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*ndie's Thoughts agony aunt

*ndie's Thoughts

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*ndie's Thoughts's profile:

I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)

Karma does happen:

My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy.

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Can I fool this new guy into thining I'm not a virgin?

Q.   Hello! I met a man online. We have been talking for three months on an dating app. We’ve clicked and have a lot in common. The conversation of us being intimate has come up. However, I don’t want to tell him I am a virgin, I’m 26 and he is 22...

A.   27 September 2018: You lucky woman! At least you dodged a bullet :) Hold your head high, continue being honest and find someone who doesn't care whether or not you're a virgin, but wants the same casual sex you do. All I would say, is whilst "clingy" is the wrong wo... (read in full...)

I think this 15 yo boy will probably want sex!

Q.   i am a 13 year old . this guy is very cute and i like him a lot . and he asked me if i wanted to have sex with him and i told him “ rpprobably not maybe i’ll succ you tho “ and yeah he is 15 and is not a virgin and i’m 13 and i am . ughhh idk what ...

A.   19 August 2018: You're at least three years too young for this mess - legally FIVE years too young. Please don't talk about sexual stuff with guys. You'll regret it, get hurt and possibly pregnant because it's easy to get carried away. You'll also get a bad repu... (read in full...)

How does someone go about meeting other bi-curious people?

Q.   I am a 40 something woman who is interested in exploring my bi-curiosity. I have had a couple drunken make outs with girlfriends when I was in my twenties but no other experiences to speak of. I am divorced and dating a man but my desire to have a ...

A.   18 August 2018: Your bi-curiosity doesn't excuse cheating. That's wht this would be unless your boyfriend is happy for you to do it. It's also easy to find people, but you need to be honest that you're just experimenting because lots of people don't want to be yo... (read in full...)

How do I tell my date that I’m bisexual?

Q.   I’m a bisexual woman and I need advice on coming out to a guy I’ve been dating for a couple of weeks. I’d like to know if any other bisexual people have advice on how to do it, and how straight people would feel if a date came out to them as ...

A.   17 August 2018: Put simply, if it's a deal breaker for anyone, they're not right for you.... (read in full...)

Sometimes people don’t understand my sense of humour!

Q.   i hope I don't sound big headed but I feel as though I am quite a funny person which is one of the things I like about myself and makes me feel slightly more confident , I always seem to make someone laugh , when im in a group of people im normally ...

A.   17 August 2018: Everyone likes and understands different types of humour. Learn not to take it to heart and when to clarify that you're joking, or when the audience is the wrong type for a dry joke.... (read in full...)

Am I having these doubts because the honeymoon phase is over and we've been together for 8 years? Or am I with the wrong person?

Q.   I am really struggling with myself at the moment. I don't know whether my doubts are justified or if I'm just having some sort of quarter life crisis. I have been going out with my boyfriend for 8 years now (since we were 16 and at school!) and ...

A.   17 August 2018: Alos, I'd like to stress that "don't sh*t where you eat" (don't date where you work) is really important. Work is for professionalism, not dating - unless you're happy with rumours and changing jobs if there's a messy break up. Be single for a yea... (read in full...)

Am I having these doubts because the honeymoon phase is over and we've been together for 8 years? Or am I with the wrong person?

Q.   I am really struggling with myself at the moment. I don't know whether my doubts are justified or if I'm just having some sort of quarter life crisis. I have been going out with my boyfriend for 8 years now (since we were 16 and at school!) and ...

A.   17 August 2018: People in relationships need to grow together and independently. You've both grown apart. Nobody is the same as they were 5 years ago, nor will they be the same in 5 years. If he was right for you, you wouldn't be doubting it frequently. You'... (read in full...)

My body turned him off ... he preferred to watch porn.

Q.   I split up with my boyfriend of 10 years a few months ago and he's really effected my self esteem. He said quite hurtful things about my body, I'm just looking for some opinions from guys about what kind of imperfections would really put you off. ...

A.   17 August 2018: Almost every woman has stretch marks. Very few women are an "ideal" weight every day of their adult lives - it usually fluctuates. Boobs are never perfect - even when surgically altered. No boobs are symmetrical and most areolas are bigger or s... (read in full...)

She likes slaps and I like kisses. We have a baby girl but I don’t see how this will work!

Q.   More than a year ago, I started dating a girl who I was exactly smitten by but wanted to see how things would progress. I was introduced to her via a friend so I really wanted to see where things would go. During the first few weeks, we got on ...

