New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login241479 questions, 1068397 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap
*ndie's Thoughts agony aunt

*ndie's Thoughts

United Kingdom  (Female   XML/RSS

Like what she writes?
... Add *ndie's Thoughts to your favourite agony aunts

Want to get in touch?
... Send *ndie's Thoughts a private message

*ndie's Thoughts's Ratings

Rating: 7.7

Excellent67%
Average10%
Poor23%
*ndie's Thoughts's profile:

I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)

Karma does happen:

My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy.

< Prev1234567891011Next > [65 pages, 2571 answers]

My boyfriend is divorced but still treats matters as though he is married

Q.   First I want to apologize for my English. Well my story is very simple. I have a boyfriend, who lives with me 1 year ago and we are together for almost 2 years. When I met him, he was separated to almost 3 years but he still married and promised me ...

A.   24 May 2019: Unfortunately, you made the mistake of dating someone who was still married. Separated is still married. Divorced is no longer married and now free to date others. It's good he'll move out and you can move on.... (read in full...)

My girlfriend cant see my point of view and issued an ultimatum

Q.   I'm in a bit of a dilemma as I've just started a relationship with a girl who I really thought was the one. We've been going out for about four months now and I really do love her and she loves me. She's just been on a massive rant to me today ...

A.   24 May 2019: I’m sorry, OP, but this isn’t love. You don’t truly love someone after only 4 months; there’s not enough time for proper substance yet. Add to that her incredibly controlling and paranoid attitude, you will waste months or years of your life with ... (read in full...)

I can't stand my partner's family but I can't ask him to give them up. What can I do?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for some years now. We have 3 children together. He has 4, another from a previous relationship that he never gets to see because things ended badly. So when we first got together, he vaguely referenced his family b...

A.   24 May 2019: Now that you’ve added this: tell your boyfriend he needs to have a word with them and be on your side going forward or you will leave. From the sounds of it, I’m not sure his ex-girlfriend situation is on her, considering how toxic his family is and ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is divorced but still treats matters as though he is married

Q.   First I want to apologize for my English. Well my story is very simple. I have a boyfriend, who lives with me 1 year ago and we are together for almost 2 years. When I met him, he was separated to almost 3 years but he still married and promised me ...

A.   23 May 2019: Things are different for different people. Some exes remain friends, particularly if they have children together, and help out when necessary. Personally, I'd think paying her bills is too much, though, unless he's actually just continui... (read in full...)

I can't stand my partner's family but I can't ask him to give them up. What can I do?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for some years now. We have 3 children together. He has 4, another from a previous relationship that he never gets to see because things ended badly. So when we first got together, he vaguely referenced his family b...

A.   23 May 2019: Firstly, marriage is important for the security of your children, regardless of how you feel about the titles. You don't have to have a full blown wedding or anything religious, but it would be wise to be legally married for the security. In t... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is very casual about his daughters' privacy and I find it very very odd

Q.   Ive been seeing a guy who's super awesome. We're both single parents of two girls each. They stay the night frequently. My girls are 9 and 13, his are 9 and 11. Despite having lived in an all girl house for the last 5 years or so, my daughters and ...

A.   21 May 2019: BrownWolf, privacy is a big thing all across the world - not just North America :) Dads with no creepy behaviours don’t sniff their daughters laundry and *deliberately* walk in on them.... (read in full...)

My 24 year old son is physically abusive occasionally

Q.   Hello I really appreciate this site. Thank you for making it. I’d find it very helpful. This time I have a family related question and I’d appreciate an suggestions/recommendations you can give me thank you. What’s happened is that I have a ...

A.   21 May 2019: You look out for your other children and let consequences catch up with the 24 year old. Advise him to get anger management, but also advise your other children not to be alone with him because he is unpredictable.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend goes too quickly during sex. How do I talk to him about it?

Q.   I don’t know how to talk to my boyfriend about this without him saying i dont like out s*x life or making him feel bad. I love what wr have but he tends to finish too quickly, 2 days ago it was probably 30 seconds, and it has happened before but it ...

A.   21 May 2019: If you’re ready to have sex, you need to be ready to discuss it. If you can’t, you shouldn’t be having sex. He is selfish. You need to tell him straight up that you will no longer accept him not trying to pleasure you too. You will not spit so ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is very casual about his daughters' privacy and I find it very very odd

Q.   Ive been seeing a guy who's super awesome. We're both single parents of two girls each. They stay the night frequently. My girls are 9 and 13, his are 9 and 11. Despite having lived in an all girl house for the last 5 years or so, my daughters and ...

