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... Send *irdynumnums a private message | | | *irdynumnums's profile:I am old enough to know Not answer how old I am, wise enough to Not presume that I know all the answers, have lived in enough countries Not to assume any prejudices - and my Husband, Children and my love of Art make me tick. Have recently become a sailor and am swashbuckling on the high seas. Argh! *raising pirate hook*
Be careful what you Think, Thoughts become Words.
Be careful what you Say, Words become Actions.
Be careful what you Do, Actions will Define your Character.
...and Your Character will Determine your Destiny.
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| Latest articles: Tips for New Parents!
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2009: One of our agony aunts is going to have a baby soon, so I thought it might be nice to send her our best wishes and our tips, the practices on parenting that we have learned from our experiences! I'll start the ball rolling - - If you don't want a...
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No christmas or birthday card from my boyfriend, is it OK for me to be upset?
Q. I wrote on here a few weeks ago about how my boyfriend of 5 months didn't get me even a card for Christmas after I got him a $200 gift. My birthday was a week later and I did not get even a card for that either. Am I being a baby or do I have a r...
A. 14 January 2011: hahahaha eyes!... (read in full...)
No christmas or birthday card from my boyfriend, is it OK for me to be upset?
Q. I wrote on here a few weeks ago about how my boyfriend of 5 months didn't get me even a card for Christmas after I got him a $200 gift. My birthday was a week later and I did not get even a card for that either. Am I being a baby or do I have a r...
A. 14 January 2011: ASK HIM! Sit him down, tell him everything that you have told us and Ask Him!!! If you can't talk things out with him, he's not much of a boyfriend. ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with the alarming behaviour from my ex?
Q. My ex hurt me really bad via actions better kept unshared. We no longer communicate, at all. I was emotionally traumatized behind the behavior with which my ex conducted herself with me and decided it better that she and I not even be friends. ...
A. 14 January 2011: You are saying all the right things in your letter - and then we come to the final paragraph... which makes the rest of the letter sound hollow.
Why would you care about her motives if you are truly over her?
You already know the answer to her m... (read in full...)
It hurts to think after 5 years together it took him only a few weeks to sleep with someone else!
Q. To cut a long story short... Me and my Boyfriend had been together nearly 5 years.. Living togetther for 3. He tells me one day he no longer loves me and we break up.. very messy as I was devestated. He then met someone else for 2 months then told ...
A. 14 January 2011: "He tells me he no longer loves me suddenly and we break up" - sounds like she might have been in the picture back then and CAUSED the breakup to me; sneaking suspicion... Sorry - always the skeptic.
The one thing that a relationship can't surv... (read in full...)
She dumped me via a text, depicted me as not OK, yet I still love her what can I fdo.
Q. Hello all, my gf of 3 years, went to uni and dumped me over text and got with another guy the very next weekend! Three months on, i'm suffering from the heartbreak and she is in a "loving" relationship with this guy. I guess i,m happy if she's happy ...
A. 14 January 2011: First off; it's normal to feel this bad after a break up. Break ups suck. Especially being the one who was left; and even more so because you don't know why this happened or why she blames you. I suspect, reading between the lines, there are a ... (read in full...)
He got married! Is it wrong to still care about him?
Q. Years ago I meet this man that I was afraid to approach, over the years I never forgot him and he has never forgot me. When I finally got the courage to tell him how I felt and I always wanted him I found out he was a newlywed. But since that day ...
A. 14 January 2011: You know the difference between what is right and what is wrong.
You know that the minute you knew he was married you needed to stop talking to him like he was a possible suitor. Let's not sugar-coat this - He's married, you have found out; he's... (read in full...)
I want to break up this couple
Q. I have decided to fight for the girl I love even though she is in a relationship with someone else. I understand I am doing something extremely unethical and horrible but I just could not persuade myself to stand there like an idiot and watch ...
A. 13 January 2011: You seem to justify your thinking with a lot of rationalizations; therefore you feel like the 'right guy for her' in this pursuit. Let's leave all the things that you have used to prove to yourself that you are "in the right" and put them to one ... (read in full...)
Is it possible for a woman to cry on demand?
