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*ndie's Thoughts agony aunt

*ndie's Thoughts

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*ndie's Thoughts's profile:

I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)

Karma does happen:

My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy.

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Do they really have these outrageous bills in Nigeria?

Q.   I have wrote here before. I had some good advice. It was about my Nigerian husband. I mentioned his mood swings , and I’m unable to ask any questions without his temper flaring up. Ai also mentioned his spending ways and his expections that ...

A.   5 May 2019: Look for support groups for those scammed by foreign men and women. Join one. Sit there and LISTEN. You WILL spot the huge red flags that you're currently ignoring. He is NOT your husband and you ARE in denial. That's not rude, but it feels rude ... (read in full...)

How do I tell my girlfriend her bed isn't comfortable?

Q.   I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a few months. So far everything has gone great. The problem I have is that I think her bed is super uncomfortable. Her mattress is a 3 inch thick piece of foam. Her blanket is 4 or 5 layers of thin blankets that ...

A.   5 May 2019: OP, you're so early on in your relationship. You're still strangers romantically. Just don't sleep over at hers often. Having said that, if you feel confident enough to sleep together, you should feel confident enough to tell her you want to pop ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend's perfectionism over grades is making me feel critisized. How can we talk about it?

Q.   My girlfriend is a perfectionist and a very anxious person. She's in her 4th year of college and just submitted her dissertation this week. After submitting it, she must have cried for at least an hour, because she "knew it wasn't good enough". ...

A.   5 May 2019: First of all, perseverance is more useful in life than passing with no issues. You need to step back and not take her expectations for herself as criticism of you. It's not an easy thing to do, but you can't be together if you take her upset about ... (read in full...)

Do they really have these outrageous bills in Nigeria?

Q.   I have wrote here before. I had some good advice. It was about my Nigerian husband. I mentioned his mood swings , and I’m unable to ask any questions without his temper flaring up. Ai also mentioned his spending ways and his expections that ...

A.   2 May 2019: You are being scammed. This is not a marriage. I don’t know how many times we can advise that you leave him before you wake up to what’s going on.... (read in full...)

I just want to know that I am sane. He made me feel crazy

Q.   I have posted about this particular man some years back. I met this European man on a dating website. For almost 4 years of whatsapp messages, we have only video called on Skype twice, the first video call was both our ideas and the second video ...

A.   1 May 2019: OP, you can’t be friends with this 41 year old. He doesn’t want friendship; he wants an ego boost from someone in another country whom he won’t need to commit to. That’s why you should block him. No friendship attempts or you’re still on the hook. ... (read in full...)

I just want to know that I am sane. He made me feel crazy

Q.   I have posted about this particular man some years back. I met this European man on a dating website. For almost 4 years of whatsapp messages, we have only video called on Skype twice, the first video call was both our ideas and the second video ...

A.   29 April 2019: OP, this is silly. He won’t even speak to you on the phone regularly, so what makes you think he’d come to visit you?! If he did, it would be for sex, nothing more. I’m sorry that this will hurt, but you need to stop being naive and block him PERM... (read in full...)

Do you believe in reincarnation or soulmates?

Q.   Do any of you believe in reincarnation or soulmates? My partner and I have such a deep connection that was so instant that it was like we've known each other for years. So I was just curious if anyone else has experienced anything similar. ...

A.   27 April 2019: “Love at first sight” - no way. You don’t know them, so it’s just attraction. I know you didn’t ask that, but it’s linked. “Soulmates”.... to a degree. I think it’s a really lovely idea, but I don’t think there’s just one for each person. I think ... (read in full...)

Is Rimming really as risky as they say?

Q.   OK so this is a bit embarrassing, which is why I'm posting this anonymously but basically me and my boyfriend have been 'experimenting' in the bedroom lately and decided to try anal sex/play. I wasn't a fan of the sex as it hurt quite a bit but what ...

A.   26 April 2019: I get that you have the coil, but two forms of contraception is more effective than one. Pleasure is only any good if it doesn’t end up with a negative consequence. Same goes for not using a dental dam. It may not be the sexiest thing, but neither ... (read in full...)

