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After she told me that we have sex "wrong", I was at a total loss...

Q.   I have been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now. Recently though, she has told me that I have sex wrong. Maybe not "wrong" but that it's just sex to me. I love the girl to death. To be honest, I feel I love her more than she me, but this is ...

A.   19 July 2005: im not quite sure how you could have sex "wrong". ask her what she means by this.... (read in full...)

I resisted him until I was sure...then he seems to have just stopped trying.

Q.   I met a man about my age and we hit it off wonderfully. He lived about 2 hours away from me but we managed to get together for fun dates. He was handsome, polite, funny, charming and he treated me with utmost respect and he seemed genuine. We had s ...

A.   19 July 2005: One of the great myseries of the world, why do men do that? My personal opinion is that its kind of like a child. Being good until you get what you want, then you want something else and go all crabby again. Men like this are not worth wasting ... (read in full...)

Why would my boyfriend ignore my request that he not go with his friends to a strip club?

Q.   Hi, I am 19 years old and a freshman in college. I am living at home this summer and my boyfriend is also living at his home. He informed me the other day that he and a bunch of pals (some I personally deem as immature) are going to take a trip to ...

A.   19 July 2005: It wasnt very fair of you to say that he couldnt go. He and his friends are probably just out to have a laugh and visiting strip clubs is a thing that a lot of young men do on nights out. especially on holiday. I personally, wouldnt mind my boyf... (read in full...)

I accidentally found something he wrote about his ex. Now I feel bad for mentioning it...

Q.   I always assumed my boyfriend had a thing for his ex. He denied it but I couldn't shake the insecure feelings. He's o/seas for 3 weeks currently. I've recently moved into his flat and I accidentally came across something he'd written about finding ...

A.   19 July 2005: Sounds like the only reason he is annoyed is that hes been caught out. Maybe you shouldnt have snooped but he shouldnt be writing love letters about his ex when hes in a relationship with you! He should be making things better, not you. Make it clea... (read in full...)

I thought we were more than friends, but he confessed he wants to date a girl in my class...

Q.   I fell in love a guy who have been my friend for 5 years. He is handsome, smart and kind to me. We are close and we are talking and laughing every day. I used to think we are more than close friends but one day he told me that he loves my friend w...

A.   19 July 2005: Did he give you any reason to believe you were more than just close friends (IE, physical contact, kissing etc)? He is obviously not interested in you in that way or he would have made a move after 5 years. Im afraid, you will have to just keep this... (read in full...)

Our marriage ended because I slept with her friend. Now I wonder if I should warn my ex...

Q.   I have been with the same girl for 9 years. We recently got married and have been living together for over 7 years. To cut a long story I have ended up sleeping with her best friend and as a result I have ended the relationship with my wife. At...

A.   19 July 2005: What a dilemma! you are right to worry about any future men that your ex may see, but on the oither hand, your ex's friend never MADE you sleep with her and if you had been 100% commited to your wife, you wouldnt have done so, but im sure you know... (read in full...)

What about casual sex?

Q.   Does anyone believe in casual sex or should it only happen with someone you love and care about? Is sex an expression of love? Or can it just be fun?...

A.   19 July 2005: I suppose it can just be for fun but its much more fun with someone you love and care about.... (read in full...)

We broke up and now he's back...sometimes. I just don't know what it means!

Q.   The short version I'm confused and need some advice. I'd been wiv my bloke for 9 years, known him for 22 He's 44, I'm 40 (we didn't live together). He lost his workshop (he has another job also that he doesn't like) and changed towards me getti...

A.   19 July 2005: " I dont want to be your boyfriend" means just that for starters. I dont think its healthy for you to remain friends with him if you still have feelings toward him as he has made it obvious you can never be more than friends. I think you would be... (read in full...)

We're divorcing, so I don't understand why my wife would call and chat with me...

Q.   Hi My wife and I going through a divorce. In the onset of our seperation I did not give her the space she asked for. Instead I tried to hard to fix it by asking her to communicate the problem and correct our issues. I told her I would change a...

A.   19 July 2005: Firstly, i dont think your wife wants to get back together. Her phone calls may be for two reasons, the first is that perhaps she is trying to let you know that she is getting on in life and building a new life without you. I dont think she mean... (read in full...)

I could say "I love you" in other relationships, but I can't say it in this good one!

Q.   I have been with this woman for 3 years now and am still not sure about my feelings for her. We are very close, both divorced with two children. We took a family vacation together to Paris, have spent weekends away, and see each other all the ...

A.   19 July 2005: You say that you do love her, are you sure? Are you scared of telling her you love her and then her letting you down like your wife did? If you really love your girlfriend, the words should come easy so I think you really have to question your... (read in full...)

I just want to lose my virginity, like all my friends have, but I'm still scared...

