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*uce00 agony aunt

*uce00

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*uce00's profile:

Hey folks!

Ive had a very rich life and learned many many lessons, both good and bad. I hope to give some good advice and also take some when needed.

Best wishes to all!

Duce

< Prev1234567891011Next > [10 pages, 377 answers]

What unusual name to do you have for your privates... and how did you get it?

Q.   Mine is petercheese. My girlfriend years ago gave me it. The first time she gave me head she said it squrted out like a can of ez cheese. So she called it peter cheese. ...

A.   4 December 2009: After careful consideration my cock has decided he wants to be called... "The Heat Seeking Moisture Missle" Its rather funny how that almost made him sound intelligent isn't it? ... (read in full...)

I'm married and in love with a younger co-worker. What should I do?

Q.   Hi All, I'm a 30yr old Married man for 1 year now, but have been in the current relationship for 10 years. After a very long engagement we finally got married, not because we didn't want to, it was just a money thing. We have 2 kids. One form ...

A.   24 November 2009: Good man! Glad you are taking action. You are doing way better than most. PM me for an update when you get a chance. Good-on-ya mate!... (read in full...)

How to steal my ex back from rebound?

Q.   My ex and I still talk frequently (almost every day, or more). How do I steal her back from her rebound boyfriend? ...

A.   23 November 2009: You are catching on my boy!!! You yourself said it best. "Frankly, I'm kind of starting to see that maybe she can't be trusted. She snuck around behind my back--she snuck around behind his back--why wouldn't she sneak around again?" If yo... (read in full...)

How to steal my ex back from rebound?

Q.   My ex and I still talk frequently (almost every day, or more). How do I steal her back from her rebound boyfriend? ...

A.   22 November 2009: Basic truth: She is in control of this situation and you are an emotional mess. You are searching desperately for love and reason and truth and it doesn't appear to be anywhere on the current horizon. If she is, or is not worth what you ha... (read in full...)

How to steal my ex back from rebound?

Q.   My ex and I still talk frequently (almost every day, or more). How do I steal her back from her rebound boyfriend? ...

A.   20 November 2009: Dammit Garm! SLAP!!! You gotta stop pining away by the dam phone! Go do something productive, something you can take pride in. You are wasting your life right now dude! ... (read in full...)

How to steal my ex back from rebound?

Q.   My ex and I still talk frequently (almost every day, or more). How do I steal her back from her rebound boyfriend? ...

A.   20 November 2009: I will take a different tact: You are in love with her but you are still in the process of figuring out who she really is. Your emotions are clouding your judgment and that is a bad combo. How do you think I figured that one out? Was it a bo... (read in full...)

My cheating wife says she wants her family back.

Q.   I recently learned of an extramarital affair my wife was invloves in. I came home early to discover her texting on her cell phone. When I asked to see it she screamed empahtically no and ran into my 4 year old childs room. Upon convincing her I ...

A.   18 November 2009: When men get angry it doesn't always mean they are wrong, when women get angry it doesn't always mean they are on their period. Fair enough? Such a broken record in the male female relations. Lets rise above folks...really! As for the OP conce... (read in full...)

How will my ex react if I wore another guy's jersey?

Q.   heyy guys :) i need fast answers for this one please! so this guy tht i flirt with all the time wants me to wear his football jersey to school 2moro. we both jus flirt, he has a gf tht goes to a different school, we will never be in a real ...

A.   17 November 2009: I think we all need to stop beating a dead jersey here.... (read in full...)

I'm married and in love with a younger co-worker. What should I do?

Q.   Hi All, I'm a 30yr old Married man for 1 year now, but have been in the current relationship for 10 years. After a very long engagement we finally got married, not because we didn't want to, it was just a money thing. We have 2 kids. One form ...

A.   17 November 2009: Trapped or not trapped, Penny or no Penny, drunk or stone cold sober...none of that tail chasing is going to cure what is ailing you. You are fundamentally discontent. All the intellectualizing and remorse does not cloak the basic fact that ... (read in full...)

My cheating wife says she wants her family back.

Q.   I recently learned of an extramarital affair my wife was invloves in. I came home early to discover her texting on her cell phone. When I asked to see it she screamed empahtically no and ran into my 4 year old childs room. Upon convincing her I ...

A.   17 November 2009: Ughhhhh... Ever heard of "phantom limb syndrome". Its when a person looses a limb but can still feel it sometimes. Right now I am feeling a 12" kitchen knife hanging out of my back. I walked around with that dammed thing in there for so lon... (read in full...)

