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*unty Babbit agony aunt

*unty Babbit

United Kingdom  (Female   XML/RSS

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*unty Babbit's profile:

I was a nurse and midwife for 20 years, I am a mother of 2 children and have a stepchild. All are now adults OMG!

I am very happily married, second time round.

My husband has suffered depression (not caused by me lol) and we have luckily come through that.

I have often mediated for friends during breakups and am regularly asked for advice on all things in general.

I have a lot of friends and when I'm not working (in bereavement)I write my own books of poetry for children and illustrate them as well

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I'm finding it very hard to deal with an unplanned pregnancy. Counselling service didn't help at all, and my fiancé's mother is overbearing.

Q.   I found out I'm pregnant and it's unplanned. My fiancé is happy. I tried to go to counseling to a major clinic. All their contacts were on holiday, except one, who had the audacity to charge me $300 to tell me he couldn't help me! Should I complain? ...

A.   21 September 2013: Following your update, I can understand why your fiancé is so happy about this baby (and his parents too for that matter). Unless you know you NEVER want children I would look at this baby as a very special gift. If you don't want the child t... (read in full...)

What do you guys think of my situation?

Q.   [Mod note: this written by a male OP in the voice of his female girlfriend.] I love my mother dearly, but recently she has been getting on my nerves. I'm 33 and am starting to get free of my seizures, but she won't really loosen up and treat me like ...

A.   12 September 2013: Why are you not asking your brothers directly to help you out? You say you want to be treated like an adult but you behave like a child! I'm sorry to be harsh but it's true. Your brothers are out working and you're home all day. You resent ... (read in full...)

I've changed so much since I had an abortion!

Q.   I had an abortion last year march (please do not jugde me). It was a tough decision. As my boyfriend and I came from a strict family, besides I have just ended by diploma, I was jobless and my boyfriend was in the army serving the nation. There was ...

A.   12 September 2013: Your fiancé's attitude isn't wrong and it's not that he doesn't care about you and love you. You have depression and unless you seek help, it will systematically destroy you and your relationship. Please go and see your GP immediately and ... (read in full...)

I've changed so much since I had an abortion!

Q.   I had an abortion last year march (please do not jugde me). It was a tough decision. As my boyfriend and I came from a strict family, besides I have just ended by diploma, I was jobless and my boyfriend was in the army serving the nation. There was ...

A.   11 September 2013: I'm not going to judge you, you made a brave decision that was right for you at that time. I have supported many women through termination and I think you have unresolved guilt about your termination. They should have offered you counsell... (read in full...)

What do guys like during foreplay?

Q.   I have a q: when in bed with a guy, during foreplay, as a woman what kind of things do you do to him (if you're not really into oral sex!), and for the guy what kind of things do you like? Being a woman, I know the kind of things to expect from a...

A.   11 September 2013: Do you have long nails? If so paint them beautifully and then lightly graze your fingertips up and down his inner thighs very, very slowly just stopping short of the all important area and repeat the teasing. Eventually reward him by using your ... (read in full...)

Should I pay?

Q.   So I am Back into the dating scene after I took some time off from my last relationship to recover so I went to online dating to try to find someone since I have a busy schedule. I connected with this guy and he asked me to go out for a drink so 1st ...

A.   11 September 2013: It's so hard isn't it? I think the safest way forward is to go "Dutch" as we Brits say. Basically each of you pays for yourself. If a guy offers to pay for a meal, that's lovely, but that doesn't mean you're beholden to pay for the drinks or anyth... (read in full...)

Is it silly of me to be upset because he said he'd text me right back but 12 hours later he didn't but was on facebook making comments?

Q.   I am feeling quite angry right now and I don't know if I am over reacting. My bf and I have been together almost 3 yrs we are both middle-aged, me divorced and him never married no kids. He is slow in terms of moving the relationship forward too ...

A.   11 September 2013: I think that maybe he just forget to text you back but I must agree it's rude to forget your partner over internet friends. That said, you clearly have issues about the amount of time he spends on Facebook and the people he talks to whilst o... (read in full...)

How can you just not care if your partner had orgazm or not

Q.   I am in my early thirties, met a guy in his late 30s. Went on a date several times and we had sex. It was so lousy that I am not sure that i want to see him again. I would understand if it was someone young and inexperienced, but he was married, now ...

A.   11 September 2013: That night was a real shame wasn't it? Well as I see it, if none of his partners has shown him what to do and he's never watched any porn, then he won't have a clue what turns a woman on! There are two choices as I see it. Dump him and fi... (read in full...)

