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| | Ask oldersister's profile:I live in Dallas, Tx, I am 35yrs old
I am a very forthright, blunt, and compassionate person.
Just left a 10yr sales career to pay a lot of money to go to grad school so I can make less getting out than what I do now.
I love to read (M. Scott Peck, Wally Lamb, Robert Greene, psychology), paint, write and research.
I encourage every woman out there to read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker- too many of us doubt our gut feelings.
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before". |
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| Latest articles: Warning signs you're dating a loser!
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 April 2008: I found this great information at: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/articles/article.php?artID=157 1. Rough Treatment "The Loser" will hurt you on purpose. If he or she hits you, twists your arm, pulls your hair, kicks you, shoves you, or ...
Dating "RED FLAGS"
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 March 2008: The RED FLAG List - Warning signs that He (or She) is BAD NEWS... Too many women are misled by the romantic myth that men are "diamonds in the rough" and we are supposed to "help" them become better men, often by sacrificing our own needs. We ar...
The Married Man / Single Woman Syndrome- Dating a Married Man and Losing Yourself in the Process
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 February 2008: The Married Man / Single Woman Syndrome- Dating a Married Man and Losing Yourself in the Process copyright by Ask Oldersister, 2008, www.oldersister.sampasite.com So you are young, single, attractive and no doubt have many eligible men pur...
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How do I be a normal teen?
Q. my questions simple...how do i be a normal teen? everyone goes on about how theyve ''had mistakes'' and ''have a past'' and their around my age! and I have no past or mistakes or regrets at all! I feel like I've fucked up because of this, like, ...
A. 13 May 2008: You still have the rest of your life to fuck up, and believe me, you will make many mistakes so don't be too eager to get a jumpstart on pain and regret. If you don't want to be a geek, be original like having your own style whether it's your hair ... (read in full...)
If I lost her do to my shady sexual history, I'd be devastated! Should I reveal what I've done?
Q. I've recently started a relationship with the most amazing woman I've ever met. Things are better than I could have ever imagined and have ever been with anyone else and I'm certain we are both deeply in love with each other. The problem is that ...
A. 13 May 2008: I just wanted to say it sounds like you carry around a lot of shame. I think it's more about shame than it is about the prostitute. There are many men in the military that sleep with prostitutes and they don't feel an ounce of guilt about it so I ... (read in full...)
She didn't email when she said she would, what should I make of this?
Q. I met a girl in my guidance class at my college and we have exchanged email to each other last friday. I kind of like this girl and i told her to email me. After 2:00 PM, I did email her about emailing me after 6:00 PM because I was eating my dinner ...
A. 12 May 2008: Wow, I think you need to chill out. You can't expect someone to drop everything they are doing and respond to your email and I also wouldn't tell someone WHEN to email you, just go with the flow. I think you need to focus on getting to know her ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is obsessed with me - or is it real love?
Q. my bf is starting to be obsessed with me i think. seems like he only wants me for himself. is this really a good thing and if he really loves me like he always say....should i just accept his behaviour or does that mean he's love for me is actua...
A. 12 May 2008: What exactly do you mean by obsessed? Like he can't live without you or makes you feel guilty if you are apart? What are some of his behaviors?... (read in full...)
My dad says TV rots your brain, what do you think?
Q. My Dad says T.V rots your brain, what do you think?...
A. 12 May 2008: Yes, my Dad called it the idiot box. I always find myself feeling guilty if I watch too much of it. ... (read in full...)
Where is the Moral Outrage?
Q. This question is directed to the Bible thumpers out there and you know who you are. About the so totally holy and super sacred institution of marriage. When two dudes get married the marriage is between one man and one woman brigades crap their ...
A. 12 May 2008: Look, I'm sorry that I smacked you with that cat I had by the tail, okay? It's just something you are going to have to get over. Keep your gloves on.... (read in full...)
Where is the Moral Outrage?
Q. This question is directed to the Bible thumpers out there and you know who you are. About the so totally holy and super sacred institution of marriage. When two dudes get married the marriage is between one man and one woman brigades crap their ...
A. 12 May 2008: Oh, so you want to take it outside, do you? As long as I don't have to remove my ski mask, I'll compromise on taking the gloves off. ... (read in full...)
