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*ndie's Thoughts agony aunt

*ndie's Thoughts

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*ndie's Thoughts's profile:

I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)

Karma does happen:

My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy.

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We have fun and the sex is amazing but then why doesn't he fall for me?

Q.   Hey all. I feel like a spoilt brat here, like Verruca Salt when she can't get what she wants. I've completely fallen for a co worker. He works in another office and lives 80 miles away. He lives alone (divorced with a son) as I live with parents ...

A.   6 November 2018: You have to let this go - he won't want you for more, whether you give him sex or not. It's not about not being good enough; it's about being with people who want you around and not trying to make people like you. Stop trying so hard. Be your... (read in full...)

Why do I attract abusive men? My current bf said that I deserve disrespect because I'm not glamorous!

Q.   My boyfriend said I don't deserve to be talked at with respect because I'm not glam. Why do I attract abusive men both my last two boyfriend's have been that way. Verbally and physically....

A.   6 November 2018: Likely because you're drawn to them. Now, that doesn't mean their abuse is your fault. He should be your ex-boyfriend after that comment, so don't stay with him any longer. I know it can be hard to leave, but you'll regret wasting your life on ... (read in full...)

We have fun and the sex is amazing but then why doesn't he fall for me?

Q.   Hey all. I feel like a spoilt brat here, like Verruca Salt when she can't get what she wants. I've completely fallen for a co worker. He works in another office and lives 80 miles away. He lives alone (divorced with a son) as I live with parents ...

A.   6 November 2018: You're too old for this mess, OP. He's telling you what you want to hear, enough for you to keep having sex with him. Why would he "buy the cow when he gets the milk for free"? Your friend is right and you're being naive. Stop this before you real... (read in full...)

He can't say I love you to me but we keep breaking up and getting back together. I don't know what to do

Q.   Okay, this is going to be long and I apologize in advance - I’ll try to summarize as much as possible. Two years ago (August 2016) I started my masters program in a big city. I was on dating apps for fun, mostly, not looking for anything serious...

A.   6 November 2018: Break up once and get back together, both actively working on the things that went wrong - preferably with the help of a therapist? You’ve got a chance. Break up multiple times and keep getting back together, with no change in the relation... (read in full...)

What do I say to her to prove I’m genuinely sorry?

Q.   I’m here for advice and I’m looking for advice and don’t know what to do. I came across a female on a dating app who I really liked and we share things in common. there’s were going great until I said to her you’re ignoring me and now she is giving ...

A.   5 November 2018: Questions: - Why did you feel she was ignoring you? - How long had you been talking before you accused her of ignoring you? - How is she giving you a taste of your own medicine? - Why are you just friends with someone on a dating site?... (read in full...)

My husband seems to think I am a bank, smokes weed all day and chats with other women!

Q.   Hello My husband isnt working and I am providing for our family. He is unable to work do to his new arrival to my country. During hid time here, he tells me his friends back home need an apartment to rent and they need to open up their ow...

A.   2 November 2018: Pretty sure we’ve advised you before to divorce him because you married before you properly knew each other and he’s just using you. I’m sorry, but our advice won’t change. Cut him off and get a divorce.... (read in full...)

I'm in love with my step brother and afraid to tell our parents

Q.   i'm in love with my step-brother, and i am honestly scared of what would happen if my parents were to find out. i told my friends about it and the are okay with it they say that we are not related at all so it okay because our parents aren't even, ...

A.   1 November 2018: I know it's hard, but you need to stop. What will you explain to your baby brother/sister about their brother and sister dating? It's not a good idea. Your mum clearly suspects you're too close. You know, deep down, that you won't stay together fo... (read in full...)

I haven't heard from LDR boyfriend in 3 days

Q.   Hi ive been dealing with many stuff and been hurt many times to. but my point is october 28 was my last messge with my ldr boyfreind its been 3 days now and he hasn't respond to my messege at all i text hime 2 times saying hey i hope you are ok i ...

A.   1 November 2018: I agree. Don’t bother again for a week, then you know where you stand.... (read in full...)

I'm unable to move on after being rejected by the girl I love

Q.   In my current state I feel lonely, depressed and unable to get over recent rejection with the *only* person I've had feelings for so far. To give more insight, I'm 15 years old and far from being attractive. In fact, I've not been favoured once by...

