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*8years agony aunt

*8years

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*8years's profile:

Yes, I'm an old bag. Married since dinosaurs walked the earth. I am a trained and degreed artist by trade. I'm no genius, but I like to think I am (I blame my blondness for any and all mistakes.) I play 5 instruments, one of which is the organ because my parents wanted me to be popular.

My soapboxes: I don't like whiners. I think a lot of parents let the inmates run the asylum. Marriage is forever. God is there for us if we only remember to talk to Him now and then.

Yes, I changed my picture- there were suddenly a lotta eyeball pix! LOL

< Prev123456Next > [6 pages, 201 answers]

Is 30 years long enough?

Q.   Dear Cupid - I don't really think you exist, but I'll write you anyway. I met a pretty red-headed girl at a football game during my senior year of high school and fell head over heals for her. The buddy who had arranged for me to... double date...

A.   8 April 2009: It is VERY typical to feel the way you feel - like strangers. You have, in 30 years, accomplished a lot together, and it was you and she against the world. You both had a common enemy to keep you energized, and a common goal. You need that aga... (read in full...)

Can't stop crying! Will the pain of our break up ever end?

Q.   So its been a few days since my break of boyfriend of 4 years.. I feel sh*t and awful and can't stop crying..I am gutted it has actually come to this. I loved him so much and I truely thought he felt the same. But he is being so cold to me. It looks ...

A.   8 April 2009: Imagine your life a year from now: You'll be sitting at dinner with a new friend and "he" will walk in with a date. You feel a little awkward, but forget about him immediately because the man you're now with is listening to you and you alone. He ... (read in full...)

She wants me to be happy, but I don't want to be with anyone else

Q.   This can definitely fall under the age difference section. I am currently dating a lady twice my age and at 24 that would make her 48. She is absolutely gorgeous, but I understand that will slowly decline in the not so distant future. Thats no...

A.   26 March 2009: She is very wise in terms of seeing what your youth cannot see. If she were just a wee bit wiser, she'd let you go. Not because you're not enough of a man for her, not because she doesn't love you, not because society may have it's own opinions, ... (read in full...)

I took back my husband after he cheated on me twice

Q.   Hi, It's me. You know, my husband cheated a 2nd time. Well I went with my heart and took him back. I know that it's crazy but that's where my heart is and I know that I have to live with that decision. We have agreed to go to see a counselor and ...

A.   26 March 2009: Don't give up on your marriage. Especially if you're absolutely set on having another child, in a situation that most would prefer not to add a child to. Let's hope God changes your husband, after all, He can fix anything, and He's the only one ... (read in full...)

My husband allowed me to have sex with someone else

Q.   My husband allowed me to have sex with someone else. Could he love me?...

A.   26 March 2009: NO.... (read in full...)

Should I worry that is contemplating cheating?

Q.   My boyfriend started a website for dating. He was clueless on how to set it up. He said he wanted to do it to make extra money. He told me that he did a free profile on himself to see what the questions and fees were. He is not a paid member so ...

A.   26 March 2009: If it looks like a duck and talks like a duck, it's probably a duck. There are better ways to make money, but there's no better way to find a new honey. So, question his motives. Tell him you're gonna be his first customer. See what he says ... (read in full...)

How does anyone ever trust a cheater again?

Q.   Many answers advise that if you have been cheated on, the cheater is going to lie to cover up the truth or to make things seem less serious than they actually were. I am in that situation and my question is, if the cheater is assumed to be lying, h...

A.   26 March 2009: I can see by your writing that you are clearly an intelligent woman in a lot of pain. It is driving you mad, and you can't stop questioning why he did this, how, when, and so on. Take comfort in the fact that your mind must go through this ... (read in full...)

Should I just delete the message before he gets it?

Q.   Help, urgent advice needed. You are probably sick of my saga. My husband had a 'text affair' with a work colleague and although it's over he still has to liaise with her and attend work related committee meetings (he doesn't see her on a daily basis ...

A.   26 March 2009: It's a unanimous NO. As for you, I know how hard it is not to snoop, but don't snoop. I'm a super snooper myself and I usually regret it later. If he truly wants to be with you alone and not revert to his other behavior, he will. Snooping ... (read in full...)

