Like what
she writes?
... Add *ndie's Thoughts to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *ndie's Thoughts a private message | | *ndie's Thoughts's Ratings | |
| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
|
Is it possible for beauty to love the beast?
Q. I am posting this question partly out of my own insecurities but also because some people are talking behind my back. I am a virgin who is in his first relationship. My girlfriend is a friend from school who got divorced not too long ago. I used to ...
A. 8 June 2019: A website called "beautifulpeople.com" is MEANT to be shallow, hence the URL. Most people would get kicked out for not being model-like. That doesn't mean you're "more ugly" than the average person.
Ignore her family. Attractiveness to others i... (read in full...)
My boyfriend treats me like glass since I'm a virgin
Q. Hi y’all. I’ve taken some of your advice to put myself out there and date and get to know a guy. He’s actually a classmate of mine and my friends set us up. We’ve been dating for for a while but he treats me differently. The conversation of sex c...
A. 7 June 2019: Well done, OP. I disagree with a certain response because it’s dismissive and judgemental, so I’m glad you’ve asserted yourself and accepted that you deserve better. It’s great when a guy respects you, virginity or not, but going on about it and ... (read in full...)
Crushing on the Walmart guy!
Q. I'm going to try and keep this as short as possible! I have been single for almost 4 years. I haven't dated anyone I just haven't found anyone that I'm interested in until now. A few months ago I seen this guy that works at my local Walmar...
A. 7 June 2019: That’s great, just go slow. Him already knowing your daughter’s dad isn’t always a good thing and he’s still a new guy, so no more “the one” stuff.... (read in full...)
Abusive actions, abusive words, messaging other women—I feel I just don’t know him anymore!
Q. Hi, I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 8years. We have talked about marriage and having children and settling down. We currently live together. For the past few months however I just haven’t been happy. We’ve been arguing a lot and we just feel...
A. 6 June 2019: I'll give you two examples to think about. It may seem long and irrelevant, but bear with it. A is 29. She has been with D for 12 years. He cheated once when they were about 17, so they broke up, but not for long and he hasn't cheated again (a... (read in full...)
Is he wanting my home number?
Q. Ok so I have a strong attraction for a much younger junior guy in my line of work. We get on well, are both single and have a definite chemistry (e.g. laughs and jokes, tease each other etc) and although I look quite good for my age, I feel I'm ...
A. 6 June 2019: "Don't sh*t where you eat".... What will happen if you ask him out and he's not interested or if you try to date and it doesn't work out? Are you happy to change jobs and/or be the centre of office gossip? Some people do meet their partners at work, ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to lie about a vasectomy?
Q. I just ended a 10 month relationship. I ended it because he admitted he lied to me about having a vasectomy at the beginning of our relationship. Is this a common occurrence? I have never heard of a man lying about birth control before and I am ...
A. 6 June 2019: It's a massive breach of trust and consent. Don't rely on pulling out, though. No birth control, including vasectomies, is completely reliable. Always use two types of birth control and contraception. Do not get back with this liar either - ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend treats me like glass since I'm a virgin
Q. Hi y’all. I’ve taken some of your advice to put myself out there and date and get to know a guy. He’s actually a classmate of mine and my friends set us up. We’ve been dating for for a while but he treats me differently. The conversation of sex c...
A. 6 June 2019: Waiting a while is a good idea whether you’re a virgin or not, but him constantly going on about you being unique/special purely based on that is a little odd. If you plan to be in a relationship and possibly have sex with a partner, you HAVE to be ... (read in full...)
My wife has put our marriage in jeopardy because she's been hiding things
Q. I have been poly and pansexual since I can remember. I met my wife 4 years ago. She is also pansexual and poly, but unexperienced in the lifestyle. We have had threesomes together (all with men) in that time, and even found ourselves a boyfriend, ...
A. 5 June 2019: You need to set out firmer rules. Why have a marriage if that isn’t your primary relationship in a poly lifestyle? They’re new to her, so you’re not as fun to spend time with.
Time to sit down, tell her how you’re feeling and fix this or let the ... (read in full...)
Is it possible for beauty to love the beast?
