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*andid Cally

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Friendships, like all relationships, begin when like-minded people meet on common ground.

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How do I get myself out of this vicious circle? I’ve become my mother and I don’t want to be

Q.   I need some advice. I know this may at first sound like a joke question but it’s not. I’m worried I’ve turned in to my mother and I don’t like it one bit. I need help. First some background information. I’m 23 and I’m in a longer term rela...

A.   21 August 2012: If you have not always had this anger, you may want to see a medical doctor to have blood work done. Hormone imbalances (thyroid, estrogen, testosterone especially) can cause someone to experience episodes of sudden rage. My mother had an extreme ... (read in full...)

I was diagnosed with something I can't find anything about. Can anyone help?

Q.   im not sure where else to ask this question or if anyone on this site can help me out, but i was recently diagnosed with red cell antibodies or anti-d antibodies. i've tried to look stuff up online and there just isnt much about it. im not sure i ...

A.   21 August 2012: Are you pregnant or have you received any blood transfusions? Have you tried calling the medical professional who ordered the test and diagnosed you? Have you tried calling the clinic or hospital where you were diagnosed?, ... (read in full...)

Not sure why but my self confidence has plummeted since my Bf cheated. How can I restore my self confidence?

Q.   I feel like my confidence has gone down and i dont know what to do. I've always been a very confident girl and lately i have noticed it's not the same. little things hurt my ego and bring me down easily. i realize i am a good looking girl but i dont...

A.   20 August 2012: What I have to suggest will not directly change how you feel...what it will do is help others feel more positively towards you. It will also make you more approachable which can help boost your confidence. If nothing else, even when you don't fe... (read in full...)

His habits drive me nuts, all day, every day!

Q.   It migt sound silly for most people, but two of my husbands habits drive me nuts every single day, even every hour. He has plenty of others but they are not as annoying as these.we have fights about it almost every day. It irritates him when I p...

A.   17 August 2012: He needs to see a doctor to have his hearing checked. Many men lose the ability to hear higher pitched sounds as they age. Additionally, He may have tinnitus which can be age-related or caused by medications (aspirin and acetaminophen.) Just ... (read in full...)

Is she being selfish and inconsiderate, or am I the jerk for feeling this way?

Q.   My Gf of about 6 months is starting to get on my nerves..im so tired the relationship is like a full time job with no day off... i do whatever she ask from babysiting her young child to taking her to work and other places she needs to go.Movi...

A.   17 August 2012: What do you want from life? What would make you happy? Not to contribute to your problems...but: You have 100k in your savings account and are not paying your credit card bills down. I am pretty sure the companies can eventually take ... (read in full...)

My Wedding soon, and I'm on track to lose some weight. Can you help motivate me more, with some happy weight loss stories?

Q.   Hi! I will be married in 8 weeks and want to lose some weight (5-6 kilos) I've already talked to a doctor and a nutritionist: they say I can do it and gave me a diet which I'm following. But, man, it's so hard! Can you please tell me some happy we...

A.   17 August 2012: 5-6 kilos is a very reasonable and obtainable goal in that time period as long as your diet plan also includes 30 minutes of moderate exercise at least a few times a week. If you are concerned that you will not be able to lose all the weight y... (read in full...)

Ex's g/f is all psycho -- what's up?

Q.   So I was walking down the street with this guy i'm seeing and I happen to run into my ex and he is with some friends and his girlfriend. He didn't see me because he was talking to someone then all of a sudden his girlfriend looks at me and then ...

A.   17 August 2012: This is probably not the right way to go about this, but this is what i would do: the next time you are out and spot them, record a video of her clinging and shreiking his name. Upload it to the internet and have someone send her the link (please ... (read in full...)

I am a separated woman trying to date. After you've read it all do you think I should see a therapist?

Q.   Apologies! This situation description isnt as short as I'd hoped it would be. Click back if you dont want to read a long story. I want responses, but if I dont get any because my post is too long, at least I'll have cyber-vented! My husband an...

A.   16 August 2012: You said you and your husband are 'separated.' Separated does not mean that you are legally divorced. If you have not legally divorced, you are technically and legally still married. If you are still married to your husband, there are rules. ... (read in full...)