A.   31 October 2018: OP, it hasn’t been long. You’re 15, so you haven’t had time to be “looking for a while now”. It’s okay to be hurt and disappointed, but you need to accept that it will fade over time. Go out with other friends. Spend time with family. Distract... (read in full...)

Why did my boyfriend treat me so badly and not care that he accidentally hurt me?

Q.   My boyfriend was getting ready to go to work today and we were talking to each other. We both moved in closer at the same time and the brim of his hat hit my nose really hard pushing it backwards and my nose made a cracking noise. I fell back in ...

A.   30 October 2018: Why do you think you reacted like this? Should he be worried? I get that it hurt, but it's the brim of a hat, so he may have thought you were exaggerating or overreacting. It may have hurt, but I think you overreacted to him ignoring you. It... (read in full...)

A friend is interested in a poly-amorous relationship but how do I tell my wife?

Q.   I and my wife have been married for 40 years and our love for each other is as solid now as it ever has been. Our sex life up until 8 years ago was very satisfying. Eight years ago my wife sustained an injury which has left her house bound. She ...

A.   29 October 2018: If you can’t happily stay with your wife, knowing your libido will likely decrease over the next decade anyway, then I feel divorce is the only option. It’s not fair to expect your wife to let you have a mistress. It wouldn’t be polyamory because ... (read in full...)

We met online I'm 18 he's 34. Is it wrong that I want to be with him?

Q.   I just want opinions. I have known a man for over 3 months now. We met online, we Skype regularly, he's amazing. We talk everyday. He lives 2 hours away from me.The only thing is he is 34 and I am 18. I want to be with him so bad. Is this wro...

A.   28 October 2018: No! You're already intimate? Oh, gosh, OP. You barely know the guy and you're barely an adult. He's already turned his porn star stuff on you by saying he "felt unwanted because you don't initiate". You shouldn't be initiating anything with each ... (read in full...)

Has anyone else given up a fairly long-term, comfortable relationship for something new and exciting with so much in common and a strong sexual attraction?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have just passed 3 years together. We have a great life together: we laugh a lot, we support each other, we cook, we travel, we have many of the same interests and tastes. I know he loves me and I love him too, but it's always ...

A.   28 October 2018: Well done for realising what you have, OP, and appreciate your boyfriend for being so understanding about it. As for the second guy, he's an ass. Seriously, he's being manipulative: "my feelings won't go away", "you'll miss me", "you know where to... (read in full...)

She said no. Should I keep trying?

Q.   So, I've liked somebody for a long time (2-3 years) and recently, a couple of weeks ago I decided to tell them how I felt. I've been friends with her since we first met and everybody I know was certain she was into me as well. Unfortunately I was ...

A.   28 October 2018: Was this you? These answers will help and be the same ones you get here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/will-i-ever-find-someone-the-same-as.html You’re very young. You know you will find someone else. You will not be alone for the remaining 60... (read in full...)

Lover wants to stay with his children for now

Q.   My lover cannot live with me just yet because he still wants to live with his children who are 21 and 19.....He said they still need him .... He doesn’t love his wife... they share no interests as a couple, just stayed married for their kids sake... ...

A.   28 October 2018: You’re not only wasting your time now, you’ve been wasting it ever since the affair started. He’s married, living with his wife and probably having more intimate moments with her than you think. He’s not staying for the ADULTS; he’s staying because ... (read in full...)

Has anyone else given up a fairly long-term, comfortable relationship for something new and exciting with so much in common and a strong sexual attraction?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have just passed 3 years together. We have a great life together: we laugh a lot, we support each other, we cook, we travel, we have many of the same interests and tastes. I know he loves me and I love him too, but it's always ...

A.   28 October 2018: The unfortunate thing for Female Anon is that she doesn’t know this future and spark will stay. Hopefully it will for her, but you would giving up someone you love, at a time of grief, when you were actually very happy until this guy came along who ... (read in full...)

We met online I'm 18 he's 34. Is it wrong that I want to be with him?

