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*d206 agony aunt

*d206

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*d206's profile:

Hi, my name is Cat and I'm 22 years old. I live in various cities in the UK since the city where I study and where my family live are different. I'm currently just out of a relationship and enjoying the single life for a while. I don't know that I am qualified to help people but I'd like to try. I've had a lot of experiences in my life and despite being quite young I'm always helping my friends with their problems. I'd like the chance to help all of you too. Feel free to private message me anytime.If you do however, please include some details of your problem as I answer a lot here and can't always remember specific problems. With big hugs, Cat xx

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She kissed another guy! Should I go back to her?

Q.   hey my girlfreind who i was going out with for 7 months recently cheated on me(she kissed another bloke). my family dont think i should go back to her but i think she is the love of my life. she has appologised a number of times.its been 1 week ...

A.   6 May 2007: What's your instinct? Do you still want to be with her? You're both young and when you're young you make more mistakes than you might otherwise. It really is down to you rather than your family's thoughts since you will have to live with the regret ... (read in full...)

We have an age difference of 3 years and it bothers him! What is your view?

Q.   Okay, I am 14..going to be 15 in oct. and i like this guy and he is 17 to be 18 in july..i like him he likes me we went out on a date, my parents really like him, but the other day he said he is bothered by the age difference, its only a little over ...

A.   6 May 2007: My guess is that he wants different things out of the relationship than you do because of his age... namely things like sex. Guys his age, and I'm not saying he is like this, tend to want casual sex with lots of girls. Therefore he's no doubt a ... (read in full...)

I'm starting to resent my husband... is our 13 year age gap to blame?

Q.   There is a 13 year age gap between my husband and I and when we married first it was ok. We now have 2 young children 4 and 7 and he is 50 - I am 36. The age gap is more noticable now and he doesnt really get involved in the upbringing of the ...

A.   5 May 2007: It might be his age that's affecting you or it might be the fact that he just doesn't treat you well. It's great that you don't want anyone to get hurt and I'd advise you to stay with him, not for his sake but for your kids. Have you told him you're ... (read in full...)

My ex says he will leave his current GF for me...how do I know if he's being sincere?

Q.   I recently got in contact with an old flame. We dated many years ago and both never really got over each other. He lives in a different city with his girlfriend. Im single. He says he loves me and wants us to be together but not right now. He says ...

A.   5 May 2007: Well I can't see why he would say he was leaving her if he wasn't but I don't think you can give him an ultimatum considering the amount he has to give up to be with you. He's making a huge sacrifice and it seems to me that the least you can do is ... (read in full...)

Her BF now only shows affection towards his friends, not towards her anymore! How does she talk to him about it?

Q.   this question is for my friend as she doesnt have an account on here. Shes 15 and her boyfriend is 16. Sheloves him alot and they've been together since she was 13 and he was 14. In the beginning of their relationship he would apprec...

A.   5 May 2007: Well she has to talk to him.... it's the only way... but it neednt descend into an argument because it takes two people to argue and if she doesn't want it to happen then it won't. I guess I'd suggest something along the lines of "Hey X, is ... (read in full...)

I just can't forgive my GF for cheating on me...

Q.   Hello all, this situation has me going crazy and i don't know what to do anymore. When me and my girl started, she cheated on me with her ex b/f. This was all within two weeks of us agreeing to a mutual relationship. I did not find out that sh...

A.   5 May 2007: Do you want to forgive her? You have three choices here.... forgive her and get back together, forgive her and don't get back together or don't forgive her and don't get back together. First of all you need to decide which of these three sounds the ... (read in full...)

I was used by a guy..how do I get over the fact my judgment was so wrong?

Q.   I am feeling bad about my incorrect judgement. I befriended a guy who came across genuine and caring. We knew each other for about 3 weeks...talking and texting regularly. Then we became intimate. After that time he has not contacted me, even though ...

A.   5 May 2007: Accept it that you made a mistake that most women make at some stage. At the end of the day it was a mistake. Accept it as such and move on. Like with all mistakes it will bother you for a while but you will get over it. Just use it as a lesson to ... (read in full...)

Does my BF's old High School flame want an affair with him; is that the reason she sent the 3 page letter?

