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*unty Babbit agony aunt

*unty Babbit

United Kingdom  (Female   XML/RSS

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*unty Babbit's profile:

I was a nurse and midwife for 20 years, I am a mother of 2 children and have a stepchild. All are now adults OMG!

I am very happily married, second time round.

My husband has suffered depression (not caused by me lol) and we have luckily come through that.

I have often mediated for friends during breakups and am regularly asked for advice on all things in general.

I have a lot of friends and when I'm not working (in bereavement)I write my own books of poetry for children and illustrate them as well

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I ruined his birthday, but is it justified because his friendship with his ex was out of line.

Q.   I'm talking to this guy and every now and then he goes and hangs out with his ex girlfriend. He knows that I don't like it at all because when hes with her I tell him not to speak to me. He tells me that hes sorry and hes trying to end things on a ...

A.   22 September 2013: I can't agree with Aunty chigirl I'm afraid. Even if the OP is young, she's asking for our opinion and in my opinion she has overreacted. Yes they may be young but if this guy fancies her and was maybe considering her as his girlfriend he'll... (read in full...)

URGENT adivce: is this too weird or should I just leave it?

Q.   So the story, I need your honest opinion- I know its long, but you need to understand the context if it all. We're in our mid 20s and have been studying together for the last year and a half. We're not friends but we're friendly- we have done gro...

A.   22 September 2013: Don't give him your number until he's replied. To get your number he must read the message and he'll then reply by the same method I'm guessing. If he replies that he would like to meet for a drink then by all means send him your number so you c... (read in full...)

He would make plans with me, then disappear and turn off his cell.

Q.   hello I have a guy friend.he met me once. he would always make plans with me. but he wouldnt turn up on the day we make plans. Its always he who makes the plans. but finally when i call him on the day he made the plan his cell is off. goes direct...

A.   21 September 2013: You say he keeps doing this yet you keep going back for more! Why? If he was shy then he would probably text or phone you and make some excuse to cancel the meet but he hasn't done this. He's playing a cruel game and is being completely disre... (read in full...)

What's a good way to bring up the topic of living together?

Q.   How can I talk to my boyfriend about wanting to get a place together? We both currently live with our parents but spend a lot of time together. We have been together for almost 8 months an have known each other since childhood. I want us to get a ...

A.   21 September 2013: You need to learn to talk to each other if you want to live together. Why not, when you guys are alone, say something like "wouldn't it be nice if we could be alone more often?" if this is met with affirmation and approval then follow with "Ma... (read in full...)

I ruined his birthday, but is it justified because his friendship with his ex was out of line.

Q.   I'm talking to this guy and every now and then he goes and hangs out with his ex girlfriend. He knows that I don't like it at all because when hes with her I tell him not to speak to me. He tells me that hes sorry and hes trying to end things on a ...

A.   21 September 2013: Yes, you probably have ruined his birthday and what for? He's friends with his ex, you already admit there's nothing going on between them as she's moved on, and I think it's nice that they can still be mates. Your letter makes it sound as if h... (read in full...)

I want to lose my virginity but neither have a good place for it.

Q.   I am about 17 years old and i have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. I feel like i am ready to have sex with him but i haven't discussed it with him. I feel scared that if he says no that things will become uncomfortable between us and ...

A.   21 September 2013: I know this is difficult for you, but if you can't discuss this with your boyfriend then maybe the relationship isn't at "that" stage yet. Before you worry about where you must make sure that you have both talked through contraception choices ... (read in full...)

URGENT adivce: is this too weird or should I just leave it?

Q.   So the story, I need your honest opinion- I know its long, but you need to understand the context if it all. We're in our mid 20s and have been studying together for the last year and a half. We're not friends but we're friendly- we have done gro...

A.   21 September 2013: You've got to stop hinting, you've got nothing to lose. Just say Hi and then tell him that you were going to ask him if he'd like to get a coffee (whatever) with you the other day, but didn't get a chance too. Then tell him that you think h... (read in full...)

Do I pursue this girl who has a boyfriend living faraway?

Q.   So there's this girl... She's 17 about to turn 18 and I'm 21...not that this is an age related question, I just thought I'd throw that info in. We went to school together but we never really talked, she was shy then. We started talking like two week...

A.   21 September 2013: No, you don't help destroy a relationship, ever! What you do is talk to her about how you feel about her and ask her how she feels. If she feels the same then you tell her that you can't do anything about starting a relationship unt... (read in full...)

Is this a good idea to ask out a girl to homecoming?

