| Latest articles: Just Two
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31 March 2011: I recently read something nice that I would like to share.... JUST TWO. Donate blood twice a year. Donate your eyes after death. Thank God twice a day. Write two letters a week. Visit two ailing people a month. Say two words of gratitude-"...
A little humility goes a long way
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 March 2011: I’ve been a moderator here on DC for a while and it’s a great forum. It really irritates me though when the OP shows no regard for the aunts who’ve taken time to answer questions. We moderators don’t know you, yet we spend time poring over ever...
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Boyfriend and I worked for same company. He got fired and is now pressuring me to quit
Q. Hello, I have been with my partner for almost two years, were engaged. I work for a pretty good company I actually got him hired were I worked. I have been with the company for 3 years. The company I work put me in a manager training class w...
A. 31 August 2021: I don't really know what you're asking here. Are you asking if you should follow this idiot's orders and quit the job that you love or are you asking if you should leave him?
Quit- No. And I don't think that as a professional young woman who has ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend and I worked for same company. He got fired and is now pressuring me to quit
Q. Hello, I have been with my partner for almost two years, were engaged. I work for a pretty good company I actually got him hired were I worked. I have been with the company for 3 years. The company I work put me in a manager training class w...
A. 31 August 2021: I don't really know what you're asking here. Are you asking if you should follow this idiot's orders and quit the job that you love or are you asking if you should leave him?
Quit- No. And I don't think that as a professional young woman who has ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to make rules for my cheating boyfriend?
Q. I’ve recently taken back my boyfriend after he cheated on me. Am I right in telling him he can’t go out with his mates because I think they are a bad influence on him? The last thing I’d ever want to be is a controlling partner as I cannot STAN...
A. 28 August 2021: You sound like a rational, reasonable, sensible person and from what you write, you're articulate and you know what you want and more importantly, you know exactly what you don't want.
You will be much, MUCH better off leaving your immature... (read in full...)
My husband had anal sex in the past and now I'm worried our sexual backgrounds are not equal or aligned.
Q. Hi. You may think my issue is nothing to worry about or that I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. But here goes... My husband and I have been married 9 years. I knew about his sexual past for the most part but recently he told me he had a...
A. 21 August 2021: This is why I firmly believe that there should not be oversharing of information in any marriage. What good can possibly come of knowing about your partner's past? I fail to understand why on earth he's even discussing all this with you now! I ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with a clingy girlfriend?
Q. Hi everyone How do I deal with a clingy gf? Little background. We have been together for about 2 years. In the beginning she didn't appear clingy. This last year she certainly has been. If I don't see her, theres an argument, if I d...
A. 21 August 2021: Honestly? I'd break up if I were you. I've been in your situation and the guy made my life absolutely miserable. I couldn't handle it beyond a point. I've seen enough of him to know that such clingy people never change. He had far too many issues, ... (read in full...)
I want to tell the father of my daughter how I feel about him but I'm petrified he won't feel the same way
Q. I want to tell the father of my child how I really feel about him but I’m petrified that he won’t feel the same because of the age gap. I’m 30 whereas he’s only 24. It’s honestly a situation I’d never imagined I’d find myself in with him. He w...
A. 21 August 2021: I can feel your emotions through your post and I wish I could just give you really big hug right now!
I feel you should tell this guy what you feel about him. You stand nothing to lose and at least you'll have a load off your chest. The sadd... (read in full...)
I feel like I helped him mature for someone else to enjoy
Q. I’m feeling very shocked and hurt even though I feel like I got over this past relationship. A man I dated swore he’d never have children. He’d be uncomfortable around them and all. I once got him to pose with my friends baby and his own mother ...
A. 31 July 2021: I know this will be hard to not take personally but he was just not that into you and believe me, it has nothing to do with you. Sometimes two people just don't 'fit'. "You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to ... (read in full...)
Did I have a right to know about the abortion?
Q. I recently found out my ex-girlfriend had an abortion that she kept secret from me. Did I not have a right to know? We only went out for about 5 months before things went stale and we split in April. Last week I bumped into one of her friends i...
A. 31 July 2021: How does it matter now? You can't unscramble the egg. Yes, you probably should have known about the pregnancy and the abortion but I guess this action by your ex proves even more how incompatible you were/are when it comes to making big decisions. ... (read in full...)
