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My girl has been with someone else for 4 years, even though she says she loves me best!

Q.   I am in love with a girl, who is in a relationship with another guy. Our relationship started in a strange way a year back. We were very good friends and then we realized that we have other feelings towards each other... After that, we have ha...

A.   8 July 2005: This girl does not love you best, if she did, she wouldnt be able to keep up with the pretence of a serious relationship with this other man. It doesnt sound like your girlfriend knows what she wants and I think it would be best for you to give her... (read in full...)

I'm afraid that asking for help about my possessive partner might have been a mistake...

Q.   I am in a relationship with a man who is very possessive and obsesssive over everything. This behavior is affecting my life, my mental stability, and my ability to be a good parent. I just e-mailed my ex to ask for help. If my boyfriend found th...

A.   8 July 2005: I dont think your ex was the best choice to tell about problems in your new relationship and I think your boyfriend would be very cross if he found out youd told him. however, your boyfriend sounds like a very nasty man and if you had no-one e... (read in full...)

My ex is free again, after his breakup, but he only wants to be "friends"...

Q.   Me and my ex have become friends. He just broke up with his year long girlfriend we talk every day but he still just wants to be my friend. but I'm still in love with him. What should I do?...

A.   8 July 2005: If you feel that being friends wouldnt be enough for you, you have to tell him and break off your relationship with him for good. Remain friends with him if you feel that you can do this. ... (read in full...)

He knows I don't want to marry him, but he's already bought our tickets back to his country!

Q.   I am female 27 yrs old and English, I have been in a relationship with an Albanian Guy for nearly four years. He has been back home to his country and came back to see me Feb this year. Now he wants to get married and I don't. I told him I would ...

A.   8 July 2005: Right, you have to tell him firmly that its OVER and you WONT be marrying him. If he gets cross, ignore him. Dont let him tug your heart strings or make you feel guilty. This man sounds very controlling and I think you are wise to end the relat... (read in full...)

My sister's boyfriend asked me out. I told her, but she just thinks I'm jealous of her!

Q.   My sister has a boyfriend and everyone (including me) thinks they are the best couple. They’ve never had an argument, not once. But yesterday, her crush told me that he’s tired of his girlfriend and asked me to go out with him. Of course, I’ll nev...

A.   8 July 2005: Im sorry your sister didnt believe you. If this man is going to be unfaithful to her, she will just have to find out in her own time. be there for her when this happens and dont say 'i told you so'.... (read in full...)

My friend and I have known each other for 20 years and I don't understand her juvenile jealousy...

Q.   I have a girlfriend with whom I have been friends for 20 years now. She and I were both stay at home Moms when our children were small. Our children played together, we both volunteered, we both confided our problems to each other. Generally, it ...

A.   8 July 2005: Im glad youve got your life back on track after your marrige break up. It sounds to me like this woman is very insecure and jealous, perhaps of your ability to 'get on with life' better than she has been able to. Talk to her, tell her what a good ... (read in full...)

I'm getting the cold shoulder from my fiance ever since we had that threesome...

Q.   Hi. I had a threesome with my fiance and his friend. He stayed with me and now he's giving me the cold shoulder big time. I love him to death and I don't want our relationship to end but I have no clue how to say I am sorry or how to make it up to ...

A.   8 July 2005: he obviously consented to the threesome? You have to be straight with him, tell him if youd realised he would be so upset you would never have done it but you thought he was OK about it at the time. Assure him it will never happen again and that y... (read in full...)

Somehow, it seems like my feelings over his cheating behaviour is my fault!

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years and at the weekend he did something with another girl. I mean to give credit he didnt try to hide it from me at all which I do appreciate but does that make it OK to have done what he did? When I...

A.   8 July 2005: What he did is not OK. He told you and hes now crying down the phone because he feels guilty and is looking for forgiveness from you. If he can behave like this after being with you 2 years he doesnt deserve to be in a relationship and if you think... (read in full...)