Q. Hi, Last year I was in a relationship with a woman who in retrospect I feel was manipulating me. She had asked me for a lot of money and I gave it to her over the course of the year, without getting anything back. (We were not even dating.) But I fo...
A. 12 January 2011: For heavens sake! You are going to judge all women in the future by this manipulative bitch? She saw you as a mark and took advantage of you; not every PERSON is a two-faced conniving liar, whether or not they are male OR female. She obviously is ... (read in full...)
I've tagged along while she shops for lingerie, so how do I get her in the sack?
Q. okay so I am really good friends with this girl. Like, I've known her since grade 5 and I am in grade 12 now. We talk about anything, including A LOT of sexual stuff. She has even taken me lingerie shopping. My question is, how can I get her to...
A. 12 January 2011: I certainly hope that includes "I love her" and "I respect her" somewhere in that equation. It looks like she is trying to GET you to be a bit more aggressive and prove your love. Don't go there if your intentions aren't honorable, however. It ... (read in full...)
He says he has no contact with his ex but my heart tells me different
Q. My partner of 6yrs has never told me the truth from the start, when we first got together he said he was single and no children 6mths into the relationship I found out he had been married and had a 5yr old daughter he was brining up on his own after ...
A. 9 January 2011: You have chosen repeated over and over again to believe a liar. I doubt there is anything that I can say to comfort you on your trip down denial.
Perhaps a better question is Why you think so little of yourself, your career, your time and your own ... (read in full...)
Sex is ok.
Q. I am 17 years old and lost my virginity to my boyfriend 9 months ago. We've been together for a little over a year now. It's never really felt that great when we've had sex. I've always thought I had a problem but I don't know if it's me or him or ...
A. 9 January 2011: Wow. Do you know WHY you are having sex? Because if you don't know why, then I sure don't!
Sex is for when you understand why you are having it. You haven't achieved an orgasm yet because you are too shy about sex to masturbate, and yet you have... (read in full...)
Since we got engaged he is getting more and more mean, and refuses to seek help for his anger problems. Help!
Q. Hello, I've been dating my guy for two and a half years. We got engaged around our two year anniversary and have set a wedding date. Since the moment we have gotten engaged he has been progressively more mean. We have had fights before, he would...
A. 7 January 2011: You can't change anyone else. You can't make him change. The famous "Dear Abby" used to ask, would you be better off with or without him. As you are single, not married, and he makes you cry several times a week, treats you AND your family badly, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend punched my friend and said I can't see him any more
Q. Today I was hanging out with my best friend(a guy) at a park and we were just talking and having a great time just hanging out. Well then my boyfriend came and got really mad that I was hanging out with my friend. My boyfriend was super mad and he p...
A. 6 January 2011: You are 16-17 years old. This is far too young to commit yourself to anyone, let alone a guy who needs anger management classes.
THIS IS NOT A NORMAL GUY!!!!! How many people do you know personally who have set a car on fire? He obviously has ... (read in full...)
For the girls: Is an uncircumcised penis a deal breaker?
Q. Is an uncircumcised penis a deal breaker? Only for women...
A. 5 January 2011: I prefer a dressed up penis, preferably with a condom.
Nope, either way is fine by me!... (read in full...)
My boyfriend punched my friend and said I can't see him any more
Q. Today I was hanging out with my best friend(a guy) at a park and we were just talking and having a great time just hanging out. Well then my boyfriend came and got really mad that I was hanging out with my friend. My boyfriend was super mad and he p...
A. 5 January 2011: LEAVE HIM.... (read in full...)
I don't think my boyfriend wants to have sex anymore!
Q. I have a question that is a little difficult to ask because I don't really know how to. My boyfriend and I have been having sex problems lately. Awhile back he told me he didn't want to have sex every night. He used to say he wanted to and could and ...
A. 5 January 2011: Seriously, you need to chillax a bit. Your man sound like a totally loving, totally faithful, totally normal guy. I really think that you're both going through a readjustment phase of your sexual relationship; and that your mutual expectations are ... (read in full...)
I don't think my boyfriend wants to have sex anymore!
