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*esirewhitefire

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Am I being selfish because I want to be a mother?

Q.   I've been married for a year and a half together for four. I believe I'm ready to have a child, I'm in my late 20s and I want to be a mother. My husband is not ready. Throughout everything in our relationship I always have to be the submissive ...

A.   24 March 2009: If you want to stay married, then you need to do as he asks. How would you like it if you weren't ready for a child and he constantly pressured you to have one? Wouldn't you get frustrated, angry, and defensive? He doesn't want a child right now,... (read in full...)

Can't get a job and feel worthless!

Q.   Hi. I lost my job to the recession and credit crunch in September and I have been unable to land another job. I've applied for hundreds of jobs. I've had one interview and the rest never bother getting back to me. I even tried to get a job at a ...

A.   23 March 2009: As long as you're trying, it's all that matters. My husband quit his job back in October, and since then he hasn't even tried to find a new job. I wouldn't think he's such a bastard if he at least tried. ... (read in full...)

Can using a vibrator ruin your vagina?

Q.   would using a vibrator ruin my vagina? would it give me BV or would the vibrating make it look different than a regular vigina?...

A.   23 March 2009: You can desensitize your nerve endings from using a vibrator too much, but if you stop using the vibrator for a while, you should be able to get feeling back. WHen my husband and I first bought a vibrator, we used it a lot, and when he would try to ... (read in full...)

Is 30 years old, OLD?

Q.   is 30 years old ,old? because i think its old. ...

A.   23 March 2009: No, 30 isn't old. It just sounds old. :)... (read in full...)

I'm worried that I had sex too early

Q.   I had sex with my bf for the first time last week and I'm worried that it happened too early. It was my first time but not his. It was left totally up to me by him, I was not at all pressured into it and I really wanted it to be him, but I get the ...

A.   22 March 2009: Well, from my own personal experience, the boyfriends I slept with early never lasted. The only relationship that lasted the longest for me was almost 6 years, and we didn't sleep together for the first year. We got to know each other and fell in ... (read in full...)

Does your boyfriend watch endless hours of tv?

Q.   Does your boyfriend watch endless hours of tv? I am so sick of it! It is on from the minute he gets home, until he finally falls asleep! We used to have fun together, but now I stay in the living room, on my computer and he stays in the bedroom ...

A.   20 August 2008: lol, yeah, my husband does that, too. But I can drag him out at least once a week. Go into the bedroom with him, maybe put the moves on him. He'll probably get the point. Just don't whine about it. That'll make him shut down real quick. ... (read in full...)

Why does my boyfriend betray me by masturbating? I want to end it!

Q.   Dear Cupid , I just caught my boyfriend masterbating I feel like if he has betrayed me. I ask him if he doesnt like our sex but he answers that he does. So why does he do it. It makes me feel like i dont mean nothing to him. do you think that its...

A.   20 August 2008: Let it go. This is probably the dumbest thing your going to argue about with him. You won't win, and you sound like some kind of pleasure warden. Who are you to tell him when he can have pleasure? His only outlet for sexual release is through you? ... (read in full...)

I'd really like to give my partner a G-spot orgasm, can you give me tips?

Q.   i try to keep things interesting with my partner sexually. We have a great time, and are really into things. Some of the ideas we've explored were blended orgasms, "jewel honoring", tantra, and other esoteric ideas... But I was wondering about so...

A.   18 August 2008: I'm going to try to explain this in the best way possible without the benefit of pictures, lol. After she's properly aroused, have her lay on her side in the fetal position, with her legs drawn to her chest as far as she can get them and still be r... (read in full...)

How do I let go of this anger? And how do I let him know how I feel?

Q.   last month i posted a question on here about the guy i was seeing / sleeping with and how i didn't know if we were i a relationship or not [ the question is here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/are-we-in-a-relationship-just-without-the.html ]. ...