My boyfriend drools over porn photos, then needs Viagra to get an erection... Is it me?

Q.   I need some input into this question. My boyfriend has erection problems and he uses viagara. Now I know men lose their erections for a variety of reasons. But he's a very healthy man so I am wondering if his problems are psychological even going so ...

A.   8 July 2005: Fair enough, I dont see anything wrong with him looking at porn but to discuss the bodies of the models with you is out of order! From what you say, he spends too much time looking at porn and not enough time putting an effort into your relation... (read in full...)

We want to get engaged, but I need to know more about "engagement"...

Q.   I have been thinking very much about the question I'm about to do,before I ask I would like to give a little of more info, I'm dating a girl which is amazing, she really treats me so perfectly that I'm defintely very much in love with her. She tells ...

A.   8 July 2005: I wouldnt advise getting engaged at the moment. Engagement is a promise to marry someone, id wait till you know this girl better before youy ask her to get engaged. Its still a bit soon in your relationship.... (read in full...)

My dreams are full of an old boyfriend and I feel guilty about it...

Q.   I am feeling incredibly guilty because I have been dreaming of an ex-boyfriend for about a month. Let's just say the dreams are not all platonic and it has caused me to begin thinking about him in 'real' life. I am married for less than a year...

A.   8 July 2005: You cant help your dreams, its strange sometimes the things the mind coughs up when we're sleeeping! I dont believe your dreams are a rebellion against marriage. You say that you and your ex werent the best of couples so im sure you dont want hi... (read in full...)

We're long-distance and I'm trying to understand why she won't talk about sex any more!

Q.   I am deeply in love with a younger woman, and we're trying our best at a long distance thing. We were sort of friends and then one day things got a bit intimate( ph sex) so I took it to mean she wanted more which I did too. So upon discussi...

A.   7 July 2005: Maybe all she ever wanted was to have a long distance fling and some phone sex and never expected it to turn into anything more? She may feel scared at the thought of meeting you after revealing so much about herself. talk to her and offer reassu... (read in full...)

I want to be a part of his life, but he scolded me for calling him...

Q.   I love a guy who is 1 year older than me for 5 years. We were students at that time. Now I am still studying and he is working. Recently he faced a very big financial problem. He does not want to communicate with me. He said no meeting or love til...

A.   7 July 2005: You have to leave him until he sorts his mind out. Dont hang around waiting on him though, go out and get on with your life!... (read in full...)

My ex-girlfriend and I share the same friends, and things are awkward...

Q.   I've recently broke up with my ex-girlfriend of three years. But she's still always around being we have the same mutual friends. We're trying to stay friends, but it's hard considering the situation. How can I avoid the awkwardness without ...

A.   7 July 2005: try to meet up with your friends at different times. Spend more time with your other friends than her.... (read in full...)

I'm so insecure and afraid that I'm going to ruin this great relationship!

Q.   I'm 19 years old and me and my partner have been together 18 months. At first we were all over each other and spent all our time together. On the occasions when we did go out separately we both received attention from the opposite sex but I didn't ...

A.   7 July 2005: His ex's behaviour has probably triggered the way you are feeling now. tell him how you feel, chances are he will put your mind at ease, then you have to try and believe that you can trust him and forget about it. Good luck... (read in full...)

Can I trust him not to betray me again by masturbating to porn?

Q.   I recently found out that my boyfriend looked at porn and masturbated. He said he wanted to stop for me because every time he did it he felt like he was betraying me. This has me so worried because if he felt like he was betraying me and couldnt ...

A.   7 July 2005: Your boyfriend feels guilty for no reason, masturbation is a normal thing for anyone to do, even when in a satisfying relationship. Talk your fears over with him and im sure a lot of your worries will be put to rest. ... (read in full...)

Can I show my boyfriend that I'm worthy of his trust again?

Q.   I'm gay and my boyfriend has lost a great deal of trust in me because I have been less than truthful about having porn and other similar things in my house. He also feels that I am hiding things from him and has thoroughly gone through my computer...

