New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login244945 questions, 1084256 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap
*ndie's Thoughts agony aunt

*ndie's Thoughts

United Kingdom  (Female   XML/RSS

Like what she writes?
... Add *ndie's Thoughts to your favourite agony aunts

Want to get in touch?
... Send *ndie's Thoughts a private message

*ndie's Thoughts's Ratings
Excellent66%
Average10%
Poor24%
*ndie's Thoughts's profile:

I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)

Karma does happen:

My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy.

< Prev1234567891011Next > [69 pages, 2723 answers]

Wanting to explore my sexuality

Q.   Thank you for taking time to read and advise me. I am 42, unhappily married (he has PTSD w/depression and has cheated on and off). Plus I have a special needs toddler who comes first in my life. 2019, I started to make changes to produ...

A.   5 January 2020: I’m going to give you my thoughts as I read through: Why are you with your husband? He won’t change without serious individual therapy for his PTSD and delusions. Showing you care isn’t about buying things; weight benches, smart watches, e... (read in full...)

I like my co-worker but am unsure how to proceed or whether to even try

Q.   I really like my co-worker. Him and I we’ve worked together for a few months. I’m his boss but he’s older than me by 10 years. Usually he’s not the type I go for but he’s a gentleman. I thinks what’s one of the reasons why I’m attracted to him. ...

A.   4 January 2020: This seems so strange. It’s such an unprofessional situation - he shouldn’t be telling you his financial situation and you shouldn’t be asking him round to fix something. I’m sorry, but a professional will be able to fix it, especially if some ... (read in full...)

How do I bring up with men I'm dating that I'm nearing the end of child bearing age and I want children?

Q.   I am bear the end of child bearing age. I was never married before. For a long time I attracted the wrong type of men and I worked hard on changing that. I’ve worked hard on myself even went back to school and really remade my life. Now when I’m...

A.   3 January 2020: I’d like to add that an anonymous sperm donor (sperm bank) is better than a dodgy father. If you don’t find the right guy before having a child, have a child, then find the right guy when your child is a bit older. It may be easier to find ... (read in full...)

How do I bring up with men I'm dating that I'm nearing the end of child bearing age and I want children?

Q.   I am bear the end of child bearing age. I was never married before. For a long time I attracted the wrong type of men and I worked hard on changing that. I’ve worked hard on myself even went back to school and really remade my life. Now when I’m...

A.   3 January 2020: You just need to be firm with yourself. If a man runs because you bring up children, then he’s not the right one. This should be something you discussed within the first two or three dates (maximum!), not two or three months. You have no more time ... (read in full...)

My partner doesn't know how to be a family man. Should I end things?

Q.   Hi I’m just looking for some advice about my partner who doesn’t know how to be part of a family we have a 4 year old daughter and I am seriously thinking about ending the relationship soon he’s always been the same but I thought in time it would ...

A.   3 January 2020: What do you get out of this relationship? What kind of father have you given your daughter? You need to answer these questions, OP. Then make up your mind and stick to it. If you do become single again, be single for at least six months and don’t ... (read in full...)

The affair ended when I became jealous that she had sex with her husband but I love her and want her back

Q.   I have no interest in anything since my affair with a woman I cared deeply for ended. I had an affair for over a year with my cousins wife months before the affair I was attracted to this woman she made my heart race and made me imagine life in ...

A.   3 January 2020: AuntyBimBim is right. Divorce your wife and make sure you give spousal payments to her to keep her financially secure. Then you ask your cousin to leave his wife, so you can be with her, since your affair has been so successful. Good luck!... (read in full...)

I'm in love with a boy who brought his girlfriend to my house to sleep.

Q.   Dear Aunties, Happy New year. I am a 36 yr old male. I have been with this 21 year old boy. We have a huge age difference. I have wanted this boy to be my boyfriend for a while now. He has been resistant to my advances and asked me to be patient...

A.   1 January 2020: Stop trying to take advantage of him. He’s young and needs somewhere to stay. That doesn’t make him your toy. You know it’s a lost cause, so leave him alone. Do NOT try harder when someone does not want to be with you.... (read in full...)

I'm worried about my mental health.