Q. I am posting this question partly out of my own insecurities but also because some people are talking behind my back. I am a virgin who is in his first relationship. My girlfriend is a friend from school who got divorced not too long ago. I used to ...
A. 5 June 2019: Looks fade. Love for the person keeps it going. COMMUNICATE. She’s with you for a reason. If she’s not a bitch, she’s unlikely to be with you for money. Time to establish what you both want sexually because she may be feeling the same thing. The ... (read in full...)
Crushing on the Walmart guy!
Q. I'm going to try and keep this as short as possible! I have been single for almost 4 years. I haven't dated anyone I just haven't found anyone that I'm interested in until now. A few months ago I seen this guy that works at my local Walmar...
A. 5 June 2019: OP, time for a single mothers’ group. He’s not the one. You don’t KNOW him. You need to stop rushing off into fantasies because it’s not good for you or your child. You’re an adult and a mother - those things both mean you need to stop allowing ... (read in full...)
I'm trying to be a good brother but do I need to tell my parents what my sister is saying?
Q. I am 15 years old and my sister is 14 years old. She is a cancer survivor and has been in remission for two years. The other night when we were home alone, she started crying and her room so I asked her what was wrong. She said she felt bad for...
A. 4 June 2019: You are a great brother! Well done for being supportive :) I wouldn’t tell your parents this, unless she starts talking about beyond kissing or bad depression - then I’d tell your mum, if she’s not judgemental, so she can give your sister girl ... (read in full...)
I'd like to talk to this older man but I'm unsure of how to go about it
Q. There is someone I went to speak to, but I'm no sure what to say and whether he find the fact I want to talk to him strange as there is as 17 year ago different, he's older, I always wouldn't know how to phrase my message to him so that he doesn't ...
A. 3 June 2019: What do you want to come of this? If not a relationship, it's probably not worth it. If a relationship, what do you think you'll have in common with someone 17 years older? Some friendships/relationships like that work, but it's rare for a reason.
... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has no interest in sex. How can I ignite a sexual spark in her? ...
Q. So me and my girlfriend have been going out for about four months. We're both virgins but she isn't interested in sex at all. She says she feels no sexual desires at all which is frustrating because she's always leaving me with blue balls. She says ...
A. 3 June 2019: Just to add, it's not unusual to be squeamish about bodily fluids. Some will say she's immature or just not ready, but some people just can't stomach dealing with blood, ejaculate, vomit, etc., no matter how natural it is. You just have to use ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has no interest in sex. How can I ignite a sexual spark in her? ...
Q. So me and my girlfriend have been going out for about four months. We're both virgins but she isn't interested in sex at all. She says she feels no sexual desires at all which is frustrating because she's always leaving me with blue balls. She says ...
A. 3 June 2019: Either she wants to wait a bit longer (4 months isn't very long) or she just isn't ready/wanting to have sex and you're not compatible. Lots of people wait anywhere from 6+ months before having sex with someone, especially if a virgin. She may b... (read in full...)
She thanked me, said she had a good time but also said she is not looking for anything serious
Q. I matched and got talking to a girl on a online dating app.. Few messages later went out for dinner. Holy smokes she is stunning. I don’t have a clue how it went. She kept thanking me and saying she had a good time. But also said she is not looking ...
A. 31 May 2019: Nothing in your post suggested you were or weren’t a gentleman or that you had anything in common, you were just attracted to her. If you want something serious, be excited by more than their appearance and don’t pursue this woman.... (read in full...)
What are some Acts of Service that don't involve a ton of chores or cleaning?
Q. My husband's love language is Acts of Service. He's an ambitious man with a high stress job, and has to bring work home a couple nights as week. I try to use this time to do some of his/our chores so he doesn't have to do them. I also like to make ...
A. 30 May 2019: Great news, OP! It’s so refreshing to see a couple work it out like that and both put effort into using the other’s love language. A maid service and robot vacuum will help. People who work full-time definitely won’t feel up to doing lots of chores! ... (read in full...)
I'm married and am infatuated with a man who is also in a relationship
Q. I am a married woman and I have developed an infatuation with another man. He is in a relationship too. I don’t know a great deal about him but I know he too fancies me. He has made it clear and has asked me out. I have never been unfaithful ...