I don't understand his reasoning on a 3-some???

Q.   Not sure why I can't get this off my mind or why it bothers me! My husband and I have been together for 3 years; married for 1 year. A few months ago the topic of threesomes came up. At which time he said he had one with both of his ex's (g/f ...

A.   26 March 2009: Your man may have been testing you to see if he alone satisfies you. Otherwise, how is it possible that this never came up before you got married? Just suppose he asked because he's so freakingly jealous and wants to see what you'd say. Most men ... (read in full...)

He's using our friends to shoot arrows into my heart

Q.   Hoping people can help out here and would appeciate it if they did. I broke up with my ex about six months ago. He kind of hurt me and so I have gone the no contact route and have avoided going places where I think I might run into him. Likewise he ...

A.   26 March 2009: Sweetie, take the high road. The best way to deflect an arrow to your heart is to whip out a BIGGER one. If your friends say, "your ex says you have a moustache", respond with something more interesting and bordering on rediculous, like, "yes, I ... (read in full...)

He's had a chance to chose between me & g/f why is holding on to me?

Q.   hello...i know you all are going to chew me out...but im still messing with this guy who has a gf...the only thing different is she knows about us now because i told her...hoping this would push him against a wall to make a decision... well it d...

A.   26 March 2009: What he's really thinking is, "I wonder how long I can keep both of them, and why have one when you can have two?" What he says to you, he says to her. What he does with you... you get the idea? You've already noticed that he sometimes repeats ... (read in full...)

Love of my life got a fling pregnant... now what do I do?

Q.   hi...i'll try to keep it as brief as possible...4 year live in relationship, he moved out b/c of drug problem in april 08..supposed to be cleaning himself up and we start again in a new apt, new location. we opened the relationship to dating ...

A.   18 February 2009: Be glad that you're not the pregnant one... after all, he is supposed to soon be committed to her, yet he was with you!... (read in full...)

Been seeing him for 11 years and just found out he got married 2 years ago... NOT TO ME!!!

Q.   I have been in a relationship for eleven years and found out last year that my boyfriend is married two years ago and was stilling with me. When I confronted him he denied it. I did not stop until he could not deny any more but he is still seeing ...

A.   18 February 2009: Hi. I know it hurts like hell and you can't stop thinking about him, rehashing conversations...desperate for closure...feeling loathing for yourself and for feeling like you just have to see him... Write it all down cuz it's whirling through ... (read in full...)

After 7 years, my boyfriend cheated on me. How do I cope with this?

Q.   After seven years, my boyfriend cheated on me! SEVEN YEARS! We started dating junior year of high school and got through all of college together. (We were in different colleges, too.) But I had more hopes and faith in this than anything else I've ...

A.   6 February 2009: How do you cope? Thank your lucky stars you found out what kinda guy he is now, and not after 15 years and three kids! You're the one that got away! You're the one who's better off now! You're the one he will call again one day (they al... (read in full...)

Is playing hard-to-get the best way to earn a friendship?

Q.   What is anybody's opinion on playing hard-to-get to gain a friendship? I know some personality types that it seems like being nice and friendly is not the way to get to them. Does anybody know what I mean? It seems like they are attracted more ...

A.   6 February 2009: I am particularly attracted to mean people, and there's so many of them! I'm fascinated by their weird and screwed up view of life - and I often learn that there's a very good reason for it. Some have overcome tremendous obstacles. Some are ... (read in full...)

Do I have any rights?

Q.   Can you remarry after divorce? Is your contract with God or the government? My wife had two affairs and it blew my mind literally. I had a mental breakdown and developed Bi polar. Anyway i'm back and have finally recovered after 7 years and realis...

A.   6 February 2009: God never said anywhere in the Bible that we deserve to be happy. God doesn't care if we're happy. He only cares that we are obedient and that we love Him above all others. Whatever you do in life, ask yourself if you'd want the same treatmen... (read in full...)

Am I special? Or did I just take the bait?

