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I am a Canadian girl..originally from the beautiful province of Nova Scotia. I now live in Central Canada. I come from a military background and moved from place to place as a child and it shaped who I am. I have a challenging career which really keeps me down to earth and grounded. I really enjoy reading and responding to the questions on this site. |
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I feel low, and hurt, and very very lonely. And I don't know what to do to get out this rut. Help me..
Q. My boyfriend has just dumped me after several months of treating me like dirt on his shoe, this is only my own conclusion after a lot of talking to friends, until now I believed greatly the whole problems in the relationship, and the reason for the ...
A. 8 January 2008: You are sounding better but go easy on yourself too. You will still have good days and bad days. Hang in there and keep us posted.... (read in full...)
I feel low, and hurt, and very very lonely. And I don't know what to do to get out this rut. Help me..
Q. My boyfriend has just dumped me after several months of treating me like dirt on his shoe, this is only my own conclusion after a lot of talking to friends, until now I believed greatly the whole problems in the relationship, and the reason for the ...
A. 6 January 2008: Wise and solid advice from the other posters here. Sounds to me like you are introspective, sensitive and hard on yourself. People such as yourself are treasures in the world, there are not enough of them but as stated in another post here other ... (read in full...)
I'm living a miserable existence. Must I put up with it just for the sake of our daughter?
Q. Can anyone help?I've been with my o/h for 10 years and we have a 5yr old daughter.Before our daughter was born he was kind, considerate but sometimes a little moody.When i became pregnant although he said he was happy he changed.The occasional mood ...
A. 5 January 2008: Hi there
I read your post a couple of times to get the sense of what you are grappling with here. It seems to me that, in some sense you have already made up your mind on this one. It seems that you want and need to leave. If, when you balance all ... (read in full...)
I really want a bf but boys only ever notice my friend.
Q. I have this friend who is stunning, confident and flirty and all the boys fancy her. Trouble is, they don't notice me. And she can be a bit slutty too. Last night she had a party, there were two hot guys there and , surprise surprise, she spent th...
A. 24 December 2007: Hi hun
From reading your post it would seem that your friend would be a challenging friend for anyone to have. If she met two guys and was all over them maybe she can make the assumption with you that you will put up with it. It does not mean she... (read in full...)
My (and her) biggest problem - lack of sex. She is already in a relationship but we plan to act upon the mutual sexual attraction. Should we do this?
Q. I need help. I know what I plan to do is wrong, but it doesn't make me wanna stop. I met a girl, across the net on a game, long story short, both her and her partner share the account, he has become a good friend to me too. Although a ...
A. 22 December 2007: This is kind of a odd situation. Is this girl married to the man in question. If she is not then is there a reason why she just does not end it. It might take a bit of the 'spice' out of your meeting up but it would be on the up and up at least. She ... (read in full...)
Once hurt very badly by a man I loved, now I run a mile everytime I'm in a relationship getting serious because I'm terrified I'll hurt again. This way I'm hurting others as well. Advice?
Q. It's 3 A.M. and I have just got back out bed. There's something I can't get off my mind so I felt the need to ask my friends on 'dearcupid' for advice. It all started two years ago when I met a guy called Jay* we were seeing each other for ar...
A. 22 December 2007: Hi hun. A couple of things struck me as I read your post. Have people told you that you might have a tendancy to be hard on yourself. If you are feeling alone and down at three in the morning...that could be deprssion and coupled with the Christmas ... (read in full...)
If we become physically intimate in the day of the conference, would it be a one time wonder or could we continue when we return home?
Q. Lately a coworker and I have been wanting to become more intimate. We met at work and have become friends and have done some fun things together. He and I will be going to a work conference. I think that this would be the time to go to bed together. ...
A. 19 December 2007: I am assuming you are both single and unattached.
The operative word here is coworker. In my opinion it can complicate things if you get involved with a coworker. If the relationship gets physical at the conference you run the risk that others w... (read in full...)
She claims she no longer has sex with her husband and is offering me the possibility to meet her in another city where she has a conference scheduled. Should I take this "opportunity"?
Q. A few years ago while working at a partner company I got to know an attractive woman. We started eating lunches together and grabbing coffee. We have also done other things together. Since then I have moved on to another business but have stayed in ...