Q. I have a question that is a little difficult to ask because I don't really know how to. My boyfriend and I have been having sex problems lately. Awhile back he told me he didn't want to have sex every night. He used to say he wanted to and could and ...
A. 4 January 2011: There is an initial "Honeymoon" stage in every relationship. It used to be after the marriage, now it's once a couple first engages in the beginning of their sex life together. The beginning is marked by desire and constant need to be together; ... (read in full...)
Why is my colleague being so overprotective?
Q. I think a guy where I work likes me but I'm not sure. He treats me differently from everyone else (he's not my boss) in that he seems very protective of me in the workplace and is always stressing that if I have problems with certain people at work ...
A. 4 January 2011: It feels like I would be more worried about him and his territorial displays more than I would be about the other two guys who are bothering you (assuming they are single). It all feels a bit heavy-handed on his part and a little control freaky ... (read in full...)
Is there anything wrong with a young woman having a "sugar daddy"?
Q. Hi All, I am a young guy still trying to figure out life and love. I am wondering if you all can give me your opinion on a girl I met. I met this girl a few months back.She's gorgeous, a model, wants to be an actress.She's from Czech Republi...
A. 1 January 2011: But if it were YOUR son; would you want you western son to fall in love with her? Or would you hope that your son would fall for "the girl next door". I'm not judging. I'm Just asking. And I think there are a lot of problems and hang ups that ... (read in full...)
Is there anything wrong with a young woman having a "sugar daddy"?
Q. Hi All, I am a young guy still trying to figure out life and love. I am wondering if you all can give me your opinion on a girl I met. I met this girl a few months back.She's gorgeous, a model, wants to be an actress.She's from Czech Republi...
A. 31 December 2010: Kind of reminds me of that old joke...
"Would you sleep with me for a million dollars?" "I guess so..." Guys hands girl $10 dollars... "What kind of a girl do you think I am?" she says. "We've already established that; Now we're just hagg... (read in full...)
How do I get the maximum sex out of my husband?
Q. I am married last month to a businessman. he loves me but sleeps little with me.. though we are together in bed but less he will hug me to sleep together.. intercourse only on weekends because of his night business files on the bed. knows le...
A. 31 December 2010: Make up some hard and fast rules.
NO files on the bed, no office work in the bedroom. Make him an "office" space where he can work in the house and keep your bedroom reserved for your marriage bed. I can't imagine trying to make love when the ... (read in full...)
First time he hasn't been in touch! Is it because of his son?
Q. I have been seeing this guy for the past few weeks. He is separated and shares a son with his ex part-time. Unfortunatly over the holidays he did not get to see his son and was pretty upset (understandably). During this time he was texting me a few ...
A. 31 December 2010: Christmas and the holidays are very busy times; especially with a young son. He probably has a lot of other family obligations with siblings and parents who would want to see their nephew/grandson at this time of year when you boyfriend has his 5 ... (read in full...)
If your girlfriend had only a single 2 minutes' sexual encounter before you were in her life,would you let that effect you?
Q. If you were a virgin before your gf and you knew that your gf only engaged in sex for a minute or two and realized it was wrong and stopped. And that was her only sexual encounter before you,would you let that effect you? I love my girlfriend but I ...
A. 31 December 2010: Be careful what you Think, Thoughts become Words.
Be careful what you Say, Words become Actions.
Be careful what you Do, Actions will Define your Character.
...and Your Character will Determine your Destiny.
If "you haven't looked back sinc... (read in full...)
If your girlfriend had only a single 2 minutes' sexual encounter before you were in her life,would you let that effect you?
Q. If you were a virgin before your gf and you knew that your gf only engaged in sex for a minute or two and realized it was wrong and stopped. And that was her only sexual encounter before you,would you let that effect you? I love my girlfriend but I ...
A. 31 December 2010: How can I get over this unnecessary drama. Grow up. Life isn't perfect. If you love her - prove it by loving her "warts and all". It's not retroactive jealousy; it's stupidity. giving it a fancy name makes the action seem legitimate. As a ... (read in full...)
How can you tell when the guy is in it just for sex?