He said I just don't turn him on!!!

Q.   Ok first thanks for taking the time to read this. This guy and I started an exclusive relationship a little over a week ago. He has a hard time staying hard during intercourse, and I am very patient with him and I continue to rub him and kiss him to ...

A.   17 November 2009: Its not you, trust me. What Q said to the tenth power. Does this guy have a thing for musicals and enjoys Brad Pitt movies just a wee bit too much? Hmmmm You are gods gift to a whole bunch of men and I hope you pick that one out of the... (read in full...)

Is it acceptable for a man to hit his girlfriend when she stands up for herself against unfair accusations of infidelity?

Q.   Is it normal (or acceptable) for: -a man to accuse his girlfriend of infidelity for more than one year? -for the woman to raise her voice and shout, after one year of being falsely accused and asked the same question over and over and over ...

A.   16 November 2009: Why are you still with this guy? After you drop him like a hot rock you should go over that question with a good therapist. After a while of being a victim you have to ask the question why you allow the cycle to continue. See, men get abused t... (read in full...)

I seem to be missing out in the orgasm department big time!

Q.   I'm 24 in a stable relationship with a man who i am very much in love with and feel totally comfortable around him. i have been sexually active since i was sixteen and had my first orgasm at about 8. my problem is that i seem to be missing out in ...

A.   16 November 2009: Sorry anon replier, the royalty checks are just piling up here and I didn't know how to get them to you. Been really busy on the the sequel lately. "The Cunning Linguist's Guide To Choosing Good Women" I am afraid it will not make the spl... (read in full...)

How will my ex react if I wore another guy's jersey?

Q.   heyy guys :) i need fast answers for this one please! so this guy tht i flirt with all the time wants me to wear his football jersey to school 2moro. we both jus flirt, he has a gf tht goes to a different school, we will never be in a real ...

A.   16 November 2009: Sigh...I am really sorry you didn't understand my answer. Its a real shame because you will have absolutely no chance with men by behaving like you do. You will do just fine with boys though. You have a few more years to do that. I hope for your ... (read in full...)

I seem to be missing out in the orgasm department big time!

Q.   I'm 24 in a stable relationship with a man who i am very much in love with and feel totally comfortable around him. i have been sexually active since i was sixteen and had my first orgasm at about 8. my problem is that i seem to be missing out in ...

A.   16 November 2009: You could try this idea. I discovered it by experimenting with an ex and it really changed her world. I am sure somebody has laid claim to the technique and created a nifty title but I will just try to keep it simple. Your boyfriend will obviously ... (read in full...)

Am I a normal 17 year old?

Q.   always, whenever i see a girl or a woman, my eyes first of all go to her breasts. i want to ask is this normal ? do other guys also have this ? i am 17...

A.   16 November 2009: Well hot dam! Right on girl! I like your honest attitude and you got some moxie too. I am not thinking of your tata's at all...errr I mean...Awww dammit caught again!... (read in full...)

How will my ex react if I wore another guy's jersey?

Q.   heyy guys :) i need fast answers for this one please! so this guy tht i flirt with all the time wants me to wear his football jersey to school 2moro. we both jus flirt, he has a gf tht goes to a different school, we will never be in a real ...

A.   16 November 2009: OK! Quick help is here! Come on Lacey...cant you step out of your own shoes and get into his for 2 seconds? That's the key to making respectful choices in a relationship. Sorry to add insult to injury but you will get far better help from... (read in full...)

He keeps hurting my feelings

Q.   Hi. At close to the beginning of this relationship, I set some boundaries with this guy, and one of them was not to call me or even joke about me being a bitch, because I'm not. This guy was my first. We got married and he still keeps joking o...

A.   16 November 2009: Your updates kinda show where your end of things may be aiding in the drama. At some point you signed on in this dynamic between you two. Don't get me wrong I think he needs a manual attitude adjustment by a bigger dog, but you have played ... (read in full...)

How to steal my ex back from rebound?

Q.   My ex and I still talk frequently (almost every day, or more). How do I steal her back from her rebound boyfriend? ...

A.   16 November 2009: I would change your approach to how you draw the lines in the sand on this one. Stop making anything about her and ultimatums. To put it bluntly it is weak, and it continues to put her in the drivers seat because you are still making your choices ... (read in full...)

