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*larey agony aunt

*larey

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*larey's profile:

Hello there you all. I am a creative type with two degrees in the arts. I play guitar. I am very happy.

I have worked mainly in health care for years and have met many people, listened to many stories about life and lived through a lot as well. I have been divoced, suffered from depression, worked with homeless people, children, all sorts of professionals and developed an ability to think from many angles. I am fascinated by people and how different they are and very interested in motives and what drives people to be caring and good, a bit bad, uncertain and even mean. I am thoughtful about family dymanics and break-ups and how parents use their children to punish one another. I wish that we treated each other equally and with respect rather than filing different types of people into sub-species and finding excuses for treating them in ways we would not to be treated or have our children treated. I am a bit of an idealist with a kind heart.

Latest articles:

Hope from experience, from me to you

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

1 February 2008: To all those neurotics out there like me who don’t understand what is going wrong – a message of hope from experience. My story is for all those folks out there who think they don’t quite fit in, make a mess of relationships, worry too much, ...

< Prev12345Next > [5 pages, 152 answers]

Engaged to marry in three weeks'... but I'm not in love with my fiancee and I AM in love with someone else

Q.   I am due to get married in three weeks time to my partner of 4 years, but I have fallen in love with another woman who is my soulmate and who I feel for and care for so much. We have known each other for 6 months and since then have been talking ...

A.   12 April 2006: It is awful to feel trapped and in a position where the only way out is to hurt someone. You don't have much time either so you will have to do it quickly. My cousin did the same thing, but left it until the night before, which was very ... (read in full...)

She absolutely refuses to use contreception and won't let me wear a condom!

Q.   My Girlfriend refuses to take the any form of contraception OR let me use a condom. It takes much of the pleasure out of sex for me as I am constantly thinking about preventing orgasm inside her. She has let me use a condom on a few occasions ...

A.   12 April 2006: Just the last word here. Having responsibilities means you will pay emotionally because I can't see how you can stay with someone so manipulative and are bound to split up. The other thing to mention is (to use capitals again)MONEY. How would you ... (read in full...)

He has a girlfriend and a kid, says he loves seeing me. What should I do?

Q.   I have been seeing a guy who has a girlfriend for nearly a year. He says the only reason he stays with his girlfreind is because they have a young child and his father left him when his was little and he vowed to never do this if he ever had ...

A.   11 April 2006: I think you should stop seeing him. What a horrible man. He wants you for one thing, he has made it clear he won't be leaving his family. He very likely never will - it's a complete waste of time. He will find someone else to play with but at ... (read in full...)

I love my husband, but I'm more in love with his friend! What should I do?

Q.   Im very confused. Ive been married only a year to a great man whom Ive been with for 9 years in total. He has done nothing wrong by me. However, I stupidly had a sexual encounter with a friend of his 2 years ago. I was attracted to him the ...

A.   11 April 2006: This is not an easy situation for you and hard to help because I see a lot of unavoidable pain coming out of it. The only thing that you can do is decide who you want to be with and be with that person only or no-one. The cracks in your marriage ... (read in full...)

We're both unhappy in this relationship. Is there anything left to save?

Q.   OK, to cut a looong story short: 20 years old, met a guy two and a half years ago, relationship, diff religions. My parents found out and flipped! Suffice to say I've practically lost them, both gone to unis in same city now, see each other al...

A.   11 April 2006: Hello there. Been thinking about this and this is all I can come up with, so hope it helps. To sum up, unless you can add more: You have all but lost your famiy through this, he broke up with you before and hurt you, he tells you off, you have ... (read in full...)

My BF tells me not to pay him rent, but nothing that I do around the house seems to count! It's always "MY house"!

Q.   I am 25yrs of age and have recently moved from Sydney to Canberra to be with my boyfriend of 2 years. Prior to moving to Canberra I went travelling for the first time for 3 x months while he stayed home to buy his first home for us to move in to ...

A.   11 April 2006: Hello again Confused Angel. I do have a son who is eight years old and am divorced but happy with a wonderful partner. My husband was not a good Dad or husband and I ended up working, doing most things in the house and bringing up our son myself. ... (read in full...)

He just wanted to be alone on his birthday. Why wouldn't he spend it with me?

Q.   Why he did not want us to celebrate his birthday together but preferred being alone? Today is my guy's 28th birthday. He did not know I knew his birthday even we have been dating for 4 months already. I knew that by seeing his driver licens...