Q.   Homecoming is just around the corner and I've been trying to figure out how I want to ask my girl. At my school you can simply just ask. It's got to be done is some special way. The girl I want to ask is a really good softball player and practices ...

A.   21 September 2013: If she's your girl and you know she's going to say yes then there it little risk of a knock back. It sounds lovely, just be as romantic as you can, girls love that. The flowers sound lovely and so does the softball theme (she can keep that to... (read in full...)

How do I act around my ex? I still love him.

Q.   My ex boyfriend and I broke up after a fight and mostly because he said that I have jealousy problem and feelings are in the middle. Both of us cried during the breakup. We had minimal contact . After 2 months, we met up and ended up having sex. I ...

A.   21 September 2013: There's very little info to go on here. Do you have jealousy issues? Do you check up on him all the time, asking where he's been, who's he's with etc? If you do then you must work on them, get some help to understand why you have those issue... (read in full...)

Why do guys like to do this in sex?

Q.   I am in a relationship with a guy for 6 months now. When we make love I am very satisfied however he enjoys masturbating onto my face or into my mouth. I just don't get it. Why do guys think this is so great?...

A.   21 September 2013: Men are visual creatures sexually and many of them enjoy doing this because they find it a stimulating thing to watch. CaringGuy is right though, it doesn't matter what the sexual activity is, if you don't like it you shouldn't do it. The oth... (read in full...)

I'm finding it very hard to deal with an unplanned pregnancy. Counselling service didn't help at all, and my fiancé's mother is overbearing.

Q.   I found out I'm pregnant and it's unplanned. My fiancé is happy. I tried to go to counseling to a major clinic. All their contacts were on holiday, except one, who had the audacity to charge me $300 to tell me he couldn't help me! Should I complain? ...

A.   21 September 2013: Following your update, I can understand why your fiancé is so happy about this baby (and his parents too for that matter). Unless you know you NEVER want children I would look at this baby as a very special gift. If you don't want the child t... (read in full...)

Is it normal for people to check up on their exes on Facebook?

Q.   I was wondering, is it normal for people to Facebook stalk their exes? I've recently caught my boyfriend looking up his ex a few times, just looking at her photos and stuff. This bothers me, but I have a feeling it's pretty normal behavior. I ...

A.   21 September 2013: I feel for you. He's in a relationship with you and has been for a year and half yet still checks up on and instigates chats with his ex! Why? Have you asked him? There is absolutely no reason, in my opinion, for him do this unless he's stil... (read in full...)

I know he loves,me he treats me like gold but I don't know how I can ever believe that he loves my physical appearance...

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together about 8 months now. We take each other seriously and are exclusive. I sent a couple of sexy pics for him here and there to make him happy while at work and he wrote responses like "wow...dont be upset if I'm not ...

A.   21 September 2013: Loads of guys use porn pics to "jerk off" too. It means nothing. I agree with SVC that he's probably deleting your pics out respect for you, maybe in case his mates should accidently see them perhaps. If he didn't fancy you, trust me he woul... (read in full...)

How Do I Keep the Upper Hand Whilst Trying to Reconcile With My Ex

Q.   I am trying to navigate the waters of reconciliation with my ex of 2.5 years. It's been really frustrating for me because he sends a lot of mixed messages and does push/pull a lot. I have a gut feeling that he still loves me but he's afraid of a ...

A.   21 September 2013: You will clearly have issues based on how you've been treated (and rightly so) but if you're going to reconcile that can only happen once you've both really talked through the problems that occurred and what happened to cause them. Apologies and ... (read in full...)

URGENT adivce: is this too weird or should I just leave it?

Q.   So the story, I need your honest opinion- I know its long, but you need to understand the context if it all. We're in our mid 20s and have been studying together for the last year and a half. We're not friends but we're friendly- we have done gro...

A.   21 September 2013: What have you got to lose? Message him privately on Facebook and be clear. Tell him that you think he's a really nice guy and would he like to go out for a drink with you sometime. Keep it brief and casual but friendly. If he says no, you've ... (read in full...)

Should I be worried about his girl best friend?

Q.   I'm a little aggravated with my boyfriends girl best friend. So my boyfriend and his girl best friend has been friends way before we started dating. They hangout or see each other every other day or every day. She has told him she likes him but he ...

A.   20 September 2013: I think if your b/f wanted to be with her he would and he could. She has already told him that she's interested in him but he replied that he didn't feel the same way. So I think, from his point of view, no, he doesn't fancy her. She however c... (read in full...)

His toxic ex won't respect our relationship!

