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"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." ~ Sam Keen

When it comes down to the fundamentals of human behaviour, we all crave the very same thing, to be loved and to be accepted for who we are. So in theory, love would seem to be a most natural and effortless process. However, love, albeit amazing, still requires effort, dedication and sometimes facing up to certain truths about ourselves and our partners. I've learnt that being alone doesn't mean being lonely and being in a relationship doesn't harbour you from loneliness. I'd sooner be 'alone', where I could still embrace happiness and tranquilly than be in an unhealthy relationship that sets off my inner-turmoil; for it is far harder to escape than it is to seek.

Like everyone else, I'm navigating in the dark. But I'm learning as I go. I've learnt that a great deal of being in a marriage entails trying to combine two individual lives and getting them to harmoniously synchronize; all the while trying to balance your partner's needs as well as your own. Undoubtedly you can expect the odd ego-spat but if handled effectively it can serve to strengthen your relationship and give you a deeper understanding and insight of your partner (and sometimes even yourself).

At one time or another, we find we are all forced to endure the trials and tribulations of living within the couple-combining ampersand. And sometimes you find yourself without it, but that is the golden-opportunity in which to find yourself...

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You would never know

This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

15 October 2010: Where would we be without human kindness. Sometimes we become captive to our daily routines and schedules and perhaps fail to notice the power of our actions or interactions and the effect they may have on those we come into contact with. ...

1234567891011Next > [14 pages, 537 answers]

Do natural contraception monitors work?

Q.   Hi This isnt a relationship question as such... more of a sex and practical question. I do not get on well with hormonal contraceptives. They do horrid things to me, and I stopped taking them. My boyfriend uses condoms, but it would be nice to...

A.   16 March 2012: In the beginning I was a little nervous but not anymore since I've begun to see the same fertility patterns - I have around 11 or so fertile days (including yellows). On the red/yellow days we always use condoms or simply refrain altogether and just ... (read in full...)

Do natural contraception monitors work?

Q.   Hi This isnt a relationship question as such... more of a sex and practical question. I do not get on well with hormonal contraceptives. They do horrid things to me, and I stopped taking them. My boyfriend uses condoms, but it would be nice to...

A.   15 March 2012: I have the Lady-Comp; it has an accuracy of 98% (same as the pill). I've had mine for 8 months now and love it. It's simple to read, with red (fertile), yellow (unsure) and green (safe) lights. Downside is it's pretty pricy, mine was $500...BUT well ... (read in full...)

Is it okay to not always talk when you are with people? When is it awkward?

Q.   Silence, between good friends, family, aquaintances, at work, partner its ok sometimes. You can sit and enjoy where you are not feel the pressure to always talk, is that OK? is it ok to sit and not talk sometimes? Is it weird not to always talk whe...

A.   10 March 2012: I think it's perfectly normal, even healthy to be able to sit in silence with those you are close to. As far as acquaintances/strangers go, some might take it the wrong way or find it uncomfortable. You can usually tell someone is uncomfortable with ... (read in full...)

I broke up with b/f because he won't let me go out with him and his friends

Q.   okay my boyfriend and i have been dating 16 months we have a 7 month old baby. the whole time we have been together i have only gotten to hang out with his friends a total of 7 times. everytime i ask him if i can go with him he says no because ...

A.   8 March 2012: I don't think it was a good reason, for the fact it's a minor issue and it's something that can be resolved; after all you have a child together so you need to work through things for his/her sake too. If this is an otherwise healthy, resp... (read in full...)

My boyfriend forgot my birthday?

Q.   I waited to see if he would remember, and when he didnt I sent him a text at the end of the day saying the days date. I was expecting him to say sorry and then try to make it up to me in some way. Instead, he sent me a message which was comp...

A.   8 March 2012: Firstly I think you need to find out what's wrong and if he's okay. Perhaps he was having one of those days and the distraction of it caused him to forget your birthday. I'm sure he would have given you a regular apology if it had been a regular ... (read in full...)

I am smart, not pretty & a nerd, what can I do to belong and bot be laughed at?

Q.   Hey so it's not really relationship but please I need you guys: I'm in my third year of senior school and I am an A* student. I have a passion for art; I work hard in class and I'm on the top 21 list of students in my year and the Gifted and Talen...

A.   8 March 2012: I have a hard time believing you're ugly, you just need to find your unique beauty. I know exactly what you're going through and let me tell you, in the end you'll come out laughing (with your head still held high) - so for now let them have their ... (read in full...)

