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*irdynumnums agony aunt

*irdynumnums

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*irdynumnums's profile:

I am old enough to know Not answer how old I am, wise enough to Not presume that I know all the answers, have lived in enough countries Not to assume any prejudices - and my Husband, Children and my love of Art make me tick. Have recently become a sailor and am swashbuckling on the high seas. Argh! *raising pirate hook*

Be careful what you Think, Thoughts become Words.

Be careful what you Say, Words become Actions.

Be careful what you Do, Actions will Define your Character.

...and Your Character will Determine your Destiny.

Latest articles:

Tips for New Parents!

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

23 July 2009: One of our agony aunts is going to have a baby soon, so I thought it might be nice to send her our best wishes and our tips, the practices on parenting that we have learned from our experiences! I'll start the ball rolling - - If you don't want a...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [56 pages, 2214 answers]

He just stopped contacting me. Has he lost interest?

Q.   I am a very confused girl and I would really appreciate peoples opinion on this, especially guys cos I don't know how your minds work. This guy and I got close, we had so much in common, we just seemed to connect. We hung out a few times but it...

A.   1 September 2011: I think it was just one of those things, and even if he liked you, it never really 'got off the ground'. He probably decided that it with the move coming up, it wasn't going to be good idea to continue dating; having only just started. I'm sure... (read in full...)

My bestfriend is dating my ex-I don't know what to do!

Q.   My two best friends are dating. And one of them is my crush. Basicly My best friends started dating. She knows i fancied him and his best friend fancies her. He's just a little crush but i cant help thinking that she should have thought about ho...

A.   1 September 2011: She knew you still liked him and started dating him and he is your ex as well?!!! That's something kids do when they are 15 and don't know any better; not at 26. At 20 onward, it's called a betrayal. He should have known better as well. Find new ... (read in full...)

Why do I attract older married/attached men?

Q.   I'm really confused by how I always manage to attract older married men. Don't get me wrong I do get alot of offers from younger guys too but for some reason I really manage to attract the guys I shouldn't. I'm 20 and I work in a well known leisure ...

A.   1 September 2011: You would be surprised. Some of the women who tell you that they aren't approached, are lying to you. Some of the women who look like wallflowers are someone else's mistress. And for the record, most workplaces are as incestuous as yours. Who do ... (read in full...)

I don't want to end my 11 year marriage but my wife is not sure. She cheated

Q.   i have been married for 11 years to the same women, i have never cheated on her. two months ago our fighting got really bad and i was ask to move out the house. then one night she ask to talk to me, i went over to the house where she told me she ...

A.   30 August 2011: I'm so sorry, it sounds like you are in a lot of pain. Even though you took vows together and you love her; you can't change someone else or make them love you if they don't. You sound like a smart man - if she asked to go into mediatio... (read in full...)

My step son leaves everything to the last minute and leaves me to pick up the pieces, and my husband expects this of me too!

Q.   I am extremely frusterated about something that keeps happening and I don't know what to do.. My step son always waits for the last minute to do everything then it is just expected that I will jump through hoops to take care of it. My husba...

A.   30 August 2011: Stop handling it! Stop rescuing them and let them deal with the fallout. All you are teaching them now is how to be irresponsible. If it causes a fight, don't participate in the fight or tell them you are going out for a while and you feel that ... (read in full...)

Six years and he still won't set a date??

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 years, we have been engaged for 6. We do not live together, in fact we only get to see each other maybe once or twice a week because of his work schedule. I love him so much and he says the same. But we ...

A.   30 August 2011: What Tisha said...... (read in full...)

My wife's behaviour is making me lose respect for her

Q.   Ever since I have married I have become miserable, as I feel like I got a bad deal, as I don't feel like my wife brings a lot into this marriage. She comes with a past which has made me a bit of an emotional wreck. Add to that she has messed up her ...

A.   30 August 2011: You haven't mentioned children. I assume that you are expecting that at some point, she would not be working If you have children; and therefore would not be expected to contribute by working outside the home. Most young brides aren't cons... (read in full...)