Q.   We've been together 3 yrs, we just got engaged recently and plan to be married soon. We both were married before for 18+ yrs. My ex is only I the picture due to our 4 kids, his ex is in the picture because she can't live without him in her life. ...

A.   17 September 2013: Intending to marry is a commitment to each other and he seems to be disregarding your feelings. Tell him straight that his ex is obviously finding it hard to be without him but that he has made a commitment to you and your happiness should c... (read in full...)

Shaking and sex??

Q.   I have a girlfriend i been dating for 2 years now. Everytime i see her and we get sexual i start to shake. Is this normal? I shake as though im cold but im not. Am i nervous? I dont understand how i could be i mean i been with her for 2 years and we ...

A.   15 September 2013: I agree with Uncle Grant occasionally this could mean that you are just very turned on but if this is every time I would seek a doctors opinion. I hope this helps AB x... (read in full...)

Why are the girls at work so unfriendly? What can I do?

Q.   Why do these girls behave this way? I hate them:(? So I got a new job a few months ago and the girls there are horrible. They are very unfriendly and don't speak to me so I don't bother with them either. They all go around saying I'm ru...

A.   15 September 2013: Sounds to me that these girls feels threatened by you. You will have done nothing to deserve their treatment of you except be clearly good at what you do and confident in who you are. Am I right? They're jealous and feel that you will probabl... (read in full...)

Is it normal after first time sex to hurt when you urinate?

Q.   Last night I lost my virginity to my Boyfriend. I'm not in love but I felt ready and it felt right we didn't plan for it to happen, it just did. The thing is it didn't hurt as much and I didn't bleed and it lasted for an hour until he came. We then ...

A.   15 September 2013: Your Vagina is designed for this activity but it hasn't ever been used for that activity before. The number of times and duration of those times are quite substantial for a first time. You won't be permanently damaged in any way but it's rea... (read in full...)

My mother thinks I should use birth control but I disagree

Q.   Well my mom saw my bf just yesterday but she has frequently heard about him and i that we dating. Today on the radio they were talking about how parents should oversee how their children behave. she brought the issue of taking birth control pills. ...

A.   15 September 2013: You say you are sexually active and very, very safe, so what contraception are you using? The pill, if used properly, will protect against pregnancy but not sexually transmitted diseases. Condoms will protect against both but are not the most rel... (read in full...)

Help me read the signs here

Q.   Hi guys, I'm rubbish at reading the signs! So any advice would be great! Met a boy on holiday about 10 weeks ago, he told me he really liked me, he lived in the same area as me, and wanted to meet up! I was in a complicated relationship at ...

A.   15 September 2013: I'm sorry but I really know as much as you! Does he know that you've split with your ex? Just because a status shows someone as on-line it doesn't mean that they're actually there. What, from his behaviour, is making you think he's stringing... (read in full...)

Due to religious differences, our friendship can go no further. Do I bring it up with her or let it remain unspoken?

Q.   OK, I am wondering if you can help me. To make it short and simple, there is this young woman at my job who I have become friends with. I like her very much, as she is very smart, reflective, and has strong values, and we have a lot in common. ...

A.   15 September 2013: If you're sincerely telling me that you cannot see each other because of your religions and that you both feel so strongly about your faiths that a relationship wouldn't work then why bother writing this letter? All you can do is draw a line under ... (read in full...)

he has a girlfriend who's gorgeous while I'm the ugly loner nerd

Q.   My crush go way back from 3rd grade and I like him I know he likes me back cause he flirts with me and won't let anyone ask out oh yeah he's part of the "cool kids" club and me a loner and nerd so basically he has a girlfriend and he was kind ...

A.   15 September 2013: If he truly cared about you he wouldn't care about your looks or how others see you. If he liked you 'that' much he would ask you to be his girlfriend and then walk proudly alongside you. The sad fact is this boy has succumbed to peer pressure... (read in full...)

How can an ugly man attract a woman for dating?

Q.   Best way of attracting interest from women with my 0/10 looks? I am 45 and have never dated or had sex and have had no opportunities to do either. I have been called ugly since the age of 14. During my 'day' of clubs, bars etc the only women who t...

A.   15 September 2013: Women love a man who listens, makes them feel beautiful, treats them like a princess and makes them laugh. We like a man to be confident in who he is and if he smells good then all the better. If you can do some of these things then you don't ne... (read in full...)

Why doesn't my ex believe me when I say I've been celibate for the past 11 years?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I am still kind of sort of fond of my ex boyfriend, it has been years since we have saw each other plans to see each other but when the time comes its always something that gets in the way. We had a conversation on the phone with eac...