A.   20 May 2019: Yeah, no. Family differences aren't cultural. He's clueless, but he could look online for advice. He IS being creepy. Girls are MEANT to smell a little down below; our bodies clean themselves out. Their father is not supposed to do anything other ... (read in full...)

We're both unhappy in our marriages and have a long history. Should we have sex?

Q.   When I was a teenager While visiting family i met a boy, through high school we crushed back and forth on each other secretly and living in different ends of the country made it impossible for anything to happen. As young adults be told me he liked ...

A.   20 May 2019: Guarantee or not, you're still cheating. IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY, LEAVE. Don't destroy your family with this emotional affair. Male anon, what terrible advice. Being faithful to your partner isn't about "religious BS". It breaks people to find out thei... (read in full...)

We're both unhappy in our marriages and have a long history. Should we have sex?

Q.   When I was a teenager While visiting family i met a boy, through high school we crushed back and forth on each other secretly and living in different ends of the country made it impossible for anything to happen. As young adults be told me he liked ...

A.   19 May 2019: Then stop doing everything for your husband and do stuff for yourself - EXCEPT flirting and cheating. Jokingly talking about sex doesn’t cancel out your “Am I making a mistake by joining him for the night ?” Yes, yes you would be making a mistake.... (read in full...)

Why can’t he say that promise when I’m having an anxiety attack?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for over 6 years. We we've been together since school. We live each other very much but last year my anxiety got worse which nearly resulted in us breaking up. When this happened I went through a period of ...

A.   19 May 2019: I have extremely bad anxiety too, but you are asking your boyfriend to lie. Calming you down shouldn't cost him his own conscience. You WILL cause exactly what you fear if you pressure him into pandering to you when you have a panic attack. OP, y... (read in full...)

My husband looks at young women in porn and tells me I should just be happy he's still having sex with me despite my shortcomings

Q.   My husband looks at porn of women around 18- 20 . I’m entering menopause and feeling extremely depressed about my changes to my body such as less elasticity and lubrication wrinkles etc . I’m fit and healthy but nothing makes me as young as the ...

A.   18 May 2019: Anon Female: - Porn is cheating for some people and not for others, you just need to be with someone who feels the same way. - Not everybody masturbates. - Going on a MILF app is still cheating, whether you hook up with anyone or not and c... (read in full...)

We're both unhappy in our marriages and have a long history. Should we have sex?

Q.   When I was a teenager While visiting family i met a boy, through high school we crushed back and forth on each other secretly and living in different ends of the country made it impossible for anything to happen. As young adults be told me he liked ...

A.   18 May 2019: OP, yo're already cheating. You're emotionally cheating. Stop it. Cheating DESTROYS people - it destroys CHILDREN. It's never okay to cheat and it will BREAK your family. If you're unhappy in your marriage, get couples' counselling and/or leave. D... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is very casual about his daughters' privacy and I find it very very odd

Q.   Ive been seeing a guy who's super awesome. We're both single parents of two girls each. They stay the night frequently. My girls are 9 and 13, his are 9 and 11. Despite having lived in an all girl house for the last 5 years or so, my daughters and ...

A.   18 May 2019: He should not be washing or dressing them, full stop. I don't know of a culture where spending time around your naked daughter after 6 or 7 years old is normal. By that age, if you're worried about them, you stand outside a closed door, not in there ... (read in full...)

My husband looks at young women in porn and tells me I should just be happy he's still having sex with me despite my shortcomings

Q.   My husband looks at porn of women around 18- 20 . I’m entering menopause and feeling extremely depressed about my changes to my body such as less elasticity and lubrication wrinkles etc . I’m fit and healthy but nothing makes me as young as the ...

A.   17 May 2019: "he invalidates my feelings and says all men prefer a hot young body and I should be happy he has sex with me" would push me out the door. It's rude, insensitive and not the kind of man you want in your life. I have to say that "I can't imagine ... (read in full...)

Is it ok to have sex with my aunt who's now divorced from my uncle?

Q.   My non-biological aunt and I are considering a sexual relationship. She divorced my uncle about 8 months ago and got completely cut off from my family until I messaged her. We have gone on a few "dates" and been sexual but only with our hands (i.e. ...

A.   17 May 2019: Don't be an idiot, OP. This is a stupid idea and she's just reeling from the divorce, wanting to get revenge. What better revenge than sleeping with her nephew? You'll probably do it anyway, if this isn't some fantasy you've cooked up, but y... (read in full...)