A. 19 December 2007: Oh boy...the age old story but a human one too I guess. Here is the deal in my eyes. She wants a bit on the side and you want this too apparently.
There are two outcomes here. The reason you have talked about it is because you both know the pote... (read in full...)
Should I let them keep their little secret?
Q. I share an apartment with my older sister. A few weeks back I came home early and caught her and my older brother in her bed having sex. I was shocked at first and have not said anything. I have since found them two more times. I think this is ...
A. 16 October 2007: Are they using birth control? God I hope so. I am a special education teacher and I have a student in my class with a severe gene deficency because of shenanigans like this. It might show a bit of class and culture if they desist from this nonsense. ... (read in full...)
Why do men seek attention from other women?
Q. Hi there, I recently read some of your response and would like to ask you the following. I have a wonderful man. Treats me with respect, love, loving words, very complimentary, we wake in the morning and he holds me and tells me I'm beautifu...
A. 7 October 2007: You mentioned it in your post. He needs validation. Men or women who seek others outside the primary relationship are often looking for validation. The fact that he is doing this when you are with him is a tad disrespectful...don't you think? Has ... (read in full...)
Girls at work are dissing me.
Q. I have a work-related question. I am currently employed at a company where all they do is gossip and care what other people is doing. I am happily married with a 5 yr old son. I am a kind of person that doesn't like to hang around people ...
A. 7 October 2007: Hun
You are not alone. In reading the other posts there is good practical advice here because many of us have been in your shoes. I am thinking that this will run its course. Some women can be hard on each other at times. A shame really as we sh... (read in full...)
I've been attacked by my partner. Please help me.
Q. I'm not sure that I can cope any more. I was attacked 3 weeks ago by my partner and substained some serious injuries. I had six stitches to my eye and lost my front tooth which I've had to have replaced by a false one. I thought that it was goin...
A. 6 October 2007: This is one of the more serious problems I have seen on this site. I read your post a couple of times. There is no evidence of your age here or the country you are from. Three things jumped out at me as I read your post. You need validation and ... (read in full...)
Why does being good looking make you so miserable?
Q. this is going to sound unbelievably arrogant but i assure you this is a genuine problem i have and i am genuinely asking for advice because it is really hard and upsetting me. i think i am too good looking. i know i am attractive, and guys ask for ...
A. 29 September 2007: I agree that extreme attractiveness can be an issue for people as much as the other extreme. This is a fast paced society these days and first impressions matter. Shallow as it may sound and although no one wants to own up to it...outer appearances ... (read in full...)
She said she can't continue the affair though but values my friendship, I can't seem to let her go though!
Q. I love her but she's married...After close to a year she's told me that she can't continue and she can't give me what I want but she values my friendship more than anything. I dunno why but I can't seem to let her go. What do I do? Am I wrong for ...
A. 29 September 2007: Statistics bear out the cold reality of this situation. Most people seek a significant other who will first and foremost be there and available for them. Common sense would dictate that a married person...no matter how well intentioned cannot do ... (read in full...)
I think I am depressed
Q. I think I am depressed.. I get upset over the littlest things, always crying about anything n everything... when I get upset I either eat loads(and I have gained loads weight) or eat nothing (terrible stretch marks from putting weight on n off)...
A. 29 September 2007: Hi hun. There is solid advice in the other posts here.Think about it and heed it. There is a saying that depression is called the common cold of mental illness. It has touched most of us at one time or another. Life has its ups and downs and at your ... (read in full...)
I cry b/c I know I can't have him; if love is so great, then why do I feel pain and suffering?
Q. I know this might seem strange, but I think I'm in love, even though I'm 15. The guy that I love just turned 18. I like him for who he is, not because he's Mr. Whatever. I would take care of him; I would do whatever I could to help him. Every night, ...
A. 28 September 2007: Hi hun I think that you may feel deeply because you are the age you are. You are probably new to these feelings and they are deep and real to you. I do not doubt that your feelings are real. Do you spend much time around this guy?Does he go t... (read in full...)
My mother was a good person, and I miss her...
Q. i need help. im 16 and my mother died 2 yrz ago of cancer of the colon. she didnt smoke, drink or take drugs she didnt deserve 2 die. its soo hard and i cry nearly every day. i have no one to talk to and i feel like nobody else cares. how do i stop ...