Q.   My boyfriend and I live together. He received a letter from an old high school flame. (30 years ago) She wants to meet up with him for one day or a weekend. He says there is nothing to this it is all her. I say why would she write you a three page ...

A.   5 May 2007: Maybe I'm missing the point of your problem here but don't you keep in touch with old friends regardless of sex? Do you want a relationship with all of them? I think she's just establishing contact with an old friend. It sounds like you have trust ... (read in full...)

My new coworker is basically using me to get dates with my friends!

Q.   I recently made a friend at work and we seem to have enough similar interests to form a real friendship. He knows I have a boyfriend and does not seem to be interested in me romantically, but is constantly asking me to set him up with my ...

A.   5 May 2007: I have a friend exactly like this. He goes through my facebook list, picks a girl and demands I set them up, and then guilt trips me when I say no because he'd do it for me. The way I get out of it (which may not be the best way) is by telling him ... (read in full...)

If she thought they were just friends keeping in touch she would have understood that it wasn't appropriate to call him all the time and she wouldn't have gotten so upset.

Q.   My BF finally told his old girlfriend to stop calling him because it was upsetting me. She was very upset and starting saying that he would have never tolerated that from her (not being able to call an old girlfriend) and i must be controlling and ...

A.   5 May 2007: No, I think she feels let down by a good friend. Put yourself in a similar position. Say your boyfriend didn't like one of your close friends and asked you to stop spending time with her... would you expect her to accept it because she's a true ... (read in full...)

I was warned that losing one's virginity, in the case of a female, can be very painful.

Q.   I was warned that losing one's virginity, in the case of a female, can be very painful. I wasn't prepared for how intense the pain would be!! It was awful, even my boyfriend was surprised (he is more experienced than me, but bygones are bygones) ...

A.   5 May 2007: Everyone has different pain thresholds and what barely hurts for one person can be chronic for someone else. Until you get used to sex it will quite likely be a bit painful but it will get easier and is a good excuse to practise. Remember to always ... (read in full...)

She smiled then looked at me again and again. Could she like me or fancy me?

Q.   The other day caught this girl looking at me several times. She smiled then looked at me again and again. Could she like me or fancy me? I'm unsure of what these signs were. ...

A.   5 May 2007: Maybe she fancies you, maybe she was smiling at someone else, maybe you had toothpaste on your face, maybe she's had a crush on you for a million years. Looks don't always mean a lot and having not been there I have no idea whether this one did or ... (read in full...)

How can I make it easier for my partner to find out how to take me to that big "O"?

Q.   I'm VERY new to sex... But all my life I was told that "our kind", being my mom and me, are not "easy to please". I've noticed that what is apparently "pleasurable" to most girls, barely affects me. How can I make it easier for my partner to fi...

A.   5 May 2007: Okay. My basic question is can you orgasm by yourself? If you don't know how to please yourself it always seems a little silly to want a guy to please you. Experiment with yourself and work out what feels good for you, then show your boyfriend so he ... (read in full...)

My friend is addicted to glue sniffing, but doesn't want any help.

Q.   Hi my friend has recently told me hes becoming addicted to glue sniffing and doesnt know how to stop or what to do. how can i help him without being pushy and tellin him to go to the doctors or help groups - hes made that clear that he doesnt want ...

A.   5 May 2007: It's impossible to get help for a problem before you acknowledge it exists. If this friend of yours is over 18 I suppose that much as it hurts you have to let him make his own mistakes. I can't remember its name but am sure you can google the ... (read in full...)

My bf is asking me about this other woman at my work.

Q.   My BF was asking me alot of questions about a woman I work with (who is divorced and attractive). I was just wondering why this was because he claims that he doesn't think much of her although he doesn't know her well. He was asking what she ...

A.   5 May 2007: Okay.... are you worried he's actually more interested in her than you? If yes then answer me this... if you liked one of his work colleagues and were thinking of leaving your boyfriend for him would you ask your boyfriend what he was like? Exactly, ... (read in full...)

I feel otherwise about my family whom has been created around an illusion

Q.   My parents seem to have made considerable efforts in creating a so-called ideal family. But it is like a false illusion to display to the outside world. In reality there are lot of internal problems in my family, no one respects the other, no one ...

