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| | baby duck's profile:I am excited about the new year, 2008. I have just wrapped up the most painful, but growing, year of my life, bar none. I have a new urgency in living each day to the fullest. For years, I swallowed my pain and anger, because I thought it was part of being a good wife. No more. I do not say that with vengeance, but with humility. My life is a gift and I have not treated it with respect, having been so focused on 'doing the right thing', according to other people's wishes. My eyes are wide open now. I do not speak to injure, but I am honest. I ask for the same in return. |
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Do you think my wife is bisexual?
Q. Hi we are couple in our mid 40 and have had our ups and downs. we are currently in a down time and things get tense. we have had a very active sex lfe and tried most things over the past 25 years. my wife has a great body and as always looked ...
A. 23 July 2008: Many things arouse me, but that does not mean that I want to include them in my sex life.
She probably got aroused. That is not to say that she wanted her friend, or any woman for that matter. She was being touched in a sensitive area and her body... (read in full...)
He gone cold because I was ill and couldn't see him. What do I do?
Q. Okay, Well Im 15, dating this 16 year old guy. My first time dating, hes been in previous relationships and I haven't. I had an accident and I wasn't able to leave the house for 6 weeks. Over those 6 weeks, things started getting a LITTLE w...
A. 22 July 2008: Amen, Tisha.
Many of us females are always so quick to take the blame because we think that empowers us to change things and make it right (whereas blaming the other guy gives away all of our control to change a situation). But sometimes, it is th... (read in full...)
I fear I may have fallen victim to an online predator....help me please, should I meet him?
Q. I'm a 15 year old male and i recently met an older man off of a forum. It wasn't a dating forum or anything, and we started off as just friends, just talking about stuff. On my account it said i was 21 (I had listed my age as that to be taken more ...
A. 22 July 2008: btw, he probably knew that you were not the age that you claimed to be ... it has a way of showing up in your writing style
I suspect he knew you were a kid and used that to his advantage, inflating your ego, etc
don't over think it but lea... (read in full...)
How do I find my birth father?
Q. Hi, i have a problem, im 16 years old and i dont know anything about my birth father. not even a name. im not adopted. i try to ask my family especially my mum but they just seem to go quiet and change the subject. all i want in my life is to know ...
A. 22 July 2008: Well ... there are so many reasons for your family responding the way that they are ...
it might be their own feelings of embarrassment because he was a jerk and your mom can't believe that she was so gullible ...
it might be because your par... (read in full...)
He NEVER calls/texts me but treats me like a princess when we are together?!
Q. My boyfriend is confusing me, and I'm begining to wonder if he's really just not that into me. We've been together for a little over a month, and when we're together he treats me like a princess. He's very affectionate and sweet. But then as soon...
A. 22 July 2008: skipping over the details of your story ... the thing that holds my attention is that you feel neglected
It's good that you're considering that you might be over sensitive, and that may be a factor, still ... have you told him that you feel lik... (read in full...)
The married man I'm seeing hurt me the last time we had sex. Should I break it off now?
Q. I have been having an affair with a man in another city. We only see each other about once or twice a year. When I saw him this year he seemed distant and when we had sex he hurt me. When I told him it hurt he seemed to thrust even harder until ...
A. 22 July 2008: ooops ... that's Ask Oldersister ... check out her column and articles... (read in full...)
I fear I may have fallen victim to an online predator....help me please, should I meet him?
Q. I'm a 15 year old male and i recently met an older man off of a forum. It wasn't a dating forum or anything, and we started off as just friends, just talking about stuff. On my account it said i was 21 (I had listed my age as that to be taken more ...
A. 22 July 2008: STOP
Your feelings are real so don't get defensive. When we are defensive, we disregard important information, so please stay open minded.
Any adult that would take advantage of a child (yes, honey, at fifteen years old, you may be "becoming... (read in full...)
The married man I'm seeing hurt me the last time we had sex. Should I break it off now?
