When is a good time to discuss the "having kids" issue?
Q. I have started dating a guy about two months ago and we are quickly becoming coming very close. I have never met someone that I clkick with so well. We have more in common than any other person I have ever dated. We are both recovering alcoholics ...
A. 6 July 2005: Its a bit early in your relationship to discuss having kids together at the moment. You mentioned that you are both recovering alcoholics, he probably wants to feel 100% back on track before he even starts to think about kids. Leave it a while an... (read in full...)
No longer attracted to my wife. Not sure about moving in with the other woman. Help!
Q. Very Confused. I have been married for 5 1/2 years and have also been seeing another woman whom I fell in love with. I have sex with her, but not with my wife. My wife is a wonderful caring person. She gained weight and I no longer find her ...
A. 6 July 2005: Forget this other woman and start paying more attention to your wife. Does your wife know about your 'other woman'? I suspect not. If you feel that you really arent compatible and cant make a go of things with your wife, then do the decent thing... (read in full...)
Time to break up with my married guy. Can we stay friends?
Q. I am in love with a married man. I have been seeing him for 3 years. It seem like I make all the effort. How can I tell him I can't do this anymore and still be friends?...
A. 6 July 2005: Tell him you cant see him anymore because hes married. Make a clean break and dont remain friends.... (read in full...)
My 28-year-old-husband left me for a 64-year-old woman...
Q. I feel disgusted after finding out that my husband has left me for a 64-year-old woman. Apparently someone has told me that everytime he says he's working late, he actually is sneaking off for sex sessions with this woman. I am 25 and my ...
A. 6 July 2005: Give him his divorce and thank your lucky stars you had the chance to get out of this marriage!!! Dont feel bad about this, he must be of very unsound mind to have carried on in this manner. This man sounds incapable of commitment making it unlike... (read in full...)
He read my email without even consulting me! I've got nothing to hide, but don't I deserve my privacy?
Q. The other day, I was writing an e-mail to my girlfriend. She had told me some very personal information and I was replying to some concerns she had about her upcoming divorce. When I left the computer to answer the phone, my boyfriend had came to my ...
A. 6 July 2005: Youre entitled to your privacy but it was only an email. Ask him not to do it again.... (read in full...)
Why is it so hard to deal with my partner's 10-year-old-son?
Q. How can I deal with my partner's child? I'm really struggling to cope with my partner's 10 year old son and I don't know why. This girl is the girl of my dreams; I've been attrached to her ever since we were at school and was so happy when we go...
A. 6 July 2005: Do you get on well with the boy? If not, you may be feeling he doesnt like you and this is causing your resentment. This is a common feeling in step-parents they may feel that their step child is 'against' them or you may feel that this boy dominate... (read in full...)
Broke up with my boyfriend, but I now realise that I'm still madly in love with him!
Q. I bet you're all thinking 14 year old girl saying she's in love is all wrong, but I'm being deadly serious. I went out with this guy (the same age as me) about a year ago an when we finished after being together for about 3 months I realised...
A. 6 July 2005: While he's got a girlfriend, nothing can happen between you. I know it feels like its the end of the world but its not!! Try to focus on getting out more with your friends and youll find yourself thinking about this boy less.... (read in full...)
A sexual assault has left me feeling dirty and horrible...
Q. I was raped and contracted herpes. It only came up once but now I am paranoid and scared that I will pass it to my husband and children. My husband knows about it but now I just feel dirty and horrible. He claims that he still loves me and still fi...
A. 6 July 2005: Talk to your husband about it, this should put your mind at ease. think about getting counselling (for the record, i used to think it was rubbish till it helped me) to help work your head round this, your doctor will be able to advise you. Sexual ... (read in full...)
My ex is seeing a friend and I feel stupid for not realising it was going on...
Q. A few days ago I discovered that my ex is seeing a friend of his, I have always been jealous of this friendship, and always felt slightly inadequate to her. We were together for nearly 3 years and was deeply in love with him. Now I feel sick that he ...
