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*ndie's Thoughts agony aunt

*ndie's Thoughts

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*ndie's Thoughts's profile:

I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)

Karma does happen:

My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy.

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I have a crush, should I add him on Facebook?

Q.   Hello, I'm starting to have a crush on a guy I met a few months ago. I felt a strong connection when I met him and during a few other times I saw him. Although, I barely spoke to him much. I just like being around him. I recently felt a strong gu...

A.   20 December 2018: You want to connect with a guy you have a crush on? Sure, go for it! Oh, wait.... YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND. Stop being silly. You’d hate it if your boyfriend was “connecting” with a girl he has a crush on.... (read in full...)

He puts sex before my needs. Is it time to walk away?

Q.   My partner and I have been in a relationship for just over 3 years and have a two year old child. I’ve been struggling to hang onto our relationship for a while but when I try to tell him what I need in the relationship he makes it out as if he’s ...

A.   18 December 2018: He puts sex before your needs because you allow it. You’re effectively a single mother, so tell him to step up or you’ll leave him. Your daughter doesn’t need breastfeeding any more, so wean her off and sleep more. Use her time at nursery to recover ... (read in full...)

I'm waiting for someone who clearly doesn't want me

Q.   I met this guy a year ago and we’ve sort of been in and out of each other’s lives since. He’s struggled with his feelings and knowing what he wants, I finally thought we were in the same place but he completely backed off, saying that his heart an...

A.   18 December 2018: He is who he is. He isn't going to change any time soon. Just do it. Delete and block. Get it done, then it's done. It's hard, but you will forget and 6 months will have gone by. Just move on with your life and take him at his word that it's not ... (read in full...)

I feel overwhelmed with empathy for older folk

Q.   Has any of you felt ever overwhelmed by empathy towards elderly people who are suffering? Ever since I was a kid, I've been helping out elderly people in my neighborhood without being told to do so. I always felt such a strong sadness whene...

A.   18 December 2018: I'm a carer for elderly people. Lots of people have empathy for them, but you don't always see it. Are you volunteering? There a charities that arrange for you to visit them for companionship for an hour or so per week/month.... (read in full...)

I like my friend's twin brother, will she think I am weird?

Q.   I am in 8th grade and have a friend in 9th grade... she has a twin brother and I really like him... I've seen him staring back at me and I think he likes me back but I'm not sure. I want to ask her but I don't want things to be weird; especially if ...

A.   18 December 2018: Guys have "bros before hoes" and girls have "sisters before misters" = friends before girls/guys - neutrally: "mates before dates". Your friendship is more important than a crush on her twin that will pass because of your age. If you and her brot... (read in full...)

I sent the online guy my nude photos and initiated phone sex. Will he lose respect for me?

Q.   I have been talking to a guy I met on the internet for about 3 months. We have always had great conversation, we like each other alot. We skype, phone call, text, IM, etc every day. Last week, I made the decision to finally start talking about sex. ...

A.   16 December 2018: Well, nude photos are a terrible and naive idea. Let’s hope if/when you break up he doesn’t post them to friends or online. Seriously, OP - nudity is for in person, not losing control of on the phone or computer. Please don’t do it again - it’s ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend refuses to use his sex toys with me

Q.   Hi I'm having a sexual problem with my boyfriend any advice you could give would be helpful thanks.. My boyfriend never tells me what he likes in bed he always says he likes what we are doing.. The thing is I know he likes porn actually I think it...

A.   15 December 2018: He sounds embarrassed by them, so leave it alone. Trust that you’re enough for sex and the toys are for him to use on his own. There’s no issue with that.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is obsessed with sex!

Q.   My boyfriend is obsessed with sex! He constantly tells about sex, tries it on.even when I have been ill. I had a colopscopy procedure a few months ago and it was meant to be 6 weeks recovery time..after a few days he told me I should be having s...

A.   13 December 2018: Unfortunately, the only way forward is: get rid of him or accept that you will only ever be a sex doll to him. You can’t complain if you stay because you know he won’t change.... (read in full...)

