and you really have a great wife and she's got a great husband! I don't experienced it meself - as I'm not in a relationship for that long, but it is what I've learnt from other couples and good books an... (read in full...)
What does it mean to commit yourself to someone in a long-term relationship like a marriage?
Q. What does it mean to commit yourself to someone in a long-term relationship like a marriage? ...
A. 2 June 2007: Hi there! This would be the biggest commitment you have ever done or will ever do in your live again. It is the promise to the woman of your choice to be only with her, that you will be faithful, that you will never see someone else, especial... (read in full...)
Torn between my mistress and my family! What should I do?
Q. I have a huge delima,i started becoming friends with a female co-worker,we knew each other some, then begining of March of last year, we became close. We talk everyday, all day,tease, joke around, she is just amazing to me, very diffrent in ever...
A. 20 May 2007: What about your wife? Do you still have feelings for her? What about your child? Do you love it? How do you know you love this other women? Is it because you have great sex with her what you can't have with your wife? How do you know if this can ... (read in full...)
He's Christian and doesn't want to have sex with me... I want to have sex. Will this work?
Q. Hello. I've been in a relationship for about a year and a half with a very kind, sweet guy whom I was at school with - for about a year it has been a long distance relationship as we're now at different universities. I'm physically attra...
A. 14 May 2007: I do understand how you feel. I'm waiting myselfe. I am a Christian myselfe and me and my boyfriend choosed to wait till we will be married - so I know how hard it is waiting, but I also know how much I meen to him for his is not with me just for ... (read in full...)
Why can't I find a boyfriend?
Q. can anyone tell me what is wrong with me? i've been in search for a boyfriend for 2 years and i can find him!! i do have a couple of options but i don't know how to get them. i get so jealous when i see my friends cuddling and kissing their boyfri...
A. 13 May 2007: Hi Dear!
There is nothing worng with you, if you have not found Mr. Right yet! It is very wise to not take the first person you see. A boyfriend really needs to be very special - but find someone very special, you need to be patient. If you just... (read in full...)
Its all collapsing, how do I know if I'm still in love with my husband and what should I do?
Q. I have been married to my husband for 7 years and have 2 kids age 3 and 4. When we first got together it was amazing but over the last few years things have changed. I have changed. I was happy with my life and now i am not. I feel really bad as my ...
A. 11 May 2007: Sorry for the error in the story with the car. It is of cours when you have a new car and drive on the road, when you fall in love with a MAN not a woman. Sorry! The analogy was written for man, but I think one can tell it to women as well.... (read in full...)
Its all collapsing, how do I know if I'm still in love with my husband and what should I do?
Q. I have been married to my husband for 7 years and have 2 kids age 3 and 4. When we first got together it was amazing but over the last few years things have changed. I have changed. I was happy with my life and now i am not. I feel really bad as my ...
A. 11 May 2007: Well, hmmm..., it may sounds strange and hard, but love is not a feeling. I've read a few books and know form my grandma and a marriage guidance counsellor, that it is nod a good idea to only trust your feelings. So I would like to explain you, what ... (read in full...)
Is this really love, or is it just our hormones ?
Q. Real love or hormones? I am 18 and have been dating my GF for 5 months now, and I want to know if our feelings for each other are real, or just some teenage hormones. We have have a great adult relationship full of deep conversation, fe...
A. 11 May 2007: Hi dear
Well, this sort of question only time can tell, when you will get to know eachother better and better. When you get to know someone and you are attracted to that person, there are alway some hormons in your body which make you feel in love... (read in full...)
I love him but he doesn't make me feel like he's in love with me. Any advice?
Q. I love him but he doesn't make me feel like he's in love with me. He swears he is and shows it in his own way but its not enough for me. Its been a year and half. We're great friends but the fact that he just doesn't love me the way I want to be ...
A. 11 May 2007: I'm sometimes fighting with the same problem... But because I my boyfriend makes me talk about my feelings when things go really bad, I can share my innermost thoughts and he tries to understand me and vica versa.
You say, he swears he is in love... (read in full...)
Why did she break up with me?