Q.   I'm a little concerned about the guy I'm dating, I mean he told me how lonely he was in his marriage (divorced now)and how they didn't have sex for the last 2-3 years of their marriage so in turn, he cheated on his wife. The problem is, it sounds ...

A.   6 February 2009: I dunno...my antenna are just twitching about this guy. Too bad you can't talk to an ex of his... There's a guy in our town who's been married a few times and hits on every female unfortunate enough to cross his path. He told my visiting... (read in full...)

How do I cope?

Q.   I am a 59 year old man who has been going out with 47 year old woman for 8 years. We have broken up 4 times and she has come back to me every time. We love each other I thought. She has a 21 year old son who quit college and had 2 job delivering ...

A.   6 February 2009: Hey, I already gave you some of my best answers on your other post, but now I have more info...Short answer: Do you want her back? Send her roses. They are hard to ignore. ...and back off until she contacts you (don't worry, she will... 8 years ... (read in full...)

Did she cheat?

Q.   My girlfriend just broke up with me after 8 yrs and met a guy on Match.com 7 weeks ago and says she is very happy. Did she cheat?...

A.   6 February 2009: How do you cope? I think coping is very hard. If you can't stop thinking about her or imagining what she was doing while cheating, take it as a sign that you're healing. Also, write everything down that's whirling around in your head. G... (read in full...)

I'm scared he'll run away if I bring it up...

Q.   Recently a co-worker I'd invited to my house party hit on a man I had just begun dating. I am not sure what happened between them but something started at least because he did go to her house a few times she said when she blurted it out to me a week ...

A.   29 January 2009: Too sensitive is right, BTW. She's not making this stuff up - there REALLY are guys who play like this, and their bedrooms are filled (metaphorically) with the cut up bodies of women (see the french tale of Bluebeard).... (read in full...)

I'm scared he'll run away if I bring it up...

Q.   Recently a co-worker I'd invited to my house party hit on a man I had just begun dating. I am not sure what happened between them but something started at least because he did go to her house a few times she said when she blurted it out to me a week ...

A.   29 January 2009: I almost got embroiled in a similar situation: A male asked me to gather info on a gal he was crazy about. Your co-worker may be gathering info for your friend about you as a way to get closer to the guy. The guy may have enlisted her "help' as a ... (read in full...)

A lesson to be learned here...

Q.   Met this guy on internet dating site. Texted, only, for 5 weeks, and then we arranged to meet. Because he works till late.... he came to my house.... I was sure he was someone I could trust. Of course, our texting was mostly of a sexual nature... ...

A.   29 January 2009: Rather than bash men, remember that the first, second and third dates are really a test of how willingly you'd give up everything for a man. If you give in too soon, you are not worth fighting for. Things really haven't changed in 1000's of years... (read in full...)

Do you guys think, he still loves me?

Q.   My husband and I like to do 3somes sometimes. It's his fantasy.. to have a 3some. I am not a lesbian but I like to try have 3some and want to know what it's like. I just want to make my husband happy cuz he tells me he never had any chance to do ...

A.   29 January 2009: Honey, we women are wired to attach to those we give our bodies to. Men are wired to be easily attracted to the opportunity for sex. It's natural. You've given body and soul to your husband, and, so do the women who participate in your 3so... (read in full...)

Battling my thoughts vs obsessive vibe

Q.   Sorry if this is long, but any input will be appreciated. I am currently 22, and in all of my relationships I have always been the type of guy who was never fully committed. Even is I was taken, I would still hold sexual conversations wi...

A.   26 January 2009: Cheating is never really as fun as you imagine it to be. It's the fantasy that really excites people. Sounds like you're growing up a bit.... (read in full...)

I feel like I need to leave him alone...but I really can't!

Q.   I just graduated college a couple weeks ago. While I was in college I had a few guy friends, but I never had a boyfriend. There was one particular guy that I messed around with for about 2 years. I loved spending time with him and I loved beening ...

A.   25 January 2009: Yes, you are confusing lust with love. All of us women do that - we're wired that way, and can't help it. If he's not into you, you've got to ask yourself if you really want to call and text him and get a non-caring response over and over again... ... (read in full...)