A.   17 August 2018: Too little, too late. You should have ended it at the beginning when it was clear you weren't too interested or compatible. Marrying is a bad idea. Accept that this relationship is going nowhere and that marriage won't improve it. Children... (read in full...)

I can't seem to let this attached man go?

Q.   I've been the other woman for a year and I now finally ready to leave but I can't seem to get that last bit of strength to send that break up text. Our affair is purely sexual and I want more. I don't find a relationship that is based on sex sat...

A.   16 August 2018: You’ve done the right thing. If you haven’t already, block and delete his number, block him on social media and remove any notes or photos of/from him. Begin a new hobby and remember to allow yourself to be sad, but also remind yourself that he... (read in full...)

I can't seem to let this attached man go?

Q.   I've been the other woman for a year and I now finally ready to leave but I can't seem to get that last bit of strength to send that break up text. Our affair is purely sexual and I want more. I don't find a relationship that is based on sex sat...

A.   15 August 2018: “Don’t contact me any more”. Then block him and cut all contact. Do it immediately, then you can’t take it back. Don’t make it long, don’t explain anything don’t go into any feelings, just send a text saying you don’t want to talk any more. Get a ... (read in full...)

Any advice please I’m pregnant and I feel like he doesn’t care

Q.   My boyfriend stemmed to be happy that I was pregnant until I pushed him away and deleted my Facebook and Instagram for a break. He hurt me I had enough I deleted social media so he doesn’t know how I am since we are long distance. He literally knew ...

A.   15 August 2018: I think you have every right not to date him again, but you need to stop playing games and communicate properly because you are about to be a parent. There is no time for you to be selfish and immature, you both need to step up to the mark and talk ... (read in full...)

Can I fool this new guy into thining I'm not a virgin?

Q.   Hello! I met a man online. We have been talking for three months on an dating app. We’ve clicked and have a lot in common. The conversation of us being intimate has come up. However, I don’t want to tell him I am a virgin, I’m 26 and he is 22...

A.   13 August 2018: For most people, particularly with their first experiences, sex is better when dating someone or having a good connection and deep trust. You don’t care about that? I have no issue with casual sex, but I’d always advise your first time being with ... (read in full...)

He says that showing him my sex organs is the sign of true love!

Q.   i am in a long distance relationship for almost 5 months. now he is forcing me to show my sex organs. he says that this is the sign of true love. if i don't, that means i don't trust him. he even told me that from next year on, when i will stay in a ...

A.   12 August 2018: Also, men can absolutely control their lust and sex drive. Anyone who says otherwise is just trying to get you to have sex with them or show parts of yourself to them.... (read in full...)

He says that showing him my sex organs is the sign of true love!

Q.   i am in a long distance relationship for almost 5 months. now he is forcing me to show my sex organs. he says that this is the sign of true love. if i don't, that means i don't trust him. he even told me that from next year on, when i will stay in a ...

A.   12 August 2018: He’s just manipulating you. Don’t show him any part of your body that you would not show a male family member. People who love you to not act like this. You should break up with him and it’s unlikely that he’ll kill himself over it because he is ... (read in full...)

Can I fool this new guy into thining I'm not a virgin?

Q.   Hello! I met a man online. We have been talking for three months on an dating app. We’ve clicked and have a lot in common. The conversation of us being intimate has come up. However, I don’t want to tell him I am a virgin, I’m 26 and he is 22...

A.   11 August 2018: We told you. Don’t lie, be upfront and, when you’re ready, you’ll be relaxed enough. If you’re scared of it hurting, you’re not ready. If you’re not relaxed, you’re not ready.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's sexual past worries me

Q.   Im currently dating this man whose been sexually active since a very young age. Well at first he didn't tell me about it, everything was going awesome, until we got too comfortable and he decided to share some personal things about him. He told me ...

A.   11 August 2018: He's not ready for a relationship and you're not ready for one like this. He's been repeatedly sexually abused and need to get professional help. Don't think of it )or refer to it) as sex; it was rape and abuse of a minor. Someone I know was sexu... (read in full...)

Do females feel it is important to work when married?

Q.   Do you females feel like it’s important to work when married? My gf has only managed part time job, and few years later we are low on money and still not living together. She lost the job and now found another part because no one will accept her ...

A.   11 August 2018: Do men like ice cream? Do women like green? Do humans like swimming? Do you see how silly the "Do you females feel like it’s important to work when married?" question is? So, yes, a lot of women still want and/or need to work, even after marriage... (read in full...)

What is it with guys and porn? He has me!

