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... Send *8years a private message | | | *8years's profile:Yes, I'm an old bag. Married since dinosaurs walked the earth. I am a trained and degreed artist by trade. I'm no genius, but I like to think I am (I blame my blondness for any and all mistakes.) I play 5 instruments, one of which is the organ because my parents wanted me to be popular.
My soapboxes: I don't like whiners. I think a lot of parents let the inmates run the asylum. Marriage is forever. God is there for us if we only remember to talk to Him now and then.
Yes, I changed my picture- there were suddenly a lotta eyeball pix! LOL |
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Should I keep trying or get out before he does?
Q. It's a new year big question. I hope there is some good observations. I'm contemplating of divorce, after 23 years. Here are my problems. Luck of affection.,from him ,luck of involvement, luck of trying to fix things in relationship. Luck of...
A. 2 January 2009: I'll bet you haven't tried this-
Put yourself in submission to him:
Become affirming, not adversarial.
Become compassionate, not controlling.
Become a partner, not an antagonist.
It is usually the woman who calls it quits first (due to... (read in full...)
How to kill the love
Q. "Press the button!" I hear you all shout. Press the button and She'll disappear? Oh, if only it were that easy. I want to finish with my mistress. Okay, I'm not gonna murder Her. I'm only trying to murder the 'love' that I thought I had for Her. How ...
A. 2 January 2009: I guess I'm a fan of your questions.
You don't solve your problems by putting another pair of shoes under your bed. Statistics show that 2nd marriages have a higher rate of divorce than 1st marriages do.
Try the gettingpastyourp... (read in full...)
Is this friendship in dangerous waters?
Q. I am a married woman who has been experiencing some turmoils in my relationship. I met this single man through work and we had an instant connection. He has been a wonderful listener of all my problems and I sense a strong interest from his side ...
A. 31 December 2008: I've been in your shoes (size 9 1/2) many times. Yes, you are enjoying the flattery...Yes ,you are in danger. Your marriage is in danger. We seduce men through their eyes. We are seduced by our ears. "A wonderful listener to all of your prob... (read in full...)
When giving a hand job - do you like to tell the recipient what you are doing - describing?
Q. When giving a hand job - do you like to tell the recipient what you are doing - describing?...
A. 31 December 2008: no.... (read in full...)
Worried about my son on drugs..how can I have a life?
Q. How can I help my drug addict son? What ,if he never going to stop? How can I keep my sanity?He is making bad choices, and brakes my heart,when he is hurting. So every time ,he goes down on the same road, I'm there with him, so my life is never ha...
A. 31 December 2008: It depends on the drug.
I feel bad for you because I've seen it. The heroin addict I know is also a thief to her family, a liar, and currently, an unwed mother. She is 18. She's been an addict for 4 years.
My friend's attitude, after ... (read in full...)
I just don't understanding why he's doing this if he has already let go and moved on??
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up 3 months ago, the breakup was not overly negative. We had no contact since, but I know that ocasionally, he still goes into the 'network myspace' to view my social profile and updates, another thing is he still has not ...
A. 31 December 2008: Because he hasn't completely moved on-you know it in your heart.
But, he hasn't completely come back either. Guys seem to like to have a gal waiting in the wings just in case sometimes. And sometimes, they want to "give you space' but stay wit... (read in full...)
After our breakup, I want to return a gift he gave me a year ago - should I?
Q. Well, my ex broke up with me a second time. He broke up with me because I guess he lost that feeling to care about me anymore. Don't get me wrong but, I gave him everything and gave him space. I treated him like a kind and I was very kind to him. He ...
A. 31 December 2008: Don't return it-he will know it's an excuse to see/talk/reestablish contact with him.
Keep it, you will one day enjoy seeing it again.
I have a heart shaped locket from a fella who once cared for me. I look at it now and smile.... (read in full...)
Why do I continue to engage in casual sex when I always feel crappy the next day?
Q. I have an issue with engaging in casual sex on occasion. Protection is used and things are safe, so there isn't a problem there. However, I always feel crappy (mentally) the next day and feel I shouldn't of done it. Why do I continue to do it? ...