My mother threatens to cut me off over the clothes I wear

Q.   I'm a 31 year old woman who lives and works away from my parents. My parents were never the overly controlling kind, although my mother is kind of very conservative when it comes to certain things. She doesn't approve of partying or wearing ...

A.   26 April 2019: OP, stop it. Either argue with your mum, put your foot down or accept that her views won't change and you need to adapt to that. Complaining here and not listening to advice will do nothing to improve your situation. ACCEPT YOUR MUM. - ... (read in full...)

What happens when male and female best friends share a bed for the night?

Q.   I recently moved into my own apartment. It's a one bedroom and I don't have any furniture. My long time female friend plans to stay over this weekend so that she can 1. see the place and 2. not have to go all the way home after we watch a movie ...

A.   26 April 2019: Get a camp bed or inflatable single mattress for the floor. If you "don't know what you want to happen" you can NOT share a bed with her. I've shared a bed with 2 male friends and neither of us once thought of it sexually. With one, we "top and ... (read in full...)

I know I can't trust him again but I also want to tell him let's work on it and can figure it out. What is wrong with me?

Q.   I've been dating a guy for about 2.5 months who is going through a separation. He has treated me better than anyone I've been with before and I was really starting to imagine a life with him. The gestures he made, how he made me feel, our ...

A.   26 April 2019: I wish people would remember not to date people who are only "separated" and not OFFICIALLY DIVORCED. It WAS too good to be true and you shouldn't have even been thinking about a future with him yet - he's still a stranger after only 2.5 months. ... (read in full...)

How do you stop wanting something that you can never have?

Q.   I guess I’ll start with a bit of a background. My cousin is the son of my aunt, my father’s sister, now he’s 18 and I’m 18. We spent a lot of time together when we were children because our families lived very close each to other. We were great ...

A.   25 April 2019: Set boundaries and accept that you’re related. It’s hard to do initially, but you treat it like any other crush you shouldn’t have. It will fade.... (read in full...)

No sex and I don't feel appreciated. How do I talk to him?

Q.   Me and my OH have been together for almost 10 years and have two children 7 and 5. For the most part, it's been great, obviously ups and down but nothing really major. Sex has always been a bit of a problem with us, it's like we have never really b...

A.   23 April 2019: It sounds like therapy together may be the only way to get to the root and potentially improve it.... (read in full...)

Cock Teasing Wife

Q.   Wife, with already killer body, lost 12 lbs on some diet shes doing and started wearing tighter clothes when she goes out. This was fine until she started wearing more revealing clothes and her trips out became longer and later at night. I tried to ...

A.   23 April 2019: Time for counselling. Aside from dressing up nicely for herself, people don’t generally do this teasing if they’re happy in their marriage. Maybe you’re both missing things from each other and a therapist could help you figure out what.... (read in full...)

How would you feel if your doctor hugged you?

Q.   My medical doctor started giving me hugs at the end of our regular appointments. The first time he just initiated a hug; the second time he said "I hope you don't mind me hugging you. I have been working with him for about a year. How would you ...

A.   22 April 2019: I’d tell him not to. I doubt he hugs his male patients.... (read in full...)

I like a girl and I don't have any expectations of her liking me back. How do I tell her about my feelings?

Q.   Hi So to cut a long story short. I really like a girl, I believed she liked me for a while but now I think she doesn't. It's mixed signals which usually means they're not into you. I can't really move on until I know for sure as I always want t...

A.   22 April 2019: How well do you know her? How much time have you spent together? I’m with Honeypie that you should hang out a bit, then ask her on a date. Just simple: “Would you like to go out for dinner with me sometime?” This may be too subtle if you go out f... (read in full...)

How could I allow this guy to use me for sex?! I feel awful and I've lost all trust in men!

Q.   I’ve recently came out of a long term relationship so I’m very new to dating.when I went out with friends I met a great guy, we chatted a lot and there was an instant spark between us, we exchanged numbers, we spoke a lot over the phone for about a ...

