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*ndie's Thoughts agony aunt

*ndie's Thoughts

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*ndie's Thoughts's profile:

I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)

Karma does happen:

My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy.

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Older man wont leave his girlfriend for me.

Q.   I started an emotional and physical affair with a man I work with around this time last year. He started seeing someone about 3/4 months before me and him started talking. He's 15 years older than me,I'm 32 he's 47. We connected on a level I never ...

A.   12 January 2019: Either find a new job or stop contacting him for work. If you “can’t” stop contacting him for work, find a new job. If you don’t, you’ll cave in and waste your life.... (read in full...)

Why do I always want the people I shouldn't?

Q.   I've realized lately that the only time I've ever felt really crazy about someone, it was because I was not allowed to have them. To give an example, it started with an ex-boyfriend. After we broke up we still saw each other a few times a year, even ...

A.   12 January 2019: Some people do feel this way, but you won't deal with it well on your own; you need therapy to establish why you can't commit without a desire to cheat and why you don't care about other people's feelings (the boyfriend, the ex's girlfriend, etc.) ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's 12 year old doesn't like me and boyfriend will not step in and do anything

Q.   Hi I’m in a bit of a dilemma and seriously need some advice. I’ve been with my bf now for 7 months. We both love each other And have spoken frequently about marriage and living together. However here is my problem. I have met and get on ver...

A.   12 January 2019: I think your attitude won't help you. Do you know what it's like to be 8, have your parents separate, then Dad has a new girlfriend when you're 12 and they're already talking about moving in and getting married? YOU ARE NEW. He is SCARED of what y... (read in full...)

My boyfriend won’t stop lying to me

Q.   Hi I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 7 months. He just turned 19 and he goes to college 5 hours away. This isn’t a problem we started dating Way before he started college and he didn’t plan on picking a school that far away but we make it ...

A.   11 January 2019: Find someone closer in age and distance who won’t lie to you. You’ll think you’re mature enough, but you’re not and that’s how it should be. He’s at a different stage of his life to you and he’s lying to spare your feelings, when he just needs to be ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend tries to have anal sex without my permission. Does he not respect me?

Q.   I am 64 female,boyfriend is 60,seeing each other for 6 weeks now and have had amazing sex,he is much more sexually experienced and into porn very much. He tried to enter me analy without asking me and I jumped back because it really hurt,told him ...

A.   10 January 2019: Get rid. He's borderline raping you already because you've told him you don't consent to it. Stop having sex with him because you will get hurt and regret it. Find a man who will respect you and your very valid boundaries - this guy doesn't and ... (read in full...)

Will I ever get the chance to massage her all over?

Q.   Hi, on the question of massages, I have a friend who will let me massage her back, neck, etc and feet, but not butt. She has also allowed me to see her topless, but she doesn’t fancy me and we also cuddle in bed a bit when she sleeps over. She ...

A.   8 January 2019: Look, she doesn't see you sexually. You're a platonic companion that blurs the lines a little, but her boundaries are CLEAR. NO sexual activity. If you keep wanting more, find someone else. You're not compatible! I don't know why you keep this going ... (read in full...)

We got into a fight and now my friend no longer wants to be friends

Q.   Recently i got into a row with one of my best friend. We have known each other for 9 months now and we used to be very close. We have had lots of fights and now she gets irritated on small small things. If i ask her to come out to meet, she ignores. ...

A.   8 January 2019: MOVE ON. You're not meant to be friends. It's clear.... (read in full...)

Has my husband lost interest in me sexually?

Q.   Hello!! Me and my husband have dated for 3 years and we just got married last summer. I love him so much and he loves me the same. But there was things of been bothering me....:( We used to have very active for sex when we started dating. And i...

A.   7 January 2019: There are two issues here: • Once or twice per week is still a good amount of sex. You're insecure about the type of porn he watches, so you need to work on that. • He definitely seems addicted to porn. Discuss it with him calmly and ask h... (read in full...)

We got into a fight and now my friend no longer wants to be friends

Q.   Recently i got into a row with one of my best friend. We have known each other for 9 months now and we used to be very close. We have had lots of fights and now she gets irritated on small small things. If i ask her to come out to meet, she ignores. ...