A.   7 July 2005: Were you just looking at pornographic pictures or was there more to it than that? If it was more than just looking your boyfriend has a right to be cross. Talk to him about it again, tell him how sorry you are, tell him from now on you will not keep... (read in full...)

Our mismatched sex drives are making me wonder, "Are we normal"?

Q.   Making this short, I've been with my girlfriend for 3+ years and living with her for 2+ years. We are both early 20s. I have a very high sex drive and she has a pretty low one. She will get 'sore' after 15 minutes or so, or she definately will if ...

A.   7 July 2005: What you want sounds normal enough to me. If your girlfriend is getting sore, there may be an underlying reason, eg; vaginal dryness. This can be quite common and helped by the use of a lubricant. If the problem continues she should see her doctor. ... (read in full...)

Little things he does seem to be adding up to "it's over between us". Am I right?

Q.   I am in a relationship and have been for over two years. He has a daughter and I have 5 of my own children. He has a slip disc in his back. For the last 6 months things have not been going well between us....we hardly talk or laugh or have sex. ...

A.   7 July 2005: Tell him how you feel, tell him how much you miss the closeness of your relationship. ask him if he thinks you have a problem in your relationship. Talking should sort this out.... (read in full...)

I'm ready to move our relationship to marriage, but I'm not sure whether my boyfriend is...

Q.   I've been with my bf for almost 6 years and love him very much. He's 25 and I'm 24. We still don't live together but I see him every day. He says he wants to be with me but right now I'm starting to think we are never going to move out together or ...

A.   7 July 2005: Dont give him an ultimatum, tell him how you feel, tell him you want to move in together and start planning for a future together, you dont have to rush into anything. The only way to find out what hes thinking is to ask him!... (read in full...)

For 3 months he was the most considerate guy ever. Then he just disappeared and won't return my calls!

Q.   For three blissful months I have been really happy with my new boyfriend. He seemed to be absolutely perfect- he texts me several times a day, rang me often, gave me lifts to and from work. We saw each other most days and he was always saying he ...

A.   7 July 2005: Glad your problem was sorted out, Ive had boyfriends like this before, god knows why they do it but youve had a lucky escape. Good luck in the future!!! xx... (read in full...)

I want my first sex with my girlfriend to be great for both of us...

Q.   My girlfriend and I are both virgins and I love her more than anything! We've been seeing each other for about 4months now and she has told me that she wants me to be her first time. The thing is I want to make sure she is comfortable and feels safe ...

A.   7 July 2005: Take her feelings into account, ask what she wants and take things slowly.... (read in full...)

Not sure now how I feel about my boyfriend and I miss that perfect feeling that we're right together!

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 months now and I love him to pieces, but I went out for a night out with him and one of my best mates who is a lad, and now I am confused on how I am feeling towards my boyfriend...! When I am near my ...

A.   7 July 2005: Maybe its lost the 'right' feeling because hes not right for you anymore. Move on.... (read in full...)

What can I do about my issues with friendships and relationships?

Q.   I have some serious issues with relationships. I manage to win friends but can't hold on to them, meaning I either get scared by their possessiveness or too much intimacy as things start getting taken for granted. I sometimes feel I myself allowpeo...

A.   6 July 2005: You sound clingy yet afraid of commitment. Could there be a reason for this in your past? Learn to say 'no' when people try to take advantage of you, itll be hard at first but it will get easier. Limit time with friends to a few times a week and t... (read in full...)

In 7 months, he's never taken me out or called on a weekend. Is he already in a relationship?

Q.   HI, I'm 24 and have been going out with my boyfriend that is 17 yrs older than myself for 7 months. The thing is in all this time he has never taken me out or called after work or indeed on a weekend. I have asked him many times if he is married ...

A.   6 July 2005: 7 months is a long time to be seeing someone and have never been taken out for a weekend! this mans behaviour sounds suspicious and I would question him further. How much do you really know about him? Talk to him and tell him you wish to see more... (read in full...)