Am I doing the right thing getting married when I still have such strong feelings for my ex?
Q. I am female and i had been dating a guy for about 3 years before leaving him and meeting someone else after. We were engaged, supposedly, but after a few months of our engagement he told me he might not be able to go through with it any time soon, ...
A. 19 May 2021: I totally agree with the lady who said that your ex likes to keep his exes around! That was my first thought as well!
I honestly don't know what you see in him but here's my two cents. You are not ready for marriage. If you do marry the current ... (read in full...)
Should I contact my ex after 5 years no contact? Is 5 years enough for someone to change?
Q. I have an urge to talk to an ex from 12 years ago. We haven't spoke for 5 years and the last time we spoke I ignored her last msg because she was acting crazy. She was important to me and I want to reconcile but I don't want to msg her for fear...
A. 9 May 2021: Please don't scratch that itch. Ever.
People rarely change drastically. Maybe if they were a 100 they might come down to a 90, but you don't ever see anyone go from 100 to 20.
Why do you even want to get back with your ex? What good could ... (read in full...)
I don't think our marriage is going to work unless I just hold everything in
Q. I won't go into the lengthy background but my wife and I have been together for about 10 years. We've had our ups and downs, nothing big - nobody has ever cheated or anything like that. But the biggest problem we've always had is not that we argue ...
A. 22 April 2021: I think your wife cannot handle any kind of criticism and for some reason is not happy with her self...and when I say happy, I mean she doesn't possess that kind of inner happiness, security and sense of well-being that comes from within. I don't ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend of 8 years cheating on me again or am I paranoid?
Q. I've been with boyfriend since 2013. We are now both in our 30s. We moved in together pretty quickly. I found out a year into the relationship that he had been lying to and had been chatting to girls online. I told him I was leaving to start my life ...
A. 10 January 2021: What is it that's keeping you in the relationship? Don't you think you've had more than enough? Don't you think you deserve better? Why are you putting yourself through this torture? What is he promising you? So you see yourself getting married to ... (read in full...)
What's going through the head of this man when he responds strangely to me pointing out him being married?
Q. There is this man who works in the same building as I do. He is not a coworker but works in facilities. Not knowing be was married, we would sometimes flirt with each other. However, after 4 months, he recently slipped into conversation tha...
A. 26 November 2020: Don't mess with a married man because it will not go anywhere. You are the one who stands to get hurt the most. There are plenty of unattached men out there for you to crush on. Is he attracted to you? Probably a bit, but more than that I think he's ... (read in full...)
Is she smitten with me?
Q. I am confused and more unsure than I have ever been. I have always been a good guy who is confident and I always know what to do. But with this lovely woman I am unsure. We work together, and she is in a relationship she is dissatisfied wit...
A. 25 May 2020: Is SHE smitten with you? More like you're smitten with her!
You're flirting with her, trying to get her to like you, reading into her tone of voice, into her actions.
The only advice I could give you would be to stay away from this "lovely wom... (read in full...)
What are examples of someone being a co-pilot in a relationship?
Q. I have been torturing myself wondering why I was not good enough for my ex-boyfriend. He made a comment to me that will forever haunt me. He said I was never his "co-pilot" and that "I will never be what he wants me to be". I don't understand what ...
A. 10 May 2020: He means you could never get yourself to be on the same page as him. That you and he didn't work well together.
He sounds very pompous OP. You will never be what he wants you to be? Well that's a good thing because you're your own person and not ... (read in full...)
I don't think I should be his go to person every time he needs something
Q. My story is as old as world. Here it goes: I am in my 40s, moderately comfortable financially , love to travel . One day decided to go to Africa and met a guy. My age, divorced , bringing up his small son. And taking care of couple relative...
A. 27 April 2020: Why should you even pay for the school? Yes, children need education but you are not responsible for his child! This is ridiculous! How and why is he accepting money from you? Stop all financial transactions immediately, no 10%, no 5%, not even ... (read in full...)
Was it silly to throw away my entire life on the back end of a few messages and meetings?
Q. I’m 6 months out of a long term relationship. When we first got together he had what I can only describe as a flirtationship with a woman at work - just messages and flirting and I let it go, but assured him next time it happened he would be gone. ...