A.   7 January 2019: OP, it's a load of rubbish. Friends don't argue so much - especially not after only 9 months of knowing each other. You're not compatible as friends. Dial it down. You can be friends without needing to make it to best friends status. You've c... (read in full...)

Should I delay IVF-treamtment, in order to get married in my dream dress?

Q.   My boyfriend and I are engaged to be married in 6 months. We have been trying for a baby for close to 2 years now. Last year, we underwent a fertility check as we didn't manage to get pregnant. Turns out he's got low sperm quality and I have ...

A.   7 January 2019: Thank you for your update! Stress will do you no good for the wedding or conceiving (affecting both your body and his) and it's awfully stressful to keep trying with no luck, so I think it would be best to wait until after the honeymoon (if you're ... (read in full...)

Older man wont leave his girlfriend for me.

Q.   I started an emotional and physical affair with a man I work with around this time last year. He started seeing someone about 3/4 months before me and him started talking. He's 15 years older than me,I'm 32 he's 47. We connected on a level I never ...

A.   7 January 2019: Why invite him over? He's a cheater - he deserves a text, not a phone call or a visit, where he can try to manipulate you into staying by crying. You are an ego boost. You are a sex object. You are a bit on the side. To someone else, you will be ... (read in full...)

How do I get in touch with him?

Q.   Hello everyone reading; On Wensday (02/01), I had to get my hair braided at my hair dressers house. While I was there, the was his gentleman who came to the living room (Where my hair was being braided). He stood next to me trying to take someth...

A.   7 January 2019: Either wait or ask the sister about the church. You could easily genuinely ask about the church. That said, what "wrong idea" are you concerned about giving them? You think he likes you and you like him - isn't that the "wrong idea"? Do you want... (read in full...)

Should I delay IVF-treamtment, in order to get married in my dream dress?

Q.   My boyfriend and I are engaged to be married in 6 months. We have been trying for a baby for close to 2 years now. Last year, we underwent a fertility check as we didn't manage to get pregnant. Turns out he's got low sperm quality and I have ...

A.   7 January 2019: I'm sorry for your TTC trouble, but congratulations on your upcoming wedding! As married life and a new job are such big adjustments, I agree with Honeypie that those should probably be your priorities. The dress is a minor thing in comparison, a... (read in full...)

Why did she cheat in this way?

Q.   Hi everyone! So I recently just got out of a yearlong distance relationship with another woman. I was half her age and was the older one in the relationship and she was also the “man” as well. She lives in another country and even has a fiancé of ...

A.   6 January 2019: You’re not really acting like a mature 30 - 35 year old. You were with someone. They weren’t single. You broke up. You’re hurting. Gradually move on. Don’t get bitchy or immature in return.... (read in full...)

We got into a fight and now my friend no longer wants to be friends

Q.   Recently i got into a row with one of my best friend. We have known each other for 9 months now and we used to be very close. We have had lots of fights and now she gets irritated on small small things. If i ask her to come out to meet, she ignores. ...

A.   5 January 2019: 9 months of fights isn’t a best friend situation. Let her go and move on.... (read in full...)

I'm a stay at home mom with 3 kids and feel all the parental duties have become one sided

Q.   I've been in a relationship with this man for going on 5 yrs. In that time, we've had 3 children. Our 2 oldest, he was a great father. After our youngest was born this past yr our parental duties have seem to become a lot more one-sided. I ...

A.   5 January 2019: Day care once a week and start a group hobby or job. Being a stay at home parent often means the partner contributes the paid job and you cover almost all of the parenting. It’s hard work, but that’s why day care once or twice per week can be worth ... (read in full...)

Why did she cheat in this way?

Q.   Hi everyone! So I recently just got out of a yearlong distance relationship with another woman. I was half her age and was the older one in the relationship and she was also the “man” as well. She lives in another country and even has a fiancé of ...

A.   5 January 2019: You were having an affair, not a relationship. It really hurts, but you chose it. You’ve learnt your lesson and will hopefully start to heal soon. Please get therapy to help you with your feelings about your divorce because getting into an affair is ... (read in full...)