Should I take the risk and go to meet this man about a job? Parents told me not to go because it sounds dodgy

Q.   A man called me about a cleaning job last week, but i missed the call, and when i called back, he said he had given the job to another lady, but he said he would call me if it didn't work out with her. I got a phone call from him again today, saying ...

A.   8 March 2012: I'm with your parents, it all seems way too strange. There's just too many red-flags. Simply phone this man up and thank him for his time and considering you, but you have another job lined up - you don't owe him any further explanation. Once you ... (read in full...)

What is stronger, love or hate?

Q.   Hi, I am wondering about a philosophical question, but one that has great impact on me personally. I am wondering, what is stronger, love or hate? I wonder about this because I have felt hate for a woman that has been very strong. She used m...

A.   7 March 2012: I believe love to be one of the purest emotions. I once read something that went along the lines of there only being two pure human emotions; love & fear. In some ways that makes sense to me... Love is simply in existence, perhaps the very firs... (read in full...)

My mum's boyfriend tried to kiss me and feel me up!

Q.   My mum's bf who she been with for years tried to kiss me and feel me up. He said it was q mistake and never meant it and said to forget about it. I dont know what to if I tell her it will break her heart and I dont want her to hate me but I dont ...

A.   7 March 2012: Your Mum won't hate you, you've done nothing wrong - after all she's your Mother. I think you need to tell her, if he has tried it on with you, who's to say he hasn't tried it on with others? Or if he thinks he has gotten away with it, he might ... (read in full...)

Just a few questions about love and loss....

Q.   hi all, Got a few questions to ask all.. 1) how to let go of hatred and sorrow to a person that you once loved deeply?(especially for a no life, no social activities,not much friends, no confidence, no self esteem, feel humiliated when fac...

A.   7 March 2012: You need to make the conscious effort to move through the hate and sorrow - of course it gets easier with time. Perhaps you don't hate her, but more so hate what she did to you and how she treated you. We all seek closure in different ways whether ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend helps himself to the food in my home and I don't like it!

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for six months. I see him at weekends and he stays at my house. When we go out he pays for meals. I am also generous. However, he gets up in the night or early morning and helps himself to food in my house. This really ...

A.   7 March 2012: OP, you're probably right he may not be the right guy for you. Perhaps the food or showers aren't the issue but it's his 'neediness' instead. When you really love someone you want to share everything with them and make sure they have all their needs ... (read in full...)

Am I allowed to buy myself a sex toy?

Q.   Am I allowed to buy a sex toy? I'm in a relationship with a man who has suffered with extreme premature ejaculation for the past two years. He has given up trying to do anything about it even though when he was on medication it was starting to ...

A.   6 March 2012: You certainly don't need to ask his permission but I do think a certain level of sensitivity should be used - I only say this because I think sex-toys are to some men, as porn is to some woman...it can create resentment or further insecurities. ... (read in full...)

I graduated with a degree for a career I don't really want and my boyfriend is mad at me for it!

Q.   I graduated six months ago with a BS in Human Service and MS in Nonprofit Management. I regret every single bit of it because it put me in some debt and its not really what I want to do anymore I don't feel there is any money in the field and or ...

A.   6 March 2012: Your boyfriend has no right to be mad at you, you did what you felt was right at the time; if anything he should be supporting you. I amounted some pretty heavy student loans, I had intended to go into the health-care field. There was work, it paid ... (read in full...)

Am I never going to be good enough for this guy?

Q.   I need help - especially from guys! My boyfriend is 40, and I am in my early 30s. He also suffers a lot with anxiety (both social and sexual). We have been living together for 3 years. We get along great, and we rarely argue. We have a lot ...

A.   6 March 2012: As you stated he tried to breakup your relationship - you have been living together for 3 years now, so he obviously knows you pretty well, therefore he knows your vulnerabilities/insecurities, so he knows exactly where to aim in order to hurt you. ... (read in full...)

I don't like having to play the role of Drill Sargeant!

Q.   Okay, my girl and I have been together for almost 2 years. (im 26 shes 21) The relationship is good except that we argue about her taking initiative of her life...she has narcolepsy and I've read up on it, I understand its a disease thats beyond ...

A.   6 March 2012: I really sympathize with your situation and I also feel for your gf. Obviously I'm not making excuses for her, she needs to get her act together but I can somewhat relate to her. Firstly, I don't think you're being too hard on her, she needs to ... (read in full...)

