Like what
she writes?
... Add *larey to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *larey a private message | | | *larey's profile:Hello there you all. I am a creative type with two degrees in the arts. I play guitar. I am very happy.
I have worked mainly in health care for years and have met many people, listened to many stories about life and lived through a lot as well. I have been divoced, suffered from depression, worked with homeless people, children, all sorts of professionals and developed an ability to think from many angles. I am fascinated by people and how different they are and very interested in motives and what drives people to be caring and good, a bit bad, uncertain and even mean. I am thoughtful about family dymanics and break-ups and how parents use their children to punish one another. I wish that we treated each other equally and with respect rather than filing different types of people into sub-species and finding excuses for treating them in ways we would not to be treated or have our children treated. I am a bit of an idealist with a kind heart. |
|
| Latest articles: Hope from experience, from me to you
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 February 2008: To all those neurotics out there like me who don’t understand what is going wrong – a message of hope from experience. My story is for all those folks out there who think they don’t quite fit in, make a mess of relationships, worry too much, ...
|
I'm so lonely and I don't think he loves me anymore
Q. I wanted to say hello to all on this site..I am a new one here,just found this site...I think I am going enjoy this place... Well anyway, my problem is also like one I read on here and that made me want to join... I have been married for 26...
A. 30 July 2007: Yes you should go to counselling. I wonder whether he will join you or send you off alone. You are very brave to have tried three in a bed for him, but what worries me is you seem to be putting all yout needs asside for him, even doiung things you ... (read in full...)
Shall all the dear cupid advisors meet?
Q. I know you have aunts from all over the world, but I wondered whether it may be a nice idea for us to meet at a convention of some sort...somehow? Perhaps several....
A. 22 June 2007: London would be good for me....Andrew? Are you out there?!... (read in full...)
He only seems to see me when he can fit me in and I feel excluded!!!
Q. Hi, I have been seeing my boyfriend for a year. He got in touch with me after splitting from his wife - just a month earlier (which I didn't know at the time). We had previouly been work friends. From just a few months in, he told me he wanted t...
A. 21 June 2007: Remember it is HIS behaviour that wrecks his relationships. It is completely and utterly nothing to do with you and no reflection on you as a person in any way. He can't make relationships work once he gets past the patience of the woman he is with ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend left me, then I found out I was pregnant. He threatened me alot and when the baby was born she was stillborn. Should I send him a picture of what we made together?
Q. My ex and I have been separated for the past 8 months (he initiated it after 5 years together). When we split I discovered I was 5 wks pregnant. He didnt want me to carry on with the pregnancy and told me to abort. I told him where to get off and ...
A. 21 June 2007: How completely devastating. I think you must do whatever you need to, to celebrate your beautiful daughter and her life. Showing her father who she was will help you to establish her reality and that is a wonderful thing. I think you are brave ... (read in full...)
He only seems to see me when he can fit me in and I feel excluded!!!
Q. Hi, I have been seeing my boyfriend for a year. He got in touch with me after splitting from his wife - just a month earlier (which I didn't know at the time). We had previouly been work friends. From just a few months in, he told me he wanted t...
A. 21 June 2007: He is flexing himself about with ladies having gotten over his marriage and obviously enjoying it quite a lot. There may be nothing in it for now except flirtation, he is tarting about and it sounds like a very annoying habit. You should not be ... (read in full...)
She lied, and now I can't help but think what's happening to our relationship..
Q. since I met my girlfriend things have moved really fast we have been together almost a year and lived together from the time we met. She recently lied to me. I had over heard a voice mail from a man she used to date I know this man and his wife now ...
A. 20 June 2007: Tell her that she is free to go and if she wants to; to move out. It is only stating the obvious, but it is a very powerful thing to say. It means that you have requirements from the relationship and that you also have some say in how you lead your ... (read in full...)
My wife is behaving strangely; could she be cheating?
Q. Do I have sufficient reason to be concerned/suspicious? Recently my wife of 9months has been hanging out with a group of new "friends" (she's 26 and this group is 19-20) until 2 or 3 in the morning. She use to be very concerned about getting to...