I've grown to care for a sex worker that I see and feel I want to be more than her friend

Q.   Dear Cupid, I've been seeing a prostitute for some time now. When I started seeing her, I was in a very bad place emotionally (borderline depression, work pressure, family issues). We didn't have sex on the first few "dates". We mainly talked an...

A.   12 December 2018: It’s not the right time for you to date. You need to seek therapy until you’re mentally well again. You can’t be in a healthy relationship without being mentally healthy yourself. Not only that, but what if she dates you and keeps her job? Wha... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant and my friend isn't supportive

Q.   I am pregnant and so excited about it but my best friend isn't really happy for me and keeps saying all the wrong things time after time. I've told her I don't need her input but she just won't shut up. The worst thing is she thinks she is my...

A.   12 December 2018: If it’s because of your age and unstable life situation (again, just a natural age thing), then I don’t blame her for not being over the moon. That said, if it’s not that, then it’s none of her business. Even if it is about age, you’ll just have to ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is obsessed with sex!

Q.   My boyfriend is obsessed with sex! He constantly tells about sex, tries it on.even when I have been ill. I had a colopscopy procedure a few months ago and it was meant to be 6 weeks recovery time..after a few days he told me I should be having s...

A.   12 December 2018: Then break up with him; he’s a jerk. You know he’s manipulative, so no point staying. If you stay, you’re bringing it on yourself because you know what he’s like.... (read in full...)

Should I include her son for the first date or should it just be between the two of us?

Q.   So a while back I met a woman through my sister-in-law. We've been talking on the phone a lot, and met up for lunch a couple times since we work near each other. It's obvious there's a chemistry between us. I'd like to ask her out. She has a ...

A.   12 December 2018: You still barely know each other. Children need stability. Until 6+ months of exclusivity, they shouldn’t really have met you, unless as a group you were both at BY CHANCE. First several dates should be the two of you only.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is obsessed with sex!

Q.   My boyfriend is obsessed with sex! He constantly tells about sex, tries it on.even when I have been ill. I had a colopscopy procedure a few months ago and it was meant to be 6 weeks recovery time..after a few days he told me I should be having s...

A.   12 December 2018: It’s abusive - whether he means to be or not. No man can force you to have sex unless it’s rape. Learn to say NO and stick to it - someone who loves you will not manipulate you into it. You are not a sex object and you need to tell him that. If he ... (read in full...)

My younger boyfriend just asked me to marry him

Q.   I'm 31 years old woman divorced with 2 kids one of whom have a a disability. I've stayed away from relationships all together because my life is not easy and I have my priorities. Lately, a younger man started to show interest in me, he is 5 ...

A.   9 December 2018: Nope. You’ve tried pushing him away for good reason. What you’ve learnt is that he doesn’t listen. He may be a nice guy, but he’s not ready for a serious relationship with an older (than him) mother of two, let alone engagement. OP, he has a cr... (read in full...)

I want to talk to a boy on the swimming team but don't know how

Q.   so I'm on a swim team with a boy that I really like but I don't know how to talk to him without sounding like an idiot/jerk, please help!...

A.   8 December 2018: If he’s your age, go for it. If not, let it go. Just find a time when a conversation would naturally start, like waiting around before/afterwards. “Hey, how long have you been swimming here?” and try to carry on a short conversation about your joint ... (read in full...)

I am thinking of taking our 2 month old son and leaving my husband. How can I get him to man up?

Q.   I regret married to my husband. I regret ignoring all the red flag about him. I regret i dont take the advice from my friends and aunties here. Now im living miserably everyday worrying about what will he did. He is manipulative, selfish and path...

A.   8 December 2018: No hope left while you stay with the guy. Plenty of hope left for you and your son. Show your son strength and determination. Show him how to look after yourselves when things get tough. Do not stay with this man. What you do now will be ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend likes me to do the same things as porn stars but I don't want to

Q.   My boyfriend wanted to try something new and now wants it all the time. He likes when I kneel in front of him with my mouth open and tongue sticking out, then he cums on my face and in my mouth and tells me to swallow as much as I can like they do ...