Q. I have been having an affair with a man in another city. We only see each other about once or twice a year. When I saw him this year he seemed distant and when we had sex he hurt me. When I told him it hurt he seemed to thrust even harder until ...
A. 22 July 2008: Uh, yeah.
Break it off with him. Not only because he is selfish for cumming at the expense of your pain ...
but because there is no way an affair with a married person is healthy for either party, ever, period. That's another discussion entir... (read in full...)
I'm in love with a woman I can't have, I don't want to hurt anyone else!
Q. What do I do? is started back in December of last year with a co-worker. I had an affair, it was just about sex at first, we are both married so I thought I would never fell in love with her but I Did. In Feb she ended it with me saying she had ...
A. 22 July 2008: Whoa! That last paragraph is full of faulty logic.
One: you and the other woman share the burden for creating chaos in each of your lives. YOU did not totally mess up her life. SHE has as much responsibility as you.
Two: making selfish decision... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't know if he loves me anymore after 7 years - I feel it's a matter of time before he leaves.
Q. we have been together for 16 years and married for 7 years ( no funnys about the 7 year itch please ) my husband told me a few days ago that he cares for me but is unsure if he loves me anymore , he doesnt want to move out at the moment because hes ...
A. 21 July 2008: He might be receptive to counseling.
Getting caught in the ruminations of our own head is overwhelming. If he is not naturally an introspective person, he's going to need the objective guidance of a professional *stranger*.
But a marriag... (read in full...)
Did I do something wrong to make him only view me as a sexual partner?
Q. I have recently ended a long-term on again/off again relationship with a married man. It went on for 14 years. I finally broke it off with him -- for good. This all happened in the last month and I am still sad about the whole thing, though I ...
A. 20 July 2008: yes, stop contact
Actions speak louder than words. You are attracted to unavailable men and that sends a signal that you are only in it for the sex. It says other things, too, but I won't go into that now.
Stop looking for a relationship wit... (read in full...)
Isn't even a friendship based on trust or am I assuming too much here?
Q. I met a woman on a dating site and she informed me she was just looking for friends as she had recently ended a long marriage and wasn't looking for another relationship. After one date and a lot of texting and phone calls for a week she revealed ...
A. 20 July 2008: Yes, I agree with that. I don't think everyone is capable of being so honest with themselves, though. I think many people think of it as "I am afraid to be alone" or "he needs my emotional support". ick needy ugh
I also agree that no ... (read in full...)
How do know if he's happy? If I'm doing it right?
Q. Hi everyone! i got something bothering me. I've just started having sex and i don't know if i'm doing it right! How do i know if I satisfy him or not and i'm still terribly shy that i can't even walk naked in the room in front of him! Is there an...
A. 20 July 2008: Breathe
Like anything else worth doing, sex has a learning curve. It would be pretty damn scary if you were as confident and skilled as someone that's been having sex for ten years.
When I was stationed in Hawaii, we would often refer to "... (read in full...)
Isn't even a friendship based on trust or am I assuming too much here?
Q. I met a woman on a dating site and she informed me she was just looking for friends as she had recently ended a long marriage and wasn't looking for another relationship. After one date and a lot of texting and phone calls for a week she revealed ...
A. 20 July 2008: Yes, friendship is based on trust. However, it is also based on time.
I am not dating, so I am talking about meeting females when I say this, but I believe it applies to the opposite sex and dating, as well. When I meet people, and they want our... (read in full...)
How do I tell my best friend I've known forever that I'm gay!
Q. how do I tell my best freind im gay? I've known her since we were kids and have kept it a secret because of fear of how she would react. Afraid of it ruining our friendship. I'm NOT attracted to her, she is straight and happily single a...
A. 20 July 2008: You know that if telling her destroys your relationship, that the friendship was not *real*. That will not make it any less painful if the relationship crumbles, but as you heal, you will need to remind yourself that it was not your sexual ... (read in full...)
What's the best way to leave my rageful husband?
Q. i am 24 and have been married for almost 5 years. things were wonderful for the 5 months before the wedding, but afterward, everything went to chaos. he goes through these frequent periods of what i can only assume to be depression (sinc...