A. 20 June 2007: This is all wrong and you are completely right. It is completely classic that a person who is being unfaithful makes the wronged party feel paranoid. This disempowers you, makes you feel unreasonable and leaves you speechless. I keep recommending ... (read in full...)
He is cheating on me, but only wants her for her money!
Q. I have been in relationship for fifteen years now with my boyfriend.We have two children, but my boyfriend is not satisfied because he is not working. So he is now seeing a another woman who has money. This is killing me. He says everything will be ...
A. 19 June 2007: Buy a book called "Love Must be Tough" and it will tell you exactly what to do step by step. It is by Dr J Dobson. It will liberate your mind and give you back your power. If your relationship can be saved it will help you do that from a strong ... (read in full...)
Should I get my boyfriend a gift for father's day (even though he isn't the daddy)... ?
Q. I don't know if I should get my boyfriend a gift for father's day. i know he isn't my father. but we just had our 1st baby 2 months ago, and he is a really good daddy to her. He also works and supports us. I just want to let him know he's ...
A. 13 June 2007: You could put your baby's handprint on the card and make a cake which you could take to the park with his nice cold beer. Spread a blanket out and relax in the sunshine...so long as it does not rain.... (read in full...)
My family does not like my boyfriend. Could it be that I'm blinded by love and they are right?
Q. So I've been dating this guy for 8 months. He's wonderful, and treats me like a queen. Problem is, when I introduced him to my family, my sister did not like him. That, in turn caused a couple of my other family members and friends to question his ...
A. 12 June 2007: Only you can decide. When I was 15 years old I fell in love, but my mother decided that my boyfriend got on her nerves and the whole family turned against the relationship. I don’t know whether it was something about him being the first serious ... (read in full...)
My new girl wants me to blackout the face of my ex on college photos... is she asking too much?!
Q. My gf wants me to blackout the face of an ex-girlfriend who i was very in love with from my college grad pics. she is in pics w/ myself, family, and other guests. i graduated in 2002. we broke up 4 years ago. i have the pics on pc and hard ...
A. 4 June 2007: She is probably feeling insecure because you have told her how much you were in love with the ex girlfiend. Do you still have feelings about her and is she picking up on that? If so, some major reassurance would not go amiss.
Ask her what she... (read in full...)
should let him hang out with who he pleases? even if they've had an intimate past?
Q. I am dating this guy, we get along superbly. We met and totally fell for each other extremely fast. We are extremely open in our relationship and are able to tell each other everything. Learning from past experiences we decided to hold out on having ...
A. 17 May 2007: No, you are not being silly. These kind of relationships usually cause trouble and can create the deadly love triangle that you may have read about. I have tried to make male friends and always found other motives behind their apparent willingness ... (read in full...)
He still talks to his ex and is now just getting a divorce. Should I end it?
Q. I need some help. I have been dating this guy for about 2 months now. He still talks to his ex almost everyday and he wants me to meet her. He just now is trying to get a divorce because he has been putting it off for so long. why is that? And also ...
A. 29 January 2007: It depends on whether there are any children, but it sounds like there aren't. You seem to be very hurt about this contact and I can understand that. My own vision of a strong relationship is one where you rely on each other for support, ... (read in full...)
I got DUMPED but how do I convince her to stay?
Q. Well i was wondering if anyone out there have ever experience this situation..or have any comment about this situation. Well it's a new year and my partner left me for a guy whom she just met for a week and now he keeps calling her and i am get...
A. 23 January 2007: This sounds like pergatory. I know seems very hard, because you love her, but I think you should show her that you will not accept her behaviour and let her go. Leave, get out and let her get on with it. You can never, ever make someone want to ... (read in full...)
Am I selfish for saying that I should come FIRST?
Q. Am i being selfish when i tell my boyfriend of 11years that my wants and needs come first over his mom and sister want and needs....
A. 23 January 2007: Possibly. It depends on the situation. For example, if you said you never, ever want to see them at Christmas, that might be considered selfish. Laying it down as law that you must always come first is not very considerate and it should not be a ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and the father told me to keep it a secrte. I told my 2 teenage children and now he wants nothing to do with me! What should I do?