A.   18 August 2008: Him cheating on you happened when you two were dating. You two are no longer dating, so it's no longer an issue. You want to stay friends with him, but you still want to make him feel like shit. That's typical behavior for someone who was hurt very... (read in full...)

I didn't reach to climaxing in my relationships, does my problem have anything to do with the way I masturbate?

Q.   When i masturbate, i do it face down, rubbing my clitoris in a pillow, floor or bed and my orgasms are amazing. I've tried to masturbate the regular way, just by sitting or laying down on a bed face up, and rub my clitoris with my fingers or ...

A.   10 July 2008: I was with my exboyfriend for 5 years. We started dating when I was 16 and I didn't have an orgasm with him until I was 20, even though I could give myself one. The only other person who was able to give me an orgasm is my husband, and I dated a lo... (read in full...)

Tight or flappy down there - what do guys prefer?

Q.   Ok got a question. I know all women are different "down there", but what do you guys generally think of labia or flaps or whatever you want to call them. I've seen girls who have really short labias, and then girls with really puffy labias and ...

A.   10 July 2008: I asked my husband and he gave me an odd look, like that's the last question he would ever expect to be asked. I really don't think it matters. ... (read in full...)

How do I deal with someone who seems intent on killing every pleasure I have in life?

Q.   My husband has a real problem with my having an interest in anything other than doing for him. No matter what my latest interest, he goes after it complaining until I finally give it up. This includes things such as being a Girl Scout leader, being ...

A.   23 March 2008: Well, this could stem from a few emotional problems he has. He's either very unhappy with himself, or he's a control nut. I'm going to assume he's unhappy with himself because if it was a control thing, he would force you to do activities with him ... (read in full...)

My teacher and I get lost in each other's eyes! I don't know what to do!

Q.   well im in 11th grade,17 years old and im love with my goverment teacher,i have know him since 9th grade,hes always there for me,and no lie i love to flirt with him,he does the same but at times he keeps it on the low.alot of girls in my school have ...

A.   23 March 2008: It's against the law in the united states for a teacher to have any sort of relationship with a student, regardless of the student's age. You need to respect that and him. He could go to jail and your reputation would go downhill very quickly. Have ... (read in full...)

Can doing it "Doggie Style" be dangerous?

Q.   my boyfriend and I love having sex doggy style. but afterwards it feels like there is air in my abdominal area. is that dangerous?...

A.   23 March 2008: You're fine. The same thing happens to me, and the last time I went to a gyno appointment, I asked my doctor about it and he said there was nothing to worry about, it's probably from air being pushed into my cervix and it's slowly seeping out rather ... (read in full...)

My man recently accused me of messing around with his brother! Should I stay with him after this?!!

Q.   My man recently accused me of messing around with his brother! Should I stay with him or let him go? I find the accusation very disrespectful!!! Then he tells me his family told him about me- these are the very same people who smile to my face ...

A.   23 March 2008: Oh my God, I'm having deja vu here. My husband's family use to talk about me all the time and they said some very horrible things about me behind my back to my husband, but whenever I was around them, they were sweet as pie and treated me like I w... (read in full...)

Girlfriend gets really pissed about my ex!! What can I do?

Q.   Hello all. My girlfriend of about 6 months has some amazing notions and has me a little upset. She gets pissed at the min I'm at my ex's, i.e. picking up my kids, driving by if I didn't get a chance to see them for a while,etc. She basically says ...

A.   23 March 2008: She's insecure and a control freak. She likes being in charge and telling you who you can and can't spend time with, but meanwhile she gets to gallivant with anyone she pleases, and then expects you to just take it and swallow it down. P... (read in full...)

What is happening here? I feel my husband is no longer in love with me!

Q.   Hello, I would like if you all could just give me some advice.Next month will make it 16yrs of marriage.My husband is a good provider and I know that he cares for me but I am not sure that he is inlove with me.We have 2 kids by the way. one 14 and ...

