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... Send *ionee' a private message | | | *ionee''s profile:I'm a very enthusiastic and fun loving woman and I just simply love helping others. I am from the sunny city of Durban, South Africa.
I'm currently single and focusing on other aspects of my life such as work and studying. I love to write in my spare time, draw, sing and create content. I'm a very open minded person who likes making new friends and meeting new people.
I always aim to give the most honest advice that I can.
Anyone is welcome to mail me for private one on one advice.
May you all be blessed in your endeavours. |
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| Latest articles: It doesn't have to be complicated
No replies yet... 7 August 2013: I've been the agony aunt among the people I've known for a while. Those much older than me come to me. What would I know right? Thing is, I've always learned from the mistakes of others and gather What-Not-To-Do from that. Ever heard "A fo...
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LDR boyfriend won't come to see me for Christmas but will go see a friend whose father died
Q. I am in a long distance relationship. He lives 2 states away, about 8 hours per drive. We had a little spat a few weeks ago, and patched things up. However, because of this spat, he told me that he would not be coming home for Christmas. He said I ...
A. 17 December 2019: So you say that a "mutual friend" has lost his father? I'm confused as to why, if this friend really is a mutual friend, you would not be attending this funeral yourself... Unless it's one of those situations where a female befriends her man's ... (read in full...)
LDR boyfriend won't come to see me for Christmas but will go see a friend whose father died
Q. I am in a long distance relationship. He lives 2 states away, about 8 hours per drive. We had a little spat a few weeks ago, and patched things up. However, because of this spat, he told me that he would not be coming home for Christmas. He said I ...
A. 17 December 2019: So you say that a "mutual friend" has lost his father? I'm confused as to why, if this friend really is a mutual friend, you would not be attending this funeral yourself... Unless it's one of those situations where a female befriends her man's ... (read in full...)
How to deal with a best friend who buys cheap gifts?
Q. My best friend and I have always made an effort to buy each other nice, thoughtful gifts for birthdays and Christmas. The average amount we spent on each other was about 60$. In the past two years, I have noticed that she has been buying me i...
A. 17 December 2019: One of my love languages is gifts however I'm not one to focus on the cost of a gift. I'd prefer to get a cheaper gift and have someone do something more meaningful with the remainder of their gift budget. With that being said, a cost of the gift ... (read in full...)
My family never visits me and leave sit all up to me to see each other
Q. I live across the country from my family for work. Since I've moved, in three years, my family has only visited me twice. Every other visit has been my doing. I tell them I miss them. I tell them I'd like them to visit but they won't. They rely on ...
A. 11 December 2019: It's normal for you to want your family to visit you. You want to see them and spend time with them. I will ask though, how many family members are you expecting to travel to see you? It may be more convenient for one person to be inconvenienced in ... (read in full...)
Please help me understand an abusive man's actions
Q. Would a man who has been abusive to a woman deny his abusive behaviour if the woman finally exposed him to other people and she told them what he has been doing to her and why she left him and then he make up other excuses as to why she left him? A...
A. 11 December 2019: An abuser is a coward so such a person would definitely cover their own tracks in an effort to look good. Owning up to ones actions is far from their mind and saving face is all that matters. They're manipulative. Whatever and whomever they can ... (read in full...)
I don't understand why my daughter is attracted to an older guy with nothing going for him.
Q. my adult daughter is dating a guy that is lazy and unmotivated. he is almost 40 he only has an id no drivers license i want better for her and don't know how to talk to her. i don't understand....
A. 10 December 2019: This is tricky because there's actually nothing that you can do. I don't understand her actions either so I can't provide any insight as to what she'd be thinking but honestly there's nothing that you can do except let her make her own decisions and ... (read in full...)
I desperately need to get on birth control but I don't know where and how to get it
Q. I need to get on birth control because I heard my boyfriend is trying to get me pregnant (I'm 16 a Sophomore, he's 18 a Junior). My parents make it impossible, though. There are TWO clinics in our town that gives birth control to minors without ...