A.   11 April 2006: I would not worry about this at all. Men often do not seem to have the same interest in birthdays. My Dad is 70 today and he did not want the big present I was planning. He wants me to donate $15 towards a woodwork bench! The fact that your ... (read in full...)

How can you tell if he wants to be more than just friends?

Q.   HOw do you know if your guy friend likes you more than a friend? ...

A.   10 April 2006: He would normally try to make time to be with you alone, a date or something. Depends how confident he is. His pupils would dilate when he looked at you. He may stutter or seem nervous. His body movements may mirror yours; you put your hand ... (read in full...)

Is it possible that he's just not interested in me anymore or is it something else?

Q.   this is kind of embarassing..but ive been in a long distance relationship and havent had a chance to see my boyfriend for a couple months but we used to cyber and have phone sex quite often but now he seems to have no interest in it and the only ...

A.   10 April 2006: Why don't you just ask him if he is alright and how he is feeling. He could have any number of things on his mind, including another girl, but not necessarily. Lay off the cyber sex until he asks you, you never know he might miss it. It seems a ... (read in full...)

My BF tells me not to pay him rent, but nothing that I do around the house seems to count! It's always "MY house"!

Q.   I am 25yrs of age and have recently moved from Sydney to Canberra to be with my boyfriend of 2 years. Prior to moving to Canberra I went travelling for the first time for 3 x months while he stayed home to buy his first home for us to move in to ...

A.   10 April 2006: It he behaving as he was brought up; to be the man of the house with you as the little woman no matter how hard you work? Or perhaps he is hanging onto a bit of independence but with you there; getting the best of both worlds. The first is a bit ... (read in full...)

Mum doesn't want me to have a boyfriend, and she can't tell that my boy-mates are just my friends!

Q.   My mum is really old fashioned and doesn't want me to have a boyfriend or even have anything to do with boys. But my two best friends at school are boys. I don't fancy them or have any physical attraction to them. They are just friends, although we ...

A.   30 March 2006: In Roman Catholic Italy one thing I really liked was that the children and teenagers would form groups of friends who stayed friends for life. From that peer group they often selected life partners. Whatever happened, they looked out for each ... (read in full...)

I feel torn between moving on or staying put, please help!

Q.   hey. Have been goin out with my boyfriend the past 2 and a half years. Lately i have been having feelings for another male. I sometimes think i need to be single for a while but I am afraid my boyfriend will move on and meet someone and I will reg...

A.   29 March 2006: Hello. I don't know how old you are but I remember feeling like you in the past. It is hard to be tied down when you are young even if you do love someone. Simetime you will find the person you will be with hopefully for the rest of your life. ... (read in full...)

Sometimes my man is affectionate but other times i feel so unloved. Please help!!!

Q.   My man can sometimes be very affectionate and loving and passionate so i know he is capable of it , but he dosent react to anything the way i think a man who is in love should, for example, when we split up i went with another guy and when i told ...

A.   29 March 2006: I don't see anything to worry about except that you are obviously the fiery one and he is "feet on the ground". It is probably a nice balance most of the time because you level each other. On the other hand you want him to show some passion too, ... (read in full...)

He's still reading playboy and penthouse despite us dating for two years!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years. Since the beginning I have told him that I find porn degrading to women. He told me that he didn't feel comfortable reading them since the month we started dating but i found issues until 4 ...

A.   24 March 2006: This is a tough one and I used to feel the same way as you. When I was young I used to take a felt tipped pen to the barbers when my Dad got his hair cut and I drew bras on the topless women in the magazines there. I did and still do look upon the ... (read in full...)

My gf cheated, we got back together but she still doesnt want me as a public part of her life. Am i a fool???

Q.   I have been seeing my girlfriend for almost 2 years but she says we weren't "going out" until about 7 months after we had sex, even though she asked me to move in and we lived like a couple. She asked me out several times then dumped me out of b...

A.   23 March 2006: It makes me wonder why she has been hiding you. It also seems that she is confused and not ready to settle down yet, a little immature. A cat and mouse thing. If it were me I would insist on getting to know her friends and family before ... (read in full...)

Should I worry about my little boy getting too attached to the man I'm seeing?