A. 28 September 2007: Hi sweetie To lose a mother you loved is hard for all of us but to lose your mom when you are fourteen is a cruel blow. I read your post a few times and it seems that you are angry at the unfairness of this. Your mom lead a clean life and you won... (read in full...)
I am kind of seeing my married, older boss and want to take it further, sexually
Q. My boss at work flirts with me a lot and I know he likes me and I like him. But hes married with a kid. He is not married to the mother of his daughter tho, but he is married. We have made out and fooled around a little. I know that if we went any ...
A. 28 September 2007: I read some of the responses here. I am not going to judge anyone because I almost started an affair with a married man too. I do think though that the statistics speak for themselves. For everyone one of these situations that works and yes..some do ... (read in full...)
Is it better to have lost in love than to never have loved at all?
Q. Is it really better to have lost in love than to never have loved at all? If so, why does it hurt so bad....
A. 28 September 2007: Well...I would have to agree with the other posters here. Loving someone makes life sweeter. Losing at love brings its own painful lessons but it is part of life. Why else are there the songs and the poems that relate that pain. It sounds as if you ... (read in full...)
I have never dated and never been kissed by any other guy but this one, don't know the rules or the signals and it has been 12 years since my ex.
Q. Hi, can I get some advice please? I am 45 year old mother of 6 kids, no small ones any more. Bad marriage, only boyfriend was my ex ever. Fell for a guy three and 1/2 years ago who is 17 years younger, so I never did anything - just am too old for ...
A. 10 September 2007: Hi hun.
First off give yourself a break. I think dating is tough especially after you were with one person for so long and you have been on your own for a bit too. You say you have six children and that was probably your focus.You may have mor... (read in full...)
I cant seem to stop flirting with guys when I've been drinking. I'm scared I will do something silly when my guy isnt out with me. I think I just crave the attention?
Q. I cant seem to help myself from flirting with other guys when im out, even if my boyfriend is right beside me! its only when i have drink on me but im afraid to go out on my own incase i do something ill regret. like last weeknd, i almost got with ...
A. 9 September 2007: I note your age and drinking and the club scene should be fun. Alcohol loosens the inhibitions of all of us but it also can fuel behavior which causes heartache down the road. Two things stand out right now. Perhaps you should not have a boyfriend ... (read in full...)
Does my married boyfriend still love me?
Q. My married boyfriend is scared to death of his wife. I bought him a cell phone and now I havent heard from him in three weeks but he is listening to all my messages is there any hope he loves me still?? His wife and him have not been happy for six ...
A. 5 September 2007: Some really solid advice from other posters here. Pay paticular attention to the person who 'got' the married man she had the affair with and had nothing but grief. The grass is NOT always greener hun. He may have used you. He may have had feelings ... (read in full...)
My husband had an affair. We are sorting it out but the other woman is fighting for him!
Q. By accident I found out my husband was having an affair. We are trying to work out our marriage because I won't let him go. I'm making it hard for him to go. We have 4 little children under 9. He's been honest with me about his feelings for her. At ...
A. 3 September 2007: This is the enternal triangle and you are living it. Your husband may be feeling unhappy and dissatisfied and it may just be his take on life right now but sadly that affects you and your children. Have you met this other women? If your husband has ... (read in full...)
How can I attract a 'good' man, who's looking for a relationship and not just sex?
Q. Hi, I am 26 years old and my last and only relationship ended when I was 19 years old. I have hardly dated much since then. I think I am an attractive woman as I get alot of male attention, and asked out on alot of dates. But, it seems like I ...
A. 1 September 2007: Hello my dear.
You are not alone. There are millions of great people like yourself who are looking. Where to look is a good question...the internet is full of suggestions. A lot of times when you are out there living your life and doing somethin... (read in full...)
Is it true the longer you wait to have sex the harder it gets ??
Q. Hey I am 16 and I am still a virgin I feel worried that I will never find anyone to have sex with because all my friends have boyfriends and are having sex and saying how good it is. I am afraid that the longer I wait the harder it will get. Is it ...
A. 1 September 2007: Hi hun
Hold on here my dear. Something does not seem right here. Be sure that you have a lot of hankies on hand so when your friends have had their hearts broken you will be there for them. You are so young still. Obviously your peer group th... (read in full...)