Q.   I'm in a long term relationship, we're both in our mid twenties. We live together and both work from home so we spend a lot of time together. My bf watches porn while i'm in the shower. We have sex twice a month since I stopped initiating. I k...

A.   11 August 2018: I don't know why you're with him. You're sexually incompatible and he's sexually lazy. His porn habit is because he wants a quick release with minimal effort. He doesn't care about you enjoying it; you're just a sex doll with no desire to him. ... (read in full...)

Should I confront him about this or should I let it go if we talk normally again?

Q.   So I have been a little upset this week, because my boyfriend of 7 months, which is older than me (he is 46) I am 30, has not text me this whole week, on Tuesday he just send me a video through Whatsapp, I rather a ''Hi my love'', not a video. ...

A.   11 August 2018: Does he normally text you more? Calls are worth more than texts. When I was with my first boyfriend, we could text a lot, talk for hours on the phone (at the beginning) and we'd send each other video messages that I really treasured. The p... (read in full...)

How far would you be prepared to travel to a friends wedding? Is the very expensive proposition even practical with my girlfriend and one year old baby?

Q.   How far would you be prepared to travel to a friends wedding? Hello everyone! After some honest and friendly advice regarding an up coming opportunity. I live in the UK and one of my closest friends lives in Auz. He has decide to go ahead and get...

A.   8 August 2018: This is why, whilst holiday weddings can be magical, you have to be understanding when people can't afford to go. Don't go. Buy a nice present and lightheartedly suggest you'd attend a more local reception, if they ever decide to do one :)... (read in full...)

Can I fool this new guy into thining I'm not a virgin?

Q.   Hello! I met a man online. We have been talking for three months on an dating app. We’ve clicked and have a lot in common. The conversation of us being intimate has come up. However, I don’t want to tell him I am a virgin, I’m 26 and he is 22...

A.   8 August 2018: You seem to have a real attitude problem. Anyway, yes, you should just straight up tell him you're a virgin looking to have sex with someone. He needs to know you're not after a relationship or dating, whether you tell him you're a virgin or not.... (read in full...)

My fiance was looking at porn on his phone with my 9 year old sitting right next to him

Q.   Hi I was at work on Sunday my fiancé was at home looking after our 9 year old son I got up yesterday morning my son says to me while you were at work on Sunday my dad was looking at girls dresses all in leather on his phone while I was sat next to ...

A.   8 August 2018: You're not overreacting. Tell him in no uncertain terms "there is a time and a place for things like that and it is NOT when you are supposed to be looking after our son!" Personally, I wouldn't marry a guy who didn't understand or care that exp... (read in full...)

I'm dating someone who says he is speaking to others. How do I take that?

Q.   Dear Cupid readers I have went a date with someone recently, he said that's he's speaking to other woman. How do I take this? ...

A.   8 August 2018: It depends. It makes sense, in the early stages, not to solely speak to one person. However, if it's going well after a couple of dates, it also makes sense to see where it goes and stop with the others. Thing is, OP, if you've only been on one d... (read in full...)

I love my girlfriend but don't enjoy sex

Q.   I'm in a relationship with another girl and have known her 2 years. I do love her but I don't enjoy having sex at all. I don't know if it's because I don't physically fancy her that much or because I can't be bothered to have sex. I find it boring ...

A.   6 August 2018: Did you ever fancy her? Are you attracted to her, just not sexually? Have you been intimate with others? Are you still questioning your sexuality? Have you tried spicing things up? Can you imagine wanting to have sex or do you feel sex i... (read in full...)

Can I fool this new guy into thining I'm not a virgin?

Q.   Hello! I met a man online. We have been talking for three months on an dating app. We’ve clicked and have a lot in common. The conversation of us being intimate has come up. However, I don’t want to tell him I am a virgin, I’m 26 and he is 22...

A.   6 August 2018: OP, you barely know each other. Stop rushing into thinking about sex when you haven't met yet. For starters, your hymen might already have broken - exercise, tampons, an injury, masturbation, etc. can all break it. Secondly, most 22 year old... (read in full...)

My wife thinks I am after her sister. How do I convince her that is silly?

Q.   My wife's sister is a year older than she is. Overall, I have never known them to be competitive or jealous. Recently, her sister got a job at my place of employment. I played a part (but only a part) in getting her the job, which resulted in her g...

A.   5 August 2018: OP, sister-in-law or not, she's just another woman. Would you be okay with your wife doing the same things with another man? Being so enthusiastic? Going to lunch frequently? Texting a lot? You wouldn't like it, so stop doing it. Maybe go to lunch... (read in full...)