Should I end my friendship with my ex to make my boyfriend feel more secure in our relationship?
Q. I married my high school sweetheart before he deployed to Iraq. Predictably, our young age and the effects of him being at war destroyed our marriage. We ended up divorcing in 2006. Despite that, we still remain best friends. Now I'm a new relation...
A. 12 May 2008: I can see how this would be a threat to your husband and I would be more "present oriented" than dwelling on a past marriage that wasn't meant to be. To be best friends with him is an insult to your current husband, who should be your best friend. ... (read in full...)
Where is the Moral Outrage?
Q. This question is directed to the Bible thumpers out there and you know who you are. About the so totally holy and super sacred institution of marriage. When two dudes get married the marriage is between one man and one woman brigades crap their ...
A. 12 May 2008: The only thing I'll beg of you is to remember the fiasco you created last time Linda Ronstadt was in town. In your heightened paranoia you made accusations that she was a "face biter" and powdered your drink. I'd hate to see what you have in store ... (read in full...)
Where is the Moral Outrage?
Q. This question is directed to the Bible thumpers out there and you know who you are. About the so totally holy and super sacred institution of marriage. When two dudes get married the marriage is between one man and one woman brigades crap their ...
A. 12 May 2008: No, I just caught a small little goldfish in a big swimming pool behind a fundamentalist church of all places.... (read in full...)
Where is the Moral Outrage?
Q. This question is directed to the Bible thumpers out there and you know who you are. About the so totally holy and super sacred institution of marriage. When two dudes get married the marriage is between one man and one woman brigades crap their ...
A. 12 May 2008: Rhythm, we are being totally silly. ... (read in full...)
Where is the Moral Outrage?
Q. This question is directed to the Bible thumpers out there and you know who you are. About the so totally holy and super sacred institution of marriage. When two dudes get married the marriage is between one man and one woman brigades crap their ...
A. 12 May 2008: Hold on a sec...are we talking about a homosexual man or a straight one? I just have to know?... (read in full...)
Where is the Moral Outrage?
Q. This question is directed to the Bible thumpers out there and you know who you are. About the so totally holy and super sacred institution of marriage. When two dudes get married the marriage is between one man and one woman brigades crap their ...
A. 12 May 2008: Small steps...you can't even keep your registration away from your little dog. I'm something you'd have to "work up to".... (read in full...)
Where is the Moral Outrage?
Q. This question is directed to the Bible thumpers out there and you know who you are. About the so totally holy and super sacred institution of marriage. When two dudes get married the marriage is between one man and one woman brigades crap their ...
A. 12 May 2008: I'll borrow an Ayn Rand modality for this one and say failure to vote is still a vote. I can say I DID NOT vote for George as q1605 indirectly did. Furthermore, this dog of yours I take to be some sort of "collective dog" like to soften for ... (read in full...)
Where is the Moral Outrage?
Q. This question is directed to the Bible thumpers out there and you know who you are. About the so totally holy and super sacred institution of marriage. When two dudes get married the marriage is between one man and one woman brigades crap their ...
A. 12 May 2008: Hey, q1605, the fact you had to drive that damn bus to transport all those children had to be rough. I'm sorry to bail out on you on that day, I had to go to church and teach the Sunday school children. ... (read in full...)
Where is the Moral Outrage?
Q. This question is directed to the Bible thumpers out there and you know who you are. About the so totally holy and super sacred institution of marriage. When two dudes get married the marriage is between one man and one woman brigades crap their ...
A. 12 May 2008: You sound really hot. ... (read in full...)
Which of the four should I choose?
Q. Okay so this boy loves me, well says he loves me, and he's also my ex. This other boy says he misses me and stuff, which is another ex, and this other kid always says he loves me but we're really close and we hangout alot, and then there's this ...
A. 12 May 2008: I'm getting my dart board out and I've just put my blindfold on...okay, let me go check. OMG- it landed on Black so which ever one wears a black shirt the next time you see him is the one you should pick! Oh, and it was on number 11 if that helps ... (read in full...)
Unbearable truth....do I move on or wait for a cheater to reform?
Q. I am 38 and my ex gf is 23 going on 24. We had been together for over a year and a half. Chance meeting at a bar and I wasn't looking for someone this young. Firstly, she's geniunely naive, stupid and weak. I slept with her the first night. I had ...
