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| | baby duck's profile:I am not qualified to help people, but they've been asking me for my thoughts on their issues ever since I was a young girl. I guess it's because I am empathetic but rational ... I have opinions but I don't judge ... I know that I don't have the answers but I might have a perspective to help you find it within.
I live in New York.
What makes me tick? Learning! Everyday, I observe ... I ask questions ... I think, I feel ... I exercise and do something meditative. I really know that every day is something special and I don't take it for granted. I am making the most of my time here.
I am in the middle of a divorce. |
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Should I tell my family I'm gay?
Q. [Moderator Note: OP, there isn't a third gender. If there were, threesomes would be much less messy.] hello to everyone. i need your advice. please tell me what to do to overcome this problem that i am facing now. i belong to a third gender(gay...
A. 19 November 2009: When people are confronted with the truth, it shakes up their whole world. Some people handle this better than others. *shoulder shrug* You are not living their lives ... you are living yours ... and, from what you've shared with us, you are h... (read in full...)
I need your help on this one! I don't want to go out with her if I feel ashamed of her size. What should I do?
Q. Ok my problem is this, I started talking to a friend of a friend a while ago and me and her get on great, laugh about the same things and just connect never a problem making conversation etc anyway she`s a bit big though which I know shouldnt be a ...
A. 19 November 2009: You're not a dick because of that. You're honest. A dick would say all the right things but try to conceal how he really felt ... and treat her with contempt when no one else was looking. Look: it's no secret that males are influenced by th... (read in full...)
Despite her denials I think she wants more than friendship too
Q. Okay I need help understanding this! I am a 48 year old female who told a 55 year old unhappily married female that my feelings for her went deeper than just friendship. She denies feeling the same way but based on many things she has said to me and ...
A. 19 November 2009: Whether she is in denial or is as she states, does not really matter, does it? I mean, until she's "there", she's not there, is she? I have learned that loving someone is not enough ... giving them room to heal, grow, wake up, whatever, is goo... (read in full...)
What should I choose, earth shattering sex or the great looking guy who is not so good in bed?
Q. Which one should I choose earth shattering great sex you know the kind that brings a tear to your eye and make you pull out the hairs on your head and ok looks or do i choose that guy when he walks in the room everyone creams their pants. You know ...
A. 17 November 2009: definitely, the sex
I've been out with model material and, well ...
definitely the other guy... (read in full...)
After 5 years together, is marriage ever going to happen?
Q. Do you think that after five years of dating the same person, if marriage is going to occur, it should have already taken place? ...
A. 17 November 2009: Most, but definitely not all ... one of the women I work with dated her husband for seven years before he proposed ... and they were married a year later.
It's not about deadlines, but commitments.
It sounds like you don't feel safe in your rel... (read in full...)
I'm losing my writing mojo because of the teacher's hard-headed method of teaching!
Q. I aspire to be a writer but in the high school creative class I'm in, the teacher makes us all write the same thing basically (we can't express much individuality) and when we do, he gives us strict critiques and I lose my interest in my favorite ...
A. 17 November 2009: This is actually an exercise in how the journalism world operates.
The best writers still have to deal with editors and the whims of the public, not to mention the owner of the medium or powerful people in the various genres ... and everyone... (read in full...)
I'm at a kind of crossroads after losing a dear friend and don't know what to do with my life.
Q. A dear friend of mine passed away only 2 months ago and i cant help but feel miserable. His other friends know me and have continuously asked me to hang with them and i accept but when the day comes they dont call and ditch me for no apparent ...
A. 17 November 2009: Healing takes time. There is no prescribed time that is *healthy*, only the average time for the average person.
Love yourself. Know that you have suffered a great loss. To some extent, it will never go away, only diminish in its severity... (read in full...)
Is it acceptable for a man to hit his girlfriend when she stands up for herself against unfair accusations of infidelity?