A.   7 December 2018: Find a job (any job) or move out. Your current job is prostitute to your boyfriend. Do NOT do ANYTHING you don’t want to. What he likes in porn is degrading to anyone who doesn’t like it. He is degrading you and you feel you need to do it. Tell him ... (read in full...)

How do I get my mistress to return to me?

Q.   Hi I am a male of 48 yrs - since 2 yrs I am with a mistress of 42 yrs - Now she is afraid of her home to be broken - leaving me alone - I use to buy a lot of things for her. Now How can I convince her to return with me ?...

A.   6 December 2018: If you are married, stop. If she is married, stop. You can’t trust her not to find a new boyfriend if she comes “back” to you (she can’t come “back” to you because she’s her husband’s, not yours). Find a lady who is not married. You would not like ... (read in full...)

How can I be subtle and hint that I'd like him to ask me to the prom?

Q.   I really want to go to prom with this guy. He means a lot to me and so I really want to go this dance together because I think we can take our relationship to the next level if he takes me. he is a really amazing guy that i've been flirting on...

A.   6 December 2018: Probably best to wait until it’s relevant - like when prom starts being mentioned properly. Also, as HoneyPie says, you’re not in a relationship to “take to the next level”; you’re not even sure he definitely likes you that way - you just like fli... (read in full...)

Do you think it’s wrong to talk to my mom about the breast augumentation she had and has hidden from me?

Q.   Do you think it’s wrong to talk to my mom about the breast augmentantion she had and has hiden from me? My mom since I know her she is “strugling financially” she never has money, ever gives me enough money, I mean the most she gave me when gro...

A.   6 December 2018: Be grateful you got $5 per month and now $20 per month - you’re an adult; you should be sharing costs, of anything, not her paying you! You are also being selfish. You are dependent on her, so appreciate the fact you have a home. I know it’s a h... (read in full...)

Am I being too harsh on my 17 year old daughter? How do I deal with her?

Q.   I am having trouble with my 17 year old daughter. We've recently returned from a trip to Europe and are jet lagging. It being the weekend, I texted her at 11am to see what she wanted for lunch. She replied that she was still sleeping. At 2pm she ...

A.   5 December 2018: With social media, you should only monitor it as far as you can without needing her password or snooping through her messages - ie seeing what she posts, but nothing more than that. If she’s capable and enjoys the role, then it’s YOUR behaviou... (read in full...)

Am I being too harsh on my 17 year old daughter? How do I deal with her?

Q.   I am having trouble with my 17 year old daughter. We've recently returned from a trip to Europe and are jet lagging. It being the weekend, I texted her at 11am to see what she wanted for lunch. She replied that she was still sleeping. At 2pm she ...

A.   4 December 2018: Stop giving her money without her earning it through chores, and start teaching your son before he ends up like her. Alpha parenting is unhelpful, but so is giving them everything and not teaching them how to look after themselves.... (read in full...)

Am I being too harsh on my 17 year old daughter? How do I deal with her?

Q.   I am having trouble with my 17 year old daughter. We've recently returned from a trip to Europe and are jet lagging. It being the weekend, I texted her at 11am to see what she wanted for lunch. She replied that she was still sleeping. At 2pm she ...

A.   4 December 2018: If you don’t teach, she won’t learn. I was taught, so I learnt. My brother wasn’t taught, so he didn’t learn. It wasn’t until he went to uni that he realised had to learn. Take her back to basics. - get her a PLAIN outfit (blank top, a pa... (read in full...)

She is comfortable being naked around me? So is she sexually attracted to me?

Q.   She isn't an exhibitionist and I am not a creepy pervert or anything like that. I just happened to bump into her while she was naked a couple of times but she was cool about it. I thought she would avoid me or move out but she didn't. She acts as if ...

A.   3 December 2018: Best of luck, OP. Now you need to move on from your feelings, not pretend or hide them. Not telling her is only okay provided you get over them. I hope you can keep your friendship, but you need to avoid seeing her naked now and get rid of your ... (read in full...)

I had an affair with my boss

Q.   I had an affair with my boss. We are both married. It was clearly an emotional affair for five years and then we crossed the line. I know it was wrong and there’s different reasons on both sides why we went down this path - not an excuse though. His ...