Q.   I'm scared i'm sinking into depression and can't pull myself out of it. I'm a Mum of one (teenager) and came out of a long term relationship in October. When I had my child, I battled post-natal depression for several years and so I think I c...

A.   1 January 2020: I’m sorry, OP. Trust me when I say I understand. Please put off dating for a few more months; you’d be on the rebound. Also, find a therapist through your GP. You can see the signs, but prevention is better than letting it get worse before y... (read in full...)

There is no physical chemistry, which makes me think he is not "My Guy"

Q.   Dear cupid, I have been dating a friend of mine who confessed that hes had feelings for me for a year now, and since I just got out of a toxic relationship he said he had to tell.me how he felt before I started dating someone else, hes a great guy, ...

A.   31 December 2019: Perhaps you shouldn't be diving into dating anyone yet, OP. As you said; you've only just got out of a toxic relationship. It's not fair to you or others to date yet. Be single and heal for 6 months or so. Learn to enjoy being single, then fin... (read in full...)

My ex and I remain friends, he has invited me to a family party.

Q.   my ex and I dated for two years we have been broken up for a year now we still remain friends and hang out almost everyday he has invited me to a family party what should I expect...

A.   31 December 2019: Just ask him. If either of you want to get back together and the other one doesn't, you can't stay friends until that stops. Are you hoping for something? Being friends is okay, if you're both on the same page, but that's why you have to ask him ... (read in full...)

I'm in love with my cousin - a followup to my previous question.

Q.   I am re posting this question with extra details as I need more advice he has a girlfriend of 4 years, we have NOT had sex, he has never threatened me or hit me est... , i think I’m in love i want to know what he thinks and what I can do etc... I...

A.   29 December 2019: OP, we HAVE told you. It is NOT okay. He is an ADULT and you are a CHILD. You don’t feel like a child, but you are one. You need to tell your parents if he flirts with you. He is your cousin, he is not single and, most importantly, he is TOO OLD for ... (read in full...)

I found out my husband is cheating, I want to be able to do the same.

Q.   Question 1 ive been with my husband for 10yrs we both did our share of cheating and I thought we were passed it I promised to never cheat again I recently found out he still cheating but here I stay but now that I know his secret how can I tell him ...

A.   29 December 2019: OP, just get divorced. Neither of you love each other; you just keep cheating on each other. An open relationship doesn’t solve that. Cheating is about the secrecy and lying . Open relationships are about the honesty and trust. Why do you want to ... (read in full...)

My Ex Girlfriend has told me the only person who will raise our son is her.

Q.   The mother of my child and my ex girlfriend got a new boyfriend. We’ve been broke up since October 28, of last year. So roughly 14 months ago. About, May of that time period, only a month or two after our son was born. We were at my senior ...

A.   29 December 2019: I’m going to be blunt because it seems like you need a bit of a wake up call. Time to grow up. “Mother of my child”, not “baby mama”. “Our child”, never “her child”. Any QUALITY items, not just “name brand”. You two are toxic together. You’re t... (read in full...)

I got my step-sister pregnant. How do I tell the family?

Q.   I was with my step-sister who is only a year younger then me when she told me she had a crush. I asked her who it was and she said a guy called. Which I thought was weird as that was also my name. I said 'Can I meet him?' She said 'WE'RE NOT ...

A.   26 December 2019: This doesn’t really sound true, but if it is, you just have to announce it and get it out of the way. “I got her pregnant” and take the consequences.... (read in full...)

I'm in love with my cousin but not sure about his feelings for me

Q.   I am I love with my 20year old cousin. I am 15. I don’t know what to do. He has a girlfriend but he acts like he likes me : he always teases me and we cuddle and other more intimate things. However I don’t know if he feels the same. I need him he is ...

A.   26 December 2019: Honey, I’m sorry, but this is not okay. Aside from him being your cousin, he is much too old. If he really is flirting with you and doing intimate things, it’s illegal. He’s grooming you because he knows you fancy him. It’s okay to have a crush ... (read in full...)

He's ready to break up with his fiancee to be with me but is it the right thing to do?

Q.   Hello agony aunts, 7 years ago I was in a relationship with this man whom I met in college. We were so in love however I had to finish my higher education outside the country for 2 years. We were trying patiently to manage the LDR but after I ...