A. 10 December 2019: I think that you're in a really bad situation here. You're in a relationship with someone who is trying to trap you with a kid and probably leave you thereafter to be a single teen mom with parents who will probably despise you should it all happen. ... (read in full...)
Does every woman like oral sex?
Q. I was out with some male friends the other night and they all told me every woman they have slept with loved oral sex and had orgasms from it. I just admit I'm not a fan and never feel completely comfortable recieving oral. However I do like the ...
A. 10 December 2019: You're not weird. Not everyone likes it and there's nothing wrong with that. Some women have had bad experiences, been left constantly unsatisfied in the past and don't care for it at all anymore or find the sensations to be weird, which is all okay ... (read in full...)
I don't want my MIL in the delivery room!
Q. I've been with my husband for over a decade, we've been married for 7 years and have one child so far and one on the way. Over the years, my mother in law has made several disrespectful comments about my mom and some of my other family members. She ...
A. 30 November 2019: I think that since you're the one giving birth, it's your right to say who you'd like in the delivery room with you.
As far as the whole beef between your mom and MIL goes, perhaps try not to get involved or even comment on the situation and esca... (read in full...)
Can please someone tell me if I'm being manipulated or am I just controlling and delusional.
Q. (Please read my previous post) So I wrote this post a little while ago: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-dont-trust-my-boyfriend-around-his-female.html After blocking that girl, he promised me that he wouldn't talk to her again, and that he w...
A. 23 November 2019: You're wrong for being controlling and he's wrong for punishing you. It seems like the two of you aren't the best fit. This sort of a cycle probably won't be broken any time soon so you have a serious decision to make as to whether or not this is ... (read in full...)
I've been married three months and I am totally miserable!
Q. Firstly, thanks for taking the time to read and respond.. I’m miserable, totally. Been married 3 months although we dated for 8 years. My husband sleeps on the floor when we fight. At first he claimed to have a bad back and generally prefer...
A. 23 November 2019: You guys dated for 8years so I ask; did he do all the things that you require in those 8years and just stopped or did he never do those things in those 8years but you married him anyway hoping that that would somehow change? I think that's what ... (read in full...)
Is it childish of me to tell my mother about our arguments?
Q. Hello agony aunts. I'm in my first serious relationship with a man. I've only dated a few guys before but it wasn't that serious and more like short term relationships. Since I'm taking things serious with this man and planning to get engaged,...
A. 23 November 2019: When in a relationship, it's always smart to be careful who you vent to. I often advise people to choose one person to vent to. Preferably not a parent... Because... A parent never forgets how their child was treated. For instance, even if things ... (read in full...)
How do I not offend people who are trying to help me?
Q. How do I not offend people who would like to help me? I will lose my job in two months – end of January. The firm I work for will go bankrupt due to some bad decisions my bosses have made, by their own admission. I will get a very small severan...
A. 23 November 2019: I agree with the other aunts. Your delivery here is pretty good and I don't see how they would take offence to you trying to figure things out before accepting a handout. You seem extremely hard working and willing to work hard for what you want so ... (read in full...)
How can I convince my fiance to stop lying?
Q. Hello and thank you So I’m dealing with lies from my fiancé. I have confronted him and told him I don’t appreciate when he lies to me and it makes me not trust him. For example I’ll ask him so how was your night, what did you do? He will say...
A. 23 November 2019: One cannot convince anyone to do anything that they themselves are not inherently willing to do. You have a decision to make here on whether or not you want to marry this guy. Stop driving yourself crazy by playing detective... This is going to wear ... (read in full...)
I want to take things slow but he thinks I am just stringing him along.
Q. I've been dating this guy for 6 months, at first everything seemed great and he seemed like a gentleman, now I'm just having a hard time understanding his intentions. I'm not the type of girl who goes and sleeps around with any guy I date. I like t...
A. 23 November 2019: I agree with the professor that it was definitely inappropriate doing that on campus. I also agree with the other aunts that say that the two of you are NOT a good fit. He cannot respect your boundaries and that in and of itself is a red flag. There ... (read in full...)
Why are people obsessed with having a "spark" when dating?