Feeling left out in this place

Q.   Dear Cupid, My family and I live in a small town. It is a very nice community and everyone is friendly. My husband and I are both friendly people. We are both likable people. We mingle easily and have no problems when we are at a social gath...

A.   25 January 2009: Breaking into an established tight knit group isn't easy. Divide and conquer. Start off simple, invite a couple to a movie to double date with you and your husband. Then add to that couple... slowly...... (read in full...)

I feel like I have thrown myself at him and feel embarassed

Q.   Sometime ago I asked for your advice in relation to a single father of twins who works part time at his families hairdressers. I felt his sister was pushing us. His mother is very nice to me and my son. You all suggested that I make a move to t...

A.   25 January 2009: The only person who can make you feel embarrassed is you. Try thinking of it as a social experiment - change the way you think about what you did. Lighten it up in your mind. You did not do a terrible or weird thing. Let it go, and ease you... (read in full...)

Why does this woman shut me out like this?

Q.   A girl I was with for two years starts seeing someone else I find out by chance, I’m hurt but make no fuss, wish her well and try and maintain a level of friendship and being civil. I was hurt of course. We all work in the same building. I focused ...

A.   25 January 2009: Aww crap, it hurts... this woman you liked or loved is with someone else and has rejected you. There is nothing you can do to win her back, or is there? Do you want her back? If you do, pull out all the stops - tantalize her, speak to her, and... (read in full...)

My sanity is hanging by a thread because of him!

Q.   I am not going to get into the initial problem so much only because it is the same as many on here, however it has gone to an extreem that is bringing me debiliting pain. It is impacting my ability to be a mother, concentrate at work or even feel ...

A.   25 January 2009: !. Set money aside and leave it with a trusted friend. 2. Give yourself a time frame, say 1 year till you leave. 3. Make copies of all important papers, deeds, registrations, bank account info, social security numbers, 401k's, addresses and leav... (read in full...)

I couldn't see myself moving across the country to be with her but I miss her!

Q.   Hi, I'm extremely confused about a decision I made regarding an important relationship of mine. My girlfriend had to move across the country, and I was extremely hesitant to follow her because she had an incredible amount of difficulty openi...

A.   24 January 2009: She will still have an incredible amount of difficulty opening up to you whether you're in California or Connecticut.If you don't mind that closed aspect of her, CHASE HER! Yes, go all out... because if it doesn't work, at least you'll know you ... (read in full...)

Why do all these guys take me for granted?

Q.   Right then here goes, what I want to know is this-why is it that the guys I have relationships with always seem to take me for granted then after we've split up they (and it can be a few years after we've split) they say I was the love of their ...

A.   24 January 2009: It's because you haven't found the right one yet. The right guy won't leave you behind. The right guy will call if he's going somewhere with his buddies. The right guy puts you first. Women often mistake lust for love. We lust and think we... (read in full...)

I'm curious about BDSM. Does this mean I'm gay or being selfish towards my wife?

Q.   I wnat to know if I want to explore anal stimulation and penetration for my wife and myself. Does it really mean I have homosexual tendencies. I am very curious about the BDSM lifestyle and the femdom practices. I really would like to get my wife to ...

A.   24 January 2009: No you're not being selfish... you're exploring new territory TOGETHER. If she's strictly against it for some reason, find something else to explore TOGETHER. She may be interested in hanging upside down during sex... but maybe you get migraines ... (read in full...)

My sister's daughter had sex and I think her reaction is too harsh...

Q.   My sister is the mother of a 14 yr old girl, who she recently found out that she snuck her boyfriend in the bedroom window and had sex with him! The mother went bananas and told her daughter that she had to quit basketball and all other activities, ...

A.   24 January 2009: You get to be the voice of reason today! Done is done... Your sis needed to vent, express her disappointment, shock and fear...but maybe in the wrong way... she messed up, and from the sound of it, she knows it. What you can do is talk to her p... (read in full...)

Has a woman ever broken up with a man and then realized what she had?