A.   25 December 2019: You have to stop contacting each other for a few months for him to decide. If in 3 months he's still engaged, then you know where you stand. Do NOT meet up again, flirt, kiss or anything until he is single. Even IF he breaks up with her, you don't ... (read in full...)

Would I be judged for not wearing a bra?

Q.   I would like an honest opinion please I don't find bras comfortable. Would i be judged by men or women if I was to be without a bra in public I'm only small up top and I know it's my choice but even tho I'm small up top, to put it simply, ...

A.   24 December 2019: Everyone gets judged for various reasons. It’s a ridiculous and frustrating fact of life. Men’s nipples can show through clothes with no concern, so it’s a sexist double standard for women to be judged for the same - though that’s how many societies ... (read in full...)

Split for a month and I slept with someone else.

Q.   Hey aunts and uncles I am in a real dilemma, I have been with my man over four years,we have had our ups and downs and he often goes away for a few days and ignored me. A few times we have agreed to split and the last time we did was for a month. I...

A.   24 December 2019: OP, take the hint. You keep ending up on breaks for a reason. I’m sorry, but you need to call it quits or you’re just wasting your time. Love doesn’t mean you’re right for each other.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is going away for a month, how do I get through this?

Q.   My boyfriend will be going away for a month soon. I can't go. I am worried he will cheat on me. I fear I will not be able to cope with the constant anxiety and stress about what he is doing. Can anyone provide tips on how to stay SANE? An entire ...

A.   24 December 2019: If you don’t trust him, then you would be better off dumping him before he leaves. Trust is one of the most important things or a relationship is pointless.... (read in full...)

Split for a month and I slept with someone else.

Q.   Hey aunts and uncles I am in a real dilemma, I have been with my man over four years,we have had our ups and downs and he often goes away for a few days and ignored me. A few times we have agreed to split and the last time we did was for a month. I...

A.   24 December 2019: Read up on Friends “we were on a break”. One break is enough. More than one is too many. You keep having breaks for a reason, OP. You’re not meant to be together. I’m sorry that it’s not what you want to hear, but it’s unavoidable, regardle... (read in full...)

My boyfriend and his crazy ex .... I'm wondering if I should just leave them to it.

Q.   My partner and I just got back together, and he has female friends and he slept with all of them. This one in particular that he keeps in contact with I really hate her because she was his gf before we got back together and she did some really nasty ...

A.   23 December 2019: OP, you are 30 - 35. This pettiness is for teenagers, not adults. HE is the problem, not his ex. You’re blaming her when you should be blaming him. You don’t think it’s strange that he has slept with ALL of his female friends? I’m all for bein... (read in full...)

We don't have sex much anymore.

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years. And next year it is 10 years. But we don't have sex that much anymore. Is this normal in a relationship?. Or is there something wrong with me?. ...

A.   23 December 2019: You need to openly communicate with him: - “stress?” - “health issue?” - “no libido?” It is normal, as is having sex regularly. Many couples don’t have sex often after 10+ years, but some do. It’s all about whether it’s right for bot... (read in full...)

I'm worried I am leaving it too late to have a family.

Q.   I just recently turned 33 years old a couple of months ago and I am panicking about my age - specially because of the comments I get from my family about getting married and my eggs being dried up and mocking me about how I can’t seem to find anyone ...

A.   22 December 2019: OP, breathe. Prioritise. 1: Move out (focus on this, get it done and cut your parents out of your life) 2: Speak to a fertility clinic and test your fertility 3: you do not NEED a man to become a mother, it’s just the ideal situation 4... (read in full...)

My partner doesn't seem to care.

Q.   Hi I’m in a relationship now for 6 years but I feel so lonely I went out last night and kissed some bloke in front of everyone I was really drunk I get shown no affection from my boyfriend or shown any love at all we don’t have sex and he’s Been in ...

A.   22 December 2019: You sound a bit like this poster: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-annoyed-my-boyfriend-will-be-spending-my.html Dump the guy and find your own place or him find his own. Stop drinking to the point where you make a fool of yourself. Be singl... (read in full...)

Online dating .... men only seem to want to hook up for sex.