A.   23 March 2008: Honestly, what I think is he still loves you, you've just gotten to a point in your marriage where things seems to have taken a stand still. You are not the first woman to go through this and you surely won't be the last. I can't tell you the last... (read in full...)

I know it's for the best, but help me find closure and seal the deal to stay apart!

Q.   Me and My boyfriend of 3 years just broke up recently we always used to break up on n off but this time i know it's for real because this time he's said that he doesn't love me anymore but mayb we'll meet in the future, that i'm his first love and ...

A.   23 March 2008: I dated this one guy for 5 years, and during that time we broke up three times, the third time being the last. I took it very hard and I thought I would never recover each time we parted. It took me a year to get over him the last time we part... (read in full...)

After 2 years do I decide 2 split?

Q.   I have been with myboyfriend now for 2 years but recently we have been arguing a lot is it worth carrying on with? ...

A.   20 March 2008: Arguments happen in every relationship. It really depends on what the arguments are about. If you're arguing about important things, like he wants you to change or you want him to change, then it's time to move on. Other things like money, parents, ... (read in full...)

My in-laws are very cold towards me and my husband does nothing about this!

Q.   friends i am in a problem and would appreciate your exprienced answers, me and my husband were very happy few days back but now my in-laws are poking their nose between us even they are in india and we are staying in singapore; still they are ...

A.   13 March 2008: Oh yes, very familiar on this end, too. My husband is also Indian and his parents just BABY him. His mother's big nose is in the middle of our business all the time. When we first got married, she insisted that I change my middle name to his first ... (read in full...)

Is this too much? I don't think it's right to go to a place like that without your significant other.

Q.   my boyfriend is going on a two week bike trip in the summer... which is a long time.. their last destination is to spend one or two days at a bike rally.. I don't feel completely comfortable with a boyfriend being in that type of environment where ...

A.   13 March 2008: There's no need for you to tag along. If you go, you're pretty much saying, "I don't trust you." If you feel that you really need to go, then you need to break up. No one can be in a relationship with someone and not trust them. My husband goes... (read in full...)

Why am I dreaming of my boss, will something happen?

Q.   Hi, a bit of advice please? Im 20 this year and Im in a happy 2 year relationship but recently I had a dream that I was kissing my sort of boss at work! And now I cant get him out of my head, I've always found him attractive but havent really ...

A.   13 March 2008: I had a dream one time that my boss and I had sex. And I couldn't look him in the face for weeks after that. I think it's normal you had the dream, but stop obsessing over it. It doesn't mean anything- it was just a dream. I've had some pretty craz... (read in full...)

How do I have a proper relationship with my crush?

Q.   hey, i'm sure this is like the main question that you get, but oh well :) i'm 15 and have been in love with the same boy for 3 years. the problem is, i am shy anyway but go even more so whenever im around him and go bright red if i just hear his...

A.   13 March 2008: Aw, I remember when I went through that at your age. There was this guy Will that I had a huge crush on and my friends did, too. But they embarrassed me really bad one day and told him I liked him at the lunch table where we all sat. I was ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend wants me to give him oral sex but I don't want to...what should I do??

Q.   My boyfriend wants me to preform oral sex but I don't want to. What should I do?...

A.   25 January 2008: Have you ever tried giving oral sex? I actually enjoy doing it. Loads of women like doing it. It's such a turn on to hear my husband moan and pant and know that I'm the one who's making him feel that way. But in any case, no, you shouldn't do anyt... (read in full...)

What are the after effects of interrupting a diet, on your birthday? Should I turn down the cake?

Q.   hi i have been trying to lose weight for about a week and i am not expecting any results as i am not on a drastic diet, jsut healthier eating. I want to be much slimmer by summer 08 and i want the weight to stay off. however, it is my birt...

A.   15 January 2008: For one thing, you are much too young to be worrying about your weight like this. You say it's for healthier eating, which is good, but at the end of your question you say that you want to look slimmer by summer and you really need the confidence ... (read in full...)