A. 6 July 2005: You're not the idiot, he is. He's sneaked around and lied to you, so how were you supposed to know what was going on. Other people will be aware of this too, so dont worry what they think. Be glad to have gotten rid of this cheating git!!!... (read in full...)
What can I do to get my friend to forgive me?
Q. I argued with my best friend. I tried to call to say sorry but he always rejects my call.What should I do?...
A. 6 July 2005: Wait a while then try to call her again and explain. Maybe write her a letter explaining, at least this way you will know you have done what you can to salvage your friendship.... (read in full...)
Now that my g/f is ready for sex, I can hardly keep up! How can I make it better for her?
Q. My girlfriend and me have been dating for almost 2 years, and we just really got into sex recently, we didn't do anything for over a year, I didn't pressure her because I really like her and all of a sudden she just came around and I can hardly keep ...
A. 6 July 2005: you dont need to last longer every time. Also women dont need to have an orgasm every time to enjoy sex. Try new things and dont see sex as a means to an end all the time. ... (read in full...)
Involved with a married guy who says he sees himself divorced in the next 5 to 10 years...
Q. I'm having a affair with a married man for 2 months now. I'm in love with him, I'm also in a long term relationship but not married. I'm not sure if it will go anywhere. He's unhappy at home and tells me he's only staying there for his child. H...
A. 6 July 2005: Do you really want to remain the 'other woman' for the next 5-10 years??? Sounds like this chap is having his cake and eating it. He wont leave his wife. End it now before you get too attatched. ... (read in full...)
Our good relationship is being spoiled by my eldest child!
Q. I have 2 children and I am divorced. I am in a relationship with a man and my eldest child has created so much trouble that he has decided to end it. Is there any advice on how I can try and save us? We are deeply in love but it's my child who is c...
A. 6 July 2005: what age is your eldest child, the teenage years can be hard and having a new man in your mums life could be making normal teenage rebellion worse. If your child is younger you have to curb this bad behaviour now in whichever way you see fit as a ... (read in full...)
My dream guy seems to have a lot of not-too-innocent messages on his phone. Is he cheating?
Q. My boyfriend and i have been together now for almost 20 months. When i first met him i was obsessed with him and i still am. I used to make myself be at the same places he was so we could talk but not in a stalker way. LOL. I finally got the chance ...
A. 6 July 2005: first of all, your weight has nothing to do with it. Sounds to me like this guy is cheating, youve found a lot of not too innocent evidence to suggest this. If you want to try again, tell him once more that these massages have to STOP! get him to c... (read in full...)
My (male) friend thinks he can't see me any more, now that I have a relationship with someone else.
Q. I was seeing a close friend of mine for 2 years. We both had feelings for each other but he wouldn't commit to a relationship with me even though we were exclusive because he didn't want the hassles that a relationship brought. Whatever those are! ...
A. 6 July 2005: Sounds like hes a bit jealous, not because he wants to go out with you himself, but because you have found a boyfriend and hes still single, hes scared hes going to lose you as a friend. Dont let your new relationship suffer because of him, remember... (read in full...)
I never developed breasts and I don't feel like I could ever really satisfy a man's needs.
Q. I'm a twenty four year old female with sex issues. I find it hard to enjoy sex because of my physical shortcomings - I have never developed breasts. I don't mean that I have small breasts, I have literally NO breasts at all, just nipples. My sto...
A. 6 July 2005: Id see your doctor to put your mind at ease. Your boyfriend knew what you were like when he met you, he obviously doesnt bother!... (read in full...)
My husband came back after moving out, but he hasn't given up his girl-on-the-side!
Q. My husband told me three months ago that he no longer loved me, although he still cared for me. He also told me he had started a relationship with a work colleague whom he left to live with a fortnight later. After two days he realised that he ...
A. 6 July 2005: I wouldnt bother to try. Hes not worth it and doesnt deserve it. If he still wants to see this girl, there is no future for your marriage.... (read in full...)