I would like to grow this new friendship by meeting outside of that one activity, but I’m worried she will think I am trying to put the moves on her

Q.   I was in a long distance relationship for about half a year. In that time, I felt lonely so I signed up for some things that interest me. During one of those things, I made a female friend who is also in a long distance relationship. Since then, we ...

A.   4 January 2019: It has to be a group setting or it is sort of asking her out - especially for drinks, which is a date thing. Ask more than just her to go or find another way to make friends.... (read in full...)

I had unprotected sex with a friend and now I am worried

Q.   I had unprotected sex with a friend . I don’t know what I was thinking but I’m so worried now. I thought he had a condom but I got carried away when he said he doesn’t . I had to ask him after a couple of days and he said he doesn’t have any...

A.   3 January 2019: Never have sex without protection. You could be pregnant, even on birth control ,so check for that too. Also, you need to carry your own condoms because then you know it hasn't been tampered with. Steps: 1) Pregnancy tests x 3 2) STD test... (read in full...)

A stranger offered herself to me to help me lose my virginity. Do I accept?

Q.   I will be 20 very soon and am still a virgin. I have tried to date probably more than a hundred women and have always been rejected. I have contemplated visiting an escort but don't want to lose my dignity doing so. Out of a whim I posted an ad o...

A.   3 January 2019: Oh come on.... 100 women by 20? Ridiculous. There is no way you have put in effort to try to date 100 women. If you have, DESPERATION is why you're being rejected. Don't do it. You need social skills, not sexual ones. No use for sexual skills if... (read in full...)

My brother is too touchy-feely with his girlfriend in public and it's embarrassing!

Q.   Would you say anything in this situation or stay out of it. My younger brother is 25 he is dating a really nice girl who just turned 20. He is a good kid, never been in trouble before. It’s very plan to see that he is head over heels in love wi...

A.   2 January 2019: Yeah, you tell him. Kissing is fine, a hand on her butt is fine in a club, but I hand up her skirt in public is 100% a major no-no. It might just be her age and inexperience meaning she’s not confident enough to tell him not in public or it might ... (read in full...)

Should I ask an 18 year old out or is she too young for me?

Q.   I’m a single mum with a toddler and after over two years of being single i decided last week to put myself back out there. I’m bisexual and while on a dating site I started talking to a girl who I like. My problem is that I’m nervous about getting ...

A.   1 January 2019: Different life stages. You need someone who has potential for a future sometime soon, but she’s only just beginning adulthood and should be able to explore life freely while she’s young. I think it would be best to be friends, not date her. She’s ... (read in full...)

I'm sick of him screaming at me night and day. Should I leave? What if I don't find anyone else?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend since I was 18, I'm now 26 and we've lived together for 3 years. In truth I feel like he is my 'comfort blanket' - I feel safe around him, he makes good decisions etc. And looks after me, I feel safe having him there, And ...

A.   1 January 2019: You are never too old to travel, but you will waste time if you’re not happy. Forget being married by 30; it’s not important. If he can’t see this issue, he can’t change it and you won’t be happy.... (read in full...)

My girlfriend went behind my back and told my parents about our future plans. Am I right to be hurt?

Q.   Hi everyone I've been with my girlfriend for a little over 2 years, the majority of this has been long distance (10 hour flight). We've been trying to find ways to close the distance and one way is to get married so i can sponsor her. I felt ...

A.   1 January 2019: You aren’t ready to get married. Simple as that. It’s a lot to commit to. Tell her you’re not ready. Don’t go along with it just because she is ready to. It’s not right to cave because it leads her on, just like it’s not right for her to tell your ... (read in full...)

Should I take note of our horoscopes? The Chinese one says we are incompatible!

Q.   This probably seems silly but I have been reading Chinese horoscopes and compatability with my boyfriend and they say we are not suited. It says his soul mate Chinese animal was a horse and his ex wife was one, yet my animal is the least compatible ...

A.   31 December 2018: Horoscopes are good for a laugh, not for life advice. Think about how many people there are on the planet. Do you really think horoscopes are accurate? It's by chance that things are sometimes correct. If you want to believe it, you will find a way ... (read in full...)

