New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login240649 questions, 1065878 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap
*ode Warrior agony aunt

*ode Warrior

United States  (Male   XML/RSS

Like what he writes?
... Add *ode Warrior to your favourite agony aunts

Want to get in touch?
... Send *ode Warrior a private message

*ode Warrior's Ratings

Rating: 7.67

Excellent70%
Average7%
Poor23%
*ode Warrior's profile:

I have been married for 30 years. I am happily married but think a lot about relationships. I am always looking for ways to improve myself and be a better husband for my wife.

However, this wasn't always the case. I came close to losing my wife as I was not a good husband for a very long time. Of course, relationships are a two way street, and she was not perfect either.

A few years ago, I decided to drop all of my grievances and devote myself to making her happy without saying anything to her. I just started doing things - helping around the house - getting back in shape - all kinds of little things. I spent nearly a year doing this without saying anything or asking anything in return.

One day she asked me what was going on so I told her. She expressed her doubts that I would keep it up and did not trust me. That was understandable, so I told her that I would continue to love her and devote myself to her and I asked that she try dropping her grievances and just focus on devoting herself to me. I promised that things would get better in time, but the key was to give up her grievances. We will never be happy if we force the other to suffer punishment for thier minor misdeeds.

She decided to give up her grievances against me and she tried to devote herself to me. Over the intervening years things have gotten much better. They are not perfect, but we are happy again.

I am not perfect and I suffer from relapses of my old self, but they only last for a day or two and then I kick myself in the butt and get myself moving in the right direction again. She accepts these relapses because she trusts that it will not last long and she warns me if I am not acting fast enough. She has similar issues and I give her the same space to get back on track.

We are both human. We are not perfect. We love each other anyway. I tell people about this and they come back to me for relationship advice.

I bring this and other experience to the table. Hopefully people will find my advice useful.

Latest articles:

Deliberations on beauty at a high school football game.

This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

13 September 2009: My son's high school football game is being played on a cool October Friday night and we are losing. The parents of the players are all watching it, their hopes of college scholarships fading with every increase in the score. All intently watching ...

What is confidence and how do I get it?

This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

5 September 2009: I wrote this response to a person asking essentially the same question some time ago. I keep finding that I refer readers to it, so I thought it might make a good how to guide on self confidence. All of it was copied from my post, and modified ...

1234567891011Next > [33 pages, 1281 answers]

He insists he has changed, can it be true? Or is this all a front to win me back?

Q.   I recently posted a question a few weeks ago about my situtation of after a long break apart, my ex boyfriend is claiming and insisting he is a changed man. We have met up occasionally as "dates" which often led to dicussing our relationship and set ...

A.   16 November 2018: My rule is that I'll have a person in my life if their good qualities outweigh their bad qualities and their bad qualities are things I can live with. If I can't live with a person's bad qualities then I won't have them in my life. That way, I ... (read in full...)

How can I learn to cook? Should I go to a male friend's house to learn?

Q.   unfortunately I have no idea how to cook and im not sure of how to even start or what to begin with . Im 22 and I think its rather embarrassing that I don't know how to cook , im not over reliant on my parents but I am in terms of meals and I just ...

A.   15 November 2018: Cooking isn't hard, what's hard is understanding what things go together and how to compensate for mistakes. First step is to get yourself some basic cookware. A basic knife set, a cutting board, a probe thermometer (aka meat thermome... (read in full...)

Baby daddy is secure financially but I love a poor refugee.

Q.   I am in a relationship with the father of my daughter and I live with someone else ...my baby daddy is okay ...he can provide ...he loves me very much ...and his financially doing fairly ...the guy I love with is a refugee and broke...but we love ...

A.   15 November 2018: So, basically, you're cheating on your daughter's father who you think is a good guy that loves you and and is a good provider for you and your daughter. As if that wasn't bad enough, you're cheating on him with a poor guy that you're in love with, ... (read in full...)

She lied, is this a red flag or is it too early in the relationship for me too care.

Q.   I went on a date with a girl, it was great and we've been chatting a lot since. She asked to meet me again in a few days. The first date was friday. The second date will be the following tuesday. However, i have found out she has lied to me about...