Will things get more awkward if I tell her how I've fallen for her?
Q. I've just finished my first year at university where I’ve made some absolutely brilliant new friends. Particularly, I’ve met a girl who, to put it plainly, I’ve fallen head-over-heels in love with. Recently we’ve spent a lot of time together and we ...
A. 5 July 2005: Dont tell her how you feel. Shes got a boyfriend, you cant have her. Maybe at some time in the future, this will change and things may develop between you but maybe they wont.For now, get on with your life and remain friends with this girl and noth... (read in full...)
I mentioned "commitment" to him and he's dropped out of sight!
Q. I haven't heard from the man I love in over a week. I mentioned a commitment to him because he said he loved me and wanted me to move to another state where he lives. I haven't heard from him in over a week he doesn't return my calls. Will I hear ...
A. 5 July 2005: Sounds like commitment scared him. Try and get through to him for a few more days then give up, if he wants you, he knows where you are.... (read in full...)
He says he wants me, then he says he doesn't care. Where do we stand?
Q. I have been dating a man for 1 year. Shortly afer we met, about one month into it, he pressured me to have sex with him and sex was mostly the topic he discussed. I gave in to him too soon, but I liked him and didn't regret it after. After the firs...
A. 5 July 2005: Tell him again how much it hurt you, if he cares for your feelings, he'll listen. His behaviour was not acceptable at all but maybe hes realised that now and has changed, if things have been fine since you became more serious i would discuss it with ... (read in full...)
With his 36 female contacts online, I just can't believe anything my husband says anymore...
Q. I have just discovered my husband has at least 36 online contacts- I have suspected for years, he has joined dating agencies online, in the pretence he thought I was cheating and wanted to 'find me out'. This has now gone on for 6 years and I keep ...
A. 5 July 2005: Fun? Its not fun, its downright wrong! Right, you found out, asked him to stop, fair enough, you gave him a chance, but now hes still doing it and making out you're the one with the problem? 6 years is a long time to live with deceit, and it doesnt ... (read in full...)
My folks found out that my boyfriend is 19, now they won't let me see him...
Q. I'm 14. I have a 19 year old boyfriend but I look like I'm 17 or 18. He knows I'm 14. I've known him for a year. My parents found out, now we can never see each other. Do you think I should let him go or try to make it work? ...
A. 5 July 2005: Your parents are worried about you. Ask if they would mind meeting this boy and seeing what hes like, maybe he could come round for dinner a few nights, they might even like him! Ask them to give him one chance and see where you get from there. ... (read in full...)
He and I just click together and we love to cuddle up... but I feel like such a pervert.
Q. Im 32 years old, been married, but now divorced. I go clubbing every weekend, I live for the moment, and enjoy life to the full. I met last year, through another friend, this lad. we got on realy well, had the same thoughts on life, he loved mu...
A. 5 July 2005: Sounds like neither of you are sure at the moment what you want. Stay friends for now and see where things lead ad if you feel comfortable talking about the subject, have a chat about your feelings. Hes probably wondering what you feel too.... (read in full...)
Could my girlfriends be right about this guy's shady background, or am I worrying too much?
Q. I have met a man on the internet about 4 months ago and see him about every two weeks as he goes on a lot of fishing trips and lives in a houseboat in Teddington. My concern is I do like him but am worried about his past although of course w...
A. 5 July 2005: I agree totally with Helen05, this sounds like a shady character and its very suspicious that he wont drink in front of you. Maybe he does take you nice places etc but do you really want to get mixed up with a man whose stories dont add up???... (read in full...)
My new guy and I have never really dated, but we kiss and cuddle... Where do I stand?
Q. There is a guy that I met online a while back, maybe 6 months ago. He was fresh out of a 5 year relationship so we were just chat friends. He would always joke about me coming over to his house. Maybe he wasn't joking, but about 2 months ago h...
A. 5 July 2005: You sound really sensible. Tell him you feel things have moved a bit too quickly for your liking especially with him just coming out of a relationship so soon. Tell him you understand that he works long hours but youd like to go out for dinner/t... (read in full...)
