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... Send *unty Babbit a private message | | | *unty Babbit's profile:I was a nurse and midwife for 20 years, I am a mother of 2 children and have a stepchild. All are now adults OMG!
I am very happily married, second time round.
My husband has suffered depression (not caused by me lol) and we have luckily come through that.
I have often mediated for friends during breakups and am regularly asked for advice on all things in general.
I have a lot of friends and when I'm not working (in bereavement)I write my own books of poetry for children and illustrate them as well |
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Long distance but in love what to do?
Q. Hey everybody! I feel really insecure about a boy i recently met. Just 2 weeks ago we met in a pub and hit it right of. I havent felt this way in a long long time! We only know eachother for 2 weeks but we text everyday and see eachother a lot. ...
A. 4 October 2013: All relationships have to be worked at but long distance relationships are really hard. That's not to say they can't work.
My husband and I started out with a LDR (hard to believe now) we had only been together a couple of weeks when circumst... (read in full...)
We aren't really together nor broken up.. Need advice please!!
Q. My boyfriend (of 3 years) and I just... broke up?? I'll explain why that's questionable. We didn't live together but spent weekends together and a couple days during the week when our work schedules allowed. We had a serious relationship where we'd ...
A. 4 October 2013: You say you feel like he's slowly giving up but from the tone of your letter I'm worried that he probably feels the same way about you.
I think that maybe the separation, when he was working away, meant that you both became a bit more used to ... (read in full...)
I had sex with my married stepbrother and now feel absolutely sick!
Q. I’m incredibly confused and ashamed of what I did the other night. When I was 10 my mother got remarried and along with her new marriage came my stepbrother who is 2 years older than I am. Despite the fact that I wasn’t too happy about the whole ...
A. 4 October 2013: To the male reader who would prefer to remain anonymous.
I do hear what you're saying and ordinarily I too would advocate honesty, lying is never good I agree, but I am not suggesting she lie!
I am suggesting she just says nothing. If, of ... (read in full...)
I had sex with my married stepbrother and now feel absolutely sick!
Q. I’m incredibly confused and ashamed of what I did the other night. When I was 10 my mother got remarried and along with her new marriage came my stepbrother who is 2 years older than I am. Despite the fact that I wasn’t too happy about the whole ...
A. 3 October 2013: Aunty Daisy Daisy really does give fabulous advice doesn't she? :)
She's so right! You are beating yourself up way too much and you are not the only one to blame.
Yes it was a very wrong thing to do but you both know that.
Coming clean an... (read in full...)
He doesn't want people to know about us.
Q. He has told his two best friends about me, but that's it. His other friends don't even know I exist. I haven't met any of his friends except his two best friends (and only then because we were classmates). My friends knew about us but after he said ...
A. 3 October 2013: Aunty Honeypie is right.
Why doesn't he want people to know about you? But to be honest I can't think of any good reason why people shouldn't know.
It sounds as if he's ashamed of you or embarrassed about the relationship. What a horrible ... (read in full...)
Suffering erectile dysfunction. Would it be wrong to encourage my wife to take lovers?
Q. I become unable to perform with a full erection. My wife thinks that I no longer want her and am gay or at least bi-sexual.I get very excited thinking about and talking about her having a sexual encounter with another man. She is using topical ...
A. 3 October 2013: OK so you have a fantasy about your wife taking lovers, how does she feel about it?
I can imagine that if she is already worrying about you not fancying her anymore or that you may be gay then this is only going to compound those feelings... (read in full...)
I don't know how to handle this relationship with a mooching friend!
Q. There's this mooch of a friend I had a while back which I recently unfriended on Facebook , but haven't met her since. She was basically taking advantage of my generous and "patient" nature. I was rather passive to be honest and when mistreated, ...
A. 3 October 2013: Some people just don't get the message do they? I know people just like this too!
From my experience as much as it can help to have a good rant it usually leaves you feeling worse than it leaves the person you're ranting at, so save your breath! ... (read in full...)
He doesn't care about learning about my hero!
Q. i just found out my boyfriend doesnt know who oskar shindler (may be missspelled sorry) is! is it normal that that kinda turns me off? my grand mother lost most of her borthers during world war II i tryed to teach him who this (n my mind) hero is ...
A. 2 October 2013: If he told you his hero was wonder woman, would you want to learn everything about her to make him happy?