Should I bother going on a fourth date with him?

Q.   So I met this guy in a dating site and I have been ion three dates with him. A little background about me- I was in an abusive five year relationship and I left and it's been three years but the scars are still there - I am finally ready to date and ...

A.   11 September 2013: Firstly, well done for being so strong and leaving your last relationship. In regards to your current situation I think you both want different things. He's recently out of a relationship and clearly enjoys dating but equally likes going out ... (read in full...)

Body dysmorphic disorder

Q.   So my problem is I am ugly....I have spent lots of money on therapy for BDD (Body dysmorphic disorder), but it just seems that a duck is a duck. I am ugly and that's that, but I feel like I'm gorgeous. So I'm a duck that thinks its a swan...any ...

A.   11 September 2013: No one should worry about being a cat walk model but the things your talking about can be remedied, although I'm an advocate for people being who they are. A brace would fix your teeth, so go see an orthodontist. A dazzling smile can do so much ... (read in full...)

I want to make friends and become more comfortable in social situations, any advice?

Q.   I am the individual with Asperger's Syndrome who asked these questions: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/where-do-i-meet-these-particular-types-of.html ttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-become-better-at-dating.html As for the part abou...

A.   10 September 2013: I understand Asperger's very well as my eldest son has it. As you will obviously understand Asperger's is a higher spectrum autistic disorder. Aspies (as my son likes to call himself and others with the condition) are usually very academic... (read in full...)

OCD with temper issues...is this a relationship worth saving?

Q.   im in a new relationship with someone who has a past of abuse from an ex, she also has ocd quite bad with a short temper but refuses to get help as she says shes okay. shes now asked me to come off a social network site that i only use to contact ...

A.   9 September 2013: With OCD, a short temper and a history of abuse this lady needs professional help. This relationship will damage you too unless she gets help. First I think you need to decide if she's really the one for you. If you believe she is then I think ... (read in full...)

Body dysmorphic disorder

Q.   So my problem is I am ugly....I have spent lots of money on therapy for BDD (Body dysmorphic disorder), but it just seems that a duck is a duck. I am ugly and that's that, but I feel like I'm gorgeous. So I'm a duck that thinks its a swan...any ...

A.   9 September 2013: I'm sorry but I can't see the problem. I'm no expert in this but you say you're ugly and think you're beautiful? That's fabulous! What a shame you can't bottle that. There are people out there who pay good money to therapists because they'... (read in full...)

Why do I still feel angry at my boyfriend for events that occurred in the past?

Q.   Hi everyone. I would like to know if it is normal to still be angry with my boyfriend. We have been together for 4 years, we don't live together but spend time at each other's homes. We have had a lot of problems, at one time it was him drinking to ...

A.   9 September 2013: Your feelings are very normal, you're boyfriend put you through a hell of time and you had to hold everything together AND support him. Now that he's recovering you frightened and that's understandable too. It takes a long time to regain trust. ... (read in full...)

A one-night stand resulted in a pregnancy and the entire situation has just wrecked my relationship! What do I do now?

Q.   Dear cupid me and my ex have been through some hard times in the past few years and it was my fault for not putting enough into the relationship. We split in march and in june I had a one night stand as I thought I could not get her back due to my ...

A.   9 September 2013: All I can suggest is that you write her a letter with pen and paper. Old fashioned, I know, but it shows thought and consideration and gives you a platform to say what you really want too, clearly and sensibly. Tell her the absolute truth and expl... (read in full...)

Maybe a bit of anger would help me stick up for myself?

Q.   This might sound like a weird question but I feel like I CANT get mad at my boyfriend. We will get in fights and he will have done something where I will be mad at first but then throughout the fight he somehow convinces me that I am in the wrong. ...

A.   9 September 2013: First you were angry because of what he did and he turned it on you and made you feel bad. Now you feel sad all the time and avoid your true feelings for fear of being put down and ignored. All relationships have the odd row and disagree... (read in full...)

How do I tell new guy that I need to be single, and how do I get over my ex?

Q.   I just had my first boyfriend and I'm almost positive that I'm in love with him, but we broke up two weeks ago. I just got to college and I was thinking to get over him I needed a rebound, so I started hanging out with this guy and we've made out. ...

A.   8 September 2013: Bless you, 2 weeks is absolutely no time at all when trying to get over a breakup (unless of course it was your idea because you'd had enough). Especially as you feel this guy may have been your first love. Rebounding is never a good idea. It... (read in full...)

He's 14 years younger than me, is it possible that he might like me?