Do women actually like the 'needier' man and enjoy caretaking him?

Q.   Does anyone think that some women can actually like needy guys who never got love from their mothers?I guess I'm asking are there women who like to take care of men? And if so,why?...

A.   15 January 2008: Men who haven't had good relationships with their mothers almost always have a hang up about women. It can develop into anxiety disorders and the man could end up acting like a child for the rest of his life, and force a woman he's in a relationship ... (read in full...)

Help! I can't get it 'up' for her and I don't want to lose her!

Q.   Hey. I am 17 years old. Recently, I have been with a very close friend of mine, whom I have known since pretty much the beginning of high school. She is one of my best friends, we hang out all the time, and we basically talk about everything with ...

A.   15 January 2008: Just take a deep breath and RELAX. You're getting yourself so worked up about disappointing her, you can't preform. Stop thinking negatively, and the next time you two get intimate, go into the situation knowing that you can do it and you're going ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is overweighted and since I think we might start having sex soon I want to be prepared, what is the most comfortable positions for us regarding he is much heavier than me??

Q.   This is a bit of a strange question but something I'm curious about. Started seeing a guy. He's not massively obese but he is overweight. I don't mind that though cos he's such a lovely guy and he makes me laugh loads. We've been getting closer ...

A.   10 January 2008: My husband is pretty chubby, and we do well in almost any position we want. It is uncomfortable for me when we do missionary and he rests forward on his arms, because then it feels like I'm being smothered and can't breathe. (He's just got a big ... (read in full...)

I can't be physically intimate with women.

Q.   Today I was in a conversation with a 15 year-old lad I know and the conversation drifted past the question of being a virgin in terms of peer pressure. While trying to exercise the maturity and responsible adult attitude in response to this I found ...

A.   11 November 2007: The first step in this would be to stop being so hard on yourself. What is it about your life that makes you feel melancholic? Is there anything that you can do to change that? Are you intimidated by women? Everyone has a fifty fifty chance when... (read in full...)

I blossomed before most of my friends, is that normal

Q.   I 'blossomed' before most of my friends. Is that normal? I play alot of sports, and run almost everyday, could that hvae something to do with it? Please help I feel like some kind of freak....

A.   11 November 2007: I think every girl feels that way when they first develop into a woman. I was bustier than most of my friends when I was 13, and I turned out normal. :) Don't worry, you're fine. And if any one makes fun of you, it's because they're jealous. ... (read in full...)

Worries about masterbation.

Q.   I masturbated in the shower, i took care to only cum in the corner directly into the drainhole. No visible cum got onto my fingers and i rinsed them lots afterwards. I even rinsed the bar soap (which i did not use to masturbate) about 3 times and ...

A.   11 November 2007: Sperm can't attach themselves to a bar of soap, so if it's rinsed, they will just slip right off. And I don't think it's possible for them to crawl up her leg when she's standing in the tub. ... (read in full...)

My husband wakes me up every night at 2am... touching me! Why?

Q.   This is sort of an odd thing, but here goes. Every night almost, I am waken up by my husband rubbing my citoris with his fingers. This usually happens at around 2-3 a.m. We have a 6 month old baby and I am 5 months pregnant. Well, he only gets ...

A.   4 November 2007: Ha, I use to wake up to my boyfriend rubbing the insides of my thighs. If I gave even the smallest hint that I was awake, he was right on top of me, pulling my clothes off. Sometimes I would fall back asleep while he was going at it. He would do ... (read in full...)

I want to leave him. How can we avoid an arguement?

Q.   I need some serious advise if anyone can please help. This is going to be long, so please be patient. My husband and I will be married for 3 years in January. We have known each other for nearly 7 years and have a daughter who just turned 5. We were ...

A.   2 November 2007: Oh, this sounds so familiar. A long time ago, my boyfriend at the time and I moved in together. It was the biggest mistake of my life. His one and only job in the house was to take the garbage out. And guess what never got done. The garbage alwa... (read in full...)