Q. why would my girlfriend finish with me because of a few arguments,everything else was great especially in the bedroom,she was very experienced compared to me but she taught me the right way to make a girl happy and satisfied,i love her and i know ...
A. 10 May 2007: Hi there I'm really very sorry for you, she left you! It makes it especially hard because you don't know why! That it not fair of her! Some women tend to break contact and don't want do talk about anything when they are hurt very much. So it could... (read in full...)
Would you forget to call someone you love a lot?
Q. When you love someone so much, would you choose in not forgetting to call that person? Does it really happen that one forgets to call? or is it just some lame excuse?...
A. 10 May 2007: Well, I always thought, if I really fail in love with someone, I would think of this person all the time and would never forget to call him. And I was very, very unhappy, when my boyfriend used to forget, because I thought he doesn't really love ... (read in full...)
Is it okay to be in love with each other even when we have our respective families?
Q. I am a 46 year old man married for 16 years now with two kids aged 15 and 10.Very recently I reconnected after a 26 year gap, with my childhood sweetheart who is 45 and also married for 25 years and has two daughters aged 21 and 17.Ever since we ...
A. 4 May 2007: Hi
To answer you question from my perspective:
1. Is it okay to be in love with each other even when we have our respective families? - No, it is not. You have a wife and you gave HER the promise to love her 16 years ago. To be in love with you... (read in full...)
I need to know why I stay with my husband who has been so horrible to me and my kids over the last 20 years...
Q. I have had a very turbulent relationship with my husband for nearly 20 years. in this time he has been emotionally and sometimes physically violent towards me. We have had 3 children but 2 were adopted at a young age and 1 remained with us. They ...
A. 4 May 2007: I don't know if I would not do the same as you and just stay with him and endure even if I would not it would be not good for me. Why? Becaus when I get married I make a decission to be with this person for the rest of my life. And I don't like ... (read in full...)
I'm cheating on my husband, but with a really nasty guy, I crave him and I dont feel guilty for it!!
Q. I am 29 years old and have been married to my husband for 7 years. My husband is very good to me, is a hard worker, very physically fit, attractive... About 6 months ago I started seeing a man at work who is 39, divorced, has four children, and has ...
A. 3 May 2007: Why do you have sex with a man that is not nice to you, doesn't compliment you, is moody, and gets angry with you very easily??? And why do you have sex with him, when this sex is terrible??? and above all he is not your husband! So why do you do ... (read in full...)
My husband of 22yrs has never truly desired me, I dont want to feel like his room mate, I want to be his wife!!!
Q. I have been married to the same man for 22 years. In all those years, my husband has never really acted like he truely desires me. Very few kisses and even less hugs. Even in the beginning there never has been romantic moments like hand holding and ...
A. 2 May 2007: That sounds sad. I didn't realise that it is that bad from your first comment. It sounds like you do your best, but there is no response... It's the same with my parents. But it is my mother which blocks up. We can not say or suggest her anything, ... (read in full...)
There are 8 of us living in a 3 bedroom house and it's driving me up the wall!
Q. dear cupid... i dont know what to do. i have a really bad home life and its driving me up the walls. my parents are divorced and my mum currently has a boyfriend who lives with us along with his four kids. but the problem is only one of them is o...
A. 2 May 2007: Hi Dear
You bear at lot of responsibility - more than you should have to do at your age... You can not do all this on your own and you really need to have time to do your homework. You need a good education for a good job in the future and that you ... (read in full...)
There are 8 of us living in a 3 bedroom house and it's driving me up the wall!
Q. dear cupid... i dont know what to do. i have a really bad home life and its driving me up the walls. my parents are divorced and my mum currently has a boyfriend who lives with us along with his four kids. but the problem is only one of them is o...
A. 1 May 2007: hmmm... I really feel with you, but don't really know what advice to give to you... But you can not life with this for ever, that is for sure!
Have you ever tried to speak to your mother about this? Can you not talk to your mother? Does she not see ... (read in full...)
My husband of 22yrs has never truly desired me, I dont want to feel like his room mate, I want to be his wife!!!
Q. I have been married to the same man for 22 years. In all those years, my husband has never really acted like he truely desires me. Very few kisses and even less hugs. Even in the beginning there never has been romantic moments like hand holding and ...