A. 11 May 2008: Well if you don't feel that her sexual past affords her the "wholesome type" and that's what you want, you shouldn't be with someone who you perceive doesn't fit that. She also should be with someone that doesn't consider her stupid, naive, and ... (read in full...)
I feel sick at the way he behaves
Q. Is it ever ok to be in a relationship with a man who uses and sells drugs? Or torments your daughter with names? Or is signed on at many dating sites with pics you took of him on vaca even though he doesnt log in often? Why do I need valid...
A. 11 May 2008: Of course there are always exceptions, but think about what your daughter is learning about men and this guy is her role model for future relationships, do you want that for her? Sometimes it's a simple answer that will force us to stay strong even ... (read in full...)
Just out of curiousity, what does this dream mean? My teacher is involved.
Q. Recently I've had this dream about a teacher of mine...Who I have strong feelings for. Before you say anything, I am NOT like other girls. I'm doing the right thing by actually trying to get over him. Why? Because I know if that if we had gotten ...
A. 11 May 2008: Maybe the dream implies that he can embrace both his masculine and feminine sides which means he can relate to both males and females and you sexualized this in your dream. Most boys your age are only in touch with solidifying and developing their ... (read in full...)
I met a widower on a cruise and he was upset I didn't have sex with him! How can I get back on his "friendship book"?
Q. I am 54 just returned from a cruise and "met" a man on his own he wasnt looking for anything really but we palled up a bit and did some dancing but nothing romantic for 14 daysw at the end we just kissed on the cheeks and he said see you sometime...
A. 10 May 2008: Hi, Jenny. I think you not having sex with him was a good call, I don't think it would have changed his mind though and you would have just felt more used. You are already upset about him leading you on with the flirting when he could have been ... (read in full...)
Is it because I refused him sex that he couldn't wait to get rid of me?
Q. About 2 weeks ago I slept over my bf's house. I told him before that I wasnt ready for sex, so he should not of expected me to sleep with him just cause i agreed to sleeping over...i just wanted to sleep in his arms, nothing more. Anyway, he wante...
A. 10 May 2008: Laura is right, guys think very differently than us, especially at that age. When you get older, you will find your hormones are going to be similar! Right now, it is really romantic to want to spend the night with your boyfriend and just hold ... (read in full...)
Is it because I refused him sex that he couldn't wait to get rid of me?
Q. About 2 weeks ago I slept over my bf's house. I told him before that I wasnt ready for sex, so he should not of expected me to sleep with him just cause i agreed to sleeping over...i just wanted to sleep in his arms, nothing more. Anyway, he wante...
A. 10 May 2008: For a lot of guys, actions speak louder than words- spending the night in his bed does leave the door open to other things, in his mind. It's just how many guys think. Pressuring you was wrong and so was how he handled it. It doesn't surprise me ... (read in full...)
My husband had an affair but seems to show little remorse!
Q. My husband had an affair but seems to show little remorse. He says according to Darwins theory he is just an alpha male and i should be glad to be with him, and he will continue to sleep with as many women as he can. I do love him but i find his ...
A. 10 May 2008: I don't think Darwin's survival of the fittest explains his lack of EMPATHY! By the way, many female primates copulate with other males unbeknownst to the alpha male, who offers them security and protection- they found this out via DNA tests when ... (read in full...)
What the heck is going on with my boyfriend?
Q. I've posted before, my relationship with my boyfriend had gone sour, mostly on our miscommunication, we still love on another as we recently discovered, but many things have happened. nothing bad, just things falling apart. i've seen him once a ...
A. 10 May 2008: I hate to say this but I think he might have just been lonely and wanted the familiar comfort of having sex with you again. When you wrote that he came back saying he didn't really want to be single, I though perhaps he was still in love with you ... (read in full...)
Does his reply to my text mean he likes me or not?
Q. hey, I like this guy, and I dont think he knows. I text him asking him a question ( general chit chat) and he just answered with the answer- I dont know if Im reading into this too much but is this a sign that he doesnt like me? He did put a ...
A. 10 May 2008: Well, it's a good sign that he's at least responding to you but without any more details, it's hard to be a mind reader! Some guys aren't really attached to the phone or overly thrilled by it so I don't think anwering a question with a short reply ... (read in full...)