Q.   I need your advice! I am a 46 year old single woman and work with a 33 year old guy. He is nice and kind and helpful and flirtatious towards me. He is always ready to help. Although I am 46 but I look less ( I guess) specially my body looks very in ...

A.   8 September 2013: Do you know anything about him? Does he have a girlfriend because if he does this is a moot point because he's just flirting. This sounds like a workplace flirtation to me. Of course there could be a possibility that he might "fancy" you. ... (read in full...)

What do you guys think of my situation?

Q.   [Mod note: this written by a male OP in the voice of his female girlfriend.] I love my mother dearly, but recently she has been getting on my nerves. I'm 33 and am starting to get free of my seizures, but she won't really loosen up and treat me like ...

A.   8 September 2013: Your mother does indeed seem controlling and over protective but in her defence when you have a child with a potentially life threatening condition and you have spent your life ensuring their safety it's very hard to change your behaviour. That ... (read in full...)

Can I trust a marriage counsellor to keep my confidentiality or will s/he tell my wife everything I say?

Q.   My wife and I have been going through a rough patch lately. I think we need to see a therapist, counselor, or psychologist. I am not sure if the rules regarding confidentiality are different for each, but I am wondering if what I say will ultimately ...

A.   8 September 2013: Usually in marriage counselling the couple are counselled together but sometimes the therapist may feel that both partners need some individual guidance. In these circumstances a "no secrets" policy is usually agreed by all parties involved... (read in full...)

Why am I not into him? What is wrong with me?

Q.   Hi everyone, I desperately need some advise.. I am a 30 year old woman who is living abroad. 1 month ago I met a very nice, well spoken, smart and attractive man. This guy treats me very well, he seems genuinely interested in me and I find him extr...

A.   7 September 2013: Well it's safe to say if you haven't had the "phwoar" factor by now you're not going too. In response to your question should you break up, that's up to you. Are you happy to stay in a relationship where there is no passion for you? You can'... (read in full...)

Can I assume every guy going to a gay bar is gay?

Q.   I'm 26, and have recently tried to go to a gay bar alone, but don't spend too long there, because I'm not very confident going there, but I suppose it's the only real way to meet other gay people in my semi-rural area. Where I live there isn't much ...

A.   7 September 2013: No you can't assume all the men in a gay bar are gay. You say this guy seems very similar to you, well you say you don't feel very confident going there and this guy comes across as being a bit inhibited. Maybe he's new to this scene too, maybe... (read in full...)

I'm finding it very hard to deal with an unplanned pregnancy. Counselling service didn't help at all, and my fiancé's mother is overbearing.

Q.   I found out I'm pregnant and it's unplanned. My fiancé is happy. I tried to go to counseling to a major clinic. All their contacts were on holiday, except one, who had the audacity to charge me $300 to tell me he couldn't help me! Should I complain? ...

A.   7 September 2013: If you've paid for a service and did not receive that service then you should complain. Was he really unable to help you? Counsellors are not supposed to tell us what to do, they are supposed to let us know what options are available, and then sup... (read in full...)

How can I help my friend? His girlfriend's family don't accept him!

Q.   My friend's 19, and he's told me he's started dating this Indian girl who's lovely. I'm happy for him, however, it's the reaction of her parents that worries him (she's Muslim but not by choice). She does not want to be Muslim, she is not at al...

A.   6 September 2013: I've really had to think about this one. What a difficult situation for everyone involved. Her parents will not only have their religious beliefs but their cultural ones too. Their daughter, your friends girlfriend, clearly has her own ideas ab... (read in full...)

Does "trauma bonding" ever go away?

Q.   I left an emotional and physically abusive relationship, but still i am experiencing "trauma bonding" I moved to another town so he wouldn't find me, so i never see him Does the trauma bonding ever stop? Please advice on how to cope......

A.   6 September 2013: You can overcome trauma bonding but it usually requires counselling. You've made a brave step and it was very sensible to move away but the trauma bond will be making you feel a need to return. Better the devil you know and all that. Hang on... (read in full...)

What should I prepare for when visting an escort for the first time?

Q.   I'm 27 years old and a virgin, and I always thought about waiting for the right girl that I liked or was into me, however I just grew impatient. I'm shy, I don't feel comfortable in myself so I feel that I'm not any girls type and not attractive to ...

A.   6 September 2013: You're clearly a man who thinks about things. I think that going to a prostitute would leave you feeling terrible the next day. Ok so you will no longer be a virgin, big whoop! Who's going to know? Will it change who you are and how you perc... (read in full...)

