How can I stop feeling so sorry for myself?
Q. I have to be honest and tell you all some pretty shocking things about myself. I have a self-pity complex. I often walk laps of the local lake and wonder what could have been. I live in the past. My quesion is...How can I stop feeling sorry for ...
A. 29 April 2010: Hi there.
Don't fret. You have made the first step towards change by recognising this behaviour in yourself. You have been able to take a step back from yourself and see that these thought patterns are not helpful and prevent you from moving forw... (read in full...)
My husband avoid talking about having a baby
Q. My husband and I have been married for 3 months already. We went for tests because it's been 2 years since we started dating and we never used a condom and never have I fallen pregnant well test came back that we both have a problem anyway when I ...
A. 29 April 2010: Maybe he's just not ready? He's been married for 3 months, it doesn't mean he should immediatly want to have children.
I wonder if he is still upset about the baby he took care of from his previous girlfriend. He took care of that baby, loved it a... (read in full...)
Do You Have a “Good Girl” or a “Bad Girl” on Your Hands?
Q. Pinkee Here~ Lately, I have been reading the book The Good Girl’s Guide to Bad Girl Sex by Barbara Keesling, Ph.D. Barbara is a sex therapist, author, and columnist, and has much to say on this topic. Unfortunately, most women fall into the “good ...
A. 27 April 2010: Hmmm I have some from both good and bad. I love sex and want it more than my boyfriend. I've tryed to be directive but it comes out wrong and he says I'm being demading when I ask for what I want. When I suggest some kind of wild sex he is either ... (read in full...)
I dreamt I had a penis and had sex with a woman! Why does this all mean?
Q. This is a really personal dream. I mean – I feel weird about being open about this but I really want to know what it meant… Before I begin, anyone reading this should understand that I’m female in real life. I’m heterosexual. And yes, I've had a ...
A. 27 April 2010: I think Myau's makes the most sense. Perhaps you were acting out what you would like done to you? Funnily enough, I have had a similar dream and it was a really odd feeling upon waking! I remember in graphic detail what I did as a man. It wasn't ... (read in full...)
Effort or Experience?
Q. Effort or Experience? Some friends and I were having this discussion recently and it seemed that answers were about 50/50. Everyone had good reasons so I thought I'd pose the question here. Which would you prefer in a lover, experience or...
A. 27 April 2010: In sex life? Effort. They can have experience, but if they don't make an effort to please you, it counts for nothing. They can have experience but not know what they are doing. Also everyone's different so they have to make an effort to learn how to ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend have such a one track mind?
Q. okay so i have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, and everytime were alone he always trys to have sex with me its so annoying! Some days i just want to hang out watch a movie and cuddle but he just wants to have sex.... and when i tell him no he ...
A. 25 April 2010: You need to talk to him. Tell him how you feel. For him, sex is how he expresses his love for you. When you reject him, he feels like you dont find him desirable and this is why he winges. I know, I'm the reverse. My partner doesnt want sex as much ... (read in full...)
What should I do to keep myself occupied while he is away? I'm determined to make it work this time!
Q. Now, I won't lie to you, this is a very peculiar relationship predicament I find myself in. And it's as painful as it is unusual. I first saw this man several years ago, when I was very young indeed. And he was, well, not very young. I watched him ...
A. 25 April 2010: If your love is true and strong, you will find a way. I know it must be hard, with no contact for weeks. Perhaps ask him to send you postcards, maybe 3 times a week, to keep him in mind. If he is at the same address for a while also, perhaps you ... (read in full...)
Afraid to talk to the doctor in case this is just silly
Q. Hey there, I'm quite worried about the size of my vagina and the vaginal opening. When i open my legs it seems to gape and I can feel alot of space inside. During sex quite alot of air gets in, causing embarassment. I've been doing pelvic floor ...