A. 31 December 2008: Our hormones force us to love the man we have sex with. Male hormones are completely different. A booty call to them is like a pleasant basketball game-you like the players and it's fun.
Guys won't marry a girl who drops her drawers on the firs... (read in full...)
Why do guys act so childish, disrespectful?
Q. Ok this may seem messed up, but my whole life consists on that. I caught a girl checking out my guy. He gets so mad like red in the face throwing things and so on if a guy looks at me. But yet i let the b!tch know what i thought of her, and he told ...
A. 30 December 2008: No, I'm saying that jealousy is self-induced.
Don't allow yourself to go through it.... (read in full...)
Would you marry her?
Q. I would like your opinion on something. Would anyone marry someone who has had an abortion, had an affair with a married man, cannot tell you exactly when the affair eded, lied to you about many different things, flirts aimlessly with other guys ...
A. 28 December 2008: I agree with pvtguy with one addition:
Picture yourself with her 10, 20 years from now. Marriage is forever.
... (read in full...)
2 kids another on way, think my man is cheating on me!
Q. Hi im 22 nearly 23 ima mother of 2 and third one is on the way my fiancee is nearly 30 and i think my husbund is cheating on me im 7 months pregnant he hasnt touched me since he found out bascially he goes out till late not calling and phone...
A. 28 December 2008: Unequivocal common signs of cheating (3 of these = hire a detective):
Breastfeeds his cell phone.
Doesn't always answer cell phone.
Works late a lot.
Likes porn.
Either starts fights (an excuse to leave) or acts less loving toward you
Unexplai... (read in full...)
Leave my guy for what could be just someone I fancy?
Q. There is a man i have fancied from afar for a long time. I dont know him very well, however the other night, we were both at the same bar for a party, and we hit it off, flirted all night, and ended up kissing... Thing is, i am currently in a ...
A. 28 December 2008: Are you engaged?
You are free. Choose your own destiny and do not tiptoe through life!
There will come a time when you absolutely should not be kissing a second man. That is not now. Stop guilting yourself out.
That's what marriage ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend hit and abused me, how can I trust another guy?
Q. ok im 15 and not that smart so if i spell wrong please dont make fun of me. ok well i had this boyfriend that i loved verymuch but one day something went wrong he became mad 4 every little thing i would do. i once was talking to a guy that i new 4 a ...
A. 28 December 2008: Sweety, this is VERY serious. Can you talk to an adult about it? Your mom, dad or a trusted adult?
I know too many women whose lives have crumbled because of the kind of thing you describe.... (read in full...)
Lots of problems all rolled up together
Q. I have been dating this girl on and off for 3 years (mostly on). We have been through so much stuff. From our family's hating the other, to jealousy, to control issues, etc.) Well, we broke up about two years in for almost four months. We broke up...
A. 28 December 2008: Whatever broke you up the first time, my dear, is still there. If you continue to pursue her, you will break up faster each time.
The 9 times doesn't bother me-you were apart then and uncommitted...sex for women is different in that they give the... (read in full...)
Why do guys act so childish, disrespectful?
Q. Ok this may seem messed up, but my whole life consists on that. I caught a girl checking out my guy. He gets so mad like red in the face throwing things and so on if a guy looks at me. But yet i let the b!tch know what i thought of her, and he told ...
A. 28 December 2008: Why stoop to "da bitch's" level? Neither of you is engaged...right? Take the high road in these matters.
When you told her what you thought of her, you opened a door where he may feel a need to apologize for your behavior-I'm not sayin' h... (read in full...)
Is an affair ever justified
Q. A christmas cracker: Is it ever 'right' to break your marriage vows? I still love my wife, but I don't fully understand why I feel these feelings for my mistress. I know it's wrong, but why does it feel so right? My lover paid me so much attentio...
A. 28 December 2008: Who betrayed whom here? Betrayals exist within every relationship. The wife betrays the husband by withdrawing or withholding, the husband betrays the wife by having an affair. Which betrayal weighs more? The affair is a temporary banda... (read in full...)
How not to lose your mistress?