Q.   I am 17 years old and am still a virgin. I have told my friends I have had sex before when really I have not. I now really want to lose it as all my friends have. I guess I'm just too scared of the pain and the fact that I may bleed. Can you give me ...

A.   19 July 2005: You most likely wont feel any pain. It will just be wiute uncomfortable. Do not rush into anything though, just because all your friends have.... (read in full...)

Is there more than "friendship" going on with her boyfriend?

Q.   My friend has a problem with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend have a close friend and that girl fell in love with him. s My friend doesn't trust her boyfriend because she thinks the relationship between them is more than friends. Her boyfriend says that...

A.   19 July 2005: If I was your friend I would not be happy about this at all and demand that the calls and texts to his ex stop. Unfortunately, you cant tell your friend what to do, be there for her when she needs you.... (read in full...)

My younger brother has suddenly become aggressive!

Q.   What should I do when my brother is changing towards me? I'm eighteen years old. I have two brothers. My first brother is 14 years old and my second brother 12 years old. Two days ago, I quarrel with my first brother. The situation happen...

A.   19 July 2005: His behaviour is probably due to his age, but it is not acceptable. Tell him he must NEVER be physically violent with you again. If he is, tell your parents, hes not such a big man he wont still be scared of mummy and daddy!... (read in full...)

Unsure of how the man I'm dating really feels about me...

Q.   Well I am in a bit of hot water. I think I have feelings for someone but I am unsure how he really feels. He does have a partner but sometimes I feel as if he deserves better and he always has respect for me, but some of the actions he addresses me ...

A.   19 July 2005: So, he has a pertner but you feel he deserves better, by that I take it you mean you? Do you really think he deserves a partner at all if he is cheating on them? I think this man is using you and you wouyld be wise to stay away from him.... (read in full...)

Doing everything I can to keep depression in check, but I still think about and want my ex back!

Q.   Hello, story for you! My fiance broke up with me a few weeks back, and it hurts more than anything. Me and her were meant to be together forever, I know it. I've never felt love as immense as this! She keeps texting me saying she misses me ...

A.   19 July 2005: I think your ex-fiancee did the right thing in stopping contact with you while you get counselling.She probably feels that you need time to sort yourself out alone which I would agree with. Your depression must be pretty bad for her to have left... (read in full...)

Back after 3 years, my ex is giving me some odd texts...

Q.   I have a boyfriend of just over a year. We get on really well and he treats me perfectly. My mother is dying of cancer and he is a rock for me. I was involved with someone who is 7 years older than me who I was deeply in love with and he said he...

A.   19 July 2005: Tell him to stop texting you and if he doesnt, change your number. Think of your boyfriend in all of this rather than yourself. How would you feel if he was texting an ex??? You have to break off your relationship with your ex for good!... (read in full...)

My new guy used to chat online for an easy lay

Q.   I have been seeing this guy for a while and he has never done anything to hurt me. I have found out that before he met me he was chatting with many girls online just to get "laid". He says that he was a different person, but he would not do this ...

A.   18 July 2005: If hes genuinely changed, he will remove the numbers and email addresses from his computer. I think that this is the least he could do and if he wont do even that for you then you should not trust him.... (read in full...)

Checking time on boyfriend's phone lead me to find his cheating texts

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years,and i really love him and thought he loved me,until when we were away the other week.I was very ill, and he had left me to recover in our hotel room.The room didnt have a clock and we were using his ...

A.   18 July 2005: OK, maybe you shouldnt have looked at his phone, but what he has been doing is FAR worse, HE is the one in the wrong, NOT you! Confront him and demand an explaination, if he cant provide one that you can accept, dump him.... (read in full...)

It hit me what a crappy boyfriend I've been... How do I prove I won't hurt her again?

Q.   Hi, I went out with (we'll call her marie) for about a year, but the last three months I started to get more distant to the point where I just wanted out. I would begin to go off on weekend breaks with mates and expect her to put up with it. Then...

A.   18 July 2005: normally, i would say you dont deserve a second chance but you really seem to have realised your mistake. ask for another chance, if she says no, respect her wishes and leave her alone. If she gives you another chance, it will take time for her ... (read in full...)

He was doing the chasing, now he's finding excuses...

Q.   Hi, I met this man in a club. We got on really well and he asked me out on a date.We went out, had a good time and he rang me later that nigh.t We talked for hours about nothing and I really liked him. He was saying how much he really liked me ...

A.   18 July 2005: Hes probably like that with everyone then, when he realises its going to get more serious he realises he cant handle it and stops phoning. Youre lucky to be rid of him, most men who carry on in this manner are fakes.... (read in full...)

Somehow, I have the feeling there is another man in her life...

Q.   Hello, my name is luke, and ive recently met a lady who has, quite frankly blown me away. We met in a club only a few weeks ago and seemed to hit it off very well. We've met up a few times since and iv'e grew to like her even more. She is at Unive...