A. 29 May 2019: In the nicest possible way, you have two options: - Marriage Counselling - Divorce If your husband is unaware of these issues, it won't improve - even if you've told him and he just hasn't realised how serious it is. By flirting with thi... (read in full...)
What are some Acts of Service that don't involve a ton of chores or cleaning?
Q. My husband's love language is Acts of Service. He's an ambitious man with a high stress job, and has to bring work home a couple nights as week. I try to use this time to do some of his/our chores so he doesn't have to do them. I also like to make ...
A. 29 May 2019: Definitely work out a routine. Most people don't like chores, so it's understandable that you don't want to do all of them all the time. Then the chores get done by both of you, in a way and frequency you can both agree on and maybe once a fortnight ... (read in full...)
Are there any laws on verbal abuse?
Q. Hello there, What is your view on verbal abuse? I was having a drink with a kinda newish 'friend' (a friend of my estranged brothers - who are both violent narcissists but no-one knows my past with them) and he suddenly turned the subject into...
A. 29 May 2019: OP, "motivesplaining"? Not a thing. Like genuinely not a thing. You're being very stubborn and immature about this (on here). Whilst his actions were unacceptable, they weren't legally abusive and you being stubborn made the situation continue. ... (read in full...)
A troubling situation is arising my dad is becoming a creep
Q. Firstly,my dad has never abused or molested me growing up and he was actually very protective of me and my sister. Now even as an adult my father will do anything for me and he has expressed that I'm his favorite child. I never felt weird around my ...
A. 28 May 2019: You tell him once more (in written proof!) that it’s has to stop or you will report him to the police. This isn’t just creepy; it’s harassment. Also, do NOT drink with him or be alone together any time soon.... (read in full...)
What is the average age for first time sex for a girl?
Q. how old is the average age when a girl has sex for the first time?? ...
A. 28 May 2019: I’ve known several women who have had sex for the first time any age between 17 and 28. Some are older than that because of abstinence until marriage.
The only ones I’ve known or heard regret it was when they looked back and felt too young or... (read in full...)
Are there any laws on verbal abuse?
Q. Hello there, What is your view on verbal abuse? I was having a drink with a kinda newish 'friend' (a friend of my estranged brothers - who are both violent narcissists but no-one knows my past with them) and he suddenly turned the subject into...
A. 28 May 2019: OP, verbal abuse is more than this. Typically, it is one-way without continuing the debate whilst they are being verbally abusive. Had you not continued the debate, it could have passed into verbal abuse. This was someone being rude and shouting at ... (read in full...)
Are there any laws on verbal abuse?
Q. Hello there, What is your view on verbal abuse? I was having a drink with a kinda newish 'friend' (a friend of my estranged brothers - who are both violent narcissists but no-one knows my past with them) and he suddenly turned the subject into...
A. 27 May 2019: OP, this is not abuse. Verbal abuse is a thing, but this isn’t it. This is just a jerk using his right to free speech. You can’t put that kind of thing behind you, even the first time. It shows what they’re like and what they believe. It was always ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is divorced but still treats matters as though he is married
Q. First I want to apologize for my English. Well my story is very simple. I have a boyfriend, who lives with me 1 year ago and we are together for almost 2 years. When I met him, he was separated to almost 3 years but he still married and promised me ...
A. 24 May 2019: Unfortunately, you made the mistake of dating someone who was still married. Separated is still married. Divorced is no longer married and now free to date others.
It's good he'll move out and you can move on.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend cant see my point of view and issued an ultimatum
Q. I'm in a bit of a dilemma as I've just started a relationship with a girl who I really thought was the one. We've been going out for about four months now and I really do love her and she loves me. She's just been on a massive rant to me today ...
A. 24 May 2019: I’m sorry, OP, but this isn’t love. You don’t truly love someone after only 4 months; there’s not enough time for proper substance yet. Add to that her incredibly controlling and paranoid attitude, you will waste months or years of your life with ... (read in full...)
I can't stand my partner's family but I can't ask him to give them up. What can I do?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for some years now. We have 3 children together. He has 4, another from a previous relationship that he never gets to see because things ended badly. So when we first got together, he vaguely referenced his family b...