Q. Is it normal (or acceptable) for: -a man to accuse his girlfriend of infidelity for more than one year? -for the woman to raise her voice and shout, after one year of being falsely accused and asked the same question over and over and over ...
A. 16 November 2009: It was not acceptable for him to hit you.
This is not negotiable. No matter how many good times were held in this relationship, it is all over ... they have all been smeared with this act of violent control.
Say goodbye to him and start healin... (read in full...)
I need help to stop masturbating
Q. i am a 21 year old gal and i masturbate a lot. i know its wrong and i wish to stop. however i keep succumbing to temptation. i have a loving boyfriend and we have a decent sex life. i wish to limit myself only to him. and stop all with watching or ...
A. 15 November 2009: Masturbation is not wrong.
You are creating a stressful situation where none exists.
Do what comes naturally.... (read in full...)
New to dating again and need some perspective
Q. I've been on my own for about 18 months now. After encouragement from friends I joined a dating site. It has been a lovely experience. So many men have contacted me that it has made me feel much more confident. I have been on a couple of 'first ...
A. 15 November 2009: You don't have to close the door but you really should continue to meet with others.
"Dating" is about going out with several people ... getting to know one another and deciding if you want something more exclusive with one of them. Don't close th... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is neglecting me and I don't kow what to do
Q. me and my boyfriend have been going out for a year now but the problem is im not happy. he never has time to spend with me because he always has other things to do like going to play football with his friends, studying or working. i dont want to s...
A. 15 November 2009: You have two options: continue with the way things are because he has no motivation to change or leave him.
I know that's not what you want ... what you want is for him to want you, the way that you want him.
Reality is: he doesn't.
You ... (read in full...)
Should I just show up at his house?
Q. ok i really want 2 go round this guys house, hes stopped talking 2 me for no reason, ive texted him and wont answer my texts, and i dont know what ive done, ive spoken 2 my guy mates and they say i should go round and just knock on the door, but im ...
A. 15 November 2009: What is the best thing that could happen? Do you think he's going to say, "Oh, Baby! I've missed you!" and take you in his arms to kiss you?
He's avoiding you.
Don't degrade yourself. If he does not want to talk to you anymore, fine. You're don... (read in full...)
Married and going crazy in the closet. What should I do?
Q. I'm 49 and gay. In the closet with the door closed tight. Married for 25 years with 2 grown girls. I'm going crazy. What should I do?...
A. 15 November 2009: I think you should come out.
Yeah ... being true to yourself will have a ripple affect. But you held the facade together for all these years for a lot of reasons, and they weren't all selfish.
You are going crazy because you're living a lie.
... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to have sex during your period?
Q. Is it wrong to have sex when you're on your period? I recently did and I believe that I freaked my partner out, but I didn't think anything about it and forgot to tell him....
A. 14 November 2009: No. In fact, a lot of women are at their peak-horniest during their period.
Besides ... if you can take his cum inside of you, he should be able to handle a little of your clean blood on him.... (read in full...)
My husband has a small penis and I love the other man!
Q. Im 29 and have been married for two years now but stil in love with a married man. Ive known this man before my husband and we love each other so much. I thought i was going to leave him after my marriage but i couldnt because i love him so much ...
A. 14 November 2009: Love is not limited to a satisfying sex life, but I don't think a monogamous relationship can survive an unsatisfying sex life.
All different forms of love ... whether for a spouse, a lover, a child, a parent, a friend ... is not merely about fe... (read in full...)
Are these reacurring sex dreams a sign that I am a pervert?
Q. I have been having reacurring sex dreams of me and my 15 yr old niece. When they happen i wake up in a cold sweat. Once i even ejactulated while i was dreaming. I would never do anything with my niece and now if i see her or talk to her i feel ...
A. 14 November 2009: Dreams are universal in that they don't speak a particular language ... they speak in symbols. That said, your niece in your dream may not actually be your niece ... she might be a symbol of your youthful dreams unfulfilled ... sexual or more ... (read in full...)