Q. i have been separated for a year and a half. i met a bloke 4 months ago, he swept me off my feet. I didn't know what real love felt like until i met him. 2 months into the relationship i fell pregnant. at first he seemed happy about it, we ...
A. 19 January 2007: The fact that you have told your children may not be the real problem. Quite often people wait 3 months because that is the point at which progression of the pregnancy is more established.
I think he wanted to wait so that he could have tim... (read in full...)
Worried that my husband is being a "sex tourist" in South Thailand...
Q. My husband is vacationing in South Thailand. Many people have told me that chances are if he's there with his friends, that he's taking advantage of Thailands notorious 'Sex tourism' and that the vast majority of western people visiting Thailand end ...
A. 18 January 2007: I feel very sorry that you are worring so much, am empathising strongly. You already had issues over trust before he went there it is not surprising. Why is he there without you? Do you want to be in a relationship with someone you can't trust? ... (read in full...)
My head has been turned by a colleague, now I no longer love my wife. Help!
Q. To be honest you may have been asked this very question a million times and it must be the hardest to answer! Its is a matter of a married person who thought he was in love with his wife only to find a true love without looking. Ok here goes. I...
A. 18 January 2007: You have issues with the intimacy of your relationship with your wife because she is planning everything around having a baby. Perhaps you feel that you are only there to provide this for her and that she has lost interest in you as a person. It ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my friend that she smells of BO?
Q. Hey my friend smells of BO.I don't want to hurt her feelings but I reaaly want to tell her, because she's my friend and I care for her a lot. I don't want things to change between us if I tell her this. I don't want it to be awkward. Could you...
A. 16 January 2007: I had to do this once. What I did, was told my friend that I wanted her to tell me if my breath ever smelled or if I was sweaty because I could not bear hearing from someone else first. I asked her if I should do the same for her and she said yes. ... (read in full...)
Period is late, not sure whether condom split! What are the chances of me being pregnant?
Q. Me and my boyfriend had sex last week and I am worried as I am 2 days late on my period. we used a condom but I am worried that it split although I didn't hear it. What are my chances of being pregnant?...
A. 3 January 2007: I don't think there is very much chance that you are pregnant. Two days late is nothing. Sometimes condoms split in a way that can not be seen, but you would have to be very unlucky.
If you can afford a pregnancy test get one and put your min... (read in full...)
I want to know what a woman wants but am confused! Please help me.
Q. what does a woman really want in a guy? I hear stories that they want a sweet, caring loyal man who they can cuddle up with and will treat them write yet there are woman going out at night getting drunk and looking for sex. So please tell me what a ...
A. 2 January 2007: The most important thing a woman wants, is to know you as yourself. You need to have the same interests and values, so there is no point in pretending that you are something other than you are.
Having said that, a woman also needs to know tha... (read in full...)
Who do I choose? My unattentive bf of 4 years or my married guy friend? What should I do?
Q. Hi I'm 29 years old and have been in a long distance relationship for nearly four years. Over this time my partner has worn me down a little, he has not worked for 9 months, he doesn't make the effort to come and see me or call me from week to ...
A. 10 November 2006: Neither. You are 29 years old and need to be aware that now is the time to pick a worthy partner if ever there was one.
Neither of these two is right; one can't be bothered and the other is married - which means he is very unlikely to leave hi... (read in full...)
I'm eating loads but losing weight and my hair is falling out more than normal!!!
Q. I need help.. I have no idea what to do... I have notice that I have lost a lot of weight even though I'm still eating lots? My hair is also falling out- more than normal... but I'm only 17 years of age... what’s going? I'm scared! xx ...
A. 22 October 2006: Hair follicles have a life cycle and if you are unfortunate a lot of them can reach the same end of life together. One minute the pony tail seems nice and fat, then half as thick. There are hairs on the car seat, on clothes and the bath plug hole ... (read in full...)
He gives the pretty girls more attention than the ugly ones....should I worry?
Q. me and my bf are together for almost a year. he's perfect and very handsome but ever since we gone to the uni he's been talking to beautiful girls. (there are a lot of pretty girls in our uni) there are a lot of girls that flirt him talking to him ...