Q.   I am a woman in my late 40s nice looking, good figure, no kids, I have just started online dating and I get thousands of likes and tons of messages but never any dates! its so frustrating, the men online just seem to want sex hook ups and they ...

A.   22 December 2019: What does your profile say about you? What sites are you on? How about putting “Looking for a long-term relationship, but want to take things slowly” on your profile? Guys interested in hook ups tend to avoid women who make it clear that sex isn’... (read in full...)

Wife doesn't want to move to be with me because of her friends

Q.   My wife and I have been together for 4 years. We got married after two years, lived together for a year in our home state, then lived together for another year in Illinois as I attended school for my military career. My wife and I are both quiet...

A.   21 December 2019: I'm not going to lie, the Anon Male's (20/12) comment made me cringe. By that standard, why does the wife have to follow her husband, not the other way round? Perhaps he should quit the military and belong with her? Yuck, sexist notions. Look,... (read in full...)

My terrible anxiety is affecting everything!

Q.   I am 31 and I just finished working at a salon while training. I'm still attending college in January to finish a few things so not fully qualified just yet. But I have terrible anxiety. All throughout my job I've had moments where I didn't think ...

A.   20 December 2019: OP, please stop drinking. It gives short relief, but long-term problems. Meds don’t always work on their own; they often need cognitive behavioural therapy (teaches coping mechanisms) in addition to the meds. Also, if you come off of your meds... (read in full...)

Wife doesn't want to move to be with me because of her friends

Q.   My wife and I have been together for 4 years. We got married after two years, lived together for a year in our home state, then lived together for another year in Illinois as I attended school for my military career. My wife and I are both quiet...

A.   19 December 2019: OP, I totally get why it hurts; I'd be hurt too. That said, not only is she being practical, but she also needs her own life too. She needs to be able to build roots sometimes and enjoy them before following your career around. You chose a job th... (read in full...)

I'm annoyed my boyfriend will be spending my birthday with his sister instead of me.

Q.   Hi just looking for some opinions about this it’s my birthday tomorrow and my partner is at work all day until 4.30 now his sister have just phoned him asked him to go straight to hers from work to do some jobs around the house naturally I am ...

A.   19 December 2019: I think your frustration is justified, unless the things that need fixing are quite urgent and she can't afford a plumber (for example).... - Did you make plans, though? - Ask him to take you out for a belated birthday dinner this weekend ins... (read in full...)

LDR boyfriend won't come to see me for Christmas but will go see a friend whose father died

Q.   I am in a long distance relationship. He lives 2 states away, about 8 hours per drive. We had a little spat a few weeks ago, and patched things up. However, because of this spat, he told me that he would not be coming home for Christmas. He said I ...

A.   18 December 2019: Did he punish you or just want space and a spat-free Christmas? It's not surprising he didn't want to take time off over Christmas if you've recently had an argument. However, he's shown good loyalty to a friend who has suffered a terrible loss. ... (read in full...)

How to deal with a best friend who buys cheap gifts?

Q.   My best friend and I have always made an effort to buy each other nice, thoughtful gifts for birthdays and Christmas. The average amount we spent on each other was about 60$. In the past two years, I have noticed that she has been buying me i...

A.   18 December 2019: Stop making assumptions. Just talk to her. Best friends communicate. Suggest you go out for lunch or dinner and split the bill - much nicer than this present debacle.... (read in full...)

Is it okay to remain friends with an ex when you are in a new relationship?

Q.   Hello aunts Is it a good idea for a couple to stay friends with their respective ex's if the couple is newly in love with each other but still share a friendship that cannot be given up (not sexual feelings but say mutual respect and care with th...

A.   18 December 2019: I'm friends with my ex and he's been with someone else for about 10 months. We were together for 2.5 years just over 2 years ago. We didn't stop caring about each other and enjoying each other's company just because we weren't romantically ... (read in full...)

I'm unhappy about having to spend much of Christmas Day alone.

Q.   I’m an 18-year old lad and facing the majority of Christmas day alone. I’ve honestly never felt so rotten in my entire life. As well as having Aspergers syndrome I’ve always been shy and introverted, and as such I’ve got no friends in life and have ...