How do I get my husband to stop cutting me off when I talk?
Q. Hello I would like advice on how to get my husband to stop cutting me off when i talk. I don't know if he does this on purpose but i have told him that he does it to people and he said he would work on it. He will cut me off in the middle of talking ...
A. 14 November 2009: How about saying, "Stop talking. You are not listening to me." Give him a couple of seconds to hear you and be quiet. If he does not, just turn around and walk away.
When he starts to explain why he kept talking ("I knew what you were going to... (read in full...)
My brother scolds me for very small reasons! What can I do?
Q. i am 15. my brother is 20. my problem is, in the last few days, my brother scolds or whacks me for very small reasons. for example, just asking "what are you studying ?" earns me a verbal thrashing. please tell me what to do....
A. 14 November 2009: You have to decide which is worse for you: submission or confrontation. Neither are pleasant but with confrontation you maintain your self-respect.
If he's violent, than of course, you must take the safest route. ... (read in full...)
My brother scolds me for very small reasons! What can I do?
Q. i am 15. my brother is 20. my problem is, in the last few days, my brother scolds or whacks me for very small reasons. for example, just asking "what are you studying ?" earns me a verbal thrashing. please tell me what to do....
A. 13 November 2009: Take the following and put it in your own words:
"I don't want to talk to you. You yell at me, you don't want to exchange ideas. Please don't talk to me until you can be kind and respectful."... (read in full...)
He showed no concern when I had a miscarriage and I am at the stage where I no longer know what to say to him, should I leave?
Q. I have asked for help before and always received helpful and unbiased advice. My problem stems from the fact that I feel that I have not been treated very well and would like other peoples views on whether I should leave this relationship. I was ...
A. 13 November 2009: He's done. He's just waiting for you to catch on.
It's disorienting to see where you are standing and realize that you haven't been traveling down the road of happy, healthy relationship as you thought. Now, turning around, and looking back, yo... (read in full...)
What are the views on poligamy?
Q. I see nothing wrong with it as long as the one that is married to the two or more is spending equal time between them and not playing favorites or compairing each other or trying to force one to act like the others. In other religions or cultures ...
A. 12 November 2009: I could not tolerate it.
I cannot trust a man that is sleeping with another woman.
... (read in full...)
Why didn't I bleed?
Q. Hi i'm 19 this year. I'd sex with my boyfriend quite a few times but i'd never bleed before. I did'nt had sex before until i was with him. Can you tell me why i did'nt bleed?...
A. 11 November 2009: This is the point: anything can tear your hymen and you would not know it. It would not be excruciating pain. It would be swift.
You really are over thinking this. Don't worry.... (read in full...)
Why didn't I bleed?
Q. Hi i'm 19 this year. I'd sex with my boyfriend quite a few times but i'd never bleed before. I did'nt had sex before until i was with him. Can you tell me why i did'nt bleed?...
A. 11 November 2009: it does not have to be fingering ... have you ever fallen hard? Ever? Like five years ago? Have you ever used a tampon? There are so many different causes for a torn hymen.
Really. It's okay. It is no indication that anything is wrong. At all.... (read in full...)
He cheated on me all through our seven years! And he doesn't feel guilty! What the?!?!?
Q. Hi Aunts/Uncles. I discovered my long term partner had been cheating on me all through our relationship (7years). I turned to all of you for advice. Which you gave me and I greatfully took. The problem now is, he says he didn't feel guilty wh...
A. 11 November 2009: (((BIG HUGS))) to you.
These damn life-altering experiences are exhausting, I know. But, the incredible reward of releasing illusions, healing and growing are so amazing, it makes us look back at the life we lived and shake our heads in disbelie... (read in full...)
My views on animal rights are conflicting with my relationship, what should I do?
Q. I need help! Ive been with my boyfriend for about two years now and we are both so happy together. Im buddhist so i have strong views about a lot of things. One of them is animal rights. I know this is a really extreme veiw but i think animals are ...