My husband is abusive and I wonder what I'm doing wrong to provoke him

Q.   Hello, I have been married to my husband for 5 years. We have been together for 12 years. We have a 11 year old together. I so have 3 older kids. But he normally only tells people he has one child. He has always had a temper but it has gotten worse. ...

A.   31 December 2018: He does only have one child. Most guys who become stepdads would say they have four, in your situation, but he's not like that. It's hurtful to your other kids, if they care and see him as a father figure. Him getting fast food isn't an issue, b... (read in full...)

Is his reaction to these comments a red flag?

Q.   Hey guys! Hope everyone is well :) I recently entered into a new relationship. We've been "dating" for the last 2 months, and official for the last month. We have also already entered the "I Love You" phase. Everything moved very quickly, bu...

A.   30 December 2018: I think it’s nice that he’s saying that - he’s trying to build you up and seems to be truthful that he feels that way about you. I’d like a boyfriend to say things like that if people were saying mean things to me. That said, maybe it’s too soon for ... (read in full...)

Does he like me more than a FWB?

Q.   2 Months ago, a man and I arranged to "Hook up" after matching on Tinder, things went well. Afterwards, I carried on as usual, assuming It was just a "One night stand". 2 weeks after our "Hook up" He had asked me to become his Friends With ...

A.   30 December 2018: Ask. You could still be friends *with benefits*, rather than the casual hook up you expected. Either way, you need to be on the same page, so you need to ask before any more sex.... (read in full...)

Accused of being antisocial for turning down a guy?

Q.   My dad loves to accuse me of being anti social and saying "that's why you have no friends". We were at a friends place and there is a single guy there who I see a couple times a year. We aren't friends (acquaintances) and we do not share interests. ...

A.   30 December 2018: I get that they’re concerned if you’re social circle is mostly just your boyfriend, but I also agree with why you said no to going alone to a concert with a friend you’re not that well-matched with. Maybe start arranging things once or twice per ... (read in full...)

I know I deserve better, so why am I so sad?

Q.   I'm angry and sad. 5 days before I'm supposed to move into an apartment with my boyfriend he gets cold feet and tells me he doesn't think it's a good idea and says he wants to end the relationship. He confesses to me that he couldn't be hims...

A.   30 December 2018: Unfortunately, our feelings don’t automatically fade because of incompatibility. It’s okay to miss him and be upset about it. I think you dodged a bullet because 8 months is usually a bit too soon to move in anyway, as you’re still pretty new to ... (read in full...)

How can I ask my family to back off from my pregnant girlfriend?

Q.   I’ve been dating my gf for 6 months. My family met her for the first time over the holidays and they weren’t very welcoming. When we met she had just found out she was pregnant. She also has a two year daughter. She left her ex because he was chea...

A.   29 December 2018: You are a new boyfriend, OP. Almost every relationship seems amazing at 6 - 18 months. You are NOT her partner; you are DATING and decided to move in. If her kids go without, it’s HER duty to deal with it. If YOU do it, she can’t cope without being ... (read in full...)

How can I ask my family to back off from my pregnant girlfriend?

Q.   I’ve been dating my gf for 6 months. My family met her for the first time over the holidays and they weren’t very welcoming. When we met she had just found out she was pregnant. She also has a two year daughter. She left her ex because he was chea...

A.   29 December 2018: Don't take on supporting her kids until you've been together for a few years. She needs to be responsible for herself and them, while you split the house bills. You're not their dad and it would be silly to act like it when you're still so new on ... (read in full...)

Older man wont leave his girlfriend for me.

Q.   I started an emotional and physical affair with a man I work with around this time last year. He started seeing someone about 3/4 months before me and him started talking. He's 15 years older than me,I'm 32 he's 47. We connected on a level I never ...

A.   28 December 2018: You’ve been gullible and lied to. Don’t “date” married people. It’s as old as time and there are plenty of examples on here. I’m sorry, OP, but it’s the very high risk you take when you get into an affair.... (read in full...)

How can I ask my family to back off from my pregnant girlfriend?

Q.   I’ve been dating my gf for 6 months. My family met her for the first time over the holidays and they weren’t very welcoming. When we met she had just found out she was pregnant. She also has a two year daughter. She left her ex because he was chea...