I have been having sex with a married man. He says he loves me and his family. Could he just be after sex?
Q. i have a colleague at work who is married with a 3 year old kid..i was new and got atrracted to him, i was the only one single in the office and many guys wants to court me, but i fell inlove with this married man and we see each other secretly,we ...
A. 31 August 2007: Hi hun.
I think the other posters here are being honest with you. Judging from your age and the undignified and unprofessional behaviour of this colleague...in this case sex is the motivator..yes. You need to wake up. You say that other guys in ... (read in full...)
How do you get someone to accept a relationship is over and deal with depression?
Q. How do you get someone to realize a relationship is over and start taking healthy steps to put their life back together. My ex is still severely depressed. He won't go out and socialize, meet new people or do anything to create a support system ...
A. 29 August 2007: Hi hun
You are obviously a caring ex as you are keeping an eye out for this man. There are many posts on this site by people who feel ignored and abandoned by their exes so this guy is not dealing with that...but...could it be he has not moved on... (read in full...)
Shouldn't we just 'get over it' if we break up with someone? Anyone believe this?
Q. Hi there..i know this is a pretty random question..but id like to know.... Who belives that when you break up with someone .. or when someone tells you the truth and its not what you wanted to hear .. that theres no real point sulking and feel...
A. 29 August 2007: Your post is well written for someone your age. Reading between the lines I think you are feeling some pain right now and you are feeling more alone because that pain is not disappearing. No doubt people have told you to get over it and it is not ... (read in full...)
I met a guy at the weekend, we got on well, now I've heard nothing!??
Q. Hi, I met a guy at the weekend in the local disco, I got chatting to him and we ended up kissing. We danced and kissed all night in the disco and swapped numbers at the end of the night. He text when he got home to let me know he was home and ask...
A. 28 August 2007: Hi hun.I hate to say that it might just be 'one of those things'. The atmosphere in a bar or disco is sex charged, alcohol is rampant and you are in your twenties so I am not going to make judgements on you here. I would not make a judgement on you ... (read in full...)
She says she feels like crying a lot of the time, but also that there isn't a particular reason. I want to help her.
Q. Girls and emotions, very hard to understand sometimes! Well my gf seems to get really emotional for no reason. I know when it happening because she seems to go really quiet and as if shes thinking about something, when i ask whats wrong she says she ...
A. 27 August 2007: Hi hun
You mention that she is a teacher and judging by the age you mention she is probably a new teacher. I am a teacher and this time of the year can be stressful as she has to face new students and different sets of demands and expectat... (read in full...)
His abuse is getting worse, he's tried to strangle me 5 times!!!
Q. I've been with my husband for 3 years and I don't know what to do. I have a six year old boy who adores him and a one year old baby girl. The problem is he has become physically abusive. He has tried to strangle me five times but generally just ...
A. 24 August 2007: Hi hun
The other posters have said it well. Something has to change here. Consider this...you have been with this man for three years and nothing has changed in that time. You are living with an alcoholic and in order to cope with the stress y... (read in full...)
Will eating only 2 apples a day make me lose weight quickly?6
Q. Hey.. ok well i'm planning to lose weight..So i'm going to eat two apples a day and that's it..iv done this now for 1 day..and I no that i'm going keep on doing it..how long will it take like before the weight all drops off?? i'm 9 stone and I hate ...
A. 20 August 2007: Hi hun
DO NOT DO THIS!! Really read some of the other posts here. There is a lot of good sense in them. I am not certain how the British weigh system works but everyone here is telling you that you are at a good weight for your height..... (read in full...)
Everyone thinks i'm ugly.
Q. This has been making me feel depressed for a long time. EVERYWHERE I go i hear people call me ugly even at school too. I hear it almost everyday. No one even notices me or even look at me. My sister, and parents think i'm not that pretty either. ...
A. 19 August 2007: Hi hun.
I read your post a couple of times and what struck me was how hard you are on yourself. I agree with some of the other posts that somewhere....someone has really put you down and it is like those words have stayed in your heart and head... (read in full...)
My husband has had an affair with a girl nearly half my age... how can I trust him again?
Q. My husband has had an affair with a girl nearly half my age. He says it's over and it was just because it boosted his self esteem to have wild sex with a uninhibited teen and he only wanted her for one thing. I never met her but she has been with my ...