A. 24 April 2010: Go to the doctor hun. You're not being silly. Nothing should be too small for the doctor and they will have heard and seen it all before, so don't worry. You deserve to have your mind put to rest and be given treatment to help you. I'm not a doctor ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex's girlfriend act so mean. He dumped me for her.
Q. My boyfriend of two years and I just broke up in Janaury and its been really hard for me espically since he left me for somebody else. But the girl he left me for is really mean to me. I knew who she was before they started dating but ever since ...
A. 23 April 2010: Ignore her, she's not worth your time. She stole your boyfriend off you, and now she's with him she probably feels insecure around you because you were with him for two years. So she snubs you to make herself feel better.
You don't have to be frie... (read in full...)
I wanted him to fight for me, ...but he just gave up instead.
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up because he wasn't sure about his feelings for me anymore. We'd been together for 3 years. I told him I couldn't be with someone who wasn't fully committed if I was. But truthfully i had my doubts. 2 weeks passed and he c...
A. 20 April 2010: Please don't take this the wrong way, I don't mean this to sound cruel! After reading this I thought,what did you expect? He was having doubts about your relationship. Which everyone does from time to time in every long term relationship. So you ... (read in full...)
Troubled about her sexual past
Q. Well, i just got married 5 months ago with the one i'm in love with but i started having a problem when i think of her ex-boyfriends with whom she had sex before we knew each other. Before our marriage she told me everything about her past; wh...
A. 20 April 2010: As hard as it may be, try to stop obscessing over her past relationships. Try to shift your focus from her past to her present and future together with you! Obviously she is a lovely, attractive, likable woman, as you've married her, so she is bound ... (read in full...)
I know I am number 1, ..but it is hard knowing there have been so many other number 1 women throughout his life.
Q. i'm in an age gap relationship, and there's one thing that has been an annoyance in that. everythings great, but i keep bumping into small things that make me realize our 19 year difference, and how much he has been through in love. im 18, hes 37. ...
A. 20 April 2010: I can understand where you are coming from as I am 24 and with a 41 year old guy who has been married for a brief time, a couple of years before he met me and also has a teenage daughter from a previous relationship. From time to time he mentions ... (read in full...)
Authentic Arguments
Q. Lila here~ Last week I wrote about speaking authentically. How on earth is a person supposed to remember to speak authentically when they’re in the middle of an argument? Well, that’s the time it’s the most important, so the more you practice when ...
A. 20 April 2010: A very good way to communicate. It can be very hard when your emotions are in the way and the other person is very stubborn in their views to remain calm and do this, but worth trying to do.... (read in full...)
Is casual sex a bad idea?
Q. Does anybody think casual sex is a bad idea? I don't think there is anything wrong with it as long there is contraception being used. What do other people think thank you x...
A. 20 April 2010: I personally don't think there is anything wrong with it, if both parties communicate about what they want and understand each other. If both people just want casual sex or a 'bit of fun' and nothing more serious, I cannot see the harm in it. I ... (read in full...)
How do I get back my sexual desires for him?
Q. My boyfriend and i have been together for 16 months now and going strong. We love each other to death, but there's a problem. out of the first year together we spent three quarters apart due to the fact that he's studying overseas. I have never done ...
A. 19 April 2010: I have a similar scenario to you, except I am the one who goes away for studies and it is my boyfriend who's sex drive has faded from the on off relationship situation. And now his lack of desire for me, over time, has made me surpress my desire and ... (read in full...)
Is he a sexual deviant or is this a hint that he wants me or what?
Q. I have to ask. This guy is kinda shy in the bedroom but SAYS he wants me. Then the other day he wanted to watch porn and he kept stealing glances at me while we watched it. Then he started to masturbate in front of me! And wanted me to also. Is he a ...
A. 19 April 2010: Well have you too had sex yet? It seems quite odd to me that he would want to start a sexual realtionship with you by masturbating together in front of porn, but to each their own! The main thing is, is this what you want? Perhaps he is just really ... (read in full...)
I'm worried I might have set my standards too high and I will never meet anyone who is right for me!