Is Gender Ambiguity considered a major block in the road towards marriage?

Q.   Is Gender Ambiguity considered a major block in the road towards marriage? Is it something society is able to accept now? I have found a wonderful person to marry but I do not want to bring her a lifetime of meanness and hatred that some people...

A.   16 August 2012: Your questions could be answered by an academic or a lawyer who specializes in gender equality. The obstacles you will face to legally change your gender on paper will vary from state to state. Your situation is unique because you have anatomic... (read in full...)

She'll never admit that she's out of line!

Q.   Basically been with this women for 7-8 months and she constantly will never admit that she is out of line whether we have a debate or an argument. Below is our recent Skype chat which i believe she has gone to far with. As you read this conver...

A.   16 August 2012: I apologize in advance, but you probably will not like my answer. You two should not be in a relationship. It seems like you are just using each other to live out some long-term debate with twisted logic. The lols aren't funny. If you aren't c... (read in full...)

Had sex with long time best friend. Things seem different, do I talk to him about it or just ignore it?

Q.   There is this guy. He has been my best guy friend for around 6 years. I could talk to him about anything and ask him relationship advice. After about 3 years of knowing each other, we started to develop some emotional connection. We would spend ...

A.   15 August 2012: You should talk to him. The sooner this happens, the better. Your discusion needs to happen in person, maybe over dinner or coffee (but neither of you should be consuming alcohol during this conversation.) The environment should be intimate, but ... (read in full...)

I've been with her for 6 years but how do you know if she's the one?

Q.   HI Im wondering if i with the right person.Im with her a few years and we plan on getting married.Every day I have moments that i think she is not for me and other times im happy.I think im 65 to 70% happy with her.Is this enough to spend your life ...

A.   15 August 2012: Why do you think she is not for you? Is there anything that could change your feelings about her? How does he feel about you? How long have you been engaged? When do you plan to have your wedding?... (read in full...)

I'm thinking I'm in love with my coach

Q.   I think I'm in love with my coach. every time I see him, I just get so.. excited.. my heart skips a beat. He is so attractive, and really nice. Everyone knows him, and everyone likes him too.. just not the way I do. And I can't tell anyone I feel t...

A.   15 August 2012: It sounds like you are younger than 18-21 and are experiencing a very strong crush on your coach. It means you are attracted to him. This attraction has given you a reason to work harder in your sport to please him. While this is a good thing in ... (read in full...)

Can't deal with her past - should I leave now or keep trying to deal with my issue?

Q.   I used to roll my eyes when people say they had issues dealing with their partner's past; however, now I am unexpectedly on the receiving end as my partner's past is a bit beyond what I am used to, and I am at my wits end trying to stop dwelling on ...

A.   15 August 2012: This is not retroactive jealousy. This is your gut telling you to proceed with caution. My fiance had a nasty manipulative girlfriend in highshool. Early in our relationship, he talked about her a lot. My only advice is this: if she really I... (read in full...)

Should I be worried that b/f has stopped using pet names and just calls me by my name?

Q.   Dear all, Would you be concerned if your boyfriend stopped calling you pet names and replaced with using your first name instead? I noticed my bf of 8 months as started doing this. For example instead of hello or goodnight my darling/ angel/ ...

A.   15 August 2012: I think it would be best if you asked him (in a casual, normal, positive tone) why he stopped, or make sure you have his undivided attention and phrase it something like this, "i really like it when you used to call me 'pet name' instead of 'given ... (read in full...)

Why is there pain when I have sex?

Q.   Hi everyone. This is a bit embaressing but i need some help. Me and my boyfriend started having sex about a month ago (we were each others first time) but every time we do it its really painful for me. I don't understand why this is and its really ...

A.   15 August 2012: Like person12345 said, a decent lube is a great idea, however, you must make sure it is a water-based lube so it doesn't irritate your intimate areas or damage the condom. NEVER ever use peteoleum jelly as a lube! ... (read in full...)

Can someone just decide in a few hours if they want to be your boyfriend/girlfriend?

Q.   okay, so I'm a bit confused... Groing up and in college it was my understanding that guys are to wait a few dates and even a few months to ask a girl to be his girlfriend but 1) my ex boyfriend waited 2 days to ask me to be his girlfriend and ...