A.   14 November 2018: You wrote: "I'm not bothered by the lie. If she wants to keep seeing me it is the lie that bothers me..." So you contradicted the 1st sentence with the 2nd. Which is it? IMO, she doesn't owe you an explanation, nor does she owe you the trut... (read in full...)

I'm vegetarian, he's not. How can we compromise better?

Q.   I've been vegetarian for 4 years, since before I met my boyfriend. He's a big meat eater, and I honestly don't mind what he eats. I've never tried to convert him. We've found some common ground - we cook a couple of great vegetarian dishes together ...

A.   9 November 2018: You wrote: "I am making my choice from a moral perspective - I love animals and don't want dead ones in my food. I don't think it's the same thing as just not liking carrots, but he sees them as equivalent." You brought up your moral justificatio... (read in full...)

I'm vegetarian, he's not. How can we compromise better?

Q.   I've been vegetarian for 4 years, since before I met my boyfriend. He's a big meat eater, and I honestly don't mind what he eats. I've never tried to convert him. We've found some common ground - we cook a couple of great vegetarian dishes together ...

A.   8 November 2018: If it's a moral choice out of love for animals, then I guess I should assume that you only buy vegetables that are known to be farmed without the use of machinery or animal labor? After all, farm machinery kills an enormous number of ground animals ... (read in full...)

Is what this 15 year old girl wears okay around a father who drinks?

Q.   Is it ok for a 15 year old girl to walk around the house in her bra around her father...and he drinks heavy so his judgement could be possible inpaired .what should I do? how should I handle this while staying with them....?...

A.   8 November 2018: I'm not sure that I'm disagreeing with everyone here, but the idea that family members may occasionally expose themselves in their underwear to other members of their immediate family isn't all that strange. In a normal household there is ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend doesn't want children, my mother is heartbroken.

Q.   I met my boyfriend 1 year ago. He is 40 and I am 30. He told me about 3 months into the relationship that he does not want to have any children. I am confused because I am not sure if I want to have any. I know that my current circumstances will not ...

A.   8 November 2018: While it's a shame that your mother is heartbroken, and she certainly has the right to feel that way, at the same time, she has no right to expect you to live your life according to her vision. You have to live your life according to yours. That ... (read in full...)

Why does my husband look up the category of ex girlfriend in porn?

Q.   My husband occasionally uses my laptop. And sometimes watches porn on it, which is fine as long as our sex life is ok. I always delete the porn off my browser history as i sometimes need to bring my laptop into work. Anyway, apart from looking up ...

A.   7 November 2018: Does the laptop belong to you, or your company? If it belongs to your company, then you risk termination by allowing him to use it to look at porn. As for why he chooses to look at ex girlfriend porn, who knows?... (read in full...)

We are on a break but working on our relationship ... he doesn't understand how his actions affected me.

Q.   7 months ago, my ex and I broke up, mutually. Our relationship was long-term. A few days after our breakup I accidentally read a conversation in his facebook account between him and a female friend. The conversation was very intimate, and almost ...

A.   7 November 2018: You didn't accidentally read an entire conversation. That was just a dumb thing to say. You broke up so he really didn't owe you any fidelity after that. He was free to talk however he wanted with whomever he wanted and your feelings about hi... (read in full...)

My sex obsessed friend makes me feel uncomfortable.

Q.   I have a best friend who is obsessed with sex. He talks about sex endlessly. He details everything he does with every guy (he’s gay). Every week there is someone new, every week the sex was amazing and without really checking I’m interested he will ...

A.   7 November 2018: Are you just telling us this or do you have an actual question? I guess I'm assuming that you want to either know how to get him to stop talking about sex or what to do about it if he won't. Since you've already told him that you object to his c... (read in full...)

We have fun and the sex is amazing but then why doesn't he fall for me?

Q.   Hey all. I feel like a spoilt brat here, like Verruca Salt when she can't get what she wants. I've completely fallen for a co worker. He works in another office and lives 80 miles away. He lives alone (divorced with a son) as I live with parents ...