Should I still be sleeping with my ex?

Q.   My ex boyfriend and I broke up two months ago, but were still good friends. We hang out regularly and its not awkward at all. He will call me up just to chat, surprise me with dinner and ice cream and even bought me chocolates the other day. We s...

A.   22 February 2012: Sad to say the relationship (dating-wise) is over, so you sleeping with him won't influence anything or help change his mind - he's obviously looking to date again, therefore it suggests he has moved on. Although it sounds as though sleeping with ... (read in full...)

5 months dating is too early to say I love you, isn't it?

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 months now, and saturday night he told me he loved me, I didnt respond and he went quiet but then we said nothing about it since. The thing is I have thought that I am falling in love with him, I do h...

A.   22 February 2012: I honestly don't think so. My husband told me he loved me after 4 months...but it just felt so right. You need to decide if you love him or if you're just a little scared to admit your feelings and make yourself vulnerable (which is perfectly ... (read in full...)

Oral sex saved for a special occasion?

Q.   My boyfriend has been asking me to give him oral sex for a little while, and I finally brought up the courage to do it for him the other day. It was spontaneous and romantic and everything I imagined it to be. Since then, He has asked me a coupl...

A.   22 February 2012: In my opinion, oral is something to be enjoyed - not saved for special occasions. To me it's comparable to saving the best dish-ware for company...life's too short! I've been with my husband for near 5 years and I can tell you from experience, oral ... (read in full...)

Have I done the right thing by starting to cut my friend out of my life?

Q.   I have recently fallen out with a friend. We have been friends for years and lived together, but she has changed dramatically to an individual overwhelmed by stress and anxiety. I feel sorry for her, and have offered support and encouragment...

A.   22 February 2012: Like any other relationship, friendship has its limits. You sounded to be very supportive, encouraging and patient (all the qualities of a good friend) BUT you cannot help someone who chooses not to help themselves. I was in the same situ... (read in full...)

Is it appropriate for a man to ask a woman if she is bowlegged while at work when it is in plain view?

Q.   My lady and myself are engaged in a heated battle so I left and found this site while trying to remain cool. I love my lady but at times she acts as though she doesn't have a clue. My lady is bowlegged and it is very noticeable. Is it appropri...

A.   22 February 2012: Your girlfriend's co-worker was inappropriate, BUT she handled the situation appropriately. Do not blame her for his bad/unprofessional behavior. She cannot ignore or stop talking to him (they work together), it would only make the situation wors... (read in full...)

I'm getting tired of defending myself against boyfriend's thoughts that I might cheat

Q.   My boyfriend and I began dating exclusively from the day we met. He calls frequently and tells me he can't live without me and if anything is a bit over-possesive. He always makes comments that imply that I'm ready to have an affair with the ...

A.   20 February 2012: I think it's due to his insecurities. How long have you been dating? If under a year this could very well be a red-flag; it can be a form of control (an excuse to know where you're going, who you're with etc). You have obviously done nothing to p... (read in full...)

Ex told me my penis was too small and now I have serious confidence issues

Q.   Confidence. I'm a guy with a average to small penis. I've always been fairly good in bed using what I got. When I was in the process of breaking up with a girl I was absolutely in love with she said "Well you're a guy with too small a dick" for some ...

A.   20 February 2012: I have to say I think she was out for blood...it sounded as though she wanted to hurt you in the worst way possible; it's comparable to a guy calling a girl fat!!! It's aiming below the belt. Look at it from a logical point of view, if you were ... (read in full...)

Why is my vagina this color?

Q.   Hi, I've recently become quite concerned about the colour of my vagina. Its a very dark pink/red colour, as far as i'm aware it has always been that colour, it doesn't hurt, I haven't slept with anyone in years and I always use protection. Is it no...

A.   20 February 2012: I suppose vaginas are a lot like lips...they come in all different colors and shapes - some are reddish, pinkish, brownish or purplish. If it has always been that way, don't worry about it! ... (read in full...)

I'm with my partner because of our daughter but I want more!

Q.   Is it wrong to want more? I feel like I should try to make myself love him because of our daughter and given time that this may happen. He feels similarly and I know if it wasn't for our daughter we would have taken seperate paths a long time ago ...

A.   20 February 2012: You're not being selfish or wrong for wanting to be in love - that's only natural. You're human, you have needs and wants; wanting to be loved is NOT something you should apologize for. Being separated from your daughter's father doesn't make you ... (read in full...)