A. 1 May 2007: Hi Dear!
I'm sure he loves you very much, but can not show it the way you would understand. Have you ever heard of the book "The Five Languages of Love" by Gary Chapman? His says/writes that there are five "languages of love" and everyone spea... (read in full...)
We plan on living together, soon..so why didn't he tell me he was going to try and get custody of his little girl?? I think I had a right to know about this!
Q. I’m in a state of devastation right now. I’m in a relationship with this great guy for 2 years. I love him very much and he loves me very much. When I thought love can solve all problems in the future, I found out that I have doubts. We are looking ...
A. 30 April 2007: I agree in part of the previous 'Aunts'. It is his daughter, yes and it is first of all his decision if he wants his daughter’s custody back. And I also think if something happens with his daughter’s mother, he would be the first person to have the ... (read in full...)
Im worried my GF may have stopped taking the pill as she wants children!! Im only 17!! What should I do ?
Q. hi im 17, nearly 18 and i've been seeing this girl since we were 13, she is the same age as me. recently she has been dropping hints about children. We have been having sex since we were 13, i have always used a condom until she was 16 wen she ...
A. 30 April 2007: Hi dear
I agree with cd206 that you should talk to her. Because you are not ready for children yet, doesn't meen, you don't love her. To love someone is, when you want the best for that person and for me it seems that to have a baby in your age is n... (read in full...)
I'm scared he wants to have sex with me because I'm only young.
Q. My Boyfriend and I Have been seeing each other for a couple of months. Im really scared he wants to have sex and because im only young, im scared that i feel like i do to, is it because of my age or not?...
A. 29 April 2007: Hi Dear!
It could be because of your age, but for certain it is because you are not ready for sex yet!
Don't do it, if don't feel ready, don't feel save or just don't want to. You don't need a reason for not having sex, if you don't feel for it, ... (read in full...)
We have trouble talking and communicating and its only been two months! Help!
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost two months now as I write this. The beginning of our relationship was happy and fun, and we can still almost sense each other's feelings and thoughts. I love her very deeply, and I know she loves me, ...
A. 26 April 2007: Hi Dear
I think, there is nothing to repair, because there is nothing brocken yet. It seams to me that this is not really a communictaion problem, but no very much liking to talk on the phone. Some people don't like this. My boyfriens is also one ... (read in full...)
Any chance I could be pregnant?
Q. Right Well About 4 Months Ago I Had Unprotected Sex With My Boyfriend..Before That My Periods Where Regular And I Had Never Missed One Before...So Of Course When I Didnt Come On My Period I Thought I Was Pregnant But I Had 3 Tests Witch Said I ...
A. 24 April 2007: Hi Dear!
No, I don't think you are pregnant. When you get your period, that means that the egg has not been fertilised. And a nex cycle starts. Also you had three test saying, it's negativ. I don't know, what drinking and smoking does, but I thin... (read in full...)
Nervous about announcing our engagement... We've not been together long!
Q. My boyfriend and I are talking about getting engaged. We're both thrilled, we know we've found our other half, but I'm nervous as to how and when to tell my parents (before or after I get the ring). I'm nervous because my boyfriend and I have been ...
A. 24 April 2007: Sorry, I did understand you wrong. For me it did really sound, like you are nervous about getting married and that this would be the reason you are nevous about telling your parents.
So this is different. But if you are sure about him, what is the ... (read in full...)
I don't think women working has a positive effect on society. What's happening?
Q. I am frustrated about the entering of women at workplace and can't see it to be having much positive effect on the society. I am a kind of guy who wants his girl to need him, to be dependent on him for some reasons, may it be financial or emotional. ...
A. 23 April 2007: In one way you are right. Women making their own career can add to brocken families. But I think that is not the big reason that so many marriages break today. It's the selfish way of lifing today. Everyone looks for himselfe and wants to have ... (read in full...)
Nervous about announcing our engagement... We've not been together long!
Q. My boyfriend and I are talking about getting engaged. We're both thrilled, we know we've found our other half, but I'm nervous as to how and when to tell my parents (before or after I get the ring). I'm nervous because my boyfriend and I have been ...