Q. "...that must be very difficult..," the woman from Samaritans kept on saying. I knew things were difficult, I didn't need her to only remind me! I'm not suicidal, but my last panic attack over living without my mistress was crippling me! How not t...
A. 28 December 2008: This one has been fun to read. But, I'd like to add my own two cents.
If you want her mad at you: Lose your mistress by cutting off blood supply. Nothing ticks off a girl more than to hear her bf is spending money on another girl. Women deny it,... (read in full...)
Should I play hard to get to make my girl come back?
Q. Should I make her jealous because she is confusing me, one day it looks like she has feelings for me again and saying stuff like love you so much, I miss you, few hours later it seems like she is avoiding me saying things like we need to be apart ...
A. 26 December 2008: No, girls don't like it. Guys often think that this behavior attracts a woman's attention. Truth is, there's no faster way to lose a girlfriend.
Girls, on the other hand, make the same mistake when they say. "we need to be apart...' they are... (read in full...)
Anyone else had this type if divorce issue?
Q. My partner is going back to the USA to be at his daughter's wedding. His ex wife will be there but he does not wnt me to go. He says we can't afford it and that it would be very uncomfortable as it is her territory (she will be with her partner). ...
A. 26 December 2008: He is trying to avoid misery for you and for everyone else.
In my family, people fall over each other to be considerate. Let's assume that's happening here. He may worry that his kids may lash out at you on the big day, hurting you. You migh... (read in full...)
He didn't put my feelings or birthday first. Not sure if I can ever get over this.
Q. Just wanted some feedback. I am with someone for 3 years. We are both divorced. My children are grown and on their own. He has two small children. He is with them every chance he gets, not a problem. My birthday was last Saturday and it was ...
A. 26 December 2008: I don't blame you.
The dating relationship sets the ceiling for the marriage-it'll never get better than it is right now. So, if you hope to marry this guy and his ex and his kids, better get your anger out in the open and the heck with him... (read in full...)
I got emotionally attached and now I feel hurt and used!
Q. So i met a guy who has a girlfriend who is about 3 months pregnant. He started calling me alot always wanting to hang out. I hung out with him a few times and he was always trying to kiss me but i wouldent let him. I was not attracted to him and i ...
A. 26 December 2008: Would you believe that women as old as me still wrestle with the same question?
Usually the guy tells you who he is, if you listen. Nicekid's right. Question your feelings. Love is an action-and this guy doesn't feel it from the sound of thing... (read in full...)
Forgive him?
Q. Back in July I met a man that I gave my heart to. Well things didn't go how I wanted them, I got pregnant in August, and in September, the day after I miscarried, he dumped me. He'd already been seeing someone else. It was very hard to get over, and ...
A. 26 December 2008: As with all of these types of questions, the answer may not be as easy...Assume you help him out, and visualize as realistically as possible, what you will be doing together exactly 1 year from now.
Does the image in your head make you smile or... (read in full...)
Really what's going on, does it sound like there is still a conection between us?
Q. Please,please help me Its driving me mad me and my ex ahs been split for 3 months now, but still talk on the phone every day, anyway i gave him an xmas present on christmas eve, and he had bought me one, which he gave me last nite, anyway, last nit...
A. 26 December 2008: Yes, there's a connection to his penis. I know the holidays are lonely if you let them be lonely. We must all learn to live in the present, and not be thinking about presents for exes.
Whatever broke you two up the first time will happen a... (read in full...)
Do I have trust issues or am I right to worry?
Q. So I'm not officially in a relationship with this guy, but we're very much a couple. For new years, he is planning on going to Whistler (a ski resort in Canada) with his best friend who is a huge major player. I trust my guy but when he's drinking ...
A. 26 December 2008: If he did hook up with someone else, would it really really matter?
Neither of you is engaged...I'd tell him to have a great time and then make sure I myself had a great time. Jealousy is not pleasant for either person. Don't give in to it.... (read in full...)
Would you sleep with a man knowing that he flirts with most females that come his way?