We've broken up and it hurts. So what do I do if he asks me out again?
Q. I miss my ex-boyfriend so much. We really loved each other and he has already gone out with 2 other girls since we broke up and we havent talked since the break-up. This is the 3rd time we broke up and it really hurts. I love him to death but I do...
A. 5 July 2005: Dont go out with him if he asks you again. Why should he be able to lift and lay you when he pleases? Forget about him and find someone nicer-anyone sounds better than him!... (read in full...)
Don't know what to say to my girlfriend, who I know found out about my weird compulsion!
Q. I have a bit of a wierd habit and my girlfriend has found out, and now I don't know how to handle it... I am 24, and for several years I have had the compulsion to steal girl's used underwear from their wash baskets. I don't know how it started b...
A. 5 July 2005: could she have known about it all along? If so maybe she was just having a clear out and threw them away. On the other hand it sounds to me more like she found them while you were away, got very shocked, wondered what the hell was going on, threw th... (read in full...)
We didn't have actual sex... but could I still be pregnant?
Q. My boyfriend and I are in love, and we do not have sex because we do not feel that it will benefit our relationship right now. We do however immensly enjoy foreplay, and "dry sex". Well I've missed my period after 'dry sex' and was wondering if I ...
A. 5 July 2005: Its posible. if you were touching each other in an intimate way then there is a good chance that you may be pregnant, even through clothes. A man doesnt have to ejaculate to release some sperm so even if he didnt cum, you could still be pregnant. It ... (read in full...)
Want to get over my ex and get back on the dating scene... but I'm so anxious!
Q. I have recently come out of a 5 year relationship and now I'm having real trouble living the single life... It has been 3 months since we broke up, although we have had several "relapses" since then, we are both sure that the relationship has...
A. 5 July 2005: You said "when youve been successful and taken a girl home with you" sounds like going on the pull for you is having one-night stands. Try to get to know women on more of a social level, build a friendship and trust before you have a serious ... (read in full...)
Sometimes I think our foreplay goes on for so long it's almost, well, boring!
Q. Hi everyone and I'm hoping I can get an advice... I have a sexual problem, I think I can describe it like that, or else please help. Well, I'm a guy,20. and I have my girlfriend that we both have a very active sex life, but there are two thin...
A. 5 July 2005: You say your foreplay goes on for hours, have you considered that your girlfriend may feel that its too long too? Talk about it and ask if shes happy with your sex life. If she is, you need to work out ways for yourself to get more from the foreplay... (read in full...)
Right now, our relationship is great! So why do I worry that I might lose him?
Q. Hello, Bev, your advice would be much appreciated on this and anyone else who would care to help. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now & i love him so much & he loves me back. He tells me all the time & says he would love it if we co...
A. 5 July 2005: I often used to feel like this about my boyfriend (and occasionally still do) you need to believe what he says , that he loves you and hes in it for the long haul. Just because hes mentioned marriage doesnt mean he meant straight away. Take the time ... (read in full...)
I need help with my questions about contraception...
Q. I have a very strong thought about this and we ( My girlfriend and I did it twice in a month ) are pretty unsecure. First of all, we have had sex , very much unprotected and I'm very much aware about it that is wrong, not the fact of having interc...
A. 5 July 2005: Right the answers to your questions first. 1)You need to either not have sex or use contraception in order to prevent pregnancy. If she doesnt want to use the pill, there are many other reliable forms of contraception, also, just because her sist... (read in full...)
It's not just the distance between us... he also has an issue with my weight. Could it still work out?
Q. I am 24 years old. One year ago, I met a guy online who lives in another part of the country. We got along very well from the beginning, both of us have been very honest and open about ourselves. This carried on for months as friends, but there ...
A. 5 July 2005: Dont you think it feels easier to tell him things because the first months of your relationship were online rather than face to face? Sometimes we tell things to strangers that we wouldnt tell even our closest friends. This may be giving you the ... (read in full...)
