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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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I feel disrespected because we make plans and his son changes them
Q. Hello everyone I’m reaching out for help as I’m very frustrated. I’m 40 my boyfriend is 42 both divorced and has a kid, same age 12 years old. We have been in a relationship for a year and kids get along well and once in a while we plan for them to ...
A. 4 March 2020: I think you need to consider that two wildly different parenting styles will clash, not mix well. If this is how he chooses to raise his son, that’s fine, but if you two move in at some point, your children will not feel happy being treated so ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend called me a bigot. What do I do about it?
Q. My boyfriend and I got into a fight. He was doing repair work yesterday on a ceiling in a building where his card club operates out of. There were two other men working with him. All of them volunteered their time. I got angry because he didn't call ...
A. 3 March 2020: You are bigoted. Most gay gays, like most straight people, are not so promiscuous that they proposition any random person. You shouldn’t even know he isn’t gay, unless he has a partner that has been mentioned - his sexuality is none of your ... (read in full...)
My husband walked out on me after a fight and doesn't care that we don't have money or care about us
Q. I am feeling so hurt and my hear aches so much. My husband and I were good on Friday and later Friday night, he was out with his brother and sister drinking. He came home after 2am drunk and we had an argument... I told him it is best we go our ...
A. 3 March 2020: He needs counselling and possibly medication for his depression. Ignore your mother for now, just insist he gets help.... (read in full...)
My husband walked out on me after a fight and doesn't care that we don't have money or care about us
Q. I am feeling so hurt and my hear aches so much. My husband and I were good on Friday and later Friday night, he was out with his brother and sister drinking. He came home after 2am drunk and we had an argument... I told him it is best we go our ...
A. 2 March 2020: Look, I’m really sorry this has happened, but you TOLD him it was best to go your separate ways, so he has!
Ideally, you’d get into marriage counselling because it’s clear neither of you communicate well, especially if you don’t speak to each oth... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to help him through his heroin addiction I'm not sure that I want to
Q. I’ve been with my boyfriend for five months and we really love each other like I’ve neber before we only see each other the weekends as he lives 40 mins away and works nights but that’s changed this weekend he’s back on days and was supposed to be ...
A. 2 March 2020: The only thing I’d say is not to move in together while he’s in recovery. He will always be an addict, even if he’s not using, but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t have a great life together, once he’s better - providing he keeps getting help.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to help him through his heroin addiction I'm not sure that I want to
Q. I’ve been with my boyfriend for five months and we really love each other like I’ve neber before we only see each other the weekends as he lives 40 mins away and works nights but that’s changed this weekend he’s back on days and was supposed to be ...
A. 2 March 2020: You love him? Then stay, at least for now.
He’s had a rough life and bravely CONFESSED to you about his drug problem and depression. He’s asking for support while he gets help. If he gets help and commits to getting better, then why leave before h... (read in full...)
He says he will never marry me, which makes me think I am not good enough.
Q. Hey all been with my partner for a year I've moved in with him and it's going great he has 2 young children who he sees alot and we have a great time together. Hes been married twice and engaged once. I've been engaged twice and married once. We ...
A. 1 March 2020: Here is the question you need to ask yourself: Is being married more important to me than dating this man forever? Yes is absolutely okay. No is absolutely okay. Unfortunately, you can’t have it both ways. Some people just don’t want mar... (read in full...)
I feel disrespected because we make plans and his son changes them
Q. Hello everyone I’m reaching out for help as I’m very frustrated. I’m 40 my boyfriend is 42 both divorced and has a kid, same age 12 years old. We have been in a relationship for a year and kids get along well and once in a while we plan for them to ...
A. 1 March 2020: I agree wholeheartedly with Youcannotbeserious. These are *children*. You presumably have custody of yours and he presumably doesn’t. If that is right, of course his son comes first every time because he doesn’t get much time with his dad. Your... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't understand my stress over immigration
Q. Dear cupid i do not know how to make my husband of a year understand. we are in immigration process (i am from a diff country), and process is stressing me out since this will decide whether i can live here with him or cannot. He thinks i am over...
A. 27 February 2020: I’m sorry you’re in this situation. It may take the pressure of the interview for him to realise how important it is. Stop bothering him with it. Nagging him, whilst it is important and understandable, will only push him further away. Just make sure ... (read in full...)
