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*arrellG agony aunt

*arrellG

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*arrellG's profile:

I am a 36 y/o single male. I have extensive life experience and have taken a course in Christian Counselling which I passed.I am also internet savvy and am Editor In Chief of a popular blog.

I take an active in interest in gaming, tv, films, politics and theology and sport. I enjoy helping people as much as I can.

< Prev123Next > [3 pages, 86 answers]

How can I believe there is good in the world?

Q.   I can't stop wishing badly on people that have done me wrong - I fee like I'm stuck into waiting for karma to get people back that I'm watching my life waste away. I have been wronged very wrong end by a lover and friends and I've been a pushover or ...

A.   28 July 2016: I understand how you feel. It is a normal, a-typical, human response to suffering and pain. However, these emotions are literally eating into your soul and killing you. I dont believe in Karma, but I do believe in judgement and I do believe that ... (read in full...)

My married BF says I worry too much that he is going to be unfaithful to me. Is it all my fault?

Q.   Hi. I've been dating a married man for 3 years now. We have incredible sex together and lots of fun. We get along very well and are sexually perfect for each other. I care a lot for him. He cares for me. However, my insecurity issues ...

A.   27 July 2016: Actually, I want to change my answer to this completely having actually read it properly. Its not insecurity - its your guilt and your conscience slowly eating away at you. The solution is simple. End it. ... (read in full...)

My married BF says I worry too much that he is going to be unfaithful to me. Is it all my fault?

Q.   Hi. I've been dating a married man for 3 years now. We have incredible sex together and lots of fun. We get along very well and are sexually perfect for each other. I care a lot for him. He cares for me. However, my insecurity issues ...

A.   27 July 2016: Objectively, there is nothing your saying here that gives you any grounds not to trust him - I am talking anything concrete so I would lean heavily to backing him up on this one. Obviously, I would say these issues are deep-seated for ... (read in full...)

How long to wait for a declaration of love?

Q.   I've been dating this guy for 8 months and as I'm no spring chicken I've got to be economical with time. I've wasted too much in the past with an emotionally unavailable man. This one looked promising as we get on well and enjoy each other's ...

A.   21 July 2016: Yet.... "He's affectionate with me"..... As So Very writes: "I learned to listen to his actions" I think this is something you may have to do because from what you saying here his actions dont indicate there is anything wrong with how... (read in full...)

How long to wait for a declaration of love?

Q.   I've been dating this guy for 8 months and as I'm no spring chicken I've got to be economical with time. I've wasted too much in the past with an emotionally unavailable man. This one looked promising as we get on well and enjoy each other's ...

A.   21 July 2016: Hi YouWish Thank you. I know you werent was just giving a different perspective :)... (read in full...)

How long to wait for a declaration of love?

Q.   I've been dating this guy for 8 months and as I'm no spring chicken I've got to be economical with time. I've wasted too much in the past with an emotionally unavailable man. This one looked promising as we get on well and enjoy each other's ...

A.   21 July 2016: I think YouWish makes many good points. Having said that, I feel a bit of sympathy for this guy and cant help feeling your being a tad impatient. You cant rush or force feelings to happen on your time and to expect them to happen like that is a ... (read in full...)

Recently found out about a fling my Bf had. Is it wrong to want to know these things?

Q.   I recently found out my boyfriend had a fling with a girl on holiday not long after we started going out. We had been together for a couple of months, and we were still in the early stages of our relationship. We have been together for 3 y...

A.   20 July 2016: I am going to break from the consensus a bit. Yes, to know further details would be torturing yourself objectively and on that level, no you dont need to know nor should you BUT I on the other hand I am not sure there is a 'right' and a 'wrong' ... (read in full...)

FWB but getting emotionally attached

Q.   Hi, i have a male best friend of 12 years who iv recently started sleeping with. We both don't want a relationship but i have found myself getting upset at the thought of him getting a girlfriend. I can't be with him because i know it wouldn't work ...

A.   19 July 2016: You probably dont want to hear this but I think getting into this in the first place was a mistake - I understand wanting to take things to the next level with your friend but you have taken half a step in and now your getting invested. You cant ... (read in full...)

This guy is still texting her. What do I do now? Valuable suggestions would be appreciated.

Q.   I have a gf of 4 years in a long distance committed relationship. i couldnt visit her for a year due to some personal and visa problems which she knows clearly, but we skype daily for hours. Recently i found out she had been cheating on me with her...