Q. How do you tell when a guy is only in it for the sex? How can you tell? I just want some advise on things that guys might do if they are only in it for the sex. ...
A. 31 December 2010: At your age - high school - I totally recommend waiting until University until you have sex. Most guys are trying to get laid in high school and aren't emotionally ready for any kind of relationship at all - maybe a large generalization, but true. ... (read in full...)
If a girl regularly wears tight clothes or shows skin, does that mean she may not be faithful in a relationship?
Q. OK, I may get flack for this, but the Agony Aunts have given me wise advice thus far so I will give my question a chance: In brief: If a girl you know dresses very immodestly, is that a red flag for a possible future relationship? ...
A. 31 December 2010: Clothing may not be the be-all and end-all that reveals a persons character; but revealing clothing DOES invite glances, flirtation and suggestion.
Even though dressing stylishly might be a pursuit that young women enjoy; wearing trampy clot... (read in full...)
Married man or emotionaly unavailable?
Q. I had been seeing a man for over a year, then he broke it off stating he was not ready for a long-term commitment. After 8 months with no contact, we recently reconciled. I suspect he may be married and have tried to ask questions to determine his ...
A. 31 December 2010: Make it your New Years Resolution to pick only emotionally available men.
You deserve a big High Five for not taking more c*** from this man and standing up for yourself. You deserve better! Let's hope for a really stand-up guy to come your way ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend saved my life and is now handicapped. Should I stay with him?
Q. I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 24. He is the best thing that's ever happened to me. It almost sounds unreal, but he saved my life about one month ago. He pushed me out of the way from getting hit by an oncoming car, but he was badly injured. Right now, ...
A. 26 December 2010: Leaving a guy who was injured saving your life at Christmastime is possible THE most self-centred, selfish bit of arrogant ignorance that I have ever heard of.
Your family is wrong. You need to grow up. He did this to save you; it's time to retu... (read in full...)
I have an online friend that I confide in rather than my boyfriend. Is this wrong?
Q. Hi everyone .. Please help me think.... Ok...I've been living with my boyfriend for 3 years now. We love each other. We like doing things together and spend 24 hours a day together coz we have the same Job and work at the same place and same ...
A. 26 December 2010: 40-51? And you use the word coz? Me thinks this is not your age group...
Yeah - I pretty much agree - this is what you would call an emotional affair and it is cheating.
If the situation were reversed and YOU found out that your live-in ... (read in full...)
I sent him pictures of me in my underwear and now he is not talking to me! Should I wait for him or move on?
Q. Okay, So i am in 8th grade. About 3 months ago i was talking to a freshman (9th grade) that i really liked. He had dated some of the hottest girls in school so i felt like i was dreaming, no i couldnt really be talking to him. He was sweet and ...
A. 16 December 2010: Sorry Hunnie! I had a Mom who was pretty much useless teaching me about relationships too... I can see why you would think that being important to a boy at any cost comes from watching what your Mom has spent her life chasing after men.
I thin... (read in full...)
I sent him pictures of me in my underwear and now he is not talking to me! Should I wait for him or move on?
Q. Okay, So i am in 8th grade. About 3 months ago i was talking to a freshman (9th grade) that i really liked. He had dated some of the hottest girls in school so i felt like i was dreaming, no i couldnt really be talking to him. He was sweet and ...
A. 15 December 2010: OMG, I thought you were 18-21. !3-15? WOW! Way too young to be even thinking of doing things like this Hunnie! You need to talk to your Mom about relationships, boys, sex and get her advice on things, in all honesty. Trust me, she wasn't born ... (read in full...)
How do I let him down gently? I don't want to be his mistress!
Q. Since I have been single from and on and off again replationship, I met a guy an older man that happens to be married. I should have known from the start that I shouldnt get involved with him from when I met him and my girlfrends gave me a little ...
A. 14 December 2010: A married man who kisses other women isn't anyone's "good friend"; especially not his spouses. You know he's just trying to get into your pants AND that he's a cheating husband; Why are you worried about letting him down gently?
Those feel... (read in full...)
I sent him pictures of me in my underwear and now he is not talking to me! Should I wait for him or move on?