A.   22 April 2019: OP, you should lose trust in your drunk self, not men. Sure, some guys are jerks and users. Sadly, you came across one and were too tipsy to make smart or safe decisions (strangers house are a no-go, OP!). This isn't heartbroken, but it is feeli... (read in full...)

He broke up with me and now I'm pregnant

Q.   Hello all! I’m in a tough situation.. So last week my boyfriend broke up with me because of pressure from his family. Here’s the gist of it: We started dating a year and half ago. I’m bi-racial, half black and half Hispanic. He’s Indian. When we ...

A.   20 April 2019: You can’t not tell him. I’m sorry, but you made this choice too. Not only that, but you’re not telling him for HIS benefit, but for the future baby’s benefit - IF you keep the foetus. I won’t bash anyone who says not to tell him, but I won’t agree ... (read in full...)

What do I wear for my first time at a swingers’ party?

Q.   Hi everyone So on my bucket list for the last 10 years has been to attend a private adult party. I have been recommended one and I have been checking it out quite thoroughly and it all seems legit and safe etc. My question is - as a single...

A.   19 April 2019: Check Google and YouTube for advice on parties like this. I’d suggest simple, but attractive. You may not find someone during the first party, so use it as a recon for understanding what to do next time. A lower cut top with cardigan and nice ski... (read in full...)

My Algerian fiance wants $5000 for a student visa?

Q.   Hello Thanks in advance for your help. My fiancée and myself live in different countries. I’m Canadian , he is from Algeria. We have been together over 2 years. I have went to see him 6 times in the two years. He has applied for his v...

A.   18 April 2019: This is a scam. Don’t do it. Seriously; we have plenty of posts you can look through of people who did what you’re thinking of doing and realised afterwards that they were scammed. Please don’t be naive.... (read in full...)

Should I tell my former professor how I feel about him?

Q.   its been about 6 six years now since I left college and I got along really well with my maths teacher and I started to develop strong passionate feelings towards him , I was aware it was not appropriate so I have never told anyone or him . just...

A.   18 April 2019: Nope. You’ve hung on to a childhood crush. Time to maturely let it go. He won’t be as perfect as you made him out to be. He’s a fantasy, so accept it for what it is and find someone your age, who you can get to know properly. A crush won’t last so ... (read in full...)

Is it normal for pregnant women to drift away from friends?

Q.   Is it normal for pregnant women to drift apart from friends? My best friend is 6 months along now but she has been ignoring me since Dec. Never answers my texts/calls. Strange thing is one random day she blocks me on fb but keeps me on whatsapp and ...

A.   18 April 2019: Yes, pregnant women often get a bit distant from friends because they have a new priority. No, this situation is not because of her pregnancy; it’s because your friendship is poisoned by arguments. You’re not meant to be friends - let her go.... (read in full...)

He broke up with me and now I'm pregnant

Q.   Hello all! I’m in a tough situation.. So last week my boyfriend broke up with me because of pressure from his family. Here’s the gist of it: We started dating a year and half ago. I’m bi-racial, half black and half Hispanic. He’s Indian. When we ...

A.   18 April 2019: This is what happens when you make bad decisions. You both should have stopped sleeping together or at least used two forms of contraception. Are you (both) mature enough to be parents if you did this? I’m not so sure. Contraception can fail, but at ... (read in full...)

My mother threatens to cut me off over the clothes I wear

Q.   I'm a 31 year old woman who lives and works away from my parents. My parents were never the overly controlling kind, although my mother is kind of very conservative when it comes to certain things. She doesn't approve of partying or wearing ...

A.   18 April 2019: OP, it’s not abusive. It’s a strong disagreement about core feelings. I’m sorry she disagrees with you, but you’re going to have to accept it or stand up to her. You shouldn’t be emotionally dependent on anyone now - emotionally attached... (read in full...)

Adult son's fiance is too old for him

Q.   My wife and I have been aware of our son’s dating preferences since he left home for college. He prefers older women. We believed it was a phase and did our best not to get bent out of shape. We have met several of his older girlfriends over the ...