I dreamed of having sex with fat men

Q.   For two nights I dreamed of having sex with 2 different fat men. They were of average attraction and one a doctor and the other a celebrity. Both were of different race. Can you tell me what this means?...

A.   25 August 2011: It means you long for wealth and see things only in black and white. How am I doing? I can be reached at the Psychotic Friends Network. kidding... ... (read in full...)

I wrote to him, telling him how much he hurt me. Now he wants to talk to me about my letter

Q.   A multifaceted dilemma: I am a very liberal, environmentalist, highly educated middle aged woman in an area where none of these things are valued. I will not be able to leave this area for nine more years when I will retire. Due to our location...

A.   25 August 2011: LOL hahahaha - Yes - smartphones are a pain sometimes! Yes - that clears things up a bit. Frankly, a lot of people are on dating sites and that wouldn't be a concern to me but coupled with everything else? I can see why you are upset. When ... (read in full...)

I have a boyfriend but am slightly attracted to women

Q.   Okay. I have a serious problem. I'm 16 and I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I seriously love him but lately, I'm becoming slightly attracted to women. It's weird. When I'm with my boyfriend, I have no problems connecting with him. We are ...

A.   25 August 2011: Well... There is such a thing as the Kinsey scale - but if you are constantly having crushes on girls more than boys; that's a huge 'Hey There' to you. Crushes are a big tell. Having said that, women tend to move more fluidly into different sexu... (read in full...)

How do I tell my boyfriend I want children now?

Q.   Hi, I am 20 years old and have been with my boyfriend for two years. For awhile now me and him have been talking about getting married and living a happy life, but now I want kids. We have discussed having kids but we never really decided when. Bo...

A.   25 August 2011: Here's what to say to him. "My Darling Husband - I love you sooo much! I am sooo happy that we are both finally finished school and we can get on with our lives! I am soooo happy that I waited to start a family with you until we were BOTH able... (read in full...)

My breast are too big, and they cause me problems in my daily life..

Q.   Hi, I'm 19 yrs. old my height is 174 - that would be about 5'9 - My problem is my big breast on a small frame upper body. About 2 yrs ago they were the perfect size which to me was good because my breast are fully round starting from the armpit and ...

A.   25 August 2011: Sometimes breasts can be affected by the hormones cattle are given, so cut down on beef products and see if that helps. This actually happened to my sister-in-law; she lost a cup size when the doctor told her this. I wouldn't get a reductio... (read in full...)

I wrote to him, telling him how much he hurt me. Now he wants to talk to me about my letter

Q.   A multifaceted dilemma: I am a very liberal, environmentalist, highly educated middle aged woman in an area where none of these things are valued. I will not be able to leave this area for nine more years when I will retire. Due to our location...

A.   25 August 2011: That clears it up - not at all. What is Birdshe? Is she a female ex-colleague or a male ex-colleague?... (read in full...)

I wrote to him, telling him how much he hurt me. Now he wants to talk to me about my letter

Q.   A multifaceted dilemma: I am a very liberal, environmentalist, highly educated middle aged woman in an area where none of these things are valued. I will not be able to leave this area for nine more years when I will retire. Due to our location...

A.   25 August 2011: I don't get it. Was the other colleague sharing his room female? ... (read in full...)

Am I being unreasonable at being annoyed that he doesn't seem to acknowledge the fact that we've shared a bed?

Q.   I have hooked up with one of my closest male friends 3 times. Last time we hooked up was June. Neither of us talks about what happened and we continue our friendship as always, except for the occasional heated look he gives me and warmer hugs. A...

A.   24 August 2011: This is why you don't just "hook up" - and why you have to hold out for letting him come calling, court you, ask for a date, take you out, and wait for you. "He started it" isn't any of the above. Now, it's pretty obvious it was just sex and that... (read in full...)

How do you know if you will want to have children or not?

Q.   Question for you since no one has a real good answer for me. My fiancee and I had a discussion the other day about having children. Up to this point in my life I have gone back and forth a lot. Sometimes I want a child, sometimes I absolutely do ...