A.   3 December 2018: On another note: tell your husband. He deserves to know who he’s married to, so he can decide if he wants to stay married to you. Either way, a clean break from the married guy is necessary for you to move on - of course he won’t want you to because ... (read in full...)

Should I ask her out or wait until the divorce is final?

Q.   I am very interested in asking out a woman with whom I have developed a nice freindship, including some flirting. The difficulty is that she recently filed for divorce. Some people say I should wait until it is final...others say go for it. I would ...

A.   3 December 2018: Don’t go for it yet. Divorces are usually very messy and can be quite drawn out, so wait until it’s finalised and add six months on to that waiting time. If you do it any sooner, you are asking for trouble. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend of 3 years doesn't want to have children. I dream of having them

Q.   Hey everyone. So ive been with my boyfriend a year now and we started talking about kids i commented how good he is with his nephews and how hed make a great dad one day to which he said he doesnt want any children. This crushed me as he knew from ...

A.   3 December 2018: Look, you don’t have time to waste on guys who don’t want children. He’s 40 - you can’t try to change his mind or rely on him changing it. Ultimately, you are running out of time to have them biologically, but that doesn’t mean have one with someone ... (read in full...)

I had an affair with my boss

Q.   I had an affair with my boss. We are both married. It was clearly an emotional affair for five years and then we crossed the line. I know it was wrong and there’s different reasons on both sides why we went down this path - not an excuse though. His ...

A.   2 December 2018: All I will add is: “It was clearly an emotional affair for five years and then we crossed the line“ is rubbish. You crossed the line when the emotional affair started, not when it went further.... (read in full...)

I work as a cam girl but don't want my boyfriend watching other cam girls

Q.   I work as a cam girl on a website. This is actually my second job to make extra cash. My boyfriend was aware of this before we started dating. Few days back he thought that since I was working as a cam girl it made it ok for him to join one of t...

A.   2 December 2018: Yes, you are. Not many men will be okay with your job, especially if you’re okay to have other girls’ boyfriends pay to look at you, but not for your boyfriend to be one of those guys paying to look at other women doing your job. Either it’s jus... (read in full...)

Parents moving- what should I do with my pet?

Q.   Need some help please on a family related issue please.. My parents have been alcoholics since I was little and I had a hard upbringing. The only thing that really helped me growing up at home was having my pet dog alongside me (he's mine since...

A.   1 December 2018: You should have taken him with you to uni. There are doggy daycare centres, dog walkers and dogs who stay home alone for 8 hours a day. PLENTY of deaf-blind dogs have immensely happy lives, just like deaf-blind people. They just need committed o... (read in full...)

Trying to force me to have an abortion but still seeming to care.

Q.   I have been in an on - off relationship for 2.5 years, mostly on, and very passionate. The man in question is an MD of a large company, but had just finished with his wife of 20 years when we started our relationship. He told me that they had been ...

A.   1 December 2018: I’m disappointed in the whole situation. It’s such a silly situation to be stuck in and a baby will suffer with two irresponsible and questionable adults as parents. Sort yourself out. This guy is unreliable and untrustworthy. If you keep this ba... (read in full...)

How do I handle another party with friends where everyone is partnered up but me?

Q.   Well, I’m here posting on this site again. I probably started complaining about my singleness close to three years in. Now, sometime in March, it’ll have been seven years... Seven. Years. I’ve been on three dates in that time and they all sucked. ...

A.   1 December 2018: I don’t think you’ll be unattractive or have a rubbish personality. I do think your attitude and behaviour will be putting people off. Why only 3 dates in 7 years? Not only that, but lots of people don’t date under 23, so try to ignore those... (read in full...)

Why do people start dating when they are not over their exes?

Q.   Or get into relationships for that matter. I'm dating a few guys at uni, and the number who are clearly just looking for a re bound or keep bringing up their exes is disgusting. And I know people who've even gotten into relationships with people, ...

A.   1 December 2018: In all fairness, some believe they are over their exes and something triggers it. Other times you may be reading more into it and they are over their ex, just mention them. Most of the time it’s loneliness, wanting to be over their ex or trying to ... (read in full...)