A. 20 July 2008: Wow, Lazy Guy ... very good point: "Suicide after all is when people blame themselves. Not when they put their mistakes on everyone else."
jazzkat? Do all the intelligent things the other posters recommended, contacting authorities, etc. I just w... (read in full...)
He told me to leave him alone and stay away. I haven't heard a word for a week. Should I wait?
Q. don't know what to do here. the man i've been sleeping with for four years jusy recently cursed me out like a dog for coming down to his told me to leave him alone and to stay away from him. i in turn sent him a letter saying i was sorry for making ...
A. 20 July 2008: What you did was wrong. However, the fact that he slept with another woman AND treated you rudely means that if you are healthy, you should not want him back ... you should not wait for him.
That's the rational stuff. Of course, your emotions... (read in full...)
I'm not OK with this friends with benefits setup. I need some advice.
Q. I've recently gotten involved with a guy and we've been seeing eachother for around five weeks. It's basically just a "Friends with Benefits" setup and no matter how much I try to convince myself I'm ok with that, I'm not. I'm starting to fall...
A. 19 July 2008: (((big hugs)))
You already know what to do, honey. It's all over your post. It's just that the reality of it all is so painful, you're still hooked into the illusion that your love will turn him around.
He's been honest. Just because he does ... (read in full...)
Can I get your opinion... how long do you date him before you sleep with him?
Q. Single Adults... After you have started dating someone, when do you think that sex begins to be expected? First week? First month? When? For men, since you are usually the ones most concerned about this topic, what are your personal ex...
A. 18 July 2008: I have not dated in twenty five years. So, my opinion has not been road tested ... it's just a theory.
When I do start dating again (and I don't think I will be ready for a long time), I suspect that I will pay much closer attention to the emot... (read in full...)
Why do I push my boyfriend away when we're together?
Q. Why is it that I push my boyfriend away when he is near me, and then when he goes (we live far apart) I start missing him and loving him more and wishing he was here? Am I just afraid? I've only been in abusive relationships and he is the first nice ...
A. 14 July 2008: If you've only been in abusive relationships, the lack of drama in a relationship with a nice guy might feel ... boring. Maybe you are creating drama with pushing him away. Good for you that you recognize this.
There is a ton of info on the inte... (read in full...)
My boyfriend gets jealous easily but expects me to put up with his flirting, what do I do?
Q. i have recently ended my relationship with a guy i loved with all my heart,due to the way he mistreated me and constantly accused me of cheating. i accept i hid the fact that i txt a male friend from my past this was due to previous accusations also...
A. 14 July 2008: You were in an abusive relationship. You were focused on the illusion of what could be, if only he treated you with kindness and respect. It was an illusion. You did the right thing to walk away.
I am sorry that you are hurting, but he was (and... (read in full...)
How can I be a good mother to my daughter?
Q. Well now. I have a question for parents. I ask for parents because its easier said than done. I can give the best parenting advise but can't seem to perform. I am the only parental figure my daughter has now or has had her whole life. My main ...
A. 14 July 2008: First of all, rest assured, that what you are going through is completely normal. Take a deep breath and exhale. You are going to get through this.
Her rebellion is normal and desirable. It's how she prepares to leave the nest and it shows th... (read in full...)
I don't understand, does he love me or does he just want sex?
Q. Will men say I want to f**k you to the women they love when they were so turned on? My b/f and I are living far away. But we have phone sex or even video sex. While I showed my body on the camera to him, he was so turned on but could not touch me as ...
A. 14 July 2008: It's all a matter of choice. Personally, I believe that in a healthy relationship, the sex is as varied as the moods of the people sharing it.
There are times for slow, passionate love-making and there are times for a quickie and there are time... (read in full...)
How can I cope with putting my cat down? She's like a part of the family.
Q. I know this probably isn't about relationships per se... It's about my cat. In my family, we just adore her! She's been with us for 9 years, almost 10, almost half of my life (I'm turning 20 in a few months)... Well, she's old now. And she's...