A.   6 November 2018: Why does your self worth require validation from men? Yeah, you made mistakes with the last three guys. So what? Figure out what attracted you to them, determine if there were red flags that you missed, and learn from your mistakes. I get it ... (read in full...)

We have fun and the sex is amazing but then why doesn't he fall for me?

Q.   Hey all. I feel like a spoilt brat here, like Verruca Salt when she can't get what she wants. I've completely fallen for a co worker. He works in another office and lives 80 miles away. He lives alone (divorced with a son) as I live with parents ...

A.   6 November 2018: You're his reliable booty call. He's not interested in anything else. If you stop being his booty call in the hope he will change his mind, he'll just find another booty call to replace you. You blew it the first time you agreed to sex. Booty ... (read in full...)

I don't understand why she did this to me

Q.   I know part of the answer. She's selfish. Has some severe mental health issues but so do I, so I'm trying not to hold it against her. Been scouring all over the internet to understand. Narcissist? Bipolar? Just trying to make sense of all this. ...

A.   5 November 2018: Glad to hear that you ended it with her. Glad to hear you're going to work on getting your emotions under control. While therapy may help you do that, and I hope that it does, you can really save yourself some money on therapy if you just think ... (read in full...)

I don't understand why she did this to me

Q.   I know part of the answer. She's selfish. Has some severe mental health issues but so do I, so I'm trying not to hold it against her. Been scouring all over the internet to understand. Narcissist? Bipolar? Just trying to make sense of all this. ...

A.   4 November 2018: Dude, that's some seriously weak ass shit you just spewed. You should be embarrassed. What's so hard about this? She cheated on you. You know that was wrong of her. End of story. Move the hell on. Nonsense like this is why men don't need to ... (read in full...)

This friend intimidates me

Q.   I have been friends with someone for about 9 years now , in the years ive been friends with her , I always enjoy being with her ,she makes me smile , I look forward to seeing her , enjoy her company , we get along really well , have the same sense ...

A.   4 November 2018: What do you expect her to do when you tell her that she intimidates you? I can't even imagine how a person goes about being less intimidating. If someone approached me with that I'd ask them just how I'm supposed to know when they're feeling ... (read in full...)

Where do you draw the line on honesty, versus someone indirectly putting another person down?

Q.   Dear Cupid I would really value your opinion now. Where do you draw the line on honesty, versus someone indirectly putting another person down? At what point do you realize that someone is being genuinely helpful, or is just putting you ...

A.   2 November 2018: I don't consider my audience and I don't offer unsolicited advice. When I get unsolicited advice I ignore it. I live by the sticks and stones adage. I don't get offended. Mean words have no power over me. When I'm asked for advice, I am hones... (read in full...)

My married lover doesn't want me to go on trips by myself. Why doesn't he trust me?

Q.   My married lover travels with his wife up to 3-5 times a year. The longest he is away is a month at a time. It's very difficult for me, even though I've chosen to place myself in this role. I feel resentful and left behind. They are natural ...

A.   31 October 2018: He doesn't trust you because you're not trustworthy. After all, you don't respect his marriage and you seem to think it's ok to have sex with a married man, so, on what basis can he trust you? Yeah, he's a hypocrite to be sure, but what else do ... (read in full...)

People who were once a part of my life no longer miss me

Q.   Hello all. I am male 33 and married, and doing fairly well in life. I feel stuck in life, stuck in my past memories, people who were near to me once upon a time I miss them so much. I feel so lonely and lost all the time, as if the world has moved ...

A.   31 October 2018: Bruce Springsteen wrote a song about people like you called "Glory Days". It's about people who live off their high school accomplishments and constantly re-live them in their middle aged lives while sitting in a bar and reminiscing with anyone who ... (read in full...)

Has anyone else given up a fairly long-term, comfortable relationship for something new and exciting with so much in common and a strong sexual attraction?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have just passed 3 years together. We have a great life together: we laugh a lot, we support each other, we cook, we travel, we have many of the same interests and tastes. I know he loves me and I love him too, but it's always ...

A.   27 October 2018: You sound exactly like one of my female cousins. She also loved kids and wanted a family of her own. Of anyone in the family, she was considered the most likely to have kids and raise a family. Her boyfriend was her high school sweetheart and the ... (read in full...)