Should I just move on?

Q.   BF for over a year has told me that he is not emotionally and financially ready for marriage. We're both 31 years old. Does he mean that I am not the one for him and I should move on? ...

A.   30 October 2007: No, it means he's not emotionally and financially ready for marriage. Be happy that he admitted to it now instead of waiting until you are married and you two fall apart. Give him a little more time to get organized and his thoughts straight, it'll ... (read in full...)

Divorcing is a disgrace to my religeon... But I feel trapped. Help me!

Q.   In my religion, it's a disgrace to divorce, and very rare. And the thing is, I've had a husband since I was 13 and now, I'm 19. I feel trapped, I see myself just doing everything for him, with him forcing me to do things, to have sex with him, get a ...

A.   29 October 2007: You need to just up and leave. Try and find a Christian group in India and ask them for help. ... (read in full...)

Is she too old for me?

Q.   Simple question that has been eating at me for a few days. I met a great woman and have tons in common with her. we get along great, make good friends, talk for hours and just adore each other. We clicked instantly and i really like her. Only ...

A.   27 October 2007: No, of course not. There's someone for everyone in the world, and maybe the one for you is a woman 14 years older than you. If you get along so well and there's that chemistry between you, then go for it. Actually, my exboyfriend married one of my ... (read in full...)

Am I overweight, too skinny or just right?

Q.   Look, Im 14 and Im 5ft1/61 inches/155cm and weigh 101 pounds/7 and a half stone. Am I overweight, too skinny, or just right? be honest please....

A.   27 October 2007: Oh geez, I thought her height said 5'6". She's 5'1". Yes, 101 is a perfect weight for that height at your age. When you go from a teenager to an adult, 105-110 is a healthy weight to maintain. DO not go any lower than 100 pounds, though, you'll ... (read in full...)

Divorcing is a disgrace to my religeon... But I feel trapped. Help me!

Q.   In my religion, it's a disgrace to divorce, and very rare. And the thing is, I've had a husband since I was 13 and now, I'm 19. I feel trapped, I see myself just doing everything for him, with him forcing me to do things, to have sex with him, get a ...

A.   27 October 2007: My boyfriend is Indian (he's converted to Christianity from Hindu), and I know how terrifying his family can be. If you want to keep in touch with me for support and understanding and someone to just write to, please, contact me via internal... (read in full...)

Divorcing is a disgrace to my religeon... But I feel trapped. Help me!

Q.   In my religion, it's a disgrace to divorce, and very rare. And the thing is, I've had a husband since I was 13 and now, I'm 19. I feel trapped, I see myself just doing everything for him, with him forcing me to do things, to have sex with him, get a ...

A.   26 October 2007: Arranged marriages, especially one with the wife being so young, normally do not end up in the greatest of happiness. Sure, you learn to love each other; you're quite forced to love each other, really. For the benefit of everyone else, I will poi... (read in full...)

Am I overweight, too skinny or just right?

Q.   Look, Im 14 and Im 5ft1/61 inches/155cm and weigh 101 pounds/7 and a half stone. Am I overweight, too skinny, or just right? be honest please....

A.   25 October 2007: After working at the Children's Hospital here in Boston, I have seen some young ladies with serious eating problems, be they over weight or underweight. The proper weight you should be at 5'6" at your age is 120 pounds, and when you reach 18, you ... (read in full...)

I really like him and he says he doesnt. Should I kiss him anyways?

Q.   I like this guy and I sent him a note asking if he liked me....but he cheked no.....and i still really like him and so does my friend but he said he doesnt like her either......and I still realllly reaaaaaly like him....should i just go up to him ...

A.   25 October 2007: No, don't kiss him. You're not ready to kiss anyone if you're sending boys notes saying, "Do you like me? Circle 'Yes" or 'No'." Wait until you are older, like 16 before you go kissing boys. ... (read in full...)

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