A.   14 September 2013: He's your ex for reason and his current attitude certainly shows you're well out of it. Why should you care what he thinks anyway? You couldn't possibly prove it but you don't need to do you? Anyway what the hell has it got to do with him? ... (read in full...)

I just moved in with my girlfriend and there is already conflict!

Q.   Hi, Me and my gf, we moved in together 3 weeks ago. I got a new, very time-consuming job a week ago and her classes (she's a student) started at the same time. So we both come home tired, and I have to go to bed at 10 P.M. to wake up for work. ...

A.   14 September 2013: I think that you need your own space and clearly so does she. It's not reasonable for her to take her temper out on you. It can be difficult when two people move in together, it can be awkward and there has to be a period of adjustment and comp... (read in full...)

I masturbate about my colleague every night and I'm tired of it! Help!

Q.   I have a crush on someone, a coworker. He has a girlfriend. I know I have no chance in hell with him. However, no matter how hard I try, I can't get him out of my head. I've felt like this about him for the past year, and the feeling is as strong as ...

A.   14 September 2013: I think you may have focused on this colleague because, not only is he nice, good looking and all that, but he's safe because he's in a relationship you can't do anything about it. If he was available I don't think you'd be fixated like this. ... (read in full...)

Dramatic 2 years

Q.   Hello everyone, I am in a pretty sticky situation regarding an ex. We have a two year old daughter together. A few months after she was born, he met and fell in love with a stripper. It tore a wedge between us because he would put off visitation t...

A.   13 September 2013: Please read your letter to yourself. Imagine your daughter is grown up and has written it. What would you say to her? Now wake up! You are not competing with a stripper! You shouldn't be competing for him at all! She may have been a stripper ... (read in full...)

Am I being shallow? Or is my boyfriend just cheap?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year and in that time we have been in love. However.. something that I tried not to let bother me in the beginning has recently really started to get on my nerves. My boyfriend, I feel, is a huge cheaps...

A.   13 September 2013: You're not selfish, shallow or unreasonable. Ok the Christmas card and pressie thing is thoughtless but some guys are just like anyway. The other stuff, meals out, cinema etc is downright ignorant, selfish and stingy. Take action. When at ... (read in full...)

How do I learn to say no to people, especially my so called friends?

Q.   I know this is going to sound weird but I always say yes to people even if i don't want to do it. This weekend I'm going away but i don't want to. These people are supposed to be my friends but they are planning against me. They hate my boyfriend ...

A.   13 September 2013: When you're a warm, caring and sensitive person it's very hard to say no but, believe me you must learn. Firstly, these girls are NOT friends. If they were they wouldn't be so unkind to you and say such hurtful things. A true friend may not like... (read in full...)

Any cute ideas on how to ask him out?

Q.   I really like this guy who is 2 years younger (hes 15 im 17) and I think I am gonna ask him out. :) he's a total nerd and I find it stinkin adorable! Think like lenard from big bang theory (if you know the tv show) he's a lot like that. He's short ...

A.   13 September 2013: I agree with anon reader that you should just ask him rather than go too overboard. Just go for it but keep it low key and private so as not embarrass him and don't be surprised if he's a bit shy and says no, he is younger than you (and us girls... (read in full...)

My ex is taking time out to work on herself as she's severely depressed, should I wait for her or move on?

Q.   I'm super torn up about a break up. My ex girlfriend is having major mental illness issues and can't hold down a functioning relationship anymore. we had been together for over a year, and she'd always battled with severe anxiety and depression, but ...

A.   13 September 2013: If you really love her, and I think you do, then surely there is no question to be answered is there? You continue to live your life and you wait for her. Tell her you'd like to keep in touch, maybe every few weeks so that you can see how she's do... (read in full...)

Should I contact my ex? Please help!

Q.   I left my ex last January. She moved to be with me from another province 2 years ago. Things were not working, but I loved her very much. After months of still spending time with her bc she had no friends or family here, and her crying and begging, ...

A.   12 September 2013: I think your ex wanted you to see her (not the same as her wanting to see you), she's lost weight and looks good and she knows it. She clearly knows she messed up with guy she left you for and no doubt knows that you're aware of that. She's... (read in full...)

From breakup depression to gambling losses. Advice?

Q.   Exactly a year ago, I broke up with the love of my life. Our relationship was very toxic due to her very rough past. The breakup was a total devastation for both of us. She took on drugs, I was very depressed n couldnt function properly. 3 months l...