Q. Would you sleep with a man knowing that he does flirt with most females that come his way? he is aged 56 and wanted sex with me on holiday but I didnt "do it". then we met up and all he talked about was other women he liked flirting with-which, ...
A. 26 December 2008: Has this fellow been divorced very long? He may be an out of practice fumbler....
Guys talk to you about conquests or flirtations to let you know that other women desire them...they think it makes us want them when it actually has the reverse ... (read in full...)
In love with a known lier and womanizer. Do you think he has changed for me?
Q. right iv been seeing a guy for 9 months on and off. but he told me weeks ago im the girl he loves and wants to be with. BUT he has a really bad reputation hes got 2 kids to two different mothers. i hear hes a womanizer, cheat, liar and caught lots ...
A. 26 December 2008: The only place I've seen a man change for love of a woman is on television...I'm sorry to say it, but guys who are that loveable are professinals at it. He's also seen and heard every trick in the book and will anticipate your moves. Love is a ... (read in full...)
Is an affair ever justified
Q. A christmas cracker: Is it ever 'right' to break your marriage vows? I still love my wife, but I don't fully understand why I feel these feelings for my mistress. I know it's wrong, but why does it feel so right? My lover paid me so much attentio...
A. 25 December 2008: Morally, affairs are not justified in our culture-in others, yes. I would add that sometimes, an affair just happens. The feelings are real but our culture jeers at them. The grief is real, again, our current culture leers and says you deserve ... (read in full...)
Where did I go wrong and why do I feel regret?
Q. Anybody, somebody, please provide your input for my situation. I feel stupid, but I need sincere words from someone to tell me where I did wrong or if I am doing the right thing. I met this guy over a chat room, who I felt deeply emotionally. We'...
A. 25 December 2008: You wanted him to prove he loved you and he couldn't. He is a broken person.... (read in full...)
She's married I can't have her but I love her!
Q. I've fallen in love with a colleague after very recently splitting with my wife. She wasnt the cause of our breakup but we did intially start seeing each other the same week I walked out - it was really just the little push I needed! Anyway, we have ...
A. 25 December 2008: I know, sweetie....it hurts like hell. Go easy on yourself today and try a site called getpastyourpast- you obviously affected her and she was tempted but didn't act. Her only recourse is No Contact.
... (read in full...)
Christmas eve, hav girlfriend but alone with the cat...
Q. help, ok, now it's year three in the relationship and we still don't live together mainly because I would have to let her 26 year old daughter live with us, which I won't do. She's old enough and has a boyfriend who still lives at home too. Here it ...
A. 25 December 2008: You are the master of your own destiny. Get a cat sitter. Grab your girl and make sure to spend New Years with her at a Bed and Breakfast and that can be your lavish gift. Screw the yearly family party just this once....make a memory you'll ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for me to not like Christmas?
Q. I am a Catholic but I do not like Christmas. Christmas for me is way too stressful. I hate shopping espeically during the holidays but I still have to buy presents for people. Parking, the crowds and everthing else. Than there is the cooking o...
A. 25 December 2008: All great answers! I'd add that I look around the dinner table at Christmas and imagine that some people are dead and gone-it snaps me back to being thankful that they are here with me.
Don't hate Christmas-it doesn't hate you! It's actaully... (read in full...)
I'm so nervous he won't like my christmas gift !
Q. So it's christmas eve everyone. For my boyfriend I bouqht him this qold and silver watch [by the way I'm fifteen and so is he]. I think it's cute but I'm nervous and scared because I don't know if he will. I mean, this is my first christmas with a ...
A. 25 December 2008: Honey, nothing is ever really perfect and that's half the fun. The real trick is to be able to enjoy giving a gift HE would like-not one you want him to have! There's a million guys getting sweaters today. All of them are saying wow, but thinking ... (read in full...)
I just don't seem to get as much out of sex unless it's anal. Am I a freak?
Q. Sometimes I wonder if I'm normal. Hi I'm 25 and Having a bit of a problem. It's just that during sex I actually find it more pleasurable when something is being done anally to me. Even masturbating I go back there as it feels amazing. It's been ...