A.   14 August 2012: What is normal to some is not normal to everyone. To be honest, whatever your normal is now, it may not be the same as your normal from 5 years ago, or even five year from now. You have to decide what normal is for you...whatever it is, someone ... (read in full...)

She has a DR. Jekyll/ Ms. Hyde personality, Am I crazy for sticking around?

Q.   My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. I love her more than anything. (I know it's a lot, but i'm really trying to get this right. I potentially want to marry this woman.) I'm trying to find ways to keep the spark between u...

A.   14 August 2012: She isn't going to 'get better.' You can't have the competetive, video game playing, tomboy, you love to hang out with AND the obedient, lady-like woman at the same time. Essentially, you are pressuring her to be a person that she isn't. ... (read in full...)

Can someone just decide in a few hours if they want to be your boyfriend/girlfriend?

Q.   okay, so I'm a bit confused... Groing up and in college it was my understanding that guys are to wait a few dates and even a few months to ask a girl to be his girlfriend but 1) my ex boyfriend waited 2 days to ask me to be his girlfriend and ...

A.   14 August 2012: If he's telling you that you can say you are his girlfriend, but he won't call you his girlfriend...then right now, he's really just not that serious about being in a relationship with you. Essentially, by refusing to call you his girlfrie... (read in full...)

He left me because I think he is scared of ruining our friendship, He would rather keep me as a friend, What can I do?

Q.   I feel like my life is ending. I've loved one of my friends for a very long time. We finally got together but he ended it as he found someone else he liked and also he said he thought it'd gone too far and anymore we could reck our friendship. To be ...

A.   14 August 2012: If you became close in a 'friends with benefits' sort of way without even really being close friends, then, had him stop pursuing the 'benefits' with you aroun the same time he entered a true boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship with someone else ... (read in full...)

I screwed up our relationship And I feel horrible about it, Does he still have feelings for me?

Q.   We were engaged for 2 years. We met because his cousin is married to my cousin. I cheated on him over and over again. I put him through a lot,he cried and suffered a lot.I got pregnant by one of the men i cheated with. He still took me back with ...

A.   14 August 2012: Instead of asking us whether you may have a chance with a man who is currently in a relationship, you really need to ask yourself the following questions and answer them honestly: Have you addressed the reasons why you cheated on him so many tim... (read in full...)

Weirded out by sudden change. Has he lost interest?

Q.   Hi guys... I know that there are probably a ton of other threads pertaining to this particular subject.But I guess I just want to get my head on straight about this one guy that I have been dating. I haven't been in the dating game that long -...

A.   13 August 2012: Honestly, i think both of you want to be the person who is 'pursued' prior to starting a relationship. He pulled back because you didn't seem interested (you didn't go to his gig). If you like this guy, it is time to tell him that you like-lik... (read in full...)

How does an atheist overcome inter-faith dating challenges?

Q.   Hi, I was wondering what your opinion is on inter-faith dating, specifically for atheists. How do I meet girls who are atheist or agnostic? Do you think girls care whether I’m atheist? My issue is that I really prefer to date girls who are li...

A.   13 August 2012: You should seek out online forums, local meetings and consider attending conventions dedicated to skepticism. Skeptics employ a logical thought process to prove or disprove. They are usually atheist or agnostic. The James Randi Educational ... (read in full...)

Is it over or is he just sweating me?

Q.   Dear all, Please advise. I Have had a very rocky relationship with my BF. We had an argument last week in which I told him he is selfish, which he is. Usually, when we fall out , things kinda get sorted wihtin 2 - 3 day, (it' usually me who init...

A.   13 August 2012: My thoughts are this: you are a stronger woman for having recognized his controlling ways. He is a coward who is either trying to punish you or keep you interested in him by not speaking to you. He wants you to feel desparation. He... (read in full...)

We broke up but are still FWB. So why was he so outraged at the thought of me dating others?

Q.   My ex-boyfriend and I have not been in a relationship together for about two months, but we continued to sleep together and hang out. Technically since I’m single I thought it was ok to sleep with other people. I mentioned it to him and he was furi...