I'm completely infatuated with a married man who's my boyfriend's friend!

Q.   I just need someone to tell me that I’m crazy and maybe give me some advice on how to move on. I feel like I’m a high school girl! I’m 21 and I’m completely infatuated with a 40 year old married man who also happens to be very close with my ...

A.   17 May 2019: Older? Forbidden? Perfect for an unrealistic fantasy life. It's common to have a crush on someone you don't know inside out. You're not crazy, but you will need to keep reminding yourself that you're both unavailable and your fantasy life with him ... (read in full...)

I don't want my ex to go back with his former ex!

Q.   My ex and I split up 3 months ago. We have 2 children together that he still sees regular;y. I didnt want to split and I still love him but we argued too much and our relationship became so toxic it had to end. But now his ex-fiance, who h...

A.   16 May 2019: OP, time to take responsibility and get professional help. This is raw and you need proper support. No more drinking, especially while your kids are home - need motivation for that? Read up on the struggles of children who grew up around alcohol ... (read in full...)

I can't get over him, we had sex once but he has a girlfriend

Q.   A year ago I fell in love with someone who had a girlfriend. After months of building sexual tension, we had sex once, after which he told his girlfriend. She told him never to contact me again. For a few months he didn't, then he got back in touch. ...

A.   16 May 2019: It’s not love, OP - you’re infatuated because he’s forbidden, and rightly so. He’s a cheater and he’s disrespected his girlfriend by trying to keep contacting you. Emotions are why you shouldn’t have sex with people who aren’t interested in a ... (read in full...)

I ended the affair but the man I was involved with is blackmailing me into talking to him threatening me that he'll tell my husband

Q.   I’m a married woman but was going through a really bad patch with my husband and I started to get depression... while I was going through that I started chatting to a man online... we met and started an affair.... he knew I was married.... anyway he ...

A.   14 May 2019: Anonymous, it’s not “holier than thou” to say human beings DESERVE the truth from their partners. It wasn’t a one-time bad decision; it was an affair. Her husband deserves to know that and telling him will always be an option - whether the OP wants ... (read in full...)

How do I deal with an old, terminally ill dog who's pooping all around the house?

Q.   Sorry if this is not the typical question for this site but I need advice. I have an 11 year old dog. I have had him since 8 weeks old. Recently he's been falling over a lot on walks and not picking his feet up properly so his nails would bleed. ...

A.   14 May 2019: You can get doggy diapers, but it can get expensive. I’m sorry you’re faced with this decision, but you need to go back to the vet and decide with them if his quality of life isn’t good enough.... (read in full...)

How do I calm down during foreplay?

Q.   I'm very new to the world of sex, having never been in a relationship before. I now have a girlfriend who is equally as inexperienced. We've never actually had intercourse but I was wondering what people actually do during sex/foreplay when it comes ...

A.   14 May 2019: Towels/tissues. If you can’t have a laugh about the realities of sex, including the mess, then you shouldn’t be having sex together yet. It’s not a bad thing to prevent messes. Enjoy the foreplay, but remember to communicate in a healthy way when ... (read in full...)

Should I reconnect with an old lesbian teacher?

Q.   When I was at school, there was an out teacher. We got on well but I haven't spoken to her since I left, I was 16 then but I haven't seen her since. I felt that we had a good friendship at the time however it has been 5 years since I left. I don't ...

A.   12 May 2019: Let her go. Move on. She’s a happy memory of friendship, but she’s what was good for you then, not necessarily now. She’s moved on and you need to now too.... (read in full...)

Just found out he cheated the entire relationship. Should I give him chance?

Q.   I have been dating my current boyfriend for 3 years now. Our families have meshed and we've gone on many trips together, have gone through many experiences and have even told each other I love you half a year into our relationship. He lives on...

A.   12 May 2019: You will never be able to trust him again and for good reason. Let him go and find someone who won’t cheat.... (read in full...)

He hasn’t told a soul about his relationship with me and it bothers me. It’s all about respect, or is it?

Q.   I’ve been seeing this guy for about 9 months off and on. We’ve hooked up a few times. I don’t want anything serious because I’m going through a divorce (been legally separated for 2 years). Anyway, I’d kind of describe our relationship as slightly ...

A.   12 May 2019: In the nicest possible way, why would he tell anyone about an on-off casual hook-up buddy? You seem to feel more for him than he does for you. He doesn’t see you as a close friend. You put in all of the effort. He doesn’t seem to consider you as “... (read in full...)