Q.   I just want opinions. I have known a man for over 3 months now. We met online, we Skype regularly, he's amazing. We talk everyday. He lives 2 hours away from me.The only thing is he is 34 and I am 18. I want to be with him so bad. Is this wro...

A.   27 October 2018: This is dangerous. I’m sorry, OP; I know what it’s like to crave love, but a man nearly twice your age is not where you should try to get it from. No decent 34 year old man will be genuinely interested in someone who’s only just begun adulthood ... (read in full...)

Has anyone else given up a fairly long-term, comfortable relationship for something new and exciting with so much in common and a strong sexual attraction?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have just passed 3 years together. We have a great life together: we laugh a lot, we support each other, we cook, we travel, we have many of the same interests and tastes. I know he loves me and I love him too, but it's always ...

A.   27 October 2018: Liven up your own relationship. So many people want that comfortable love and all good relationships will get there. Try to make things a little more exciting or spontaneous, but don’t give up something that was more or less perfect for you until ... (read in full...)

Has anyone else given up a fairly long-term, comfortable relationship for something new and exciting with so much in common and a strong sexual attraction?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have just passed 3 years together. We have a great life together: we laugh a lot, we support each other, we cook, we travel, we have many of the same interests and tastes. I know he loves me and I love him too, but it's always ...

A.   27 October 2018: The grass is always greener until you get there. You need to cut ties with this new guy. The spark always fades, if it’s even there to start with. You have a stable, loving(?) relationship with a future planned. Don’t give that up unless you don’t ... (read in full...)

Men never notice me, it makes me feel bad.

Q.   I am 23 and I never get hit on, catcalled, approached, or asked out. I've never even had a boyfriend before. My friends seem to get hit on and catcalled and it starts making me feel like I am unattractive. I never thought I was ugly but not getting ...

A.   25 October 2018: Being catcalled is harassment - it’s not positive attention. Let’s get that out of the way first. Stop trying. Seriously. You’ll look desperate and that puts people off. If you focus too much on men and what they think, you’ll waste your life awa... (read in full...)

After years of putting up with my wife's drunken behavior, she gets sober and 6 months later she is getting righteous on me!

Q.   I first met my wife in college. I drank once in a blue moon, but not really. If was before I met her, but she told me she was a binge drinker who was hospitalized because she threw up blood from an ulcer after a lot of drinking. When we dated we...

A.   24 October 2018: Do you love her? If not, leave. If you do, quit drinking around her. Don't have alcohol in the house, including empty bottles/cans and only drink when you go out with friends. Addiction is ridiculously difficult. This isn't her being self-rig... (read in full...)

My lesbian partner seems too close to my friends!

Q.   Hello mates :) I've been in a relationship with a lesbian. We're bestfriends and turns into lovers. 2 months of love :) But mates, I start to wonder why she's way too close with my girl bestfriends and heck they look so sweet :( I'm pretty jealous ...

A.   23 October 2018: First of all, maybe this is just lost in translation, but you don't need to keep saying "lesbian". We know she's a girl and you're a girl, so we don't need to keep hearing lesbian, as it's no different than any other relationship. No, you should... (read in full...)

How can I talk to someone that doesn't listen to anything I have to say?

Q.   Hello and thank you for your opinions in advance My husband and I have been together for two years. When we were in a relationship he was extremely loving, expressive, a real sweetheart which didnt take me long to fall hard for him. For the fir...

A.   23 October 2018: You married a stranger. For all you really know, he smoked weed more or less every day anyway, but you weren't in the same country to see it. Sorry, OP, but you're going to waste your life on this guy. Chalk it up to needing to spend more time ... (read in full...)

I kissed other men while we were broken up, now back together did I cheat on him?

Q.   My boyfriend and I had split up for week, his decision and I was gutted but said I would respect his decision. I went out with a friend for a night out and i kissed two men. I love my boyfriend and I was upset with it all. We have now got back tog...

A.   20 October 2018: OP, telling someone something has to be in their best interest. Telling someone because you feel guilty is selfish. However, I think you know what you need to do and I think you'll need a therapist to do it. I'm glad you're both going to try to m... (read in full...)

I kissed other men while we were broken up, now back together did I cheat on him?