My husband slapped me on the face because he didn't like what I was wearing and I wouldn't change

Q.   3 years ago, i thought i met the love of my life. I've been in the US for 4 years, since I've been working there i met this man, we got into a relationship and after 1 year, he proposed to me. I was madly in love with him. Since we got married, he ...

A.   5 August 2018: Whatever you do, do NOT get pregnant! Do NOT tie yourself to this controlling and abusive man for the rest of your life. You do need to get a divorce and quickly. Don't have sex with him again and get on birth control if he may force you or use t... (read in full...)

How can I subtly hint that I fancy my co-worker? I think he likes me too, but he seems shy 

Q.   So over the past few months I got to know a co-worker from a different department pretty well. He often comes over to my department to ask me research questions, and we got talking and have a LOT in common, we really click and have very similar ...

A.   5 August 2018: Exhibit A of why you don’t date at work: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-ex-whos-also-my-colleague-has-ended.html... (read in full...)

How can I subtly hint that I fancy my co-worker? I think he likes me too, but he seems shy 

Q.   So over the past few months I got to know a co-worker from a different department pretty well. He often comes over to my department to ask me research questions, and we got talking and have a LOT in common, we really click and have very similar ...

A.   4 August 2018: OP, don’t bother. Be professional. If one of you leaves the job, you can ask him out. Don’t do it whilst you still work in the same company. It’s awfully difficult to go through an uncomfortable break up when you work at the same place.... (read in full...)

Want to be more serious with him but feel guilty for flirting with someone else. Should I feel bad about this? Pleas help

Q.   Hello i am 16 years old and have never really been in a serious relationship. The last time i was in a relationship was a year ago and it only lasted a week, so i don’t count it. I am currently talking to a guy right now and have been flirting for a ...

A.   4 August 2018: It’s not bad and it’s not cheating. However, please evaluate what you mean by “serious”. 16 isn’t a good age for an adult relationship, which is what “serious” means. Having a boyfriend you’re exclusive with is okay, but anything intimate beyond ... (read in full...)

Lazy, childish and his habits disgust me but he takes no notice when I speak to him. What should I do?

Q.   Hi I’ve been with my partner for nearly 6 years we have a 3 year old daughter together I’m now realising what disgusting habits he has he always farts and he makes our daughter do it on people he spits which our daughter does and he is always ...

A.   4 August 2018: I know why it’s hard to leave, but he hasn’t only just become like this. You’ve been together for several years - it’s unlikely he only became like this once you had children. It’s time for an ultimatum: “grow up or we go” and stick to it. Don... (read in full...)

I was insensitive and hurt my g/f. She broke up with me and I don't know how to make it up to her

Q.   My ex broke up with me yesterday. She was my first relationship after 4 years. I was her first boyfriend. Weve been together for 3 months and in that time span ive already made her cry 5 times.She's such a sweet and pure girl. She gave me all her ...

A.   3 August 2018: Put it simply to her: "if we can't date, I understand, but I can't be your friend because I don't want that". Ask for a simple answer, then move on. If she says she can't date you, wish her well and block her. Do NOT plead with her or keep ... (read in full...)

I was insensitive and hurt my g/f. She broke up with me and I don't know how to make it up to her

Q.   My ex broke up with me yesterday. She was my first relationship after 4 years. I was her first boyfriend. Weve been together for 3 months and in that time span ive already made her cry 5 times.She's such a sweet and pure girl. She gave me all her ...

A.   2 August 2018: THIS IS HARASSMENT! She TOLD you to leave her alone. You are essentially STALKING her because she doesn’t want you to talk to her any more. I hope she blocks you and you get therapy to TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER. Don’t talk to her friend about... (read in full...)

I was insensitive and hurt my g/f. She broke up with me and I don't know how to make it up to her

Q.   My ex broke up with me yesterday. She was my first relationship after 4 years. I was her first boyfriend. Weve been together for 3 months and in that time span ive already made her cry 5 times.She's such a sweet and pure girl. She gave me all her ...

A.   1 August 2018: STOP THINKING OF YOURSELF! That's why the relationship failed. LEAVE HER ALONE. She can't heal if she gets a letter from you. If someone starts healing from a wound, you don't stab it again or remind them! Seriously, STOP being selfish.... (read in full...)

How do you get comfortable giving oral sex?