Niece gave me BJ while sleeping

Q.   I went to visit my sister while i was driving thru calif. We had a BBQ and lots of drinks. Well around midnight i went to bed and passed out. About 3 am i was woken up to a really good blow job but the lights were off. I was thinking it was one of ...

A.   15 November 2009: He is an adult and she is a minor. The whole debate about him sleeping and being an innocent by stander in the incident could be made mute if she just decided to lie. No offense, but I would be more inclined to believe here if there were a court ... (read in full...)

I need help to stop masturbating

Q.   i am a 21 year old gal and i masturbate a lot. i know its wrong and i wish to stop. however i keep succumbing to temptation. i have a loving boyfriend and we have a decent sex life. i wish to limit myself only to him. and stop all with watching or ...

A.   15 November 2009: I think flicking your bean too often is the least of your worries. If you really want something to be concerned about watch the news for a while... ... (read in full...)

Niece gave me BJ while sleeping

Q.   I went to visit my sister while i was driving thru calif. We had a BBQ and lots of drinks. Well around midnight i went to bed and passed out. About 3 am i was woken up to a really good blow job but the lights were off. I was thinking it was one of ...

A.   15 November 2009: Don't ask Don't tell Stay very far away You might not go to jail... (read in full...)

He keeps hurting my feelings

Q.   Hi. At close to the beginning of this relationship, I set some boundaries with this guy, and one of them was not to call me or even joke about me being a bitch, because I'm not. This guy was my first. We got married and he still keeps joking o...

A.   15 November 2009: I am sure I will get flamed for this but here goes... How very bitchy of him...I mean really, this is the behavior of a little bitch. Am I the only one seeing this? Maybe you could simply tell him that you love it when he is in full possession ... (read in full...)

He says he wants me, but then acts weird

Q.   I am confused. I am getting very mixed signals from someone I have known for a while but only a few weeks ago started sleeping with. It started with flirting, a kiss, a drive and then sex, more texting and ending up spending an amazing night in a ...

A.   15 November 2009: Good one quiet-echo. Men really are not that hard to get the truth out of. We are horrible at concealing our true intentions. All you need is a few minutes of direct eye contact and a couple simple questions. I would caution you against the ... (read in full...)

Am I a normal 17 year old?

Q.   always, whenever i see a girl or a woman, my eyes first of all go to her breasts. i want to ask is this normal ? do other guys also have this ? i am 17...

A.   15 November 2009: The good news: Welcome to the wonderful world of being a heterosexual male. Soon you will admire the finer points and the subtle differences that make each pair a unique work of art. The bad news: Every woman knows when you are admiring her good... (read in full...)

How to steal my ex back from rebound?

Q.   My ex and I still talk frequently (almost every day, or more). How do I steal her back from her rebound boyfriend? ...

A.   15 November 2009: Honest moment here...mental issues aside. Tread lightly brother. Everybody has their challenges, some are lucky enough to have a medical explanation, but most are just the walking wounded trying to find peace in this chaotic world. Don't g... (read in full...)

What unusual name to do you have for your privates... and how did you get it?

Q.   Mine is petercheese. My girlfriend years ago gave me it. The first time she gave me head she said it squrted out like a can of ez cheese. So she called it peter cheese. ...

A.   14 November 2009: I am thankfully at an age now where my cock is only a 49% shareholder of all mergers and acquisitions. After a couple hostile take overs resulting in gross mis-treatment of my two very loyal union workers there is hope that a better treatmen... (read in full...)

How can I stop having these wrong feelings for my sister?

Q.   i have a serious problem. In the last 5 months or so, i dont know how... but i always accidentally end up watching my 15 year old sister naked. many a times its changing clothes, or her coming out of bathroom. we have adjacent rooms, so it inc...

A.   14 November 2009: 1-She shouldn't be prancing about naked 2-You should be closing your door 3-Get an issue of Victoria's Secret and point your fantasies elsewhere like young men have done for eons. ... (read in full...)

Mad crush!

Q.   I must confess. I think I have a problem. Frankly, I've developed a mad crush on a writer here. He's just so damn witty and a clever writer too. I totally enjoy reading his posts, even when he's wrong about a topic. This seems like one helluva man....

A.   14 November 2009: Dam, your right...certainly wouldn't want to confuse a positive emotion with bad food. After almost 40 years I still get giddy over almost anything. Thanks for bringing me down. That was a close one!... (read in full...)

Is it weird to make a silicone doll of my girlfriend?