I don't think it's reasonable to expect someone to learn about him and his history just because they're your boyfriend and your hero is impor... (read in full...)
What are some new ways to seduce my wife and spice things up?
Q. I've been married to my wife for six years. We have two children, the first was born about a year after we started dating, so we really haven't had a lot of time for ourselves. In her culture (Central American) it's more common for babies to stay in ...
A. 2 October 2013: Try and get someone to babysit the children overnight at theirs (such as grandparents) so you have the evening to yourselves and your wife can relax.
Maybe get a nice feel good type of film and snuggle up with a bottle of wine after a nice mea... (read in full...)
How do we get back together without being pushy?
Q. Hi all, I've been talking to my ex about possibly getting back together. A week ago I wrote her a long letter about how my life has felt empty and how much I sill love her since we broke up almost a year ago. She said she'll think about it, but she ...
A. 2 October 2013: You have already told her what you want and how you feel.
I suggest you stop making it all about what you want and start listening to her. Start making this more about her and that means listen more, talk less.
She has asked you to be less p... (read in full...)
Should I wait or tell my crush?
Q. I don't know if I should wait for my crush to breakup with his girlfriend that he's having issues with or if I should tell him that I like him now. I know he'll just reject me again because he's in a relationship but waiting for them to split is ...
A. 1 October 2013: If you've told him before then he already knows.
If I'm reading your letter right he had a girlfriend, you admitted you had feelings for him and he said you should've told him sooner because he has a girlfriend.
He has now split with her a... (read in full...)
Are we using each other somehow?
Q. Well, if any of you checked my other questions, i was pretty in love with someone who didn't really loved me anymore, and we did broke up. I did helped my friend and him to get together, and i am happy for them. I have no feelings for him anymore....
A. 1 October 2013: You've been hurt and are scared of being hurt again. It's a normal reaction after a break up when your partner has let you down.
You were friends with this guy and you both admit to liking each other.
It doesn't matter whether friends approve ... (read in full...)
Work place problem- how to handle ignoring game?
Q. Hi all, I have an issue at work place. One of my coworker who is a guy plays all kinds of mind games. He pretended has a crush on me for some time (We are both in long term relationships) After pushing him back as much as possible for quite some t...
A. 1 October 2013: I honestly think you're spending too much time worrying about this guy.
He's clearly strange and playing mind games but why should you care?
You may work closely with him in a room with others but ultimately you're paid to work.
Rise ab... (read in full...)
He said sex was "alright". what does that mean?
Q. New guy asked me what I think about the sex we had I said it was good/great. His response how he feels was " it's. Alright". What's that suppose to mean? He is the dominate sex partner if it's not good enough he should do more to make it good. I ...
A. 1 October 2013: Guys aren't always the best at communicating what they mean.
Ask him what he means by that comment (not in a rebuking defensive way but in a questioning way).
He might not have meant it offensively or offhandedly and it doesn't mean he's critic... (read in full...)
I want to move on but the ex won't let go
Q. Hiya :) I have split up with my boyfriend beginning of August. He is a nice bloke, but he took me for granted too much and I was the one working at our future. I have summed it up now, he has never been independent, always had mother and me ta...
A. 1 October 2013: I have been exactly in your position, my first boyfriend and I were together for years but he always had me or his mother pandering to his every whim.
Eventually I ended it and moved out and THAT was when he decided I was the one he wanted, ... (read in full...)
New to sex and finding it uncomfortable. Any advice?
Q. Sup everyone. So I lost my virginity a few days ago with this girl I'm in a LTR with. We ended up having sex twice that night, and once more yesterday. The thing is I'm having issues/weird feelings while having sex. This might get graphic but this ...
A. 30 September 2013: There are some brilliant answers here so I have only one more thought to add.
I think that maybe a few nerves might be softening your erection just a little making penetration harder and can cause the bending sensation you describe.
Applyin... (read in full...)
What should I make of her very friendly actions?
Q. A female who I've hung out with a few times before, a few days ago grabbed and pulled my head into her breasts on a few separate occasions 10-15 mins apart during a sporting event. We cheered for different teams, each time her team scored, she would ...
A. 30 September 2013: Well she's clearly a tactile, hands on kind of woman isn't she?
I'm with eyeswideopen here, really not sure what to make of it either!
If you dislike her or this behaviour I suggest you sit somewhere else.
If you like her and this behavi... (read in full...)
Will he wait for me?