I'm a finance director at a mid-size company but I’m singled out at the very bottom of the website. Should I bring it up?

Q.   Here is my silly question! I’m a finance director at a mid size company and my bio just got added to the companies website. The team are ranked by the title but I’m singled out at the very bottom of the page. I don’t know if it sounds stupid and ...

A.   25 October 2018: Yes, if the request to the web team comes directly from you, it will come across as stupid and petty to me. It would have the appearance that you want your bio higher up the ranking solely to satisfy your ego. It would make you appear that you ... (read in full...)

My mother's controlling attitude has put a huge strain on my marriage and I was too much of a coward to deal with her. What do I do now?

Q.   I dated my wife for 5 years, now we are happily married for 6 years with 4kids. My mother was ok with her the first 2 years of us being together but after that she hated my wife for no reason. My mother became jealous of our relationship then she ...

A.   25 October 2018: Well, just after I announced my engagement to my fiance to my mom and dad, my dad tried to tell me that my fiance was just after my money. I laughed in his face because I didn't have any money and my mom and dad sure as hell didn't have any money, ... (read in full...)

I feel like our relationship has been killed by moving in together.

Q.   HI I have been dating a guy for 6 months, he had to find new accommodation quickly and I stepped in and said that he could move in with me, (1 and half months ago) However I am now beginning to feel really frustrated, miserable and angry ...

A.   17 October 2018: It looks to me like you're sabotaging the relationship on purpose because you want him to drop the puppy love schtick. I suspect that you resent the pressure his feelings are putting on you because you don't share those feelings, but you don't want ... (read in full...)

How can I keep away from my awful co-worker when I am forced to work with him?

Q.   I just started a new job a few weeks ago. Everyone has been nice to me so far... except one person. You see, when I met him I thought he was cool. He teased me a little and tried to make me laugh (it worked). But then it was like a switch flipped. ...

A.   17 October 2018: Stiffen your spine and stop acting like work relationships are anything other than professional. Make sure you have your ducks in a row and always be prepared to defend yourself. Do it calmly. Crying is weak ass shit that's not deserving of ... (read in full...)

Should I be upset that my FWB partner is having sex with others and lied about it

Q.   I have been having sex with a friend but he said he having been with anyone else but I caught him with another woman should I be angry or not because we are not dating? please help me because im mad as hell....

A.   16 October 2018: LOL! He doesn't owe you a damn thing. Not the truth, and sure as hell not an explanation. No strings, that's what you agreed to. Don't like it? Tough.... (read in full...)

Regret kissing a girl I didn't find attractive that turned out to be an alcoholic on a date whilst drunk and now she wants more.

Q.   Hi to everyone, I have gotten myself into an awkward situation with a girl I went on a date with last night. To elaborate I met this girl very briefly about 3 weeks ago at a club, she took a photo that I wanted so we exchanged details and she ...

A.   16 October 2018: Tell her that you're upset with yourself for getting drunk again when you promised yourself that you wouldn't. Tell her that while you enjoyed partying with her, at the same time, it was too easy to revert to habits you're trying to break, so you ... (read in full...)

He loves me, wants me for his wife.. but also wants sex with other women. Please help!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two years; we're in our thirties and met on a dating site. We've been having a great time together and at this point we're discussing a path to marriage and children, but I'm having trouble ...

A.   15 October 2018: It's bullshit. He's projecting his thoughts onto other men. I can tell you that I don't think like that. I certainly notice attractive women, but that doesn't mean that I want to have sex with them. That being said, he's not lying to you abou... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is thinking about working with a woman I don't like! What should I do?

Q.   I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and I love him with all my heart but I have always struggled with trust issues due to my boyfriend's career. He works at a gym a...

A.   15 October 2018: What should you do? Since you refuse to trust him, it seems like you either risk getting cheated on, or you end the relationship now and never know for sure if you could've trusted him. I'd probably stick around, expecting to get cheated on, and ... (read in full...)