He says he loves me but has a girlfriend. How do I get her out of the picture?

Q.   I’ve been dating a friend that I have known for over 30 years. Only thing is that he has a girlfriend. He has been with her since August 2016. My husband passed away in 2017 early and he has been there for me. We started seeing each other in Late ...

A.   11 May 2019: OP, homewrecker or not, you are being selfish and cruel to his girlfriend, just like he is. Losing your husband doesn’t give you the excuse to try to ruin someone else’s relationship. What would your late husband think of who you’ve become? A cold, ... (read in full...)

I ended the affair but the man I was involved with is blackmailing me into talking to him threatening me that he'll tell my husband

Q.   I’m a married woman but was going through a really bad patch with my husband and I started to get depression... while I was going through that I started chatting to a man online... we met and started an affair.... he knew I was married.... anyway he ...

A.   10 May 2019: Why on earth would you tell your husband? Because he deserves to know. You made the choice. He deserves to choose if he can forgive you for that or not. Your marriage is built on lies if you keep that from him. You *can’t* work on your marriage ... (read in full...)

He says he loves me but has a girlfriend. How do I get her out of the picture?

Q.   I’ve been dating a friend that I have known for over 30 years. Only thing is that he has a girlfriend. He has been with her since August 2016. My husband passed away in 2017 early and he has been there for me. We started seeing each other in Late ...

A.   10 May 2019: OP, he doesn’t WANT her out of the picture. You can’t date someone who’s not single. You’re just his mistress. You’re old enough to know better. The reason you’re worried you’ll lose him is because you know he doesn’t love you or want to be with ... (read in full...)

I've been a mistress for a long time and am starting to get bored with it all.

Q.   Hi guys. I've been a mistress for a long time. I can't really talk to people about this. But I'd like to know if it's normal to grow tired of being in a "relationship" which never grows or evolves? I am feeling tired of being a sex toy. Tired of ...

A.   10 May 2019: OP, you weren’t a victim. His wife is the victim. You are the co-conspirator. Until you accept your part and blame in this, understanding that you are not a victim, you aren’t learning anything from it. You feel no guilt, just sorry for yourself. ... (read in full...)

Why am I only drawn into these inappropriate, wrong relationships?

Q.   Why am I always drawn to taboo, inappropriate or wrong kind of relationship?? Ok here is a little detail about myself. I grew up a bit of a wallflower - no confidence at school, never pushy or good with hair and makeup and so was always the l...

A.   8 May 2019: You just seem to subconsciously prefer men where the relationships couldn’t go anywhere. The number of “normal” guys you’ve liked will dilute the frequency of how often you prefer men like that. As long as you use good judgement and acknowledge, but ... (read in full...)

I'm afraid of dogs and now I'm in love with a person who has a dog

Q.   I'm 33 years old male and as silly as it might sound, I've been terrified of dogs my whole life. When I was 8 years old I was attacked by pack of dogs and I was bitten so severely I had to spend weeks in hospital. I still have scars and ever since ...

A.   8 May 2019: Lots of men and women are afraid of dogs, especially after not being socialised with them or having a traumatic experience - same with any animal. The thing is, any good pet owner (with VERY few exceptions) will ditch a partner before a pet, so ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend just stood and watched while I was struggling rather than help me. Was this mean? Selfish?

Q.   I went shopping with my boyfriend and I was struggling to carry the bags so one of the bags fell on the floor and I was struggling to pick it up meanwhile my boyfriend just stood there and watched me struggle. I said thanks for helping me and he ...

A.   8 May 2019: Is this common behaviour in your relationship? You should have asked, but it also should have been his natural response to help. I wouldn't date someone who regularly wouldn't think to help, but I'd also (nicely) ask if someone who norm... (read in full...)

My friend lead me on, flirted a lot with me.. then ditched me for another girl forgetting that I existed. I feel hurt and embarrassed, help?

Q.   So I'm 25 and I've been friends with this guy for about a year, he's in my friendship group and he previously had a girlfriend, nothing ever happened between us and previously i always just saw him as a friend. Anyway he broke up with his girlfriend ...

A.   7 May 2019: Unfortunately, it’s easy to be lead on and easy to unintentionally lead someone on. I think you misread his signals and he wasn’t aware that you were interested. Some people flirt without the intention of it going anywhere. You didn’t even really ... (read in full...)