A. 24 May 2019: Now that you’ve added this: tell your boyfriend he needs to have a word with them and be on your side going forward or you will leave. From the sounds of it, I’m not sure his ex-girlfriend situation is on her, considering how toxic his family is and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is divorced but still treats matters as though he is married
Q. First I want to apologize for my English. Well my story is very simple. I have a boyfriend, who lives with me 1 year ago and we are together for almost 2 years. When I met him, he was separated to almost 3 years but he still married and promised me ...
A. 23 May 2019: Things are different for different people. Some exes remain friends, particularly if they have children together, and help out when necessary.
Personally, I'd think paying her bills is too much, though, unless he's actually just continui... (read in full...)
I can't stand my partner's family but I can't ask him to give them up. What can I do?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for some years now. We have 3 children together. He has 4, another from a previous relationship that he never gets to see because things ended badly. So when we first got together, he vaguely referenced his family b...
A. 23 May 2019: Firstly, marriage is important for the security of your children, regardless of how you feel about the titles. You don't have to have a full blown wedding or anything religious, but it would be wise to be legally married for the security. In t... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is very casual about his daughters' privacy and I find it very very odd
Q. Ive been seeing a guy who's super awesome. We're both single parents of two girls each. They stay the night frequently. My girls are 9 and 13, his are 9 and 11. Despite having lived in an all girl house for the last 5 years or so, my daughters and ...
A. 21 May 2019: BrownWolf, privacy is a big thing all across the world - not just North America :) Dads with no creepy behaviours don’t sniff their daughters laundry and *deliberately* walk in on them.... (read in full...)
My 24 year old son is physically abusive occasionally
Q. Hello I really appreciate this site. Thank you for making it. I’d find it very helpful. This time I have a family related question and I’d appreciate an suggestions/recommendations you can give me thank you. What’s happened is that I have a ...
A. 21 May 2019: You look out for your other children and let consequences catch up with the 24 year old. Advise him to get anger management, but also advise your other children not to be alone with him because he is unpredictable.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend goes too quickly during sex. How do I talk to him about it?
Q. I don’t know how to talk to my boyfriend about this without him saying i dont like out s*x life or making him feel bad. I love what wr have but he tends to finish too quickly, 2 days ago it was probably 30 seconds, and it has happened before but it ...
A. 21 May 2019: If you’re ready to have sex, you need to be ready to discuss it. If you can’t, you shouldn’t be having sex.
He is selfish. You need to tell him straight up that you will no longer accept him not trying to pleasure you too. You will not spit so ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is very casual about his daughters' privacy and I find it very very odd
Q. Ive been seeing a guy who's super awesome. We're both single parents of two girls each. They stay the night frequently. My girls are 9 and 13, his are 9 and 11. Despite having lived in an all girl house for the last 5 years or so, my daughters and ...
A. 20 May 2019: Yeah, no. Family differences aren't cultural. He's clueless, but he could look online for advice. He IS being creepy. Girls are MEANT to smell a little down below; our bodies clean themselves out. Their father is not supposed to do anything other ... (read in full...)
We're both unhappy in our marriages and have a long history. Should we have sex?
Q. When I was a teenager While visiting family i met a boy, through high school we crushed back and forth on each other secretly and living in different ends of the country made it impossible for anything to happen. As young adults be told me he liked ...
A. 20 May 2019: Guarantee or not, you're still cheating. IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY, LEAVE. Don't destroy your family with this emotional affair.
Male anon, what terrible advice. Being faithful to your partner isn't about "religious BS". It breaks people to find out thei... (read in full...)
We're both unhappy in our marriages and have a long history. Should we have sex?
Q. When I was a teenager While visiting family i met a boy, through high school we crushed back and forth on each other secretly and living in different ends of the country made it impossible for anything to happen. As young adults be told me he liked ...
A. 19 May 2019: Then stop doing everything for your husband and do stuff for yourself - EXCEPT flirting and cheating.
Jokingly talking about sex doesn’t cancel out your “Am I making a mistake by joining him for the night ?” Yes, yes you would be making a mistake.... (read in full...)
Why can’t he say that promise when I’m having an anxiety attack?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 6 years. We we've been together since school. We live each other very much but last year my anxiety got worse which nearly resulted in us breaking up. When this happened I went through a period of ...