A. 27 January 2020: Well that really depends on your beliefs. You said you would not tolerate cheating on any level and you stuck to your stand. Given that your boyfriend was fooling around behind your back, your anger was understandable. So what's changed now? ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wont even text me while another boy will talk for hours on the phone.
Q. my boyfriend don't give me the attention that I need in he always making excuses about why he did not talk to me. But it is another boy that like me in he been there for me more than him in. me in the other boy be on the phone for 10 hours or 8 ...
A. 20 January 2020: Who do you live with and what do you do for a living that you have 8-10 hours of spare time each day to talk endlessly on the phone? What on earth do you even talk about for 8-10 hours?!
I think this is a troll but just in case it's not, maybe your... (read in full...)
I'm trying to put myself in my boyfriend's ex's shoes and wonder why she's behaving the way that she is, but I can't imagine why
Q. My boyfriend's ex is still in the picture but on the peripherals, and I'm finding it hard to understand why. I have tried, so I'm just going to put the facts, coupled with my thoughts, and would like anyone to give me their feedback on what they ...
A. 18 January 2020: You're reading far too much into this. I don't think she should be this important for you because your analysis of each action of hers is frankly unnecessary and also a little obsessive.
She sounds pretty harmless actually; all she does is "lik... (read in full...)
I can't seem to get over that my partner cheated on me last year. How can l reconcile this and move forward with life?
Q. I found out my partner cheated when he was out of the country last year. But he continued to call me every evening, said the I love you's, and the I miss you's. He was still plugged into the relationship. I've struggled since to get over it. He has ...
A. 11 January 2020: My question to you, OP, is, why are you with him still when being with him is causing you pain and the relationship is not the same anymore? Do you think you can't do without him? Is it an ego thing? That you can't bear him leaving your for someone ... (read in full...)
A commenter on facebook assumed I was being creepy.
Q. Hi ladies and gents, I am angry and a little bit sad/disappointed and I can't let it go. A friend on Facebook posted about the amount of layers they have to wear in this weather, going into great detail of the gloves, the t-shirt, walking soc...
A. 10 January 2020: But here's the thing. Why would you think it's funny or even appropriate to comment on someone's underwear on a public platform? It's a totally different thing if you're having a one-on-one private message conversation but doing it on a public ... (read in full...)
Why did my husband go my sister-in-law's house when he knows I dislike her?
Q. Let me give you a little background first before asking the question. My husband and i live in city A, his brother and his wife live in city B, and all our parents are based in city C. We wre all currently in city C with our our respective paren...
A. 3 January 2020: I really don't see how the husband is at fault, as the previous aunt says. You let your pettiness and jealousy go too far and hence you were excluded. Why would she invite you when it sounds like you've never had a good thing to say to her or about ... (read in full...)
The affair ended when I became jealous that she had sex with her husband but I love her and want her back
Q. I have no interest in anything since my affair with a woman I cared deeply for ended. I had an affair for over a year with my cousins wife months before the affair I was attracted to this woman she made my heart race and made me imagine life in ...
A. 3 January 2020: Why don't you leave her first if your marriage is as dead as you say it is? Neither of you will leave your spouse but have no problem fooling around. What advice did you think you'd get here?... (read in full...)
I'm in love with a boy who brought his girlfriend to my house to sleep.
Q. Dear Aunties, Happy New year. I am a 36 yr old male. I have been with this 21 year old boy. We have a huge age difference. I have wanted this boy to be my boyfriend for a while now. He has been resistant to my advances and asked me to be patient...
A. 1 January 2020:
I doubt this guy is even gay... He's bisexual at best and is toying you along. Find another place to live and forget this guy. Nothing good can come from this arrangement. ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my mental health.
Q. I'm scared i'm sinking into depression and can't pull myself out of it. I'm a Mum of one (teenager) and came out of a long term relationship in October. When I had my child, I battled post-natal depression for several years and so I think I c...
A. 1 January 2020: Feeling blue around the holidays is not new. Then there's the lack of adequate sunshine, the perpetual cold weather and the fact that most people are busy with family, so what happens is those alone, feel very lonely. I think that's what's happening ... (read in full...)
Split for a month and I slept with someone else.