A.   5 May 2007: No family is perfect, on the outside or the inside. I don't know what situation you want to deal with. Do you want everyone to know your family aren't perfect? I advise you to accept the flaws within your family, no family is perfect and we only get ... (read in full...)

My friend keeps having dreams about her ex.

Q.   My friend has been having dreams of her ex (non sexual dreams) for the last few months and is quie worried by them. She has been with her current partner for 3 years and married him 3 months ago. As far as I know and what she has said to me things ...

A.   5 May 2007: Personally I don't think dreams mean anything.... unless anyone can shed light on the fact that I have a recurring dream where my dead grandmother tries to turn me into a frog and eat me... In my humble opinion she feels nostalgia for her ex, maybe ... (read in full...)

I can't feel safe having sex with a girl i don't trust.

Q.   I can't feel safe having sex with a girl i don't trust. Unfortunately, the girl i trusted got married to someone else and i am not sure if i could find someone who is even close to her in understanding me. Will i ever find someone who will ...

A.   5 May 2007: Yes, we meet more than one person in our lifetime who's right for us. If there was truly only one person for everyone we'd probably spend the majority of our time looking for them. The girl you love got married. That's sad... but it happens. You ... (read in full...)

I lost my Father...Does anyone have any advice for how I can step out of this cycle of regret I seem to be in, since he died?

Q.   My father died last October and I'm feeling quite upset and regretful for not having enjoyed my life more for him to see while he was alive. He was a beautiful, lovely man and died at 60, well before his time. I am 32 and although I know he was ...

A.   4 May 2007: Regret is just one stage of grief and I think you need to feel it, and possibly a few other stages before you can totally move on from his death. You're lucky that there was no animosity between you when he died and that you know undoubtedly he was ... (read in full...)

I slept with my boyfriend a few days ago and we didnt use a condom, could I be pregnant?

Q.   I slept with my boyfriend a few days ago and we didnt use a condom, he didnt come close to cuming inside me, but since then i have been having pains in my tummy as if i have been in the gym. could i be pregnant?...

A.   4 May 2007: Yeah they're wrong about 1% of the time but I would be fairly willing to trust them. Plus it's impossible for them to produce a false positive, just a false negative so if it says you're pregnant you are. CD... (read in full...)

Why do I have such a problem with him living with this girl?

Q.   My boyfriend is at a different university to me and next year he is living in a group of 6 with a girl that I do not like and do not trust. This girl can be deliberately nasty and has offended most people at some point. People seem to just accept t...

A.   4 May 2007: Absolutely. Am sorry if I came across as a little patronising suggesting that I wouldn't be the same in your situation but when you're not involved it's sometimes difficult to see that! Good luck with everything and don't let this girl get you ... (read in full...)

I'm only 16 years old and already fallen in love with the wrong man.... wrong man because he is already married!

Q.   I'm only 16 years old and already fallen in love with the wrong man.... wrong man because he is already married! from the start i know that.... but still i can help falling with him! and having sexual intercourse with him! he's name is aljohn! i ...

A.   3 May 2007: Leave him because his wife doesn't deserve it and neither do his children if he has them. It's wrong to mess with married men and you know that. Find someone your own age, it's the only way to be happy. CD... (read in full...)

Whenever I see him I just feel a massive wave of fondness over him, why do I get this?

Q.   hi im 16 and have been with my bf for about 4 and a half months now. I am so happy when im with him and i feel safe. whenever I see him I just feel a massive wave of fondness over him. why do i get this?...

A.   3 May 2007: I think you're feeling the very early stages of being in love. You're not 100% there yet but it's starting! CD... (read in full...)

How can I ask her without offending her in case I am wrong?

Q.   I am a virgin and want to lose my virginity. I think a girl I know wants to do the same but i am not sure. How can I ask her without offending her in case I am wrong? ...

A.   3 May 2007: Trust me, having sex with someone just because theyre also a virgin is a HUGE mistake. If you want to have sex you need to be in a loving trusting relationship with them which would make it easy to approach the subject and the act of sex. CD... (read in full...)