Q. Hello, I hope you guys can help. I am almost 25 and a virgin. I can't quite find anyone who is good enough to a) have sex with b) have a REAL relationship with. It's just that I feel as if I have waited for the right guy but all the m...
A. 19 April 2010: "Yes, I agree that some men would have met someone special aged 21 with whom they went on to be intimate with. Then aged 40 met someone else and again, went onto have sex with them. Thats all very well. If it works for them, then so be it. I ... (read in full...)
I'm worried I might have set my standards too high and I will never meet anyone who is right for me!
Q. Hello, I hope you guys can help. I am almost 25 and a virgin. I can't quite find anyone who is good enough to a) have sex with b) have a REAL relationship with. It's just that I feel as if I have waited for the right guy but all the m...
A. 19 April 2010: I think chigirl says it best. I think you need to decide what key qualities you need in a man. Write them down. Aim for between 5 and 10 max. I think top of your list should be, 'does not take sex lightly'. There are guys out there who believe in ... (read in full...)
Do some women really just get nothing from clitoral stimulation?
Q. Simply put, as the title states I'm just curious if some women out there genuinely get nothing from clitoral stimulation. I'm completely open to the possibility that I'm doing it wrong, but it's really getting to the point where I'm frustrated with ...
A. 15 April 2010: Yes this is possible. I don't get much from cliteral stimulation but I love penetration. This could be because of what Cerberus said, every vagina is different, so different stimulation suits different women.
This woman sounds a lot like myse... (read in full...)
Is sex something bonding for women?
Q. Do women become more attached to men they've had sex with? I've had a drawn-out flirtation with a woman. We are never single at the same time. I sometimes wonder if she thinks about me (we were pretty inappropriate for a while at one point when I ...
A. 14 April 2010: A woman can become attached to a man they have never had sex with. Attachment for (me as a) women does not purly happen after they've had sex with a man. It is entirely possible to have a 100 one night stands and flings and to feel an attchment to a ... (read in full...)
Is this a big age difference?
Q. there is a man who is 11 yrs older whants to marry me ,,iam 22 and he is 33,,is it a big age diffrence??...
A. 12 April 2010: Are you comfortable with the age difference? Do you think you can love and live with this man your whole life, reguardless of age? He will age earlier than you, does that matter to you? 11 is a significant age gap but it's not huge and not uncommon. ... (read in full...)
I am preganant and my husband continues to look for sex!
Q. Ok so this is my problem. I am 25 and I have a five year old daughter. I have been married to her father for 3 years now, been together for 6. Our relationship was great (so I thought) until I started to find out things about him. Such as hidden ...
A. 12 April 2010: You need to give him an ultimatum and stick to it. Either he cuts it out or you're leaving, divorcing and taking custardy of his children. Tell him he has to go to counselling, for couples and for his cheating. His cheating may be a fantasy, and he ... (read in full...)
Embarrassed about what I weigh...
Q. Hi all last week i took two home pregnancy tests because my period was 2 weeks late , i took one in the afternoon which came up postive really quickly, then i took another one the next morning just to be sure and that also came up positive right aw...
A. 12 April 2010: Try telling him the truth. He might be more understanding than you think. Guys know how much pressure women are under to be a certain weight and size. I'm sure he'll understand why you don't want him to know. He would probably even not care if he ... (read in full...)
We're seeing one another but he tells everyone we're "just friends"!!!
Q. I've known my guy for over a year, we get on real well, do all the "couple things", he has been living with me for the past 4 months, sometimes he introduces me as a friend, other times he introduces me as the girlfriend, if any body asks him to ...
A. 12 April 2010: Hmm a difficult one. If you take this issue away for a moment, what is your relationship actually like? Do you act like girlfriend and boyfriend. Does he treat you well and make you feel loved and wanted? You say you do all the couple things, does ... (read in full...)