Q.   As a single parent, I'm not sure when/if to introduce my son to the man I'm dating. He recently showed interest in taking my son and I on an outing. My son is still little, and I think I could introduce my boyfriend as a friend, because he meets all ...

A.   22 March 2006: I am in the same position as you. I am seeing someone who if I have my way will be around for always. He feels the same. My child loves him. I went to see my psychologist about it and she said to be casual about meeting and leave plenty of time ... (read in full...)

How to choose between two lovers?

Q.   Have you ever found your self within a situation , were you were torn between two lovers, how were you able to decide, which one is right for you or were you even able to. ...

A.   20 March 2006: I had that problem. I had a 70% good relationship with someone I liked and was very fond of there were some sides to him that I was worried about for me. Then I came across an old boyfriend who lived on the other side of the world. He fell in ... (read in full...)

I looked through his phone and through the garbage... and I know for a FACT he was ringing escorts! I just can't trust him...

Q.   my bf and i been together for 1 year and 2 month but we knew each other long before. We live in different state; but I have managed to go see him at least twice a month, sometimes I’ve even stated for a whole week. I’ve gone through a lot, since ...

A.   17 March 2006: I am afraid he is a sex addict. You can look this up. I had a boyfriend who was the same. He was sweet too but he bought sex from prostitutes in Thailand and Amsterdam and I had to go for a certain test which terrified me. Of course I am fine. ... (read in full...)

Why does he say these things to me, given that he has a girlfriend? And should I ask him to stop?

Q.   what does it mean when a guy says (after a drunken night and opportunity to hook up with him passed) "i would have kissed you but i wouldnt be able to be around you for like 3 months after"? this happened to me recently and i dont understand why he ...

A.   17 March 2006: I think it sounded odd. After all, isn't three months how long you have to wait to get a full sexual health screening?! It would drive me mad wondering what he meant. It could mean anything and nothing at all. I think he is playing with your ... (read in full...)

With my baby due in 2 weeks-I am uncertain if I should sell my house!

Q.   My partner and I are due to have our first baby in two weeks time. My house is up for sale and the plan was to buy some where together. The trouble is my partner agrees to these plans and even suggests things ie what area to look in etc. But when it ...

A.   17 March 2006: Men often do leave these sort of things up to their partners but it is a bit inconciderate considering that you are so close to giving birth. I remember at that time having a big instinct to clean and decorate again, it is a nesting need. Anyway, ... (read in full...)

I don't know if I should just tell him how I really feel or what!

Q.   We broke up a month ago, no bad reason it sorta like bad timing with him.. so after a while we still hang out call eachother. txt, talk online...but he still says he is unsure if he wants a relationship right now.. and then after my bday party he ...

A.   17 March 2006: Don't do or say anything. You can't make someone want to be with you it has to come from them. He may be saying that while he finds you attractive he wants to be single and play the field. If you go on that trip you may expose yourself a bit much ... (read in full...)

It feels like we are still together but we've broken up...

Q.   she broke up with me i love her to death. she says she still wants to be part of my life. after the brake up we hung out and had sex more the once. i whant to get back with her. she just whants me as a friend. plus everytime we hangout it feels like ...

A.   27 February 2006: The more you show her that you want her the less interested she would be. I know that you love her and it is such a nice compliment to be loved, but she has made it clear how she feels. An interesting way to get the balance back is to start going ... (read in full...)

My ex has swept me off my feet and everything is wonderful but I am scared he will find something missing!

Q.   I have been seeing my first love again after many years. He is sweeping me off my feet but I can not believe it is true. His first wife was beautiful and I am attractive. I know I am funny and he thinks interestingly wacky, so I can get away with ...

A.   27 February 2006: You were absolutely right to say what you did about my feelings. I do love him and told him last night. I decided to give up being afraid, examined my feelings behind that and we both cried with relief. Thank you for your help, it really kicked ... (read in full...)

What do I do about his explicit pictures of him and his ex-boyfriend?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and things are wonderful. I knew before we started dating that he had had boyfriends before. He still keeps explicit pictures of him with his ex boyfriend and it bothers me. I found them one day and ...

A.   9 February 2006: How did you find them? There is no difference between that and keeping pictures of a girlfriend I suppose. It all depends on how this makes you feel. I had a boyfriend who told me he had paid for sex a few times and although he said it was in the ... (read in full...)

He proposed... But made it sounded like his friends *persuaded him* to keep with me!