Q. I went on a date with a new guy last week (not the same person my recent threads have been about). When I met him I thought he was nice looking but I didn't feel this 'spark' everyone keeps going on about. I enjoyed his conversation and felt we had ...
A. 17 November 2019: I agree with wiseowl with regards to you probably coming off as nonchalant and him taking that as a sign that you don't really like him that much and still want to see if you feel anything.
To be honest, the entire concept of a 'spark' is open ... (read in full...)
I’m focused on school so I don’t see the need for relationships. Is that selfish or wrong somehow?
Q. I broke up recently with my boyfriend of 7 months, because I was definitely mistaken love for infatuation. The problem is, I felt really good about us being together the first two months, although things between us happened quickly, and we rushed ...
A. 14 November 2019: The fact that you're focusing on your education is a good thing. You're already being financially responsible from a young age and that will really help set a good tone for your life in the long run and that's a really good thing. There is nothing ... (read in full...)
Should I fade my manipulative friend out?
Q. I have been "best friends" with a woman for over 25 years. I started to notice when the bill came at dinner, or anywhere we were, she'll begin to complain about how broke she is and I'd end up either paying the entire bill or some of her ...
A. 12 November 2019: This is definitely a one-sided friendship. I've been on the same side that you're on so I understand how frustrating and infuriating it can be. She definitely has been using you and I'd definitely say that the whole ticket incident was basically ... (read in full...)
He started talking to other women while I was giving him the silent treatment to make him realize some things!
Q. How can a husband dare to find a woman online joining different dating sites and talking to them women. And even send money to the women. When I found out this one early morning It breaks my heart into tiny pieces.Cos I never thought and I never ...
A. 9 November 2019: The whole silent treatment thing hardly ever works in one's favour which is why I suggest communicating instead of the whole silent treatment option mostly because expecting someone to telepathically know what you're thinking and feeling when giving ... (read in full...)
Don't like to see the signs of the girls he's been with in the past
Q. In love with my boyfriend of a year sex and love life is great but I feel like I can’t fully give my self to him he has so many back scars scratches from another or other females in the past I hate seeing him in the light with no shirt seeing other ...
A. 9 November 2019: The scratches are that deep? That's pretty odd and you seem pretty tormented by it.
What you need to realise is that it's all psychological. Everyone has a past of some sort. Especially a sexual past once you're past a certain age, realisti... (read in full...)
Would you be scared to email someone you treated badly?
Q. if you knew that you had treated someone very badly and they left you and changed their phone number, and they lived in a different country from you and so you asked a mutual friend to contact them by email and they more or less ignored that mutual ...
A. 9 November 2019: It's pretty clear that this person wishes never to be contacted by you. My advice is that you respect their wishes and move on. I understand that you would possibly like to right your wrongs however, it seems as though whatever you done, left a ... (read in full...)
Why are straight guys upset when gay guys don't like them?
Q. Today I had a conversation with a guy who found out I'm gay. Him - It's fine with me, just don't come on to me. Me - Don't worry, you're not my type. Him - What do you mean I'm not your type? Me - I don't find you attractive. H...
A. 9 November 2019: I agree with the other aunts... It's an ego being bruised that's the problem. I know loads of people that may not want someone but still want to be admired by that person regardless, just to feel like they've got it going on. It's so weird but hey, ... (read in full...)
I love my girlfriend but am lusting after her mom
Q. I love my girlfriend but I can't stop lusting after her Mum. Is there something wrong with me? We've been together for 2 years and are both 24. Her Mum is 41. I don't know what it is but over the past few months or so I've started finding her Mum ...
A. 9 November 2019: You relationship is basically over. Nobody appreciates being tolerated so don't feel as though simply tolerating your gf makes you a good guy. Setting her free would be preferable so that she can find someone that truly loves, appreciates and is ... (read in full...)
My future mother in law is irresponsible, especially with money.
Q. I've been in a consistent relationship for 8 years (on and off for the first 2 years if you count them then 10 years in total). And engaged for 4 with our wedding in 2 years time. Over the past couple of years we've had nothing but issues with ...