A.   24 August 2011: I have to say that while you bring up a lot of legitimate concerns regarding taking on the task of raising children, it is rather refreshing compared to young girls who rush right into the task because babies are as cute as puppies. My number one ... (read in full...)

Tricked by a man - again!

Q.   What is going on with me ? I have just been totally tricked yet again.I have had my fair share of life lessons regarding relationships but seem more naive than I have ever been. I met a guy who I thought really liked me .he seemed so genuine and we ...

A.   23 August 2011: Don't sleep with any guy for at least 2 months when you start going out. THat should give you enough time to get to know them. No going to his apartment, no inviting him to yours, no being alone together period. Just date. Movies, dinners, ... (read in full...)

He said I'm loose down there and now I'm really worried!

Q.   Hey please help me... Ive recently lost my viginity (on holiday with my bf this week) and he is larger than normal. At first he said i was loose however i explained that i have been very experiemental in my past. however after 3 days of sex he...

A.   23 August 2011: What should you do? Stop sleeping with guys who tell you that you are loose and that they are larger than average??? Wow, what a jerk. A vagina stretches to accomodate any size of penis, then it shrinks back enough to hold a tampon. Gives birt... (read in full...)

When is there a good time to say you like someone?

Q.   When's the right time to tell someone you like them? Right now I'm in high school. I'll be starting my senior year in 2 weeks. So of course I'm in my puppy love phase where I get a crush on someone. The only difference is, that this is the first ...

A.   23 August 2011: From what you said in your letter; I thought that he was into you. Of course; I haven;t the slightest notion if he has a girlfriend, that is up to you to find out. He is definitely send out signals that he likes you and barring the whole ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend says I'm not loud enough during sex

Q.   My boyfriend and I have really good sex but he still asks me if I'm enjoying it. I know it's good that he wants to make sure I feel good but it's his reasoning that gets me. He says he's not sure because I'm not loud enough. I moan like the whole ...

A.   23 August 2011: Sure. Not quite sure why you are having sex at your age - it's not necessarily the means to an end except for becoming a family and raising children, so if he isn't the father of your 13 children, perhaps you should be more discriminating? So - if ... (read in full...)

My BF has asked me to use a strap-on for him. I don't want to!

Q.   For background, my entire romantic life has been full of men who did not make me feel womanly. I happen to be a more forward/blunt person and that has resulted in me being the one who "wears the pants" in every relationship except my current one. I...

A.   22 August 2011: Some web sites... http://prostatestimulationguide.com/ .adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/anal-sex-toys/anal-vibrators/sp-waterproof-prostate-massager-9080.aspx... (read in full...)

My BF has asked me to use a strap-on for him. I don't want to!

Q.   For background, my entire romantic life has been full of men who did not make me feel womanly. I happen to be a more forward/blunt person and that has resulted in me being the one who "wears the pants" in every relationship except my current one. I...

A.   22 August 2011: I can see how you would find this pretty out there as a sexual act. I get the whole prostate as a sex spot but I think most women are going to balk at a strap on. This brings having a "porn buddy" who will come in and dispose of your porn stash ... (read in full...)

I've been a serial cheater but now my life is in a mess

Q.   Firstly I know I have brought this on myself but here goes, I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years, and she is and was everything I could wish for and treated me better than anyone ever has but still I have cheated on her like I have with all ...

A.   22 August 2011: Three months? An engagement should be for at least a year or two. How the heck do you get to know a person in three months? You need to slow down and tell people the truth in order to form a relationship that has a bit of substance. ... (read in full...)

His family drives a wedge between constantly - can our relationship survive???

Q.   I need some advise as to what I need to do regarding my relationship. I have been dating this guy for almost 2 years. This last we officially made it boyfriend and girlfriend. I was introduce to his family, including grandma. He knows my family ...

A.   21 August 2011: When a man wants to become a couple, he puts "His" woman above everyone else and cuts the apron strings, because he is creating "His" family. This Guy is not doing this and he has proved how weak he is over and over again to you and to his own ... (read in full...)

Long Distance has affected our relationship. Is a temporary separation the way to go?