Q.   My boyfriend and I had split up for week, his decision and I was gutted but said I would respect his decision. I went out with a friend for a night out and i kissed two men. I love my boyfriend and I was upset with it all. We have now got back tog...

A.   19 October 2018: I think you may be getting too defensive to appreciate the advice from us, but hopefully you’ll be able to cool off and hear us out. No, you didn’t cheat, but your way of coping isn’t healthy either and is rather self-destructive. Drinking... (read in full...)

He asked me out as a joke but I said yes ... how do I face my friends?

Q.   My crush asked me out as a joke and I said yes. I was sick the day after and I wasn’t at school. My friends texted me about it. Apparently he had told most of my friends. Now I have to go back to school. I don’t really like him a lot. I just ...

A.   18 October 2018: "What an idiot; he believed me. Like I'd go out with someone so immature." Other than that, don't comment. Don't bitch about him, don't talk to him, just let it go and others will too.... (read in full...)

I have an anal sex question and can't find answers

Q.   Hi, Okay this probably sounds stupid. But please give me some serious answers... I would appreciate it. Yesterday my husband and I had anal sex and he came inside. Today, more than 24 hours later, we had anal and vaginal sex both. Can th...

A.   17 October 2018: Please use condoms until you're ready to be parents. Not only that, but it causes infections to go from anal sex to vaginal sex. Never do anal sex before vaginal. Please see a doctor together to discuss this - especially if he won't use condoms, you ... (read in full...)

What do you make of my boyfriend's long-distance female friend?

Q.   My bf has had a female friend for 5 years. At first I was uneasy about the whole thing but as I learned more about her and took my insecurities for working, I became cool with the whole thing. One evening when she messages, he said "oh she was aski...

A.   17 October 2018: In the nicest possible way "butt out" :P I know you're curious, but it's probably nothing :)... (read in full...)

I believe my husband has sick fantasies about my daughter. She trusts him. What should I do?

Q.   I found a spare phone in my husband's truck and saved to his favorites was "Stepdaughter fucks step dad".. I have a beautiful 18 year old daughter that lives with us . I'm leaving him because to me, that is unacceptable and I will never look at him ...

A.   17 October 2018: You can't do anything except hope that your relationship with your daughter is good enough and strong enough to keep her staying with you. Don't trash talk him or she'll likely feel closer to him. Tell him to stop promising her things unless h... (read in full...)

Should I give my ex money back for a trip that he won't be taking with my family?

Q.   Hey guys. Since my last post I've taken your advice and no longer visit my exs social media accounts. I am actually in the process of moving on and have even met someone else :) I'm just writing because it's coming to the time where I sign ...

A.   17 October 2018: Flights are usually non-refundable. If he asks for it back, I think you should give it to him, even if you can't get a refund. That said, if he doesn't ask, it's pointless to give him money because you're not getting money from the house.... (read in full...)

Girlfriend in jail. How do I handle that we have to move out?

Q.   Girlfriend who has been living with me at my apartment for 5 months was arrested last month(drugs). Lease is up and all her stuff is here. I have been packing it up and cleaning the place to get the deposit back. So I have been there during odd ...

A.   16 October 2018: I’d put her stuff in storage in HER NAME for up to a month. Make sure the company knows you are only paying for the first month, then give them her details for ongoing payments. Contact her only to tell her where it is and such, tell her probation ... (read in full...)

Should I be upset that my FWB partner is having sex with others and lied about it

Q.   I have been having sex with a friend but he said he having been with anyone else but I caught him with another woman should I be angry or not because we are not dating? please help me because im mad as hell....

A.   16 October 2018: Him lying about it is risking your sexual health, so that needs to be addressed. Him having sex with others, though, is not something you can be upset about. Find a FwB who won’t sleep with others, but who you won’t get attached to, or do what mos... (read in full...)

Why can't I develop strong feelings for guys?

Q.   I'm struggling to understand why I can't seem to develop strong feelings for guys. I have crushes, but they're always for the guys I can't have. The minute I get into a relationship or feel myself going into one I immediately go off them and run ...

A.   15 October 2018: You haven’t found any right guys because you run away. Spend time with guys you could have, not ones you can’t. Bear in mind that you could have been just as bad in bed as that guy you slept with, so don’t just blame him - sex goes both ways and... (read in full...)