Is this a form of verbal abuse or am I being overeactive?

Q.   So, I was discussing with my boyfriend how a woman got rescued from being kidnapped. I then proceeded to make a comment that one always needs to be aware of ones surroundings. My boyfriend turned to me and said "No one would kidnap you." I ...

A.   6 September 2013: Sorry but I think you're being a little over sensitive. I think he only meant it as a joke but obviously if you have a history of being put down and called names then you will automatically be defensive. My first husband was a tactless oaf and... (read in full...)

Why do I make women bleed?

Q.   Hello, the past 2 girls I have had sex with have bled after the intercourse was over while they weren't on their period. It didnt happen everytime we had sex but it did happen the 2nd or 3rd time. This has also happened a few times in the past and ...

A.   6 September 2013: You're being too rough. The vaginal walls are comprised of a delicate mucous membrane and can be bruised and damaged easily. The vaginal canal is between 7cm to 9cm long when un-aroused but actually expands when sexually aroused so your ... (read in full...)

He goes to strip clubs and told me I'm not as sexually attractive to him as I was 14 years and 2 of our children ago!

Q.   I don’t know what to do anymore. I have been married for 10 years to my husband, we dated for about 2 years before that and we have two children together ( almost 8 and 4 years old) (he also has two from a previous marriage). I just recently found ...

A.   6 September 2013: It sounds to me like your husband is going through some kind of mid life crisis. What an unkind thing to say to you, I'm sure he's not as 'fit' as he once was! The girls that work in these strip clubs are only interested in the money he's stuff... (read in full...)

This guy I have spoken to online is already pressuring me to do things

Q.   I recently had a conversation with a guy online and he kept asking me for my email address and I told him that we just started chatting. The other guys get mad if you don't have Yahoo messenger or Skype. I'm tired of these guys getting mad at me an...

A.   5 September 2013: You don't know this guy, you don't know anything about him. It doesn't matter what he's told you, it was over the internet he could be absolutely anyone. You've just met and he's pressurising you for actual e-mail addresses but not keen for you... (read in full...)

I don't like him teasing me about private stuff

Q.   Hey everyone, I'm a very shy person and this is my first real relationship.. My boyfriend and I are in LDR now,sometimes actually most of the times my boyfriend talks abt what I did,or how I moan or what I say when he does things to me! And then ...

A.   5 September 2013: Many people in a LDR enjoy intimacy over the phone as they can't be together. I don't think he means to be insensitive I think it just gives him pleasure to remind you of how good you are together and he wants to relive it with you. Honeypi... (read in full...)

How can I tell if she is having an orgasm or not?

Q.   I don't know when my girlfriend orgasms. right now all i can do is trust her but i would like to know if she orgasms for real or if she is faking it. When she tells me she orgasms i can't feel her contracting even if i use my fingers. only until ...

A.   5 September 2013: The experience of an orgasm is different for each woman and can be different each time. What works for a woman one day (to achieve orgasm) may not work the next. There's is no absolutely sure fire way of knowing whether your partner is havin... (read in full...)

I want to have children with a man who is experiencing it for the first time too

Q.   I recently met a lovely man off a dating site. We chatted for around two months online before we met, and we've been dating for around five months. He's a little older than me, I'm 24 and he's 32 but the age gap doesn't bother either of us....

A.   5 September 2013: When you have a child that child MUST come before everything else. You may feel a bit pushed out when his time is devoted to his child but you have to accept this. If it ever came to a choice between you and his son, his son would win hands do... (read in full...)

She enjoys sex, so why not more often?

Q.   Hi all This is going to be a long post, props to those who take the time to read it. :) Me and my gf have been together for 18 months now. We had our ups and downs, as most couples, for the most part we solved our issies, but there is one pro...

A.   5 September 2013: All the antibiotics are certainly the reason for the recurring yeast infection. Taking Vitamin B12 and Vitamin B6 tablets whilst on antibiotics can help considerably in maintaining normal gut flora, so can drinking a probiotic drink each day. ... (read in full...)

Dating a man who treats me right but who I dont' find attractive enough. Help!

Q.   I know this is shallow but I can only get myself to put in an effort with a guy if I find him good looking.. I'm in a relationship with this guy for 4 months,I don't find him all that attractive, he's a pretty decent looking guy but when women co...

A.   5 September 2013: We're all attracted to different people. If your friends think he's cute they can date him. You don't have to have sex with someone to know that you have chemistry. If after kissing for 8 hours straight you're not gagging to have sex with... (read in full...)