Q. Okay, So i am in 8th grade. About 3 months ago i was talking to a freshman (9th grade) that i really liked. He had dated some of the hottest girls in school so i felt like i was dreaming, no i couldnt really be talking to him. He was sweet and ...
A. 14 December 2010: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Never send pictures! They stay out there in never-never land for ever and ever and they are TOTALLY out of your control now!!! You can't stop the ones that you have already sent, but you can STOP doing this NOW and not take any in t... (read in full...)
Why are the worst men attracted to me?
Q. ok so i have started to notice this trend lately that has been happening ? iv noticed that the worst men are attracted to me like im not being rude but im talking drug dealers and drug addicts themselves, the are really attracted to me an upfront ...
A. 13 December 2010: Some people are the "reachers"; just don't give in and be the "settler". It's lovely, it's flattering to be approached constantly even if they aren't your 'cup of tea'; but you need someone who has the same goals and values that you have.
D... (read in full...)
Am I underweight?
Q. Hi. I know this is not a medical site, but I'd just like some opinions from regular people. I'm a 24 year old female. I am 5 foot 6 and weigh 8 stones. Is this underweight? If so, is it very bad? Thank you....
A. 10 December 2010: You are 5'6' and weigh 112. It depends on your frame size as well; but you are a bit underweight. It may mess with your monthly cycles to be at this weight, you may have spotty or absent periods, so putting on a few pounds isn't going to hurt you. ... (read in full...)
He walked out on me and our son!
Q. I have a seven month old son, the father left me when I was seven months pregnant my heart still feels for him and I just found out that he is seeing another woman and I am heartbroken. I don't understand how he can just let go of us so quickly he ...
A. 9 December 2010: Why would you want him back? He has proven to you what kind of man he is! Cowardly, fickle, unsupportive, immature, irresponsible??? What kind of stable home can a man such as this provide? You are better off creating your own insular little ... (read in full...)
Is my husband confused or is it over?
Q. right its a long story but i need our help, my husband of nearly 3 years (been together over 7) left me on 6th october, he said he needed to do this! right we lost our first child last a year gone may (6 years of trying), we didnt grieve...
A. 9 December 2010: I'm so sorry that you are hurting Hunnie. What can I say that will change things? Nothing. You can't change him, you can only change yourself. That much is true. You can't make other people love you. You can't change the past. There are times ... (read in full...)
He's spinning me right round, right round..
Q. Hi everyone: Lately I've been going through a lot because of this guy I dated nd I'm in love with and now I don't know what to do. My story goes like this : I met him on january and since the first day we saww each other we had like a connect...
A. 9 December 2010: Your story is unintelligible. Look it up between texting.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has an alcohol problem and broke my nose.
Q. Hi I am 20 years old liveing with my boyfriend who is 35. Everthing was just fine until he started drinking realy bad! I have left him becasu of him hitting me on two different occasions but I took him back! About a week ago he broke my nose. ...
A. 9 December 2010: You can't change other people. The only person that you can change is yourself.
God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.... (read in full...)
Is my husband confused or is it over?
Q. right its a long story but i need our help, my husband of nearly 3 years (been together over 7) left me on 6th october, he said he needed to do this! right we lost our first child last a year gone may (6 years of trying), we didnt grieve...
A. 8 December 2010: It sounds like this has been a very dramatic ending to your relationship.
I think that you should be trying to build an new life far away from these memories that just trigger a lot of pain. If you know in your heart and your head from the expe... (read in full...)
I just feel so directionless!
Q. Recently, well its been a feeling for some time but more prominent at the moment, I just feel so directionless! My life isn't going anywhere. I'm 21, never had a girlfriend, sex, never even had a proper kiss, no female friend. I'm quite shy ...
A. 8 December 2010: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGJuMBdaqIw... (read in full...)
I just feel so directionless!
Q. Recently, well its been a feeling for some time but more prominent at the moment, I just feel so directionless! My life isn't going anywhere. I'm 21, never had a girlfriend, sex, never even had a proper kiss, no female friend. I'm quite shy ...
A. 7 December 2010: Invictus
OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under... (read in full...)
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