A. 14 July 2008: Those that have pets and know unconditional love understand your torment. It is not crazy to love your cat.
I had to put one of my dogs down a couple of months ago. She would have been twelve years old on October 30th of this year. It was not ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems genuine but I have a very hard time trusting
Q. I think I have some serious trust issues. My boyfriend and I have only been together for a month and a half, but we were very very close friends before that. I'm concerned if he is genuine or not. All the signs that he means what he says...
A. 14 July 2008: It's understandable why anyone that has been in a failed relationship would have trust issues ... I think it might be one of those things that we all have to deal with.
Everything you said sounds right and good and normal. You are aware of your ... (read in full...)
I want answers from real women about parenthood!
Q. Hey girls( andblokes without sonding too sexixt)! I'm in a dilemma at this point in my life. You see, I really think that I might want a baby. Im 26, have a great career(well okay career- I'm a family planning nurse-the irony!), loving partner, ...
A. 12 July 2008: Do some traveling. After you've seen some of the world, you may be satisfied enough to move on to some other priorities on your bucket list.
As for saving money to have kids ... well, go ahead and try. Something always happens and you have to ... (read in full...)
I feel like wrecking my family could be the worst thing I could possibly do but I cannot force myself to fall back in love with my husband.
Q. To make a long story short, I feel like I got married too young and for the wrong reasons. Today after several years of marriage and 2 small kids, I feel the man I married isn't the man he used to be after he seriously betrayed my trust. I know I am ...
A. 11 July 2008: you can never put your feelings back where they used to be
but maybe
the two of you can heal and grow stronger, and move forward in your relationship, and have your feelings be something even more powerful and loving
My marriage is over. ... (read in full...)
He played with my emotions for too long, so why do I still feel like he's 'the one that got away'?
Q. I had a FWB relationship with a guy that turned out to get very complicated. Our timing was never right and although we had feelings for each other we never got our relationship under control. I feel like at different times we truly loved each other ...
A. 11 July 2008: maybe you are confusing the drama, the highs and lows you felt in association with him, with *true* love and passion
the other day, I read that we never tire of what we cannot truly have ... and that is part of the seduction
I don't think your... (read in full...)
I think I'm gay, but I don't want to be!
Q. im a 16 year old boy who want to be a straight normal boy. But i believe im gay. i look at gay porn alot and i like it i masterbate on them all the time. my penis becomes hard when i look at it. i try all the time to start masterbating on women but ...
A. 10 July 2008: whew, baby! take a breath and exhale ...
first of all, do you realize that so many of us have fantasies that fuel masturbation ... but we sure as hell don't want them to come true? part of the reason that fantasies make us horny is because ... (read in full...)
I'm 25 and a virgin... But I want to lose my virginity to another virgin.
Q. I'm a 25 yr old male and I'm a virgin. I'm horribly shy towards women but on top of it all I want another virgin. It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack to find a virgin that I even like. I only have a certin taste and if it's anything less ...
A. 10 July 2008: wow
hmmm ... okay
you think this is about your terminal virginity but I'd say that it's much more than that
I think you have shown yourself to be quite rigid and inflexible which makes you rather undesirable.
I think you want the em... (read in full...)
Her desire for sex has cooled. How can I rekindle it?
Q. Ok heres the deal! My girlfreind and I are bolth the same age and have been together for almost 5 years now. The begining of our relationship was awsome sex sex sex,anywhere anytime anyplace. Auviously it has slowed down but the past year has came ...
A. 10 July 2008: Often times when a woman loses interest in sex it is because she feels like the 'sharing' is gone and her body is being used for his orgasm.
What does she need to feel loved? The answer is different for everyone. Do you care about her thoughts... (read in full...)
My boyfriend fell out of love with me and we broke up. Now a new guy likes me but my ex keeps calling!
Q. I am very confused. I have an ex-boyfriend that is a great guy and I really loved him. The only thing that went wrong with our relationship is that he simply fell out of love with me. (No real reason there wasn't another girl, nor was it a job ...