Q.   Ok, I REALLY would like some advice before I marry my fiance. I am 23, and he is 26. We've been together for 3 years. He treats me well, and everything about the relationship is very good. we have the usual spats, but we always end up back together. ...

A.   9 February 2006: Put the marriage plans on hold and tell him to ask you again in a year. I see nothing there about how you feel about HIM, which is the most important thing. I don't see you saying that he is the love of your life. This should not be all about him ... (read in full...)

She said we needed "time apart", but that came as a shock to me!

Q.   My girlfriend of 3 months just recently told me we needed some time apart for herself she said she still cared for me and everything and said that she wanted to be with me. This decision for time apart came out the blue to me; we was happy and ...

A.   1 February 2006: The answer is not to try and get her back. It is the most likely way of acheiving it. If you can show her that you can manage without her and even perhaps make friends with new girls (not necessarily girlfriends) the power balance will shift in ... (read in full...)

I went too far with the guy I like. Now I realise I'm too young for that sort of thing...

Q.   OK...Well I'm a 14 year old 9th grader in High School. I met this really cute 16 year old who's an 11th grader. Well I was sooooo naive and young in love. I went to his house one night and it led to something more. I regret it so much because I'm ...

A.   31 January 2006: I think you are an very sensible and smart person. You can now see that although you are physically ready, you are not emotionally prepared for intimate contact. You have seen very quickly that you need to be older and I expect in a stable ... (read in full...)

He wants to go slow in our relationship-but I want more time and committment from him

Q.   Hi I am seperated from my husband of 25years and have met a guy who has never been married or had any children. He had fallen in love in said and the girl broke his heart. He is reluctant to get involved with any one too soon and wants to take it ...

A.   30 January 2006: Don't need him, be funny and show him that you are selective. If he thinks you are being clingy you will put him off. Go out with other friends and get chatted up. You will be amazed at how well it levels things when this happens, the focus ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's getting his life together and getting off drugs, but he doesn't seem to want me, except to move out to where he is!

Q.   Hi I am 43, boyfriend of 8 years is 45. We have a 5 yr old son who lives with me. My boyfriend was on CRACK cocaine for 20 or so years and I learned this 1+ years into our relationship. He is very handsome and I have some crazy attraction to him ...

A.   30 January 2006: Six months is not long to have been off crack cocaine, after 20 years. I would be very suspicious of why he wants you to sell your home bearing in mind his new ventures and aquisitions. Where did the money come from? I have met people who were ... (read in full...)

We couldn't agree on some big issues, so we mutually agreed to end it. Mistake or not?

Q.   My girlfriend and I were virtually perfect for each other. Everybody thought that we were the perfect couple. However, there were a couple of things that we disagreed on and we couldn't compromise. Religion, our life's goals, and location (she's a ...

A.   4 November 2005: I was discussing this type of subject only last night. Itseems that people these days have a shopping list of things they want from a relationship, all of which have to be met. In the war, people were separated for years my Mum said. There was a ... (read in full...)

Not sure how to progress with this long-distance relationship...

Q.   I would like to date a guy that I met in a club a month ago but unfortunately he is a soldier and had to go away few days later after we met and is coming back sometime this month. He gave me his e-mail address and we exchange some nice e-mails, ...

A.   2 October 2005: Send a final email, that would be no problem. With a lovely photo. You can tell him that you liked him a lot and would like to see him again. His thoughts on the matter would be appreciated! He may have met someone else, or be away on duty ... (read in full...)

Not sure if my feelings for my boyfriend are genuine, so I keep breaking up with him.

Q.   Me and my ex boyfriend have going out on and off for the last 3 years. Whenever we've split up it's been my choice because I just get all confused and maybe want more or something. We last split up in June/July and now I'm really missing him. He ...

A.   29 September 2005: It is not surprising that you are looking for a larger experience from life. I have seen that some relationships like the one you are describing are good for later years. I have just met my first love again after 30! What would be best is for you ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend shaves her legs in public...

Q.   I am 21 and my girlfriend is 19. She shaves her legs in public - when we were on the beach she did it, and got attention (negative!) What do I do about this habit of hers?...

A.   29 September 2005: Tell your girlfriend that you love her smooth legs but have never seen anyone shaving in public before. Some people don't mind breast feeding in public (I don't mind it)some people clear their throats very loudly and will find different reactions ... (read in full...)

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