A. 23 April 2007: I think, it is normal to be nervous. I'm sure I will be when it is time for me, also I together with my boyfriend for two and a half year and I will have to wait for at least an other year... That will give an other load of butterflies in my ... (read in full...)
I believe that sex and love are two different things, but I wouldn't have sex if I didn't love her. What do you all think?
Q. I need some opinions on a view that I have. I believe that the way I look at this is a mature, healthy way... but I would like some advice from someone older that may have been through this before. My girlfriend of nearly a year and I are sexual...
A. 23 April 2007: Question: if the partner you love will have an accident and will not be able to meet your sexual needs, will you still be able to love her? Or: if you have great sex with someone you can't stand - could that be love?
I'm not much older then you,... (read in full...)
Can sex save a relationship?
Q. Can sex save a relationship? I love my bf to bits but things are really bad at the moment we not having sex yet but are thinking about it (its his first not mine) but i don't know if we should or not can sez really save a relationship please help we ...
A. 23 April 2007: I think, sex will help bring oyu closer, but only for a short time and it will not at all save your relationship. Sex is not a panacea to use for such things! In me opinion sex is a thing for a really close relationship where one partner loves the ... (read in full...)
I'm still bleeding 8 days after giving birth.
Q. I had a baby 8 days ago. I am still bleeding, like I am on my period. Also, I feel swollen and like all my insides are pushed out in my vaginal area. When does the bleeding stop, and when do you go back to normal? Do I really have to wait 6 weeks to ...
A. 23 April 2007: In your stead, I would go to see the doctor.... (read in full...)
Im married and bisexual, if I were to hang out with a women and have fun etc! Would that be considered cheating ?
Q. Hi, I am a married, bisexual woman. I feel in a difficult position. If I were a lesbian, I would be a faithful partner to only one woman. If I were straight, I would be a faithful partner to only one man. But since I'm bisexual, I have a need ...
A. 20 April 2007: Hi Dear!
In my personal opinion yes this is cheating.
But ask your husband. Does he actually know you are bisexual? If he does know you could just ask him if he would this considere cheating when you would "spend some time" with a women. If he do... (read in full...)
We agreed to a few weeks space, so why has he emailed me saying hi?
Q. I posted a question two days ago about my boyfriend being scared of commitment and not wanting a family. We've both agreed on giving each other some space for a week or two to think things through. I haven't spoken to him since Monday but the last ...
A. 20 April 2007: I think he is missing you and he seems to have no patience to wait to hear from you :-)
You could e-mail back and tell him you have both agreed on giving each other some space for a week or two to think things through. But e-mailing is not givi... (read in full...)
Im having an affair, 2 kids one on the way, but I love this other woman!! What can I do ?
Q. im 30 yrs old with 2 kids and 1 on the way but for the past three months i have been having an affiar with a women who is so great and fun to be with and i just cant bring myself to leaving my wife for the kids sake but i love this other women to ...
A. 19 April 2007: Dear anonymous writer!
I'm moved to tears reading your answers! Thank you for leting us know what you decided and what happend! You are very courageous! So it musst be so much better now than hiding your guilt. You muss feel freed of your unea... (read in full...)
We agreed to go ahead with the 3some, but every time it crops up my wife finds a reason not to go ahead!!
Q. Alright, so I read some other similar questions but not exactly the same. My wife and I are both legitimately intrested in a threesome, and (she being bisexual) we are agreed it should obviously be a woman. The problem is everytime I find someone ...
A. 19 April 2007: She seems to be very doubtful. So maybe she changed her mind, because she acutally doesn't want to. Don't push her! If she doesn't want to, it will only do a lot of harm for both of you!
To go sure, you can suggest her, that she should be the one ... (read in full...)
If 2 people who date, have different religions what are the future chances?
Q. hi everyone if 2 partners have different religions what are the future chances?...
A. 18 April 2007: I would say, it depends on how much your religion means to you or her. If your religion tells you a lot and it is very much part of your life, it will affect the relationship and it's maybe better not to have a partner with an other religion. If it ... (read in full...)