A. 15 October 2019: I think that you have done too much already and now she has this expectation of you guys with regards your resources and your time.
If she is irresponsible with money, don't give her any. Many arguments are born from even bringing up the subject ... (read in full...)
I lied to my ex boyfriend about my pregnancy
Q. i lied to my ex boyfriend about my pregnancy and i wanna now how i can get him to talk to me again its so hard not to think about him i can't get no sleep at night cause all i do is think about him what should i do i need help....
A. 13 October 2019: Did you lie that you were pregnant and you weren't? Or did you lie that you weren't pregnant and you were? Or did you lie that the baby was his and it wasn't? Or vice versa?... (read in full...)
My ex gave me money with no strings attached to buy land but my husband is upset
Q. I have been married for four years... But we stay in our father inlaws house. My husband has a job but doesn't know how to manage his finances..so we haven't invested much. More so his growing old and is to retire in the next 10years. We have two ...
A. 13 October 2019: I refuse to believe that he gave you that money with no strings attached.
Regardless of your financial situation, to go to an EX for financial help is wrong. I'm sorry. It's wrong. Any future your children will have is now dependent on how this... (read in full...)
My boyfriend expects me to cut his family's hair for free since I will soon be a hairdresser
Q. I'm about to qualify as a hairdresser and my bf if expects me to cut his families hair for free otherwise he says it will be awkward? He has a large family and I've spent nearly a year and half working for apprenticeship wage. Am I right to be ...
A. 13 October 2019: For him to suggest that is inconceivable to me. This is your craft, your career, your livelihood... Why should you pass up on earning what is yours to keep just because HE is related to them. I don't think that family members should get free ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's grandma doesn't like me or approve of me!
Q. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and we have decided to get married. The thing is I feel like his grandma doesn’t like me at all for some reason and he kept saying she did. Then today, his sister was talking about babies and I just made a ...
A. 13 October 2019: This is a tricky situation. Some aunts advise waiting it out which I can tell you, sometimes doesn't work. I know people who are in marriages that were never accepted by the mom or the gran and eventually it takes its toll whether or not your man ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is repulsing me.
Q. This is going to sound really bad, but i am starting to get really repulsed by my bf. We broke up breifly this yr n got bk together for the kids but i still feel the same. I see him like a friend, no spark, nothing in common anymore and i honestly ...
A. 13 October 2019: Why torture yourself by staying in a relationship with someone whom you're repulsed by?
Why do people stay together for the kids anyway? All that does is show them what it's like to know what not being in love looks like. It's psycholo... (read in full...)
My husband spends large amounts of money on prayer and food for God. I find this strange
Q. Thanks for your advice My husband does things that I find someone concerning. He is from Africa and he spends large amounts of money on prayer and eats food with God only knows what is in it. When I tell him to pray without giving these peo...
A. 13 October 2019: Where about in Africa is he from? I'm from South Africa and this is super odd to me. I know loads of central and northern African countries have these so called 'prophets' that scam people out of their hard earned money. There are even some mega ... (read in full...)
Do I gain weight to please him?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We have a child together. When I was pregnant he told me that I better get the weight off after delivery. He said “fat girls don’t get love”. So I did it. I lost all the baby weight within 11 ...
A. 12 October 2019: I agree with the aunts that have said that you're being abused.
The fact that you've managed to lose the weight is such an accomplishment and you should be so incredibly proud of what you've done thus far. He's managed to undermine what you've d... (read in full...)
I want to be more open about my personality on my online profile but will it come across as creepy?
Q. I'm a guy who has decided to start trying online dating. One thing that I would like is to be open about my personality in my profile and what I seek but don't know if it's going to send the right message. As a person, I'm quite introverted and ...
A. 12 October 2019: I think it's good that you want to be genuine. With that being said, online profiles need to contain just enough information but not too much information because that's what the actual date is for. You have to put just enough out there to want to ... (read in full...)
Is it ever OK to meet an online contact for sex?
Q. Is it ever Ok to meet an online date for a hook up? I am not looking for anything serious but have been online dating for about 6 months. This one guy who favourited me and I was messaging gave me his whatsapp and keeps asking me to come over being ...