A.   14 July 2016: Bin her off. She's using you. I got about 1/4 of the way into your post before I came to that conclusion which might say alot. The clincher was this: Though this guy knows she is commited, he proposed her during a drinking session with friends ... (read in full...)

I can't put up with her issues any longer

Q.   I have know my best friend for 11 years we are family, ever since she was diagnosed with depression she lies to me about everything, who she's with, where's she going. I can't trust her anymore, it makes me really upset because all I want to do is ...

A.   13 July 2016: Well I can tell you this for a fact, your friend is much more than depressed. I hold true to the belief that 99% of the time depression is a symptom of something deeper and so it appears to be in this case, one possibility, for example, is she is ... (read in full...)

We've broken up but keep seeing each other

Q.   My ex broke up with me 3 months ago now as he didn't like being in a relationship. Ever since we have talked a lot and met up (mostly when drunk after nights out) and every time we are both out, there is always an issue when one of us get annoyed or ...

A.   12 July 2016: Honeypie is talking alot of sense here. You are going to end up getting hurt because your clinging onto this because you have feelings for this guy and he is because he is getting sex. Sorry to be cynical and I am not meaning to be hurtful but there ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's assistant is inappropriate! How do I get him to set boundaries?

Q.   My boyfriend has a new assistant of 3 months. She is too comfortable around him and especially in our home. He invited her to hang out with our friends and she made a very bad first impression. She starts smoking weed, talking about how she deals, ...

A.   11 July 2016: I find it baffling that he has allowed this. I find it even more baffling he is promoting her to be a partner and indulges this. Something isnt right here and you know it isn't. You're not going to like what I say next so I'm sorry in advance. I ... (read in full...)

How can this be fixed? Dysfunctional family, I feel depressed when I'm near them but don't know how.

Q.   I live about two hours from my family (mum, grandparents). I try and visit every two weeksfor the weekend but lately it's the biggest struggle. I love them dearly but I cry on the drive back home and feel so depressed and drained. My mum sits ta...

A.   10 July 2016: I think it maybe a generational thing. While your grandparents were growing up and throughout most of their adult life there simply wasnt the awareness of mental health issues that we now have - it was much more likely that what we would consider as ... (read in full...)

Grieving for my twin brother who died. My parents don't mention him. How can I get through this grief?

Q.   I lost my twin brother, actually i feel like i lost half my soul. I am never going to be the same person again because half of me has died. Family give reasons and excuses and say everything will work out. We had always been together, never ...

A.   9 July 2016: I am sorry for your loss. Alot of good replies to this one but I do have to add, because I am not sure this has quite been teased out, that your parents are grieving as well so you have to be mindful that everything you are going through so are ... (read in full...)

Should I insist on marriage before sex?

Q.   Hello am 37 and dating a man of 60, I have never had a boyfriend or even kissed a man due to my fathers control of me for a long time. I am still a virgin. Recently I wanted to wait until marriage, but I wonder if I can find a man who can wait until ...

A.   8 July 2016: Yes you should tell him, so he knows where he stands. He seems to be dropping hints here about what he wants so don't let it continue any longer without letting him know what is what. If he won't respect your beliefs then I would leave him becaus... (read in full...)

Lies are taking me to the edge

Q.   I've been a single mother to my 6 year old since she was 3 months old. Her dad walked out on us, and even though I tried to get him to see her, he pretended like she didn't exist. We were both 18 when she was born, and we had been together for ...

A.   8 July 2016: Well since he is her current partner she's most likely to believe him unless she has good reason not too. She’s going to default to his side over yours but what she does or doesn’t believe is really academic. He, conversely, is going to tell his new ... (read in full...)

How do I stop my cell phone addiction?

Q.   this isn't a relationship question, but maybe someone can help me. as silly as it sounds...i am addicted to my cell phone. it's been an on-again, off-again (mostly on-again) issue for the past six years; since i was in college. i've hesitated t...

A.   6 July 2016: I dont think it is silly. People can be addicted to pretty much anything and with smartphones etc I would be surprised that if we were being totally honest we couldnt and shouldnt say that more people are addicted to their phones. As with any... (read in full...)

Everything I do seems to annoy him!

Q.   Hi I've been together with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years now everything was great up until recently everything I do lately seems to annoy him it's like I can't do anything right like for instance this morning he wanted to borrow some money I told ...