She is comfortable being naked around me? So is she sexually attracted to me?

Q.   She isn't an exhibitionist and I am not a creepy pervert or anything like that. I just happened to bump into her while she was naked a couple of times but she was cool about it. I thought she would avoid me or move out but she didn't. She acts as if ...

A.   1 December 2018: Good luck, OP, just don’t back out of telling her your feelings. Whether she feels the same or not, you need to be honest and find out. Living together isn’t possible if one has feelings and the other doesn’t.... (read in full...)

She is comfortable being naked around me? So is she sexually attracted to me?

Q.   She isn't an exhibitionist and I am not a creepy pervert or anything like that. I just happened to bump into her while she was naked a couple of times but she was cool about it. I thought she would avoid me or move out but she didn't. She acts as if ...

A.   29 November 2018: Look, there’s no friendship to throw away. You are infatuated (not in love). That means she’s not just a friend any more. While you have feelings for her, she’s just being friendly and you’re reading into everything. There’s no friendship left bec... (read in full...)

Heartbreak - What are your best ways of getting over it?

Q.   Hi there, Thank you for choosing my post and taking the time to respond. I ended it with a guy I had been with for two years, after he was abusive and disloyal. Simple question - how do I get over it quickly? I hate heartache so much and he...

A.   28 November 2018: Honestly? They’re feelings, so you can’t speed it up. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s true. Get busy. Find a new hobby or two. Join a club. Go travelling (doesn’t have to be abroad). Start learning knew things. Read new books. Just ... (read in full...)

She is comfortable being naked around me? So is she sexually attracted to me?

Q.   She isn't an exhibitionist and I am not a creepy pervert or anything like that. I just happened to bump into her while she was naked a couple of times but she was cool about it. I thought she would avoid me or move out but she didn't. She acts as if ...

A.   28 November 2018: You need to stop putting yourself in situations where you’ll see her naked. If it can happen any time you’re in the house, then you need to set boundaries and ask her to wear clothes in shared areas of the house. If you won’t do that, then you’re ... (read in full...)

We've been together for 5 years and my partner just gets lazier and lazier

Q.   Hi I’m in a relationship have been for 5 years now but my partner is getting lazier and lazier by the day he goes to work which is a very easy job I get up on a morning get our 2 kids up get them ready for school do breakfast get myself ready and ...

A.   26 November 2018: Why are you with a third child? Tell him to be an adult or move out. He doesn’t help financially or domestically, so make him or leave him. Seriously, OP; what is he teaching your kids? He’s getting worse because you’re allowing it. “John... (read in full...)

She is comfortable being naked around me? So is she sexually attracted to me?

Q.   She isn't an exhibitionist and I am not a creepy pervert or anything like that. I just happened to bump into her while she was naked a couple of times but she was cool about it. I thought she would avoid me or move out but she didn't. She acts as if ...

A.   26 November 2018: Just ask. She could just get off on walking around naked without actually wanting to be sexual with you. Maybe she just likes the attention and it’s an ego boost. To be honest, you won’t find a girlfriend if you keep “accidentally” seeing this woman ... (read in full...)

I married the man I was having an affair with and I am struggling with trust issues, and feeling anxious and worried everyday he will cheat on me.

Q.   My husband left his former wife to marry me. I know that it does not usually end up this way and that we are in the minority but we fell in love. We have been together almost 5 years. He dissolved his marriage after 3 years of our being together and ...

A.   26 November 2018: Unfortunately, this is your karma. He betrayed his wife for 3 years and you were an accomplice in that, so neither of you can really trust each other. You fell in love? They all do - the mistresses, that is. It took 3 years before he decided you ... (read in full...)

My husband expects me to give him money to send home to his family every month

Q.   Hello and thank you My husband and I have been married for two years. He is a charming man, shows affections and can be very expressive. I do love him , I just don’t like some traits he has. He doesn’t like to be questioned, and he gets ange...

A.   24 November 2018: When our family friend met a woman on his holiday to Thailand and married her a year or so later, he knew it’s their culture for the spouse to send money to their family back in Thailand, as well as often buy land for their family to build on. ... (read in full...)

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