A.   18 July 2005: 120 miles is a bit of a distance to be having a relationship from. Did you find evidence of her having another man or are you just assuming? I think perhaps you would be better to break off this relationship due to the distance and mistrust... (read in full...)

Says he's "not ready" to have a relationship & doesn't kiss me. Are we involved, or not?

Q.   ive been seeing a guy on/off for about 4 years now. we were instantly attracted the day we met 6 yrs ago at work and that day he asked me out but i said no. We have both been in relationships whilst being involved with each other, sometime...

A.   18 July 2005: Yes hes stringing you along. he wont kiss you because, then, that may make you think that youre involved with him when youre not.... (read in full...)

He doesn't work & he's in a relationship, but I think I love him anyway

Q.   Hi I am in love with a guy who is in a relationship. I am married myself, but we have been talking of breaking up. I have been married for 22 years now and he has been in a relationship for 3 years. They are living together, He has problems with an...

A.   18 July 2005: I dont think he wants to leave his current girlfriend because she supports him financially. If he did not have some feelings for her, he wouldnt still be staying with her. I think you would be wise to forget this man.... (read in full...)

With our opposite schedules... could she be looking for someone else?

Q.   I work the night shift 6 nights a week and she works on dayshift. She goes out to the bar secene every weekend, and i feel uncomfortable with this is she looking for someone else or just having fun?...

A.   18 July 2005: Probably just letting off steam at after a hard day at work. Unless youy have had particular reasons to worry about her going out (eg, not coming home etc) i wouldnt let this worry you. try to make at least one day a week you can spend together thou... (read in full...)

My husband is angry with me and/or the kids all the time...

Q.   My husband and I have been married for four and a half years. We have been together for eight and a half years. We have two kids. I stay at home while he works full time. My problem with my husband is he doesn't help very much with the kids. H...

A.   18 July 2005: I have had depression and i have also been brought up in a similar environment to yours with your husband. I seriously suggest, for the sake of your kids, that you at least take a break from living with your husband at the moment. Tell him that... (read in full...)

We're due to be married...so why does he avoid me?

Q.   Hi I am due to be married in 8 weeks time. We have been together for 7 years, but for the last two months he doesnt seem to want any physical contact with me. I work full time and he is unemployed! I know we have had so many arguments about ...

A.   18 July 2005: Could be a few things. he may be having second thoughts about getting married and is scared to say. He could just have pre-wedding nerves but still want to get married. Maybe he has things on his mind that you know nothing about and he doesnt w... (read in full...)

His daughter tells me everything. Do I have too much information?

Q.   I have a boyfriend I'm very much in love with, problem is his 17yr old daughter. She tells me everything...but some things her dad should be aware of... She lives with her mom and her mom don't care what she does and her dad is racist. Should I ...

A.   18 July 2005: Firstly, its good that she can talk to you. she probably feels that you are like a parent without being a 'real' parent if you know what i mean. If shes in real trouble, tell her to tell either her mum or dad, say that it makes you feel bad know... (read in full...)

I'm either repressed or clingy. Help, please!

Q.   I can't let go when someone makes me feel good. My emotions are repressed and when they are let free, My partner leaves. I am so alone. If I let someone in, I cling. I am really afriad of being hurt. Help. ...

A.   18 July 2005: Im the same I recieved therapy for my feelings and have a helpful tip. When you are scared something bad is going to happen, or someone is going to leave you, think of it and ask yourself "what would be so bad about that?" when you have an answ... (read in full...)

Is it worth trying again in our relationship?

Q.   How do i know if it is worth trying again with my relationship? I am in the process of splitting with my girlfriend of 6 years! In the begining we were amazingly intense and together, over the past year we are really having troubles, since ...

A.   18 July 2005: You need more than love to keep a relationship alive. Communication, trust, understanding and generally getting along well are vital. If you feel that any of these are lacking in your relationship, then, perhaps it is not working.... (read in full...)

He wants to come back... but I'm not quite sure I want him back!

Q.   My 4 year relationship ended before Christmas and my partner went off to see if the grass was greener. He's found that it isn't and now wants to come back. I'm moved on with my life and not sat waiting around but I guess I always knew he'd come bac...

A.   18 July 2005: If you think that you can put this episode behind you and you stil want to be with this man then i would give it another go. If you were happier when you were single and think that being in a relationship with him would make you unhappy then dont... (read in full...)

He told me he needed time to himself... It hurt. Should I continue to see him?

Q.   Hi there I ve been dating a guy for about 4 months now. Everything has been going really well. He has been able to say some nice things about the relationship. He is not my usual type, being unromantic, younger and macho, but i have really fallen f...