My longtime boyfriend is so busy that I felt lonely... and found someone else!

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years. We share our time together. I love him very much. But now he is very busy. So I feel very lonely. One month ago I was found a really nice guy. He takes care of me and he always been there fo...

A.   6 July 2005: If you feel that your relationship with your current boyfriend is having problems, then you must talk to him about it with him as soon as possible. you have only known this other man a month so how do you know he is your soulmate? I think you ar... (read in full...)

The girl I like acts very silly around me, and I think it's because we're both afraid...

Q.   I think I like this girl. We act really silly around each other. She avoids having a one on one conversation with me. I think she is afraid because I do the same thing. I am afraid of being hurt. What must I do? Should I try to talk to her and avoi...

A.   6 July 2005: Talk to her, become friends with her and see where you go from there. Dont rush into anything.... (read in full...)

Only engaged for a month, but I feel I'm being taken for granted already!

Q.   Ever since we got engaged -1 month ago - my finacee seems to be taking me for granted by us having quickie sex (ie: no forplay or romance) and the flowers and hugs and kisses have all but stopped. What should I do?...

A.   6 July 2005: He obviously feels that now you are "his" he doesnt need to make an effort any more. Tell him how you feel and if things dont change, perhaps you should call off your engagement for a while?... (read in full...)

I want to talk to the girl I like and I don't know how to start...

Q.   I have some problem. Please give me some advice. I like some girl but I don't know how to talk with her. She studies in the same class with me but I don't know how to start a relationship with her. I hope I will get the great answer soon. Thanks for ...

A.   6 July 2005: Start by talking to her first before even thinking about a relationship, say hello when you see her, make casual chat with her (about TV, music etc) and see where you go from there.... (read in full...)

Girls know me as smart and academic, but I'm pretty much at a loss when asking them out!

Q.   During high school I was pretty much known as a pretty smart person that cared more about academics than being incredibly social. I suppose girls just assumed I wasn't interested in a relationship. I do believe that most high school relationships ...

A.   6 July 2005: try and get into more social situations where you will meet more girls. Try to get used to talking to them before taking the plunge and asking them out. Remember though, the worst they can say is no!... (read in full...)

He made a decision to end it between us, because I "do his head in"...

Q.   My boyfriend of 2 and a half years finished me on Saturday. He said he's sick of me, can't stand me and that I do his head in. He said that we'll be friends though n we'll see each other all the time, but now I see him more now we're 'mates' than ...

A.   6 July 2005: I think you did the best thing in telling him that you didnt want to remain friends, doesnt sound like he knows what he wants. Hes treating you rather unfairly.... (read in full...)

Even though we live together, we have no physical contact, and now I've fallen for someone at work...

Q.   I've been with my partner for 6 and a half years now. We live together and have a son together. We have had no physical contact for about 3 years now and I've recently started work and have fell for someone there. I can't get him out of my head. I ...

A.   6 July 2005: Accept that your relationship with your partner is dead. Talk to him and decide how to end things and then move on with your life.... (read in full...)

Could I be in love with two guys at the same time?

Q.   Is it possible to be in love with two people at once? I have a boyfriend of two years and I love him very much, he will do anything for me and have a great future with him. But I've always had feelings for another man (who is friends with my ...

A.   6 July 2005: How do you know he feels the same? has he told you? While you have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend your relationship should go no further.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend has a different idea about having sex... and he wants it that way all the time!

Q.   Hello pls pls I need some advice. My b/f of 9 yrs has a strange idea of how you make love to a WOMAN if you know what I'm trying to say, without being crude. It's happened all the way through our relationship and I cant stand it any more. I ...

A.   6 July 2005: I agree with Helen05, any sex without your consent is rape and degradation. Other men DONT do this. Get out of this abusive relationship now.... (read in full...)

How can I get my wife to initiate sex?