A.   5 July 2016: I would need much more than this because there is obviously some deep seated issue here. Do you spend alot of time together? Are you spending too much time together? May you both not be getting the space you need? Has he just got fed up with the ... (read in full...)

How to create a life of my own after hiding behind ex for 6 years?

Q.   I regretfully revolved my life around his for 6 years. It was emotionally abusive, am trying to work on my self esteem after it was battered for years. I am starting to realize in many ways this is a good thing that I was dumped. It did blindsid...

A.   5 July 2016: @lovehel, Your very welcome :). You think like that because that is how you feel about you. You feel there is something wrong with you and cant accept yourself for who you are and you project this onto other people - you assume they will think ... (read in full...)

False rumor. Then cheating.I forgave him. Am I a mug? Have I done the right thing?

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been together for 16 months now. Then this weekend a rumour spread about me and another guy which wasn't true, I told my boyfriend about said rumour before it got to him by other means and he told me he believed me. He de...

A.   5 July 2016: Op, Well the principle reason id support you in doing this is because what your doing is graceful and virtous and in even wanting to forgive him your showing that and I think your admirable for doing so. You may get back to something good, ... (read in full...)

All I've met is harsh judgement. But I need advice and some support on what to do in my situation. Help, please?

Q.   OK first of all please don't judge me on this but I got with my boyfriend while he was still married, he is now separated from his wife and with me. I guess he had fell out of love by the time he met me. There is 20 years difference between ...

A.   5 July 2016: The circumstances of how this relationship came about, and I can only put it this way to avoid being harsh to a degree, are, shall we say, far from ideal and maybe there is a lesson for you therein which you need to ponder, for example, his marriage ... (read in full...)

False rumor. Then cheating.I forgave him. Am I a mug? Have I done the right thing?

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been together for 16 months now. Then this weekend a rumour spread about me and another guy which wasn't true, I told my boyfriend about said rumour before it got to him by other means and he told me he believed me. He de...

A.   4 July 2016: Being a forgiveing person doesnt necessarily make you a mug. Its a tremendous quality to have to be hurt like that and to be able to forgive. Having said that I think the road will be hard. There is a difference between saying someone is forgiven ... (read in full...)

How to create a life of my own after hiding behind ex for 6 years?

Q.   I regretfully revolved my life around his for 6 years. It was emotionally abusive, am trying to work on my self esteem after it was battered for years. I am starting to realize in many ways this is a good thing that I was dumped. It did blindsid...

A.   4 July 2016: Im glad your realising that this relationship wasnt right for you and are at the start of the process of moving on and that you a) recognise the need to heal yourself and b) are taking steps in that direction. All good, positive stuff. :) Its ... (read in full...)

How do I get him to stop jumping for anything his wife wants and see that his wife is trying to control him?

Q.   I am married and have been dating a married man for 3 yrs.Neither of us are having sex with our spouses. He says he doesn't love her but if she wants to do something and we have plans he just doesn't call me to let me know. He waits until after ...

A.   3 July 2016: This probably isnt going to be well liked but there you go. I dont think this is going anywhere good for either of you. As So Very points out.... "sadly for you if he was going to leave her he would have left her already..." And while we on... (read in full...)

My boyfriend dumped me after 6 years out of nowhere. Did he plan this???

Q.   Both 23. It has been 2 weeks and everytime I hear nothing from him I am slowly hardening my heart to ever speaking to him ever again. He has been in college these past years, and has not been that happy but I stuck by him, when he got a job a few we...

A.   3 July 2016: I understand where your coming from. Your hurt, your wounded and thats understandable, anybody in your position would be. I can tell you will take a long time to heal because this will cause an awful lot of bitterness and anger. I can tell you loved ... (read in full...)

Should I meet up with my ex boyfriend ? He still has his girlfriend and I broke up with my boyfriend, but he doesn't know that

Q.   Hey aunts! I need advice So I have an ex boyfriend who broke my heart. The relationship was amazing but due to him losing his job, he had to move right away. He said he didn't want to lose me and how he would always want to be with me but we...

A.   2 July 2016: Call me crazy but I am sensing unresolved issues here on both sides. That would tend to argue against you meeting up but I suspect you will end up doing that in any case. I think you know what you want to do but your seeking validation on here for a ... (read in full...)

Can you be over friendly with a work colleague?