He treats me like a queen, but has an appetite for other women, should I leave him ?
Q. Hello I'm 30 years old. Been with my bf for six years he's 32 years old. He's good to me, he's affectionate, loving, kind, considerate, charming etc. I just moved in with him in his parents home,I know what it sounds like, I was going through some ...
A. 27 February 2020: Yes you should. Regardless of ADHD, he hasn’t “grown up”. He’s still behaving like an 18 year old. You also probably shouldn’t be with someone you refer to as “the fucker” or who “has an appetite” for other women.
I do wonder a bit about your att... (read in full...)
Is anyone else 'Asexual'?
Q. I'm a 26 year old man and have never had a relationship or any kind of sexual experience, ever. In truth I haven't even tried to because to be blunt; I'm just not interested in it. Going through puberty I did feel like I wasn't like my peers. Whilst ...
A. 25 February 2020: Asexual = little to no sexual attraction to anyone
Aromantic = little to no romantic attraction/interest to anyone
Libido = level of desire for sex
Celibacy = choosing to not have sexual contact with anyone, regardless of sexuality ... (read in full...)
I was asked to be a Matron of Honour, but I can't really afford it.
Q. To cut a long story short, my friend got engaged 6 months ago and asked me to be her maid of honour but since then she’s asked me to go to one wedding fair (which I couldn’t go to due to my child being ill) yet her bridesmaid has been to several ...
A. 23 February 2020: Meet her for coffee, baby-free, and be gentle, but honest. Say you were honoured that she asked you and you can’t wait to attend her big day and see how amazing it will all be, but that you think she deserves someone who has more time and money to ... (read in full...)
I need answers and support.
Q. My last post here I got super judged on here and went into a depression. More then I already am. So please be kind. I m a 30 year old single mom of an amazing 4 year old. My child’s father and I were together (we never’ married) for 5 years and ...
A. 15 February 2020: OP, you have an abusive father if those things are true and I’m truly sorry for that. I have an abusive father I have to live with for the one being too. It is very hard to cope with.
HOWEVER, you were not judged here. You were advised to accept t... (read in full...)
How Do I Get My First Date Before I Turn 30?
Q. I am a overweight, not very handsome, not particularly smart or interesting, bald, geeky, awkward male virgin. I am very introverted to say the least. I've never even kissed a girl and I've never been on a date. When I get nervous, I stutter and my ...
A. 14 February 2020: Just to add, dating or not dating, sex or no sex is not what makes someone successful or a "loser". Your feelings are valid, but you need to remind yourself that learning to be happy single and happy within yourself is more likely to get you a date. ... (read in full...)
How Do I Get My First Date Before I Turn 30?
Q. I am a overweight, not very handsome, not particularly smart or interesting, bald, geeky, awkward male virgin. I am very introverted to say the least. I've never even kissed a girl and I've never been on a date. When I get nervous, I stutter and my ...
A. 12 February 2020: You have to revamp your look - both how you dress and take care of yourself, but mostly your outlook. If you insist on seeing yourself negatively, you’ll struggle because nobody will be interested in dating someone negative (often because they have ... (read in full...)
I don't like the boy my mom has me dating. How do I break up without hurting him?
Q. Dear Cupid, My mom has me and my best friend dating but I don't love him the same way he loves me. He's sending me money and stuff but I have feelings for another person and I'm clueless on what to do. How do I tell the boy i have feelings for i li...
A. 12 February 2020: I'll wait for more details too. The only thing I will say is that, after breaking up with someone or rejecting them, you should wait a month or so (particularly when you're young) before trying to confess feelings or date anyone else.... (read in full...)
Is my daughter's three way relationship doomed to fail?
Q. My daughter is in a ridiculous ‘relationship’ with a man and another girl. How can I get her to see sense and realise that it will never work in a million years? It’s been going on for about 7 months now, although up until last week I thought she ...
A. 8 February 2020: It’s only morally wrong by some standards. Polyamory isn’t new. It’s just as valid as any sexual preferences between consenting adults. Being gay is still considered morally wrong (and illegal) by some people! I get why you’re confused about i... (read in full...)