Its been almost 6 months since we broke up yet it still hurts like it was yesterday

Q.   My boyfriend of 2 years and I split up in September 2010 and yet I still don't seem to be over it. I still find myself thinking about him and the 'what ifs' and whenever anything goes wrong and I need a cry I always end up using it as an excuse to ...

A.   18 February 2012: As most of us know, dealing with a breakup is a lot like dealing with death - you're left with a sense of loss and grief; and it's something everyone deals with differently and in their own time. It sounds to me as though you've come a long way ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is being distant

Q.   I need help on what to do, My girlfriend is being distance I know she's usually quite distance anyway but more recently she's been more distance, she's at college while I'm at home. I don't suspect she's cheating as she isn't the kind to do that. ...

A.   12 February 2012: Her behavior is rather disappointing. Some people are naturally a little more distance and don't always express themselves - but I don't think this is the main issue here. Even if her phone or laptop isn't working; there are pay-phones, friend's ... (read in full...)

Am I being scammed?

Q.   I need some advice or guidance with this problem.. I will explain the situation and why I feel worried now I met a Turkish man on Facebook (he is 37 and I am 35)and we have been talking for about 1 year 2 months. The conversations is...

A.   12 February 2012: Quite honestly I would simply just keep him as a FB friend, nothing more - if you get involved and your suspicions become reality, it is obviously going to hurt you far more than if you just walked away right now. I wouldn't even meet him in Turk... (read in full...)

How do I make friends? Please help!

Q.   I recently moved to a new school and I am already having problems trying to make new friends. There is one girl who is one of the most popular girls and I have someone rubbed her the wrong way and I guess she doesnt like me. The other day I was ...

A.   9 February 2012: If they rushed to judgement without even knowing you, what sort of friends would they make any way...you don't need toxic or deceitful people like that in your life. You're obviously not weird or crazy, it's just that you're nothing like them, they ... (read in full...)

My husband says I ask too many questions! How do I deal with it?

Q.   i have been married for a year and my hubby says i ask too many unecessary questions?. he gets irritated. the problem is i dont seem to know what is ok and not ok to ask? eg, we went grocery shoping and he asked me to pick items. i asked him how ...

A.   9 February 2012: "how can i go about it?" -now that's a good question! ;) Well perhaps hubby is just being a little impatient. When you ask questions about stories he's telling you; I see it as you taking a genuine interest in what he's saying. When you ask what... (read in full...)

I can't give up on either my partner or my mother. How can I deal with this?

Q.   During the process of thinking about my own relationship it has made me think about the other close relationships I have. I would be grateful to have some help with this. My partner and I have had promblems with communication and trust and ma...

A.   9 February 2012: I honestly have no decent advice to offer, but I can give you an outsiders opinion on the situation. I admire the fact that you've put so much effort into your personal growth and have faced up to certain truths about yourself and your relationships ... (read in full...)

Based on my personality what animal could I use to best describe me for this job question?

Q.   Lol. I've been asked an unusual question on an application form, and i'm not sure how to answer it. I'm applying for a job in a Pet Shop, and the question is to describe yourself as a pet, what would you would be and why!. I guess i need to think ...

A.   9 February 2012: A rat! (okay I'm bias) They're curious, intelligent (10th smartest animal in the world according to National Geographic), sociable AND very helpful. Studies have proven that a rat will attempt to help another rat escape a trap (given the choice betw... (read in full...)

I tried to talk to my professor but he showed disinterest and now I feel really badly!

Q.   This is about a professor of mine at college. He's a little aloof, rude and a trifle arrogant.Yet he's a genius and extremely open to people who can approach him. I used to dislike him for his attitude, yet in the past year I'd begun to find myself ...

A.   7 February 2012: You stated that he's "arrogant, aloof and rude" - so his reaction towards you wasn't out of the ordinary; it's not something you should take personally. He is obviously trying to keep things on a professional level; as he rightfully should, he's... (read in full...)

He's changed and our relationship is going down the drain....I'm so miserable and don't know what to do!

Q.   hello everyone, tonight im finding myslef laying in bed with to much on my mind and am really in need of some advice please and thanks in advance. okay so my boyfriend and i live together and have been together almost six years. we have had our fair ...