Will I ever find someone the same as my unrequited love or will I continue spiralling into an endless depression?

Q.   Over a span of about 3 years, I've fallen in love with someone who, not long ago, I decided to open up to. They told me that they only want to stay as friends, which has deeply saddened me. They were the only person I've been interested in ever and ...

A.   14 October 2018: Oh, Honey. This is hormones, I promise. This isn’t love; it’s an intense crush. Love is what you’ll experience in a few years when you find someone who feels the same and you build an adult relationship together. Do you truly believe that, in... (read in full...)

How do meet someone who would want to settle down with me?

Q.   I'm a 23 year old trans male. So I've been single for well over five years now. I dated 1 girl in school and another in college. The first girl broke my heart (original I know.) So it kind of messed up my second relationship because of confi...

A.   14 October 2018: *Don’t go on known HOOK UP sites or apps, if you want more than that. *don’t bother with anyone who makes you feel like being trans is strange or a burden for them. BEING in a relationship with someone who is transitioning can be hard, but that... (read in full...)

How do meet someone who would want to settle down with me?

Q.   I'm a 23 year old trans male. So I've been single for well over five years now. I dated 1 girl in school and another in college. The first girl broke my heart (original I know.) So it kind of messed up my second relationship because of confi...

A.   14 October 2018:  I have been in love with a guy who happened to be trans. He had just had top surgery before we met and had one of the lower surgeries whilst we were together. I knew he was trans when we met online, but I think it is fair to bring it up on the ... (read in full...)

I'm willing to leave my husband but my married lover isn't saying anything about leaving his wife

Q.   Iv been having an affair for a couple of years now and decided to end my marriage. I'm living with a friend but my married lover is still staying put. I said it was my problem about leaving my husband but he said he was still worried for me. He ...

A.   13 October 2018: It’s good you’ve finally stepped up and set your poor husband free, but you really don’t want to be with a cheater because it’s usually only only a matter of time before they cheat on you - you can never trust each other. Anyway, it took you long... (read in full...)

My girlfriend found the engagement ring box and thinks I'm cheating

Q.   More than a year ago I bought an expensive emerald engagement ring to give to my live-in girlfriend intending to propose. I never quite found the right time because of some personal problems in her family and then later on we had big fight and I re...

A.   9 October 2018: I agree with all of the posters. Time to choose: "I want to marry you, but I want us to go to therapy first, to try to fix our issues" or "It doesn't matter what it was for, but it was for you. I'm afraid this isn't working any more, though... (read in full...)

What will help me feel at ease about entering a bdsm relationship?

Q.   I am 25 and about to enter into my first bdsm relationship with a guy I met online. We’ve been talking for a while now and discussed everything we both want but I am a past rape victim and getting spanked scared me! He knows this but nothing he has ...

A.   8 October 2018: No. Don't do it. "You have much to learn" is BS. It's his way of ALREADY dominating you OUTSIDE of the bedroom. Stop talking to him; he doesn't really care about you. You need to find someone you can DATE and SLOWLY enter slight BDSM, not a full B... (read in full...)

I'm dating a new guy but I'm still not over my ex

Q.   I am 15 , 16 in a few weeks .About 3 months ago , me and my boyfriend of a year broke up and over the summer I gave myself time to get over him . Once summer ended I got back in touch with a boy that I’ve known for about 2 years , we started to hang ...

A.   8 October 2018: Break up. It’s not fair to him. Also, please put this relationship in perspective. It’s not love. Love doesn’t happen in 3 weeks of dating. You’re really young and shouldn’t be worrying about relationships yet - it causes more trouble than it’... (read in full...)

What will help me feel at ease about entering a bdsm relationship?

Q.   I am 25 and about to enter into my first bdsm relationship with a guy I met online. We’ve been talking for a while now and discussed everything we both want but I am a past rape victim and getting spanked scared me! He knows this but nothing he has ...

A.   8 October 2018: Therapy. You need therapy to deal with the trauma. You also need a relationship that slowly introduces BDSM, not throws you into the thick of it. How well do you know this guy? How much do you trust him? Where is the BDSM going to take place? W... (read in full...)

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