| Patrickthesyrup, posted
36 weeks ago
yeah....
I'm 20 years old, and I have been living with autism. sometimes it can be real painful to be single when I look at other couples that are happy. sometimes I get suicidal over it. I am antisocial, but I do have feelings sometimes. I wish I never had autism. I never got a GF because of it. I went on 1 date once, and that was over. I called her, she never calls me back, which shows me a sign. then I look at myself. I'm not meant to be happy.
I try not to think about it, but everywhere I go, I see couples, happy couples, then I get suicidal.
I have feelings for guys too, therefore I must be a bisexual.
If there is a way to change feelings towards things like that. theres nothing that can change my autism, as there is no cure for autism. I wish I never had these emotional feelings.
... I know I should not beat myself up like this, but this has been a problem going for years now. I'm 20 years old, and only went out once. (it was a movie, then I got sick and had to go home early, which messed the whole date up) I pushed my self to go out with a girl at least once in my life, and I got what I wanted. I didn't get my first kiss yet. but as this is the real world, I cannot go 1 day without seeing a female, which changes my feelings.
I know this probably isn't the place to let out the emotions, but I can't take it anymore, and I'm sure I'm not the only guy getting old that has never had a GF.
I'm just saying I have autism, and I don't know how to express all of my feelings towards one person, or to one person.
Posted on 13 November 2007 @ 4:17 (London time) - permalink
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