I'm jealous of his online friend and its affecting our marriage
Q. My husband is into gaming. At first, I was okay with it. I thought it was a harmless hobby and he was doing some writing for his character. He would have me read his writing and I enjoyed seeing this creative side of him. Now, though, it's sta...
A. 9 April 2010: I just wanna say thank you to QueenKatie for your answer. I've been made to think that my boyfriend's behaviour is acceptable and that it is I that is the silly, jealous girlfriend for not wanting my boyfriend to play games all the time. Because,... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose my husband, but I don't want to hurt the 'online guy' by telling him I am actually married either.
Q. i'm 23 years old and married for 2 years now, recently me and my husband has been addicted to this online game, we haven't really have time for each other anymore, we don't go out like we used to. Well, I met this guy from an online game, he was ...
A. 9 April 2010: Ok so you've drifted apart from your husband, due to online gaming(the bane of my existence) and as he is ignoring you for this game, you have found the attention you crave from this game and the people you meet there and in particular this one guy. ... (read in full...)
Did I injure myself masturbating?
Q. hey this is really embarising. Well im 15 and iv never had sex or any thing like that but i do masterbate with this thing i have that works good. Any ways i was usen it in the shower this morning and i was kinda in a wierd position it dint feel tha...
A. 9 April 2010: You should be ok. I've injured myself masturbating too hard in the past :/ This is easy to do if you are using a tool of some kind, ie vibrator etc. Your vagina is a sensitive area, with soft, delicate tissue. If you're repeatedly hitting it with ... (read in full...)
I'm jealous of his online friend and its affecting our marriage
Q. My husband is into gaming. At first, I was okay with it. I thought it was a harmless hobby and he was doing some writing for his character. He would have me read his writing and I enjoyed seeing this creative side of him. Now, though, it's sta...
A. 9 April 2010: I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend is a hardcore gamer.
We have an on off, long distance relationship. I am away for my studies, 6 months of the year. Gaming is what he does most of the time when I'm away.
He has a bunch of friends ... (read in full...)
B/f accused me of saying he's a player and now doesn't want to see me!
Q. I am a bit confused and need some advice. I am in along distance exclusive relationship. I was talking to my boyfriend during the day .he stated he was just going to go home from work and clean up the house a little. Later that nite i texted him ...
A. 9 April 2010: Bit of an over reaction to an innocent question. Having fun yet could be interpreted any way but he interpreted it as are you cheating. Whether he is or isnt, he sounds like an idiot to react this way. Move on.... (read in full...)
Why did my period get lighter?
Q. i did sex at a first day of my periods and after that my period get light what is that am i get preganant...
A. 9 April 2010: It is possible to get pregnant whilst on your period. Your period getting lighter is not a sure sign either way. Get a pregnancy test to be sure and put your mind at rest.... (read in full...)
Agony aunts forever!
Q. I was wondering how I can get paid to become an agony aunt, I love helping others and answering questions, its one of my passions. thankyhuu x...
A. 9 April 2010: Well besides getting an agony aunt column in a magazine, which would be an awsome job, there's life coaching and couselling. You could set up a private agony aunt service, online or by appointment. You'd have to get some couselling qualifications ... (read in full...)
Marriage is a mess! Can anything be salvaged from it?
Q. I stumbled across this site through Google, and basically just need someone to listen. 11 years ago, my wife and I got married (second time for me, first for her). At that time, she was a little overweight, but sexy with it. Fast forward to 2009:...
A. 9 April 2010: You need to talk to her. REally spell out in no uncertain terms how you feel and where you stand with things as they are. She doesn't, to me, sound like a happy woman and is coping by over-eating, seeing health professionals and dressing low key, to ... (read in full...)
Is age only a state of mind?
Q. im a 26 year old single lady.I have been friends with this guy for over two years now.i always knew that he was attracted to me but has never really asked me out.The truth is that i am also attracted to this guys and i would like to go out with him ...
A. 8 April 2010: 2 years isn't an age gap, honestly. You've nothing to worry about. Say yes and go with it :)... (read in full...)