Q. Hey aunts and uncles I am in a real dilemma, I have been with my man over four years,we have had our ups and downs and he often goes away for a few days and ignored me. A few times we have agreed to split and the last time we did was for a month. I...
A. 24 December 2019: You're old enough to know this isn't a healthy relationship and if this is your basis for love, then I don't think there's anything left to be said.
Do you really see yourself having kids with this man while making up and breaking up more time... (read in full...)
Why is my ex giving me mixed signals?
Q. My ex messaged me 3 times this month. Him and have not spoken in months. The first, “ he asked if I had any plans for my birthday” A few days later, “Just Happy Birthday” A few days later again he said, “ I hope your taking care of yoursel...
A. 16 December 2019: I don't understand how your ex is able to contact you if you say he's blocked on everything. He's obviously not!
OP you have to remember that you can't control the other person but you certainly have full control over what YOU can do, think and ... (read in full...)
My ex is at college with me and he comes up and tries to start arguments with me. How should I act?
Q. Hello agony aunts. I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago, because we basically went through a lot of arguments the last couple of months. It's been a really stressful relationship and very toxic, and every time during a fight he would blame me for ...
A. 15 December 2019: Your ex is taking advantage of your silence. Some people need to be told loud and clear that they need to back off and your ex is one of them. The next time he comes to talk to you, talk to him clearly.
"Listen to me clearly for the last time. Yo... (read in full...)
Do I tell the girl he's engaged to that he sexted me whilst seeing her?
Q. Hi everyone. Last year, I graduated from college, and I seem to have had an issue with a guy I slept with one time. Basically, I came into college as a virgin, dated one guy for a bit, and then was single for the remainder of college. It was a sm...
A. 11 December 2019: Leave her alone. She probably knows he's an asshole and is choosing to turn a blind eye. If not, let her find out on her own time. This guy is a clever, conniving creep and when push comes to shove, who do you think she'll trust? Her fiance or some ... (read in full...)
On the first date she said she loved me, then made love to me and said she doesn't remember a thing.
Q. Would love ya’lls thoughts on the following story. This is part one of 2. I’m currently feeling drained and completely destroyed by a woman. Please help me decipher the type of woman she is and where I went wrong. Me: 38yrs old, above average...
A. 25 October 2019: Oh God she's just not worth it! Do you really see yourself with this person who has no class whatsoever and who is playing you like there's no tomorrow? Stop being silly and wake up from your sex haze. Hopefully there's no part 2, believe me, you ... (read in full...)
Why would my ex lie and tell me he had no family when he did?
Q. I dated my ex for about a year, it was a year full of ups and downs, tiring for me mentally. We always had alot of problems, but i was naive enough to be manipulated by him because he's my first boyfriend. Basically, when i first met him, he told me ...
A. 17 October 2019: The fact of the matter is that he is not to be trusted. He doesn't sound like someone you want to associate with and you did the right thing breaking up with him. It's way too complicated, he's a liar with a complex relationship with his family and ... (read in full...)
Am I being an egomaniac or does this matter?
Q. Hi, I am a 38 year old female and have been dating a 45 year old man for 4 months. In that time 2.5 months has been long distance. We were recently having a conversation and I mentioned that a long time ago I was dating someone who a lot of people ...
A. 10 October 2019: You're used to being praised since you were young and kept on a pedestal by people. You want people to keep saying how pretty you are and what a catch you are. It's become almost a habit with you, to be praised and made to feel special. When that ... (read in full...)
I blocked him. Did I make a rash decision?
Q. So my ex and I broke up about a year and a half ago now, due to him having to move away for a job and me not being able to go at the time cause I hadn’t graduated college yet. It was tough for both of us but I basically cut him out cold turkey, up ...
A. 26 August 2019: You seem to have a terrible problem with communication. Your way of dealing with problems is to run away from them. When it comes to fight or flight, you choose flight instantly.
Blocking people should only happen when someone is botherin... (read in full...)
Want to make sure this guy is on the same page as me
Q. I’ve been seeing a lovely man for nearly 4 months now. We met online and arranged a date a few days later and it’s been amazing ever since. He has his own home and 3 children (2 boys 11yr and 13yrs and a 5yr old girl) from a previous relationship ...