Q.   My girlfriend and I have been dating for over 2 years now. Last year I went to college and she stayed back home in high school which was very tough, but we managed to get through it. Right now we are both getting ready to go to college, but we have...

A.   20 August 2011: I would think from what you have described that you should put a moratorium on dating each other. You are both very young and it hardly seems fair to both of you to continue with something that isn't working or that is making either of you unhappy. ... (read in full...)

Why do people think its okay to berate women who sleep with married men?

Q.   I'm so fed up reading people taking the moral high ground on every topic, especially that of married cheats and 'home wreckers' There is so much contraversy surrounding cheating at the moment on this site and I would like to express my views as...

A.   18 August 2011: Seriously, we are all going to hell in a hand basket. Britain used to require people to wear gloves, court, declare intentions and leave calling cards. We have gone from this to admitting sleeping with married men and declaring innocence within 4 ... (read in full...)

I fear that I may be wasting my time if my partner waits any longer to make commitment. HELP!

Q.   I have been with my partner now for almost 3 years (on and off). About 6 months ago I left him for 3 months then gave the relationship another try, I did truly miss him and my heart did linger for him only. He is 38 years old and I am 24, I live ...

A.   16 August 2011: Dating and playing the field = free food for you. Playing house on the weekend = free sex for him. I think one of you is already playing games and winning, but thank God you aren't willing to compromise yourself. If you are always willing to l... (read in full...)

Did my friend even know what she was doing?

Q.   Is it even possible that what happened was molestation? My best friend, who was a year younger than me and the same gender as me touched me for 3 years between age 7 and 10. I never wanted any of it and it makes me sick thinking about it now. But ...

A.   16 August 2011: I agree with both posters. Most kids play doctor at some point in their life with someone else, same sex or otherwise. It only meant that you were both curious and that you knew parts of your body were pleasurable to explore. I'm actually read... (read in full...)

How can I make sure my lover's wife found out about us without him knowing I did it?

Q.   I am having an affair with a man from work. I am single, he has been with his partner for about 5 years and they have lived together for one or two years. We worked very closely together for over a year. he had feelings for me throughout this ...

A.   16 August 2011: "When a man marries his mistress, He creates a job opening..." I love this line because it speaks to the character of the man you are sleeping with and what you can expect from him in the future. My husband's line on observing his colleagues affa... (read in full...)

I fear that I may be wasting my time if my partner waits any longer to make commitment. HELP!

Q.   I have been with my partner now for almost 3 years (on and off). About 6 months ago I left him for 3 months then gave the relationship another try, I did truly miss him and my heart did linger for him only. He is 38 years old and I am 24, I live ...

A.   16 August 2011: The next time he asks for a 'sleepover' (booty call) - don't go! Instead; tell him you have a date! And then go on one!!! This guy wants all the benefits of a wife but is gun shy after his last break up. That's not your problem. You KNOW he i... (read in full...)

I think I got involved with a liar, maybe even worse

Q.   In June of this year, I met a man on craigslist. I answered his ad, and now I am kicking myself. This person claims to live in another state, but posted in ad in the city where I live, hoping that the woman he found would eventually move to where he ...

A.   16 August 2011: Why keep pursuing a lost cause? If he can't call after 5 - he's married. If he keeps changing phones - he's shady. Liar? He hasn't told the truth so far - so why would you trust him to in the future. There are better places to meet a guy! ... (read in full...)

Why do creeps ask girls if they are virgins?

Q.   Why do creepy guys and perverts ask teenage girls "Are you a virgin"?...

A.   15 August 2011: Because they are creeps. ... (read in full...)

I keep dreaming about having sex with him!!! How can I stop these dreams and get him out of my head???

Q.   what the heck is wrong with me?? I cant get this guy outta my head. We were together but hes in the military so we called it a day as he was always going abroad. But we stay in touch. All I do is fantasise about sleeping with him. I think about it ...

A.   15 August 2011: A lot of guys have premature ejaculation when they are young and inexperienced. Not a big deal. You have feelings for him. That's clear. It sound like you are not that close yet, and that you haven't spent a long time together - but you have... (read in full...)