A. 20 October 2006: You sound secure in your relationship with your boyfriend which is why you can cope with other girls flirting. You trust him.
What you are doing is not related to that, I suspect. It looks as though you are judging his sense of morals and pers... (read in full...)
I get depressed if I don't have a bf! Is this normal and why am I like this?
Q. hi im 15 and i am wondering if this is normal or why I think like this. Basically if i dont have a boy in my life i get depressed. i have to have a boy that is interested in me and that we both flirt with each other. I have to have a boy to fancy...
A. 28 September 2006: The answer you just got was from me, but because I have not been on the website for a while I needed to re-register. Good luck.... (read in full...)
Has my player ex *really* changed, and should I give him another chance?
Q. I was with a guy for about 2 years but it was on/off all the time, as he liked to play the field. It was my first love so I really fell for him deep. Now a year later he is back. I just wonder will I ever trust him? Now he says he has changed ...
A. 13 August 2006: I have had a boyfriend like that and he did not change. I remained the one he wished he had not lost for years and I think I was loved. Even though that was the case he could not contain his need to for excitement and the thrill of the chase.
... (read in full...)
I missed my pill could I be pregnant?
Q. me and my boyfriend had unprotected sex yesterday, I am on the pill but when i went to take it this morning it appears as tho i missed a day, could this result in pregnancy, im fairly sure i took it yesterday but now im beginning to wonder. And i ...
A. 8 August 2006: It is very unlikely. You can take the morning after pill for 2 - 3 days after so get to a pharmacy as soon as you can. Try not to worry.... (read in full...)
He went to get help for all his issues, ive stood by him, but nothing has changed!!
Q. I need help in knowing if it is time to let go. I am a divorced mom of 3 little boys. I was married and thought that was it for good, so I had a family. 7 years later alcohol took over and he hit me once, so I left. I didnt date for approx 2...
A. 23 July 2006: You can get it right and you have done everything you can to help this man. We live in an age when things like sex seem more constantly available and everyone thinks they have a right to life's pleasures as though they were on a conveyor belt, ... (read in full...)
My partner refuses to discipline his son!
Q. My partner is obsessed with his son he loves him to distraction, nothing wrong with that but his behaviour is so bad eg swearing name calling hitting me and his father. He will not tell him off or show him boundries neither will his mother. He wants ...
A. 22 July 2006: The only reason that the little boy behaves like that is because he is unhappy. He would be much happier with boundaries; secure and grounded. You know that. His parents are over compensating for the fact that he does not have them together any ... (read in full...)
I hate being alone! Am I codependent?
Q. I am so lonely all the time. Am I codependent? I am a 31 Y.O. Female and an only child. I have had the same partner for 8yrs. When he leaves for work, (only works 2 days a week) or takes a very long shower, or is working on a project in anoth...
A. 21 July 2006: Being alone doesn't usually mean sitting on the sofa staring into space! Sometimes I think I just want to be alone, but I do the ironing and watch tv for the sounds of voices, which is comforting. The radio is always on in the kitchen and I spend ... (read in full...)
Im becoming over suspicious of my boyfriend what do I do ?
Q. I am a suspicious type of person. My boyfriend has his own apartment but usually stays at his mother's house--just wanted to give u that info. Last week--i look at the condom drawer and we havent used any in a while--we have two sets..there were...
A. 21 July 2006: Hello. I don't think you should be worrying. I am sure he would not go to such lengths to make sure exactly the right amount are there. Plus, your belongings are around as you say.
These situations do happen all the time and sometime... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm losing him. What should I do?
Q. i feel my fiance going far from me...he is travelling away and we just chat using a webcam...i have a strange feeling he will leave me...i am so nervous and irritable...what shall i do? ...
A. 11 July 2006: There is nothing you can do. Just keep cheerful and look after yourself. Clinging to people does sometimes drive them away but if they decide they will, they will anyway. There is nothing wrong with missing a person. Be supportive, spontaneous ... (read in full...)
Married with kid, but need to leave? Help me!!
Q. Hi there I am an agony aunt on here with some strong opinions and I could do without being judged - which is unfortunate as I know this is going to happen anyway! I am in a marriage/relationship of 8 years and throughout I have had to literally beg...