Q. I really like this guy at work, I am on a contract that ends in the next 8 months but the work policy does not allow employees to form relationships as it creates conflict of interests. We flirt a lot and he responds very well, I have a feeling he ...
A. 30 September 2013: This whole scenario is based on a huge "what if"!
If this guy likes you and would like to pursue a relationship with you then he would probably be very happy to wait. This wouldn't prevent you having the odd coffee or meal out at weekends as frien... (read in full...)
Is this just a lack or courage or a sign I shouldn't end it?
Q. I'm struggling to let go of a bad relationship and need to know whether what I am feeling is normal? We've been together for over 4 years and I love him a lot, but we've had lots of problems in that time, mainly to do with the fact I've never ...
A. 30 September 2013: A lot depends on how he really treats you.
You say you don't "think" that you're a priority in his life, well what makes you say that? You don't have to tell me, just think about the answer.
Does he neglect you? Is he thoughtless? Is ... (read in full...)
Need some advice regarding healthy food options to help with weight loss.
Q. Hi there, I wrote up last week about wanting to loose a stone quickly. Thanks for your advice I totally get where your all coming from. I just wondered if you could give me some advice on a controlled diet as, as usual people say eat salads but I ...
A. 30 September 2013: Food is energy and is measured in units known as calories.
OK, if you eat more calories than your body will burn in a 24 hour period, your body will store that excess energy as fat.
If you eat what your body requires you will maintain your cu... (read in full...)
Does he really take Viagra just to masturbate?
Q. I have been in Married 15 years. I love him very much. However, I found two times he took Viagra with him when he is a way for a long trip. First time I found he took about 2 pill, this time was half of the bill. Both times, I talked to him. I asked ...
A. 30 September 2013: Viagra is a little pill that merely increases blood flow to the penis to help guys who have trouble achieving or maintaining an erection to have a sustained erection.
What a guy chooses to do with that erection is, I suppose, his choice. ... (read in full...)
Am I gay, bi or straight?
Q. is it gay to have a thoughts about a guy but also think abot girls all the time to or am i just looking to experiment. i feel a connection with him we even cuddle every time were alone. but on the flip side girls always shoot me down and friend zone ...
A. 30 September 2013: Aunty iAHTHY is right, don't get hung up on a label, you are you.
It doesn't matter whether you're attracted to men, women or both.
If your with a guy and you feel comfortable and are sexually attracted to him, ask him out and see what happens... (read in full...)
I did everything for him and he wants to break up?
Q. My boyfriend and I got together this january after he constantly pestered me to get with him despite all our mutual friends advising me against it. I told him I am not looking for sex in the relationship due to my religious beliefs and family values ...
A. 29 September 2013: You have high values and a strong belief, you have direction in your academic life and, no doubt, a bright future ahead of you.
I think your high values have made you a very alluring prize and now, the thrill of the chase is over for this guy, as ... (read in full...)
Vibrators - are they all penetrative?
Q. Hi, We've discussed vibrators and wanted to know if vibrators have to be inserted? my wife always has clitoral orgasms and is not comfortable with anything being inserted into her. Having a brief look, it looks like they need to be penetrative w...
A. 29 September 2013: You can use a vibrator any way you want too.
Most are designed for penetrative use but work in exactly the same way as the ones designed for clitoral stimulation.
All you need to do is find the design your wife likes. Base it on which texture... (read in full...)
How do I cope with the breakdown of my parents marriage?
Q. Hi everyone, just hoping for a bit of advice. My mum has just started the menopause and now is saying that she wants my dad to move out. They have been together for over 30 years and while I admit they have had their ups and downs, I have never se...
A. 28 September 2013: This must be so very hard for you.
Your Mum and Dad have been married a long time and it's a shame they can't work this through with counselling, however, for that to work both parties have to want to repair the marriage and sometimes, when a r... (read in full...)
How do I go on being NOT the so-nice understanding friend victim into the real me?
Q. This is probably the weirdest most disghusting querry you'll ever read, but I'm afraid I need an insight on this one and how to deal with this tricky situation to say the least. I happen to have a friend who whenever she comes to my place, use...
A. 28 September 2013: Firstly it's Babbit and perhaps if you had given us a bit more information in the beginning I may have had a clearer image of the problem.
Try reading your original post as someone with no idea of the whole situation (as we are) and then you migh... (read in full...)
How do I go on being NOT the so-nice understanding friend victim into the real me?