A. 11 November 2009: I don't think the issue is your opposing beliefs ... because they are so opposite, the only solution would be to agree to disagree.
I think the problem is that he was hiding it.
It could be that he loves you so much AND your way of thinking ... (read in full...)
I would already be engaged to her if it wasnt for her past! How do I overcome this?
Q. I'll try to keep it short. In June 07 I met a girl at a party and ending up sleeping with her that night. Both of us were sober. For the rest of the summer we hooked up here and there - f buddies. About a month after we first met my good friend told ...
A. 11 November 2009: As I have stated in many other similar requests, this was never an issue for me ... I just did not care what his history was. Therefore, I have nothing to offer there.
However, I see a much larger problem and that is what I will address. You beli... (read in full...)
Why didn't I bleed?
Q. Hi i'm 19 this year. I'd sex with my boyfriend quite a few times but i'd never bleed before. I did'nt had sex before until i was with him. Can you tell me why i did'nt bleed?...
A. 11 November 2009: Your hymen was probably already broken. Anything from having been fingered to using a tampon to a hard fall or riding a horse can break your hymen.
It's okay ... I hope you're not worried.... (read in full...)
He cheated on me all through our seven years! And he doesn't feel guilty! What the?!?!?
Q. Hi Aunts/Uncles. I discovered my long term partner had been cheating on me all through our relationship (7years). I turned to all of you for advice. Which you gave me and I greatfully took. The problem now is, he says he didn't feel guilty wh...
A. 10 November 2009: His values and needs are different than yours, that is why he feels no guilt.
Guilt comes from fear ... remorse is completely different. If he were remorseful, he would be empathetic ... feeling the pain he caused you ... himself hurting so much,... (read in full...)
I cheated so why isn't my wife angry?
Q. I had an affair. She ended it. I was no longer in love with my wife. The situation wasn't fair to either of us, so I told her everything and that I was ready to leave (she'd had her suspicions). She broke down and couldn't really function, so I ...
A. 10 November 2009: Your wife's anger is buried under fear and sadness. She's a textbook case of 'co-dependent'. She has a lot of muck to dig through before she can reach it, feel it, and release it. She needs to research this. I recommend reading a lot of different ... (read in full...)
I need my man to be sexy AND have brains!
Q. Hey people.. I recently met a guy ..we have chemistry, but the thing is he's not that educated aka we cant talk about philosophy, literature etc. Sex-wise I'm attracted to him but then again I dont know if I could be satisfied with a sexual re...
A. 9 November 2009: Approach what?
You don't trust him. That says it all right there. You can talk about how good looking he is ... how funny ... how desirable by other women ...
but you don't trust him. That is a deal-breaker for me.
I would not pursue a ... (read in full...)
I don't want what my parents want for me!
Q. I am from India, 16 years and am brought up in a strict Muslim family. My parents have already planned my future for me, get my degree and get married soon after that. But the thing is that I don't want that. I want to continue with my career and do ...
A. 8 November 2009: Please don't give up hope.
I don't pretend to have a viable solution. However, I have learned that as long as I follow my gut, keep an open heart and mind, opportunities are presented.
They're never what I imagined, and sometimes they h... (read in full...)
Should I leave my wife? She held my viewing of porn against me for years... now I find it on her laptop!
Q. Let me start from the beginning. I love my wife and in the beginning of our relationship everything was perfect until she found some porn in my computer the same day that we have had sex. I explained to her that it was nothing to worry about and ...
A. 8 November 2009: Talk.
It sounds like there's a power-play going on ... and double standards.
People change. But, if she crucified you with your porn and then she developed a liking for it and didn't share that with you, well ... that's withholding info... (read in full...)
How can I regain my self worth and self esteem?
Q. I really dont know how to put this into words except to say that with my current partner of 14 month, I have just lost it... My husband died alsmost 3 years ago. I never thought that at age 50 I would find someone who matched me so well again. ...