Q.   How can I get my wife to instigate sex for once, instead of me doing all the foreplay and the romantic stuff?...

A.   6 July 2005: Tell her you would like her to initiate sex more! this is the only way shes going to know what you want.... (read in full...)

One of my friends is selfish, and I don't want to be around her any more...

Q.   I'm 18 years old, studying in the famous university. My group has 6 people. We always stay together. One day , I found that one of my friends, Susy, is so selfish. I really don't like her. And when I asked the others, I discover that they also don't ...

A.   6 July 2005: Sit down as a group and tell suzy what you are feeling about her. there may be a good reason for her behaviour.... (read in full...)

She said that we're soulmates, but she couldn't be with me if I couldn't give her a baby...

Q.   Hi there, my gf has left me 3 weeks ago. It's a bit complicated, but basically she has mild depression and thinks very lowly of herself. I love her to bits. The problem being she wants a child and I can't give her one. I am 39 she is 33. She said...

A.   6 July 2005: You dont say why you couldnt give her a baby, if you are able to have, but dont want to have children, then you have to accept that you and your girlfriends goals in life are different and decide what to do about it. If you are medically unable t... (read in full...)

I think that JB and I were always meant to be...

Q.   i am a 31 year old Pisces who has never had a real relationship with a man. I have had 'boyfriends' but none of them even becomes close to being "the one". I met JB (currently a 33 year old Aquarius) when i was 16 and we became the best of friends. ...

A.   6 July 2005: JB is married, you should leave him alone unless he is prepared to leave his wife for you. ... (read in full...)

Not interested in sex with my cousin any more. It makes me sick, but how do I stop?

Q.   Hi, I have been living with my cousin's family for 3 years. She is older than me. I've been having sex with her for past 2 years. Although I kind of like her but don't know, it feels sick after every time we have sex. I know I want to get out of th...

A.   6 July 2005: tell her that you dont feel comfortable having sex with her. tell her it feels wrong and that you want to stop. You may have to leave the house if the atmosphere becomes uncomfortable.... (read in full...)

My neighbour borrows money and doesn't return it...

Q.   My neighbour always borrows my money and he never returns to me. If I say something bad to him, I will lose my neighbour's friendship. I have known him for about 4 years. He never borrows me since his wife died. I know that money is important to him ...

A.   6 July 2005: Firmly tell him no the next time he asks, if you feel awkward, say you have no money yourself and could be doing with the X amount of money he owes you and could you maybe have it back say within a week? If he refuses, he is not a true friend. ... (read in full...)

When is a good time to discuss the "having kids" issue?

Q.   I have started dating a guy about two months ago and we are quickly becoming coming very close. I have never met someone that I clkick with so well. We have more in common than any other person I have ever dated. We are both recovering alcoholics ...

A.   6 July 2005: Its a bit early in your relationship to discuss having kids together at the moment. You mentioned that you are both recovering alcoholics, he probably wants to feel 100% back on track before he even starts to think about kids. Leave it a while an... (read in full...)

For 3 months he was the most considerate guy ever. Then he just disappeared and won't return my calls!

Q.   For three blissful months I have been really happy with my new boyfriend. He seemed to be absolutely perfect- he texts me several times a day, rang me often, gave me lifts to and from work. We saw each other most days and he was always saying he ...

A.   3 July 2005: Glad things have worked out well, he sounds like a nice guy, maybe just a bit thoughtless. Stick in there!... (read in full...)

For 3 months he was the most considerate guy ever. Then he just disappeared and won't return my calls!

Q.   For three blissful months I have been really happy with my new boyfriend. He seemed to be absolutely perfect- he texts me several times a day, rang me often, gave me lifts to and from work. We saw each other most days and he was always saying he ...

A.   30 June 2005: Was he really in hospital supporting a family member? Or was this just an excuse to break your date? Sounds to me like this man doesnt want a relationship and hes not got the guts to tell you, so he's hoping you'll just 'disappear'. Forget about him ... (read in full...)

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