Q. This is probably the weirdest most disghusting querry you'll ever read, but I'm afraid I need an insight on this one and how to deal with this tricky situation to say the least. I happen to have a friend who whenever she comes to my place, use...
A. 28 September 2013: I assume you leave for class at around the same time each day.
Most people, not all, empty their bowels at around the same time each day.
It seems that your friend has, unfortunately, had the urge to "go" on arriving at your house.
The fi... (read in full...)
How does a tongue piercing make sex better?
Q. Can some one please explain this to me.I keep hearing girls say tongue piercings makes you give better oral.how does it make it better?...
A. 28 September 2013: A partner may enjoy the feel of that small ball of cold steel on their genitalia and/or be turned on by the piercing and that's pretty much it.
AB x
... (read in full...)
Should I invite my mother wedding dress shopping, even though it will be stressful?
Q. Hi! So my question is probably a little different. Im wondering whether or not I shoud ask my mom to come with me when I go Wedding dress shopping. I love my mom, but we really dont get along. My fiance and I actually live with her, we moved into ...
A. 27 September 2013: The people you are inviting to come with you are close friends and future family. They know you and no doubt your Mum and will be aware of the problems you face with her and how she behaves. If they haven't met her they will surely know of her.
... (read in full...)
How can I be happier being a stay at home wife?
Q. How can I be happier being a stay at home wife? I feel stuck. I am a stay-at-home wife (not mom). About 50% of my time is spent at home working on a project I've been developing for several years and hoping it will come to fruition. The re...
A. 27 September 2013: You say you chose to be a stay at home wife and are unhappy.
So do something about it. Stop looking for excuses as to why you can't.
You overeat because you're bored so fill your time.
Loads of people can't drive but they get out and about, ... (read in full...)
Can an affair with a married man ever end happily for the other woman?
Q. Hello everyone. Before I begin, I realize I am opening myself up to a firestorm of very harsh judgment, name calling and comments from Dear Cupid's advice givers and readers. Please do not judge me. We all walk different paths in life and make...
A. 27 September 2013: I know you've had a lot of responses but here's my opinion.
He is a devious cheating husband.
He has used every line in the book and aggressively pursued you.
If his wife is so cold, frigid and clinical and they have no children and he is so... (read in full...)
My married male friend has admitted to being in love with me!
Q. Ok, so I am a 21 yr old female, student, and i have this male friend(30), an audiologist, who is married and has a kid.. I always saw him in this friend area...plus he is my best friend. He admitted of being Madly in love with me. It was a ...
A. 27 September 2013: He is married with a child and, especially given his age, is acting inappropriately towards you.
You have expressed to him that you do not feel the same way yet he continues to hound you and tries to talk about his desires with you.
His beh... (read in full...)
Normal or potential abusive boyfriend?
Q. Hello, Ive been dating my boyfriend lets call him ''bob'' for three years. During the time we've dated i've noticed he can be very possessive and controlling. He is this way about my best friends, what i eat, make up, decisions about our relati...
A. 27 September 2013: Well done, you've made a brave decision and, for what it's worth, I think, the right one.
You can't expect someone like him to back off easily I'm afraid, but you have done the right thing confiding in friends and family.
As Aunty SVC says, ... (read in full...)
We've Only Been Dating for 5 Days and He Jokes About Marriage, Meeting the Family, and Spending Holidays Together?!
Q. Help me.... I've been dating this person for 4-5 days and he is scaring me off with jokes about marriage and making future plans to meet my family and spend the holidays together. We've known eachother for a few months now, in which he express...
A. 27 September 2013: He's had months thinking about you and wanting to be in a relationship with and now he is, he's clearly much further down the road than you are.
I'm not surprised this is putting you off, he really does need to put the breaks on. The only plus her... (read in full...)
Why can't he have sex properly?
Q. hi i was with a guy for few years then he cheated on me. he was away few years ive just recently started to talk to him. he came over to my place we tried having sex things were ok but he cant seem to have sex properly. why? does anyone know the ...
A. 26 September 2013: Um, firstly we don't know what he is actually doing that would not be considered "proper".
Two without more details we can't ascertain why this might be.
Three, you're seeing a guy who cheated on you 2 years ago, have only just started talking ... (read in full...)
Normal or potential abusive boyfriend?
Q. Hello, Ive been dating my boyfriend lets call him ''bob'' for three years. During the time we've dated i've noticed he can be very possessive and controlling. He is this way about my best friends, what i eat, make up, decisions about our relati...