A.   18 July 2005: Give him a week then tell him he has to make up his mind, does he want to be with you or not, if he still does, then you will have to make it clear that this behaviour is not acceptble and if it happens again, you will end the realationship. ... (read in full...)

My family say "forget him", but I'm not sure...

Q.   Last year I joined an Internet Dating Agency. It has been nearly 10 years, but I decided to join. I met a nice man, divorced with 2 kids but he was divorced. He was quite keen on me and we went out a few time. He used to telephone me up to 3 hours ...

A.   18 July 2005: In a word, yes. Thios man doesnt sound like he wants a relationship. Get out and meet someone else.... (read in full...)

What can we do to keep our relationship going?

Q.   I have been going out with my girlfriend for three and a half years and six months ago we split for a while but got back together after a couple of months. Before the split we were always talking about being together forever but now my girlfriend is ...

A.   18 July 2005: You'll have to give your girlfriend a lot of reassurance. Pay her compliments and make her feel special. It sounds like she is very insecure. Hopefully, in time she will realise you are serious about the relationsdhip and she will be able to relax... (read in full...)

I'm shy and having trouble talking to my boyfriend...and my folks.

Q.   Me and a very good male friend were always going out to the pictures together and doing all kind of thing, but just as great mates. I went to New Zealand for a month and whilst I was over there he text me saying he wanted to be more than friends ...

A.   18 July 2005: Youll have t bite the bullet and introduce him to your family, or, at least tell them about him. they'll probably be pleased that you have found someone and are happy. Tell him that you are serious about him and ask if he feels the same. if he does... (read in full...)

It feels like he's comparing me to her...and I don't rate.

Q.   Dear Cupid The love of my life is slipping through my fingers. I ask myself the same questions over and over again - "Is it my fault? Am I not lovable? or even bearable in a relationship!?" Or perhaps we just werent meant to be...... The rea...

A.   18 July 2005: Maybe he doesnt want a realtionship with her. Anyway, how dare they whisper about you behind your back! The question you should be asking yourself is 'do i want to be with someone who is treating me so badly?' IU think you would be wise to tell your... (read in full...)

Now that I'm with someone else, he wants to make a go of it. How do I choose?

Q.   Dear Cupid, This problem began about 2 years ago. I had met a man from out of town and we got along great. We saw each other when we could until I could take it no more. I love him, but can't deal with the long distance thing. He also has 2 kids....

A.   18 July 2005: Youll have to decide who you want to be with and tell the other one that you dont want to see them again. Only you can decide who you want to be with...... (read in full...)

My ex has cleaned up his act, but do I try to work it out, or take a chance with the new guy?

Q.   I've been with a man on and off for 6 years and at one stage we got engaged. Unfortunately it was a rocky relationship due to his parallel relationship with alcohol, but since breaking up for the 'final' time in December 2004, shortly after moving ...

A.   18 July 2005: Only you can make the choice. If you genuinely believe your ex has changed and you still love him, then give him another chance, tell him, however that he will have to continue to prove he has changed before you will trust him fully again. If you ... (read in full...)

Everything about this man says he's my soulmate, but a tiny voice inside me is warning me he might leave again...

Q.   I love this man: As we were dating, he moved to another town where he met this other girl who fell pregnant with his child. He came back told me what happened and that he was going to marry her. I was devastated, but I picked up the pieces and carr...

A.   18 July 2005: This man doesnt sound like hes very reliable. I think you would be wise to go your seperate ways. If you wish to give him a second chance, do so but if he remains unreliable, i think it best to forget about him.... (read in full...)

My friend overheard that the guy she loves thinks she's "lovely", but she's too shy to approach him...

Q.   My friend is a nice girl. She tell me that she meet a handsome guy in the university. She love him at first sight but she is too shy to talk to him. She like to look at him but if he sees her she will pretend to do something else. ...

A.   18 July 2005: The only thing she can do is to ask this man out or wait for him to ask her out. He obviouisly likes her if he said she was lovely.... (read in full...)

He told me he's happy in our relationship, but he doesn't love me. What does he mean?

Q.   I have been in a relationship for six months. It started as a not serious thing as we both didn't want a relationship, but after a couple of months we both agreed that we wanted it to be a relationship as we started getting close and caring for one ...

A.   18 July 2005: Six months is not too soon to expect love. I would leave things as they are for a while or until things settle down with work etc and see how you are getting on then. If things are still the same, have another talk.... (read in full...)

The guy I want in friendly and polite to me, but I want to tell him that I love him...

Q.   How do I tell that I love him? I met a guy in the university.W e learn in the same class. He's very polite and friendly but he has many friends especially girls. I love him at first sight. I want to tell him that I love him but I afraid he will ang...

A.   18 July 2005: Ask him if he wants to go out for a drink. the worst he can say is no and at least then you will know where you stand and that you have tried.... (read in full...)

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