I'm willing to leave my husband but my married lover isn't saying anything about leaving his wife

Q.   Iv been having an affair for a couple of years now and decided to end my marriage. I'm living with a friend but my married lover is still staying put. I said it was my problem about leaving my husband but he said he was still worried for me. He ...

A.   14 October 2018: What difference does it make what your lover does? What does your relationship with your husband have to do with your lover other than you're cheating on your husband? If your relationship with your husband is so bad that you're leaving him, then ... (read in full...)

I am quick to accept blame and that allows people to manipulate me

Q.   I have come here before and I have gotten some great insight in my love problems and found the main issue is “blaming” myself if anything goes down. This blaming comes in work - in friends - in relationship sexual and non sexual .. the moment ...

A.   11 October 2018: This is going to be harsh, but I'm not trying to insult you, I'm trying to get you to realize the truth, so don't get down on yourself after reading it. Here goes, are you ready? You're not nice, you're cowardly. People don't take advantag... (read in full...)

Should I cut her out of my life?

Q.   Almost a year ago I met a girl through one of my friends. She had just come out of a 6 year relationship which lead to her losing almost all of her friends. She moved to my city for work and this is how I met her. I had an instant attracti...

A.   9 October 2018: Just because you drop her like a bad habit doesn't mean that you can't be polite to her when your friend has her over. No need to be worried about it, just stop caring about her presence. That means don't go out of your way to talk to her, but at ... (read in full...)

It's been 4 years and it doesn't look like he will ever change. How much longer should I wait for him?

Q.   Hello all. I am seeking advice on how to make a relationship move forward or how to make your SO plan for the future, I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 years as of October. He is 27 and i am 23. We have had a wonderful relationship thus fa...

A.   8 October 2018: Don't marry someone who has a lot of credit card debt - especially if they're unable or unwilling to pay it down. As for whether or not you're wasting your time, who knows for sure, things can change. However, based on the fact that he likes li... (read in full...)

Should I tell my potential mistress that my marriage is falling apart (not true) in order to increase my chances that she'll do it without guilt?

Q.   My question is simple. I'm married and going on a trip this weekend to meet a friend that I'd like to get intimate with. She knows I'm married, but has hinted she doesn't care that much. However, I'm not sure I trust that. Should I tell her that my ...

A.   8 October 2018: Obvious troll is obvious.... (read in full...)

I hit him while drunk for making a pathetic comment and now I deeply regret it

Q.   DearCupid, I'm 31 years old. I met my boyfriend 28, about 2 yeare ago, weve been together for an official year and it has been the most amazing relationship I have ever had in my life with the most amazing man. But when I met him I was unhappily ...

A.   8 October 2018: If the new guy can see why your husband treats you so poorly, then either you're a monumentally poor judge of men's character, or you're a person who won't admit to your character flaws. Since you chose to slap him in the face, I'm going with the ... (read in full...)

Should I cut her out of my life?

Q.   Almost a year ago I met a girl through one of my friends. She had just come out of a 6 year relationship which lead to her losing almost all of her friends. She moved to my city for work and this is how I met her. I had an instant attracti...

A.   8 October 2018: Drop her like a bad habit. Sucks to have feelings, but there you are. You'll get over it. Also, stop lying to her about your feelings. That was weak. Stop being weak.... (read in full...)

My wife's adult children are bums whose lifestyles I pay for.

Q.   Hi all, I have a problem. First off, I've been married for over 21 years. We largely get along -- mostly because I don't complain about much. During that time, I have raised my wife's 2 children from her previous marriage. They are cur...

A.   6 October 2018: You say your wife tells you "They aren't your children, so you wouldn't know how it feels" or "don't make me choose you over my children, I'll never forgive you for that" If I was in your circumstance and my wife ever said something like that to... (read in full...)

I'm not comfortable seeing him if he is going to date other people.

Q.   I have been dating/talking to this guy for only 3 weeks. We have been in on a few dates and I have stayed at his house also , things seemed to be going well. So I found out he took another girl out on a date but he doesn’t know that I know , and I ...

A.   5 October 2018: You asked: "What can I say to basically say I’m not comfortable with seeing someone who is seeing other people ?" How about: I’m not comfortable with seeing someone who is seeing other people. Seems pretty simple eh? I mean, the answer is ri... (read in full...)