A. 23 September 2013: People say a lot of things when they're angry that they don't mean but that doesn't mean to say it's acceptable or excusable.
He certainly is displaying all the signs of a man who is a bully. He may not be or get violent but he clearly enjoys e... (read in full...)
I ruined his birthday, but is it justified because his friendship with his ex was out of line.
Q. I'm talking to this guy and every now and then he goes and hangs out with his ex girlfriend. He knows that I don't like it at all because when hes with her I tell him not to speak to me. He tells me that hes sorry and hes trying to end things on a ...
A. 22 September 2013: I can't agree with Aunty chigirl I'm afraid.
Even if the OP is young, she's asking for our opinion and in my opinion she has overreacted.
Yes they may be young but if this guy fancies her and was maybe considering her as his girlfriend he'll... (read in full...)
URGENT adivce: is this too weird or should I just leave it?
Q. So the story, I need your honest opinion- I know its long, but you need to understand the context if it all. We're in our mid 20s and have been studying together for the last year and a half. We're not friends but we're friendly- we have done gro...
A. 22 September 2013: Don't give him your number until he's replied. To get your number he must read the message and he'll then reply by the same method I'm guessing.
If he replies that he would like to meet for a drink then by all means send him your number so you c... (read in full...)
Sisters expect me to act like their mum, but now I'm expecting a child of my own. What do I do?
Q. I am 29 living with my two young sisters. They are 26 and 24 respectively. We lost our mother when we were young and since then I have grown up pretty fast.. I was 16 when she died. I have been there for them through thick and thin , however...
A. 22 September 2013: You are their sister not their mother. You've had a hard time of it and done an amazing thing raising your siblings but now, Honeypie is right, you have to set them free.
Sit them down and explain that you took care of them when mum passed a... (read in full...)
Three of us are friends. She dumped him but now I like the guy.
Q. So to try and cut this story down. Last year my friend was dating a guy who I had been friends with for a few years previous. Anyway they broke up last year, she dumped him by text, which kind of put me in an awkward situation, I felt needed to have ...
A. 21 September 2013: Firstly your girlfriend was unkind, not in dumping him but in the way she did it. To text was cowardly, insensitive and cruel and I don't blame him for not wanting to speak to her. It's just a pity she's so self absorbed she can't see it!
In fo... (read in full...)
He would make plans with me, then disappear and turn off his cell.
Q. hello I have a guy friend.he met me once. he would always make plans with me. but he wouldnt turn up on the day we make plans. Its always he who makes the plans. but finally when i call him on the day he made the plan his cell is off. goes direct...
A. 21 September 2013: You say he keeps doing this yet you keep going back for more! Why?
If he was shy then he would probably text or phone you and make some excuse to cancel the meet but he hasn't done this.
He's playing a cruel game and is being completely disre... (read in full...)
I ruined his birthday, but is it justified because his friendship with his ex was out of line.
Q. I'm talking to this guy and every now and then he goes and hangs out with his ex girlfriend. He knows that I don't like it at all because when hes with her I tell him not to speak to me. He tells me that hes sorry and hes trying to end things on a ...
A. 21 September 2013: Yes, you probably have ruined his birthday and what for?
He's friends with his ex, you already admit there's nothing going on between them as she's moved on, and I think it's nice that they can still be mates.
Your letter makes it sound as if h... (read in full...)
URGENT adivce: is this too weird or should I just leave it?
Q. So the story, I need your honest opinion- I know its long, but you need to understand the context if it all. We're in our mid 20s and have been studying together for the last year and a half. We're not friends but we're friendly- we have done gro...
A. 21 September 2013: You've got to stop hinting, you've got nothing to lose.
Just say Hi and then tell him that you were going to ask him if he'd like to get a coffee (whatever) with you the other day, but didn't get a chance too.
Then tell him that you think h... (read in full...)
URGENT adivce: is this too weird or should I just leave it?
Q. So the story, I need your honest opinion- I know its long, but you need to understand the context if it all. We're in our mid 20s and have been studying together for the last year and a half. We're not friends but we're friendly- we have done gro...
A. 21 September 2013: What have you got to lose?
Message him privately on Facebook and be clear. Tell him that you think he's a really nice guy and would he like to go out for a drink with you sometime. Keep it brief and casual but friendly.
If he says no, you've ... (read in full...)
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