A. 12 October 2019: Besides the possible safety risk that this could pose, I'll take a moment to remind you that we live in a world where there are these real things called STDs which the hookup culture doesn't really acknowledge these days. Your health is super ... (read in full...)
I'm so relieved he dumped me, but I do feel dirty and gross.
Q. I'm 14 years old and was just dumped by my first boyfriend. I am not sad, I am relieved! Literally when we hung up, I said, "thank God that's finally over!" Having a boyfriend was not what I thought it would be.i thought I'd have a guaranteed dat...
A. 7 October 2019: OP, this Marc kid sounds like a little creep who was never worth your time. It's good that you've figured out what dating in today's world can be sometimes so hopefully you will hold off on dating other guys now until you're a bit older and better ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend hangs out with male friend and and don’t tell me
Q. My girlfriend soon to be finance chills with my best friend but i didn’t know about it . We broke up for like 2 days then she goes drunk and she tells me her sister went with her but i can’t ask her sister about it because her sister will lie for ...
A. 7 October 2019: You seem to be kind of obsessed with catching them or her out when the details don't even matter. You're on a rant about how you basically don't trust her and that's the main issue. You could very well marry this girl knowing that you'd probably ... (read in full...)
My ex has my stuff. How long do I wait to contact him?
Q. Dear cupid.. my ex and were together for 2 years. He broke up with me and then slowly crept back into my life then I cought him perusing a relationship with another woman whiles telling me sweet nothings. Well when I found out I cut him loose I ...
A. 7 October 2019: It probably isn't a good idea to go back there so soon after everything especially since you're still feeling some type of way about him. That's something that you need to get over sooner rather than later For your own good mainly because seeing him ... (read in full...)
My live in lover found out that I am not divorced like I said I was
Q. Hello, I am almost 30 yrs old and have made the worst mistake. I had bn living contently in a broken marriage for 5yrs hurting everyday from what my spouse put me through. Finally i decided i deserved happiness and took matters into my own hands. I ...
A. 6 October 2019: Firstly, you lied. Point, blank, period. You were cheating on your husband with an unsuspecting, third party and you thought you could live a double life and rope someone else in on it without having to be made to feel guilty for your deception ... (read in full...)
I was goingto press charges against my ex, but now I am having second thoughts. How do I move forward?
Q. I dated this guy for about 10 years and I thought he was a nice guy until recently. I realize he is a liar and just toxic. I waited for about 3 years to gather enough information on him to press charges. Now that the time is here I am having a hard ...
A. 6 October 2019: Perhaps you're going over everything in your head and bringing up all of the good memories and talking yourself out of doing what you know you should do. There is probably a part of you that feels as though it would be betraying him to press ... (read in full...)
Why does my friend get upset when I call him "buddy"?
Q. The other day I called my guy friend, “buddy”. He did not take this well and said not to call him that. But we have been friends for years. Why is this such a problem? ...
A. 6 October 2019: This is usually the case when someone doesn't want to be seen as a friend because they have actual feelings for you and you're friendzoning them by calling them your friend. He's probably tried to exit the friend zone but sadly, to no avail.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend went on a business trip and ghosted
Q. My boyfriend of four months left for a business trip to another state on Sunday. Everything was normal and he said he couldn't wait to see me this weekend. We usually communicate daily. However, he hasn't reached out once and all of my texts and ...
A. 6 October 2019: This relationship is fairly new. Yes it's horrible what he done but I think you've made matters worse by sending that last text which I gather was the last of many attempts. All I can say is, take what dignity you have left and move on. Don't show ... (read in full...)
.is this normal for couples after being together for 8 years?
Q. My girlfriend and I split up 9 months ago but remained friends. Our friendship was a little odd, we had sex a couple of times at the beginning, we still held hands, cuddled but didn't spend as much time together. We would then go a period of ...
A. 6 October 2019: There is a reason why the two of you broke up, surely. I think that she still bears this in mind and is cognisant of the fact. It actually more often than you think. Your relationship is what was familiar, it was safe, she knows you, you know her, ... (read in full...)
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