She can’t choose between us two!

Q.   I had a girlfriend who we met when she was in a relationship i won her then after few months she dumped me and went back to him,after 9 months she came back stalking me saying im the love of his life and she is still with her boyfriend when i ask ...

A.   7 May 2019: I think “stalking” may just be a poor translation of something, but I need you to understand that love and relationships are not about “winning” or “losing” someone. You have not been “defeated” and you can not “win” someone. This girl is confused... (read in full...)

My guy friends always wind up having feelings for me!

Q.   I've always enjoyed having guy friends more than girl friends, and i always have to deal with the exact same problem, which is, him ending up having feelings for me. I always try to avoid those situations by acting more casual and not giving them ...

A.   7 May 2019: I’d just like to add that there are three common types of guys in this situation: 1) Genuine - when you were just friends, but it snuck up on you. There’s no ulterior motive or anything, but sometimes it happens and sometimes it works out, but d... (read in full...)

My guy friends always wind up having feelings for me!

Q.   I've always enjoyed having guy friends more than girl friends, and i always have to deal with the exact same problem, which is, him ending up having feelings for me. I always try to avoid those situations by acting more casual and not giving them ...

A.   7 May 2019: Do lesbians need to avoid having female friends? No. Do gay men need to avoid having male friends? No. Do bisexuals have to have no friends at all? No. That’s why the “men and women usually can’t be friends” thing is flawed. If a guy has ... (read in full...)

She can’t choose between us two!

Q.   I had a girlfriend who we met when she was in a relationship i won her then after few months she dumped me and went back to him,after 9 months she came back stalking me saying im the love of his life and she is still with her boyfriend when i ask ...

A.   7 May 2019: Let her go. She’s not a prize to win, OP. I know it hurts, but she needs to choose for herself and you need to move on.... (read in full...)

I've lost my sex drive. How do I get it back?

Q.   Hello everyone, I must say I’m a little embarrassed with this one, I’m 27 years old, been with my GF for roughly 3 years and have completely lost my sex drive. We went from having sex multiple times a day to once a week/fortnight. I just fe...

A.   6 May 2019: Speak to a doctor to have a health check. Then try to up the romance and semi-spontaneity in your relationship, but communicate it well with your girlfriend first, so you don’t end up with clashing plans :) Once a week is still a healthy frequenc... (read in full...)

Why is he withdrawing after we have had sex?

Q.   Hello dear Agony Aunts My concern is this: I just met E who lives in another country. He came here for short holidays and we crossed paths at a beach party 9 days ago. We immediately got attracted to each other and we kissed on the beach when we go...

A.   6 May 2019: Following your update: those things are cute and sweet.... except when the person is still a stranger, which he is. You don’t know you can trust him. Don’t be naive enough to stay with or sleep with strangers. You need to be safe and responsible, ... (read in full...)

Why is he withdrawing after we have had sex?

Q.   Hello dear Agony Aunts My concern is this: I just met E who lives in another country. He came here for short holidays and we crossed paths at a beach party 9 days ago. We immediately got attracted to each other and we kissed on the beach when we go...

A.   6 May 2019: Unfortunately, you've gone about this the wrong way. You didn't "resist" if you gave in the next day. You just had sex a few times with a stranger, then looked after him when he was ill. He's possessive, but would easily move on to the next girl who ... (read in full...)

Do they really have these outrageous bills in Nigeria?

Q.   I have wrote here before. I had some good advice. It was about my Nigerian husband. I mentioned his mood swings , and I’m unable to ask any questions without his temper flaring up. Ai also mentioned his spending ways and his expections that ...

A.   5 May 2019: Look for support groups for those scammed by foreign men and women. Join one. Sit there and LISTEN. You WILL spot the huge red flags that you're currently ignoring. He is NOT your husband and you ARE in denial. That's not rude, but it feels rude ... (read in full...)

Do they really have these outrageous bills in Nigeria?

Q.   I have wrote here before. I had some good advice. It was about my Nigerian husband. I mentioned his mood swings , and I’m unable to ask any questions without his temper flaring up. Ai also mentioned his spending ways and his expections that ...

A.   2 May 2019: You are being scammed. This is not a marriage. I don’t know how many times we can advise that you leave him before you wake up to what’s going on.... (read in full...)

*ndie's Thoughts's friends

These are mutual friends, so *ndie's Thoughts has added them and they have added *ndie's Thoughts!

Abella agony auntAbella
N91 agony auntN91

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.156249899999239!