Q.   Hi Agony Aunts! I have an interesting question that I want to ask. Well I love my girlfriend so much that I would want to do something grand. I am planning on making a life-size doll version of my girlfriend in silicone like the ones I have seen ...

A.   14 November 2009: Old men with doll hair are creepy...old women who's faces that are pulled so tight they look like they are in a wind tunnel are creepy...people in apartments with high powered telescopes pointed at they're neighbors are creepy...circus clowns with ... (read in full...)

Is it weird to make a silicone doll of my girlfriend?

Q.   Hi Agony Aunts! I have an interesting question that I want to ask. Well I love my girlfriend so much that I would want to do something grand. I am planning on making a life-size doll version of my girlfriend in silicone like the ones I have seen ...

A.   14 November 2009: This is high art and an example of true love here ladies...do not snicker...slaps on all your hands...or someplace else for those of you that like that... Many men have little dolls with needles in them of their girlfriends unlike this wild and... (read in full...)

I think I love him and I think he likes me back. I want to have sex... but will it fit?

Q.   I have a couple questions. my first question is that I have know this boy since i was 2 years old and i always thought of us as just friends and now i think i love him. I am 14 and he is almost 17. I think he likes me back but i just dont know wat...

A.   14 November 2009: Mr Q does have a very valid point even thought you may have been searching for a view with a little less moral fiber. The fact is he will fit inside you and you are also physically capable of bearing a child. You are also quite foolish if you t... (read in full...)

Mad crush!

Q.   I must confess. I think I have a problem. Frankly, I've developed a mad crush on a writer here. He's just so damn witty and a clever writer too. I totally enjoy reading his posts, even when he's wrong about a topic. This seems like one helluva man....

A.   14 November 2009: Dam! I am all warm and tingly inside now...getting ready to make a new "mad crush: post right now. ... (read in full...)

Mad crush!

Q.   I must confess. I think I have a problem. Frankly, I've developed a mad crush on a writer here. He's just so damn witty and a clever writer too. I totally enjoy reading his posts, even when he's wrong about a topic. This seems like one helluva man....

A.   14 November 2009: Ahhh ya called my bluff! I was blowing a little hot air I admit. I would just like to waft a sincere apology your way for my rank attempt at being clever. All the fart jokes aside your one of my favorite agony aunts. You can dish it out as well ... (read in full...)

Is it weird to make a silicone doll of my girlfriend?

Q.   Hi Agony Aunts! I have an interesting question that I want to ask. Well I love my girlfriend so much that I would want to do something grand. I am planning on making a life-size doll version of my girlfriend in silicone like the ones I have seen ...

A.   14 November 2009: It is only weird if the doll starts telling you to knock off your girlfriend and start a rubber girlfriend cult with her as the leader. Otherwise it sounds more rational than a lot of the shit we see these days. ... (read in full...)

Mad crush!

Q.   I must confess. I think I have a problem. Frankly, I've developed a mad crush on a writer here. He's just so damn witty and a clever writer too. I totally enjoy reading his posts, even when he's wrong about a topic. This seems like one helluva man....

A.   14 November 2009: Pooter? That word means like 3 different things in my experience... Ok... I will not argue with the fact that women generally have stronger intellects.Uhhhh golly geeeeee m'am could ya help me with your definition of "pooter". I am sure tha... (read in full...)

Mad crush!

Q.   I must confess. I think I have a problem. Frankly, I've developed a mad crush on a writer here. He's just so damn witty and a clever writer too. I totally enjoy reading his posts, even when he's wrong about a topic. This seems like one helluva man....

A.   14 November 2009: Ohhhh dear Tisha...you jest too far...the only nocturnal cacophony that ever happens in my bed could hardly be mistaken for snoring. I sincerely hope that your quip is not a reflection of personal experience. Despite all the testosterone driven ... (read in full...)

Mad crush!

Q.   I must confess. I think I have a problem. Frankly, I've developed a mad crush on a writer here. He's just so damn witty and a clever writer too. I totally enjoy reading his posts, even when he's wrong about a topic. This seems like one helluva man....

A.   12 November 2009: Aahhhh well, it all petered out like a bad episode of Bay Watch. I guess we can all go on to removing our asses from the computer chair, paying bills and feeding our families now. ... (read in full...)

Is my girlfriend controlling?

Q.   Hi All Please help My girlfriend of one year has these traits. She is too bossy * Says I do everything wrong around the house * Housework and cooking have to be done her way * If i clean kitchen but leave milk or sauce out she complains ...