Q.   Can you be over friendly with a work colleague? After kissing her on her neck/shoulder, she came back with kisses on the cheek. When asked what she was doing, she blow a kiss back. Calls me stupid names like baby boy, lover, - makes stupid ...

A.   1 July 2016: Right there is nothing here that suggests she hates you. I think you have major jangling insecurities there. Shes being affectionate with you, albeit sometimes in what appears to be a childish manner. Sounds to me like she likes you and you like her ... (read in full...)

Another guy has spoilt our friendship

Q.   I'm friends with a female at work and I'm concerned that she isn't into me anymore like she used to be. We used to talk, have a laugh and things seem to have changed. A man who I'm not friends with anymore and who I'm not keen on is now friends ...

A.   30 June 2016: WhenCowsAttack has alot of good points with the slight proviso you can, as other respondents have pointed out ask her out. Now, you might not get the answer you like but it may be the answer you need to move on and lets this go. Mooching and moaning ... (read in full...)

I love some who I can't have. What should I do?

Q.   What do you do when you've fallen for a guy who just ^^^ks with your head? Okay so one of my best friends a while ago we admitted we liked one another, but not wanting to jeopardize the friendship we agreed to keep things normal. Well that didn't ...

A.   29 June 2016: @Sarah, Ok, well So Very is right you cant make him have feelings he doesnt I agree of course BUT in this instance I dont think the first answer he gave was the one that reflected his true feelings especially based on what your saying - it looks... (read in full...)

I love some who I can't have. What should I do?

Q.   What do you do when you've fallen for a guy who just ^^^ks with your head? Okay so one of my best friends a while ago we admitted we liked one another, but not wanting to jeopardize the friendship we agreed to keep things normal. Well that didn't ...

A.   29 June 2016: It stands to reason to my mind that you need to have another talk about this because you need to know where your stand. He isn't f*****g with your head from what I can see, though maybe he is giving you mixed messages have you considered the p... (read in full...)

If he hates other men looking at me why does he find it ok for him to go and look at other women.

Q.   Firstly I want to start by saying that I am not a prude at all, I have no problem with pornography and stuff like that, I'm very open when it comes to things like that. I've even taken my boyfriend to a strip club before. But I've been with m...

A.   29 June 2016: Total double standard on his part and exhibits a slightly controlling streak. I disagree with others when they say this is not worth a fight over, I wouldnt fight over it but you do need to put down a marker and set some boundaries because if you ... (read in full...)

Is it cheating if a man, married or in a relationship, has a happy ending occur after a massage?

Q.   Hi ladies (and gents), I was searching for some opinion here! Long story cut short, what do you think of a married man or your spouse getting a happy ending after a massage? Would that be considered as cheating? Would you be upset if he told you...

A.   28 June 2016: Yes it is. Even if its an accident then the happy ending is clearly a result of him lusting after that other women so yes either way - accident or intentional. ... (read in full...)

Breaking up was the right decision so why do I feel bad now?

Q.   I was okay for two weeks when busy traveling for work, but home now and thinking about this man I was seeing for the past four years. It was a difficult relationship and never really knew where I stood with him. If I was being real, I would al...

A.   27 June 2016: Well I would say that he obviously hurt your feelings. That is why your angry and upset. You obviously invested alot of emotion and time and effort into this relationship and it has all proved to be for nought ultimately. Your response is totally ... (read in full...)

I want to date but am turning them all down ....

Q.   A couple of months ago a guy i'd been seeing broke it off with me, i was really upset as it had been going on a while and i thought we were really good together. Since then i haven't openly looked to start dating anyone else, but on nights out with ...

A.   26 June 2016: I think you are probably right to turn them down to be honest and your probably doing it because you know in yourself your not ready for another relationship because you havent fully worked through your feelings about the last one. The reason I say ... (read in full...)

Not sure if 'No' means no for good

Q.   Asked a female out for a drink from the office of where I work and she said she would get back to me. And she did, unfortunately it wasn't good news. It was a rejection reply. I absolutely hate them. Anyway she explained she wasn't able to see me ...

A.   25 June 2016: This is a bit of a confusing question. Shes saying no to seeing you, and to be honest, she is saying no and meaning no I think because if she was interested she may say something like I am "busy this week but what about next" - she isnt interested ... (read in full...)

Is there such a thing as relationship anxiety? How do I manage this anxiety?