Are bad body odour and dirty clothes a deal breaker?
Q. i’ve been chatting with a guy on dating site. Built up a connection, exchanged phone numbers and have now talked on the phone a few times as well as chatting online.Decided to meet up in person as we have a lot in common and definitely a ...
A. 8 February 2020: It would be a deal breaker for me. I want someone to be relaxed on the day, including the hell they’re dressed, but that doesn’t mean dirty with shabby clothes. I would find a way to politely decline and respectfully give him the reason why. I ... (read in full...)
My father feels I betrayed him when I was a child.
Q. My father has been mad at me for years and will hardly even speak to me. He and mom were divorced when I was 7, my brother was 9, and my sister was 4. Mom is old school about certain things. When I was 10, I had stayed out past dark playing at a ...
A. 28 January 2020: He’s being childish by blaming you. However, if your child chose your ex-partner over you, then you’d probably feel betrayed too - even if you knew it wasn’t their fault.
Time to discuss it as adults and speak to a counsellor if he’s not receptiv... (read in full...)
He cried more over his old dog dying than he did over us splitting up.
Q. Hi I’ve just ended a 6 year relationship he preferred being at work and spending time with his dog than with me and his twin daughters who are 3 years old the problem is he is still living with me until he finds somewhere we split up 6 weeks ago I ...
A. 28 January 2020: That dog has presumably been in his life for most of those 12 years. It’s heartbreaking to lose an animal family member - often it hurts more than losing extended family. You don’t have to be jealous of the tears he cried over his dog.
As for him ... (read in full...)
I just need another person's perspective on boyfriend's attitude when we are gaming.
Q. Hello everybody. I would like peoples honest opinions on the way my partner sometimes speaks to me, as I feel he could be more tactful with his words sometimes. I will give one recent example from the other night. We were playing a two player g...
A. 28 January 2020: Gaming, like any sport, can bring out the best and worst in people competitively. I play Call of Duty with my dad and my brother. My dad and I are pretty laid back and mostly play to have fun, but my brother plays to win. This means he swears a lot, ... (read in full...)
Is there such a thing as "harmless flirting"?
Q. I don't have a girlfriend at the moment and I don't date older women. There is this attractive lady in her early 30s. I think she is about 7 or at most 10 years older than me. A few years ago when I first got to know her, I used to flirt wit...
A. 26 January 2020: Verbal flirting can be harmless if both involved (and their partners) feel it’s harmless and non-sexual. Touching is not harmless flirting.
Her reputation is more at stake than yours and you need to back off now. Definitely no more touching... (read in full...)
How can I stay positive, I know I will never be slim and trim.
Q. Can some people give me some ideas on how to stay positive . I suffer from a hormonal endocrine problem that Menander my body holds on to body fat . I’m medicated for it and see a specialist regularly but it will be with me for life . I follow a ...
A. 25 January 2020: For what it’s worth, the body positive movement is saying “be happy with your body”, not “eat unhealthily and don’t exercise”. It’s not telling people unhealthy is beautiful; it’s saying “don’t hate/dislike your body because it’s not slim”. Most of ... (read in full...)
Is it psychological ED?
Q. Hello, Not really sure where to start... I'm a relatively young male and I just entered my first relationship. I am a virgin. I've never done anything sexual, other than masturbate. My girlfriend is also a virgin. Very recently, my girlfriend a...
A. 24 January 2020: Definitely do NOT have sex without a condom. You can get condoms that allow for more feeling, but “no condom, NO sex!”
In terms of the erectile issues, I’d see a doctor about it. I know it can be daunting and possibly embarrassing, but ruling o... (read in full...)
What is the ideal male body type?
Q. I have been lifting weights for ten years and had a bodybuilder type of body. Most other males envied me. I assumed women found my type of physique attractive too. So I was surprised that my girlfriend didn't quite like the way I look and wanted me ...
A. 21 January 2020: You’re just vain and entitled. You’re no more Pierce Brosnan or Daniel Craig than you are a sumo wrestler. Stop it.