A. 10 July 2008: You need to be alone for awhile. ... (read in full...)
Why would a guy have sex with a girl and not want her to be his girlfriend?
Q. If a guy doesn't want a girl to be his girlfriend but still wants to have sex with her, does that mean that shes ugly or doesnt have a good personality?...
A. 3 July 2008: he is what is known as a 'user'
stay far away from him unless you want to be treated like a piece of tissue on the bottom of his shoe
don't think for a second that your love will turn him around because he's not looking for love ... he's lo... (read in full...)
Cheating - and yet there is love. Which is worse: with them or without them?
Q. You love someone,yet there is proof of cyber sexing,texting,astrology love match which isnt your sign,lies etc,anger if you stumble upon and question. Dating sites,basicaly everything except caught in the act. In the meantime you are accused of ...
A. 1 July 2008: that's not love ...
what you have described is addiction ... to the relationship or the person, but it is not love
if it was truly love, you would not give up your self respect and self love, you would be able to meet your needs and have t... (read in full...)
We are ready to work at our relationship. Why then do I keep fantasizing about the guy at work I cheated with?
Q. I cheated on my bf with a guy from work. We broke up because we had so many problems but then he showed me significant changes that made me want to be with him again. We talked some things over yesterday and I wanted a fresh start so I told him abou...
A. 30 June 2008: Why does a girl want "the bad boy"? Because something in her is not ready to settle down. Water seeks it's own level, which is to say that we are drawn to people at the same level of dysfunction as ourselves. Emotionally healthy people repel ... (read in full...)
How should I feel about my boyfriend looking at photos of naked women?
Q. How should I feel about my boyfriend looking at photos of naked women? At the moment, I feel like a) I'm not good enough for him and b) upset that he'd even want to look at these I need advice, please....
A. 26 June 2008: The question is not how should you feel, but how DO you feel.
People are going to tell you that he's a man and needs visual stimulation. *shoulder shrug*
Have you told him what you told us? If not, why not?
If so, what did he say?
No o... (read in full...)
Can't cope with his colourful ex girl/boyfriend!
Q. i am in a new relationship.my dude and i have been together for 2 months and he just revealed to me that he was with a transexual. im so very disgusted and i cant even look at him in the face anymore. should i try to get pass it becus it was in his ...
A. 25 June 2008: I thought you meant that he slept with a woman that used to be a man. That would be sleeping with a transsexual, I think.
Sleeping with another man that wants to be a woman (but does not have the parts to be a woman) would be gay ... I think ..... (read in full...)
Can't cope with his colourful ex girl/boyfriend!
Q. i am in a new relationship.my dude and i have been together for 2 months and he just revealed to me that he was with a transexual. im so very disgusted and i cant even look at him in the face anymore. should i try to get pass it becus it was in his ...
A. 19 June 2008: this is about your values ...
do you know why you are so disgusted? is it because you consider this one step away from homosexuality and it freaks you out that your boyfriend was "one degree" away from that?
examine yourself ... I am not sug... (read in full...)
Would I be a bad person if I left my gf due to her past...it makes me cringe to think about it...
Q. What should I do about my gf's past? I think about it every single day, multiple times a day, the closer and more I feel for her the more intense this problem becomes. She has been very promiscuous, sleeping with around 20 people of which most all ...
A. 17 June 2008: Lots of good points in the other posts, so I won't repeat them. I did see an interesting T-shirt the other day and it applies here ...
every Saint has a past
every Sinner has a future
Create your peace... (read in full...)
Disillusioned with men!!
Q. I thought men were honest and meant what they say. but why do I always find that along the way, that it was all a lie? Did they mean what they said? or just wanted something from me?...
A. 14 June 2008: Some men, like some women, have an agenda ... and will lie or do other revolting things to get what they want.
Please do not throw the same blanket over all men. Take a look at your girlfriends ... if you're honest, you know that some of them are... (read in full...)
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