She enjoys sex, so why not more often?

Q.   Hi all This is going to be a long post, props to those who take the time to read it. :) Me and my gf have been together for 18 months now. We had our ups and downs, as most couples, for the most part we solved our issies, but there is one pro...

A.   5 September 2013: Are you sure she has a yeast infection? Has she seen a doctor? Yeast infections are not always easily treated and, due to an imbalance of healthy bacteria in the bowel and vaginal canal changing the vaginal Ph (acidity),they can recur in some wom... (read in full...)

I have alopecia, and wear a wig!

Q.   I am recently single after a rocky four year relationship and I wanted some advice about getting back into dating again. The break-up hit me quite hard, although I know it was for the best as things had just gone downhill and neither of us co...

A.   4 September 2013: WiseOwlE has pretty much said everything I was going to say and I agree, shave it all off, if you can, none looks better than some. Sigourney Weaver, Sinead O'Connor, Jessie J and Britney Spears are all beautiful women that looked fabulous... (read in full...)

I know very little about post menopause!

Q.   I'm in my late forties, and recently I have been seeing a very nice woman in her mid fifties. We haven't slept together, but the relationship looks like it's heading towards that level of intimacy (I hope!). I assume that given her age she is proba...

A.   4 September 2013: Thank you So Very Confused who has brought (very sweetly to my attention) that I have misread your lady friends age. My advice on menopause still stands though and I still think you're a very considerate partner :) AB x... (read in full...)

Dating a man who treats me right but who I dont' find attractive enough. Help!

Q.   I know this is shallow but I can only get myself to put in an effort with a guy if I find him good looking.. I'm in a relationship with this guy for 4 months,I don't find him all that attractive, he's a pretty decent looking guy but when women co...

A.   4 September 2013: It's not shallow because you gave him a chance and haven't judged him by his looks. If it's not working, it's not working regardless of the reason. This guy could be drop dead gorgeous and treat you right but that still doesn't mean you will "c... (read in full...)

Happily married men: when did you know you wanted your wife to be your wife?

Q.   Question for the happily married men out there : when did you know your wife was "the one?". Did she have to push you to take the next step - or did you ask her? (whether it be moving in, marriage, or baby) I brought up the "next step" (moving ...

A.   4 September 2013: I think that 7 months is too soon to be making that sort of decision about your future together but I agree with Aunty So Very Confused that your b/f's time frame of a year is strange. You can know how you feel at any given moment but how do you k... (read in full...)

Boyfriend wants to go on holiday with his mate and 2 female friends... without me. Am I wrong to feel this is inappropriate?

Q.   Hi, just a quick question as I am really in need of others' opinions. My boyfriend recently asked me how I would feel about him going on a holiday for a week with one of his male friends and two female friends. Is this inappropriate for someone in a ...

A.   4 September 2013: How come after 3 1/2 years together you're not invited? I agree with Uncle Sageoldguy, your boyfriend is trying to get you to agree to him having a holiday fling! Even if the girls are lesbians and a "couple" it seems strange that your boyfri... (read in full...)

I know very little about post menopause!

Q.   I'm in my late forties, and recently I have been seeing a very nice woman in her mid fifties. We haven't slept together, but the relationship looks like it's heading towards that level of intimacy (I hope!). I assume that given her age she is proba...

A.   4 September 2013: Ouch! I'm 42! I'm not post menopausal but having spent 20 years as a midwife and women's health expert I feel I'm pretty qualified to answer your question. Menopause varies greatly from woman to woman. Most women go through menopause after 50... (read in full...)

My ex partner expects everything from me ....

Q.   I can't take this, me and my ex have a baby together. He won't move out of my house I met someone new and we were hanging out one thing lead to another. Now my ex is telling me he has rights and he will make my life extremely difficult if I d...

A.   4 September 2013: Sweetheart, this is domestic violence (even if he hasn't hit you. We all have rights but he doesn't have the right to intimidate you, tell you what to do, take your phone and prevent you calling and texting friends. He is threatening and ... (read in full...)

Friend from childhood resurfaced. He's married and we started an affair. How can I end it?

Q.   I'm a separated mom of 3 girls. In early May of this year, my childhood friend started coming around me and my kids. At first it was just casual visits and then he started making advances which I was totally against. I made it clear to him that we ...

A.   3 September 2013: He is the one cheating on his wife and what is worse is that he married her whilst being "in love" with someone else! You're not setting a fabulous example to your girls seeing a married man regardless of the circumstances. However, I th... (read in full...)

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