You also don’t speak for all men either, so don’t you dare tell women what men prefer! Women have enough insecurities without ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has a child already, but I'd like to have one of my own.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together about a year now. He's almost 25 I'm 23. Hes already got one child a beautiful little girl whos 1 and a half. But lately I find myself wanting one of my own more and more. One who can call me momma. Her mother ...
A. 20 January 2020: I’m close to your age and, in the nicest possible way, you need to wake up! STOP IT. You are not in the right place to have a child. You and your boyfriend are still new, young, no commitments, etc. Of course you’re not called Mum! You’re not ... (read in full...)
I've lost the desire for sex with my boyfriend.
Q. Me and my bf have been together for 5 years. I really do love him so much but in the last year I've felt little to no desire to sleep with him. I feel terrible but when it does happen it just doesn't feel exciting. Usually he is the only one that ...
A. 20 January 2020: You’re in a rut and if he’s moving back, then you don’t have enough time to fix the rut. Time to let him go and be single for a while before finding someone you’re compatible with again. Do NOT uproot your life to move with a man you’re not in love ... (read in full...)
I hired a PI who tells me my wife has been cheating on me.
Q. I recently found out that my wife has been having an affair for the past two years with a single male friend of ours who we had a drunken threesome with two years ago..that threesome which i initiated wasnt so fullfilling for me, since i had ...
A. 12 January 2020: I'm with Youcannotbeserious. This is why threesomes are such an awful idea. You initiated it, you suffered the consequences. Who knows how your wife felt when you wanted a threesome or how she feels now. Sufficed to say, it's a good thing you have ... (read in full...)
My wife will not take a bath.
Q. wife will not take a bath it has been a month now,I have said in past, time to take a bath, she says leave me alone. I am tired of it, no sex cause of this, she smells leave the room and the sink stays, what to do other then leave....
A. 12 January 2020: Very few people will just not have a wash, shower or bath for such a long time. Even most people with depression will have some form of wash/shower/bath once a week or fortnight, depending on how long it takes for them to consider themselves smelly ... (read in full...)
A commenter on facebook assumed I was being creepy.
Q. Hi ladies and gents, I am angry and a little bit sad/disappointed and I can't let it go. A friend on Facebook posted about the amount of layers they have to wear in this weather, going into great detail of the gloves, the t-shirt, walking soc...
A. 11 January 2020: Just block them, but also consider that most people consider it creepy to joke about someone’s underwear on a public platform - unless they mention it first. Take it as a lesson learned.... (read in full...)
I'm losing myself in the process of raising my child and feel completely trapped
Q. I am stuck in a rut and don't even know where to begin. I am 36 years old and have an advanced degree in computer science and engineering. I've been married 4 years and have a 3 year old. I am a full time stay at home mom, not my preferen...
A. 11 January 2020: Being a parent isn’t for everyone and, whilst you love your son, I’m not sure how you became pregnant - unless contraception failed? Also, pregnancy, giving birth and raising a child was completely down to you - so it should have been your choice, ... (read in full...)
I can't seem to get over that my partner cheated on me last year. How can l reconcile this and move forward with life?
Q. I found out my partner cheated when he was out of the country last year. But he continued to call me every evening, said the I love you's, and the I miss you's. He was still plugged into the relationship. I've struggled since to get over it. He has ...
A. 11 January 2020: Can you forgive and trust him? If not, that’s okay, but you can’t stay in a relationship with him.
Most cheaters cheat more than once. Most cheaters don’t trust their partners because they know what can be done (cheating - since they’re doing it... (read in full...)
My foster child refuses to attend school.
Q. I have a 10 year old foster child who refuses to got school. I work in the day and cannot leave the child home alone. The foster care agency I am with allows youths to refuse school at any age. I don’t want to give her back she’s a sweet c...
A. 9 January 2020: Yeah, no reputable foster agency would leave you in this situation. If you weren’t capable of looking after your foster child and getting them to school or at least the doctor/counsellor, they’d take the child back to give them the help they need. ... (read in full...)
I'm a single mother unhappy at having to live with my parents.
Q. I’m in desperate need of help, I’ve been with my baby daddy for 5 years. On and off he’s put me through a lot We have been through so many things. The reason why I keep getting back with him is because I wanted to give our 3 year old son the best ...