I don't know if what happened at the party would be classed as cheating because of what preceded it.

Q.   i need some help. i have been in love with my best friend's boyfriend for nearly a year (i consider him to be one of my best friends too) and last night we went to a party together. his girlfriend and a male work friend of mine were supposed to...

A.   3 May 2007: It was a drunken kiss. You shouldn't have done it but you did and there's very little you can do to change that now. He's your best friend's boyfriend and however you feel for him you need to put him to the back of your mind. Best friends can't go ... (read in full...)

I slept with my boyfriend a few days ago and we didnt use a condom, could I be pregnant?

Q.   I slept with my boyfriend a few days ago and we didnt use a condom, he didnt come close to cuming inside me, but since then i have been having pains in my tummy as if i have been in the gym. could i be pregnant?...

A.   3 May 2007: Yes you could.... if you have unprotected sex you can get pregnant whether he came inside you or not. It's almost certainly too early to tell so far but if your period is more than a few days late then take a test and in the future always use ... (read in full...)

Why would he want to end it so suddenly to be with someone else?

Q.   I was in a long distance relationship for nearly 4 years. It was an off and on affair, I never met his family or friends but he met mine as he stayed with me regularly. There was never any mention of commitment or settling down, we enjoyed being ...

A.   3 May 2007: I think it might be best to draw a line under the episode and move on. There's someone else who's stopping him wanting to be with you and even though that's hard to take, you need to move on from it so that you have a chance of finding someone who ... (read in full...)

Why does he feel the need to "compare" or do you think this is just a lame excuse?

Q.   Me and my boyfriend recently got back together after splitting up. Wehave a special relationship but getting back together has been very hard. One problem that seems to stand in our way is that he is always looking at other girls when we go out in ...

A.   3 May 2007: It's not a lame excuse but I don't think it's the real reason why he looks at them. I think the reason is much more simple but harder to explain.... he just can't help himself. All guys look at other girls. It's a natural reflex, whether they have a ... (read in full...)

She likes this lad but won't tell him. How do I convince her to just go and tell him?

Q.   my best friend really likes this lad and she has to much pride to allow herself to go and tell him. ive tried making her but it doesnt work with her and shes a little cautious as hes of a different racial culture to her! what can i do to convince ...

A.   3 May 2007: Being a different race isn't a reason not to tell someone you like them, fear is. She's obviously scared that she'll be rejected. You could try telling her that she's scared of being scared, or that if she doesn't tell him you will but neither of ... (read in full...)

She likes my best friend but he hates her. I love her but she doesn't like me! What can I do?

Q.   how do you know when you are in love or just really happy?? this girl i REALLY like dosent like me in that way i think i love her! =] but she likes my best freind who last time i checked he hated her. =[ what do i do?? peace ...

A.   3 May 2007: You can't make someone like you. She can't make your friend like her and you can't make her like you. If you love her like you say you do then you'll be happy to be friends just to keep her close. Maybe something will happen in the future and maybe ... (read in full...)

Shes pregnant with my child but still chats up men on the internet! Am I wrong if I end the relationship ?

Q.   My partner is pregnant with my child, we are so close. Yet she still seeks out men on the internet and chats to random men on sex sites online. I am today about to pull the pin on the entire relationship...am I being crazy? If I'm not enough for h...

A.   3 May 2007: Does she know that you know what she's up to? It does seem a strange thing to be doing and I do think you have more of a duty to try and make it work because of the baby. You'll probably groan out loud when I say this but pregnancy hormones do ... (read in full...)

Hes chatting on the internet to women, he wont give me his password, should I trust him ?

Q.   hey there my patner and i have been together for 6years.we have just got the internet and i have found out that he has been talking to this"lesbian" who after 2 days of talking went into where he worked and gave him her mobile number.apparently she ...

A.   3 May 2007: I'm not sure he should give you his password and I don't even know why he gave you his bank card and lets you open his mail. I don't mean any offence to you at all but everyone needs some privacy and I think he's just reacting against giving away ... (read in full...)

I don't know whether she likes me or what she is thinking since I kissed her.

Q.   I work with a girl who told my workmates that she really fancied me. I decided not to let on that I knew. We went out as a group last week, had a laugh and she kissed me at the end of the night. I really like her but am not sure if she's had second ...