A.   13 August 2012: Please, stop texting him. Stop calling him. Stop answering his calls and texts. Unfriend him on any social networking sites. He is not your boyfriend. He is NOT even your FRIEND if he says you are disgusting and he is done with you. It is... (read in full...)

My fiance cheated on me because he jumped to conclusions, please help!

Q.   My fiance were supposed to get married april 2013. I was planning a surprise trip for his bday in october. I have a male friend who is a travel agent and since it was a surprise, went through him to buy the tickets book the hotel. I paid him cash ...

A.   13 August 2012: I am truely sorry for you loss. If you continue to have feelings of uncertainty, please book an appointment for relationship counseling and tell him he needs to go with you. An unbiased third party, the counselor, can ultimately help both of you ... (read in full...)

How can I seek revenge after being hurt so many times, Or can someone at least guide me if I'm on the wrong path?

Q.   My apologies as this will be very long but I appreciate you reading and giving me advice. Hello. My name is Dan and I need experienced advise. I am 23 and I have been single for 18 months now. The only relation I had was with one girl for 4 years...

A.   13 August 2012: Holding anger and revenge in your heart leaves no room for love. If you date this girl only to manipulate her into having sex with you so you can dump her and get revenge, then you truely become a 'creep.' You need to see a counselor. Some... (read in full...)

What can I do to overcome feelings I have for a friend I met during a break up?

Q.   Hey guys :) , i have been dating a guy for over 3 years now but we had a break up for a few months awhile back. We're now back together and very in love. While me and him were split i met this other guy kinda as a rebound thing because i was so u...

A.   13 August 2012: You can break off contact with him. There is not much else you can do.... (read in full...)

I've developed some kinda rash or pimples on my back and chest and it's ruining my life! how do I deal with this?

Q.   Im so confused right now. Thing is, ive developed a rush like pimples on my chest. When they heal they leave a dark scar mark. So since ive developed them, more than 3 people (adults) told me that its a sign that i might not have children in future. ...

A.   11 August 2012: It could be a sign that you have polycystic ovarian syndrome, BUT there are other symptoms that you must have as well to give this diagnosis. You need to see a doctor who can obtain bloodwork and determine whether you have the other symptoms ... (read in full...)

He didn't offer to take me home first, that is rude right?

Q.   I met this guy at a club. I am not his date,he invited me to come over his place to watch movie together. so I came to his place and had a small conversation with him suddenly he invited his friends and left me alone. he ignored me and just h...

A.   8 August 2012: You've asked this question here before: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-it-that-he-just-does-not-like.html I also noticed the same question on other websites going back to mid July. Obviously, this situation is bothering you because you'... (read in full...)

My partner stole from my father and now my mom thinks he stole from her,I should hate him for this right?

Q.   My partner admitted to taking £10 from my dads money. He said he borrowed it and was going to put it back that same night but my Dad noticed the money was missing and called me at work. My partner denied taking it at first but yesterday (3 weeks ...

A.   8 August 2012: Hee needs to sincerely apologize to your parents and repay your dad the money plus a little extra. If your boyfriend doesn't have money, where is the 600£ for the lie detector test coming from?... (read in full...)

I had sex with his friend and now he keeps bringing it up

Q.   dear cupid, back in december of 2010, i met this guy at college (we'll call him clinton). we "talked" for about a week and went on two dates before life got in the way and we were not able to even try to be anything really serious. looking...

A.   8 August 2012: My question to you: do you really love him?... (read in full...)

Am I a rebound? Is my boyfriend just using me to make his pregnant ex jealous?

Q.   Well thank you for reading. Here it goes short version. I met a guy 3 days after his relationship ended. He has known her for 11 years, dated off and on. Now she is pregnant and broke up with him and we started dating three days after. He te...

A.   7 August 2012: Does your boyfriend currently use (or have recently used) drugs (like methamphetamine) that impair judgement and could make him act impulsively? ... (read in full...)

How do I deal with my 12 year old daughters friend?

Q.   It's not love question, but something that's really troubling me, and it seems like there is no way out of this situation. My daughter is 12. She has a best friend for the past 6 years, a girl that they used to go to school with. The fact is th...