A.   16 April 2019: Ultimately, his sex life isn't something you should be thinking about, even in this context. He's happy. Tolerate it. Try to accept it. Don't allow yourself to dwell on the negatives. Just leave him be and welcome her as much as you can.... (read in full...)

Do I go meet my grandmother knowing my mother may get upset?

Q.   I have never met my mum's mum and she recently sent me a message saying to come to see her in her home city , I'm not sure if I should , as my mum hasn't seen her in over twenty years and I don't even know her and if my mum finds out I feel as ...

A.   16 April 2019: Ask your mum what happened, if you don’t already know. You don’t need her permission, but it would be inconsiderate not to tell her first.... (read in full...)

Can't understand why my lesbian g/f would be taking birth control for the sole purpose of not getting pregnant

Q.   I'm struggling how and if to bring this up with my partner as I want to be sensitive and not offend her, I'm not sure if I'm getting red flags or being paranoid. My girlfriend and me are in a long distance relationship. She is having some birt...

A.   16 April 2019: It’s possible she’s cheating, but some women start on them for one reason and stay on them for another. Maybe it helps her hormones, after being on them for some time? You just have to ask. She could be cheating, but she may not be.... (read in full...)

I get dates but then I think there might be somebody better so I ghost them

Q.   Hello everyone, I am looking for some help and would be grateful for your opinions. I'm single and looking for a woman, and I've had 13 dates so far this year. I'm not a fussy guy and I liked 9 of them. With 7 of these 9, I have had second or th...

A.   15 April 2019: Sorry, I don’t think ghosting is fair, regardless of whether it’s 10 dates or 1. If you are going to keep doing this, please have the manners not to ghost people. Rejection sucks, but being ghosted is horrible. It’s hard to open yourself to dating, ... (read in full...)

Adult son's fiance is too old for him

Q.   My wife and I have been aware of our son’s dating preferences since he left home for college. He prefers older women. We believed it was a phase and did our best not to get bent out of shape. We have met several of his older girlfriends over the ...

A.   15 April 2019: OP, the thing is that almost all of us COMPLETELY understand and agree with where you’re coming from, if we were in your shoes. We can’t really fathom what they do have in common from a life perspective in terms of marriage, but we also see that it ... (read in full...)

Adult son's fiance is too old for him

Q.   My wife and I have been aware of our son’s dating preferences since he left home for college. He prefers older women. We believed it was a phase and did our best not to get bent out of shape. We have met several of his older girlfriends over the ...

A.   15 April 2019: I feel like this is fake. The age range of the OP, the idea of turning your back on him for his own harmless decision, etc. If it is real: Leave him to it. Sure; it’s unlikely to work out, but it’s his choice. You have to let him live his life his... (read in full...)

My mother threatens to cut me off over the clothes I wear

Q.   I'm a 31 year old woman who lives and works away from my parents. My parents were never the overly controlling kind, although my mother is kind of very conservative when it comes to certain things. She doesn't approve of partying or wearing ...

A.   13 April 2019: Just be yourself and have better online security on who can see your photos.... (read in full...)

I have feelings for a younger woman that's moved into my home and I don't know what I should do

Q.   Dear 'Cupid' I have been in a sexless relationship for over a year and we finally split up. My evenings became about beer and take out and over many months I put on weight and didn't bother with dating or about the opposite sex barely at all. ...

A.   13 April 2019: Unless you want a sexual harassment situation and losing the money from a tenant, don’t make the creepy decision to hit on her. Treat her like a niece, not a random woman. Cut any attraction or any non-platonic thoughts/behaviour. Find a woman your ... (read in full...)

I have neve wanted children, husband is being pressured to adopt his orphaned nephew

Q.   My husband and I are both 29 and child free by choice. His sister and her husband, both 40, passed away in a car accident two months ago. They left behind a 9 year old who is currently living with my husband's parents. Long story short, his paren...

A.   13 April 2019: “I hope that he's making the right decision for HIMSELF and not because of family pressure” or wife pressure! You’re just as pushy as his other family members, so own it. Don’t get me wrong; I completely understand that you don’t want children... (read in full...)

I still resent the way my husband proposed to me.