A.   3 May 2007: Okay the crucial question here is what did you do during and after the kiss? Did you kiss her back or were you stunned into doing nothing? When she kissed you did you say something about it or change the subject. Inaction or changing the subject ... (read in full...)

I still like him but dont want to make it easy for him to win my attention. Should I try and stay clear?

Q.   i was seeing this guy for two months, but then we called it off as i wanted a relationship and he didnt..... since then we have been really good friends and he started seeing someone else. they didnt get on to well. now 3 months since we split he ...

A.   3 May 2007: Not necessarily but I think you should find out what his intentions are.... has he changed his mind and wants a relationship with you or has he been stringing along this other girl to make you jealous in order that you might agree to be his friend ... (read in full...)

Been seeing him for 6 months-there's not a lot of passion-so I'm unsure how he really feels about me. What should I do?

Q.   My boyfirend and i have been seeing each other for 6 months,he says i am a lovely person and to good for him,most of the women he has been with in the past havent been to good.he says i look unapproachable,and attract the wrong men.what he means by ...

A.   3 May 2007: It is a bit confusing and I hope you don't mind me having a stab at answering your question ( I always feel a little hypocritical answering questions about people who have actually experienced marriage and break up etc) but it seems to me like ... (read in full...)

Married 7 months and already we have broken up... now he wants to get back with me.

Q.   Hi, i had just been married 7 months when my husband turned around and said was confused and needed time to clear his head. He moved out, i was devastated and left my job and moved nearer to home (which he did not expect me to do) he said take this ...

A.   3 May 2007: I think you owe it to both of you to give your marriage a proper try but make sure he knows how hurt you were by his earlier actions and that he has to be sure he wants you before you come back because you can't be put through the same thing ... (read in full...)

Why do I have such a problem with him living with this girl?

Q.   My boyfriend is at a different university to me and next year he is living in a group of 6 with a girl that I do not like and do not trust. This girl can be deliberately nasty and has offended most people at some point. People seem to just accept t...

A.   3 May 2007: Yep, trust your boyfriend. It takes two people to cheat and however inappropriate she is and however much she wants to be with your boyfriend all those feelings mean nothing if he doesn't want to be with her. Part of being in uni means living with ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend and I fight all the time, how can we learn to communicate properly?

Q.   Hi, I really need help. My boyfriend and I are having differences, and when there is a fight ...he yells so much and then blames me for starting the fight and then goes on saying that i am manipulating him and or the situation and that i am makin...

A.   1 May 2007: Fights are nearly always optional. A disagreement doesn't need to descend into a slanging match where you both end up saying things you don't mean. Telling someone you don't want to fight and keeping your voice calm and quiet is often enough to stop ... (read in full...)

How can I bring her closer to me emotionally even if she dares not to break her marriage?

Q.   I'm involved with a married woman and i do not want to lose her, I really love her so much and she is confused and she does try to forget me to make believe that is worthless trying. How can I bring her closer to me emotionally even if she dares not ...

A.   1 May 2007: If you would die for her you have to also be prepared to let her go if that's what she wants. You might not want to do that but it's invariably the right thing. CD... (read in full...)

Met online, dated 2months, suddenly he ends it! Should I stay friends with him ?

Q.   Hi there. Im a 39 year old woman and had a wonder 2 month relationship with a guy I had met online. Last weekend he went to his hometown to a friend's party, and text me the next day that he was not ready for any relationship and wanted us to part. ...

A.   1 May 2007: Staying friends with exes is always difficult. In my experience you both have to really want to for it to work. Take your time deciding. If he really wants to be friends he won't mind giving you time to make the decision. CD... (read in full...)

I seem to date guys for a week or so then get bored. Why does this keep happening?

Q.   In the past month or so I have gotten in a routine of dating guys for only a week. This is my fourth boyfriend in the past two months. They weren't meant for me but I really like the guy I'm with now. The only problem is it's been a week and I ...

A.   1 May 2007: There's nothing wrong with this, you're just not ready to commit or not meeting the right guys yet. This will correct itself as you get older. CD... (read in full...)

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