Q.   I've had horrible experiences with exes. My first love cheated on me twice and both times he choose the other girl over me. That in a sense kind of left me emotionally scarred and since then I haven't had a relationship last more than a couple o...

A.   24 June 2016: Well its not so much relationship anxiety as a deep-seated fear of rejection/seperation. Obvoiously, it comes out in close relationships because this is when your at your most vulnerable, your feelings are obviously on the line a bit. I think wh... (read in full...)

Beginning to hate this marriage. Is he just trying to control me via money I earn? What should I do?

Q.   Really could do with some help. I've just passed a course so I can teach English to foreign students. My husband is from Poland and wants me to go and live there with him. Five years ago I gave him a few thousand pounds which I never saw again and ...

A.   24 June 2016: A question id have to ask here is whether this is the only manifestation of controlling behaviour? The bottom line is this - a partnership should be a just that a partnership of equals. You need to talk about this to him and you need to set boun... (read in full...)

We agreed to remain friends but I haven't heard from him!

Q.   A guy i was seeing for 5 months ended things with me a couple of months ago. From my persepctive everything was going well and had been fine between us leading up to him ending things so it really upset me as it was totally unexpected. When he ended ...

A.   23 June 2016: Honesty is right. Without being harsh, you have to realise that in no way are you ready for friendship - your still pinining after him; obviously thinking about him alot and making him the centre of your universe and this tells me that you still ... (read in full...)

I'm shocked my boyfriend broke up with me because I wanted to communicate! Your thoughts?

Q.   We have been going out 6 years on and off. We are students (23) He started working a few weeks ago. He didn't reply to my msg for 3 days, I heard from him the 4th day saying how much he loves me etc...he sent me a msg saying he will take me out...

A.   22 June 2016: Well there is more going on here than is being said. Something is definately going on with him behind the scenes and you need to know what it is. So, lay it on the line. Tell him you need to talk and ask whats going on and where you stand. There is ... (read in full...)

Is my boyfriend saying I'm not that attractive to be hit on?

Q.   I would say I'm okay looking, when I'm done up I think I can look quite hot. Anyways I get hit on by guys on the way to work quite often, yesterday I had two guys actually approach me. One was when I was sitting on the bench and the guy said, can I ...

A.   22 June 2016: It is totally human nature to look at someone when they are talking to you - in fact, I think its good manners and looking away is kind of rude to be honest. You didnt do anything wrong and while you think you did this will just niggle away at you ... (read in full...)

If this relationship is dead how do I leave?

Q.   Hello, I am struggling with my relationship of four years. I feel like I don't love my boyfriend anymore. He is 23 amd I am 20. The first two years I was im love with him and he was with me. But as I get older, I realize that I probably won't have a ...

A.   22 June 2016: This is less a relationship and more a prison. Your right, it is over because for whatever reason you are at the end of your tether - you should end it now because if you dont this feeling will just fester and things will get worse. You say y... (read in full...)

Is my boyfriend saying I'm not that attractive to be hit on?

Q.   I would say I'm okay looking, when I'm done up I think I can look quite hot. Anyways I get hit on by guys on the way to work quite often, yesterday I had two guys actually approach me. One was when I was sitting on the bench and the guy said, can I ...

A.   22 June 2016: If I may be so bold then I think the real issue here is mutual insecurity and a lack of trust on both sides. I dont think this comment is the real issue and I would willing to wager that there are others. He's insecure clearly from what you have ... (read in full...)

Is my boyfriend saying I'm not that attractive to be hit on?

Q.   I would say I'm okay looking, when I'm done up I think I can look quite hot. Anyways I get hit on by guys on the way to work quite often, yesterday I had two guys actually approach me. One was when I was sitting on the bench and the guy said, can I ...

A.   21 June 2016: I'd listen to him and except his preference then to be honest. I can kinda empathise with your position because your dammed if you do and dammed if you dont. You may think your being honest and doing the right thing by telling him but if he is ... (read in full...)

Is my boyfriend saying I'm not that attractive to be hit on?

Q.   I would say I'm okay looking, when I'm done up I think I can look quite hot. Anyways I get hit on by guys on the way to work quite often, yesterday I had two guys actually approach me. One was when I was sitting on the bench and the guy said, can I ...

A.   21 June 2016: Well what underpins what your boyfriends comments are jealousy and insecurity which are never the prettiest emotions. He doesnt want you to have the attentions of other guys and is kind of accusing you of encouraging it by implication - he's ... (read in full...)

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