A.   7 February 2012: I don't think the problem lies with you as a couple (you both obviously love each other), it's more so to do with your boyfriend. It sounds as though he has lost confidence in himself and has become comfortable in letting you take the lead role. P... (read in full...)

B/f accused me of being with someone while I was lying at home and watching tv!

Q.   Hi, Ive been with my boyfriend for 6 months and we're long distance at the moment but see each other every weekend. Last night he went out with his work colleagues but called me after an hour saying he was bored and going home... we spoke on the ...

A.   3 February 2012: This is not normal behavior - this could very well be a red-flag. It probably suggests that your boyfriend has severe trust issues or insecurities. What troubles me the most is you've only been dating for 6 months...the honeymoon stage, when ... (read in full...)

My partner of two years has a constant bad attitude and no matter how much I do she's still finds reasons to get angry

Q.   My partner of two years has A constant bad attitude! Were to begin? So no matter how much I do she's still got reson to be angry! Firstly she complained that I don't do enuf around the house to help so I started doing more, that wasn't enuf s...

A.   2 February 2012: I don't think the housework or your phone are the issues here, they're just an excuse to set her off. Your partner is obviously very unhappy or overwhelmed about something. Try make note of when her attitude changed - it could be something such as ... (read in full...)

Do I need to conform to the level that society is at? Having pointless one night stands to relieve my built up tension?

Q.   So I think I'm a pretty good looking guy but because of the situation I am in, I am still a virgin... I think this is mostly because I'm stuck; I don't have a vehicle and I still live with my parents due to financial reasons...It's sad but true that ...

A.   2 February 2012: Why destroy yourself for the misguided views of society. As far as feminism goes today, it's grossly misguided. I believe the phrase term is "female chauvinist pigs". Where in attempting for equality some woman aim to become men, thus destroying ... (read in full...)

I am always the 'bad guy'!! What should I do?

Q.   Okay, what do I do?! I'll try and be as detailed as I can. I was with a girl for about 6 or 7 years off and on. Now I'm going to be totally honest. At the beginning of our relationship I didn't treat her well. I was young so I'd rather be out wi...

A.   2 February 2012: Agreed it sounds as though you weren't the best boyfriend in the first couple of years BUT if she was that unhappy she should have left you, she was just as responsible for her own unhappiness and well-being. I'm sorry to hear about your Dad.... (read in full...)

Should I learn to be faithful or move on?

Q.   Ive been with my boyfriend for a whole year. I cheated on him twice. He heard from people but I always denied and he believes me. Im a christian and my boyfriend is muslim, my parents keep trying to tell me to leave him because there will be ...

A.   2 February 2012: I think perhaps the cheating is a sure sign that you're not yet ready to be in a relationship. I'm a firm believe that integrity is not swayed by circumstance, and your boyfriend not yet wanting to marry is no excuse - if you were to date this other ... (read in full...)

My ex husband's fiancée posted a picture of our LEGAL divorce decree ON FACEBOOK

Q.   Gang, I am MORTIFIED. I am not thrilled or happy about my divorce... it's a failure on my part and it is what it is. I don't need or WANT to shout from the rooftops I'm divorced (yet again). I just got a text from a friend of mine congratulat...

A.   2 February 2012: I have NEVER before recommended getting the law involved (and seldom think it should be) but I feel in this case it's needed. Those are highly sensitive documents and could be damaging in the wrong hands. With the new FB rules, your profile photo ... (read in full...)

Do you think I was rude?

Q.   There's a woman at work who keeps texting me. I originally gave her my number because a few of us had arranged to go out for a coworker's birthday and she needed to call me to arrange transport. This woman is a bit of a loner and still lives with ...

A.   2 February 2012: I don't think you sound mean at all. I think you put up with her for too long and then finally snapped. You don't have to be mean or harsh to standup for yourself, you can be polite, assertive and calm - next time you're faced with a situation like ... (read in full...)

My ex husband's fiancée posted a picture of our LEGAL divorce decree ON FACEBOOK

Q.   Gang, I am MORTIFIED. I am not thrilled or happy about my divorce... it's a failure on my part and it is what it is. I don't need or WANT to shout from the rooftops I'm divorced (yet again). I just got a text from a friend of mine congratulat...

A.   1 February 2012: I'm so sorry to hear that SVC! I'm not 100% sure but if she hasn't edited out (or blanked out) certain information, isn't her posting it illegal?? After all that's a huge violation of privacy and it's a legal document which was posted without your ... (read in full...)

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