Q.   I wanted to see if I’m being sensitive or not, I can’t get over the fact after 6 years of marriage with two kids of how my husband proposed. We’ve been dating for 5 years before he propose and the way he did it makes me sad till to this day. I see ...

A.   9 April 2019: You were good enough, but you CHOSE to accept his crappy “proposal”. I’d have cried and said “no chance”, then left. You stayed with him too long, to be honest, when it was clear he was a bit of a jerk who didn’t want the same things as you. He ... (read in full...)

Does anyone have any advice on dating a divorced man with 2 young children?

Q.   Does anyone have any advice on dating a divorced man with 2 young boys (2 and 3 years old)? He's 6 years older than I am and from the moment we met, there was an instant connection. He treats me much better than I've ever been before and I believe ...

A.   9 April 2019: I haven’t been in your shoes, but it’s relatively simple. You’re on the right track; you’re taking things slowly and communicating well. You’ll never be an “instant mum” because you have to slowly become like a step-mother figure, not instantly or ... (read in full...)

My older boyfriend wants me to pretend to be his daughter.

Q.   I dont think age should matter in a true loving relationship. My dad thinks otherwise and so I have moved out and anto my bf's place a few months ago. Although he is about 10 years older than me he is just so adorable. I like so love him to pieces ...

A.   7 April 2019: Look, it IS creepy, but maybe you’re too naive to see it. You felt it was strange because it IS and he’s manipulated you over time into thinking it’s normal now. He wants to have sex with someone he has groomed into behaving like his daughter. It’s ... (read in full...)

My father made me look foolish when I was buying a car.

Q.   Help with interferring father please. My elderly father embarassed me when I was trying to buy a new used car..!! He lives in another state and I don’t see him or my mother much.. 1-2 times a year, we small talk on phone every 5 -6 weeks, ...

A.   4 April 2019: I was gunna say “sure, firmly tell him: ‘I appreciate it, but please don’t do it again’.” However, you’re not 20 and trying to get out on your own. You KNOW how to handle yourself. You don’t NEED to learn how to do it independently. He wasn’t doing ... (read in full...)

We have 3 children already and I'm exhausted. How do I tell my husband I want an abortion?

Q.   How do I tell my husband I want an abortion. We have three kids together already and frankly, I'm exhausted. I'm a stay at home mom and often find myself being the sole caregiver because he's working. Hes said in the past that hes pro-choi...

A.   4 April 2019: There IS a difference between 3 and 4 children. They DO grow up, but you have many years to go before that. Some women regret an abortion, but many are relieved or understand that they made the right choice for them in that situation. I happen to ... (read in full...)

My husband is selfish, I am thinking of enlisting in the military.

Q.   My husband would not let me see his cell phone last night. I wanted to see the pictures from a birthday party, he said "No, I would go through his phone" and if I trusted him then I wouldnt have a issue with it. I am a stay at home mother 3 kids, he ...

A.   4 April 2019: There’s so much to unpack here.... You have no right to have access to his phone - have the pictures moved to a shared computer or print them out. He is being oddly protective of his phone - implying he may have something to hide OR you have... (read in full...)

We’re a fit couple in our late 60’s, retired. How much sex is normal

Q.   We’re a fit couple in our late 60’s, retried. How much sex is normal? We do it three times a week on average. I could do it every day, she says even three times is too much. She enjoys it more than me, not that I don’t enjoy. She says none of...

A.   4 April 2019: There is no normal. This is normal for you and her. She has gone through menopause and that can decrease libido and cause soreness. Three times per week is still a good amount; it’s a compromise between what you’d both prefer. I think you should ... (read in full...)

I'm afraid to be skinny again, and am happier being fat.

Q.   I've had weight issues my entire life. I used to be around 150lbs (8-10 size) and was very tall for my age in high school. Family members and bullies would degrade me and call me derogatory names, that I should stop eating even though I rarely a...

A.   4 April 2019: I’m wondering if there may be a vocabulary barrier because your age says 30 - 35, but you say you left a group home only 2 years ago. If you are happy at your weight and a doctor hasn’t told you to lose any, stay that weight, but be consciou... (read in full...)

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