I'm 15 years old with a baby on the way and I'm incredibly afraid about my future. I need help badly!
Q. I'm a 15 year old girl with a baby on the way and has a 20 year old boyfriend. I really don't know what to do. I am incredibly afraid and I have no idea what's going to happen. I am NOT getting an abortion, it's totaly against my morals, plus I ...
A. 18 April 2007: Hi Dear!
In my country we have a social assistance office organised from the state where everyone with social problems and money problem can go. There are very very strict there, but if someone like you are really needs help, they help. They look... (read in full...)
I've all of a sudden got an interest in another guy, I dont want to, I love my BF of 6 years, how can I get this other guy out of my head ?
Q. I'm in my late 20's and have been in a relationship with a guy for the past 6 years. It's been an overal great relationship and I've never cheated on him/nor him on me. I'm currently in grad school and have fighting the urge to "explore" with other ...
A. 17 April 2007: I don't know how to stop thinking about someone, I also tried before. But somehow it worked at the end. Try not to get in contact with him. If you are in temptation to do anything, call a friend. Maybe you know someone you can trust and tell about ... (read in full...)
How long do you think you should be in a relationship for before proposing?
Q. How long do you think you should be in a relationship for before proposing? I've been with my girlfriend for five years and it's been fantastic apart from the occasional row over nothing and her having a one night stand near the beginning of the ...
A. 17 April 2007: I think a year or two can be not enough. You really should to get to know each other before you promise to spend the rest of the life together. And you should not get married as long as you are enamoured. Because as long as you are enamoured, you ... (read in full...)
Im having an affair, 2 kids one on the way, but I love this other woman!! What can I do ?
Q. im 30 yrs old with 2 kids and 1 on the way but for the past three months i have been having an affiar with a women who is so great and fun to be with and i just cant bring myself to leaving my wife for the kids sake but i love this other women to ...
A. 17 April 2007: I just want to correct what I wrote: I wanted to say, because we only know what you told us, we can NOT help you in the best way. We can only tell you what we think an what we would do theoretical if we would be in your position and what we think ... (read in full...)
Im having an affair, 2 kids one on the way, but I love this other woman!! What can I do ?
Q. im 30 yrs old with 2 kids and 1 on the way but for the past three months i have been having an affiar with a women who is so great and fun to be with and i just cant bring myself to leaving my wife for the kids sake but i love this other women to ...
A. 17 April 2007: So what is that you want to hear? Yes, we have no idea about your life nor what you are goin through. We only know what you told us and can try to put ourself in your position and your wife's position. Because of this we can help you in the best way ... (read in full...)
How long do you think you should be in a relationship for before proposing?
Q. How long do you think you should be in a relationship for before proposing? I've been with my girlfriend for five years and it's been fantastic apart from the occasional row over nothing and her having a one night stand near the beginning of the ...
A. 16 April 2007: There is now rule for how long you should wait. Some know it ver quick others want to really sure. For my opinion a couple should wait at least for a year or two, but better three or four years. So I would say five years are more than enough and you ... (read in full...)
Im having an affair, 2 kids one on the way, but I love this other woman!! What can I do ?
Q. im 30 yrs old with 2 kids and 1 on the way but for the past three months i have been having an affiar with a women who is so great and fun to be with and i just cant bring myself to leaving my wife for the kids sake but i love this other women to ...
A. 16 April 2007: I agree with xcharlottex: you should talk to your wife. Tell her what it's going on with. Tell her about your feelings and tell her that you mess doing things with her and that you also miss sex a lot!
You actually don't want to be in this situ... (read in full...)
Im having an affair, 2 kids one on the way, but I love this other woman!! What can I do ?
Q. im 30 yrs old with 2 kids and 1 on the way but for the past three months i have been having an affiar with a women who is so great and fun to be with and i just cant bring myself to leaving my wife for the kids sake but i love this other women to ...
A. 16 April 2007: What about your wife? Do you still love her? Could it not be that you just feel left out because of her pregnancy and the two children? Lot's of women are not interessted in sex, when they are pregnant. That's also due to the hormone change. So is ... (read in full...)
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