A. 24 August 2019: Dont push for anything. See where he wants to take things himself and sooner rather than later, you'll get the picture. These things should be organic...simple and natural. When I first started dating my husband, he couldn't wait for me to meet his ... (read in full...)
Should I confront him or break it off?
Q. I have been seeing him for just over two months. We have a great connection, the sex is amazing and we can talk for hours. We are comfortable around each other. It’s really great most of the time. I noticed when I started seeing him that he had ...
A. 19 August 2019: When I started reading your post I was thinking this must be one real catch of a guy- a young hot 30 something globetrotter go-getter with glamorous ex girlfriends. And then came the real details. Lives with his mother, broke, middle aged, balding ... (read in full...)
Wife is angry that I hugged a co-worker
Q. My wife is angry I hugged a female former co-worker/friend that I have known for 10 years. When we seen this old co worker I have not seen her in 2 years and she is over 20 years older than me. She has met my kids. When my mother passed she sent ...
A. 19 August 2019: The first obvious thought that comes to mind is that your wife is insecure, petty and jealous. She's using the ultimate threat of removing her wedding ring which means she's trying to manipulate you.
Then again when you look closely and think, i... (read in full...)
I know he wasn't the man for me but it's so hard to move on
Q. I married the man of my dreams this past November. In May, I learned that he's been having an affair since February, barely three months into our marriage. I moved out and we filed for a non-contested divorce. Now I'm finally free of him and decided ...
A. 19 August 2019: OP as far as I know, someone doesn't just cheat out the blue. It cannot be that everything was absolutely hunky dory for 5 years and then one day he got up, went out, met someone and decided to sleep with her.
It must have been going on for long... (read in full...)
I know he wasn't the man for me but it's so hard to move on
Q. I married the man of my dreams this past November. In May, I learned that he's been having an affair since February, barely three months into our marriage. I moved out and we filed for a non-contested divorce. Now I'm finally free of him and decided ...
A. 19 August 2019: OP as far as I know, someone doesn't just cheat out the blue. It cannot be that everything was absolutely hunky dory for 5 years and then one day he got up, went out, met someone and decided to sleep with her.
It must have been going on for long... (read in full...)
My wife and I are sexually incompatible and I'd like to know how I can kill my libido
Q. I am 30 years old and married. I love my wife very much but we have never had the best sex life. I knew from the beginning that we weren't a perfect match sexually but, when we talked about it, she always said that she thought she would get more ...
A. 7 August 2019: But here's the thing. You CAN'T kill your libido. Can you kill hunger? Thirst? Love? Hate? Fear? Similarly, you can't kill your sex drive which is a basic instinct.
You know you are mismatched; you're right. Where you're wrong is, you're actually... (read in full...)
I don't feel the love anymore and wonder if he is cheating
Q. I think my boyfriend is cheating on me but I have no proof. We have been together for 2.5 years. Probably within the past 5-6 months our relationship has changed drastically and it hasn't gotten any better. I am feeling so unwanted and alone. I feel ...
A. 5 August 2019: Why are you still around when there's almost nothing on offer for you? He's dodgy and treating you like crap, the sex is non existent as is the communication, he prioritises his so called "friends" more than you, and Facebook is more important for ... (read in full...)
Even divorcees with kids have it better than me when it comes to dating and marriage! What am I doing wrong?
Q. This is more like a frustration rant. My last relationship ended years ago. Since then, I have been going on dates, dating events etc but have not found anyone suitable. A year back, I have also signed with matchmaking agencies where I spent over ...
A. 3 August 2019: I don't mean to sound like I'm sermonising but I truly feel that you should never compare yourself to others. Maybe they just met the right person at the right time or maybe they're just really quick to fall in love. They're divorcees so they've ... (read in full...)
Do I have to invite this person to my party?
Q. I'm having a birthday party soon.I have to restrict numbers because of budget. Some of the people coming are frinds of my gf- I've been with her for 10 years. There's one particular guy I can't stand. He often makes digs at me, and although never d...
A. 30 July 2019: Right now you don't have much of a moral ground to say anything because you've been to this guy's parties so it just makes your look like a petulant child when you don't want to return the favour by inviting him to yours.
Invite him this one last... (read in full...)
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