A. 9 January 2020: It is not best for your child to have their parents together if they aren’t actually compatible. Breaking up and getting back together repeatedly is worse for your child than just staying broken up.
Stay with your parents and get a job. Save up.... (read in full...)
I'm uncomfortable with the thought of my boyfriend having lap dances with naked girls.
Q. My bf of 5 years recently went on a stag do and went to a strip club. I didn't have a problem with this as he was open about it and stayed in touch whilst away. We have a strong relationship and I trust him due to the honesty. However on a recent ...
A. 9 January 2020: Just explain why lap dances cross your boundaries. Ask him how he’d feel if you had a lap dance from men at a strip club. This is something you both need to be on the same page with. Tell him you appreciate his honesty and you’re fine with him going ... (read in full...)
Why would a 45 year old man post topless pictures of himself?
Q. Hello- My boyfriend of a year is 45 and I’m 41. He is a nice guy very smart professional and caring. He has been dealing with depression for some times now and I have tried to be helpful. He goes to these lost phases and goes quiet . I know he ...
A. 9 January 2020: Just because you don’t like topless photos doesn’t mean he shouldn’t take or post any. Lots of people post them when they’re on holiday OR when they are a photographer.
YOU created an account to check up on him. YOU don’t trust him. He hasn’t d... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a woman calls a man "doll"
Q. Can someone help me understand the meaning of the world "doll"? I am not a native English speaker. My grammar is good but I have trouble understanding some slang. Maybe someone here can help me. When I was backpacking in Australia not long ago, I ...
A. 8 January 2020: It’s just a term of endearment for strangers or friends, like “darling”, “dear”, “friend”, etc. It doesn’t mean gay, dumb or anything negative. It’s strange that you’re so hung up on it. Just let it go now :)... (read in full...)
Is my wife developing a violent streak?
Q. My wife threw a glass at my head during a petty argument. I’ve never known her to have a violent streak in her before. Should I be worried? On Saturday I was stripping the kitchen ceiling ready for it to be redecorated in a few weeks and when m...
A. 7 January 2020: I wonder if you usually wind her up? However, you should be worried that she threw a glass at you.
Get marriage counselling, so that you can work out what triggered her and whether it's likely to happen again. If it does happen again, it's an ... (read in full...)
I like to sleep naked. Is there any concerns I should have?
Q. I enjoy sleeping completely naked. Is there any concerns I should have? I keep my bedroom window covered up and I know not to near my front windows without putting clothes on. So there is no chances of my neighbors accidentally seeing me naked....
A. 7 January 2020: I'm surprised that, with all of the privacy you've said you have, you'd even feel the need to ask us. It's strange. Do whatever you want to do - if your sheets are clean, there's no problem.... (read in full...)
My family knows of my affair and my lover has distanced herself but I don't think I can return to my sexless marriage
Q. I'm in my 40s. Been with my partner for 20 years and married for 17. We have a 15 year old daughter. My wife hasn't wanted a physical relationship with me for a long time. It's been around 10 years since we had sex. She has made comments in the ...
A. 6 January 2020: Think of your daughter for a minute. What’s best for her?
You cheating on her mother is not it. You and her mother staying in an unhappy marriage isn’t it. You running off to be with someone else straight away isn’t it.
Get a divorce and do i... (read in full...)
How do I stop feeling like I'm not good enough?
Q. I need advice on how to stop or control the feeling of not feeling good enough. I’ve been with my partner for 5 years and I’ve always felt this way, I feel like it’s a bad trait to have but I can’t help but feel this way. My partners friend ...
A. 5 January 2020: See a doctor to check your hormones and help you process your feelings. Then find someone trustworthy to babysit once a month for date night with your partner.
My neighbours pay me to babysit 1 - 3 times a month because they started having m... (read in full...)
Wanting to explore my sexuality
Q. Thank you for taking time to read and advise me. I am 42, unhappily married (he has PTSD w/depression and has cheated on and off). Plus I have a special needs toddler who comes first in my life. 2019, I started to make changes to produ...
A. 5 January 2020: I’m going to give you my thoughts as I read through:
Why are you with your husband? He won’t change without serious individual therapy for his PTSD and delusions.
Showing you care isn’t about buying things; weight benches, smart watches, e... (read in full...)
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