How can I make new friends at university?
Q. I'm in university so it's a new social world. I don't have a friend so I want advice to help me to make new friends and social contacts. ...
A. 5 July 2005: I had the same problem when I went to university, I was very shy and only had one friend. I ended up making lots of friends and having some great nights out in the end. Try to talk to other people on your course, about recent essays/lectures ... (read in full...)
His friends seem more important to him than our time together...
Q. I have been dating my now boyfriend for a little over a month. We were long-distance friends for over a year until he moved back into the area. I am having a problem with his friends taking priority over me. He works nights so the time we get to see ...
A. 5 July 2005: A month isnt a long time to have been seeing someone. He wont want to stop seeing his friends because he doesnt see you as a 'serious' girlfriend yet. Youve told him how you feel and he says he understands....good. Ask him to spend a couple o... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose my girlfriend, but I can't deny my attraction for a guy from work!
Q. O.K., here it goes. I am a bisexual male, and I have been with my girlfriend for over 3 years. I have only had two contacts with a man in the past. I recently started hanging out with a guy from work that I believe I am falling deeply in love with, ...
A. 5 July 2005: At least youve told your girlfriend of your attraction to this chap at work, thats the first step. Your next step is to decide whether you want to remain with your girlfriend or take a chance with this guy at your work (is he even gay?) ... (read in full...)
I picked up herpes from a casual relationship with him... Should I tell his new girlfriend he's got it?
Q. I was having a casual relationship with a good friend of mine and contracted herpes from him. He knew that he had it but didn't tell me. Now he has a new girlfriend, she's 16 (he's 23) and she's a really nice girl, they've gotten into a serious r...
A. 4 July 2005: TELL HER NOW!!! it may be embarrassing to tell her in person but you have to do it so that she can either prevent catching it or get treatment. Could you even send an anonymous text to her telling her if you are too embarrassed to face her. in any ... (read in full...)
My partner was up all night and says he was "just talking"... but I can't stop thinking they were up to no good!
Q. Myself and my partner live together, we have this mutual friend who came down at the weekend with his partner. On the Sunday night we stayed in and our guests went out for the night. I went to bed at about 2am and my partner said he would follow....
A. 4 July 2005: Where was her partner at this time? I think that your husband was out of order in doing this and you have a right to be angry but the chances are that they probably were just talking. Keep a close eye on things from now on and make it clear to... (read in full...)
Was I just being self-destructive to meet my old flame before I get married?
Q. I'm getting married in less than 2 months to a wonderful man. We've been together for almost 3 years, been engaged for 2. Up until 2 weeks ago I was blissfully happy, then my self destructive behaviour got the best of me. I dated a man for 2 we...
A. 4 July 2005: I know it sounds cruel but if you feel this way you cant love your fiance enough to get married. Consider postponing the wedding. it wouldnt be fair to marry this man and then leave him shortly after, realising you had made a mistake. You dont sound ... (read in full...)
He's thinking over going out with me, but was I too forward asking him out?
Q. hiya! I have this crush and I just asked him out. He is thinking about it at the moment but do you think I have done the right thing to ask him out cos he is a year older than me? I am 13 and he is 14, is that wrong of me? Should I be going out w...
A. 4 July 2005: dont worry about the age gap-a year is nothing. well done you for making the first step in asking him out! If he says no, try not to dwell on it, keep going out with friends and remember youll meet plenty other boys in the future... (read in full...)
We're getting married in September, but when it comes to sex, he pushes me away!
Q. My boyfriend doesn't want sex with me. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 years now and we're getting married in September. But he never wants sex with me. I try and turn him on, but he pushes me away. I'm starting to think it's me. I do...
A. 4 July 2005: If hes pushing you away when you try to make the first move there is definitely something wrong here. It may be a number of things. Maybe there is something in his past that he feels unable to share with you. Maybe he's got pre-wedding nerves, ... (read in full...)
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