I really don't want to be with somebody who treats me like this but am shocked and numb!

Q.   My boyfriend of 2 years and I are 35. When we dont agree on things I prefer to agree to differ but he gets verbally abusive and swears and calls me a f*ing idiot. I find that so offensive. None of his family swear. He gets angry when he dr...

A.   14 August 2011: The thing that jumps off the page to me is that - He isn't interested in protecting you. That's a huge red flag. Most men will go out of their way to protect a female they care about. As a matter of fact - He actually seems to have gone out o... (read in full...)

Can anyone help me to sort out my feelings?

Q.   I broke up with my ex a year and half ago. He didnt take it well and so I gave him another chance and we end up seeing each other again for a short whileafter eight months into being apart. We were just hanging out, not official though. Totally ...

A.   12 August 2011: If you have a sense of betrayal because he was a man whore before you got together and he never told you how much of a whore he was, because he knew that "little fact" might influence you to drop him. It's not exactly a lie, but it's still a sin of ... (read in full...)

I told my partner that she smells awful down there and she won't let me go anywhere near her intimately, she is paranoid and her confidence ruined.

Q.   I've done a terrible thing. I have been seeing a girl for around a month and been going out with her for about two weeks. We had a shaky start to the relationship but since then things have been going great. We have been enjoying a great sex l...

A.   11 August 2011: She may say that she is healthy, but when was the last time she had a check up? Perhaps she should see a OB/GYN and ask them if there might be problems?... (read in full...)

I am seeing my ex-grilfriend's younger sister, ex threatning me, please help me !

Q.   My girlfriend dumped me two years back for absolutely no reason. I was struggling to come with terms of that heartbreak. But for the last two months, I have been dating her younger sister who is 4 years younger than me and I found her more courageo...

A.   11 August 2011: Dating is generally a search to find a mate. Not a search for revenge. What is the eventual outcome for you and your "real life partner"??? Well.... Sister will hate you. Sister will ask her parents and other family members to hate you.... (read in full...)

My ex suggests having a sort of FWB relationship and I don't know how I feel about it

Q.   Is it possible to remain friends and have sex with a man you love deeply and have spent many years with while moving on? He never cheated,or physical abuse but was very unhappy with himself and no matter what I did could not prove the the tr...

A.   11 August 2011: You were living together all those years? Mistake number one. If YOU want to be married, don't move in. Seeing him occasionally for sex isn't going to make any problems go away and generally women remained attached to the person they have sex ... (read in full...)

Fell for him at a spiritual retreat, he's married, how can we pursue this?

Q.   Hi all, I met this guy last year during a spiritual trip, and I fell for him completly. I thought he was my soulmate but then found out he was married. He seems to be in a loveless relationship. I am so willing to pursue him, and also I think th...

A.   9 August 2011: "Men who leave their wives and marry their mistresses; Create a Job Opening." It's a great saying, mainly because it speaks of the character of the guy who is spinning tales in order to get some. ... (read in full...)

When are men going to STOP being so selfish about porn and START realizing they are destroying the woman that loves them?

Q.   Some women like porn and don't mind if their bf's look at it. This does not apply to those women. This is for the rest of us, the majority. Those of us that HATE PORN and HATE HOW IT MAKES US FEEL ABOUT OURSELVES. Seriously, after all the ex...

A.   9 August 2011: If I knew my husband visited chat rooms or contacted women for cybersex; he would be a dead man. That is personal one-on-one interacting with another person which to me is sex; even if there's no actual touching. In general, porn doesn't both... (read in full...)

Should I move back home in the hopes that my ex will follow me?

Q.   Hi I was wondering if you could help me. Ive asked a few questions in the past on the same topic. Its my Ex. We split up over a year ago now. He left as he has commitment issues, he left me up north in our home, I moved to London to get away from...

A.   6 August 2011: You are not making good choices. Reread the letter and pretend it's written by someone else. Would you recommend not using birth control and having children with a possessive psycho? How about when someone else is sleeping with a guy who hold... (read in full...)

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