My 'perfect' man with a girlfriend....Is he giving me signs?
Q. Hello newbie here!! I have been single for over a year now and recently been email/facebook flirting with a guy who is quite local to me. He instigated it by emailing me first off (approx 1 month ago). I originally know him from university altho...
A. 10 May 2008: I think you are probably not going to come out the winner in this one, I'm afraid. It sounds as if he's toying with the idea of having maybe a sexual relationship possibly but I doubt he'll break up with his girlfriend. Then again, he sounds ... (read in full...)
I was happy with his friendship - I never stopped loving him and gave him another chance, now this??
Q. This is long so please bare with me. When I was younger - I had the biggest crush on one of my sisters male friends. I never thought that I would ever stand a chance because he was older (6 years) but when you are young that's a big age gap. ...
A. 10 May 2008: I think he's right when he says he has to be cruel to be kind, not responding feels cruel but you are both married and this is the kindest thing he can do for everyone involved. It sounds like he's made a mature decision and doesn't want to awaken ... (read in full...)
Should I move with my boyfriend?
Q. I'm 28 and a successful engineer and have worked all my life to get this job that i love. im quite independent as i earn enough to live comfortably in the city. my boyfriend has asked me to live with him but in a town far from the city as he just ...
A. 10 May 2008: I may be a bit conservative here but I think if your goal is to marry this guy and be a stay at home wife, he needs to get you a ring before you move. You are giving up a great job and moving for a future with him and there's no reason he can't put ... (read in full...)
Is it because I refused him sex that he couldn't wait to get rid of me?
Q. About 2 weeks ago I slept over my bf's house. I told him before that I wasnt ready for sex, so he should not of expected me to sleep with him just cause i agreed to sleeping over...i just wanted to sleep in his arms, nothing more. Anyway, he wante...
A. 10 May 2008: I agree with the other aunts, you should never feel pressured into sex. I'm not sure how old you are either. I just wanted to suggest something to you and that's to not tell your boyfriend that you are going to spend the night alone, sleep next to ... (read in full...)
Come on aunts and uncles stop dodging your resposibilities....
Q. I often hear the phrase 'it's not for me to judge'. If no one offers a judgement then how is right and wrong determined in society? Someone batters an old woman, 'it's not for me to judge'....Someone molests a child, 'it's not for me to judge'. Isn...
A. 9 May 2008: I am not a self appointed "judge and jury". Just because you don't judge a person, it doesn't mean you don't take appropriate action. If a drunk driver hits another car, I might not judge the person drinking but I would report the accident. To do ... (read in full...)
I don't even know if I can trust guys anymore..
Q. Why do guys change their minds so quickly???? I had a very serious 7 month relationship (albeit long distance but incredibly intense) with the most wonderful and reliable guy. Even though we had been together for such a short period of time, ...
A. 9 May 2008: You are not overreacting, it's natural to feel angry and it's also healthy. Women are socialized to not express their anger which to me, is ridiculous and a disservice. People are going to disappoint you your whole life, unfortunately, or change ... (read in full...)
I haven't clue about lesbian sex, but I want to try it.
Q. Hey i guess i am bi..and i want to try having physical relationship with a girl..but i have no clue about lesbians sex. Do they cause sexual diseases? Do we lose our virginity by lesbian sex? I am sorry if my questions are lame. Please help...
A. 9 May 2008: Buy one of those tee-shirts that say "dip me in honey and feed me to the lesbians". Lesbians love turning straight women and they will be more than happy to show you what to do. Your best bet is to go to a gay bar and act straight "like you've ... (read in full...)
I don't even know if I can trust guys anymore..
Q. Why do guys change their minds so quickly???? I had a very serious 7 month relationship (albeit long distance but incredibly intense) with the most wonderful and reliable guy. Even though we had been together for such a short period of time, ...
A. 9 May 2008: I agree with Kimaxsi. I also don't think a long distance relationship is really a true reflection of a "real" relationship unless the foundation was built in person first. The danger of these relationships is that they can be smoke and mirrors, ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he care about my family's health, or is it just a 'guy thing' to have no feelings?