Q.   I was in a very good relationship with a wonderful woman. She broke up with me by email, when just a few days before she told me she was the happiest she has ever been before in her life and it was due to me being in her life. In the email she ...

A.   24 January 2009: Most women want back in...most women want to see some sort of act of romantic devotion to show you care as much as she does.... (read in full...)

Big problem, don't know what to do, please help?

Q.   From the moment he stole that first kiss, my heart belonged to Bobby Kortright. Life has been an adventure with him. It was during August of our 5th year together that he began an affair with 'Aunt Jeannine'. Just so we're clear 'Aunt Jeannine' is a ...

A.   24 January 2009: I don't think you can edit or delete.... (read in full...)

Is there a chance he will fall in love with me after all this time?

Q.   I am the one who has the boyfriend of four and a half years. We have been living together four of the four and a half years. I am so in love with him. We never fight. We have alot of fun together.We have alot in common. He has been the best ...

A.   23 January 2009: Punki's advice seems sound, yet it differs from mine quite a bit. My advice is probably tougher to follow, but like the doctor giving you a flu shot says, "just one pinch and it'll all be over". From my almost half century of living, I've for... (read in full...)

Why do people cheat and then regret it?

Q.   I've read a lot of columns involving how much people regret cheating on their spouses. Some of these people cheat and wonder why their spouses leave them? Why do it when the consequences are known to be the obvious results of the other person...

A.   23 January 2009: I believe that people cheat because they have a hole in them (no pun intended) that has opened up, or a hole that was already there from childhood. An affair begins in secrecy and is a fantasy - the secret lovers have no debts to worry over, no ... (read in full...)

Married virgins!

Q.   Are their any married virgins? I am working on a project and looking to hear some of their stories. Please post your stories. Thank you...

A.   23 January 2009: It's not as uncommon as you think. Nuns are married to Christ, priests are married to the church, and all are supposed to be virgins, but, all are really only human. Marriage has many dimensions, and all of them don't have to be present because ... (read in full...)

He hasn't text me in 4 weeks!!! What's going on here?

Q.   What is going on here? HELPPPP? We’ve been together for 3 months.. after 2 months he changed and started been all weird and not calling me much.. he use to call me everyday..last time i saw him he got really angry and accused me of cheating on him.....

A.   23 January 2009: Oh, Honey...you've been dumped. Oh shit...it hurts like hell. He's gone. Grieve a little in private or with a best gf, do not pig out too much, make sure you look fantastic when you go out, do NOT call or text him, otherwise you'll just have to ... (read in full...)

I have had an affair for 3 years with a very sexy, experienced man but, ultimately a cad!

Q.   Dear Cupid,I have had an affair for 3 years with a very sexy, experienced man but, ultimately a cad... The same age as my husband. It was exciting, great sex, but the novelty is wearing off, on both sides now, but he won't admit it. He wants me to ...

A.   23 January 2009: Someone once wrote that all affairs end badly. It's absolutely true. Diagnosis: So, where do you go from here? Everyone makes mistakes, and chances are that you wish you'd never started the affair because it damaged your feelings and exciteme... (read in full...)

All my husband of 27 years wants to do is sleep

Q.   I have been married for 27 years. I want to know is it unrealistic of me to want to have attention from my husband after all these years. All he wants to do is sleep. I am literally alone on the couch watching tv. He never sits by me or tries to ...

A.   12 January 2009: Hey, we all get tired of that familiar old routine. We want romance and passion and yet we look at that same old dude lieing on the couch and think...wow, another saturday night down the tubes. You're not really being rejected by him, at least no... (read in full...)

Big problem, don't know what to do, please help?

Q.   From the moment he stole that first kiss, my heart belonged to Bobby Kortright. Life has been an adventure with him. It was during August of our 5th year together that he began an affair with 'Aunt Jeannine'. Just so we're clear 'Aunt Jeannine' is a ...

A.   7 January 2009: Run like hell! Be the one that got away! Don't look back because if it ain't Jeanine, it'll be Maureen, Suzene or Colleen... Do you really want to be saddled with Bobby the Loser? Every minute you spend thinking about him, you lose a mi... (read in full...)

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