Should I date her even though I'm intimidated by her?

Q.   I am talking to someone on a dating site that seemed very keen and has gotten me excited about prospects but I am quite intimidated by her to the point that I think I am putting her off... She is quite far away but we hit it off chatting away to...

A.   4 October 2018: While it's not impossible that a super hot woman who's into bad boys with perfect bodies might take an interest in an inexperienced average Joe nice guy, the odds of it are exceedingly low. Is it possible that she has a fantasy about corrupting an ... (read in full...)

New boyfriend wants to dress in a dress during sex

Q.   I have just got a new boyfriend and he told me something a couple of days ago, he said he wants to dress in female pvc in the bedroom. He doesnt want to wear wigs or do make up just wear a dress and certainly doesnt want to go outside in public. At ...

A.   3 October 2018: I think there's too much sex fetish nonsense in the world. I'd tell the guy to take a hike. Here's the deal. People these days seem to place an importance on being open minded that has gone so far into crazy town that acceptance of total ab... (read in full...)

20 years apart, is it okay to see each other?

Q.   I have a small group of close friends that I socialize with regularly and we're mostly all about the same age range (40s) - and I'm 46. A while back one of the friends started bringing around another friend (they're both nurses and work together) ...

A.   2 October 2018: You wrote: "I guess my question is, should I be concerned about our 20-year age difference? Should I be concerned about it with respect to my daughters, or really to anybody?" The answer: Yes. Obviously. Your daughters opinions will be... (read in full...)

*ode Warrior's friends

These are mutual friends, so *ode Warrior has added them and they have added *ode Warrior!

a_seidner06 agony aunta_seidner06
Abella agony auntAbella
ALM12 agony auntALM12
alpet agony auntalpet
Angzw agony auntAngzw
AuntyEm agony auntAuntyEm
bharat mehta agony auntbharat mehta
birdynumnums agony auntbirdynumnums
bitterblue agony auntbitterblue
Blod agony auntBlod
Boss's wife agony auntBoss's wife
CaringGuy agony auntCaringGuy
Carrot2000 agony auntCarrot2000
catherinebill agony auntcatherinebill
celtic_tiger agony auntceltic_tiger
Country Woman agony auntCountry Woman
Deagan agony auntDeagan
Demeter agony auntDemeter
Denizen agony auntDenizen
devastated2008 agony auntdevastated2008
Dr.LanceMerryweather agony auntDr.LanceMerryweather
eek agony aunteek
eyeswideopen agony aunteyeswideopen
fairytail agony auntfairytail
Gingersays agony auntGingersays
GrimmReality agony auntGrimmReality
Hnk  agony auntHnk
Honeygirl agony auntHoneygirl
janniepeg agony auntjanniepeg
Jim01 agony auntJim01
Jolin agony auntJolin
judgedick agony auntjudgedick
keilta agony auntkeilta
LivingWithBadDecisions agony auntLivingWithBadDecisions
magzdelgado agony auntmagzdelgado
MeganRivers agony auntMeganRivers
memyselfandi2 agony auntmemyselfandi2
MissesConfused agony auntMissesConfused
mystiquek agony auntmystiquek
no nonsense Aidan agony auntno nonsense Aidan
NORA B agony auntNORA B
Not My Name agony auntNot My Name
old-spinstah agony auntold-spinstah
Overture to Don Giovanni agony auntOverture to Don Giovanni
pepper27 agony auntpepper27
RosesAreRed86 agony auntRosesAreRed86
sharpes agony auntsharpes
Sincerely Yours agony auntSincerely Yours
So_Very_Confused agony auntSo_Very_Confused
Songwr1ter agony auntSongwr1ter
spanky81 agony auntspanky81
Sue09 agony auntSue09
tennisstar88 agony aunttennisstar88
Time wont let me go agony auntTime wont let me go
Tisha-1 agony auntTisha-1
toad in th edungeon agony aunttoad in th edungeon
tommyrba agony aunttommyrba
yuffie_lover495 agony auntyuffie_lover495

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.578123899991624!