A.   12 September 2013: You need to see your Doctor and get some help for the physical symptoms of your depression. You would probably benefit from joining a group for people with gambling addiction too. All the self control in the world cannot help you work through ... (read in full...)

Does he like me or did I misinterpret his actions?

Q.   We go to the same school but we met in July in a summer camp where we stayed 2 weeks.I'm 17 he's 15.We started talking the first day and before I knew it we became close and he was constantly/a lot of the time around me.A couple of examples(all ...

A.   12 September 2013: Only one person knows the answer to this and that's him. It sounds like he likes you but I only have your opinion on his behaviour towards you compared with the other girls (and I mean that nicely) You say he asked you a couple of times about y... (read in full...)

What do you guys think of my situation?

Q.   [Mod note: this written by a male OP in the voice of his female girlfriend.] I love my mother dearly, but recently she has been getting on my nerves. I'm 33 and am starting to get free of my seizures, but she won't really loosen up and treat me like ...

A.   12 September 2013: Why are you not asking your brothers directly to help you out? You say you want to be treated like an adult but you behave like a child! I'm sorry to be harsh but it's true. Your brothers are out working and you're home all day. You resent ... (read in full...)

I've changed so much since I had an abortion!

Q.   I had an abortion last year march (please do not jugde me). It was a tough decision. As my boyfriend and I came from a strict family, besides I have just ended by diploma, I was jobless and my boyfriend was in the army serving the nation. There was ...

A.   12 September 2013: Your fiancé's attitude isn't wrong and it's not that he doesn't care about you and love you. You have depression and unless you seek help, it will systematically destroy you and your relationship. Please go and see your GP immediately and ... (read in full...)

Wasn't the sex good for her? Why did she have to start masturbating immediately after I had my orgasm?

Q.   If I slept with a girl after our 2nd date and after a 10-minute intercourse where I orgasmed, she proceeded to immediately start masturbating and even asked me to do it for her the next 20 mins. Does it mean she didn't enjoy the intercourse or ...

A.   12 September 2013: Sex is like a race, you both get hot sweaty, should both get out of breath and BOTH reach the finishing line. The only difference is that the woman takes gold and you, my dear silver. In other words, she should come first! So in answer to... (read in full...)

The spark is gone, help!

Q.   Ok so im going out with my boyfriend just over a year we moved in a month after we started dating. I love him but it feels like the spark has gone. He gets on great with my family and i get on great with his. He is very funny and we have the same ...

A.   11 September 2013: WiseOwlE is right, the stress of moving home etc is very draining and will be putting your relationship under huge strain and has pretty much covered it all :). One point, that really strikes me though, is that, unlike when you first got together... (read in full...)

How to tell my sister the disturbing news about her husband that he is player?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I need your advice. I had disturbing news about my younger brother-in-law from a friend who works at the same place and I try to digest it. She says that he is a player and emotional seeker. According to her, she plays games to lead the...

A.   11 September 2013: I know this is a really difficult decision for you but to be honest this is just gossip at the moment. You know absolutely nothing for sure and could potentially threaten your sisters relationship and destroy a family. I know you have her bes... (read in full...)

I've changed so much since I had an abortion!

Q.   I had an abortion last year march (please do not jugde me). It was a tough decision. As my boyfriend and I came from a strict family, besides I have just ended by diploma, I was jobless and my boyfriend was in the army serving the nation. There was ...

A.   11 September 2013: I'm not going to judge you, you made a brave decision that was right for you at that time. I have supported many women through termination and I think you have unresolved guilt about your termination. They should have offered you counsell... (read in full...)

What do you guys think of my situation?

Q.   [Mod note: this written by a male OP in the voice of his female girlfriend.] I love my mother dearly, but recently she has been getting on my nerves. I'm 33 and am starting to get free of my seizures, but she won't really loosen up and treat me like ...

A.   8 September 2013: Your mother does indeed seem controlling and over protective but in her defence when you have a child with a potentially life threatening condition and you have spent your life ensuring their safety it's very hard to change your behaviour. That ... (read in full...)

I'm finding it very hard to deal with an unplanned pregnancy. Counselling service didn't help at all, and my fiancé's mother is overbearing.

Q.   I found out I'm pregnant and it's unplanned. My fiancé is happy. I tried to go to counseling to a major clinic. All their contacts were on holiday, except one, who had the audacity to charge me $300 to tell me he couldn't help me! Should I complain? ...

A.   7 September 2013: If you've paid for a service and did not receive that service then you should complain. Was he really unable to help you? Counsellors are not supposed to tell us what to do, they are supposed to let us know what options are available, and then sup... (read in full...)

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