A.   11 November 2009: Hmmmmm.... "However, she never stops me seeing family and friends which I believe is a big sign that someone is controlling, so may she is not controlling ??" Maybe she likes it when you are not home...not to rain on your otherwise shimme... (read in full...)

Mad crush!

Q.   I must confess. I think I have a problem. Frankly, I've developed a mad crush on a writer here. He's just so damn witty and a clever writer too. I totally enjoy reading his posts, even when he's wrong about a topic. This seems like one helluva man....

A.   11 November 2009: Hey Q...isnt "wind beneath my wings" a Bette Middler song from the movie Beaches? Its ok man...I cried at that one too. Why cant we just get some respect for our sensitive side? These women just see us as another witty clown at the circus. ... (read in full...)

How to steal my ex back from rebound?

Q.   My ex and I still talk frequently (almost every day, or more). How do I steal her back from her rebound boyfriend? ...

A.   11 November 2009: Sorry bro but my BS meter is going in high gear with all this. Unless you feel that you your life is lacking in drama and heartbreak... GET OUT!! ... (read in full...)

Mad crush!

Q.   I must confess. I think I have a problem. Frankly, I've developed a mad crush on a writer here. He's just so damn witty and a clever writer too. I totally enjoy reading his posts, even when he's wrong about a topic. This seems like one helluva man....

A.   11 November 2009: Dammm Q! You had me all inspired by the erotic value of a strong breeze and a mechanized female operator. Web cams are so trashy and below men like you and me. Lets help bring all this banal flirting up a few notches eh? ... (read in full...)

He wants to share a hotel room but I worry he'll think I am up for sex and I'm not!

Q.   I need some advice, me and this guy I work with flirt a lot and we have never been on a date, we have kissed a couple of times, sometimes at work or at work nightouts. He has always wanted more but nothing serious, my response is - not at work. ...

A.   10 November 2009: Simply tell him that you like him but there will be no hanky panky and you sleep with a 50 kilo volt taser under your pillow. ... (read in full...)

Mad crush!

Q.   I must confess. I think I have a problem. Frankly, I've developed a mad crush on a writer here. He's just so damn witty and a clever writer too. I totally enjoy reading his posts, even when he's wrong about a topic. This seems like one helluva man....

A.   10 November 2009: Awwwww come on eyes...you never left for a second. Quit playing hard to get!... (read in full...)

Mad crush!

Q.   I must confess. I think I have a problem. Frankly, I've developed a mad crush on a writer here. He's just so damn witty and a clever writer too. I totally enjoy reading his posts, even when he's wrong about a topic. This seems like one helluva man....

A.   10 November 2009: Hi girls! Me and Q are having a BBQ this Friday night and would love all of you to come. There will be plenty of kielbasa to go around and we will be wearing kiss the cook aprons (and nothing else). Hope to see you there! 815 12th Street Huntsvil... (read in full...)

My ex and I are still friends and have sex, he is not sure he wants to get back together, what should I do

Q.   my exs and i broke up..we are still friends and he tells me that he misses me alot and thinks about us and we still have sex. but hes not sure if he wants to get back with me. what should i do? ...

A.   10 November 2009: Well if you feel less valued as a woman and you see no future then it might be time to stop being fuck buddies. You cant really move on while you sitting on the fence. ... (read in full...)

How to steal my ex back from rebound?

Q.   My ex and I still talk frequently (almost every day, or more). How do I steal her back from her rebound boyfriend? ...

A.   10 November 2009: Hard as it might be to face, she might not be willing to go back to because she saw what can happen if you dont have your meds. It might have totally freaked her out. Who she is seeing now may be a reflection of her insecurities and you should h... (read in full...)

Do guys like it when women moan during sex?

Q.   Do guys like it when girls moan during sex?...

A.   10 November 2009: I assume you don't mean moaning about unfinished chores on the "honey do" list right? Hell yes we like it! One thing I didnt like was an ex who would be going so nuts I felt like I was a bystander in the whole experience. Sure she was having a... (read in full...)

Mad crush!

Q.   I must confess. I think I have a problem. Frankly, I've developed a mad crush on a writer here. He's just so damn witty and a clever writer too. I totally enjoy reading his posts, even when he's wrong about a topic. This seems like one helluva man....

A.   10 November 2009: I absolutely get crushes on the ladies here too sometimes! Awwww come on, isn't it only natural? We bare ourselves to each other in ways we wouldn't normally in our day to day lives. We can speak honestly without fear and false pretense. I don't ... (read in full...)

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