A.   18 December 2019: You're not a loser. Your feelings are valid. However, being in a relationship before you're 21 is overrated. It does very little long-term, as nice as it may feel at the time. Improve your social skills by focusing on making friends - find s... (read in full...)

If a man says degrading things to one woman or rapes a woman, do you think he thinks poorly of women in general?

Q.   Before coming to college and then entering the “real world”, I never really encountered men who were rude, gross or overly forward with women. I guess they were all on their parents' leashes in high school. Anyway, I had one guy in particular text ...

A.   15 December 2019: Whilst most men are decent people or at the very least not abusive or rapists, a lot of them aren't. A fair number of men in university will harass women and push boundaries as though it's a rite of passage, but will "grow up" at some point and most ... (read in full...)

I'm 68 haven't had sex since I was 35. I'm worried it will be painful

Q.   I would like to know. If I have not had sex since I was 35 and now I am 68 will it hurt. I would love to have the chemistry that this person is my match and romance I do love. I need answers? ...

A.   13 December 2019: - Trip to the gynaecologist first - Lots of arousal before any penetration - Lots of lube (even if you do make your own) - A bullet vibrator available to help with arousal... (read in full...)

How do I find out if my LDR husband is married to someone else?

Q.   Hello I'm Canadian, my husband is African. We met on fb, a friends request. I have been trying to get him to Canada which isn't an easy task. He is even declined on a visitor visa. So I usually go see him in Africa. There has been ...

A.   11 December 2019: You married a stranger. A scam artist. Why did you fall for it? Please speak to a lawyer and divorce this conman. Then seek therapy to find out why you allowed yourself to get caught up in this mess. I’m sorry you’ve been scammed, but you... (read in full...)

I really want a baby, is this a stage I am going through?

Q.   I turn 18 in a couple months and have been with my boyfriend a little over 2 years. We are neighbors so we have slept with each other but I really want a baby. And I really want to be with him forever. Is this just a stage I am going through?...

A.   4 December 2019: It truly is a stage. Enjoy being young, but be responsible. Babies are for life and this is a passing whim. Babies are great, but they are 24/7 hard work and delay your life goals, if not stop them completely. Babies are expensive. Have you fini... (read in full...)

I'm having sex with my ex who is married to someone else.

Q.   Hello everyone, so I'm in a situation that I've never been in one before. And I don't know where to start so I'm going to try to keep it as short as possible. I have a daughter that is 8 years old. Her father and I have been split up since...

A.   1 December 2019: Stop it. You’re old enough to know better. He WILL cheat on you. You should NOT have sex with a man who isn’t single. You can NOT promise a sister for your daughter. Your daughter does NOT actually want a sister - she’s 8; she wants a lot o... (read in full...)

Does he think we're official?

Q.   Been seeing this guy for a couple of months and uses “we” alot and even said the other day “ we make a good couple dont we?” Would you take this as him hinting or assuming we official? Or do you think I should wait for him to ask directly? I know I ...

A.   28 November 2019: It seems official, but assuming is a bad idea. He may never ask. Be mature and ask - he may even be relieved you stepped up to it :)... (read in full...)

My boyfriend keeps making comments that make me feel bad about myself.

Q.   I've been dating a man for the last 3 months that has never been in a relationship before. He's 27 and has dated but never committed. We met through mutual friends and had a bit of a rough start in some areas but he was always receptive to listening ...

A.   28 November 2019: If anyone, man or woman, makes you feel bad about yourself more than once, get rid of them. Accepting yourself is hard enough to do without a jerk making rude comments.... (read in full...)

My wife wont wear a bra when people are over.

Q.   Not sure how I should feel about my wife and her feeling nudity is only a problem if your looking at it sexually .. I find it disrespectful if someone is over and she doesn’t have a bra on or is t fully clothed .. am I over reacting?...

A.   25 November 2019: This is two “problems”: 1) No Bra: bras can be VERY uncomfortable and irritating. Nipples or braless boobs that are modestly covered by a top/dress that isn’t transparent are only sexual to people who objectify the person. It’s fair to silently... (read in full...)

*ndie's Thoughts's friends

These are mutual friends, so *ndie's Thoughts has added them and they have added *ndie's Thoughts!

Abella agony auntAbella
N91 agony auntN91

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.140650600005756!