A.   28 December 2018: Be upfront with your plans. Get it out the way. They’ll either accept it over time or they won’t. You’re still young, so it’s a lot to take on with someone you barely know, but it’s up to you - it just means you need to accept their reaction more ... (read in full...)

My ex saw my hairy nipples! Is that enough to end years of great sex?

Q.   The other night I ran into my ex while drunk and went home with him. It was spontaneous and so I didn’t have time to “prepare” myself for him.. I didn’t sleep with him that night (although he tried, persistently) but everything seemed as it was...

A.   27 December 2018: Um.... you’re not in it for the sex. You said it felt like when you were in love, but he’s not any more and you are. Forget it and move on before you get hurt. There’s no relationship left. I’m sorry it’s blunt, but it’s true :/... (read in full...)

We had a fight my children's present are at my boyfriend's house and he won't let me get them

Q.   My boyfriend ruins every Christmas and I don't know what to do. We went last minute shopping today which was his idea. In a supermarket he said he needed the toilet so I decided to cash in a scratch card while I was waiting. The till is right by...

A.   24 December 2018: Why are you with him? What’s the point? Take a friend to get the presents. If he refuses, call the police (non-emergency number). Then break up.... (read in full...)

My friend has gotten himself involved with a bad girl and I want to help him but unsure what to do

Q.   I'm worried about a guy friend as he's got himself involved with a girl who is bad news. Hes started distancing himself from everyone who's warning him and is distancing himself from close friends She's a complete bitch sorry to say - take a mon...

A.   24 December 2018: Guy friend or girl friend, your all adults. He will do what he wants and you can either be there if it goes wrong or not be there. Either way, drop it or you’ll find yourself kicked out of his life before her.... (read in full...)

He wants to spend the rest of his life with me but without marriage.

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. We have a child together. We are both divorced. We both have children from the marriages. We are in a serous relationship. He has talked about us getting a home together. He has said more than ...

A.   23 December 2018: To be honest, this is about your child. Your children from other relationships had that security, even if you got divorced - this child won't. I am curious why you'd have a baby together so soon, though - seems a bit irresponsible, to be honest. ... (read in full...)

My friend has been asking why she can't get a partner. Should I tell her what I think?

Q.   Hello Aunts and Uncles! My friend recently started asking me seriously (up until now it was purely rhetorical) why she can't find a partner. Should I tell her what I think? It's just an opinion, I'm not a shrink. I'm afraid that she migh...

A.   23 December 2018: If she asks for your opinion, be honest, but sensitive about it. Don’t talk about her flaws, just say something like “it may be worth giving single guys a chance who aren’t as wealthy and you might find a loyal partner who mutually likes you”. Don’t ... (read in full...)

Is it possible to be a semi-reclusive artist and still contribute something of value to the local town? Please share similar experiences!

Q.   Has anyone here got any experience of settling in a new country where you don't speak the language and are not sure how to fit in? I am thinking of buying a 2nd home - which I will spend about 6 months of the year in. I know that sounds extravaga...

A.   22 December 2018: All I can suggest is to visit for a holiday after contacting some British ex-pats around the area to see them and ask how they’ve adjusted.... (read in full...)

I do not want my kids to inherit my partner's health problems!

Q.   I am in a moral dilemma. My partner has some health conditions such as endometriosis, which means she has a harder time falling pregnant with a chance of not falling pregnant at all. She has other minor health conditions which after thinking about ...

A.   21 December 2018: Unless there’s an incredibly high chance of passing it on, which there isn’t, this is worrying for no reason. I have it, but nobody else in my family does. What they did pass down? The need for glasses and also arthritis. Arthritis has been hitting ... (read in full...)

I have a crush, should I add him on Facebook?

Q.   Hello, I'm starting to have a crush on a guy I met a few months ago. I felt a strong connection when I met him and during a few other times I saw him. Although, I barely spoke to him much. I just like being around him. I recently felt a strong gu...

A.   20 December 2018: You want to connect with a guy you have a crush on? Sure, go for it! Oh, wait.... YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND. Stop being silly. You’d hate it if your boyfriend was “connecting” with a girl he has a crush on.... (read in full...)

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