A. 8 November 2009: First of all, we're not in denial ... it is simple science. Men are hard-wired to spread their seed and women are hard-wired to commit and nurture. That's how we've survived and evolved for all these thousands of years.
But ... unlike the rest of ... (read in full...)
I want to wait to get married, but she wants it now.
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for almost three years, I'm a really bad person because I lied to her, we got engaged then a year later I said I didn't want to get married, I have a habit of oppressing my feelings, I don't open up or say how I really ...
A. 8 November 2009: No ... it is not foolish to feel how you feel. However, it is dangerous to not fully express yourself in this situation because you do stand to lose her.
It helps me to understand my feelings when I ask myself rudimentary questions. I don't ju... (read in full...)
All I want is to fall in love with someone that will love me back. Is that too much to ask for?
Q. Dear Cupid, I was wondering if I could get some advice on how to attract love into my life. I ended up asking a man out and we dated for about six months. Before then I had not dated since before my marriage and have been divorced for ten...
A. 8 November 2009: No ... it's not too much to ask.
I work in a hospital. I LOVE the stories the geriatrics tell. I think we have a tendency to see these couples and think they've been married forever. I am still surprised when I hear them say they've only been mar... (read in full...)
I want a family he wants his career and a harem.
Q. I broke off with the guy i was seeing last December because i couldn't continue living without emotional security and without being able to express honestly my feelings and emotions with him. I want a family he wants his career and a harem. I said ...
A. 8 November 2009: When I first started researching co-dependent relationships, after I came out of denial about my failed marriage, I could not accept that I fit the criteria. Me? Controlling? The woman that turned the other cheek, over and over again? The doormat ... (read in full...)
I need my man to be sexy AND have brains!
Q. Hey people.. I recently met a guy ..we have chemistry, but the thing is he's not that educated aka we cant talk about philosophy, literature etc. Sex-wise I'm attracted to him but then again I dont know if I could be satisfied with a sexual re...
A. 8 November 2009: Okay ... let me get this straight:
You want to sleep with him because he's African American, not Greek, and the two of you share sexual chemistry.
You doubt the relationship could last because he's not educated in the subjects you want to disc... (read in full...)
Eloping this weekend... then how do I tell my parents when we get back?
Q. i have been seeing an older man secretly for a year my parents know him but don't know about us he is not married he has a farm right next to us and i help him all the time we our going to get married this weekend when we go to a cattle sale in ...
A. 8 November 2009: First of all, five years older is not 'an older man'.
Second of all, if you are worried about how you are going to tell them that you're married, you're not old enough to marry.
You need to be independent before you marry.
The reason teen... (read in full...)
I want a family he wants his career and a harem.
Q. I broke off with the guy i was seeing last December because i couldn't continue living without emotional security and without being able to express honestly my feelings and emotions with him. I want a family he wants his career and a harem. I said ...
A. 8 November 2009: amen... (read in full...)
My live-in BF doesn't seem to feel things... How do I express myself without being rejected?
Q. Hi to all and any who may read this. I am involved in a living arrangement with a man for about a year. There have been a lot of ups and downs as to be expected but I am very uncomfortable with some of what I am experiencing. It seems as though ...
A. 8 November 2009: He lacks empathy.
Don't think for a moment that you are going to heal him with your love and patience.
He is the only one that can heal himself but, at this point, he thinks he is superior and has no motivation to change.
You'd be naive ... (read in full...)
I don't want what my parents want for me!
Q. I am from India, 16 years and am brought up in a strict Muslim family. My parents have already planned my future for me, get my degree and get married soon after that. But the thing is that I don't want that. I want to continue with my career and do ...
A. 7 November 2009: I am sorry ... I have no experience or knowledge with this. Best wishes to you ... I do believe all should have the freedom to live their own lives as they wish, as long as they don't infringe on others. ... (read in full...)
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