Q.   Sorry for the rather graphic sex details but I just don't know what to do. Recently started dating for the first time and have started being intimate together these past couple months (also a first). Technically we've "had sex" but it's mostly ...

A.   1 August 2018: Flavoured lube and condoms. Aside from that, only try oral when you're ready. If you're not ready, it won't go well. If you are ready, it will just happen. Someday, when you're having sex with someone, it may just feel right (for you) to try it. You ... (read in full...)

I was insensitive and hurt my g/f. She broke up with me and I don't know how to make it up to her

Q.   My ex broke up with me yesterday. She was my first relationship after 4 years. I was her first boyfriend. Weve been together for 3 months and in that time span ive already made her cry 5 times.She's such a sweet and pure girl. She gave me all her ...

A.   1 August 2018: Leave her alone. No letters! Stop being selfish, OP. You messed up. Accept it. Understand it. Learn from it. It should not be possible to upset someone you're supposed to care about that many times in only 3 months. You will never have a su... (read in full...)

When is it appropriate to tell a date that I don't want kids?

Q.   I'm a 25 year old woman. Have never had the desire to have children and while I know people change over time, I think I may never want kids. This issue makes it a bit harder for me because I noticed most people want kids, while the minority of ...

A.   30 July 2018: To be honest, waiting is a bad idea. The whole point of dating is to reduce the options and the right guy isn't going to be one who wants kids, so you're only removing the guys from the equation who aren't compatible with you. That's a good thing, ... (read in full...)

I'm sitting here alone and pregnant, can I get any advice?

Q.   I dated this guy for almost six months during the time I got pregnant.Issues between me and his mom became apparent when she and her daughter begin writting shady comments on my fb page I finally confront both of them and his mom end up call me a ...

A.   30 July 2018: Your follow up is great, but child support is necessary for the child, not for you. You can move on, but that child still deserves the financial support from the father, so please don't walk away without it. You do all of those good things you ... (read in full...)

He’s unreachable every weekend!

Q.   Hey guys, I’m really upset right now and I’d appreciate some help. I’ve been with this guy for about 7 years. We met in college and I moved to the states in 2015, pregnant with his child. I admit he made sure to keep in touch with me as much as po...

A.   30 July 2018: OP, you're not happy. You need to find ways to make yourself happy. Join a group for mums and toddlers. Make some friends. Go for walks and picnics with your son. Find a way to access adult conversation. Maybe you and "this guy" (strange thing to... (read in full...)

What does this type of hug mean?

Q.   I was getting ready to leave my friend's house when I asked him for a hug. He accepted by stretching his arms out towards me, inviting me in. At first, he had his hands on my upper back. Then, after a few seconds, he decided to lower them down to my ...

A.   30 July 2018: A hug. It means "you asked for a hug. I'm giving you a hug." A lot of people, particularly young people, have a way of hugging women and a way of hugging men. No matter which woman or man it is, the hug stays the same as it is for the other me... (read in full...)

Are my parents right to punish me with a prison type punishment ?

Q.   IS IT RIGHT THAT MY PARENTS HAVE PUT ME IN PRISON ? AND ARE THEY BEING MEAN FOR NOT LETTING ME GO OUT INTO OUR GARDEN ? I got caught shoplifting, my parents said they don't want to see me go to jail, so are punishing me severely, they h...

A.   29 July 2018: Stop with the capitals and shouting. You shoplifted, so yes, this punishment is fair, provided you can open a window for fresh air and still have regular food and drinks. You need to buck your ideas up, OP. I'm glad you're bored. You're not supp... (read in full...)

I'm sitting here alone and pregnant, can I get any advice?

Q.   I dated this guy for almost six months during the time I got pregnant.Issues between me and his mom became apparent when she and her daughter begin writting shady comments on my fb page I finally confront both of them and his mom end up call me a ...

A.   20 July 2018: For what it's worth, I think you should really consider Anon's advice. I didn't mention abortion because I don't know when it's "too late", but it's something to discuss with a doctor. He's shown you can't rely on him. If you have the baby, th... (read in full...)

I'm sitting here alone and pregnant, can I get any advice?

Q.   I dated this guy for almost six months during the time I got pregnant.Issues between me and his mom became apparent when she and her daughter begin writting shady comments on my fb page I finally confront both of them and his mom end up call me a ...

A.   18 July 2018: OP, please bear with this; it's important.... GROW UP. Being four months pregnant doesn't mean you shouldn't work. You should absolutely work. Get a job immediately and work until you are close to giving birth, unless a doctor says sooner. Mos... (read in full...)

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