A. 25 December 2008: What? The best sex is vaginal-the anal gspot is MUCH less sensitive than the clitoris which has over 8,000 nerve endings. I wouldn't say you're a freak, I'd say you need to practice with a far more powerful erogenous zone...anal is great in ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend didn't get me anything for christmas.
Q. My boyfriend didn't get me anything for christmas. It's very upsetting since I spent lots of money and thought out each present. I even took our kids out to pick him out something!!! I am sooo freaking upset and just want some feed back. He knows ...
A. 25 December 2008: I wouldn't stand for it. Speak up for yourself-tell him he hurt your feelings because he didn't get you a gift and that you'll have to reconsider a relationship where someone cares so little.
So what if he gets mad and you break up....wh... (read in full...)
She said she wanted to take things slow and I agreed, but how long am I supposed to wait for her to make up her mind?
Q. I'm dating this girl that i have known for about 5 years. She has just recently gotten her divorce. We were getting along good till her divorce became final, now it seems like she is distant from me at times. She used to let me visit her several ...
A. 25 December 2008: Honey, I'm sorry but women are not afraid to show their feelings unless they are negative or hurtful. This woman is not for you, cause if she was, it'd be clear.
If you want to get back into her life, don't give up easily. Be demandin... (read in full...)
She's married I can't have her but I love her!
Q. I've fallen in love with a colleague after very recently splitting with my wife. She wasnt the cause of our breakup but we did intially start seeing each other the same week I walked out - it was really just the little push I needed! Anyway, we have ...
A. 25 December 2008: Satindesire is right, and I would add that women who are married are susseptible to flattery and flirtation. We are vain creatures and the attention you gave your colleague did indeed affect her. She meant it when she said you'd have swept her off ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and need advice on how to deal with the babies father!
Q. I'm 20 weeks pregnant; the father has been around for the most part, throughout the pregnancy. But we had a falling out shortly before finding out that I was expecting and he began dating another women, this turned into one of those drama driven ...
A. 25 December 2008: A baby is always a blessing and a source of joy to be celebrated!
Find your child a father: someone you both will love and be loved by. There really are people out there who will fit the bill for you and your precious child. Mama always said, th... (read in full...)
How can I stop myself from obsessing over the girl who almost ruined our relationship??
Q. Hi, I'm a female and I need serious help about this guy... We dated for nearly 2 years when everything went bad. Another girl interfered, they dated for a month or so, then broke up because he wanted to be with me. Yet, we still had problems bec...
A. 25 December 2008: If a guy really likes you, he will not want to see you upset nor to hurt you. Be proud that others like your guy, but that he PREFERS you. Mention that in the presence of others-it may get back to her. Also, as much as you are obsessed with ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my husband to leave? The psychic said I have good energy with this other guy.
Q. I am 45, in my second marriage and I want my husband to leave me. We have been married for 5 years. We lived together for 4 years. I pay all the bills. He pays for the grocery bill. Financially I am so strapped. Of course, he says if I need ...
A. 24 December 2008: Tell him you need to talk, and that the marriage isn't working for you-a trial separation would be your goal. Explain to him that you do love him, but you need space-6 months apart. Tell him you don't necessarily want a divorce, and that's why ... (read in full...)
Did declaring my feelings scare him off?
Q. I've been talking/texting this guy for almost 3 months. We've been taking it slow, and for the past month that we've been apart realize how much we miss each other and want to be together. So he calls me, and tells me how he thinks of me all the ...
A. 23 December 2008: They may not be declaring their affection-they may be just trying to make you think they like/love you. It could be lust (women mistake it for love all the time), or it could be that the guy really got uncomfortable with things out in the open.
... (read in full...)
Did declaring my feelings scare him off?
Q. I've been talking/texting this guy for almost 3 months. We've been taking it slow, and for the past month that we've been apart realize how much we miss each other and want to be together. So he calls me, and tells me how he thinks of me all the ...
A. 21 December 2008: My rule of thumb is old fashioned: Let them say it first (even if you'e bursting with love). They like to feel like they've won you over.
No, honey, you didn't blow it...because the right guy would take those beautiful feelings and cherish ... (read in full...)
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