Is there a correlation between gender and sex drive?
Q. I am curious. I have a pretty good sex life, but I think my sex drive is a little higher than that of my boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't bother me, because I am getting enough to keep me satisfied and I know we both love each other to ...
A. 8 April 2010: I think its a whole bunch of things that affect sex drive. Yeh testosterone levels have a part to play. I also think attitude to sex is another issue. If you view sex as a positive thing and you enjoy it and assosiate it with good times/feelings, ... (read in full...)
Marriage is a mess! Can anything be salvaged from it?
Q. I stumbled across this site through Google, and basically just need someone to listen. 11 years ago, my wife and I got married (second time for me, first for her). At that time, she was a little overweight, but sexy with it. Fast forward to 2009:...
A. 8 April 2010: Hmm ask yourself, if things changed could this work? What would need to change for it to work? You cn't turn back time. But if you do love this woman you can move forward. You chose to marry this woman, so you must have felt at some point that you ... (read in full...)
Do I have the right to hate my brother even though I don't remember what he did to me?
Q. Hey well im 15. But when i was 2 from 3 years old my older half brother molested me he was 12 threw 13 at the time i think. I dont remaber it at all. I only know what my mom said. He thought they were next door but my mom wasnt an she cought him in ...
A. 7 April 2010: Of course you have the right to hate him. You have the right to feel however you do feel about him. You must have many complicated feelings about this. As you don't have any memories of this, how can you know if it's true? You can only know what you ... (read in full...)
Should I go for lunch with my teacher?
Q. Just to give you an insight: A principal I had in middle school agreed to go out to lunch with me when I asked him awhile back. We exchanged numbers and we’ve texted off and on these past couple of months. (Not like crazy, just to set up a day when ...
A. 7 April 2010: Hi there.
I think it's lovely that you have formed such a strong bond with one of your teachers. It's great when you have a teacher you can really relate to, you can learn so much more from them than a teacher you clash with. It's also nice that... (read in full...)
I think I have commitment phobia!
Q. I think I might have a serious fear of commitment... getting even slightly involved with a guy freaks me out. Last year, just as things were starting to get serious with a really nice guy who I'd liked for a while, I freaked out and backed out after ...
A. 31 March 2010: Hi there!
I absolutly think this abusive relationship has something to do with your instinct to run. This guy abused your trust and left you feeling vulnerable. Its totally understandable why you're afraid to invest your feelings in another rela... (read in full...)
Should I stay or should I go?
Q. My husband of 7 years started using drugs again. I truly love him but with his recent actions I am torn-what should I do stay with him and help him through this and hope for the real him to come back? He tells me to leave but I know its just the ...
A. 31 March 2010: Hi there.
Drug abuse is often related to mental illness. Did you notice a change in his mood or behaviour around the time he stared taking drugs again? He could have turned to drugs as a way of coping or self medicating.
Whatever the reason h... (read in full...)
We have only been dating for 3 months and I am worried it is too soon to talk about spending more time together, and eventually moving in together
Q. I have been dating a wonderful guy since the first of January. I have been divorced for 5 years, he has been divorced for 10. I have never met anyone who I have been more compatible with, except for one thing: I am ready for more of a permanent ...
A. 31 March 2010: Hi there!
I think it's wonderful that you're found someone so lovely and so compatable. It sounds like he is a lovely person, who is just set in his ways. He must be happy taking things slow. It could be because he's been hurt before and does... (read in full...)
I'm going to the club without my boyfriend, am I doing anything wrong?
Q. me and bf have been together for 2 years, in the past couple of months he has decided he no longer wants to go clubbing. i still enjoy going out and dancing, i really enjoy dancing with him but he says he will no longer go. we came to an agreement ...
A. 26 March 2010: By going along with your boyfriends unfair requests, you are colluding with him. You are giving him the impression that his controlling and paranoid behaviour is OK, when it's clearly not. Everyone here has said in one way or another that your ... (read in full...)
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