Q. Hi, I'm getting married in about a month but I have a question. I'm wondering if my fiance is just very insensitive or if it is just a guy thing. A few years ago (during the first year that we were dating) my mother was in the hospital for s...
A. 9 May 2008: Well, if you are having serious doubts, I would schedule some pre-marriage counseling because this is the rest of your life at stake! I know how hard it is to be objective in this situation but if there is a possibility that you are not seeing this ... (read in full...)
Is it possible for a man to only be turned on by one woman?
Q. My man says he has never thought of cheating on me. He has many attractive female friends and I sometimes wonder if this is temptation for him. I am pretty confident he won't pursue anything more than a frienship with these women (because he ...
A. 9 May 2008: I don't think it's possible for a man to not be attracted to anyone but you. If you trust him and he has good character, then you shouldn't worry about it at all. If you think about it, trust wouldn't really be relevant in relationships if all it ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he care about my family's health, or is it just a 'guy thing' to have no feelings?
Q. Hi, I'm getting married in about a month but I have a question. I'm wondering if my fiance is just very insensitive or if it is just a guy thing. A few years ago (during the first year that we were dating) my mother was in the hospital for s...
A. 9 May 2008: I don't really see how not asking about major crises in your life shows anything but lack of empathy. Seriously, maybe he does the other stuff, like massaging you and doing other little things because he has something to gain by it, like sex, ... (read in full...)
If he keeps saying my name that way, I'm going to give him something that guaranteed he'll never forget.
Q. I told a guy at work today that "I love the way you say my name, you make it sound so sexy." (This guy is Spanish and he pronounces my name with an appealing accent, almost with adoration). The next time he does this, I'll tell him that if he keep...
A. 9 May 2008: I think it's a bold move. I like it. You need to walk off right after say it though. Say it dead pan and matter of fact. ... (read in full...)
What sort of women do men really like? Real? Or fake dolls with fake breasts, fake nails, fake hair...
Q. Ok, I know this topic gets old fast, and that I'll probably hear the same answers that are usually given, but let's have a try and I truly do expect honesty... PLEASE... It's always said men prefer natural beauty, natural looking women. But if th...
A. 9 May 2008: Ladies and Gentlemen, q1605 has pulled up a chair and is now seated at the table, enjoy the show...... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he care about my family's health, or is it just a 'guy thing' to have no feelings?
Q. Hi, I'm getting married in about a month but I have a question. I'm wondering if my fiance is just very insensitive or if it is just a guy thing. A few years ago (during the first year that we were dating) my mother was in the hospital for s...
A. 9 May 2008: I'm sorry, but you're fiance sounds like either a narcissist or sociopath. Yes, it would be a mistake to marry this guy.
"sociopaths lack a sense of remorse or empathy (as do narcissists). Sociopaths are shallow emotionally in the way that they... (read in full...)
What sort of women do men really like? Real? Or fake dolls with fake breasts, fake nails, fake hair...
Q. Ok, I know this topic gets old fast, and that I'll probably hear the same answers that are usually given, but let's have a try and I truly do expect honesty... PLEASE... It's always said men prefer natural beauty, natural looking women. But if th...
A. 9 May 2008: No, BigSis, I don't watch TV at all really and I can't go anywhere without smacking into images of Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt, Brittany Spears, Angelina, or Jessica Simpson. ... (read in full...)
What sort of women do men really like? Real? Or fake dolls with fake breasts, fake nails, fake hair...
Q. Ok, I know this topic gets old fast, and that I'll probably hear the same answers that are usually given, but let's have a try and I truly do expect honesty... PLEASE... It's always said men prefer natural beauty, natural looking women. But if th...
A. 9 May 2008: I'm just playing the hand I was given, q1605.... (read in full...)
What sort of women do men really like? Real? Or fake dolls with fake breasts, fake nails, fake hair...
Q. Ok, I know this topic gets old fast, and that I'll probably hear the same answers that are usually given, but let's have a try and I truly do expect honesty... PLEASE... It's always said men prefer natural beauty, natural looking women. But if th...
A. 8 May 2008: q1605 would pick me over Jennifer anyday, I just have this feeling. Poster, I just don't see what you see. I don't believe guys like fake dolls or mannequin women. Maybe it's your lack of confidence that is making you see the world this way? I ... (read in full...)
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