A.   7 August 2012: Your daughter's friend seems to be begging for another female adult (you) to explain to her mother that she IS being overprotective and IS preventing her child from having age-appropriate relationships with her peers. Your daughter's friend is ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend received a lap dance before we were exclusive but it still bothers me

Q.   Hi there, Before being 'exclusive' with my boyfriend, we were simply texting for a good few months. We'd share kisses and snuggle up with each other etc. We admitted that we really liked each other, but still nothing happened. Roughly two mont...

A.   7 August 2012: At the time he received his lap dance (which embarrassed him then and continues to embarrass him two years later) he was a SINGLE man because you were not officially together in a relationship. Why does it bother you two years later if you beli... (read in full...)

I kissed my friend while I was drunk!

Q.   I first met him at a party and he asked me my phone no. He was quite reserved and slow mover. So I texed him first and we went out together for a couple of times but we weren't clicked. So we decided to be just friends. After that we shared a lot of ...

A.   7 August 2012: He knew you were drunk and high and didn't want you to do something with him that would be out of character for you. I don't think that he thinks you were a naughty woman. Also, he had the decency to push you away instrad of take advantag... (read in full...)

I'm obsessed with the married man I had an affair with, and he told me that he wishes I were dead! How could he say such hateful things to me?

Q.   I had an affair with a married man, he broke it off and it was not pretty. I told his wife...to make a long story short...I would send him cards every once in a while..I think I'm obsessed with him. We ride motorcycles and he is a member of a MC ...

A.   7 August 2012: Your hurt is completely justified. What he did was nasty and unfair to both you and his wife. All you can do now is learn from this negative experience to ensure that no man ever takes advantage of you like this again. If there is a potentia... (read in full...)

My best friend's girlfriend didn't like our friendship and now he won't talk to me!

Q.   I had a Friend who was one of my best friends. In fact he was more like the little brother I never had. About a month or so ago, he got back with his ex, who had cheated on him in the past. He said at the time, he felt like he was making a huge mi...

A.   7 August 2012: Don't call a man you see as a "little brother" 'sweetheart' or 'babe.' Even a female who is secure in her relationship would probably view that as more than friendly 'pet names' boardering on flirting. Honestly, in the future, if most people w... (read in full...)

More than a friendship?

Q.   This may seem a bit of an odd request for help here but I need some opinions other than mine on a situation. I have become very close to a girl at work and we have become, I think, good friends but I am concerned that I am being used by her. We w...

A.   5 August 2012: You are having an emotional affair. You have both crossed lines and have deceived your spouses. How will your wife or the work girl's husband feel if they knew what you were both up to? Please stop pursuing the girl from work. Your confusio... (read in full...)

Ex is going to take all of his money out of the bank so I can't get any support money! Can he do this?

Q.   Hi everyone. I have a son with my ex partner of 5 years, we have been split for 5 months, he rarely see's our two year old son, I have applied for csa and they said I get £260 per month from him which they are taking out of his bank on the 9th ...

A.   5 August 2012: If he misses any payments you should keep record and report him to the CSA. If he has overdraft protection on his bank account, there is a good possibility that the payment will go through anyway and he will be charged an insufficient funds fe... (read in full...)

I "trapped" her, she fell for it, now she wants me to give her another chance. Should I?

Q.   Hello to all Aunts and Uncles! Really need your help here! I will try to be as detailed as possible as I want to try and give both sides of the story so apologies for what might be quite a lengthy story. I had been single for about 2 y...

A.   5 August 2012: You two need to sit down and have an in depth, honest and open conversation about what you are looking for in a relationship, religion or lack thereof, political views, pets/allergies, whether you want children and if so how many, whether you are ... (read in full...)

I'm obsessed with the married man I had an affair with, and he told me that he wishes I were dead! How could he say such hateful things to me?

Q.   I had an affair with a married man, he broke it off and it was not pretty. I told his wife...to make a long story short...I would send him cards every once in a while..I think I'm obsessed with him. We ride motorcycles and he is a member of a MC ...

A.   5 August 2012: By sending him cards, do you mean mailing them to his house where he lives with his wife? If the answer is yes, he said those nasty things to you because you are STILL causing problems for him and his wife. Did you ever think about how his wife... (read in full...)

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