A. 28 June 2006: I left a marraige when my son was three. It was not easy but I have a good relationship with my ex husband and his partner. We never speak badly of each other to our boy and keep all disagreements to ourselves.
My son did have some beha... (read in full...)
How do I get out of this relationship??
Q. hello all, You will be sick of me by now. Is it too much to want to be a strong independent woman? Why cant i get out of this relationship? My boyfriend is mentally and sexually abusing me and instead of getting rid of him and being truly happ...
A. 12 May 2006: Half of the problem is not believing yourself, which is a symptom of abuse. You question your grip on reality. You also get addicted to the behaviour. See you are getting help but is it good help? Are they tackling your low self esteem because ... (read in full...)
Did my boyfriend give me genital warts?
Q. erm.. where do i start? lol i have just found out that i have genital warts. when i asked my boyfriend of three years if he had slept with anyone else and caught this std he said no. it may sound niave but i really want to believe him. i spoke to a ...
A. 12 May 2006: Some women wait years before finding a problem,which just shows up as an abnormal smear test. If he has warts there may be visible little lumps on his penis. Anyway, as a precaution you should ask him to get checked out because you don't want them ... (read in full...)
He hurt me before, but I love him so much. Should I give it another try?
Q. The ultimate dream situation happened to me last night; The bf who dumped me months ago called me, and pretty much told me he still loves me. We hadn't spoken for ages, then i got this phonecall out of the blue saying he saw me walk by at work today ...
A. 11 May 2006: Radiate some positive confidence in yourself and if you want to contact him do it. However, I think what he said does sound far-fetched. How could something he has said or done cause people to say what they did?
Either he knows some very wor... (read in full...)
Worried about my girlfriend's reaction when I tell her I dated a man last year!
Q. If anyone can help me with this, I'd appreciate it. I'm 19, my girlfriend's 21. I dated a guy for 5 months last year, and I feel embarrassed to tell her about it and worry about her reaction. How can I broach this sensitive issue?? Jonath...
A. 11 May 2006: Do you have to confess right now? Some things are best left aside while a new relationship develops. Many people are bi-sexual to some degree and experiment. In time you may feel able to tell her that you have had an experience like this.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is addicted to pizza....what can I do?
Q. I am 24, my boyfriend is 27 and recently he has become addicted to Pizza Hut (and pizza in general). I worry he will become obese, but he refuses to eat anything but pizza and chips. He won't eat anything else. What can I do?? Karlie...
A. 10 May 2006: If he won't be responsible for his own health there is nothing you can do about it. There have been studies which show that the next generation is going to have a whole heap more health problems because of bad diet.
Cancer, heart disease ... (read in full...)
I've fallen in love with my wife's sister!
Q. I am married for the past 5 years with no kids. I love my wife but recently I have this feeling that really make me guilty. I beginning to develop strong feeling towards my sister-in-law, who is now a divorcee and have two kids. I know this is not ...
A. 10 May 2006: Maybe you want children? Maybe she reminds you of your wife but in a different form which in some way makes you happier? If she does not feel the same, you will be very uneasy around her if you tell her how you feel. If you do go off with her you ... (read in full...)
I always say the wrong things when my gf cries!!
Q. My girlfriend is often wishing I could be there for her on the phone when shes crying, I always say the wrong things when she cries over a movie on the phone what should I say?...
A. 10 May 2006: I can't understand why your girlfriends needs to display her tears so much over trivial things. Most people save moments when they need support for when they need them most, like when they or someone they love is in serious trouble. If you are not ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend got spooked by my t-shirt!
Q. I just bought a shirt with a humorous line on it, one of many that I already own. This new one has on it, "I be pirate, gimme your booty!". My girlfriend, who has been fine with my other humorous shirts, took great offense and refused to allow me to ...
A. 10 May 2006: Are you serious? It is not important, it shows a little insecurity on her part, that is all. Give it to her, wrapped up with a red rose, to wear in bed with you! Then go and buy a different one.... (read in full...)
| *larey's friends
These are mutual friends, so *larey has
added them and they have added *larey!
|