A. 19 August 2007: The other posters make good points here. It comes down to trust and your trust has been deeply violated. Add pain you feel at the betrayal and the resultant loss of self esteem and you have a difficult situation here. You are not alone. This ... (read in full...)
I have had a few women at my work place been interested in me, but I have no interest in dating them because I am still comparing them with my ex.
Q. Why do I still at times feel down and depressed? My partner left after 16 years to date someone else. It's been a good 9 months now and she has not made any contact at all. I have been trying to do all the right things. Kept busy, reading, going ...
A. 22 July 2007: Sixteen years is no flash in the pan....it is a long time and what you are feeling is more than justified after a relationship of this duration. People say to 'move on' after a relationship ends but that can be so tough to do when everything that ... (read in full...)
My married lover of 18 years doesn't want me anymore but I can't let go
Q. Hi I have been seeing a married man for 18 years. I love him and he said he loves me. Then one day he said he does not want the affair anymore. I am in shock and broken hearted. I can't seem to let go. Please help me. ...
A. 21 July 2007: Hi there.
This another sad ending to a story which is all too common these days. I am not going to make a moral judgement here...many decent people have slid into the trap that you did and sadly most of them had the same outcome of what you are ... (read in full...)
I have a violent bf who treats me like dirt behind closed doors! Any advice?
Q. I'm in a three-year relationship with a guy five years my senior. He's great in public, always kind to me, my family and friends plus very affectionate but behind closed doors it's like he's had a personality change. He treats me like dirt, forcing ...
A. 20 July 2007: Hi hun.
Excellent advice from the other three posts and I will just add mine two cents worth and say LEAVE...now. There is no other option. It is the only option based on the info in your post. Your heart and head seem to be all over the map righ... (read in full...)
I have just found out that my husband has been using chat rooms and talking really dirty...
Q. I have been married for 21 years, but I have just found out that my husband has been using chat rooms and talking really dirty, I think this is called cybersex, I feel like he is being unfaithful and I dont know what to do about it, he doesn't know ...
A. 20 July 2007: Hi there.
I can only imagine your hurt at discovering this. When you spent twenty years with someone you tend to think you have built a sense of trust. Communication is what you need now. I do not agree with other posts here that it is your job... (read in full...)
He is texting other girls and complimenting them. I dont THINK I have anything to worry about, but why is he doing this?
Q. Ive got 2 questions Ive been with my boyfriend 2 1/2 years who works in a hospital,where there are lots of female workers.He says he wants to make new friends, I know he chats to these women at work,which is harmless,because I know he loves me.Howev...
A. 19 July 2007: Well I will add my two cents worth...many many replies on this one. To my mind this does not look good...full stop. I think it is one thing when a man and woman are friends and both are single at the time. A whole other realm is entered when one of ... (read in full...)
My mood seems related to my sexual activity, is this normal?
Q. When I have some form of sexual experience with my partner I feel really really happy for a day or so, but after that I start to want sex again and my mood starts to drop, and I don't feel really happy again until we have sex again. Is this normal? ...
A. 19 July 2007: Sounds to me like the sex represents some sort of reasurance that your partner desires you and wants you. Also sexual activity releases endorphins which put most people in a good state of mind. You can get the same feeling...the endorphin rush when ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is verbally abusive when he is drunk
Q. This might sound like quite a minor problem but it really gets me down - my bf is lovely n kind etc and ive bin with him for over a year. but when he gets drunk he completely changes and is really nasty to me. he calls me a slut/whore etc and just ...
A. 17 July 2007: Hi hun
This does not sound like a minor problem as you put it. I read your question three times and was struck how many times you defended this behavior by saying things like...usually he is so nice. It is this type of thinking that is keeping ... (read in full...)
Guys don't like me b/c of my hair color, so how do I get the boy I'm after?
Q. None of the boys on my year seem to like me because I have ginger hair. I also really like this one boy. How do I get the boy I'm after?? Please help...
A. 17 July 2007: Hi hun
DO NOT CHANGE YOUR HAIR!! I am a redhead. There are plenty of blondes and brunettes but only so many of us redheads. Trust me sweetie...if a guy really likes you or does not like you it will not be because of your hair. Have you talked t... (read in full...)
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