A. 19 May 2019: I have extremely bad anxiety too, but you are asking your boyfriend to lie. Calming you down shouldn't cost him his own conscience. You WILL cause exactly what you fear if you pressure him into pandering to you when you have a panic attack.
OP, y... (read in full...)
My husband looks at young women in porn and tells me I should just be happy he's still having sex with me despite my shortcomings
Q. My husband looks at porn of women around 18- 20 . I’m entering menopause and feeling extremely depressed about my changes to my body such as less elasticity and lubrication wrinkles etc . I’m fit and healthy but nothing makes me as young as the ...
A. 18 May 2019: Anon Female:
- Porn is cheating for some people and not for others, you just need to be with someone who feels the same way.
- Not everybody masturbates.
- Going on a MILF app is still cheating, whether you hook up with anyone or not and c... (read in full...)
We're both unhappy in our marriages and have a long history. Should we have sex?
Q. When I was a teenager While visiting family i met a boy, through high school we crushed back and forth on each other secretly and living in different ends of the country made it impossible for anything to happen. As young adults be told me he liked ...
A. 18 May 2019: OP, yo're already cheating. You're emotionally cheating. Stop it. Cheating DESTROYS people - it destroys CHILDREN. It's never okay to cheat and it will BREAK your family.
If you're unhappy in your marriage, get couples' counselling and/or leave. D... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is very casual about his daughters' privacy and I find it very very odd
Q. Ive been seeing a guy who's super awesome. We're both single parents of two girls each. They stay the night frequently. My girls are 9 and 13, his are 9 and 11. Despite having lived in an all girl house for the last 5 years or so, my daughters and ...
A. 18 May 2019: He should not be washing or dressing them, full stop. I don't know of a culture where spending time around your naked daughter after 6 or 7 years old is normal. By that age, if you're worried about them, you stand outside a closed door, not in there ... (read in full...)
My husband looks at young women in porn and tells me I should just be happy he's still having sex with me despite my shortcomings
Q. My husband looks at porn of women around 18- 20 . I’m entering menopause and feeling extremely depressed about my changes to my body such as less elasticity and lubrication wrinkles etc . I’m fit and healthy but nothing makes me as young as the ...
A. 17 May 2019: "he invalidates my feelings and says all men prefer a hot young body and I should be happy he has sex with me" would push me out the door. It's rude, insensitive and not the kind of man you want in your life.
I have to say that "I can't imagine ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to have sex with my aunt who's now divorced from my uncle?
Q. My non-biological aunt and I are considering a sexual relationship. She divorced my uncle about 8 months ago and got completely cut off from my family until I messaged her. We have gone on a few "dates" and been sexual but only with our hands (i.e. ...
A. 17 May 2019: Don't be an idiot, OP. This is a stupid idea and she's just reeling from the divorce, wanting to get revenge. What better revenge than sleeping with her nephew? You'll probably do it anyway, if this isn't some fantasy you've cooked up, but y... (read in full...)
I'm completely infatuated with a married man who's my boyfriend's friend!
Q. I just need someone to tell me that I’m crazy and maybe give me some advice on how to move on. I feel like I’m a high school girl! I’m 21 and I’m completely infatuated with a 40 year old married man who also happens to be very close with my ...
A. 17 May 2019: Older? Forbidden? Perfect for an unrealistic fantasy life. It's common to have a crush on someone you don't know inside out. You're not crazy, but you will need to keep reminding yourself that you're both unavailable and your fantasy life with him ... (read in full...)
I don't want my ex to go back with his former ex!
Q. My ex and I split up 3 months ago. We have 2 children together that he still sees regular;y. I didnt want to split and I still love him but we argued too much and our relationship became so toxic it had to end. But now his ex-fiance, who h...
A. 16 May 2019: OP, time to take responsibility and get professional help. This is raw and you need proper support. No more drinking, especially while your kids are home - need motivation for that? Read up on the struggles of children who grew up around alcohol ... (read in full...)
| *ndie's Thoughts's friends
These are mutual friends, so *ndie's Thoughts has
added them and they have added *ndie's Thoughts!
|
